Rogue’s Diary--January
I remember being so afraid he'd never come back and all I'd have of him would be the dog tags and the tiny bit of him in my mind. Not so tiny really. If I concentrate hard enough, I can call back any part of him, from what his favorite food, music or color is to what he likes a woman to do in bed. He doesn't know that and I doubt I'll ever enlighten him. It just doesn't seem the thing to do, I mean, what would I say? Hey Logan, I know you as well as you know yourself; all those little things you hide from the world are in my mind and I find myself calling them up just to torture myself because I know I can't have you. No. No, I will not tell him. It is, I realize, a bit unfair for me to know so much...private stuff about him while he only knows what I let him know or what he finds out.
Oh well.
Everyone has plans tonight, even the teachers, even Jubilee. Paige has a date with Jono, of all people, I think his woe-is-me attitude turns her on. Kitty is going ice skating with Peter and Jubilee has a ...well I'm not really sure what to call it with Bobby. They delight in annoying each other and playing practical jokes on each other and everyone else. Partners in crime, Ms. Grey calls them. Troublemakers, Mr. Summers calls them. They're driving everyone nuts, so Ms. Monroe more or less ordered them to go into town and to the mall or something. Mr. Summers and Ms. Grey have gone into the city for the weekend and I've got nothing to do. I mean, I guess I could wander around until I find someone and attach myself to them, like Jubilee usually does, but that's not really me.
Back to Logan.
It's been over a year since I first met him, thirteen months, and I still can't stop looking at him. I teased him last month about his reading material--none that I could see--so I gave him two historical romances to read. To my surprise, he raided my library for more. Now, I can't stop checking him out. I find myself doing it in the hall, in the library--yes, he actually seems to know his way around a library, despite what everyone thinks, and I think he's well-educated, although he tries to hide it--in P.E., at dinner, and everywhere else I see him. He's reading womenīs books. What is he finding in them? I know what I find in them and what the rest of the female population of the school finds, but he's as macho as a guy can get, so what is he finding that keeps him reading them? Does he read certain...parts and picture...I picture him. I'll admit it. I picture him as the hero in them. No problem there, since I saw him naked after the Statue incident, in the Blackbird when Ms. Grey was working on him.
I know Kitty pictures him, too, since Bobby and Jubilee pushed her into the menīs shower in the locker room. Bobby checked to see if he was there, then they pushed Kitty at the wall, knowing full well she'd go right through rather than slam against it. She phased right back into the hallway and I don't think Logan even noticed her, because he looks at her like she's missing a few screws whenever she stares at him, blushing. She admitted, under tickle torture, that he makes a good model for the heroes, and I agree....
Maybe Logan would like to see a movie. I don't know what's playing, but there's got to be a paper around here somewhere. It's after six. Maybe, just maybe he hasn't left for the bars yet.
Please.
Stray Thoughts--January (CLICK)
"How the...damn...is this thing even working?...Shit. Guess it is. Aww, hell. Decided to take Xavier’s advice and keep a journal, since it turns out people like to go in and mess up my memories. Recording is a helluva lot easier than writing all this shit down and getting cramps in my hand, so, here I am, talking to myself. Fuck. Summers already thinks I'm a fuckin' looney and a child molester to boot, for the simple fact that all those little teeny-bopper girls keep following me around. I swear, he thinks I'm sneaking into their bedrooms at night and screwing them. Probably thinks I was trying to screw Marie and that's how the accident happened when I stabbed her.
I'll admit sometimes I do look at them; how could a guy not when most of 'em are bouncin' around in next to nothing, trying for attention, like he isn't looking too? Come on, anything male is gonna look whether admitting to it or not. I sure as hell don't screw 'em, though. Anything under eighteen ain't gonna get in my bed, including Marie. She's tryin' too, with those coy looks, shaking and shimmying with cleavage down to her naval, brushing up against me with one of those innocent expressions I usually see on her friend Jubilee...
Fuck...
I got back a couple weeks before Christmas, didn't find anything fuckin' useful at Alkali Lake, and she gets it in her head to tease me about what I read, which at the time was nothing, because nothing really appealed. I'd been on the road so long that I forgot I used to like to read. Pretty fuckin' pathetic, huh? Anyway, she gives me these books to read, turns out they're romances.
I was bored enough to read them, I mean, why not? Everyone else here seems to, except Summers...surprising, considering what a pansy-ass he is. At first, I thought they were a joke, but then I actually started to enjoy them, picturing a certain young woman a couple months from eighteen....They're not just sex dressed up pretty for the girls; some of them even have a plot.
(a laugh)
"Summers bursts a blood vessel every time one of the girls tries to do a book report on one. Jubilee pissed and moaned all this morning because he told her she had to read literature, not a seven dollar smut book.
Hell, Summers is beginning to really piss me off. He smirks so much I want to bitch slap him. It's almost like he knows I haven't had sex since Laughlin City....
Mmm....
Memories there...Nicole, a fight groupie...probably, I think, the most inventive woman I've been with in the past fifteen years...
Damn....
