Title: Control 10/?
Author: sharonmjl47
Rating: NC-17
Category: Movieverse.
Disclaimer: I own nothing, and no one. Sad, isn’t it!
Feedback: Please, bad or good. If no one tells me it’s bad, I won’t know!
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He hated the med lab, hated the smell. He hated the fact that he had to sit and wait, and he hated waiting. He hated the way Jubilee sat with him, hated the way that she kept eyeing him sideways like she was waiting for him to spring from his seat and attack her. Hated that Marie wouldn’t look him in the eye. Hated that he could smell her fear. Hated the words that he had heard her say. Most of all he simply hated himself.
Logan wanted to get out of there as soon as possible, but he stayed for Marie. There had been so many times when he had felt like running, needed to get away from his or others’ high emotions, but he had stayed for Marie. Stayed because she needed him for some reason or another, and he couldn’t deny her anything. The only time when he had purposely stayed away was when he couldn’t take his own feelings, couldn’t stand the weight of his love for her.
He and Jubilee had waited while Hank examined her physically. Hank checked her blood pressure, heart rate, her eyes, and her ears, all of which he declared normal. He took a full body x-ray that he also said was perfectly normal. He checked her height, which was the same as always, but when he checked her weight, he said that she had gained around 8lbs. After using callipers and taking various measurements with little gadgets around her body, Hank said that the gain was muscle on her thighs and upper arms. Aside from that, she was in perfect health.
Now they waited while Xavier examined her mind. Logan watched as she lay on the exam bed as still as she could manage given her nerves, but he could still see that she was shaking slightly. He could hear her rapid heart rate. Xavier was poised calmly at the head of the bed, his hands either side of Marie’s ears, his eyes closed and his face a picture of silent concentration. Occasionally, his eyebrows drew together in a frown, but mostly his face showed no emotion and gave nothing away.
After what seemed like an eternity to Logan but was realistically only around 10 minutes, Xavier opened his eyes and moved round to the side of Marie. She sat up but stayed sitting on the exam bed. She met Logan’s eyes for the briefest of seconds and then went back to staring at the floor, her bottom lip caught nervously between her teeth.
“What the hell’s going on, Professor?” Her voice was quiet and riddled with emotion.
“Rogue, you have never completely absorbed a person before. She took over, and this has proved an enormous strain on your mind. Normally, you are able to control the flow of memories and thoughts, sorting out the other person’s consciousness and separating it from your own. But because you were drugged, you were unable to do this, and Carol’s mind mixed in with your own mind. It is confused and attempting to re-order itself, hence the reason you have found it difficult to turn on your own mutation.” He paused briefly and linked his hands in his lap.
“The mental switch that you use for that is also confused. Something I learned from being inside Carol’s mind is that she didn’t know how to use it, she couldn’t figure it out, so your mutation stayed in a mute state. I believe that the reason you are having trouble with it now is that, because she muted the switch, it has been confused into thinking that it was part of Carol’s mind and does not respond to you. But something that is responding to you is Carol’s powers. It appears that you have a ‘switch’ for those as well.”
“I can turn her powers on and off when I want?”
“It appears that way. Once you are fully rested and have your mind in a little more order, I would be happy to work with you in this regard. Help you find a balance and, with any luck, gain control over your own mutation again. Hank has already mentioned to me that it would be a good idea for your own benefit to test the limits of these powers to make sure you don’t hurt yourself or anyone else.”
“So, I’ve somehow merged with her?”
“In a sense, yes. I removed everything I could find that wasn’t you, and I’m sorry because I know you had become accustomed to the others in your mind. There were parts of her that were too ‘involved’ with you to be removed, so they are still there.”
“Am I still me?”
“Yes. There might be trivial things that you notice, for example suddenly liking a food that you’ve never had a liking for before, or knowing certain information…”
“Like knowing how to drive after Liberty Island?”
“Exactly, that knowledge and skill you obtained from Logan. As for personality traits, any leftover will fade as they always have done before.” Xavier heard her mind say that she didn’t want to be like Carol, and he smiled at her. “Rogue, you are your own person. Your thoughts and feelings are your own; no one else’s.”
She didn’t mean to project her next thought, but she couldn’t help it, and Xavier heard it. He replied in her mind, so as not to embarrass her. ~The subject of sexual preference is thought to be too deeply ingrained into an individual’s mind to be influenced in this way.~ She sighed and smiled at her feet.
