Title: Control 9/?
Author: sharonmjl47
Rating: NC-17
Category: Movieverse.
Disclaimer: I own nothing, and no one. Sad, isn’t it!
Feedback: Please, bad or good. If no one tells me it’s bad, I won’t know!
**********************
Marie walked down the main stairs and into the corridor. It was closer to lunchtime than she had thought. She and Logan had obviously argued the morning away, as well as other things. She smiled at that thought.
She was happy that he had told her he loved her, and she was happy that she had made love to him, but his actions towards Carol still nagged at her. She could sense more than know that he was still holding something back, from himself as well as her, something he refused to admit or accept. She wondered if he even knew it was there himself. She just wasn’t sure what.
Arriving at the cafeteria and finding it jam-packed with students, she suddenly didn’t feel like a crowd. She turned and was about to walk off, when one of her art students called to her.
“Miss Rogue. Wait up.”
“Angela, hi, how are things?”
“Good, thank you, Miss. How are you? When Dr. McCoy told us you had meningitis, well, we’ve all been really worried about you.”
“Meningitis, yeah, that, well… I… I’m fine, Angela. I just need a little bit more rest, and I’ll be back to bugging you about your homework.”
“Great, it will be good to have you back. Miss Munroe is a bit of a slave-driver.”
Marie laughed as the girl ran off down the corridor to her next class or wherever she was off too, her blonde ponytail bouncing along behind her. Marie watched it swing. “Blonde, mmm, maybe I should try that.”
Marie turned down another corridor and walked into the staff kitchen. She made herself a ham sandwich and put the coffee machine on to make some strong coffee. As she munched her sandwich, waiting for it, Jubilee came in.
“Well hello again!” Jubes hopped up on the counter next to Marie. “A watched pot never boils, girl.”
“That’s not really accurate, is it? I mean, whether you watch it or not, it’s gonna boil.”
“Bit like Logan, really. If he watches little Rogue long enough, he boils. And going from what I saw this morning, your proverbial coffee mug runneth over!”
“Jubes!” Both girls giggled and leaned on one another. “God, I have missed you so much.”
“Makes two of us!”
“Listen about the thing with Carol, I…”
“Don’t worry about it. These things happen. Well, no, they don’t, but you know what I mean. Yeah, it was awful, you/Carol were like the biggest psycho bitch in the universe, but hey, she’s gone. You’re not, so it’s win-win.”
Marie laughed. “I can always rely on you for straight answers.”
Jubilee looked confused. “What do you mean?”
Marie poured her coffee and shrugged her shoulders. “It doesn’t matter.” She picked up the mug and sat down at the small table. Jubilee sat with her.
“Hey, what’s going on? Wolvie-man playing games with you? Uh God, don’t tell me it was a wham-bam, thank you, ma’am?”
“No, nothing like that. We…”
“Come on, since when do I and not-hearing-the-dirt go together?”
Marie gave a little laugh and then took a deep breath. “This morning, before you got there, we argued. A lot. About stuff, Carol mostly, and I don’t mean to be, but he’s got me a little worried, maybe scared a little.”
“Scared? What - of him? Why? God, did he… did he do something this morning? Cause if he did, I’ll spark his sorry ass. You know, right before he fillets me, but I’ll do it!”
Marie looked around her nervously. “I’m not talking about it here.”
Jubilee nodded, a serious look firmly on her face. “Ok, let’s go for a little walk.”
They got up, leaving Marie’s coffee, and walked out the back door into the gardens. They walked, arms linked, in silence, until they got past the line of trees at the bottom of the property and to the small lake. When they had been students they used to come here and sit on the rocks and talk about boys. Well, Jubilee would talk about boys and Marie would talk about Logan and Jubilee expected Rogue to talk this time.
*********
Logan came out of the Professor’s office and decided he needed some air and a little space. He went through the kitchen and out the back, thankfully not running into anyone. As he walked towards the lake and his favourite tree, he put a cigar in his mouth but didn’t light it. Once past the tree line, he did an athletic jump and swung himself up into a thick oak tree. Climbing to a particularly high and wide branch, he sat astride it. The tree was massive and had amazing cover; he had spent a lot of time out here, happily avoiding students and staff alike. He rested his head back against the tree and closed his eyes, his senses enjoying the refreshing smell of nothing but nature.
