Chapter 10
“No blame should attach to telling the truth. But it does, it does.” – Anita Brookner
Logan didn’t know what he felt as he stood in the metallic lift, descending to the underground levels of the mansion. His arms were folded, blazing eyes fixated on the floor. His head was in a complete whirlwind of different thoughts and emotions, none of which lingered long enough to safely comprehend. He was feeling horribly angry and distressed, and combined with his reckless, unrestrained behaviour, the conclusions could only be negative.
The lift doors finally parted, revealing the silver coloured corridor that stretched out through the secret level of the school. Logan strode out of the lift, walking with a determined pace and a stiff swing in his arms. The laboratory was up ahead - Beast’s usual haunt. With purposely placed strides, Logan swiftly came upon the entrance, which obligingly parted at his presence with an electronic whirr. He knew Beast was here prior to spotting the blue-furred doctor, the scent acknowledged long before Logan came up behind him. The arrival was so swift, that Beast had barely glanced up from his laptop when Logan descended upon him in silence.
Taken by surprise, Beast was hauled from his seat by Logan’s hands gripping the back of his lab coat, and furiously wrenched round. There was a startled expression on Beast’s face as he was spun to face the angry mutant. “This is your fault,” Logan growled into his face, pulling the man closer to him as his fist clenched at the neck of Beast’s attire.
Beast quickly summarised Logan’s issues, remaining calm under the rough handling and observing Logan carefully over the top of his reading spectacles. “Logan..” he began quietly, but Logan cut through his words with a rough shake.
“You got her into this mess, you get her out. Find a cure, damnit.”
Beast attempted to prise Logan’s clamp-like grip from the neck of his lab coat. “If only I could, Logan. But it’s not as simple as that.”
“I refuse to let her die like this!” growled Logan. “She’s far too young to die, it’s not fair.”
“I never said it was, Logan. Please, don’t blame me for this predicament. I had to give her the most terrible news.,” said Beast softly, who was still yet to be free of Logan’s tight grip. Beast could have easily wrestled the man free, but this was not a fight.
Logan shook his head to himself, releasing Beast, albeit roughly and glanced aside to send his angry glare elsewhere. “There has to be somethin’..”
Straightening his tie, Beast watched Logan. “There’s nothing, Logan. I have tried my hardest. Hundreds of people die from incurable illnesses every day.”
Logan spun round in a fury. “And that makes everything better, does it?” he snapped in Beast’s face. “Rogue’s part of a statistic!” Beast sighed quietly at Logan’s response, aware it was unlikely he could do anything to calm the volatile mutant’s temper. Heavy breaths emitted from Logan as he glared into Beast’s face, eventually saying in a strained voice. “Do you know what she’s wantin’?” he asked, then informing Beast without giving him chance to respond. “She’s wantin’ to die sooner rather than later.”
“That view is not unheard of,” replied Beast in a careful tone.
But Logan growled his displeasure, “I won’t let her do that.” He glared into Beast’s face for a short while longer before he stepped back. A snort was heard before he turned on his heel, and began walking away.
“Logan, you’re not her father,” Beast called warningly, not moving from his position.
Logan hesitated at the parting doorway, glancing over his shoulder. “No, but I’m all she’s got.” He sighed quietly, shaking his head to himself and striding on out.
There was so much anger, so much desperation. Somehow he had had some small glimmer of hope in that Beast could do something, something last minute and miraculous. But it seemed this tale didn’t have a happy ending. Not for Rogue, not for him. He left Beast’s laboratory with his emotions further wearied, and not lifted like he had hoped. Now he had the gruelling challenge of returning to Rogue, to see her face once more and see the fear in her eyes that danced in the fading light.
Before he knew it, he was back before her bedroom door, and stood there, his ears stinging in the silence as he recalled their previous conversation. But no matter what was said he couldn’t avoid her, not these days. Carefully, his hand clasped the doorknob and he slowly pushed the door open. He found her still in bed, but asleep. Closing the door, he quietly crept across the room, sitting besides her quietly. There was a sigh as his eyes scanned her calm face, which was free of the anguish and torment whilst she lay lost to her slumbering unconsciousness. Whilst he’d never known an entirely angst-free Rogue, he knew that she was peaceful right now. Both the lack of a frown creasing her brow, and the downturn of her gentle lips, relaxed her face from it’s concerned lines, leaving the youthful features as they should be.
Youthful features he suddenly had a desire to touch, and he carefully extended his hand to catch the slipping strands of ivory as one of her streaks threatened to fall across her face. He tucked it back behind her ear, but didn’t yet pull away and allowed his rough fingers to drift across her cheek. If only everything else was as gentle and as calm as her expression. He felt her stir beneath his fingers, and her eyelids fluttered open to reveal her concerned eyes latched upon his.
She spoke softly, tone uncertain. “You’re back..”
“I just needed to clear my head. I’m sorry for walking out on you.”
“Are you angry with me?” she asked, her brow furrowing and once more her expression darkened with her usual despair.
“No,” Logan insisted quickly, cupping her cheek with his palm as he wished her lips could smile again. “I’m just worried about you.”
There was a bitter snort, “Yeah, well, you do have reason to.”
She was quietened by the gentle shushing from Logan, who followed the white streak behind her ear again before returning his hand to her face. “Don’t give up, Marie. You’ve not lost everything.. I’m gonna be here right to the end, you know that.”
“I do,” she said quietly, sighing as she closed her eyes. “I just keep thinkin’, it would be so much easier if everythin’ just ended now.”
“None of us here can do that, Marie.”
Rogue tilted her head slowly, her eyes slowly opening. “Well, maybe the Professor..”
“He wouldn’t do it, kid. He couldn’t. None of us could.”
There was a slow sigh as Rogue glanced aside. “You’re right,” she said quietly. “I’m sorry..”
“Don’t apologise,” replied Logan, a small reassuring smile on his face.
“It just gets me down, y’know? I’m dyin’ at eighteen.. there’s so much more I should have been able to do with my life.”
“We can still do some of those things,” Logan said with a nod. “Get some food in you’ve never tried, watch a film you’ve never seen.”
“Really?” asked Rogue, raising an eyebrow as she watched him, intrigued. “But.. the mansion’s always gonna have some kids in the recreation room.”
There was a knowing smile on Logan’s face as he responded. “Not if we go when it’ll be deserted.” He leant down to kiss her forehead, “Get some sleep, we can go down tonight when the kids have gone to bed.”
“Oh, yeah, like we can go down there after lights-out.”
“Marie, you think I’m bound by some pissy rule One-Eye made up?”
There was a small giggle from Rogue, and a fleeting smile that warmed Logan’s heart. “Maybe?”
Logan grabbed at her hips playfully in threat of tickling. “Definitely not. Rest, and I’ll come get you later, alright?”
Certainly more elated, Rogue nodded her head. The anticipation that lighted her face improved both of their moods and Logan only hoped that he could keep her in that frame of mind right until the very end.
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