Hank coughed, moved to stand next to Marie, and smiled brightly. “I suggest that you get a good hearty meal inside you. Lots of vegetables and red meat would be preferable. If you can stomach it, one or two glasses of red wine wouldn’t do you any harm either; believe it or not, it helps to bring down your blood pressure, which at the moment is a little high. Then at least eight hours sleep. If you have any trouble with that, I have some herbal remedies that might be of use.” He turned to look at Logan, his smile still in place. “For once, I would recommend that famous steak house of yours.”
Logan nodded and smiled, but Marie noticed the smile didn’t reach his eyes. She couldn’t shake the fact that he had heard every word she had said about him. He knew what she really felt. She didn’t know how he would react, how he would feel, or whether or not it would change him towards her again.
Xavier rested his hand on her wrist, smiled his reassurance, and wheeled out of the room. Hank shifted his gaze from Marie to Logan to Jubilee and then back to Marie. “What on earth is the matter with the three of you? You all look like someone had died!” He ignored the glare he got from Logan and turned back to Marie. “My dear girl, I realise that this situation is not exactly perfect, and there are a lot of issues that have to be resolved, but you’re alive and, as far as I can tell, in perfect health. You have been extremely lucky, and I think you should be glad for that if nothing else.”
He helped her off the exam table. “Thanks, Doc.”
“A special lady told me quite recently that you should take your opportunities when they arise, say what you need to say, and do what you need to do before it’s too late and you never have the chance, and quite frankly, I agree with her! Go out with your friends, take the entire team. Heavens knows, we could all use some R&R. Have a good meal, and then get a good night’s sleep. In the morning, start life as you mean to go on: a good breakfast, a little exercise, and plenty of fresh air. Carry on like that, your mind will recuperate, and you will have your control back in no time at all.” He paused briefly and smiled. “Trust me…” his smile widened. “I’m a doctor!”
Marie laughed and walked out of the med lab towards the elevator with Jubilee and Logan close beside her. Logan pushed the call button, and all three waited in silence for it to arrive.
Jubilee stepped into the elevator first, then Logan and lastly Marie. Logan pushed the button for the top floor, and they started to move up. All three stared at the door, completely rigid and unmoving, not daring to look at each other. The elevator stopped at the top, and Jubilee was first out. She turned and stood in front of Logan and Marie.
Jubilee sighed and then shouted. “OK! Enough with the awkward silence already!” She pointed at Logan. “So you heard every word…” Then she pointed at Marie. “…and you know he heard every word. So surely this makes everything a *lot* easier, doesn’t it? You got it all out in the open and told the truth about what you feel and think, and you heard her say it, so now you both know and you both know that the other knows as well, so, you know, talk already!”
“Jubilee, I don’t think it’s that simple…”
Jubilee rolled her eyes and walked off down the corridor. “WHATEVER!”
Marie was staring after her. “Jubilee!”
“BORED NOW!” She kept on walking.
Logan was leaning against the back of the elevator with his hands in his pockets and his face towards the floor. “Marie…”
Marie turned to stare at him. “What?”
He shrugged. “I should have let you know I was there or left and given you the privacy you obviously wanted.” He shrugged again and reached forward, running his finger down her white streak, a brief smile crossed his lips. “I let my fear of losing you get in the way of everything. I wanted you so badly, to have you, to have you as mine, and she kinda got there first. It made me angry that I’d waited for so long to do something about my feelings. It made me want you even more, want my scent on you, feel your skin against mine.” He rubbed his hand over his face and sighed heavily. “I guess I was scared that I'd never get you back. So I was taking it out on Carol. I was taking the only bit of you I had left and punishing the person who got there before I could get there myself. And you know, you’re right, I should never have threatened to rape her, never played on that. It was fucked up, and I can’t take it back. I can’t fucking change it. I want to, I want to make it all better, make you see me like you did before, without all the shit, but I guess I can’t change that either.”
“Logan…”
“Tell me, tell me what you want me to say, what you want me to do, and I’ll do it. You want me to leave, I will. You want me to be with you, God, I will, whatever you want, Marie. If you want me to fucking skewer myself to the school flagpole, I will! Just tell me please!”
“Logan, I don’t know…”
“I wouldn’t have done it, Marie. I wouldn’t have ever hurt you like that. Jesus, I wouldn’t hurt anyone like that. You gotta know that, Marie, you gotta believe me.”
