Rogue ground out the cigarette butt she was holding on the brick side of the school building. The bell had rung, but her mind was far from English lit. This was his period off, and she always cut to have some time with him alone. Shifting her weight impatiently from one leg to the other, she slowly expelled the last of the smoke left in her lungs. Her heavily made-up eyes followed the lone figure ambling across the football field. Repeating the words she rehearsed all morning to herself, Rogue inched her tight black skirt a little higher and started towards the guy she dreamt of every night.
"Hi there."
Scott Summers smiled at the girl he wasn't supposed to be seen with and nervously adjusted his bookbag on his shoulder. Rogue was good company and they routinely met after lunch. Walking around the campus, they shared jokes and traded 'least favorite teacher' stories.
"Hi Rogue."
Looking down at her black military boots, Rogue let the constant worry and rejection that normally filled her ease away. Like her, Scott shared the unique worry that came with the knowledge that he could kill and destroy at any time. Talking to him made her feel special, normal even.
"You missed the American History quiz last week Rogue."
"Miller? That bitch hates me, Ah'd rather fail."
Shaking his head slowly Scott responded in his most responsible voice, "That's not the point Rogue, we are graduating in three weeks and you need to pass that class no matter what."
Rolling her eyes in laughter, Rogue wondered how Scott could be so hot and such a boy scout all at once.
"Ah'll show for tha final, Ah just can't stand her attitude."
About to expand on his advice, Scott realized that Rogue was laughing at his expense. Uncharacteristically agreeing with a tight smile, he shrugged his shoulders and shoved his hands into his pockets instead. "She can be hard."
Not wanting to venture anywhere near the 'you have potential' rhetoric again, Rogue didn't respond to that. Kicking lazily at the grass in front of her as she walked, she reached for a cigarette she kept tucked behind her ear instead. Scott immediately perked up.
"Hey, not cool - you promised."
Holding it to her black covered lips, Rogue decided it best not to argue and begrudgingly shoved the cigarette back behind her ear.
Scott smirked in his small victory, "I swear Rogue if you only knew what was in those things."
"Not anotha conspiracy theory Scott, you watch X-Files too much."
Scott raised his eyebrows high over his shades in indignation, "Hey, it's true. They purposely add things to hook you."
Her giggling slowly dying out, Rogue focused on the grass in front of her again, while kids screamed and yelled on the soccer field. Despite his sweetness, Scott couldn't possibly understand the need to be – numb. Feeling her familiar anxiety returning, Rogue hugged her Physics book even tighter to her chest. Deciding to not to wait any longer, she took in a deep breath and interrupted Scott, who was already knee deep in his latest conspiracy theory.
"Scott."
Stopping and flipping his hair back, Scott cluelessly looked over at Rogue "Yeah?"
"Scott, tha prom is next weekend and Ah was wonderin' if you wanted ta come with me."
Caught off guard, Scott stopped dead in his tracks and swung his body around to face Rogue. Ever since they rehearsed Henry V for lit class, they had been cautious acquaintances. After Rogue squared off against the Blob to save Jean, they had become friends. He knew that she was probably nursing a crush, but he had never in a million years thought she would ask him to the Prom. Turning slightly pink at the ears he stammered on,
"I, well, I uhh, already asked Jean."
Nodding slightly, Rogue looked down at her boots and tried to act indifferently.
"Oh."
Resuming her pace, Rogue swallowed hard at the lump in her throat and cursed herself for being so stupid. Of course he would ask Jean, she was as close to perfection as humanly possible. Boys fell at her feet, and why wouldn't Scott be any different.
"Hey, wait up."
Scott flustered as he trotted to keep up with Rogue's long strides. He knew she was a little hurt, but he tried to play it off as best he could. He liked Rogue, just not the same way he liked Jean.
"It's cool, maybe you could come with us, Kurt and Kitty are sharing a ride and you can..."
Leaning forward so that her long bangs could hide her shame, Rogue waved his comment away with a gloved hand without stopping.
"No, it's okay, Ah'll go with my friends."
Emphasizing the last word, Rogue offered a sarcastic smile and focused on the kids doing jumping jacks on the far side of the track.
Feeling shittier by the minute, Scott went to place his hand on Rogue's to get her to look at him, but she jumped back when she saw his intention. Eyes wide with fear, she stared into the red shades that covered Scott's eyes. Although she longed for it, he had never willingly tried to touch her before and now that he did, she was more than a little terrified. Her fingers gripped tightly around her textbook, Rogue turned and ran to the student parking lot.
Scott followed her apologizing and asking her to wait, but Rogue reached her bike first and took off in a cloud of dust and gravel.
Cursing under his breath, Scott threw down his bookbag in frustration and watched the retreating girl as some students chortled in the background. Rogue was a Goth and he was a Freak and despite the fact that he was tight with Jean, one of the popular girls, he was overstepping well-known boundaries in his friendship with Rogue. But it was a friendship he valued. He would try and call Rogue her after school.
Disregarding the snickers and comments behind him, Scott regained his calm, bent over, picked up his bookbag and headed back to the main building for his next class. He was completely unaware of the Principal observing the scene from her office window and even less of the man photographing the entire scene from across the way.
Reveling in the feel of the wind whipping through her choppy hair, Rogue tore through the streets of Salem Center with characteristic abandon. She loved to ride her bike in the night. The freedom that it gave her was in acute opposition to the way she normally felt walking around during the day. A loner and an outcast, Rogue felt forsaken to living a bitter life alone. Her foster mother Irene had disappeared after her powers manifested over a year ago and Rogue missed her sorely.
After the incident with Cody, Rogue's life was turned upside down. Irene had vanished and Ms Darkholme had left her in a group home watched over by Guardian, a man she despised. Alone, scared, and homeless Rogue accepted of course, but she did so at a price. Withdrawing into herself even more, Rogue trudged through her existence with nothing to hope for and no-one to turn to. Living with Avalanche and Toad, she was surrounded by untempered hurt and rage, something she quickly learned to live by with a little help.
The only safe certainty in Rogue's life was Scott. Rogue knew that he didn't really like her initially, but after a run in with the X-men he sought her out and Rogue could do nothing but love him for it. She lived to see him every day at lunch but when Scott invited her to hang out with his friends on the weekends, Rogue would refuse adamantly. She was afraid to let him see who she really was, and in time learned to spend her weekends in a semi-conscious haze to forget the fact that she was all alone. Rogue was sure she loved Scott, the only problem was that he was in love with someone else and like Avalanche so often reminded her, Jean was perfect and she was anything but.
Refusing to cry, Rogue pulled into the driveway and turned off the ignition to her bike. After a long moment where she quickly smoked a cigarette, Rogue swung her legs off to the side and made her way into the house. Walking quickly through the dark hallways, she held her breath when she spotted Avalanche at the top of the stairs.
"Hey Roguey, heard ya made an ass of yourself today – again." Giggling like a lunatic between puffs of his blunt, Avalanche blocked her way with a leg.
"Fuck You!!" Rogue's angry whisper made Avalanche chortle even more. She shot a look at Guardian's door. The last thing she wanted was to wake him up. She went to move past him, but Avalanche moved his leg up higher in response.
"If you wanted a mercy fuck, you shoulda asked."
Letting her anger swim over her, Rogue kicked at his leg hard before storming to her room and slamming the door shut, muttering curses all the way. Avalanche just laughed even louder, and now hearing Guardian pounding on the wall angrily, Rogue locked the double bolt on her door, put on her headphones and flung herself on the thin bed. Reaching under her mattress, she took out a scrap of wax paper. Opening the folds reverently, Rogue came to a myriad of pills. Taking two tiny white pills that she bought from Toad the previous week, Rogue slipped into a beautifully apathetic oblivion in which she was loved and Scott was hers.
Waking up late in the afternoon with a grumble in her stomach, Rogue considered her options for the day. Going to school was definitely not one of them. The whole school probably knew she had asked Scott to the Prom and the last thing she wanted was to face Scott's pity, so her only alternatives were to find a bar in town or bum around the house - which was never an option given her 'guardian's' constant leering.
Leaving her room after a quick shower and two cigarettes to abate her hunger, Rogue went straight to Toad's room. Quietly stepping over Avalanche who was still sprawled out in the hallway floor, she let herself in and held her breath at the stench that greeted her. Rustling through the stacks of girlie magazines Toad kept in the closet, she came to the shoebox he kept his stash in.
