I'd treaded lightly for days, so fucking polite I wanted to smash something. I'd been back for a couple of weeks, but I didn't get any alone time with her. Then, on the night I'm supposed to leave, she comes to me. I'm sittin' outside, needing some space - but that never really includes her. She leans against the bench, staring off into space. We stayed that way for awhile, until she nudges me on the shoulder with her elbow.
"You curious?" she asks.
"'bout what?"
"C'mon Logan, y'know. About me. The big change." She says the last sentence in a mock ominous voice that makes me believe other people find 'the big change' scary. It only makes me smile.
I'd come back to find her different, but so familiar. Same face, same soft voice. Eyes filled with wisdom, smile of innocence, but she'd grown inside. Rumors of skin that could still kill, wrapped around a body that was indestructible. Then I'd heard the word 'fly' and almost choked. There was talk of an accident, a change - a girl no longer afraid and no longer cured. How long had I been gone? I should've been here for that. I should have been here for her.
"You wanna talk about it?" I ask.
"No."
"Okay."
"You wanna see?"
I sit there, unsure of what she is asking, but truth be told all I want is this moment. Time alone. Just us.
She'd taken up with some new guy while I was gone, so there wasn’t much for just us. I’d lied and told myself I was happy for her, but I never gave her that line. "He treat you right?" was all I'd said to her. She told me yes and I let it go.
See you may think I've always had an eye for Marie, but that's not how it is. Sure, when I first saw her, I eyeballed her thinking two things: young hooker or jail bait. What can I say? I'm a dirty old man at heart. But then I knew she was like me ... and she was scared. Then she looked to me for help, and I gave it. Gladly. She made me feel like I could be good. Maybe do somethin' right for a change. So I did the best I could for Marie. That did not include chasin' her tail.
I finally met this new guy on the team after being back a day. Gambit he called himself. I didn't know what the hell kinda name that was, but I didn't trust him from the get go. He looked like he could be my age! Or ... at least the age I look. He was too smooth. Even outside of the Marie thing there was something about him I didn't like. Marie on the other hand? She lit up like the sunrise every time he came around. Maybe that's what started me thinkin'.
She'd flash him this smile and look at him like he could rope down the damn moon for her. She'd laugh and talk to him in a way that I knew she made him feel like the greatest person in the room, no matter who was around. That's when it hit me. She used to look at me like that! She used to make me feel like that! Suddenly I wanted back in the front row, but this Cajun had pushed me into the cheap seats. I wasn't pleased.
I had to be around them and their happiness. I'd hear him spouting off French and bleeding that damn accent for all it was worth. Truth be told, everybody else loved it! They thought he was a great guy. The girls all thought he was hot and he obviously made Marie happy, so I just kept my mouth shut.
I didn't even try to provoke him like I used to do with Scott. For some reason it just didn't seem right, but I could've. Easily. I could've taken up Marie's time, took her off on my bike, stood way too close and hugged her way too much - just to piss the Cajun off and cause them problems. But I knew I wouldn't do it. No one fuck's with Marie's happiness, ‘specially me.
So I left them alone and was doing a good job of it too, 'til I noticed something about Remy LeBeau. He wasn't shit scared of Marie's skin like the Ice Boy. And with no skin fear to keep him at bay, the Cajun did exactly as I would've: when he was near Marie, he was all hands!
I'd try to get my morning coffee in peace and he'd be makin' a show of leaning over her to reach up in a cabinet. He'd make sure he was pushed up against her, pinning her to the counter. Sometimes he'd reach for things at dinner and wasn't satisfied until his arm had brushed her chest at least four or five times.
I wanted to kick his ass! But if I were him, I'd be doing the same damn thing! Probably worse. I tried to be happy for Marie because she was so happy. You could see it all over her face. She liked her new strength, her new place on the team, her new boyfriend and the fact that he couldn't keep his hands off her - deadly skin or not. She lit up from the inside and I wanted to be a part of that.