I know, how can he both know this and think I've been screwing those girls? He can't, but I still want to beat the piss out of him....Maybe I'll go hit a couple bars and find a woman or two to lead astray..."
(knocking on his door, and Rogues' voice, muffled)
"Logan, are you in there?"
"Yeah, Darlin', whatcha need?"
(sound of door opening)
"Ah was wonderin' if you'd like to go see a movie tonight? Everyone else is busy, even Jubilees' got plans and Ah don't have anythin'...Ah mean...Ah'm all caught up on my schoolwork...Ah thought maybe...."
"Sure. We'll see a movie. Got one in mind?"
"No, Ah haven't looked yet, but we can stop at the Diner and get a burger or somethin' and look at the paper while we eat...."
"It's already six-thirty."
"My curfew's one. That's plenty of time for a late movie."
"Okay. Go get your jacket, I'll be right there."
(sound of her footsteps fading down the hall)
"I'm pathetic. She crooks her finger and an anticipated night of debauchery with a willing woman of legal age disappears for a night of dinner and movie with the aforementioned girl two months from eighteen who can't touch bare skin...
Shit...
Might as well start calling me Scott fucking Summers."
(CLICK)
Rogue’s Diary--March
Today’s the day.
My God, I’m so excited!
I’m finally eighteen!
Okay, thatīs not why I’m so excited. I mean it is partly, but not the whole reason. Logan is taking me out.
Yay! Oh God, my heart is beating so fast and I haven’t even gone down to breakfast yet. After my last class this morning, we’re going to spend the afternoon and evening together. He’s promised to take me someplace nice for dinner and then dancing or something. I don’t really care where he takes me as long as we’re together and alone. I mean alone as in no Jean or Scott or Jubilee or Remy. No one else from here. Just us. Him and me.
I sound like a love sick little girl, but I don’t care.
I can’t help but be excited because Logan was very vague about what we were going to do all afternoon and evening. Logan is never vague with me. He always tells me exactly what we’ll be doing and where we’re going. I think it’s supposed to be a comfort thing he does for me.
What am I going to wear? It’s too early to wake up Jubilee, and Kitty already left for the library, but who else could give me the fashion advice I need? Should I wear something casual, like jeans and a t-shirt, maybe the shirt he gave me at Christmas, the one he had specially made with "Wolvie’s Girl" in glitter on the chest?
Jubilee would say yes to that one. "Wear it, girl. There’s only one reason a guy would buy a girl a shirt like that, one that proclaims ‘mine, hands off, bub’, and that reason is if he’s got one big boner for her that won’t quit." Jubilee isn’t subtle, ever, and she said that loud enough for everyone three doors down to hear.
Jubilee was the one who got me flirting with him in earnest. She gave me pointers, using Remy for her test subject. Remy tried to drag her into his room for her efforts, so I know at least some of her advice must work. I’m gonna do it, I think. I’ll wear the shirt and my comfiest, form emphasizing jeans and put on a little makeup, then go down to breakfast.
He’ll be there, so I’ll try some more of Jubilee’s pointers, and maybe...maybe I’ll find out if he really does want me.
Everyone tells me he does, even that bit of him still in my head, but under it all, I’m still only eighteen.
Only eighteen.
Stray Thoughts--March (CLICK)
"Oh fuck, fuck, fuck.
Jeannie’s bein’ funny, or at least thinks she is.
Here I am, about to seriously pursue Marie, the woman from my wildest wet dreams, and Jean fuckin’ lets herself into my room and plops this prettily wrapped box on my lap.
Open it, she says.
What’s this for, I ask, not really worried since she’d made it clear when I’d returned that her love was only for Scott and that she knew full well who my heart really belonged to. It was Jean who straightened me out about Marie and casually mentioned several times a day for three weeks when Marie’s birthday was and exactly how old she’d be.
Anyway, she sits on the edge of my bed all excited and smiling that knowing smile of hers that flusters Scooter every time and taps the package. It’s for Rogue’s birthday."
(a sigh)
"Okay, I gave her that expression I usually reserve for Jubilee: a raised brow like I thought maybe she was a little slow mentally and a patronizing stare. Gee Jeannie, shouldn’t you be giving this to her then?
She laughed at that. Because, Logan, it’s not a present for her.
I played clueless, the dumb male act, but I got what she was trying to say. She was giving me something that would be useful with Marie, sort of like Ororo giving Scott lingerie for Christmas-- which she did as a gag gift.
Jean waited while I opened the gift.
Fuck.
I hadn’t even taken Marie out on a serious date yet, and Jean, of all people, was giving me a sex kit.
Fuck.
Well, yeah, I guess fuck is sort of the idea.
I could almost see her running around New York City with a list in her hand going from kink shop to kink shop, checking things off as she bought them.
There were the obligatory sheer scarves and thin gloves.
There were fifteen boxes of assorted types of condoms, one box for each month you’ve known her, Jean clarified.
There were objects I don’t really want to admit owning while recording this. Imagine that, the Wolverine actually embarrassed by something.
Shit.
What does she expect us to do, screw like bunnies as soon as we see each other at breakfast?
