He couldn’t believe she had been so stupid. She hooked up with some creep who drugged her up and then knocked her up, or whatever way round it was. He wondered if the baby would be all right with whatever-the-hell she had taken. He wondered if she wanted it, or if the baby was the reason she had gone and got trashed.
He couldn’t believe he had let it happen. He hadn’t been around much lately, and even when he was, he was a little distant. His past niggling at him and occupying his mind, making him search for this and that. Took time away from the mansion, spent hours researching. All for nothing.
Seeing her passed out on her shower floor had brought it all together. Who cared where he was from? She cared that he was here. Who cared who he was? She cared who he was now. He would be here for her now. He felt it was probably too little too late, but he would do anything not to see her like that again.
He walked back into the apartment and took off his jacket, chucking it on the back of the sofa. “I’ll stay here tonight. Hank, why don’t you get whatever tests and stuff you need and come back in the morning? If she wakes up, I’ll try and find out what happened and talk to her about the baby.” He turned to Scott and Jubes. “Why don’t you two try and find this Ethan bastard?”
Hank nodded and began to gather his medical things. Scott got up, clearing the mugs he had made their coffee in. “What if she doesn’t know she’s pregnant? You going to be alright telling her?”
“Yeah. I’ll be fine.” He would have to be. They left, and Logan tidied up the glass in the kitchen, along with the blood on the floor and carpet.
Xavier called, telling him that Hank had the results of Rogue’s blood test. She had indeed been injected with Heroin, about 5mls every 4-6 hours as far as he could tell, as well as at least two ‘E’s and an infinite amount of weed and alcohol. He also said he thought it was best that Logan kept her there, where she could be peaceful and feel at ease in her own surroundings. He said that he had explained to the other members of the staff and the student body that she had experienced a family crisis and had gotten ill as a result.
After hanging up from Xavier, Logan went to check on her. She still had no clothes on but was happily snuggled in her duvet and blankets. He sat on the edge of the bed and stroked her damp hair. She stirred and looked at him, immediately breaking down into sobs when she realised it was him.
He cradled her and let her soak his shirt with her tears. “Shh, it’s ok, darlin’. Let it all out. I’m here.”
She pulled away from him. “I’m gonna be sick.” He helped her to the bathroom and held her hair back while she puked. The he cleaned her gently with her washcloth. Carrying her back to bed, he snuggled her in and lay down with her. She pressed into him as she cried again.
After a while, she started to sweat and shake. Hank had told him there was nothing he could do, so he decided to just hold her. Hours must have passed while she lay there shaking in his arms. She had tried to push him away, swearing at him, yelling for him to just leave her alone, telling him she needed more to make it stop, why wouldn’t he help her, why wouldn’t he make it stop. He still held her, and she quieted down and then slept, shaking almost constantly in her sleep.
In the morning, she managed to stomach two sips of tea before she was sick again. Sometime during the night he had put an oversized t-shirt on her, to cover her dignity if nothing else. Her eyes still looked hollow, and she was deathly pale.
Hank arrived and checked her over again. He told Logan the shakes would get worse before they got better. So would the irrational behaviour and shouting, and she might get violent.
Another few days passed before she was coherent enough for Logan to talk her. She was riddled with sickness and awful stomach cramps. He was there to help her through all of it.
“Do you want to tell me how this started?” He was on the bed with her in his lap.
She shook in his arms, making her voice shake as well. “I just wanted everything to stop. I wanted to just be, and Ethan gave me an escape. I didn’t realise how far I’d gone until it was too late. I didn’t want to have to accept the fact that our lives aren’t perfect. The world just seems hell-bent on tearing itself to pieces, and I didn’t want to witness it. I’ve been watching my life go by through a window. It’s been screaming at me, and I’ve ignored it, because I was scared.” She began to sob into his chest again. “I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have to apologise, darlin’. Everyone feels that way sometimes. Being alive is easy. Actually living is the hard part.” He stroked her hair lightly. “Do you know where he lives? Where we could find him?” ‘So I can kill him,’ was what he really wanted to say.
She shook her head. “I have no idea. I don’t know his last name, anything about him. Only the clubs we went to. The Underground and the one on East Street called Poison. I’ve been so stupid.”
“Anything else you want to tell me?” He was hoping she would tell him she was pregnant; he really hoped she knew.