Hell - I wanted to be the cause of that!
I wanted to be the closest one to her again, the one she came to. I wanted to be the one she giggled at when I copped a feel at the breakfast table. I wanted Marie!
And it was hell. I'd gone to Chuck so he'd send me on a job. I thought a few weeks away would clear my head, so I was to leave in a week. With that settled, I'd felt better. I went to the roof one night for a smoke because it was always my place to be alone. That night it was a little crowded. They were on the other side, but I heard them whispering. I could hear every word and I'd know her voice anywhere. She was asking him about his past and he was changing the subject to how beautiful she was. All his compliments were true, but he was dodging. Then it got quiet. Too quiet. They were kissing. Just quick ones to be safe, but still kissing.
Then I heard the most beautiful noise. I heard Marie release the softest little whimper and every hair on my body stood on end. He was touching her! He had to be and somehow he was doing it right. She was breathing heavier and whimpered a little louder and my feet were cemented to the goddamn roof. I should've left, but I couldn't. A light breeze blew over and I could smell her on the wind, her heat mixed with honeysuckle. The smell reached me as another moan did and I wasn't just insanely jealous, I was crushed.
That should've been me! That should've been me daring to touch her and me making her feel good, me letting her know that the right man for her wouldn't be able to stay away - skin be damned! I had never been afraid to touch her and I wanted to be that man. I should've told her. I should have done something sooner.
I slid off that roof so quietly and roared off on my bike that night. I came back today though, because I had to pack for Chuck's job. So I packed and was ready to go but ... yeah, so I was dragging my ass because I wanted to see her. Sitting outside, I was gonna finish my smoke before telling her good bye.
Funny thing is she came to me.
"Hellooo, Logan? Where'd ya go, big guy?" she asks me - snapping me out of all those recent memories.
"Huh?"
"I said, do you wanna see?"
I'm not sure I understand, but I don't really care.
"Sure kid. I wanna see."
She slides her little gloved hand into mine, tugging me to my feet. Just that small gesture and it is immediately evident, how much she's changed. Power and strength are tough to hide.
We walk away from the mansion silently and I don't question that she's not letting go of my hand. When we reach an open area, she turns to face me.
"You trust me dontcha?"
I look down into the only face I truly trust. "Yeah."
She moves around behind me, wrapping two slender arms under mine and around my chest. "Don't worry, I've got you," she says, just before my feet leave the ground.
I am a tough old bastard and I don't scare easily, but gravity makes me nervous. Holy fuck it felt weird! I prefer two feet on the ground and my instincts roar in opposition, but I tell 'em to shove it for the time being. She wants to show me and I want to see.
We go straight up, about thirty feet into the air and I start to twitch. I hear and feel her chuckle behind me, her chest pressed against my back, and I really don't need to be thinking about that right now.
"I won't drop you, Logan. Promise," she says and tightens her grip. Just as we level off, two shapely legs hug mine to hold me steady. Suddenly I'm not worried about the descending ground below. It's hard to worry when I have the length of Marie plastered to my back side.
"You okay?" she asks loudly, speaking up over the rush of air.
"I'm good," I answer honestly, but she giggles again, thinking I'm nervous about the heights. I have no idea what to do with my hands, so I just sort of hold them against my stomach.
We go over acres of tree tops and I take a moment to try and absorb. I'm flying. I'm fucking flying! I don't realize I've said that last bit out loud until I hear her say, "I know. Kinda cool, huh?"
Yeah, it's pretty damn cool.
The moon hangs heavy and full, giving a glow to everything below. I can see distant city lights from up here and make out slithering lengths of highway. The view itself is great, the fact that Marie's cheek keeps brushing up against my hair makes it even better. I can't help but grin about it and I must make some kind of happy noise in my chest because I feel her pull away slightly and apologize.
"Sorry. You're hair smells good," she says and I can hear the smile in her voice.
"What - all the cigar smoke?" I joke, trying to turn my head to the side.
"No," she says seriously. "Just smells like you."