*********
The girls sat down on the cold rocks overlooking the still lake. There was enough tree cover that no one could see them from the house or surrounding grounds, but they could see out and should notice if any one came from the house in their direction.
After checking around for others, Jubilee spoke first. “OK, spill it.”
Logan opened his eyes at the sound of Jubilee’s voice. He looked out through his canopy of leaves to see them sitting side-by-side on the rocks by the edge of the lake. He could smell Marie’s nervousness, so he decided to hang back and listen.
“He didn’t do anything wrong this morning.”
“So what is it?”
She sighed heavily. “It’s the whole thing with Carol, things he said to her, did to her. The way he behaved with her, what he ‘got off’ on. That’s what’s worrying me.”
“Wait a second, he ‘got off’ with Carol?”
“No! Just - but he could have. She taunted him with it, and the woman definitely had something he liked, but I don’t know what.”
“So what did he do?”
She ran her hands roughly through her hair. “Oh Jubes, I don’t know if I’m even right with this. I mean, an hour ago, I was like ‘Yeah, I *know* him’. But do I? And it’s not like he’s lying to me. It’s more like he’s lying to himself, you know? I know he won’t hurt me even though he could if he wanted to, but… but now I’ve been thinking about it again. I just don’t know. I’m just so damn confused, Jubilee. I feel like my head is gonna explode!”
“Honey, you have so lost me.”
She looked at Jubilee and took her hands in her own. “You and me?”
“Girl, my lips will stay as tight as my ass!”
Marie nodded and took a deep breath. “He hit her - me. Well, no, it was definitely her. He hit *her* a couple of times, kissed her, licked her skin, put his hands wherever the hell he wanted to, and didn’t give her a choice about it. Jubes, he got turned on by it, being in control of her, like real male dominance kinda thing. Once he even got a raging hard-on and rubbed it into her. To be honest, with Logan I can sort of understand the dominance issue, but…”
“Oh my God! He hit you – her, whatever? So, what your frightened because, he got horny and hit you – her or did he hit her and got horny? Actually I’m not sure which is worse!”
“It’s not that exactly.” She sighed. “Jubes, he threatened to rape her.”
“WHAT?” Her eyes went wide, and her mouth fell open.
“Shh, keep your voice down!” Marie looked around her nervously.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.” Marie chewed on her lip.
“Tell me what he did, exactly, ‘cause that’s just so off!”
“She shouted at him, something about me. So he punched her, then pushed her against the wall, started kissing her, and then he got her hands. She still had the cuffs on, above her head.”
“Then what?” The shock was still evident in her voice.
Marie’s voice was calm and quiet. “He started undoing her pants. She’d been abused years ago, some military thing. Her guards raped and beat her up a lot; she passed on some memories of it. I think because of that and the fact that he’d just hit her, Logan scared her, so she tried to push him away. Said no. He put his hand over her mouth. He told her that next time if she gave him any lip, he’d do it. He said he’d ‘found her stopping point’, whatever that meant. Told her she was weak, nothing, and that she wouldn’t be able to stop him from doing whatever he wanted. If he’d have gone through with it, Jubes, she wouldn’t have stood a chance in hell. I mean look at him, he’s…”
“Virtually indestructible! Fuck! Double fuck! Did you call him on it?”
“Yeah.”
“And?”
“He said that it was just a threat, and that he would never have done it, that he would never have hurt me. I think he was just trying to get a reaction, shake her up a little, and it worked.”
“I bet it fucking did!”
“He said that it was because he could see me, smell me, and he wanted me, but he somehow confused it, the desire he felt for me. It got twisted around with the way she made him want to dominate and control. I could feel it a little.”
“How does that work exactly? How could you see or feel when she was in control?”
“It’s like I’m looking though her eyes. I see what she sees, and what her body feels I feel too, but it’s muffled, like I’m in the next room or something.”
“I still can’t believe he threatened to rape you.” Jubes shook her head and sighed.
“Carol, not me, and he didn’t…”
“Mean it, yeah, you said that already!”
“He didn’t actually do it either Jubes!”
