'Love of mine some day you will die
But I'll be close behind
I'll follow you into the dark'
She hated waiting, the times he'd just barely make it back from a mission. The way Scott would walk in whole and hearty, while Logan was in pieces *again*. He always took the harshest road, never stopping, never being the one to follow orders when Wolverine came to the front of his mind. She'd told him often enough about her wish, if he died on the table; then she'd soon follow him. He meant too much to her to live without.
*************************
'No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white
Just our hands clasped so tight
Waiting for the hint of a spark
If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs'
He'd argued, fought, shouted, thrown things at her head like a child when she'd first told him. But it hadn't changed her mind, she still felt the same everytime he came home like this. So she sat there, waiting for him to recover, another mission where his body had used like a target. The wounds on his body so bad they'd kept him wrapped up in bandages so she couldn't see the metal glniting at her as he healed.
It was like when she'd been on the torch, when he'd touched *her*, cradled her in his arms, kissed her head and loved every piece of her as she'd come home from the cold dark. She'd been there, she knew how vast and empty it was, even Logan's dreams faded into obscurity when put byt the side of it. No, she wouldn't let him go alone into that place, not if she could help it.
***********************************
'If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark'
Hank knew her mission, he'd understood to some part but he'd try to save her if it ever came to it. Watching the machine push air into his body was something she hoped she *never* got used to. The beeping of tinny machines strapped to him never settled her nerves, it only ever made her wish he'd tear them apart. Made her wish she could do it to the ones who'd sent him into harm in the first place. But it was always his decision, always his way to fight, so she just sat and waited. She never left him until his eyes opened and saw her there, it was an unwritten agreement, something they both expected from the other.
******************************************
'In Catholic school as vicious as Roman rule
I got my knuckles bruised by a lady in black
And I held my tongue as she told me
"Son fear is the heart of love"
So I never went back'
People stopped asking where she was when Logan came back injured, they all knew where she'd be. Several had tried and failed to get her to rejoin life while he healed. It was useless, she *wouldn't* leave him, not until he was up and walking under his own steam. Then and only then would she leave his side, letting him have the space he needed to come back to himself, to work the kinks from his muscles. Even then Xavier had caught her hovering over him just in case, Logan had known but he'd understood her fear. She'd needed to see he was fully recovered and there was always a part of her that wondered *exactly* how much damage he could withstand and still live. She thought that was why he denied her any team role, she had to be here, alive so she could bring him home too.
When he woke he'd touch her for a second, let her feel what he was feeling and lately it had been relief that she was still there with him. Even after all the damage and death's he'd caused, her love never ceased to surprise him.
********************************************
'You and me have seen everything to see
From Bangkok to Calgary
And the soles of your shoes are all worn down
The time for sleep is now
It's nothing to cry about
Cause we'll hold each other soon
The blackest of rooms'
There were still promises to keep, things to do, he'd threatened to take her to Japan more than once but life never offered them the chance. Hell she still hadn't made it to Alaska, after ten years of tryin'. Her laugh echoed around the medbay as her hand gripped his through her silk glove. The thin barrier enough to keep him safe from her skin, enough to keep death at bay.
Breath good and deep bellowed out of his lungs, a hand once smashed to pieces rose and pulled the intubator out of a sore throat. Her tears unshed til now rolled free as her lover shifted and moved, undoing the straps, cutting himself free. His eyes unfocussed as she waited for him to see her, locking onto hers finally her smile the sun to his darkened soul.
Reaching out to her bare cheek, fingers smooth without the callouses he'd had last week; showing how much damage he'd had to heal. As they brushed her tear track, he felt his mind enter hers, the vow given again as she touched the back of his hand with her own.
"If there's no one beside you,
When your soul embarks,
Then I'll follow you into the dark."
He knew she'd die for him, she'd follow him into the darkness he settled in for a while every time he came back damaged. Sometimes it was only that thought that kept him fighting against the darkness that was so welcoming. That she'd follow him, she'd give up everything so he wasn't alone, love for her meant everything. Life without him *was* death, as much as it was for him, he knew others thought it unhealthy but he couldn't give a fuck what they thought about it. What mattered was her and that he was here to be with her again, but her vow always stood, just as his own did.
He'd not live without her, not again, not having found the light that brought the darkness into the shadow it really was. Without her he'd become an animal, unthinking, bestial, Wolverine with the brakes off and everyone knew it.
But now, right now he could smile, a rare smile that no one shared but them. Death for now pushed back into the background, his fingers loosed from them both for the moment. There was light and warmth enough to keep them loving, she was alive as was he, it was enough.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
A little sadness mixed with memories but I think you'll enjoy it, song lyrics by Death Cab For Cutie.