You're not making this any easier kid. Suddenly we descend about five feet and I tense up. She feels it and makes sure her hold is firm.
"It's okay. I'm not going to drop you, even if you do weigh a ton," she teases.
I hadn't even thought about my weight since it doesn't seem to hinder her a bit. "It ain't that kid," I say loudly, letting my snarkiness show even though she knows it's exactly that - show. "Just *someone* forgot to warn me about the five foot drop. Maybe give a heads up next time."
"Sure thing!" she says, and then I feel her right against my ear. "I'm going to go down now … is that okay?" she asks in a normal tone, but I can feel her voice vibrating in my ear.
Oh for fuck's sake.
"Yeah," I say, resolved to the awkwardness, knowing if the positions were switched, it would look very much like I was humping her right now. The image of Marie humping me makes me grin like an idiot. What am I, 15?
We descend to just above the tree tops and circle back towards the mansion. She takes me over the lake and the scene is breath taking. I'm not a guy who uses pansy-ass phrases like that, but the shit is breath taking. The moon is reflected so perfectly on the still water and I can almost imagine it is a mirror, showing us the stars and night sky as a backdrop. I should know I’ve got it bad when I start thinking shit like that.
Marie uses the moon's light, almost as a spotlight, and flies us right along it's path across the lake's surface. I can't think of a single snide remark, don't feel like a goofy 15-year old anymore. Everything is just too perfect. Outside, a quiet night, the smell of nature and Marie and no one around but just us. It jerks almost violently on a part of me that realizes this is exactly what I want. All I need.
Before I know it, we slow down to coasting and are only a few feet above the water, gliding over it effortlessly.
"Why so quiet?" I hear her ask.
"Just appreciating it, darlin'," I answer.
She dips down closer and loosens one arm, while tightening with her legs. Her arm lets go and I'm not a big fan of that idea.
"Marie!" I growl in warning, hoping to hell she knows what she's doing.
"Relax," she says and I notice *she* is reassuring *me*. Used to always be the other way around.
Her gloved fingertips touch the water and trace a vee across it, creating ripples.
"Go on Logan, try it," she encourages. "I won't let you go on a midnight swim, promise."
I reach one hand down and it dips into the water. It's not nearly as graceful or sexy as when she did it, but it is still actually fun.
"Water's still kind of cold," I say because I can't think of anything fancy or romantic.
"Yeah," she says on sigh like I had just said something romantic after all.
Then I get a splash of that cool water right into the face as she giggles sweetly behind me. Never one to let good old fashion revenge slide by, I reach down and scoop up a palm full and toss it over my shoulder at her. Her attempt at dodging fails, but knocks us off course enough so that we wobble side to side.
"Whoa - truce!" I call immediately, not caring that I sound like a beaten pansy because I really don’t want a dunking.
She laughs and sputters the water from her face, but takes us over to the shore, touching down lightly on the sand.
I'm grateful for land again, but reluctantly let go.
She's still laughing and wiping the water from her face and into her hair, and then she hits me with one of those mega watt smiles that I haven't received since I've been back. Now I feel like the greatest person around and I don't care that there's no one else to see it.
"It's a rush, isn't it?" she says, meaning the flight.
"Yeah," I answer, not talking about the same thing at all.
There are still droplets of water on her skin and around her temple, making her even more fresh faced and dewy looking than normal. I'm only human ... well, mutant.
"You look good, Marie. Happy – I mean. This ... all this suits you and ... are you? Happy, I mean?" I say all this before I can do my usual routine of avoidance and denial.
"Yeah," she nods, her breathing a little heavier, "I am."
I am happy for her, I remind myself, but I can't stop the thread of jealousy that's unraveling inside. I don't want to give up my front row seat, I don't want to know that the fucking Cajun is with her, getting all her little giggles and big smiles, stealing any inside jokes or touching her, kissing her, pressing against her. My greediness for Marie makes me irritable.