Taking several blue oval pills from a bottle, she dropped a twenty in the shoebox before leaving again. Stopping midway, she went back and replaced the twenty with a ten. Too many wallets had gone missing at the taverns she frequented and it was getting harder to come by money. The last thing she needed was getting caught. Slipping past Avalanche quietly so she wouldn't have to deal with him again, Rogue made her way down the stairs but stopped dead in her tracks when she heard Guardian mention her name. Going back up and pressing her ear to Guardian bedroom door, she strained to hear what he was saying on the phone.
"Yeah I know……. I just need to get paid…… these kids are a pain in the ass……Yeah……she mostly gets wasted, comes in late…… I told you already, I'll watch her ……no……in the basement ……no one ever goes into the basement……only for an extra five thousand…….yeah…… bring him in this afternoon, and I'll take care of it……later."
Easing herself to the floor, Rogue's mind swam with the contents of what she just heard. Almost losing her balance when she heard the volume jump up on the television, Rogue made up her mind to see what was in the basement. Making her way quietly to the kitchen, she grabbed the Guardian's keys from under a jar and fumbled around with all of them until she found the right one.
Opening the door inside the mudroom, Rogue made her way down the narrow steps until she came to another door. This one was open and pushing it cautiously Rogue dropped the keys and her jaw. Inside was a long metallic table with restraints and buckles. On one side was a tray with ominous looking tools and scalpels and up on the wall was a curio case with a sizeable collection of guns and knives. Amazed and terrified at the realization that she was standing in a veritable torture chamber, Rogue unconsciously suppressed a shudder. She was half a second away from bolting out of the place, when she spotted a manila folder laying in the middle of the long metallic table.
Walking over and opening it with trembling fingers, she gasped out loud when she saw the familiar face of Scott. Riffling through the folder she saw more pictures, some with her in it and even a copy of his school program.
Almost in a state of panic, Rogue put the folder back how she found it and ran up the stairs. Pausing only to lock the door behind her, she hastily flung the keys back under the jar she found them in and turned to find herself face to face with Guardian. His normally lazy eyes were now sharp and calculating. He held up a blinking device Rogue had always assumed was a beeper.
"You shouldn't have done that."
Shocked, Rogue stammered as she felt her throat go dry. "Ah, Ah was looking…"
"Shut up, you little slut!!"
Moving backwards as little drops of spit landed on her face, Rogue fought the overwhelming sense of nausea that hit her all at once. She had severely underestimated the perverted little man in front of her and not knowing what else to do, Rogue turned to run but a blow to the back of her head with the butt of a gun knocked her to the ground.
Twisting her body over, Guardian grabbed the unconscious Rogue by the hair and dragged her to the room in the basement she had just left. Coldly banging her from one step to the next, he checked his watch and muttered under his breath. Mystique would not be happy. He would have to act quick if he was to keep his carefully planned schedule. Reaching the bottom of the stairs, he opened the second door and heaved Rogue up to the table. Moving as fast as he could, he tied down her legs and then moved up to her arms. He successfully strapped down her left wrist when Rogue's right arm shot up to his face.
In his rush, Guardian had failed to see her pull off her glove as he worked on the buckles on her legs. His carelessness proved fatal. Scared and hurt, Rogue let her power go unchecked. The man convulsed under her tight grip of his neck and knowing that her life depended on it, Rogue held on for a full minute until he gurgled blood and slumped to the ground.
Crying hysterically at the flood of emotions and memories that threatened to overwhelm her all at once, Rogue wailed and tugged at her restraints. Falling to the floor, she held her throbbing head until her eyes came to rest on the pictures scattered in an arc on the floor. It was Scott and the new psyche in her head told her that he was in great danger.
Confused and disoriented, Rogue grabbed the gun Guardian had shoved into his waistband, stumbled back upstairs and somehow made it to her bike. Realizing that she would be of little help to Scott, Rogue remembered the pen-like communicator Jean gave her months ago. Frantically taking it from her jacket pocket she clicked it on and yelled in her destination. She had no idea who would hear it, but tearing through the backroads of Salem, Rogue hoped it would be enough.
Scott tossed a stone into the slowly moving creek under the bridge. When Rogue didn't show for school that morning, he was more than worried. He had cornered Toad in gym and asked him about Rogue, but like always - he wasn't exactly a wealth of information. Completely miserable, he told Jean what had happened the day before. She was understanding, as always, and to his relief he found a note in his locker from Rogue. She was asking him to meet her at Hutchinson Pass Bridge. He came hoping to salvage a friendship and to set things straight.
Feeling slightly better, Scott went to throw another pebble into the water, when he caught a foul odor in the breeze. Turning, he saw Sabretooth's monstrous form charging him. Instinctively reaching for his red shades, Scott went to blast his aggressor, but was too late in acting. Punching him in the stomach, Sabretooth doubled Scott over. He grumbled in delight, but Scott acted quick and retaliated by grinding his fist into the bigger man's crotch. Howling in pain, Sabretooth swung at Scott again.
Falling over under the massive fist, Scott lay unconscious while Sabretooth pulled his hand back for the killer blow. But it never came. A shot rang out instead, ripping through Sabretooth's shoulder and sending him over the bridge and into the creek.
Rogue ran to Scott's side in a blurry panic, "Scott, can you hear me?"
Reaching for Scott's neck to feel his pulse, Rogue gasped as she was grabbed from behind. Sabretooth had gone over, but held on to the railing. Lifting her to his eye-level, Sabretooth squeezed at Rogue's throat with his massive hands and smiled into her face.
"I was in the middle of something, girlie."
Gasping for breath, Rogue struggled to no avail. Indulging in his penchant for strangling women, Sabretooth slowly tightened his grip and watched Rogue's furious flailing lessen and then finally stop. Intrigued by the shade of blue her eyelids were taking, Sabretooth didn't notice the Wolverine come up from behind.
"How 'bout messin with someone yer own size, bub."
Dropping Rogue like a rag doll, Sabretooth turned to face his old enemy with a smile. He lunged at Wolverine, shredding his uniform along with his chest. But Wolverine was fast. Before the scars closed up, he had turned slightly and drove three claws into the beast's side. Howling in agony, Sabretooth stepped back but Wolverine's speed was just too much for him.
"Goodbye old friend."
Growling, Wolverine charged and withdrew again before Sabretooth had a chance to react. Looking down, he caught his intestines in his outstretched hands. Falling to his knees with a look of utter shock on his face, Sabretooth keeled forward and breathed his last breath.
Withdrawing his claws into his fists, Wolverine took a minute to steady his breath and try to forget the feel of warm guts on his claws. Snapping out of it when Scott stirred on the ground, he looked over at Rogue's still form. Wolverine bent over her and brought his ear to her chest. Behind him Scott sat up, on the verge of panic.
"Is she..?"
"No." Glancing over at the scared kid with the growing knot on his face, Wolverine added, "But soon."
Blinking back tears, Scott looked over at the growing pool of blood under Sabretooth's body, "We have to rush to the…"
Stopping in mid sentence, Scott turned pale when he saw that Wolverine had no intentions of taking Rogue to the hospital. Holding his breath and bracing himself, Wolverine cradled Rogue's body, brushed her white bangs off her face and brought his lips down to her forehead. For a minute nothing happened and Scott hung his head in sorrow. Then everything stopped. Even the water seemed to have silenced. The pull drained Wolverine in seconds and he faintly heard Scott yelling and Rogue coughing in the distance before passing out.
Logan woke up before Rogue that night. His healing factor left him better than new, but Rogue had been hysterical when Storm and Xavier came to get them on Hutchinson Pass Bridge. Mentally unbalanced because of the two transfers she underwent, Rogue had to be sedated while Xavier dealt with the authorities, and Logan and then probed her mind. Avalanche and Toad had vanished and it was quite clear that Rogue had no place to go. Sabretooth's body raised considerable questions, but Xavier had considerable powers of persuasion.
Even unconscious, Rogue was incredibly resistant to probing. Xavier made it so that the new personalities dissolved into the background, letting Rogue take center stage again. Unfortunately Rogue herself was not in a much better state. Waking up in the Med Room that night from an uneasy sleep, she cursed out Storm who was watching over her and ran off. Babbling about Guardian and Sabretooth, Rogue stumbled through the corridors, making it as far as the living room where she collapsed. Logan found her and he and Storm took her to her new room. The X-Men understood that Rogue had unwillingly taken a life, so they gave her the space she needed and left her alone.
