She stood there; resting her head against the wall as she heard a screech of tyres that signalled Logan had gone.
Scott left her alone to get dressed. She could hear him outside on the phone. All she could think was what’s the point. “I know it doesn’t work Sir, but if you could at least get a general area it would help us. I… I know Sir but I think he’ll do something stupid this time. Yes sir. Yes, ok, thank you.”
Scott came back into the room. “I’m guessing you came with him, to keep him in cheek? Good job with that Scott!” She finished shoving her things back into her bag.
“Well you didn’t exactly help the situation did you.”
“Whatever.” She turned away from him and zipped up her bag.
“Look, there’s a car rental place over the road, I’ll get us a car. The Professor is going to try and give us a general area for him and then send ’Ro and Remy.”
She looked at him; all she could feel was her lip burning and her anger returning. “Why? Why would I want to go and look for him? He’ll get drunk, laid and be back home in a week.”
Scot shook his head. “Rogue, it’s all been a mistake, he didn’t cheat on you.”
“God he must have pulled out all the stops to get you on side.” She crossed her arm sin front of her chest and glared a him.
“Rogue, you found Pete and Anne in your room, not Logan! I didn’t believe him either, but the Professor checked his mind. He didn’t cheat on you. This is all a mistake!”
She took a step back and sat on he edge of the bed. “Oh God!” She began to sob, her heart aching and hurting as much as her head. “He didn’t …..” She stood up and shouted at Scott. “I ruined six months of my life for a mistake. I gave away everything, I took away his love for me and fucked up my whole life, for a mistake. He hates me and it’s all my fault. Oh God.” She wobbled on her feet.
Scott put his arms around her and she collapsed into him as she started sobbing uncontrollably. “Shh, it will be ok. We’ll find him.” She hated herself and the choices that she had made.
She carried on sobbing for about an hour and Scott was brilliant. He let her cry and whine. He even let her shout about and rant a little. Once she was finally gathered enough to be on her own for a little while, Scott went to get them a car. She went into the bathroom and washed her face.
Looking at herself in the mirror, she hated what she was seeing. Drawn out features, tired and sorrowful eyes and anguish in every small gesture, exactly the way he had looked. Drying her face she went back to Scott.
“Why are you helping me? All the shit I’ve caused.” She stood in the doorway looking at him.
“Because Rogue, I’m tired of this. I want my Friends back. Logan is an asshole, but he’s my friend and so are you. I want to go home, I want to go back to the point were my only worry is trying to convince Jubilee that my glasses don’t come in yellow.” He took her bag out of her hand; walked to the small car he had hired and put her bag in the back.
“Ok, but, I’m not waiting around any longer for the Professor to call. I say we go look for him now.”
Scott nodded. “Ok, he’ll want to get drunk, lets find a bar, a bad one, where he can sit in a corner and quietly drink himself into a coma.”
“Scott, he’ll want to get drunk alright and he’ll want to be in a rough bar, but as for sitting in a corner and quietly drinking himself into a coma, I don’t think so. He’ll look for a fight, so the rougher the better.”
They got in and he looked so upset and tired. They all did. Pulling onto the main road and turning out of town she knew she had to apologise to him.
“Scott, look, I’m sorry about what I said earlier, I was just trying to get a reaction. I wanted to hurt him.”
“You got a reaction aright. I have to say I never thought he would ever hit you. But the man just keeps on surprising me.”
“It’s not his fault. I pushed, I always do. You’ve heard us before, we’re world class at arguing. But I mean it, I’m sorry.”
“Rogue, you can’t throw that at him, it’s not fair. He lost the woman he loved, so did I. We both got over it and moved on. The only person who still has a problem with Jean is you. And it’s about time you let it go.”
“I don’t have a problem with Jean!” That’s not strictly true, but who cares.
“Then if you don’t have a problem with whatever Logan and Jean did or didn’t have, why the redhead comment?”
“Because I wanted him, all he wanted was her and all she wanted was you. A big unhappy family of lies. The only one of us that never had to worry was you, she would never have left you.”
Scott signed. “I wouldn’t have been so sure.”
“What do you mean?” He couldn’t possibly mean what she thought he did.
“Jean had an affair. Before we found you and Logan that’s why I was so on edge with him.”
“Who?” It was none of her business but she had to know.
“She was giving a four day science lecture at Trinity College in New York. I didn’t pay much attention to it, I was just happy she was happy. I went to pick her up on the last day and caught her and the College dean screwing on his desk. They didn’t see me and I never told her I knew. So yeah I know how it feels.”