“I’m sorry, but I’m having a little trouble knowing where the difference is? Carol, you, where’s the difference?”
“It wasn’t me.”
“But it is you. It’s *your* body. He hit *you*, he had *your* body backed against a wall, a hand over *your* mouth, *your* hands in cuffs. You were the defenceless one.” Marie bit her lip as she listened to her friend. She hated the fact the Jubes was making sense. “Ok, let’s say for argument’s sake that he’d done it? Let’s say that it wasn’t just to get a reaction, and he ignored her protests completely, got her pants open and… you know… right there against the wall. That cell is underground, under the mansion. She could have screamed until her voice gave out, and no one, I mean, no one would have heard her. Would you have still slept with him this morning? Would you still be in his bed, still be walking around with a hickey the size of Mars? Would you still be so sure that it wasn’t *you* then?”
“Jubes he didn’t do anything but threaten her…”
“No, I’m serious, come on, would you? Who would he have been raping, Rogue?”
“I… I don’t know. Jubes, it’s not like that. You’re making it sound awful. He loves me.”
Jubilee threw her hands up in the air. “Oh my God! Do you know what you sound like? One of those domestic violence women.” She put her hands over her heart and put on her best Southern accent. “Oh well, officer, he only hit me ‘cause he loves me. It’s all my fault. Don’t blame my man. He’s confused; he can’t help how he gets!”
Marie got off the rock and went to leave. “I don’t have to listen to this.”
Jubilee grabbed her arm. “Yes, you fucking do! Because who else is going to call you on this? Logan is my friend too, but you’re my *best* friend. He’s crossed a line Rogue, how can you not see that? If you’re so damn sure…”
“I am sure. He loves me, and he wouldn’t hurt me like that, it was a threat.”
“Babe, then why bring it up? If you’re so sure, why tell? ‘Cause if you were, you would have kept it to yourself, maybe told me ten years down the line when you’re married with two kids, and you know what? We would have had a laugh about it, maybe, or you know maybe not, but this is now, this is fresh, and you are about fifty miles from sure.”
“It wasn’t me. I wasn’t there. He knew the difference. It was a threat, Jubes, nothing more. We talked, argued. He explained, and I…”
“Wait a sec… hold the phone! You had sex with him this morning. Please tell me…”
“Jubes, he didn’t do anything.”
Jubilee got off the rock and faced her friend. “Did he hurt you?”
“Jubes…”
“Honey, please, tell me he didn’t.”
“He did, but I wanted it. He said that there was a difference between rough, dominating sex and what he implied towards Carol. I wanted to know. I wanted to know that you can have rough sex, and it doesn’t have to be rape. I got what I wanted. It was good, Jubes. It made sense of things.”
“Made sense of things, how? He threatened to rape you! And as for the argument, I bet I know exactly how that went. You argued your point, got snippy, angry with him, and then he went all self-loathing and undeserving, and, being the person you are, you tried to make him feel better about himself, and you forgave him. Am I right? Fuck you did, didn’t you? You forgave him for threatening to rape you! You, Rogue, not someone else, you.”
“It’s not like that.”
Jubilee could see how upset and tired Marie was, so she calmed herself down and spoke more softly. “Ok, ok, ok, if… and I’m going with if, if it was just a threat, he said that it was seeing you, smelling you, that made him confused. Where’s the difference? This is what worries me girl, he saw you, smelled you, and so he threatened *you*? I don’t get it.”
Marie shook her head at Jubilee, her eyes beginning to fill up with tears. “It’s not like that. He knows me, and I know him, and it’s not like that.”
“Yes, he does know you, but I know you a whole lot more. I know the you who’s spent hour after hour sitting on *that* rock crying your eyes out on my shoulder, because of him! Because of the looks he threw at Jean, the way he was the only one to touch you, or because he disappeared off to Canada again. Not once have you sat on the rock and cried about Bobby or Santo, do you realise that? Does he know that? Does he know the effect he’s had on your life?”
“I got over it!”
“Oh bull! You’ve never got over him, and that’s the point. You’ll do anything for him, because you love him, utterly and completely. You love him, and, chica, that’s a good thing, but it’s also why this is so easy for you to fall into. Just because he says he loves you, it doesn’t make it all right. Just because he says that he wouldn’t, doesn’t mean he wouldn’t have. How do you know? How do you really know?”