After two full days of crying and sleeping on end, hunger finally brought Rogue out of her room. She had crawled out of bed and explored every inch of her luxurious room with guilt in her heart. She was pleased to have found her clothes and things neatly folded in the walk-in closet shelves and scented lined drawers, but it shamed her deeply to think that Storm or someone had gone to her house to get them. Storm was the most beautiful person Rogue had ever seen and to think of her walking into her old room was humiliating. Sighing sorrowfully, Rogue got dressed in her signature black and see-through green, and ventured out to face her new situation.
Walking slowly through the hallways, Rogue found her way to the quiet conversation in the kitchen where Logan, Storm and Xavier were having coffee and talking about the news. Carefully making her way to the table, Rogue sat in the furthest chair and played with the silver rings adorning each of her gloved fingers. Xavier was the first to speak.
"Good morning, Rogue."
Without looking up, Rogue mumbled a good morning also. The three were trying to size her up, but she was too tired to size back. She just wanted to say it and leave.
Storm quietly stood up and brought her a plate stacked with steaming French toast. "Would you like some coffee?"
Again without looking up Rogue mumbled, "Yes."
Smiling to herself, Storm added in her exotic accent, "Logan, I believe we found you a suitable conversation companion."
Logan snorted in amusement and sipped at his coffee silently watching Rogue eat. They resumed the conversation, but it was obvious that all attention was on the girl. She had yet to make eye contact with anyone, but you didn't have to be psychic to know she was gathering up her courage. Halfway through an impromptu editorial by Xavier on the latest mutant legislation, Rogue finally spoke up.
"Thank You."
Her voice cut through the conversation like a bell. Xavier exchanged looks with Storm and then regarded Rogue solemnly.
"You are welcome, Rogue."
Looking purposefully at Logan, Rogue continued, "For everythang."
Nodding almost imperceptibly, Logan continued to sip at his coffee, wondering just how anyone could have an earring in their nose and their eyebrow.
Looking back down at her breakfast, Rogue quietly worked on her meal just as Kitty, Jean, Kurt and Scott came down noisily down the stairs. Noticeably more restless, Rogue brought the headphones she had around her neck to her ears and blasted on the music, trying to ignore the exchange of good mornings and the fact that Scott and Jean sat down together. Staying in her chair just long enough to appear indifferent, Rogue got up, took her plate to the sink, withdrew a cigarette from over her ear and lit it. Knowing that every eye was on her, Rogue fingered the large silver cross hanging to her midriff and took in a deep, meaningful puff before walking out of the kitchen. Grabbing her jacket, Rogue went in search of her bike. Finding it in a garage house, she kicked it to life and then took off.
Heading out to a nearby pool hall, Rogue mulled over her current situation. Xavier and his people were a serious step up from where she was living, but it would not be easy living at the Mansion. Despite her gratitude, Rogue was just not prepared to live down the hall from Scott. Alone once again, she begrudgingly took Xavier's offer to stay for lack of anywhere else, but she had too many issues to just fit in and play nice. It was just too hard seeing Scott and Jean together. Many hours and several bottles later, Rogue came to the conclusion that she would be better off on her own. She would leave and head north.
Rogue returned to the Mansion sometime past midnight. Parking her bike on the lush green lawn and tearing it up in the process, she half-dismounted, half-fell off it. Swaying slightly, she dragged her heavy boots to the front door of the stately Mansion and tried to turn the knob. The door wouldn't budge. Spotting the keypad to the right, she racked her brain to remember the code Xavier had given her. Punching in four digits, she tried to open the door again, but it would not give. Frustrated, Rogue tried four more before kicking the door hard.
Too dizzy to think, she slid down to sit on the welcome mat. Bringing her knees up to her chest, Rogue sighed heavily before taking out a cigarette from her bustier and shoving it between her lips. Feeling along her jacket pockets and down her body, Rogue cursed into the dark night. Blowing her bangs away from her face with an impatient blow, Rogue leaned her head back against the door and closed her eyes to steady the whirling in her field of vision.
"Need a light?"
Startled, Rogue dropped her unlit cigarette when her mouth hung open.
"Who, who's there?"
Straining to see in the pale moonlight, Rogue tugged at her skirt and stood up. But the sudden movement made her dizzy again and she staggered a little before regaining her composure.
"Ah asked who's there!"
Logan responded by lighting a cigar of his own. Illuminated by the tall yellow flame, Logan raised an eyebrow in feigned disinterest. Rogue chuckled at his expression and sauntered over to the swinging patio bench he was sitting on.
"Why are you out heah, sugah?"
Falling into a well-rehearsed routine, Rogue sat down, crossed her legs and slowly withdrew a cigarette from somewhere in her cleavage, bringing it to her mouth. Her inebriated state exaggerated her accent greatly. Amused, Logan lit it before answering.
"You first."
Puffing away and shaking her head, Rogue motioned to the door, "Obviously tryin' to get in."
Logan nodded quietly with a smile, "I see."
Rogue looked over expectedly and Logan finally added, "Couldn't sleep."
Mulling over whether he was serious or not, Rogue ground out the cigarette she was holding and produced another. Her flirtatious façade melted away as she remembered that she was sitting with the man who had saved her life the day before. Remembering the struggle, Rogue hung her head in quiet sorrow.
Fixated by Rogue's black lips surrounding the thin white paper, Logan silently lit that one too. Seeing the change in her demeanor, there was no doubt in Logan's mind that Rogue was planning to leave.
"So you stayin?"
Blinking dejectedly, Rogue shook her head yes. "Ah don't belong heah."
Letting slow aromatic tendrils escape his lips, Logan pressed on, "Where will you go?"
Shifting slightly, Rogue rested her head on her hand. A headache was forming at the base of her head. "Ah don't know."
A minute later she added, "How could you live with yoself?"
Dealing with his own pang of guilt, Logan furrowed his brow. "We had no choice. It was them or us."
Letting the answer settle between them, Logan watched Rogue carefully. Puffing away silently, Rogue thought about the words too, until she felt the tears threatening to spill over in her dark rimmed eyes. Puffing away a little faster, she fought them and frowned when they finally ran down her face. She hated that about herself.
Seeing every movement of her struggle on her face in the dusky moonlight, Logan wordlessly extended his arm to place around Rogue's shoulder. Rogue tensed up immediately at the prospect of being touched. But Rogue's constant paranoid guard was let down by Logan's slow deliberate manner. Resisting slightly, she eventually let herself be reigned into the crook of Logan's arm. Sobbing quietly, she let go her considerable defenses and tried to form the words to describe what haunted her – Cody, Irene, Scott, the Guardian but Logan just shushed her. Swaying slightly in the warm June breeze, Rogue let herself be soothed on the bench swing.
After Logan felt Rogue's sniffing subside and heard her breathing regulate into sleep, he gathering her up in his arms and took Rogue up to her room. He was lost in thought as he carried her. Xavier was not kidding when he said this girl was lost, but something deep inside of Logan had clicked for her. Placing Rogue gently on her high bed, Logan marveled at the irony that made her look so peaceful while she slept. Rogue was just like him when Xavier found him, and Logan knew the pain she carried all too well. It was anger, hurt, loneliness, and regret all rolled into an indistinguishable mess. Sitting by her on the bed, Logan vowed to watch and take care of Rogue. She deserved a chance and if he could become human again - she could too.
Carefully removing her leather jacket, Logan pulled out Rogue's bike keys and put them in his jeans with his own. Unlacing the combat boots next, he pulled them off and let them fall with a thud on the carpeted floor. Covering Rogue's form with a blanket, he moved to her bookbag next. Spilling it's contents on the dresser, he took the retractable blade with the wooden handle and the three joints she had in the cigarette box. Stopping for a minute at the square foil packages, he looked over at Rogue sleeping then dropped them again.
Sifting through the remaining items he came to what he was searching for. Opening her compact, he lifted the puff to find dozens of different pills of all shapes and sizes. Emptying all into his fist, he shoved them into his pocket as well before tossing the fake compact back on the dresser again. Walking across the room, Logan closed the door behind him and reiterated his sentiment - she deserved a chance.
Rogue woke up that afternoon to find her things gone. Faintly recalling the conversation she had with Logan on the porch, she charged downstairs to look for him. Never haven gotten a tour of the grounds, it took longer than she expected. Coming across Kurt and Kitty making out in the living room sofa, obviously already back from school, Rogue demanded to know where he was. They exchanged odd looks and said "the gym" out of breath and in unison. Flashing the pair a dirty look, Rogue barreled downstairs to the gym.
Barging through the double doors, Rogue skidded to a stop when she encountered Logan meditating on a mat with incense and candles burning all around him in a circle. She didn't expect him to be doing this. Temporarily unable to talk, Rogue eyed Logan's naked top half suspiciously. Crossing her arms, she cleared her throat.