“Jesus!” That was a shock, but somehow not an unexpected one.
“He could have had her if he wanted, she wouldn’t have thought twice about it. I know that. What kept him from doing it was you. That’s why we need to find him.”
She fell silent and he concentrated on driving towards the first rest stop that him and Logan had checked in the morning. All he kept thinking was if they didn’t find him before the night was out, they probably wouldn’t.
Logan drove away from the motel and away from the town and away from the woman he loved with what was left of his heart. He was angry, very angry and he hated himself.
He had hit her. The one thing in the whole world that meant something, the one person that he promised himself and everyone else to take care of. One stupid moment and it was all gone. He had hit her. He had ruined everything, lost his cool and fucked it all up. What he had, what he wanted, her. She was what he had and she was what he had wanted from the moment he had seen her in the stinking bar.
He cursed his darker side, the side of him that made him angry, the part of him that made her hurt and the part that had lashed out at her. At her for God sake. She was his saviour. She was his, period. And look what he had done to her, he had made her hate him
**“No. I don’t want anything from you, ever again.”** Her last words to him kept repeating him his head. She wanted nothing to do with him ever again. He had driven her away, made her hate him.
What the hell was he meant to without her, he would be lost and there was no point to anything anymore. He slammed his fist against the steering wheel and shouted at the windscreen. Looking around he spotted convenience store. Puling over and getting out, he slammed the door so hard that the whole SV shook.
He waked into the store and bought a bottle of Tequila and two of Jack Daniel’s. He threw the clerk two twenties, it wouldn’t have cost that much, but he was past caring by now.
He got back in the SUV and drove off towards the edge of town. He wanted to get drunk and forget what and asshole he was. The first dirt track he found off the main road, he raced up it and parked at the end in a clearing. Breaking the seal on the Tequila he drank about half the bottle in one breath.
He wound down the window and let in the scents of the world. He couldn’t smell anything past his own anger, hate and sorrow. For the first time in his life he wanted to cry, he wanted to open up his heart and burst. For her, it had all been a mistake.
He sat there and finished off the bottle of Tequila and lit up a cigar. The booze was having an effect but not the desired one. He now felt worse. He felt lost. That’s the trouble with drinking, if you want to forget about something don’t get drunk and don’t do it alone.
Chugging on his cigar he opened the first of the Jack Daniel’s and chugged on that instead. He was half way through when he felt dizzy the first time. He ran his had over his face and sniffed, he was happy it was a manly sniff and he would never admit that tear were the reason his face was wet.
He could smell her pale cinnamon skin, feel her soft hair on his fingertips and taste the sweetness of her lips. Knowing that the sensations he felt weren’t real he drank more, trying to erase the feeling of guilt and hurt from his mind.
Guilt because he hit her and hurt because she hated him now. **“No. I don’t want anything from you, ever again.”** Her voice rang out in his head again. He saw his hand fly and heard the sickening noise as it connected with her soft beautiful face.
Why? Why her? How could he? What the hell was wrong with him? He knew that he was an animal, a beast, a menace to normal people and he should be eradicated. He shouldn’t be allowed to be with decent people. People like is sweet beautiful Marie.
He should have stayed in those labs, been kept there like the digesting creature he was and he should have died there. He wasn’t worth it, he knew that now. He wanted to go back to Alkali Lake and drown himself in that horrific green tank that plagued his dreams and memories. Walk around like a ghost. Join Jean in her deep watery grave. But then he had been in that tank for prolonged periods of time and never drowned. He guessed he couldn’t die like that. He was covered in metal and it would have to melt.
He finished off the first bottle, tossing it in the back and opened the second. His reactions and movements were sluggish and didn’t contain his usual grace. That’s why he swore and growled when he spilt whiskey all down his front as he tried to take a swig.
Feeling a fresh wave of anguish and guilt was over him, he lit another cigar. He watched the flame of the match spark and flicker, then die out. Dropping the match he lit another one and watched in the same manner. Each time letting the it burn down to the tips of his fingers. It didn’t hurt, not really, it stung and he wasn’t sure if that was because of the drink or because of the pain he was already feeling in his chest.
They had been driving in silence when Scott’s phone rang. “Hello, no nothing. We stopped at a store and the clerk said he sold a big guy three bottles of alcohol, but had no idea which way he went. Well Gosh Jubilee, I never thought of trying to call him, of course I have. She’s fine. Sure…” he passed the phone in front of Rogue. “Its Jubilee, she wants to talk to you.” She signed and took the phone.
