~You have hair here.
You have hair there.
You have hair everywhere.
It's not the hair Ah mind, per se;
It's the whiskers, sugar - they've gone astray.
They must be cut! You have to shave!
That stubble just simply will not behave.
It tickles, it prickles, it rubs me raw.
It covers your lip and most of your jaw.
You spread mah legs and head down south,
Then get me off with just your mouth.
This is good, and this is well -
But mah darlin' dear, it hurts like hell.
You have to shave, and here is why:
Ah think there's rug burn between mah thighs.
Would you, could you, for a beer?
Would you, could you? Tell me, dear.
**I would not, could not, for a beer.
I would not, could not, do you hear?
I like my whiskers, don't you see?
I like my stubble! You leave me be!
~Would you, could you, for a smoke?
Stop laughin', Logan, this ain't a joke.
**I would not, could not, for a smoke.
I would not, could not - this is a joke!
Darlin', a cigar's all nice and fine,
But I still ain't shavin' this fuzz o' mine.
~Look here now, Ah'll open mah shirt.
Don't gimme that look, Ah ain't tryin' to flirt.
Mah right breast is covered with bright red patches.
The left one, too.
**Well, at least it matches.
~You must shave, and use a blade.
Just... give the redness time to fade.
Would you, could you, for a blow?
Ah'll look up at you and go real slow.
**A blow job, you say? Hmm. Oh well.
I'll do it. I'll shave. It's just hair - what the hell.
Darlin', you know I'd do anything fer you.
Now get down on yer knees - right here will do.
Oh, that's it, baby, just lick it, like a cat.
Oh, fuck, Marie! Yeah, just like that.
I'll shave! I'll shave! From bottom to top!
Anything you want - just please don't stop!
~Ah do so love mah cooperative man.
Ah do, Ah love him...
Because God DAMN.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
A conversation on WRbeta about Dr Seuss and Logan's body hair ended up becoming this bizarre bit of poetry. I'm totally blaming Wolf and September for this thing.
~This is Rogue.
**This is Logan.
~This is Rogue.
**This is Logan.