"What?" Logan sounded serene and didn't even open his eyes to acknowledge her.
Infuriated, Rogue spit out, "You know what!!"
Taking a few steps forward, Rogue squeezed her fists at her side, "You took my …things. Give them back, you asshole!!!"
"No."
Gasping at Logan's insanely calm voice, Rogue looked to her left where a wire basket held an assortment of balls. Picking up a baseball she hurled it at Logan's face, but he calmly caught it without even opening his eyes. Positively heated, Rogue picked up another one and flung it at Logan with a slew of curses this time. Logan simply ducked then to Rogue's surprise he stood up and charged, knocking her down before she had time to react. Rogue struggled uselessly against his imposing weight.
"Get off me!! You fucking..."
Despite not wearing a shirt, Logan had no fear of touching her deadly skin. He held her hands to her back with one of his own and with little more than an annoyed look, Logan picked Rogue up with the other and carried her off to the back. Logan moved silently, but Rogue was going through an extensive list of insults.
Kicking open the swinging door to the men's showers Logan pinned Rogue unceremoniously against the tiled wall. Reaching over with his free hand, he turned on the cold water directly over her. Shocked into silence by the icy water, Rogue gasped for breath and quit struggling. Letting go, she slid to the floor where Logan regarded her carefully before speaking. Rogue considered touching him, but fear kept her immobile.
Seeing her intent, Logan kneeled before her and grabbed Rogue's wrists,
"You don't scare me."
Contempt blazed in Rogue's eyes, but Logan continued in a calm, hushed tone, "If you hate the world so much fight back with these." Holding up her fisted hands, Logan looked at them for effect.
Returning his cold gaze to the shivering girl, Logan pressed his thumb into her right hand. Rogue whimpered in pain and opened her hand immediately. Taking one of her gloved fingers to her lips, he concluded,
"Not these."
Smearing Rogue's black lipstick across her cheek, Logan finally let go. Stepping over her, he calmly made his way to wherever he was headed. Rogue stood where she was for a few moments before yelling with all her might into the wide white tiled room,
"Asshole!!!!!"
Her voice echoed through the entire Mansion, making Kurt and Kitty roll off the couch with a thump and giving Jean an instant headache. Hearing it from where he was drinking a bottled water, Logan just chuckled and continued to towel off.
Continuing her auditory punishment, Rogue retreated into her room, soaking wet after the 'shower incident,' where she plotted against Logan against the backdrop of Nine Inch Nails. Turning up the stereo as high as it would go, she lay on her bed and scribbled furiously in her notebook diary until Xavier and Storm returned home from the theater and summoned her.
Unwilling to have Logan reveal exactly what he found in her room, Rogue begrudgingly listened to a lecture on responsibility and manners. Agreeing to get her bike back in exchange for some afterschool training, Rogue left Xavier's office pleased with her new situation. She would deal with the X-Men for the remaining two and a half weeks of school, after which she was free to leave for good. Feeling much better, she left the office, rounded a corner and walked right into the last person she wanted to see.
"Hi Rogue."
Not making any effort to hide her disappointment Rogue pursued her lips and gave Scott a sarcastically cheery "Hi." Sidestepping him, she rolled her eyes and hurried down the hallway.
"Wait! I wanted to speak to you." Scott jogged to catch up and walked backwards in front of her.
Pausing for a moment, Rogue asked, "What is it?"
Riffling his brown hair back in place, Scott shoved his hands into his pocket as far as they would go.
"I just wanted to thank you, you know, for coming to get me."
Noticing the pain fleetingly cross Rogue's face, he quickly added, "I'm glad you're staying with us, you were MIA the last four days and I didn't get a chance to welcome you."
Offering his sweetest smile, Scott extended his hand. Rogue stared at it for a second before shaking it.
"Yeah, Ah've been out." Smiling slowly at the lingering touch of his hands, Rogue took her hand back and continued to walk down the hall. Reaching a bench chair, she sat down and Scott followed.
"Ah'm kinda grounded now though."
Laughing ruefully, Scott leaned back on the bench, with his hands behind his head. "Yeah I heard you upset Logan."
Rolling her eyes at the name, Rogue crinkled her face. "What an asshole! How can you stand him?"
Riffling his hair again, Scott shook his head, "He's really cool once you get to know him. He taught me so many nice moves. Keeps to himself mostly."
Crossing her arms in disdain Rogue picked at a large gash in her black stockings. It was so easy talking to Scott, she wondered exactly why she was trying to avoid him. Oh yeah – the redhead.
"You know the American History final is tomorrow. You already missed two days."
Turning her body to face Scott, Rogue tucked one leg under herself and absently fingered the large silver hoop earrings she had on. Looking into the shiny red shades, she wondered if Scott had closed his eyes.
"Yeah Ah'll show up tomorrow for sure. Ah'm on a short leash now."
Chuckling softly and then turning his head to look at Rogue, Scott broached the subject that still tugged at his conscience.
"The Prom is this Saturday. I still want you to come with us."
Looking down so that her long white bangs covered her face, Rogue swallowed hard. "You'd be tha only one, sugah."
"That's not true. We all want you to come."
To Rogue's great disappointment, her eyes teared up again. Turning to match her pose, Scott continued, "Give them a chance, I guarantee you'll like them."
Looking up to lose herself in the red gleam of Scott's shades, Rogue shook her head softly. If she didn't tell him now, she never would.
"Ah can't watch you with her."
Her voice breaking at the last word, Rogue was finally unable to stop her tears from flowing down her face. Scott went to say something, but he paused when Rogue raised a finger and almost placed it on his lips.
"It's okay Scott, Ah just had ta say it."
Not knowing what else to do Rogue lowered her hand, but Scott caught it before she did and kissed her gloved finger piously. Holding still for a moment, both Scott and Rogue savored the painful moment of rejection in silence. Both knew that it was a turning point and if anything - regardless of the hurt feelings - their friendship would be stronger for it. Hearing Kurt and Kitty come down the hallway, Scott and Rogue sprung apart and smiled sadly. Friendship would have to suffice. Slightly embarrassed, they each went in opposite directions.
The next morning, Rogue woke up in slighter better spirits than she had in a long time. She still ached to think about Scott, but deep down she had seen that he did care for her and that was more than she had allowed herself to hope for before. They had reached a good resolution and like Irene used to tell her -life went on. Sniffing and taking notice of the dark circles around her eyes from all her last minute cramming, Rogue sniffed and penciled in more eyeliner than she normally did and vowed to get even with Logan for getting her sick.
Muttering a stiff good morning to the room, Rogue took her breakfast and sat down with her headphones on. Exchanging a warm smile with Scott, she offered Logan a look that could kill and proceeded to eat in silence, ignoring everybody else. When everyone was done and clearing the table, Rogue finally spoke up.
"Storm, can I please have my keys now?"
Everyone stopped in their tracks at the unfamiliar sound of Rogue's voice. Only Logan seemed unfazed.
"Sure, Logan has them."
Turning to Logan, Rogue did little to hide her dislike of him as she impatiently extended her hand. He just raised an eyebrow and dug in his pants. Snatching them from his hand, she was halfway gone when he called from the table,
"Four o'clock sharp." Pausing to take a sip of coffee, Logan added with a smile, " In the gym."
Clutching her bookbag a little tighter Rogue ground her teeth together without turning around and hurried off.
At exactly one minute after four, Logan burst through Rogue's door. Gasping in shock, Rogue quickly removed her headphones and sat up in her bed.
"What tha hell is wrong with you, can't you knock?"
Not stopping to look at her, Logan strode over to where Rogue's bookbag was and dumped it's contents on the bed. Rogue went to stop him, but one look from him made her stop where she was. Her only weapon was to whine.
"Hey!…….You have no right to go through my things, jerk!!"
Not pausing to pay her any mind, Logan rummaged through the things until he found what he was looking for. Holding up a contact lens case, he turned to face a suddenly petrified Rogue. Crossing her arms over her chest she flustered under his gaze. He leaned in real close and Rogue knew that he could smell the vodka in her breath.
Logan stared at her mercilessly and Rogue knew she was in deep trouble now. Swallowing her pride, Rogue changed tactics and begged.
"Please don't tell tha Professor. Ah need only three weeks."
Logan's only answer was to tighten his lips and cross his heavily muscled arms.
Moving in closer, Rogue put a hand on his shoulder. Logan's jaw twitched.
"Ah didn't take any, ah swear. Ah took ah drink instead."