“Hi honey. Yeah I’m fine. I know I’m sorry but… I know he didn’t do anything. Jubilee I’ve been over this with Scott, ok, I’m not in the mood to go over it again.” She lent her arm on the window and rested her head in her hand.
“Jubes, its all my fault, I know that and I’m trying to make it right. I’m never going to run off again, ok, I promise, never again. Has the Professor come up with anything yet? Ok.” She began to cry again but silently. “Miss you too honey. We’ll find my stubborn man and be home before you know it. Ok, I’ll tell him. Thanks. Bye.”
She passed the phone back to Scott. “She said Xavier is still looking. She said she feels sorry for you stuck in the middle of us two.”
“I’m always stuck in the middle of someone.” He sounded resentful and she felt guilty again. “Look, more seriously, he hit you. I know you want to find him, I do too, but you have to consider the fact that, if he does it once he could do it again.”
“Scott, have you forgotten the fact that I can drop him in a heartbeat? One flick of my mutation and the man is on his knees. He won’t do that again. The look on his face told me that.”
“I’m glad you think like that, I’m not so sure, he’s never exactly stable when it comes to you. When we all get home, I think it needs to be addressed.”
“Scott, I’m sure! He’ll kill himself before he’d hurt me again. I’m sorry, for all this.” He put his hand on her leg and squeezed slightly, smiling at her.
“Not your fault. Don’t worry about Jubes she’s just annoyed I’m not at home.” Rogue thought that was a funny thing to say. Why would Jubes want him at home?
“Are you and Jubilee…? An item?” He smiled and glanced at her quickly, that would explain his comment about the glasses earlier.
Shrugging shyly he blushed. “Kind of, we, um, ended up in bed and seem to, um, keep ending up there.” He glanced at her again.
“Oh my Gawd, you and Jubilee. That’s just strange!” He laughed gently.
“Strange but true and actually very nice. And I have to say it Rogue, this whole thing with you and Logan, kind of makes me realise life if to short, too harsh and too crap at times to ignore a good thing when its thrown at you!”
“I know Scott. That’s why we have to find him. So I can tell him I love him.”
Logan watched the flame again, right up until it died at his fingertips. He could smell the alcohol in the car and on his shirt. It would burn, his shirt would burn and so would his bones. He took another swig from the bottle and with a load snarl threw it at the passenger door. It shattered and spread whiskey all over the interior of the car. Some glass had cut his hand, be brushed it off and his hand healed over.
“I always heal. Well not from her.” He lit another match and threw it in the same direction as he had thrown the bottle. The match stayed alight and it flickered brighter as it caught some of the whiskey spreading over the material of the door.
It spread past the door and over the seat, dancing across the car floor and licking at the dashboard. The fire spread into the back seat and Logan put his window up locking in the smoke and flames. The whoosh of the fire as it spread was the only sound as Logan closed his eyes, letting the smoke fill his lungs and the sorrow, pain and self-disgust in his heart melt along with the metal of his bones.
Rogue was staring out of the window as they came round the corner in the road. Scott could see smoke rising above a small clump of tress. “What’s that over there?” She looked at the pillar of smoke and back at Scott. “You don’t think?” All the colour drained from her face.
“He wouldn’t? Would he? Scott GO!” He turned the wheel and screeched along the dirt road.
As the burning SUV came into view Rogue was already taking off her seatbelt. “NO! no no no no no!” She threw open the door and moved around the front of the car.
“LOGAN!” Scott was out the car just in time to catch her around the waist and stop her from running to the SUV. Just as he caught her, the engine caught fire and the hood exploded into the sky.
She knew she was screaming his name “LOGAN!” but she couldn’t hear anything past the fire, past her pulse in her ears, past the pain in her own voice and her silent plea for this not to be happening. Her world pulled into slow motion as she watched the car burn. The hood came down to earth with a load crash and she screamed even more.
Scott was holding her and she didn’t have enough strength to get away from him. Deadly mutation forgotten, she couldn’t get away and unsure of what she would do even if she could. She gave up and fell backwards onto Scott screaming the name of the man she loved, adored and would never see again.
Scott held onto her. He didn’t know what else to do. He knew that the others could be on their way, but he had no idea how far away they were, the Professor hadn’t called and chances were they had no idea where they were.
They would be too late. They would be lost, Logan would be lost and ultimately so would Rogue.
**********************END OF PART FOUR
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