It wasn't her shape that drew him, or her way of always being the 'quiet one'.
It was her sense of self, the way she held herself after a night of terrors; he'd heard her cries from his room but he hadn't dared enter. Instead he'd left her to it, walked away and wondered exactly what she was going through every night.
In the morning's she looked fine, she looked normal, except for her eyes, she'd look for him, lock gazes for a second then she'd look down before looking away. He knew enough about body language to know what *that* gesture meant. He just wondered what the hell to do about it.
He'd watched her as she'd moved through the school, her head half-lowered, her shoulders hunched over as if hiding a bigger form than she actually was. She was withdrawing, pulling herself inside, cutting off options and it was then he decided to talk to her.
Six weeks, four days and thirteen hours since he'd woken back up on that table in med bay; looking over trying to find the scent that was driving him crazy. Seeing her laid on the cold floor under his bed, hands gripping the support beneath it with all her might. As if she were keeping him locked into this world, when he'd finally gotten up she'd already gone, the only reminder was a faint scent of salt.
He'd grabbed Jeannie and questioned her about it, she told him when she was close to him her nightmares weren't as bad. As if returning to their source seemed to quieten them, it had been then that he'd found out about the extra burden he'd heaped onto her shoulders.
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He found her soon enough, sat in the shade while others were sunning themselves in the late September sun. Taking his cue from her he seated himself near her, leaving a decent gap he didn't want to spook her.
Her breathing was punctuated by small pieces of laughter as she watched her school friends play pranks on each other. He caught her scent of frustration and loss, mixed in equal measure with her longing to join them.
"You could join them you know? You don't have to sit with an old man." She'd smiled at his words, an old smile, one that she wore with a defeated look in her eyes. She didn't look his way as she answered him, she only watched the horseplay.
"No Ah can't Logan, Ah can't. Never will." She seemed so resigned to the fact he felt his own heart stutter with the finality of her words. When she looked at him he almost touched her she looked so alone, "Besides, Ah *like* sittin' with Ol' Men." She tried to smile but it didn't reach her eyes, instead there was an age in them that hadn't been there when he'd picked her up on that road in Canada.
He was stuck, she didn't want to be out there and being here with him was okay but not perfect he could sense that. Yet he'd never been one for company himself so who was he to judge? They hadn't talked about the incident on the torch, it had been swept under the carpet of their lives. Like the invisible elephant that had suddenly dropped the cloak; they had no choice to but to talk about it.
Logan started, "You're having my dreams." He didn't question her, he knew she was Jeannie had told him. Marie just looked at him; her smile faded and the look he saw in the mirror on mornings where he'd been through the wringer was there on her face. He wished he could've touched her then and not have her read it as something else.
"Yeah Ah do, every last one of em.....mind you there nothin' compared to Erik's." Logan frowned as she tried to look away again but his hand shot out to hold her arm and she looked back at him.
"What?" She blinked slowly, her eyes darkening as she did so, deepening the ache she was holding in.
"Erik, Magneto? Ah have his dreams too.....not as often as yours but they still crop up."
Xavier had told him that any residue of Erik had been released when she nearly died on the machine, was he lying?
"But Wheels said...." Marie flinched at his words and she removed her arm from his grip.
"He doesn't know, no one does, they all think they're yours." She looked a little guilty when she spoke that bit, as if she didn't want them to blame him for everything. She wrapped her gloved hands together, intertwining her fingers so they locked up. "Ah didn't want to be prodded anymore, Jean's done enough tests on me to build a whole new database. Ah don't want anymore of them."
This was news, no one had told him about the tests, about the data being stored about her. Logan touched her shoulder and pulled her round to face him, the leaves above dappling her skin with light and shade as she turned. "What tests? What has she been doing?" Marie rolled her eyes as if to say 'As if you don't know.'
"She's been goin' through mah head, tryin' to sort out the nightmares. She does it when they get too bad for me to get any sleep."
"I didn't know," she looked through him looking for the lie, but she didn't expect him to look so concerned about it.
"What do ya mean 'you didn't know', Jean told ya, she said she did." Logan shook his head, running through the recent coversations he'd had with her, there had been nothing about Marie's state of mind in any of them.
"Seriously Marie, she's said nothin' to me about any of this." Suddenly Marie's face became tight her features clouded as her scent suddenly flooded with anger and confusion.
She wanted to run but she didn't move from her seat in the dappled shade, breathing through her nose she jutted out her jaw at the laughing teenagers on the lawn.
"Bitch." The word was filled with such venom that Logan felt her twitch with the expulsion of it into the air. It was the way she said it that made Logan turn himself toward her again.
"Marie? Marie whay did she say to you?" He needed to see her face, to see her explain the hate he could feel pouring from her.