Placing her other hand on Logan's arm, Rogue's voice got more shrill as she saw that Logan was unmoving. There were tears in her eyes and Logan found himself lost in the green pools while she insisted,
"It was ah really hard day but Ah promise you Logan, Ah didn't take any."
Realizing that he was now finding it hard to breathe, Logan stepped back suddenly, so that her hands dropped between them. He slowly held up the plastic case.
"No more."
Mesmerized by the little white case, Rogue nodded solemnly, "No more."
Taking a rumpled tissue from the pile of things on the bed, Logan handed it to Rogue, who was turning redder by the minute.
"The gym in a half-hour."
Rogue nodded quietly into the now empty room. Blowing her nose, she slowly cleaned up the mess on the bed, changed into a leotard and sweats and slowly made her way to the gym. Walking in much more timidly than when she did the day before, Rogue meandered over to where Logan was siting on a mat. Wondering if he would start teaching her death grips right away, Rogue was beyond pleased when he simply pointed to the pillow in front of him and asked her to take off her sneakers.
They spent two hours practicing yoga stretches and meditation techniques. Rogue was naturally flexible so she took to the poses easier than most, but her balance was terrible. She would hold a one legged pose for all of two seconds before tipping over. She felt odd being so close with big, scary Logan, but after a while, she grew accustomed to his silence and she felt more at ease at the feel of his hands guiding her body.
When the two hours were up, Logan simply said he'll see her tomorrow and Rogue nodded silently. Grabbing her sneakers, she made her way to her room again where she finished cramming for finals to classes she had ignored all year. She woke up the next day pressed face down in her books. It became a routine; she went to school, took finals, came home, worked out with Logan and studied after dinner until late at night. By Saturday, Rogue was exhausted and when Storm came to wake her at mid-day, she felt more than a little sick. But it was hard to put anything past the intuitive Storm. In the few days that she had known her, Rogue had grown immensely fond of the African beauty.
"Does this have anything to do with the Prom tonight?"
Immediately defensive, Rogue shook her head in flat out denial. "No, Ah just don't feel too good."
Smiling knowingly, Storm crossed her hands on her lap, "I understand."
Looking up, Rogue looked at her graceful friend with suspicion. "Ah'm just not interesting in things like that."
Smiling gently, Storm agreed silently.
Now sitting up, Rogue continued her defense, "It's just an over-priced, over-hyped party chaperoned by math teachers and used as an excuse to sell ridiculous taffeta nightmares and push teen movies. Ah don't see why people bother."
Realizing she just overreacted big time, Rogue sat back against her headboard and fumed while Storm considered her carefully.
"So why do you want to go?"
Wrapping her arms around herself, Rogue sighed heavily, and took a long time to answer, "The person Ah wanted to go with, is going with someone else. Ah just won't fit in."
Realizing as much, Storm folded her delicate hands. "Perhaps you should go and make it your own."
Rogue followed Storm's advice and decided to go to her Prom. But true to the words, she made it her own. Soliciting the last-minute aid of Jean and Kitty when they returned from the salon, Storm orchestrated a last minute make-over. When they emerged a few hours later, Rogue was virtually unrecognizable. Forgoing a typical dress, she wore a short satin burgundy dress that clung like a second skin that Storm lent her. Over it, Rogue added her floor-length black mesh duster and tall black knee boots. Her hair pulled to the back in loose soft curls and a thick black velvet choker covering her neck finished the look. Most astonishing was the fact that she wasn't wearing her typical black make-up, rather softer tones that matched her dress perfectly.
Quietly accepting Storm's compliments, Rogue allowed herself to think that for once she looked normal. The feeling was short-lived though. When Jean and Kitty walked down the stairs and into the arms of their dates, Rogue simply sat at the top of the steps and watched. Scott had bought Jean a corsage, and slipping it over her wrist he gave her a lingering kiss that left them both flushed. Turning to pose for a picture that Storm took, they seemed perfectly happy and perfectly in love. Rogue swallowed hard at the lump in her throat. She prepared all day by convincing herself that it would be fun to go along, but looking at the two beaming couples, she was suddenly not that sure.
Halfway through the photo-op, Logan wheeled Xavier in and instinctively both men looked up to see Rogue on the steps. Quickly perking up for their benefit, Rogue smiled tightly and descended. Curtly fielding compliments from Kurt, Scott, and the Professor, Rogue quickly thanked them before stepping outside. The fact that Rogue felt something for Scott wasn't lost on anyone and exchanging embarrassed looks, the junior X-Men awkwardly left behind her.
Rogue was already waiting on her bike when the others descended the porch steps. Everyone protested of course, but Rogue just averted her gaze from Scott and Jean and insisted that she could ride fine in a short skirt, especially since she did it almost everyday. Seeing that she would not change her mind, the junior X-Men agreed and left in the awaiting limo.
The three adults watched them leave. Storm squeezed Xavier's hand and sighed heavily before walking back into the Mansion. Logan quietly lit a cigar and leaned on a tall white column. Xavier noticed the concern in his protégé and stood behind. They engaged in a wordless conversation until late, when he told Logan to act on his instincts and go after her.
Taking off her helmet, as soon as she was out of sight, Rogue revved up the engine and left the limo far behind. She had all intentions of joining the others at the Prom, but first she needed a little something to cope. Arriving at the hotel twenty minutes after the junior X-Men, Rogue handed her keys to the valet and walked in without an escort. Ignoring several snide comments and rude remarks about her unconventional 'dress', Rogue cut to the front of the line and haughtily walked into the lobby. Smiling, she made her way over to Scott, who was pacing.
"Lookin' sharp handsome."
Slightly embarrassed, Scott grinned, "Not so bad yourself. We were getting worried."
Rogue raised the little black clutch bag she was carrying innocently, "Needed a pack."
Not doubting her word for a second, Scott frowned, "Those things are going to kill you."
Rolling her eyes, Rogue dismissed his familiar argument, "Gotta die someday."
Offering his hand, Scott escorted Rogue into the main hall among the swarm of people coming and going. She lightly placed her arm on him and followed. The main hall was dim and flashing with lights as a Britney Spears song assaulted them from every angle. The pounding music coming from inside, seemed oddly out of place in the palatial hotel.
Rogue crinkled her nose in distaste and muttered under her breath, "Ah knew it."
Scott laughed easily as they made their way to the table. He was craning his neck to see Jean dancing with someone else. Letting go of his arm, Rogue spoke into Scott's ear, "Go, dance."
Looking embarrassed again, Scott smiled and left. Feeling disappointed, Rogue weaved her way to the table where Kurt and Kitty were seated. The seemed happy to see her, but Rogue couldn't concentrate on what Kitty was saying. When a slow song came on, Kurt asked her to dance, but Rogue quietly refused and told them to go on instead. She was too busy staring at Jean and Scott on the dance floor. Wearing a red strapless dress, Jean looked amazing. Scott held her close, whispering something in her ear. She laughed and moved in tighter as he slid his hands down to her hips. Snuggling into her neck, Scott planted a small kiss on Jean's pale skin. Looking down at her punch as a wave of nausea hit her, Rogue got up and headed for the bathroom.
The line for the girls restroom was enormous, and close to tears, Rogue decide to walk into the boys bathroom instead. Keeping her eyes straight ahead, she muttered a few 'fuck yous' to some lewd comments and found her way to a stall. Locking the door tight, she wiped the tears off her face, opened her small clutch and withdrew a little folded square of wax paper. Popping two little white pills into mouth and letting them dissolve bitterly under her tongue, Rogue waited a few minutes for the effect to take hold. When the tingling in her fingers started a few minutes later, she unlatched the door and went straight to a sink. Taking a few handfuls of water to her lips, she leaned her head against the mirror and smiled as a wave of ambivalence washed over her.
Behind her, the bathroom emptied. The next thing she knew, Rogue was turned around and pinned against the sink. A familiar face was talking to her but she had trouble discerning what he was saying. Exasperated he shook her hard enough so that some of her curls tumbled down around her neck. Giggling happily, Rogue focused a little bit more and was finally able to recognize the face.
"Avalanche, how tha heck are ya, sugah! Long time no habla. Ah heard ya ran away."
Avalanche leered at the girl he was practically holding up, "No shit!! Ever since you offed Guardian you little bitch!"
Frowning, Rogue wagged her finger at him. "That's not nice, sugah, don't make me hurt you."
The smile vanishing from his face, Avalanche thought about the threat for a minute, "You're too fucked up to know which way is up." Looking down at her cleavage, he continued, "Because of you, I'm on the street again, while you're living it up."