“I do. I do believe you, Logan. I just… I just don’t want to be scared of you. I love you, and that’s what I want to happen, to love you, to be with you. I wanna take ‘us’ as far as we’re supposed to go, move in, marriage, kids, if that’s what we’re meant to be, if that’s what we want. I don’t want to go through all of that and have you thinking that you have to keep yourself in check and hold back 24/7. But I don’t want to be scared of you.”
“Damn it, you don’t have to be scared of me! Come on, Marie, let’s face it. It’s more than likely that I’m gonna lose it. I can be an angry kinda person, but it doesn’t automatically mean that I’m gonna take that out on you.”
“Ok fine, but what’s to stop you from doing this to someone else? Like Jubes, said and she’s right Logan, no matter what someone has done, you can’t treat them like that.”
“And I won’t, Marie. I won’t. I… I think we need to start again. There’s nothing else I can say to make you understand what’s going on in my head, ‘cause I don’t even know. Maybe you’re right. It’s a primal thing, alpha dog and all that.” He leaned back against the elevator wall with a heavy sigh. “She got under my skin, Marie. She made me look at you and see something I didn’t like, and I hate her for that. Making me react to you like that, like the enemy, like... I dunno.”
She looked him up and down. “Ok, this conversation needs to end before we both get so depressed we commit joint suicide. Let’s start again. Let’s start with dinner, give it a couple of weeks, and see how we go. I mean, we could have jumped the gun completely and simply just not work. We both agreed that we need time, so let’s give ourselves time.”
Logan nodded, and she turned to walk out of the elevator, but he took her arm gently and stopped her. “How about a holiday, couple of weeks away? Chuck’s still got that manor house in the south of France. You could get the rest they keep saying you need, and we could, you know, work on, whatever…”
“I like that idea. But… but no sex.”
He looked at his feet and chuckled. “No sex.”
She chuckled too. “No, sex is bad.”
He kept his head down and looked at her from under his lashes, a smirk on his lips. “Yeah, sex is definitely bad.”
Marie looked at his feet and slowly brought her eyes up his body, legs, strong thighs, flat stomach, and massive chest, still showing its shape under his clothes. Then she met his eyes. Hooded and dark, he looked absolutely lethal. She closed her eyes and sighed, trying to hold back her smile. She couldn’t believe him. Here she was trying to do what was best for both of them, and he purposely made himself look like a velvet danger-salad with sexy on the side. “Ya just can’t help yourself, can you?”
“Actually I’d say helping myself was kinda the problem!”
She shook her head. “Ok, number one, stop looking at me like I‘m your next meal, and number two, can we go eat now?”
*********
Marie woke up on her side facing the brilliant sunshine. She sat up and looked around the large living room she found herself in. Logan was nowhere to be seen. He must have gone for a walk while she took a nap. She smiled: he had laid a blanket over her. She got off the couch and walked to the huge French windows that lead out into the vast grounds, opening them easily and letting the breeze into the room.
She walked out onto the grass, feeling its cool surface under her bare feet and looked back at the huge Manor House, it was amazing. She had taken the blanket with her, and as the wind grew a little, she wrapped it around herself and looked out into the gardens to see if she could spot Logan.
“Beautiful, isn’t it?” Mare’s head whipped round at the almost musical sound of a woman’s voice. Carol. She was face to face with her. Marie dropped the blanket on the grass and took a step back, unable to speak. “Oh don’t worry, this is only a dream.” Carol’s voice seemed to echo somehow.
“I… I…”
“You don’t understand? That’s fine. Let me explain.” Carol took a step towards her, her blond hair waving around her, and Marie matched her step but backwards. “I’m not going to hurt you, Marie. This is your dream, but I’m here to tell you a few things.”
“Like what exactly?”
“You don’t know who you are, where you want to be, how you feel about Logan, and you think I’ve corrupted your view of him.” Marie looked around her frantically, trying to find anyone or anything to stop this. Carol smiled. “Don’t you like it here? Would this be better?”
Carol gestured behind Marie. As Marie turned to look in that direction, Carol pointed, and the scenery changed around her. The grass stayed under her feet, but she was suddenly standing in front of Xavier’s School.
“Or maybe this?” As Marie turned her head back to Carol, everything changed again, this time from sunlight to dark. She was suddenly on top of the Statue of Liberty, the wind chasing her hair all around her face.
“You’re meant to be dead!” She shouted over the sound of the wind.
