“Logan! You can’t leave God Damn it!” I screamed at him as I throw one of my black boots up against the wall. Tears spilling down my face as I try to convince him not to leave me this time. He just looks at me with those eyes filled with regret and grabs his duffel bag and turns to walk out of our room.
“If you walk out that door, then don’t even bother coming back!” I scream at him, hoping against hope that this time he will take my threat seriously and won’t leave on some stupid quest trying to find the past he just can’t remember. He stops for a moment, considering what I’ve said, unfortunately for him he doesn’t seem to believe me and sighs and yanks open the door.
I just sit there on the floor, tears running down my face. Not believing that once again he left me for some stupid lead that the Professor had found for him. I wrap my arms around my legs and continue to cry into my lap. Ever since Jean died, Logan has been leaving time and time again in search of his long lost past. At first I didn’t mind too much, I figured it was just his way of mourning Jeans death and that eventually it would stop. I was wrong, instead it just got worse. Now instead of leaving for a few days a week maybe, he leaves for months at a time, and I personally can’t stand the looks from all of the people in this house. It’s just too much to bear any more.
“Rogue? Are you okay?” It happens every time, Logan leaves and Scott helps me pick up the pieces. It took Scott nearly a year to get over his wife’s death, but he finally over come it, accepted it to say the least.
“I told him that if he left this time….” I paused, the knowledge of what Logan’s leaving really meant. But I continued to tell Scott anyways, “I told him, if he left this time there was no coming back. I can’t do this anymore Scott. I mean look at me! I’m a complete mess and he doesn’t even give a flying fuck!” I almost scream my last sentences at him, I’m so angry I just want to take it out on someone, any one.
“I know this is not what you want to hear, but I’m glade you finally had the courage to do it. He’s a bastard Marie. He only cares about himself,” I silent tears start to roll down my cheeks, he’s right. I am a coward and he is a bastard.
“He cared about Jean, I guess he only ever truly loved her!” and then I starting crying historically again into Scott’s shirt making wet spots as I cried into his shoulder.
“It doesn’t matter now, she’s….she’s gone and there’s nothing any one can do about it,” those words coming out of his mouth made me realize who I was talking to. He didn’t even deny the fact that Logan loved Jean more than me.
“What am I going to do Scott?” I asked looking up in to his ruby covered glasses, the tears had stopped but my face stilled carried the trails they left behind.
“Accept it and move on,” his voice was cold as he said it, but I only nodded knowing he was right. I couldn’t make Logan stop loving Jean and start loving me, even if she was dead or not.
Scott helped me up from my sitting position and led me to my bathroom. He turned on the tub and filled it with hot water and the bubble bath mixture that sat on the side. In the past year and a half that Logan and I had been together, Scott would always pick me up after Logan would leave. It became almost a ritual for us; sometimes I hated the fact that Scott had to pick me at all. But I cherished the moments. I undressed and slowly placed my self in the warm bath, leaning my head up against the porcelain edge. I closed my eyes for a moment and then opened them. Scott was sitting on the toilet watching me.
“So how did you get over it?” I asked him, he seemingly knowing what I was talking about, scrunched up his eyebrows and frowned slightly.
“I guess it was just easier for me because I know she’s gone and won’t be coming back. For you, it won’t be because he will always come back and he will be a constant reminder of what you lost,” Scott stated sadly as he looked at me.
“You can’t lose something Scott if you’ve never had it at all,” we both sighed knowing it was the truth. I never really had Logan, I just had an outline of what I had hoped was for real.
“I want you to up my Danger Room sessions, I’m tired of being afraid all the time, of being weak.” It was a statement not a request and Scott just nodded his reply, knowing it was just part of the healing process.
“I’ll add another three hour session in the Danger Room at six tomorrow morning, anything else,” he added.
“Yea can you find me an empty room; this one is too big for me. I think it’s kinda silly for a single girl to have a couple’s suite, don’t ya think?” I asked him with a small smile, you know I’m kinda starting to like this. It’s time for a change.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Well, I'm starting to wonder if maybe I like Angst too much. I also think I'm starting to see a pattern in my writting. Logan leaves, Rogue cries and then someone helps her get better. Egh! I think I should CHANGE (haha play on words) that!