Chapter 16
”The language of friendship is not words but meanings.” - Henry David Thoreau
Black is such a sombre colour. It never manages to convey anything positive. It’s dreary and dull against the vibrant colourful gardens of Xavier’s grounds. Logan stood out on the stone patio at the side of the mansion, his higher vantage point giving him a view down over the hedges and rolling flowerbeds, down to the gathering sat before Rogue’s headstone and coffin. Despite his closeness with Rogue, Logan did not venture down to join those attending the funeral. Nobody had questioned his intention for not wanting to be present whilst the rest of the school was there, but Logan understood why they went ahead with it anyway. Rogue’s death had been a huge, unexpected shock for those as the mansion who had had no idea of her illness. She was the loss of a student, a friend, one of the mutant family.
Watching from afar, Logan could still hear the sermon without being close enough to gain unwanted attention. He saw Storm catch his eye at one point, and she sent a reassuring smile towards him through her gentle tears. He nodded towards her in response, grateful for her concern. Logan was relieved he wasn’t sat with the crowd when the coffin was lowered down into the soil, because he felt tears trickling from his eyelids, and he would hate for the others to see him in such a state, despite him having every right to display his grief for his Marie. Logan exhaled a gruff sigh, a hand lifting to rub heavily at his stinging eyes, trying to quell his tears and remove all evidence of them. The next time he looked up, the mass of black were rising as one, and beginning to make their way back into the mansion. The chairs were being gathered up by no apparent individual, clearly some telekinetic student aiding the staff, as the chairs were carried off to be put away in a neat stack.
As the funeral gatherers left, Logan began to make his way down past the crowd, keeping his head bowed. That was until he felt a harsh shove against his shoulder, surprisingly heavy enough to hurt. His head shot upward to see who had vindictively cuffed his shoulder, and turned to see Bobby Drake stood a few feet behind him, the crowd still passing either side. Logan was no fool; he could see the younger mutant had been hit badly by Rogue’s death. “Why didn’t you tell me?” he demanded, though his voice remained quiet and unsteady.
But Logan could respond, another voice spoke up. “Bobby.” Logan glanced over his shoulder to see Storm stood not too far back, giving Bobby a sympathetic, but warning look. Now was not to time to lay blame. But it seemed not even the weather witch could quell the boy’s anger.
“You knew!” he said fiercely, now pointing a finger at Logan. “You should have told me!”
“It was Rogue’s decision!” replied Logan loudly, her name bringing the attention of the passing crowd who all nervously glanced towards the dispute. “Rogue wanted to go peacefully, out of the spotlight. I would never have betrayed her trust by spreading it around!”
Bobby was glaring at him, “But what about me?” he asked angrily, now forcing himself forward past the other students. Luckily, Colossus was stood nearby and quickly took hold of his friend before he did something he would regret.
“Come, Robert,” he said placidly, carefully bringing Bobby away from Logan and indoors with the others. Bobby allowed himself to be drawn away from Logan, turning and sullenly walking towards the mansion, Colossus resting a reassuring arm around his shoulders. Logan watched his retreat with slightly narrowed eyes, gaze then flickering towards the last of the students, who had now all passed and made their way indoors.
“We will go inside now, Logan,” came a gentle voice, and Logan turned round to see Charles sat watching him, flanked by his X-Men. Each of them was adorned in black attire, a solemn look upon their faces. “You know where we are if you require us.” Logan managed a small nod in response, standing aside to let the Professor move forward along the path, Scott reaching the door and holding it open to grant the wheelchair access. As soon as the doors closed, Logan made his way down the stone path, his eyes fixated on the headstone that slowly came closer to him the further he walked.
He could make out her name carved into the smooth grey marble, and already he had a rising desire to turn and leave. Despite having seen her dead body, this seemed to be another heart-shattering piece of evidence to prove that she was gone and never coming back. He trod on forth across the lush, green lawns, his eyes unable to leave the lonely headstone, stood under the shade of a gentle willow tree. He carefully crouched down in front of it, lifting his hands to slowly trace the carved words that stood out to him so painfully.
“Hey, kid..” he said softly, words automatic. Logan quickly frowned, bowing his head. “I don’t know what I’m gonna do without you. You’ve been by my side for six months, but I ain’t always been by yours. I’m sorry for that, Marie. I really am.” His fingers moved across the inscription of her name. “I know how hard all this has been, I just hope I did enough to make you happy. And trust me, there ain’t ever gonna be another woman who will be able to call me ‘sugar’, that was yours, kid.” He exhaled a heavy sigh, lifting a hand to rub firmly at his tearing eyes. “I’ve made so many promises to you. Some I’ve broken. But I won’t break this one.” His hand fell to his pocket to pull out the neatly folded letter he had found on her desk. “I’ll get this letter to your family, and make sure that they understand and love you once more as much as I do now.”
He shook his head weakly to himself as he stared at her headstone, pocketing the letter before he brought both hands to his face to dig his palms fiercely into his tearful eyes. He exhaled a long, drawn out sigh, lifting his head to gaze unseeingly up at the heavens. “What am I gonna do without you?” he murmured aloud, closing his eyes again to try and cease his tears.
