'When i wake up i find you're gone
There should be grief but i feel none'
After the battle everthing seemed fine, he'd dealt with teh pain fo losing Jean, of doing what had to be done. Everyone around him was actually supporting him, it was as if the pain of it had passed through everyone in the mansion, they all understood. Everyone was there for him, all except her, all except Marie but he never expected her to run and hold him. She had parts of him in her head after all, she knew how much it had cost him. So she'd smiled at him and left him to it.
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'Trying to leave the night behind
I hardly get my thoughts in line'
It was hard the first few weeks, but the more support he got, the better and more complete he felt. Even his dreams were fading back into the background of his mind. There was enough to do in the day to exhaust him as it was, he tried to touch base with those he cared about. Seeing Marie in corridors and smiling at her as she passed him, her face had been calm but her eyes had been anything but. Pity he hadn't noticed it earlier, maybe she might have talked to him, instead of what she did.
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'But there is one thing i could say
It seems i'm glad... i find you're gone'
The arguement had been collossal, he'd watched as she'd cussed out her 'friends', he'd waded in tried to sort out the problem, but she'd seen his anger directed at her. At her 'self' at her reluctance to 'fit in', everyone around her seemed normal to him but then he was never around to hear what was whispered in corners.
He'd told her to *leave*, to cool her jets somewhere and to come back when she was ready to act like an adult and not a brat, who'd run out when everyone had needed her.
The silence after his words had even weighted the other kids in the hallway, all Marie had done was drop her head to one side and smile sadly. Her eyes alive as she'd taken in what he'd asked of her, her answer to him had been, "Sure Logan, whatevah you want."
He hadn't thought any more about it; a few words thrown out in anger but the damage had been done.
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'I find you're gone...
I find you're gone...'
He'd been too busy, too many things pulling him in different directions to even notice, so when he'd seen her his surprise had kept him still even as he'd watched the car she'd been allocated pull away into the evening light.
He thought she'd be back when she'd cooled down.
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'You know it's wrong... you know the way...
But do you really want to stay?'
The next day had been strange, no one missed her, no one not even Bobby. He was too involved with Kitty to even realise something was wrong with the dining room he was in. He'd left his breakfast conglealing on his plate that morning, Ro' had asked him if he'd felt unwell, he'd just snorted through his nose at her. She hadn't noticed either.
She still hadn't come home and her car wasn't anywhere to be seen. He found the tracker on the garage floor, the wires ripped out and frayed in the morning light.
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'A sudden thought... a thing to mind...
It would be only wasting time...'
He could leave, he could go after her, couldn't he? What if she didn't *want* him to follow her, after all she wasn't a mutant anymore was she? The thought stayed in his mind as he went to look at the register of children who'd taken the cure. It was online somewhere, her name should be in there along with an identification photo. Suddenly filled with purpose he went to find out.
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'No matter how hard you will try...
It's just a feeling passing by'
She wasn't listed, but she *could* have given a false name, he'd checked the photographs of faces looking for hers. She hadn't been there, so why had she run? He searched for an answer that evaded him, he asked questions of the kids he'd known she'd hung out with. Only finding that she'd pulled away from them as well over the last few weeks, as if she'd been planning it all along. The feeling ate at him, she'd planned this, but why?
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'I won´t say that it´s true
That i´m here to stick with you'
He'd made her a promise, three years ago, on a train, when she'd been driven out once before. But she'd left supposedly to get the cure before he'd had chance to really to talk to her. So if she hadn't gone for the cure where *had* she gone? He took to his bike, he had to know, where had she gone and why, there were other people here to help out. There was something he was missing, something he couldn't see because he was too close, too involved. He needed distance and that meant the road.
After the decision was made he found it easy to leave, he wouldn't come back without her, where she was was 'home'. It had taken him too long to realise it.
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'You know, for me it's just a game
And that you're not the one to blame'
He'd always been the one for chasing things down, always the one to push a little too far, he'd loved the attention, the looks of praise from the mansion residents. Thing was the looks were empty, the praise fell like leaves on dead ground in winter, there was nothing actually 'here' for him.
As the days passed he came to realise she'd shown him, in her moods, her sad smiles, the more he'd been drawn into their bright coloured world. The more she'd pulled away, the more she'd cut herself off from everyone. He lost her, but what he'd gained in return hadn't been worth the loss.
Soon the calls home from him stopped, he knew he wouldn't find her there, he'd find her on the road. Like he used to be, travelling light and leaving no trace of herself behind but a smile and a flash of white in auburn. The loss ate into him as the years passed by, he never did find her but it never stopped him from searching.
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Epilogue
********
He found her, what was left of her. When his own hair had gone grey at the temples, a group of people sitting around a small shack. All with her colouring, everyone of them a relative, the eldest a woman he'd mistaken for her at first before memory had reminded him that she'd have been nearly 80.
They'd taken him around the back of the shack, shown him the grave, a blonde haired toddler sat next to it playing with the flowers that grew on the small mound. She'd told all of them that he might turn up and to give him the box she'd been guarding since she'd taken over the running of the family.
Inside, memories, photographs and a cd disc, the writing familiar he asked if he could play it and they let him. Her voice reached out across the years telling him what she'd found out about him, his history, his life, she'd known everything. But he'd seemed so happy there, so needed she'd taken everything away with her, he could have a new life without the old one haunting him.
Tears ran as he listened, when she'd gone she'd protected him from the truth of his past, given him a future and he'd run.
He packed up and turned himself back to New York, he still had a few good years left. He'd make them count for her, after all she'd followed his orders hadn't she? He'd told her to go and grow up and she had, but she'd never forgotten him.
Seeing her reflected in so many faces he saw her compassion in every eye and movement they took. "Keep in touch Logan, she loved you first before our father. She never stopped loving you, maybe that's why he left her." Then they left him to the long road home and the memories of auburn and white.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Another 'song-fic' drabble from yours truely. Hope you enjoy it. Based from Wolfsheim's song.