Marie wiped her eyes and chewed on her thumbnail. “I don’t know anything anymore. I’m so tired, and my head hurts, and this… this is all just…”
Jubes sat next to her and put her arm around her. “Look, I’m your best friend and being said person I’m entitled to be tactless. Doesn’t this creep you out even just a little, I mean, ok, he didn’t do it, but he could have, he could have raped someone. Doesn’t matter that it was Carol, in fact it doesn’t matter who it was, he could have raped someone. It would be different if he had some weird alter ego - Jekyll/Hyde thing going on, but he doesn’t, this is just him.”
“It doesn’t creep me out Jubes, and if I’m honest, I mean really honest with myself, I’ve always known what he’s capable of. I’ve seen it first hand and through his memories, he can be dangerous, mean and nasty and damn right cruel, but I’ve never had it directed toward me.”
“Can you really forgive him, for Carol?”
She nodded weakly. “Yes I can, but I don’t want to be scared of him, I don’t want to be scared of someone I love.”
“Tell me exactly what you’re scared of? You said you think he’s lying to himself rather than you. What do you mean?”
“I think he likes the whole dominance and control thing more than he’s letting on. Maybe it’s his mutation…”
“His claws? What have they got to do with anything?”
“They’re not his mutation, Jubes. I mean his senses, his strength, survival instincts… His instincts, period. They’re his mutation. He’s not an animal, but he does have animal instincts, small traits that came straight out of the Canadian wilderness.”
“So we’re talking …primal urges, that kinda stuff?”
“I think it’s where the control issues come from. Gotta be top dog, you know, leader of the pack.” She wiped her face again, sniffing loudly. “But I don’t know why her, why would her in my body bring it out in him?”
“Look, I’m…I’m not liking this whole situation, but… but the more you talk, the more I think I’m beginning to understand him a little. Only a little mind you.” She squeezed Marie’s shoulder as they sat together. “She took something that, as far as he was concerned, was his – you – and she used your body against him, against everyone. In his eyes, she *made* him hurt you. I saw her taunt him and from what you said, she did want him as well as being afraid of him. So yeah, he would have smelled that, her want or whatever, but coming off of you! I suppose that could bring out some… primal-ness and a few control issues! A need to have control over her, make her see that she wasn’t in the bargaining seat and no matter what she sad or did, she wouldn’t take you away from him.” She squeezed Marie against her again. “I think you need to talk to him again. I know you love him and if you want to have any kind of relationship with him you need to be clear where you’re both coming from. It’s not just a case of believing what he says; it’s knowing that what he says is true. If its about sex…”
“Its not about the sex, this morning proved that.”
Jubes smiled playfully. “Rough sex and sex games can be fun, not my thing personally, but a lot of people like it. And besides, Logan’s always struck me as the ‘tie-me-up-tie-me-down’ kinda guy! ”
Marie gave a small laugh. “I’m sorry, who are you and where is my un-sensible and scattie friend?”
They both laughed. “Outside looking in, chica. It’s always easier. Um, have you thought about touching him?”
“What do you think I was doing this morning?!”
“Oh, mind-gutter! I mean *touching* him, with your skin, you know, zaap zaap?”
“He told me to. He wanted me too so I knew he wasn’t lying to me about the rape thing being a threat, but… but I can’t. I can’t turn it on anymore, Jubes. The switch is gone.” She slumped back against Jubes.
“What? Have you told the Professor, Hank?”
“I’m going to see them in a minute.”
“Oh babe.”
“I love him, Jubilee. I love him. I can’t change that. God, this is so fucked up!” She got off the rock and stood at the water’s edge with Jubilee behind her, she picked up small rocks and started tossing them lightly into the water.
“Do you think you should tell the Professor?”
Marie didn’t turn around. “Yeah, I’m gonna see if he can help me get it back.”
Jubilee sighed. “I don’t mean about your skin. I mean about Logan.”
She spun round to look at Jubilee. “Are you nuts? I can’t do that.”