Unfazed, Rogue moved in closer with a menacing smirk, "Ah know your bluff, A-va-lanche."
As expected, he stepped back immediately. Rogue grabbed her purse and quickly walked away. Behind her the windows rattled slightly while Avalanche called her every name in the book. Holding her hands to her ears, Rogue pushed her way to the dance floor. Not wanting to sit and think, Rogue started dancing. Awash in the music, she tried to regain the brief joy she felt in the stall, but it was pointless. Because of Avalanche, she was close to tears again. When they were living in the same house, he would hit on her mercilessly, but whenever she pushed back, he would back off instantly. It hurt deeply to think that even a pervert like Avalanche was unwilling to touch her.
Throwing her head from side to side even faster, Rogue undulated to the music blindly. She didn't care if she brushed up against anyone. All that mattered was trying to forget. Swaying her hips to the rhythm, she gyrated until the buzz in her head became too overwhelming. The last thing she wanted to do was get fucked up and yet she did. Dizzy and panting, Rogue snapped her eyes open and pushed her way through the crowd.
Reaching an empty outdoor veranda, Rogue held onto the balcony edge to steady herself. Taking out a cigarette from her clutch, she lit it and burned through half of it with one long drag. Behind her there was clapping.
"Very nice, very classy, How 'bout a private lap dance for me?"
Refusing to turn around and acknowledge him, Rogue crossed her arms and looked down to the pool and gardens below. The music was too loud for anyone to hear her scream. She had backed up into a bad situation.
"Get lost Avalanche Ah'm sick of you."
Avalanche whirled her around, "Yeah, I noticed you traitor bitch! Are you an X-Men now?"
Angry at his accusation, Rogue blew smoke into his face, "Fuck off, jerk."
Smiling maniacally, Avalanche suppressed a cough and tightened his grip on Rogue's arm. She winced slightly and briefly considered if it'd be worth it to touch him. Still debating, Rogue felt the ground beneath her tremble slightly. It was hard to hide the fear in her voice.
"Are you goin' Carrie on me, Avalanche?"
"Shut up bitch, I'm so sick of your smart-ass comments!"
Struggling a little more, Rogue stomped Avalanche's foot with her heel. He immediately squealed and loosened his grip. Wrenching her arm free, Rogue turned to leave, but Avalanche hooked her from behind around the waist. Clapping his hand over her mouth he picked Rogue up off the ground.
"You ain't going nowhere you little……"
His sentence was cut in half by the feel of three claws up against his throat.
"I suggest you let go real nice-like, bub."
Avalanche immediately lessened his grip and lifted his hands slowly. Rogue stumbled to the floor and turned to see Logan behind him.
"Hey man, I was just foolin' with her, take it easy."
Smelling the fear in his shaky voice, Logan grinned and kicked his knees under. Avalanche fell to the ground hard, "Didn't look that way to me."
Feeling the three small punctures deepen, Avalanche begged to be released, on the verge of tears. "Com'on man, I didn't mean anything."
Struggling to her feet again, Rogue interjected. The last thing she needed to see was another man gutted. "Let im go Logan, please."
Looking over to Rogue's panicked expression, Logan softened and withdrew his hand, "Beat it, punk, If I so much as see you again…."
Avalanche didn't wait to hear the rest of the threat. He bolted from the balcony and scrambled away. Logan went to check if Rogue was okay, but she just whimpered and took a huge step back. Looking down he saw that his claws were still extended. Drawing them in, he turned to her again the way you would with a spooked animal.
"I'm sorry. I'm not gonna hurt you kid."
Frowning in hazy confusion, Rogue eyed the curtain and only exit located directly to the left. Making an illogical dash to it, she whelped when Logan blocked her way with his frame and held her.
"Let go!"
Taking her face in his gloved hands, Logan tried to make Rogue focus on him. Her pupils were dilated, but like the day on the porch, his willingness to touch her had a hypnotic effect. Ceasing her movement, Rogue stood dumbstruck at the feel of two hands cupping either sides of her face. Remembering how it felt to be pressed against someone close enough to feel their heartbeat, Rogue voluntarily leaned into him and buried her face into Logan's chest. Satisfied that she calmed down, Logan enveloped her firmly in return.
Wallowing in the feel of his warmth, Rogue looped her thumbs into the waist of Logan's jeans and turned her face slightly to take in a deep breath of his scent. Feeling Rogue's every movement, Logan tensed up. He was too aware of the slippery feel of her body under her dress and it bothered him to think that his body could betrayed him. He was supposed to take care of her, not hit on her. Coughing roughly Logan cleared his throat.
"I should take you home."
Pulling back, Rogue agreed in silence and rubbed her eyes. Logan had felt incredibly safe and she faintly wondered why she never let anyone hug her. Oh yes, she could kill them. Shocked into her reality again, Rogue awakened from her trance and looked up at Logan with suspicious eyes. Looking nervous again, she stepped away from him even as his hand closed around hers. Parting the curtain, he led her out, weaving through the crowds. The music was overwhelming and Rogue was too tired to struggle. She teetered behind Logan blindly until she walked right into Logan's back. It was Jean.
"What's wrong?"
Logan chose to mouth the words instead of yelling over the noise, "Drunk. Taking her home."
Looking at Rogue clutching his back and then at Logan, and then back at Rogue, Jean finally nodded in agreement and then moved through the crowd. Logan followed behind the trail she cut holding a mumbling Rogue up against his side. Finally reaching the center hall, Jean turned around as a thought occurred to her,
"Her bike."
"I'll take it, came in the truck."
Giving the older man a shaky smile, Jean gave Rogue one last unsure look before walking back through the main hall double doors. Rogue went out of her way to avoid touching anyone, and yet there she was draped against Logan of all people.
When they were outside, Rogue regained some alertness. Looking over as Logan gave the valet twenty dollars for loading up the bike, she uttered,
"Hey that's my bike."
Logan smiled in spite of himself as he opened the door and slid Rogue into the pick-up. Going around and taking his place behind the wheel, he looked over to see Rogue hanging out the window checking to see where her bike was going. Pulling her back in and rolling up the window, Logan sighed in frustration.
Rogue leaned her head against the glass. She looked close to tears, "She's so beautiful."
It was barely a whisper, but Logan's sensitive hearing picked up the comment. Turning the ignition, Logan quirked his eyebrows, "You promised."
Still halfway conscious, Rogue hung her head in shame, "It was just….too hard."
Logan gripped the wheel tighter, "And this is easy?"
He looked over at Rogue who was slumping in her seat. Her last words were barely a mumble, "Why do you bother?"
Logan frowned and muttered, "You're worth it." But Rogue was already asleep.
She was half stretched out in the front seat until they reached the Mansion. Storm greeted them at the door. Pulling Rogue into his arms, he carried her to her room, while Storm followed. When he put her down, she woke up, and looked around with a silly grin.
"How many did you take?"
Rogue answered half asleep, "Three."
Logan clenched his jaw. Ignoring the worried expression on Storm's face, he ventured one more question, "Why?"
Practically whispering, Rogue responded in a hushed tone thick with accent, "No-body loves me."
Flicking a tear off her cheek, Storm continued to take off Rogue's boots in silence. Logan left.
Rogue woke up with a faint recollection of the previous night. Going downstairs for coffee to help clear her headache, she came across Storm watering the potted plants hanging on the windows.
"Good Morning Rogue."
If it were anybody else, Rogue would have simply left, but the woman before her commanded her respect.
"Mornin' Storm."
Rogue hopped up on one of the counters and braced herself for the inevitable lecture, but it never came. Jean had walked in, closely followed by Scott. He was tickling her but both stopped abruptly and straightened out when they saw her.
Not ever knowing quite how to act around Rogue, Jean walked over to Storm with the pretext to help her in the chore. It was an understatement to say that the strange, brooding girl in love with her boyfriend bothered her. It was odd because being psychic, Jean was well aware of how Scott felt for her, but she was simply not used to someone not liking her. Rogue was an enigma. Rogue had risked her life to save her once, but then went out of her way to distance herself from everyone. Jean was a kind and empathic person, but Rogue simply baffled her. Looking over at Scott talking to her, Jean dismissed her worries and focused on what Storm was saying to her instead.
Suddenly uncomfortable, Rogue hopped down from the counter. She wanted to make a clean getaway, but he was already there.
"Hey Rogue, you broke out early yesterday. Are you okay?"
Rogue fussed at her robe and poured the rest of her coffee down the sink. "Yeah, not my kinda crowd."
Satisfied with the answer, Scott smiled and flipped his hair, "Well, we are going to the movies today, if you wanna come. Scream 5, supposed to be cool."
