Would you like to know what the hardest part about once being worshipped as a goddess is?
Being treated like one. And having to act like one. Constantly.
Don't get me wrong, worship, adoration, awe and that little bit of fear definitely have their place. Super ego booster. It's just that being a goddess can be a real bitch, you know?
Bet you were surprised just then. Didn't think goddess swore or said naughty words, huh?
Well, you can just fu-never mind. No need for shock value here. Besides, the real reason I rarely swear is that it's so...common. There's a reason those words are called vulgarities.
But enough moralizing. I'm starting to sound like an angry goddess for real. Back to the topic at hand--being treated as a goddess and having to act like one.
I'll tell you why I'm so concerned about this. After reading Scott's journal, two things happened. One, I was much more keyed into Rogue and Logan's frankly bizarre relationship and two, suddenly, I had to go into super-wise-serene-all-knowing goddess mode.
By the moon, sometimes I hate being a glorified rainmaker.
Before The Reading (as I like to call it), I was aware that something was going on between Rogue and Logan. How could you not? After The Reading though...well, as I said, I was just as keyed in as Scott, minus the numerous, and more than a little frightening, pop culture references. I saw Logan walking about (yes, without his shirt on, and no, I was not tempted-oh, all right, I was. Of course, I was. The man is sex poured into wonderfully too tight jeans. You don't think I didn't wonder what those sideburns would feel like--um, never mind. What are you looking at? What, former goddesses don't get to think about sex? GODS. Just back off.) As I was saying, I really looked at Logan and Rogue, and, ooooooh my.
Remember that remark about burning holes through walls that Scott made into a horrid joke?
It's true.
Gods, those two elevate looking at each other to an art form. And suddenly, Scott's swooning doesn't seem quite so strange. I feel a little giggly myself when I see them now.
Seriously. I feel like a 13 year old with her first real crush. I see Logan and Rogue look/flirt/talk/be-in-the-same-room, and I get excited. I hate to say it, but...
I swoon.
There, I've said it. Happy? And once more, I've gotten horribly off topic. If people only knew how distracted their goddess could get...
So, I'm more aware of the two and their, how did Scott put it? Oh yes, their "dances", and now I'm Ororo, the relationship counselor.
Just the other day, Rogue came to me, and in the guise of a "hypothetical situation", asked what I thought guys wanted.
There are many, many, many, many things wrong with this.
One, "hypothetical situation"? Does anyone really believe this anymore? Did anyone ever believe this? When this phrase, or a variation thereof is spoken, it means "I have this problem, but I'm going to try to couch it in this weak cover story". Everyone knows this. No one is fooling anybody. Please, please, please, don't ever say this and expect to be believed.
Two, "what guys want". That's not really a hypothetical situation and far too open ended. I need specifics.
Subset to two, "what guys want"? It's a good thing you're asking me things I can answer easily, Rogue. Goddess. Well, normally it's easy. Sex. That's what they want. But with your "hypothetical situation"? Who knows what your growling, hairy, adamantium laced "hypothetical situation" wants? Sex, certainly. But beyond that? Ask him yourself, 'sugah'.
Three, why me? Why is she asking me? I control the weather. I make it rain, I make it foggy, I make it snow. I'm not prancing around here with a damn bow and arrow, making people fall in love. Nor have I ever professed to be an expert in such things. I'm not in a serious relationship now. I haven't been a serious relationship for so long, I've almost forgotten what it's like. Would you like to know what I have?
I've got a man with glowing red eyes and a predilection for wearing fuchsia body armor looking at me. And he's giving the 'Logan stare' a run for the money. What's worse, I like it. I am a full grown woman with a healthy sense of self, and I like the attention of a known womanizer and bed-hopper. But when he flirts with me...
Dare I say it?
I swoon.
I've turned into Scott. I'm so ashamed.
Clearly then, I'm the best person to ask for love advice.
Say it with me-I hate being a goddess.
What did I say to her, you ask? What could I say? I mumbled something appropriately cryptic-I believe the phrases "look inside yourself" and "you know the answer already", along with 'serene stare #'s 4, 8, and 10' and a strange story/reference to weather that even I didn't get, were all involved-and I got the hell out of Dodge.
What, I'm not supposed to be familiar with American history and colloquialisms?
I don't know what she did with the advice, but the situation hasn't changed much. She and Logan still tease/flirt/have-sex-mentally. Scott still swoons. I somehow encourage Cajun men to pursue me.
By the elements, if people really knew what I was really like...They would probably burst a vein somewhere.
I've gotta go tease Scott.
"So, Ororo is a romantic, dirty minded goddess," Jean mumbled, closing the journal, "with quite the potty mouth," she finished with a slight frown. "Also, she has a crush on Remy. Interesting."
"Of course, the real question is," she continued, standing up and looking around Ororo's room, "what can I do with this knowledge?"
"Uh, Ms. Grey? Do you need any help?"
Jean spun around to see Kitty regarding her uncertainly from the doorway. Jean's eyes narrowed slightly, but gave a small smile. "No, why do you ask?"
Kitty gave a slight shrug. "Miss Munroe asked me to come up here when she saw you leave the cafeteria. Muttered something about telepathic wives helping out revenge-obsessed romantic swooning husbands. I didn't get it, but I didn't ask any questions."
Jean's eyes widened. "Uh...well...no, I don't need any help. I was just...uh...looking for something. Thank you for your offer, though," she stammered.
Kitty stared at her. "Riiiight. I guess I'll be going then." She turned and walked away.
Jean's eyes narrowed again as she bent to return the journal to its place. "So, she knew. Well, you win some, you lose some," she said with a sigh. She rose and turned to leave when a thought occurred to her.
Jean smiled and snickered as she left the room.
"We've got a swooning goddess."
The Wolverine & Rogue Fanfiction Archive
Barely Legal Since 2000
Author's Chapter Notes:
I guess this is a sequel to "Dance, Fearless Leader, Dance!". I'm not counting "To Be a Man" since I wasn't that happy about it. So yeah, this is the official sequel. And as in DFLD, characterization gets a little wacky. Alright, it takes a backseat to reality. Do I think 'Ro is really like this? Not a chance. Is it funny to have her be this way? Well, I think so, and hopefully, so will you. But, if you're a fan of canon Ororo, I humbly apologize and beg your forgiveness. Also, big thanks to my beta readers. You guys are way cool.