“We were in this room with a friend of his. The guy was shooting up, and then Ethan did it. I was kinda gone anyway. I felt him inject me, but I couldn’t do anything. It all faded away, and I was just numb. Then I think I was sick, and he gave me more. I tried to stop him, but he pinned me to the bed and did it anyway. I did want to say no, but I don’t why I didn’t. Then I woke up, and I…I think I had sex with his friend. The guy who gave Ethan the heroin. I have no memory other than waking up naked next to him. I don’t know what I did or what *he* did. I don’t even know his name. How sick is that? I was so out of it, I let someone I’ve never even seen before just have me!” She cried into him again.
“Marie, there’s something else.” She pulled away from him slightly, fear spiking her scent.
“What?”
“Darlin’, you’re pregnant.” She pulled away even more.
“What? I can’t be. You can tell after just a few days?” She was genuinely confused.
“No. It’s longer than that. It must have been while you were dating *Ethan*.” Logan hated even having to say the creep’s name.
She had fear and panic in her voice. “Logan, I never slept with him. I haven’t had sex with anyone since Bobby. That guy from the other night, that I can’t remember, is the only one!”
“Marie, you must have done. When Hank examined you on Sunday, he suspected. But the last couple of days, I’ve been able to smell it on you. It’s about 7 weeks.” The fear rose in her.
She sobbed as she spoke, unable to hold onto her emotions and disgust at herself. “I didn’t! Not once, he must have--with me when I was…. Oh GOD! Logan, just make it stop, make it go away please….please!…..please!” Her voice was barely a whisper as she begged him. She clung to him briefly, then had to run and be sick. He helped her, then lay down with her again to hold her.
As she fell asleep, he nuzzled her hair and cried silent tears of his own. Sorrow weeping out of him that he let this beautiful, delicate creature descend into so much pain and suffering.
He was in love with her; he knew that now, without any doubt. It wasn’t like he had been denying his feelings or ignoring them, he just suddenly realised. He loved her. Nothing else mattered but making her better, getting her back to just being Marie. His Marie.
It went on for six weeks in all. Six weeks before four days of being pumped full of heroin every few hours was out of her system. She cried, shouted, tried desperately to push him away. Begged him to take the pain away, then held onto him for dear life.
She improved even more. She was sick most mornings because of the baby, but apart from that, she was just tired and drawn out. He cooked for her, made her tea as she built her strength back up. Logan eventually convinced her that she needed to be checked over again.
Hank came and tested her blood pressure and her urine for glucose. He felt her tummy and said that everything seemed fine. He had brought with him a portable ultrasound. “Lay flat on the bed, my dear.”
She did as he asked. She lifted her nightie to expose her toned abdomen. She felt a little awkward lying in front of Hank with her panties out but figured he didn’t care. “This gel will be a little cold. It helps me see the baby.”
“Ah!” She jumped and giggled. Logan smiled too. It was the first time she had laughed in the last six weeks or so.
Hank placed the handheld part of the machine on her stomach and moved it around using the gel. He looked at the screen and then smiled at her, pointing to a collection of black and white shapes that was her baby. “Allow me to introduce you to your baby, my dear.”
She looked at the screen and smiled weakly. She had been trying so hard not to think about this since Logan had told her. She didn’t want anything to do with Ethan ever again, but it wasn’t the baby’s fault. She knew she could never get rid of it. It wasn’t something she could even consider, but at the same time, she had no idea how she was going to cope with it. “Can you tell what it is?”
“No, it’s far too early. When you’re about 20 weeks, you should be able to tell with another ultrasound. You’re about 11 or 12 weeks. There will be some tests that need to be done about this time. If, of course, you decide to keep the child.”
Briefly glancing at Logan. “What I did isn’t the baby’s fault, and I kinda like the idea of keeping it. If I’m allowed a second chance, so is it.”
Both men smiled widely at her. “It wasn’t your fault either, darlin’. From what you’ve said, you didn’t sign up for full-out drug abuse. That bastard ever puts in an appearance, I’ll be having more than a few words with him.”
“Is the baby ok? I mean, because of the drugs?”
Hank took her hand and patted it gently. “That is something that you won’t find out until later on in your pregnancy. It is possible that there might be some complications with its health. You weren’t using for any great length of time, so we will see. We’ll get through this with you. You won’t be alone.” She smiled, and he nodded.
That night, Logan ran her a bath and made her some soup with chunky bread. She ate what she could. She washed her hair and felt the best she had in ages. She was still a little shaky, and she felt tired and sick most of the time, but some of that was because of the baby.
After they had eaten, they were snuggled up on her sofa watching a hockey game when her buzzer went. She looked at Logan. “Are you expecting anyone?”
He jumped up. “Yeah.” He pressed the buzzer, and a minute later, Scott and Jubes came in, hugged her, and spread out on the sofa. They brought with them bottles of coke, chips, and pizza.