Rogue smiled blankly and looked at Jean and Storm fussing with the row of plants by the window. "No thanks, maybe next time."
Backing up without any further word, Rogue walked out leaving Scott with his mouth still open.
"Okay, next time."
Taking the steps two at a time, Rogue scurried up the stairs and locked her room door. Flipping on her radio and producing her tattered notebook journal from under the mattress, she scribbled furiously in purple ink. After a few minutes, Rogue looked down at her impromptu poem. Deciding that it was painfully pathetic, she ripped it from the notebook, crumpled it into a tight ball and tossed it across the room.
It was about the color of Scott's eyes. Her journal was full of similar rantings. She guessed the color to be a cross between a dark honey and a light mocha. She had decided a long time ago that the word brown could just not describe them properly. She wanted to ask him one day what color they were, but not anymore. Absently, Rogue wondered if Jean knew the color. She probably did. She probably knew a whole lot.
Burying her head under her pillows, Rogue wondered if they had slept together. Remembering the way they danced the night before, Rogue concluded that yes, they had. Giggling at the thought, Rogue went through a mental list. Scott and Jean, check. Kurt and Kitty, check, check. Xavier and Storm, definite check. Logan…..well, Logan was weird. Emerging from her pillow cave, Rogue thought about it a little harder.
One minute Logan was this zen-like monk, going on and on about meditation and chi's, the next minute he was a cigar smoking bad-ass itching for a fight. Yeah, he was by far the biggest check of them all. There was no way he was some sort a celibate monk. The guy practically exuded sexuality. Crinkling her nose at the thought, Rogue buried her head in her pillows again. It was unhealthy to think about old dudes having sex.
Looking up at the clock from under her pillow when she couldn't breath anymore, Rogue noticed the time. It was three-thirty. Almost time for her workout with said monk. Sighing heavily, Rogue pulled on her work out uniform and descended to the lower levels of the Mansion. It was the last thing she wanted to do, but the thought of Logan coming to get her again, spurred her on. Remembering the shower incident, Rogue sniffled.
The guy had so much nerve. The worst part was that she had played into him on several occasions. Hazy recollections of the porch scene, the shower, the time he stormed in the room, and now the Prom flashed through Rogue's mind. The worst part was that he had touched her every single time. It occurred to her that he knew an awful lot about her. More than anyone else at the Mansion. By the time Rogue reached Logan seated on the gym mat, she was terrified. He knew too much.
Logan stood up and quietly motioned for Rogue to take her place in front of him. Taking off her sweatshirt and her sneakers, Rogue reluctantly did what she was told. Ambling over to him, she was completely caught off guard when he reached out and felled her in one swift movement over his shoulder. Rogue gasped as she hit the mat with a thud.
"Oww, what the hell was that for?"
Logan loomed over her, "That was a flip. Today we'll work on flips and holds."
Rogue stared at him incredulously. Refusing the hand Logan offered, she scrambled to her feet.
"Ah don't hafta deal with this shit."
Turning to storm out, Rogue stopped dead in her tracks when she heard his response.
"I might not be there next time."
Swinging around, Rogue tightened her fists, "I don't need anybody's help!!"
Ruffling his wild hair with a bored look, Logan retorted, "Didn't look that way to me last night."
"That was…Ah'm leaving in two weeks, Ah'm not an X-Men, nor do Ah wanna be, so spare me your bullshit."
Placing her hands on her hips for effect, Rogue gave her best bad-ass look. Unimpressed, Logan snorted, "Until those two weeks are up, you're getting training. Xavier's orders. So shut your mouth and get over here."
Anger clouding her better judgement, Rogue pouted and said her words with deliberate hatred, "Ah'm not afraid of you or anything!"
Furious that she was being so stubborn, Logan angrily walked over and pointed his finger at her, "You are afraid of getting touched."
Gasping in shock, Rogue's blood ran cold and she stepped back from his looming presence. Her rebellious anger was instantly replaced with fear.
"Ah am not afraid of anything." The statement was a lot weaker than the first but Logan was angry.
"The fuck you're not. I smell it on you all the time."
Blinking furiously, Rogue winced at the sharpness in his tone. This was not a side of Logan she had ever seen before. She wanted to run but her legs would not cooperate. Temporarily frozen in place, she reverted to the coping mechanism that always kicked in when flight was not an option, she opted for denial. Closing her eyes tight, she put her hands to her ears and yelled.
"Ah'm not afraid of anything!!"
Pulling her hands from her ears, Logan repeated the truth that had buried itself deeply in Rogue in a low grumble.
"You are afraid of being touched."
His blood still throbbing in his ears and the adrenaline coursing through his body, Logan lost his composure and clasped his gloved hand to her neck. Snapping her eyes open, Rogue stared at him in amazement. It was the same way she had grabbed Guardian. A moan escaped her lips as his hand slid down her neck to her shoulder. Moving in close, Logan traced a finger down the neckline of her leotard from the shoulder seam down to the space between her breasts. Opening his hand, he hovered it over her chest when he looked up to see Rogue's terrified expression.
Realizing the inappropriateness of his action, he let go and took a step back. Rogue found the ability to move again and ran off barefoot. Distraught at his loss of control, Logan popped his claws and swiped at the punching bag to his right with a yell. Feeling the sand that filled the bag pour out onto his feet, Logan closed his eyes and steadied his breath. Retracting his claws, he knelt and began the process of regaining his balance. Within minutes, he had brought his body back from the brink off animalism and centered once more, set out to find Rogue. His need had done a great damage.
She was amazingly easy to find. Like the house she lived in before, her room had become a sanctuary of sorts. Locking the door and blocking the path with a night-table for added security, Rogue sequestered herself from the world. Sitting on the floor at the foot of the bed, she held her knees and cradled a bottle of bourbon she lifted from the liquor cabinet in the formal living room on the way up. Logan knocked on the door for a long time, eventually sitting down on the floor on the opposite side of it. Guilt ate at him and he apologized to the door profusely, unwilling to leave until she accepted.
Holding the neck of the bottle tightly, Rogue listened to his words without taking a drink. She was scared and furious, a dangerous combination of emotions that always led her to seek that perfect level of numbness that she craved from a bottle or some pills. She had survived living with Guardian, Avalanche, and Toad with that technique, but Rogue was in a different world. The X-Men were different. Logan was different. Maybe because he wasn't afraid to touch her. From day one on the Hutchinson Pass Bridge, Logan had willingly touched her, and never stopped since.
What made things more confusing is the realization that she enjoyed it. Crying in his arms had made her feel safe. What just occurred in the gym, had made her feel wanted. Shaking her head in always present denial, Rogue fought the feelings that the memory of his feel on her skin gave her. She was untouchable and she could, had, killed. Angry that her body refused to give upon the notion that it couldn't be touched, Rogue let the bottle she was holding fall to the wayside and curled up into a fetal ball. She let her tears escape her and cried for a good long time. Outside her door, Logan listened. When her sobs finally ceased, Logan began to tell his story to the door. Only Xavier had heard his story and it was with genuine friendship that he offered it to Rogue.
He told her of when he woke up naked in the snow fifteen years ago. Of stalking the forests of the Canadian Rockies like an animal for years. Of the slow realization that he was a man. Of the lives he took in blind, uncontrollable rages. Of wandering for a decade without a care other than himself. Of the daily quest to be numb and unfeeling. The story of Xavier finding him and helping him become human again. Of the purpose he's found in the halls of the Mansion and finally of his daily struggle to keep from reverting to the animal that killed and took without feeling.
At the end, Logan apologized once more and Rogue lay spellbound on the night-table with her back pressed against the door to hear him better. After a long stretch of silence, she got up and pushed the night-table out of the way, Unlocking the door with a final sniff, she cracked it open only far enough to see Logan's face looking up at her from the floor. Without a word she extended her hand and gave him the bottle of bourbon. He took it as the peace offering that it was, before getting up and walking down the hallway back to his room.
They avoided each other the following day, but Rogue appeared at the four o'clock work out session that Monday. They quietly worked on holds and fight techniques with the satisfaction that comes from knowing a person well enough to not say a word. This in turn lent willingness for Rogue to give the junior X-Men a try. She was far from becoming close friends with them, but at least she developed a passive truce with everyone. She hung around, they gave her space.
Graduation day came with much fan fare to Xavier's Mansion. The commencement ceremony was actually quite beautiful, if a little long. Storm, Logan and Xavier sat in the back of the school lawn and watched their five charges graduate with pride. Storm wore a wide white summer hat that made her the center of attention. Xavier beamed with pride and gave each of the kids a golden X on a chain to wear. Logan was low key in the background as always, but to everyone's shock had actually worn a shirt with his black jeans.