Shit.
Does Scooter even realize what a woman he’s got?
If Marie came in and saw all this....
Man.
(sound of him lighting a cigar)
Her eyes would get all wide and those lips of hers would part just a bit as the memories of two old lechers and one horny teenage boy tell her exactly what all this is for. It wouldn’t shock her, not my Marie. Oh, no. She might be a little embarrassed, smile slightly and blush, and depending on her mood....
Depending on her mood, she’d either look me over then leave quietly or shut the door and ask innocently what I planned on doing with each item. She’s gotten good at that innocent bad girl expression.
I think Jubilee is coaching her.
I knew Marie was flirting with me before, but shit, she really honed her ammo. Jubilee bought her a push-up bra and a new shirt to show off her stuff with and the first thing she did was come show me her new clothes and the latest in a long line of coy expressions courtesy of Jubilee. What the fuck do they do, practice in front of the mirror?
Hell, I know she wants me, but does she really want me?
She still hasn’t worn the shirt I got her for Christmas. Maybe I should have just ignored Jubilee’s bright ideas and gotten Marie jewelry or something, but Jubilee insisted the shirt would be perfect. Yeah, so perfect she hasn’t worn it."
(another sigh)
"Fuck. I’d better get down to breakfast." (CLICK)
(CLICK)
(sound of something breaking)
"Mmmm..."
"You like that, Darlinī?"
"Yeah."
(a growl, then a giggle)
"Do you like that?"
"Minx. What do you think?"
(a squeal and more giggling)
"Ah think you do."
"You’d be right."
(bed creaks, sound of cloth falling to floor)
"Mmm...right there...Logan!"
"Easy, Darlin’, just relax."
(Hoarse breathing, both of them)
"I can’t...."
"Yes, you can. Close you eyes and let go. It’s okay, Marie."
(moans)
"Logan, yes, yes, don’t stop, don’t--" (CLICK)
Rogue’s Diary--March
Wow. I don’t know how much I can actually write down. I’m still trembling and can barely hold the pen.
Logan took me out to a movie in the afternoon and then we went to dinner and out to his favorite bar to shoot pool for awhile. Well, after that, we went back to the mansion and up to his room. No big deal, right? I’d been alone in there with him before.
This time was different.
He showed me this box of...stuff Jean gave him and I was so embarrassed. I was beet red, I know I was, but he was really cool about it. He said it was my choice whether or not we ever did anything, but that he’d really like to teach me. I couldn’t believe that was him saying that, but I told him I’d like to learn.
Logan picked me up and laid me on his bed.
He really has been reading a lot of those romances lately and he put them to good use. The man has magic hands, I swear he does. When he touched me it was heaven. He put on these gloves and slowly took my shirt off. He was happy I wore it finally, I knew he was. He laid a sheer scarf over me and began kissing me all over....
Enjoying reading Jubilee? Gonna do a book report on my diary? Don’t think I don’t know where yours is, girl.
Stray Thoughts--March
"Didn’t think I’d filled up another tape so fast....
Is it too soon to tell Marie I love her?
This evening...she wasn’t afraid at all. She was ready to go all the way, no turning back, so I showed her the box Jean had given me this morning and told her it was her choice what and if we ever did anything. She opted for beginning immediately I was quite happy to find. I told her I’d like to teach her and she got that coy look, the one where her shoulder drops and she raises her left eyebrow and said she’d like to learn.
Damn. I just about lost it right there. Control? What’s that?
I managed not to jump her. If I’ve learned anything from devouring those romance books, it’s that women do like that romance crap, so I was determined to give it to her. I showed her the scarves, let her pick the one I was going to use.
She picked green, that favorite dark green she likes that sets off the reddish highlights in her hair and makes her look so fuckin’ gorgeous I’d like to back her up to the nearest wall...."
(sound of liquid being poured in a glass)
"Those scarves are a big as sheets. As soon as Marie saw that, she asked with her Marilyn Monroe voice if I’d mind if she took all her clothes off. Oh, not in the least, I assured her. Do what’s comfortable.
Okay, we broke some funny statue thing when I tackled her, but I was wearing all my clothes and a pair of gloves, so her inches and inches of deadly gorgeous skin didn’t hurt me. The statue fell in the opposite direction.
I think we got loud for awhile, but to tell the truth, I don’t know or care. I couldn’t even think straight until she was nestled against me and even then she wanted to know if we could start in on the condoms. I told her we needed to take it slow and get her used to touching.
She looked at me like I was insane, then nodded and said she could see my point.
Then she placed her hand around my point and did some things I don’t remember teaching her."
(sound of him drinking)
"We’ve got another date for tomorrow night.
Marie specifically requested the red cherry flavored condoms.
What does she tell me?
I like how you look in red, Sugar.
Well, Darlin’, I aim to please." (CLICK)
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Couldn’t get this one out of my head. There’re more chapters to this, but as the story veers from R/L and onto Scott’s rantings on everybody and anything, specifically Jubilee, I decided there wasn’t enough R/L in the end to submit the story in its entirety. I separated the R/L bits and put them by themselves.