"She wanted to help me she said, to stop the dreams hurtin' me. Ah let her *in*, Ah let her *inside mah head*!" She said the last peice through gritted teeth, tears were threatening to fall and they had nothing to do with weakness. They were all anger fuelled and he could sense her impending explosion.
"Come on, we're goin' for a walk; somewhere away from the kids." She seemed to like that sentiment and allowed him to take her elbow in his grip and move her toward the woodland path. They'd have some modicum of privacy there and he'd be able to hear or smell anyone who was creeping up on them.
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Her mind was seething, how could she be so *stupid*, how could she have trusted someone else so *soon* after Erik? Hadn't she learned anything from Logan's and Erik's remaining memories? Closeness led to *pain*, it led to hatred, it led you into situations where you were fucked over.
Now she'd revealed that to the source of her troubles, she could see how much it had irritated him and that didn't make for a happy situation. As he half pulled her into the forest she almost saw him beginning to berate her for being so stupid. The piece of him she had in her head was staying quiet for the moment, what bit of him she had left after Jean's dabbling.
He was *angry*, not at Marie but at *Jean* just what the hell had she been doing to Marie to turn her into this shadow of herself? When she'd first seen him on the road she'd been capable of looking after herself, now she'd freeze if someone came too near her. He wanted to know exactly what Jean had done to her but first he needed to calm down a little; just in case he fucked it up.
They'd been walking for a while before he spoke to her, carefully choosing his words. "Exactly what has Jean been doin' with you?" He looked at her as she walked with him, her hands lost in her pockets, shoved deep within her cotton coat that dragged through the leaf litter.
"She went inside mah head, she said she was helpin' me clear out what wasn't *me*." Her gaze lifted to the tree line ahead and Logan watched as she pitched a pinecone against the trunk of a tree. It smashed dead centre, scattering fruit everywhere, wiping her hands of dirt he stopped her dead.
"Take em off," his gaze met hers and he felt her try to step back from him. "Do you trust me?" That stopped her dead, he'd *promised* to take care of her and it had been his first promise for fifteen years. He'd kept it and then some, so she nodded.
"Sure Ah do."
"Then lose the gloves," he watched as she stripped the silky material off her skin, seeing her flex her fingers as if seeing them for the first time.
He started walking again and she fell into step with him, their feet taking them further away from the school and the sounds of occupation.
"What else?"
"Jean ya mean?"
"Yeah Jean," he wanted to hear it from her before he went after someone's hide.
"She just started to remove ya from mah mind, bits of ya that had stuck with me from the torch." Her eyes met his and he caught the edge of her blush that coloured her skin.
He had an idea of which peices she'd wanted rid of, the sexual habits he'd had weren't exactly 'normal', mainly about power and domination over the women he'd been with. And there had been the occassional man who'd thought he could win outside the cage using sugar when might had lost. But he'd been the victor on all counts, every time.
He didn't blush or apologise it was part of who he was and as such he was comfortable with it, thing was he didn't want anyone else to go through it as well. There was one way he could find out...."Toronto, Silver Street Apartments...." Her skin blew a torrent of red that washed over her features as she tried to regain her composure. A half-smile on her lips as she spoke in answer.
"Yeah, stuff like *that* was the stuff Ah really didn't want to know about ya Logan. Plus ya really have got bad taste in women ya know..." He stopped and she stopped with him, her face blushing furiously but her eyes locked onto his own. "*Three* red heads? Why not go for one of each? A blonde, red head and brunette? At least then there'd be some damn difference between em!"
He'd gotten hooked up with a trio of exotic dancers, all red heads, spent a fun two days with em before they'd cleaned him out and locked him out of the apartment. He'd come away a bit short on cash but he still had his truck, it'd made him shy of dancers for a while. But his libido had won out in the end.
"How much of me is left in there?" He'd stopped again and his hand was touching her arm, she was trying to keep a distnace between her and him and that in itself disturbed him.
"Not much, only a few of your nastier memories, the lab mainly." Her gaze had become haunted with the taint of it and it made her shudder.
"Were the dreams that bad when you had all of me inside your head?"
She considered this for a while, lost in silence as she thought it through. When she had she just looked at him and he felt his heart lurch as she spoke. "No, they weren't as bad, not as bad as now."
He wanted to scream, ram his fist through something as it finally came clear to him, when Jean removed his trace from her there were parts of him, the darker parts of him she couldn't reach because even *he* couldn't reach them. Everytime Jean tore away a piece of him she was exposing more of the darkness he'd hidden inside himself.
Pulling Marie into his arms she struggled for a moment before allowing him to hold her, she softened in his grip her sigh telling him everything.
"It's okay, I've got you, I won't let her hurt you anymore I promise. I'm so sorry Marie, I didn't know."
