The furious expression on the man who’d come in not ten minutes before told Holly more than anything that tonight was going to be long and hard. His usual unreadable face told of fury, pain, and disgust even as he sat glaring out the window at the motorcycle parked outside.
When he’d come stomping in at sundown, she’d wondered where the girl was but had held her tongue and served him his usual coffee. He’d declined looking at the menu, or even the offer of food, instead he’d poured sugar into his black coffee and turned to glare out the window.
“Wonder what’s eatin’ him,” Bart muttered waving his spatula at their lone occupant.
“Don’t know but whatever it is, I don’t think it’s good,” Holly replied and wondered if she should approach him again. With a shrug at her own foolishness she headed for the loner sitting at the table.
“Rough night?” she asked pouring another cup of coffee for him.
“No,” the harsh grunt did little ease her troubles, nor did it relieve any of the tension running through his body.
“I’m willin’ to listen if you’re willin’ to talk.”
“No,” Logan snarled wishing she’d just leave him alone.
With a quick nod Holly turned and headed back to the counter even as a pair of headlights flashed through the glass. With a hidden smile she moved to grab another cup and carry it to the table.
After pouring it she sat it next to the man and nodded quickly. She blinked when he slid the cup to the other side of the table and seemed to withdraw even more into himself. Obviously there had been something happen and she wondered what it could be even as the girl stepped into the place and walked toward the back table.
“Hey sugah,” Rogue settled in next to Logan and reached for her coffee cup. “Scared Scott the way you took off like that.”
“Stupid Pansy-ass,” Logan muttered under his breath.
Rogue hid a sad smile and took a drink of her coffee, whatever had happened on this mission it had left a deep mark in Logan’s heart. “You wanna talk?”
“No. Go home.”
Shaking her head Rogue sighed, “No, not like this. I’m not going without you.”
“Yes you will,” Logan seemed certain of that as he glanced at her before returning to his silent vigil of the parking lot. She’d run from him if she knew what he’d found out.
“Tell me,” Rogue whispered reaching over to take his hand in hers. Pulling it into her lap she stared at the shocked look in his eyes a moment before the walls came down, and she wondered if he would let her in.
“I can’t.”
“It won’t change anything Logan,” Rogue promised, “I’m gonna love you forever. Through the bad and the good.”
“Not this time you won’t,” Logan replied coldly even as he struggled to get his hand back.
“What is it Logan, tell me. Trust me enough to let me in,” Rogue pleaded.
Logan shook his head and turned back to his silent watch. She didn’t need to know the full extent of the monster he’d been, the monster he still was. He knew he needed to get up and get away from her but he couldn’t force himself to move.
“You found something out about your past didn’t you? Found out what? That you killed people? That they had you a long time? What?”
“I don’t want to talk about it kid, go home.”
“Like hell I will,” Rogue snapped leaning closer to him. “Does it change your opinion of me because I stole things? Do you think less of me because I nearly killed that sonofabitch who was trying to rape me? Does that make me less than worthy of your friendship, of your trust.”
“NO!” Logan shot back with a loud growl, “It has nothing to do with who you are. You’re good, clean, and pure. All the things I’ll never be.”
“Bullshit Logan,” Rogue snapped jerking on his hand hard enough to shake him slightly. “You want to know what I see when I look at you? I see a man trying to be more than that, trying to rebuild a life that was stolen and killed as easily as one would swat a fly. I see a man who risked his life for me not once, not twice but three bloody times. Do you know how much it means to me that you’re here, that I can touch you? No you don’t because you found something that’s shaken you to the core. Well guess what, I’m part of you now.”
“It’s bad.”
“Bad is only as bad as you let it be. Don’t let them control you any longer. Don’t give them more of your soul,” she pleaded softly.
Reaching into his pocket Logan pulled out a file and set it on the table in front of her, “You decide,” he muttered turning to the window and staring out.
Opening it she took a calming breath and focused on the pages. She could feel her stomach twisting as they labeled the horrors that they’d done to him, what they’d forced him to endure. The details of what they’d made him do were horrific but underneath it all Rogue knew that it wasn’t the man so much as the drugs that they pumped through him.
“I’m sorry Logan,” she whispered softly stroking his arm gently. “I really am but you don’t have to live like that. You aren’t a bad person, they made you do that. Do you think that raping and murdering is normal?” she whispered softly, soothingly. “They did that to you,” she continued, “They used threats and physical violence to control you. It wasn’t your fault that they allowed those men to do that to you.”
“It made me into a monster,” he whispered.
“No it didn’t,” she shook her head, her gloved hand going up to the side of his face where she cupped his jaw. “Yes it unleashed the Wolverine, unleashed the animal side within you but not once in all the time since then have you done what they expected you to. You haven’t raped children, haven’t killed anyone who didn’t deserve it. Yes you fight when the mood strikes you, yes you’ve been a belligerent bastard but it was a defense mechanism.”
“Always so forgiving,” Logan muttered under his breath.
“I’m only as forgiving as you are toward me. I know you Logan, I know what’s in your mind as well as what’s in your body. I live those memories, those events in your life every night. Don’t let them win.”
Logan sighed and glanced at her out of the corner of his eye, he didn’t understand what it was about her that made him stay sitting here. If it had been anyone else he’d have gutted them and ran but for some reason he couldn’t run from Rogue, couldn’t run from the endless faith and devotion within her heart.
“I wanted to die Marie; I wanted them to kill me. Don’t you understand, I don’t want to remember what they did? I don’t want to remember what it feels like to be sexually raped, to be violated like that. I pray you never understand what that’s like..”
“But I already do,” Rogue whispered softly staring into his eyes. “I know what it feels like to have control of your mind and body taken away. I know what it feels like to have someone force themselves within you and take pleasure in that act. The only person I’ve ever met that hasn’t been like that with me is you,” she swallowed. “I would gladly take that memory away from you if I could Logan but I can’t, all I can do is offer you my love, my understanding, my compassion. No, I don’t pity you Logan. I don’t feel that weak emotion because there is no pity for us. We’re survivors and we’re stronger than those bastards who would twist and abuse us to serve their disgusting, vile habits. Pity is for those who are weak, who don’t understand what it means to have to fight. Oh no Logan, I don’t feel any pity for you.”
“I’m sorry kid,” Logan cupped her glove covered hand over his jaw, “I didn’t think on the Statue..”
“I wasn’t talkin’ about you,” Rogue admitted softly, tearfully, “I was talkin’ about Magneto. I begged him not to touch me, begged him to let me go and he didn’t. Instead he just went ahead and did what he thought was best, what he wanted.”
Nodding Logan pulled her closer to him and held her tightly even as the waitress appeared to pour more coffee before moving away as silently as a shadow. “Help me,” he whispered softly, sadly. “Help me to get past this, to find a way around this demon.”
Rogue nodded quickly and smiled softly into his leather jacket, “I’ll help you if you help me. Let me in completely Logan, let me give you that much of me.”
“You’re already there,” Logan whispered tightly as he let her cry silently into his chest, she had no idea how far in he’d let her but she would. If it took the rest of his life he would make sure she understood he loved her, that he trusted her. This was simply one more hurdle to get over.
The Wolverine & Rogue Fanfiction Archive
Barely Legal Since 2000