It made no difference that he had been forewarned of Rogue’s fate. It did nothing to make him feel less distraught now. The only thing he could hold in content was the fact she had been happy before she died, happy with him. To know he had given her what she would have waited a lifetime for was warming. She had always wanted him, and now she had him, even in death, and Logan would never forget that. Breathing in deeply to calm his emotions, he leant forward to place a gentle kiss against the top of the headstone, then standing to his feet. His head turned to scan the deserted grounds, not a leaf trembling in the still air. It felt peaceful. It felt right. He gently allowed his hand to slip from the headstone as he turned on his heel, sniffing and ensuring his eyes were dry as he made his way swiftly towards the mansion, entering through the side door.
He went straight to his bedroom, making no detours or allowing anything to distract him. Opening his door, he continued his swift pace, carrying the gait of a man who was in a hurry, and would wait for no one. Throwing open his wardrobe, he dragged his kitbag out of the top of the compartment, throwing it down on the bed and beginning to pile clothing and other necessary items into it. Out on the corridor, footsteps sounded and stopped. Logan glanced round during his packing to see Storm looking at him through the gap in the opened door.
“Logan?” she asked softly, moving towards the threshold but not entering. “Where are you going?”
Logan quickly resumed his packing even as she spoke, shoving more items into his kitbag, hurried pace not slowing. “Mississippi,” he grunted, continuing to tread the path back and forth from his dresser to the bag.
At this response, Storm frowned a little, her eyes following his motions as he moved across the room. “You’re leaving for good?”
Logan hesitated at the doorway of the wardrobe, his hand gripping the wooden door as he stood staring into it. “I don’t know,” he said softly, bowing his head a little. “Maybe. I have nothing left here.”
“Logan, you’ll always have friends here. We’re fam – “
“Rogue was my family,” he interrupted, his stillness destroyed as he quickly picked up a belt and threw it down into the kitbag.
Storm’s eyes continued to fixate upon his every movement, back and forth across the room as he followed the same path between the kitbag on the bed and the opened dresser. “Don’t think that there’s no one here that cares about you, Logan,” she said, now venturing a little further into his bedroom. “We’re all grieving, but we can get through it together.”
There was a weak laugh from Logan that held zero humour in its bitterness. “You just don’t get it do you?” he said softly, looking towards her once more. “Without Rogue, I have nothin’. Nothin’ at all.”
“I think in time you will come to realise that is not entirely true,” said Storm quietly as she watched him. “There will always be a room here at the mansion for you, should you ever return to us. I only hope you won’t hesitate should you need us.”
Logan shrugged at this; throwing his wallet into his bag and proceeding it zip it up. “I’m goin’ to Mississippi,” he grunted in a finalising tone as he threw his leather jacket on over his shoulders, shoving his arms through. “And I have no clue if I’ll return.” He picked up his bag off of the bed, throwing it over one shoulder and striding towards the door. “Now, if you’ll excuse me,” he made his way past her, stepping out onto the corridor and making his way along.
“Logan..” Storm called as she came out of the doorway, frowning gently as she watched the man who had become her ally and team-mate turn the corner to disappear from view.
Naturally, Logan had heard her words during his retreat, but did not pay heed to them. He kept up his pace, making a beeline for the garage. Occasional gatherings of students, still in their funeral attire stopped and stared as Logan passed, with the dress and gait of a man who was leaving without hesitation. Nobody spoke, for they already knew nothing would stop him.
Hurriedly travelling down the staircase, Logan was only a few feet from the entrance to the garage when his name was called again. Logan continued without stopping, his hand taking the doorknob.
“Logan! Hey, wait!” the voice persisted, followed by running footsteps. Soon enough, Logan saw a fair-skinned hand on the door, keeping it closed. Logan narrowed his eyes slowly at this disruption, turning his reddened eyes on the mutant who had stopped his exit. Scott Summers was watching him through his red lenses, face free of any conceited expression. He appeared genuinely concerned and absent of any vindictiveness over their previous disputes.
“What the hell do you want?” Logan growled out.
Scott didn’t rise to the challenging growl, but instead lifted his other hand. “You’re gonna need transport,” he pointed out, then throwing a set of keys towards him. Logan’s superior reflexes caught the keys without a single fumble. He turned his fist towards his face, uncurling thick fingers to see the keys to Scott’s prized Mazda, the same car he had constantly borrowed to take Rogue out. Logan frowned a little, then suspiciously looking back up towards Scott, as though expecting a catch. The X-Men leader gave him a small smile. “Just don’t scratch her up, alright?” and his hand left the door to allow Logan to ease it open.
“Thanks,” Logan uttered softly, his fingers closing about the cool keys once more.
Scott nodded his head slowly, “No problem.”
There was a silent nod from Logan, who turned, striding on through the door to enter the garage, soon enough locating the parked vehicle he held the keys for. Making his way over, he unlocked the boot, tossing his kitbag inside. Dropping the boot shut, he proceeded around the car to meet the driver’s door, opening it and easing himself inside. He sighed as he glanced around the interior, keys jangling quietly in his hand. “Mississippi, it is,” he said softly to himself. Keys met the ignition, the soft purrs of the engine coming to life under the coaxing turn of the key. The garage doors obligingly parted to the exiting vehicle; a snarling rev, a screech of the tyres upon gravel and he was gone from the mansion.
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