Suddenly he was struggling with her, her hair was flying everywhere as she struggled to be free of him, out of his embrace. "MARIE, what the hell?!" She tore out of his arms and stood facing him, red faced and crying, her features warped out of true by anger and hatred.
"What the hell do you *care*, all you'll do is see *her* and fall at her feet just like everyone else does. She's *so* much better isn't she Logan? So *much* 'Redder' than anyone else *here*, everyone just rolls over when she bats those eyelashes of hers." Angry she stepped away from him, her steps gaining in strength and power, her voice filled with spite as she fired off her final volley.
"She *told* me Logan, she told me what you said when you woke up. That you loved *her*, kind a' make's a promise made to a runaway pretty cheap don't ya think?!" Then she was gone, lost to the forest and he just stood there, not sure of anything anymore but one thing he'd be doing was talking to Jean.
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How could she have done it? She told him, she told him she *knew*, she'd seen the hurt it gave him when she'd said it. Almost as if he hadn't known, but he must have Jean told her he knew, that her feelings were real but she was a *child*. He'd never feel for her the way he could for Jean, the way he *did* for Jean. It had never crossed her mind that he hadn't known, that he'd been reaching out becuase of that love for her. Just it wasn't the same type of love she'd wanted from him didn't mean he didn't love her.
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Jean was in the middle of class when Logan barged in, she didn't need to scan his mind to know he was upset. It was the way his hair was messed up as if he'd just taken apart a tree and by the looks of his clothes and knuckles he just had.
"What did you do to *her*?!" She tried to speak but Logan was coming toward her and she felt fear run down her spine.
"Who?" Anger fuelling his actions he grabbed Jean's shirt and pulled her upto his face.
"MA...Rogue!"
He watched the light enter her face as what she'd been doing had finally been caught out, the way she reacted told him enough. Her scent filled with lust and need told him more and he scowled as he threw her back against the desk. Teeth bared he snarled at her, whispering his threat to her so no one else could hear him.
"You touch her, even go near her mind again I'll *kill* ya, I'll fuckin' peel that bony sack you call a body and piss on what's left!" His eyes fully dark he stepped closer into her face spitting his hate direct into her mind, "I'd rather fuck the blue bitch than touch your mangy carcass, leave what's *mine* alone! Or you'll be seein' me sooner than ya think." Then he was gone and the class watched their tutor try to gather her composure after his footsteps had passed away.
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She was inside her own room when he went to find her, sleeping on her side, facing the door. Shutting it behind him, locking it too he shook her awake, her hands were still bare and he was pleased to see them free. He needed her hands free for what he had planned.
When she was awake, he touched her face through her hair, "Touch me." Her eyes widened as she understood what he was saying to her, his hand drifted lower to her own bare hand. Resting on her covered wrist he let her choose, "There's more to me than the dreams Marie, you *know* that. What you needed was taken away from you, let me give it back." Shaken her tears filled her eyes again, flooding the chocolate brown of her gaze. Her fingers ghosted over his skin checking he was ready, "Do it Marie, I'm ready for you."
This time he had his head prepared, all the good he saw in her was in his mind, the fight she had, the care and love he had for her. Everything she represented to him was there in the first few thoughts she took from him. He held onto the bed as her fingers touched him, it was seconds at the most but to them both it said a lifetime of words and emotions.
While he took his time recovering she sorted out the information he'd given her. The most important was that he loved her, it might not be lust but he *did* love her. She was more important than a bed partner, he could reveal everything to her over time because she was like him. She'd understand him, welcome him even when she was old and grey with a family of her own. And for him that was worth more than a few nights in the sack, pleasure with her had no strings, it was in *her* that his pleasure lay not in his dick.
They sat together for a while, just being together as things settled down, they'd both heard the door rattle and ignored it. Scotts voice outside wanting an explanation for upsetting Jean, they'd get to it later but now they needed some peace with each other. Pulling her onto the bed with him, she tucked herself up into his warmth. Nestled in his arms, safe in the bladed embrace, his voice purring in the encroaching darkness. "Next time you dream, find me, no matter where or who I'm with." She was going to complain that she couldn't do that when he stopped her. "If they care that much about me they'll understand, your part of my family Marie, your important. An if your in pain an' I can help I will." He made her look at him, "Got it?"
"Yeah, Ah got it."
"Good."
They stayed like that for an hour, just resting together, until the summons from Xavier rose Logan from his peace. He left her on her bed, happy and content her place in his life solidified, now he had to deal with the rest of them. That was the easy part, if they didn't agree they'd leave, simple as that. But somehow he didn't think it'd come to that, smiling he went down to deal with the 'adults'.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
A little ficlet about after the movie (X1), the relationship between Marie and Logan and what it actually means to the both of them.