Afterwards they all returned to the Mansion, where they had a barbecue in celebration. Logan, who had traded his button down for a t-shirt at some point, was manning the grill while Kitty and Kurt danced on the deck, and Storm and Xavier chatted with Rogue, Scott and Jean about college choices. Rogue had little to say on the topic and eventually got up and went to sit on her own. Scott noticed and followed.
"Hey stranger."
Rogue blinked a little and fought the urge to move away from his proximity. She had reluctantly worn a long flowered halter dress. It was long enough to reach her shins, but the top was completely bare as it tied behind her neck. It was a graduation gift from the girls, so she couldn't refuse, but despite the opera length gloves, Rogue was a little jittery.
"Hey, we promised to be careful remember?" Scott offered his most charming smile.
Rogue smiled back and did relax a little. "Sorry, old habit."
Scott leaned back in the patio chair. "It's cool. That x looks nice on you."
Rogue offered him a sad smile, "Ah can't stay Scott."
Not wanting to relent the campaign he started a week ago, Scott continued to press. "You could take courses in the city. There's like a thousand schools in New York City. The Professor wants you to stay. We all do."
Looking up at his final words, Rogue shrugged her shoulders. The cold metal of her hoop earrings brushed on her bare shoulders. The unfamiliar feel made her pause for a second.
"Ah'm not sure."
Sighing in defeat, Scott rubbed his hands together and wondered if it was all his fault. "Just promise you'll come back to visit."
Looking over at Storm burst into laughter at something Xavier said in her ear, Rogue smiled and the looked down at her boots. "Sure Scott."
The tone in her voice told Scott she was just saying it for his benefit. Knowing that he could say nothing more to make her stay, Scott reached for Rogue's hand and brought it to his lips like that day in the hallway. Giving it a quick peck he got up and left. Rogue watched him walk away and for once felt relieved. Leaving was going to be harder than she imagined, but she had made good friends here.
Logan watched as Scott left Rogue on the deck. He found himself doing a lot of that. Watching her while she watched him, but it was all he could do. The last two weeks they had become quiet friends, and in his heart he hoped it would be enough. But his acute hearing had picked up their conversation clearly and it pained him to think that after everything was said and done, she was still leaving.
He was going to sit and talk to her when he heard their names being called. It was Storm, who wanted to take a group photo. Pilling the latest batch of ribs on a plate, Logan made his way to the table, where the others were assembling. Rogue was to his right and she offered him a warm smile. He reciprocated and surprised her by pulling her in close by the waist. She was still very much afraid of hurting others, but at least she didn't resist.
After the picture, everyone sat down to eat. Logan sat down across from Rogue. It was pleasant enough, but Rogue kept looking at her watch. In a moment that no-one except Logan noticed, she snuck back into the house and back to her room. Ignoring the uncomfortable feeling in her stomach, Rogue quickly pulled out the heavy duffel from her closet. She had packed the night before and pulling the duffel up on her bed, she opened the side zipper to withdraw a train ticket she had purchased with the Graduation money Xavier had given her.
Looking at it carefully, Rogue eventually tossed it to the side with a pang where it landed next to a white box. Noticing it for the first time, Rogue sat on her bed and opened it. Inside was a uniform and a note written in Xavier's elegant script. It simply read:
-Hoping you would change your mind.
Laughing sadly, Rogue questioned what made her think she could fool one of the most powerful psychics in the world. Taking the green and black uniform from the white box, Rogue wondered for the millionth time why she deserved the X-Men's friendship. Bringing the silky stretch uniform to her face, she held it up against her skin and smelled the newness in it.
Logan came upon Rogue when she was holding the uniform to her face. The sun was starting to set, washing the sky in an orangey color. It came in through the window, lighting the white streaks in Rogue's hair. Following the intricate tattooed tribal design across her upper back with his eyes, Logan smiled. Even when she wore a dress for Graduation, she made it all her own by flashing her tattoos and wearing her combat boots. At least she had laid off the black lipstick in exchange for the blood-red one lately. Chuckling to himself he wondered if she would ever let go of the nose-ring.
Hearing the laughter, Rogue put down the uniform and turned around startled. Logan turned faintly red at being caught, before walking in and taking his place by her on the bed. Not knowing what the other expected, they sat in silence until Rogue eventually spoke in a quiet whisper.
"Ah'm sorry."
Looking over, Logan nodded sadly and put an arm around her.
"Where to?"
"North."
She said it timidly and looking up at Logan, Rogue wondered what made it so that she always felt safe with him. She trusted him and it was pretty obvious that he didn't want her to go. Logan on his part just held on a little tighter. He himself left dozens of times before finally settling in at the Mansion, but life alone on the road was never easy. Especially for a girl. His girl. Surprised at the intensity of his feelings, Logan pulled back and stood up. Remembering all to well the intense moment they shared in the gym not too long ago, Rogue cleared her throat and fussed with her duffel. But Logan's words stopped her in mid action.
"Please stay."
Flustered, Rogue turned around to stare at him. At some point everyone at the Mansion had asked her to stay, but none with the resolve and frankness that Logan just had in two simple words. Mouth hanging open, Rogue was at a loss. Not sure if she had caught his meaning, Logan repeated,
"Stay."
Slightly numb, Rogue swallowed and wondered why her heart was racing. The air was charged and heavy with anticipation like when Logan touched her in the gym. Only this time she wasn't as scared. It occurred to Rogue that he had always made an effort to touch her, however insignificant it seemed. The thought seemed terribly unfair since she had never touched him. Struck with inspiration and more than a little boldness, Rogue reached out and cradled Logan's neck like he had done with her that day.
Rogue felt her satin gloves grated by the prickliness of Logan's beard, the warmness of his skin and the quickening of his heartbeat. Mesmerized by the sensation, she closed her eyes and moved her hand up to explore. Breathing shallowly, Logan reached up to cover her hand with his. Inching slightly forward he reciprocated by reaching to her face. The action made Rogue open her eyes, but he was protected by her hair. He brought her face up to his and Rogue felt a moment of panic when she realized that he was going to kiss her.
She went to move her hands, but he held them in place with his. The creaminess of her lipstick blocking the transfer, he kissed her lips ever so lightly. Rogue shuddered under the contact. The last time she was kissed, it nearly cost someone their life. It was her greatest fear and her greatest desire rolled into one. Logan knew this, and looking back down at her he smiled and so did she.
"Stay."
Hot under his gaze, Rogue searched in her heart again for the reason she wanted to leave. It was the same reason that tainted most of her decisions. She didn't belong. No body loved her. But looking across at the neck of Logan's t-shirt she was hit by an epiphany. Reaching into the collar with her black satin fingers, she pulled out a chain that Logan had tucked in his shirt. She had never noticed it before. Taking out the one that now hung around her neck and placing it side by side, something struck true within Rogue's ever-tempestuous soul.
"It's just like mine."
Logan looked at the golden Xs within a circle.
"Just like yours."
Looking up at him, Rogue let the X's slip through her fingers. She then smiled and encircled her arms around Logan's waist.
"Sure, why not."
Grinning broadly into her hair, Logan couldn't help but admit that he was in love with the girl. He had gotten the X around his neck five years before when he had finally let go of his demons and started living again. When Rogue reached for his face, it was meant the world to him. She was facing her fears and it proved that she was strong enough to someday become whole again too.
Sniffing and wiping at her tears, Rogue pushed away from Logan after a while. Feeling slightly embarrassed and vulnerable, she tucked her hair behind her ear and grinned.
"Ah'm so sick of cryin"
Logan took her ambivalence for residual work. He loved her and he could wait. It had to be at her pace.
"Let's tell the others then."
Pleased, Rogue blushed even harder and found Logan's hand. They walked in silence outside to join the others. It was one of things that they did really well. Silent understanding. The party on the patio had gotten a little cozier with the outdoor torches burning. Over champagne and cake, the X-Men welcomed their new member and celebrated into the night. Occasionally looking over at Logan's dark features in the flickering light, Rogue allowed herself the simple pleasure of knowing that she did belong and that with these people, she was even loved. Two very basic needs that were denied from her for so long.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Logan well-balanced? Rogue on XTC? Scott saying cool - five times? That's what you get when you cross evolution and movie 'verses. Drug use, some gore, language and sexual situations. NOT for the closed minded. This one's for Victoria, a great friend and an even better writer.