"So what does he think of all this?" I ask, and I know my tone is clipped and I won't look at her as I act like an asshole.
"Who?" she asks, genuinely confused.
"The Cajun - Gambit. What did he think of flying? Probably had something slick and French to say about it." I am aware that I sound like a spoiled child whose favorite toy is being taken away.
"I ... I wouldn't know," she says, digging the toe of her boot into the sand. Her hesitance makes me stop and look down at her. Sincere brown eyes meet mine and I feel like a heel. I'm about to apologize when she answers.
"He hasn't ever flown with me. I mean ... I haven't ever asked him. Didn’t … want to take him." Her voice drops to just above a whisper. "You're the only one."
How is it that I can feel like the fucking cat's meow, but it is so hard to meet her eyes? It's because half of me wants to strut around and howl to the moon that I'm the real motherfucking man in her life and everyone needs to know it, while the other half of me is completely humbled and in awe by everything that she is.
I want to say something honest, something to let her know I don't take her confession lightly.
"I ... I'm honored." And it's the God's honest truth. "I'm glad I'm the only one."
Her soft little brow wrinkles in confusion and I want to kiss that spot until it relaxes.
"You are?" she asks.
"Yeah," I say. "Y'know I'm leaving tonight. For a job ... for Chuck." I don't know why I say it so flatly. Maybe to gauge her reaction. The disappointment is written all over her and even hangs in the air. Am I a bastard because this makes me happy?
"But I'm coming back in a few weeks," I add in a rush. "Shouldn't take long and then I'll be back ... so," I have no idea what to say next.
She only nods, but is smiling about my promised return.
"Well," she says, looking around, now awkward, "I'll ... uhm ... we'll go flying again when you get back and I won't take anyone else ... while you're gone I mean. If ... if that's what you want."
Her hands are in her pockets and her booted toes are back to drawing in the sand. Tonight, it's just us, being with her like this is so perfect. She looks so open, patient and waiting - waiting for something. Logan! You're an idiot.
My hands are in her hair and I don't care that she's so surprised that her hands are still in her damn pockets when I kiss her. I just tilt her head back and press my lips against hers knowing there will be no better time. I close my eyes, but I know hers are still open and probably wide as saucers. I don't linger long because I know her worries about skin on skin. Pulling back, I gaze down into those brown eyes and her mouth is hanging open slightly. Then, slowly, it spreads into the widest, happiest grin I think I've ever seen. I know the feeling, because I'm wearing the same damn smile.
On tip toes, she leans up with her hands on my chest and kisses me back. This time it goes slower, even taking time to taste her on my tongue. Before the absorption can open up, she pulls back.
Now it really takes all I've got not to whoop and howl. I didn't know it was possible, the warm feeling of ... of giddy. I have never. Ever. Been so happy in my life.
"I ... I still gotta go," I stammer, not wanting to leave now but knowing it's unavoidable.
She smiles and moves a hand down to slide into mine. "I know. It's okay." And it is.
We start up the path towards the mansion, her hand in mine like we started the evening. I turn to her as we reach the open garage that houses my bike.
"What about ..?" I can't stop myself from asking and I won't let myself think of anyone kissing Marie on rooftops now or I'll completely fly off the handle.
"Don't worry," she stops me. "I'll ... I'll handle it." She will too, I have no doubt.
I straddle the bike, for the first time in my life reluctant to hit the open road. Pulling her closer, I know I gotta steal one last kiss before I go. It's just for good measure, to make sure this isn't all in my head.
It's not.
You can't make up something this good.
“Hurry back,” she says, giving my hand one last squeeze.
Don’t worry, baby. I will.
The Wolverine & Rogue Fanfiction Archive
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Author's Chapter Notes:
This little fic has been in my head for awhile and finally wanted out. I feel all shippery and romantic, although I have no good cause to be - other than I am an admitted hopeless romantic at heart. *is a sap*
Thanks to dakashy for giving me short notice beta.
Thanks to dakashy for giving me short notice beta.