“Carol was involved in some military assassin programme, which is probably where she got abused. By her guards, Rogue, you said it yourself. A sick twisted pervert raped her because he was in a position of control. What if this situation comes up again, we have someone here that we can’t turn over to the authorities and Xavier puts Logan in charge of them? Say Mystique, even tough she’s a complete bitch, would she deserve to be treated the same?” Jubes stood in front of Marie and rubbed her arms. “Sweetie, no matter which way you put it, Logan abused her, her situation and his position. It may well have been a threat, doing it for a reaction, or to use against her, but…”
“He shouldn’t have.” Marie started to cry. Jubilee put her arms around her, and once again the two friends held each other. “I won’t lose him, Jubes! After everything I will not lose him!”
Jubilee gave a defeated sigh into Marie’s hair. “Ok, don’t say anything to Xavier, talk to Logan first. And if he hurts you…”
“Jubes, he had every opportunity to turn nasty on me this morning, and he didn’t. It was rough, it was demanding, but God, it was so good, and I’d do it again in a heartbeat.”
“Just be sure, chica. Please. It’s not just now is it, it’s… a month from now, a year even. Five years from now you could get fed up with cigar stubs on your nightstand, yell at him for it and he’ll snap!”
Marie turned back to the lake, tossing stones into the cool water again, she watched as the ripple rings floated across the still lake. “If his patience is going to snap Jubes, he’ll just snap and that’s that.” She tossed another rock and it skimmed and jumped three times over the water before sinking to the bottom.
Jubilee stood next to her. “What are you gonna do?”
“I’m going to tell him the truth. That I love him and I want us to be together, I’ve always wanted us to be together. But… but I don’t understand, I don’t understand why he acts the way he does and why me? I can get past the thing with Carol, you know and I don’t really have a problem with the dominance thing, I kinda like it, but I need to know he’s not going to do this to someone else.” She threw another small rock, it went nearly to the other side of the lake before it fell into the water. “He’s never gonna be stable Jubes, he’s always gonna *snap* at things and in a way its the way I want him, he has a raw edge, a risk and yeah I know I’m flirting with danger, but…”
“You like it.”
“Yeah I do. Is that bad?”
“No, there’s a lot to be said for the appeal of tall, dark and dangerous. But you have to have boundaries Roguey, limits and both of you need to know where those limits are and when to stop, when to say ‘hey, too much’.”
“Jubes… thank you.” She hugged her close again, and Jubilee laughed.
“God, you sure know how to worry a girl.”
“Sorry.” They broke apart, and Marie wiped her face smiling. She felt so much better for discussing how she felt with someone other than Logan.
This time Jubes picked up a small rock and threw it across the lake, it only got a third of the way and dropped into the water, she frowned at it. “I think we need to get drunk.”
“Oh yeah, we so do.” They both laughed as Marie threw a slightly larger rock at the lake. There laughter died as they watched, almost in slow motion, as the rock flew clear across the lake and hit the truck of a tree on the other side. The rock smashed into dust on impact and the tree shook violently, shaking leaves to the floor and scattering the birds resting on its branches.
Jubile looked at the scattered remains rock and then back to Marie. “O-Kay! What they hell was that?”
Marie gave a small chuckle. “I… I dunno!”
Jubilee took a couple of steps back from her, then pointed a finger towards Marie’s face.
“Jubes, its me, I swear its me!” Marie put her hands up to stop Jubilee from running.
She watched as Jubilee frowned at her in amazement. “Brown, they’re brown again! This is bad!”
“I think I need to see the Professor. Now!”
“Really? ‘Cause I was thinking Disney Land!”
*********
Logan watched Marie smash the rock into the tree stump. His fear of loosing Marie had taken over and he was out of the tree and running to the other side of the lake before he could think straight.
As he ran towards the rock e let his claws out with a growl. Both girls heard him at the same moment and turn towards him.
Marie out her hands out to him, the same way she had with Jubilee. “LOGAN WAIT!”
*****************END OF PART EIGHT.
The Wolverine & Rogue Fanfiction Archive
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Enjoy your holiday Gamma. All mistakes are mine!!
Summary: “Because who else is going to call you on this? Logan is my friend too, but you’re my *best* friend…”
Summary: “Because who else is going to call you on this? Logan is my friend too, but you’re my *best* friend…”