“Yes, I am dead. My body is dead, and thanks to Charlie-boy, so is by mind. You’re still alive though, and you know what? You’re wasting it.” Carol pointed behind Marie. “Look.” Marie looked. She was in the bar in Laughlin where she had met Logan. The noise almost deafening, cheering on the fighters. She watched as Logan punched out his opponent with ease, then stalked back to the side of the cage to finish his shot of whiskey. She gasped at the sight of him. Then everything shifted slightly, and it was gone. The bar was empty, and it was silent. “That’s when you knew, that’s the moment. The moment you knew who he was and what he was. Still got in his trailer though, didn’t you? You somehow knew that he could kill you without a second thought, but you followed him anyway. Why?”
“I… I don’t know.”
Carol nodded her head behind Marie, and the bar disappeared into the interior of a train. Marie stood next to Carol and looked at herself, covered by her thick green coat. She watched Logan sit with her, talk with her, and then she heard him promise to take care of her and hold her close to him.
“You saw the good in him, whereas others had only seen the bad, the hate, pain. He was something to fear for them, something to back away from, but to you he…” Marie looked at Carol as the train turned into her room at Xavier’s.
“Why are you doing this?” Marie looked around her again, refusing to believe that this was in fact a dream and hoping that someone would come to her aid.
“Because I’m the only one left inside. Oh, don’t get me wrong, if your mind could have given you Logan or Erik, it would have, but your choices are limited of late, aren’t they, honey?” She let her head drop to the side as she looked at Marie who was reminded of a curious puppy. “You see …” Her room began to change around them again, this time turning to the cold, metal-encased room that had held Carol. “You need to realise a few things.” Marie stayed paralysed. “Who knows your name? Your real name. No one. You have never told them, never wanted to. You’ve known them for years and never told them. Yet you’d known Logan less than five minutes. The only one who knew, the only one you wanted to know, was Logan. He was the one you told your secrets to. You cry on his shoulder, spar with him. He’s the one who takes you for burgers, makes you laugh, and you’re the only one, the only one, he lets in under his defences. You know you want him.”
Marie stood staring at her for what seem liked an eternity, trying to get a hold of what Carol was trying to say. Carol smile and crossed her arms, then waved a hand around the room a set of silver handcuffs materialised in her hand, she threw them at Marie who caught them clumsily. “You need to get this out of your system.”
Marie woke up with such a jump that she hit her head on the passenger side window, rubbing it instantly. The rain continued to fall down the outside of the window, unaffected by her sharp movement. Her dream faded away and everything came rushing back to reality.
“You ok?” Logan’s voice brought her completely back to reality.
“Yeah.” She sat up and rubbed her eyes. “Sorry, I didn’t meant to fall asleep.” Her fear slipped away from her, but the uncertainty of the whole situation stayed with her.
“Probably the red wine. We’re home.” He pulled the truck into the garage of Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters, and she jumped out, ready to run back to the mansion without even saying a word to him, her mind still whirring from the strange conversation with Carol, she just didn’t know what she had meant.
“Hey?”
“Yeah?”
He walked round her side of the truck and stood in front of her, blocking her quick exit. “Trying to get away from me or something?” His smirk made her feel a little better.
She sighed. “No, I…I - I’m just so tired Logan.”
He looked at his feet and then back into her eyes. “See ya in the morning then.” She bit her lip. Feeling a little bit like a bunny caught in headlights, she stopped, frozen to the spot. He put his hand gently on her cheek.
She never really noticed before that even in a tender moment how dangerous he looked. She sighed. What is it about men who could kill you in a heartbeat? Why did they get you all hot and breathless? Was it the risk, the thrill of flirting with such incredible danger, or was it the edge? That edge that normal men just don’t have, men like Scott and Bobby. She had to smile at that thought. He kissed her then, swallowing her smile and her every thought as his hands sunk slowly into her hair, holding her firmly in place against his lips.
He let her go and smirked at her. She couldn’t help but giggle like a complete girl before she regained her composure. “Stay with me tonight.” She realised that she was just as impulsive as he was and right now she had a sudden impulse to be comforted.
The smirk on his lips faded and was replaced by a genuine brilliant smile at her words.
*************END OF PART TEN
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Summary: “Ok, this conversation needs to end before we both get so depressed we commit joint suicide…”
Thank you to Gamma for her patience.
Thank you to Gamma for her patience.