She enjoyed the evening, remembering what it was like to be with her friends. She had hidden away from her emotions for too long, never letting people in. This was the start of sorting out what was important and what wasn’t. She knew that. She knew that everything she did over the next few months would dictate whether or not she could get through this.
The next day she was up first, showered and dressed before Logan woke up. He had been sleeping on the sofa for the last two nights as her shaking had stopped, and she could tell by the way he stretched every morning that it was getting to him.
She made some coffee and took it in to him. He sat up as she walked in. “Hey, sleepy head.”
“Morning, darlin’. You look good today.” She did: clean skin, bright eyes, and a smile. That was the best part.
“Thanks, you don’t look so bad yourself.” He didn’t. He was only wearing sweats, and as he sat up, the sheet that had been over him slipped down to reveal his gloriously muscled chest. He caught her eye, and she blushed and sat down in the armchair.
“I noticed last night that we’re getting low on a few things. How about we hit the supermarket? You feel like going out?”
“You know what? I do. I feel like this is the start, you know. Here comes the rest of my life, and screw the past.”
He looked into her eyes and found himself mesmerised. She had said everything he felt in one sentence. Crammed his entire mind, his emotions, the way he felt about her, his love, everything into a handful of words. “You took the words right out of my mouth,” he whispered. And she had. That’s exactly how he felt. Screw the past and screw his stupid memories. They would never be worth as much as her.
He got up and stretched, moaning as he stood. “Logan, you’ve been practically living here the last month and a half. Would you stay? ‘Cause I think I’d like that.”
“Marie, are you asking me to move in with you? Be with you?” She looked at the floor and tucked a stray bit of white hair behind her ear.
“Yeah.”
“Can I ask why, why now?” He stayed where he was, afraid if he moved she would change her mind. He wanted nothing more than to stay with her, hold her, be with her. Make sure that for the rest of her life she was safe, she was his.
“I…I don’t know how I feel about you, like that. I’m not admitting to that yet. I feel like you’ve been staring me in the face. You’re the one who’s always there for me, always there when I need you. When Hank, Jubes, Scott any of the others come over, I feel on edge. Waiting for one of them to bring it all up, to judge me…” He was about to say something, but she put her hand up to stop him.
“Please just…let me get this out.” He nodded. “I’m on edge when anyone else is around. I don’t feel like that with you. I never have, even before this. I can wear a grubby old t-shirt, walk around in my panties if I wanted to. I feel that comfortable around you. I feel like just me, Marie. Not some mutant girl, just me. You’re my constant, when everything else is just shit. You’re there making everything fine again. Call me a selfish bitch, but I kinda need that right now.”
She stood up, placing her mug on the coffee table as she went. Moving in front of him, she ran her hands over his chest. He put his hands on either side of her face and tilted it up so she met his eyes. “I want to be with you, Marie.”
“I want that, too. I just need to go slow, really slow. I need you to know that before we start anything. I don’t know what I’m ready for, how far I can go right now. I’m not good with feelings, caring about people. I get scared, and I back off. You’re the only one I’ve ever really let in. I don’t even know if I’m any good for you. I mean, I’m kinda damaged goods.”
“You’re perfect. You’ve proven how strong you are with this. This wasn’t your fault. You made some bad friend choices, and it came back to bite your ass, darlin’. But you’re not damaged, you’re beautiful.”
He slowly lowered his face to hers and gently pressed his lips against her, still holding her face. She ran her hands up his chest and wound them around his neck. It wasn’t a hard kiss, or a frenzied one, but it held so much open emotion. He was admitting to her how he felt, probably the only person he ever would, and she was laying herself open. Taking the risk.
They broke apart, and she blushed. “I’d like it if you’d sleep in the bed again. I kinda like having you in there. You’re comfy. You know, only if you’re going to stay.”
He smiled at her. “I’m gonna stay.” She untangled herself, and he noticed how truly uncomfortable she was with her feelings. He should have seen it, been there for her before this, made her face her demons head-on.
“There’s something else I need to know.”
He nodded. “Anything. I’ll tell you anything.” And he honestly and truly would.
“The baby. I’m keeping it. So…if you’re with me….you’re with it.”
He put his hand to her face and ran his thumb gently over her lips, tracing the path his lips had taken only moments ago. “I’m staying. Like you said before, it’s not the baby’s fault. If it’s anything like you, it’ll be amazing.”
She hugged him again, and he held onto her tightly, placing small delicate kisses on top of her head as she cried gently into his chest.
**************END OF PART THREE
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Summary:“Shh, it’s ok, darlin’. Let it all out. It’s over now.”