"The least they could do is be subtle about it. But no, that would be just too much to ask."
Pushing his red shades back up on his nose, Scott gave Remy a weary glance as their respective better halves giggled excitedly over on the front porch swing. They were supposedly looking through some magazine, but it was no secret that they were waiting for him. Scott visibly grimaced at the idea and went back to fussing with the repair manual. Remy wiped his greasy hands and laughed at his expression.
"Don't worry, homme, dey just have a crush."
Scott smirked and thumbed through the repair manual halfheartedly before tossing it to the ground a little too forcefully.
"Yeah, I bet."
At that, Logan looked up. He tuned out the other two easily enough all morning. It was enough that they worked together, no need to push it, but that statement begged for an explanation. Dropping the toothbrush he was cleaning an engine part with to the cloth spread out on the grass, he turned to face the Cajun.
"Who's got a crush?"
Remy grinned at Logan and figured a break was in order. He motioned to Ororo, Marie, and Jean sitting together on the porch swing and ambled over to the cooler.
"De ladies, dey waiting for Mr. Money Bags."
Logan raised an eyebrow and looked over at the three from across the lawn. It wasn't unusual that on Sundays they participated in their little gabfests while they watched the men work and the kids play in the yard. Noting unusual there.
"What the hell does that mean?"
Scott shrugged dejectedly and sat down on the grass with a beer. Logan extended a hand and caught the one Remy threw at him. An unofficial break was officially in progress.
"Isn't it obvious? They've been sitting there all morning waiting and that's all they ever talk about."
Logan took a long drink and looked over at the ladies in question again. Giggling, chatting and fussing like always.
"I don't think so, One-eye."
Remy felt along his front t-shirt pocket for his pack of cigarettes.
"'Fraid so, homme. You haven't been paying attention to your belle."
Logan glared at the familiar teasing and pointed a finger at him.
"She's like my sister, asshole. Do I have to gut you to make you understand that?"
Remy threw his hands up in defeat with the cigarette hanging from his lips.
"Hey, just sayin'."
Logan drained the rest of his beer and went for another. Remy threw it to him from where he was leaning against the cooler smoking and the three men silently focused across the lawn to the swing on the porch of the Mansion.
Without being aware of it, Logan's gaze settled on Marie. So maybe she was acting a little more giggly than usual lately, but that didn't mean anything. And even though he found it odd that she was wearing a little summer dress over her bodystocking, which she normally hated, that didn't necessarily mean anything either. But then it occurred to him. Something was off. He sat up a little and looked her over from afar. The hair was up, the gloves were new, some lipstick and………oh shit. Logan growled as he dropped the beer he was holding.
"Why the fuck isn't she wearing my tags??"
Scott up righted the beer Logan dropped before it soaked everything they had cleaned so far and smirked at Remy who drank on as his point was proven.
"She hasn't worn them since that George Clooney wannabe came to drop it off, Logan. You really don't notice anything do you?"
Logan swung around to face the fearless leader with claws a centimeter out of his hands.
"What the fuck does that mean? Why didn't……"
"You notice? Like Remy said, you're not paying attention to your petit."
Logan glared at the Cajun, the claws now a full inch out of his skin.
"You shut the fuck up, Gumbo. She's……."
"Like a sister, we know, we know. Maybe if you tell yourself that a few more thousand times, you'll start believing it too."
Logan stared at Scott, who didn't show a hint of fear and instead kept staring at the women on the porch. All of a sudden neither of the assholes was afraid of him? And as if that wasn't enough, Remy burst into laughter. Not sure what to think, Logan stood up.
"Fuck both of you, she doesn't have a crush on anybody and I'm gonna ask her to prove it to you......assholes."
That said, Logan turned fully prepared to get to the bottom of why Marie wasn't wearing his tags in less than a minute, when as if on cue, Marie looked up and waved timidly at him. Logan smiled at her stiffly and a little embarrassed at being caught staring, waved gingerly back at her. She did look great and suddenly queasy at the thought that after three years, Marie might have actually outgrown the need for his friendship, Logan hesitated. Exchanging an amused glance with Scott, Remy lit another cigarette.
"Don't do it, she'll never let you live it down, homme."
Swept with insecurity, Logan fought with himself over what to do. He looked across to the porch and caught Marie's laughter as it sailed across the lawn to him. She did look different. Very different and very unlike what she normally looked like. When exactly did that happen?
"Remy's right, Logan."
Grimacing at the smugness in Scott's voice, Logan turned stiffly and plopped back down again where the Blackbird's guts were being systematically cleaned and inspected. Feeling like he should break something, but confused beyond words, Logan growled.
"So what the fuck am I supposed to do? Just let her get all made up and shit over that conceited asshole?"
Simultaneously, both Remy and Scott answered with a resounding, "Yes." Logan threw them a murderous look.
"And you don't care that Jeannie and `Ro feel that way?"
Remy shrugged as he flicked his ashes on the grass.
"Oh trust me, Remy want to hurt the guy, but it'll just make things worse."
Scott looked across the lawn and nodded in agreement.
"Definitely. First she'll accuse you of being an animal, then of being jealous, then hit you with the whole `insecure' psych bit. Predictable."
Logan looked at the two men in complete confusion. It seemed everything he swore he knew of them was being uprooted. Even Marie was a sudden mystery. At that thought, he snapped his head back at the porch swing. She was idly sipping on her juice and twirling a loose strand of hair in her gloved fingers. The image of her red lips around the straw made him suddenly thirsty. Suppressing a grumble, Logan turned to his musing companions.
"So what the hell can we do?"
Again, the answer came in unison.
"Nothing."
Clenching his jaw tightly, Logan was about to respond, when a sudden wind kicked up everything around them. Looking up at the low whirl of sound that accompanied it, the three men inwardly cursed when they recognized the unmistakable emblem that was attached to everything Batman owned. Scott looked at his wristwatch in annoyance.
"He's exactly on time."
Remy chuckled and Logan growled. Sensing he was just a second away from outright homicide, Scott clamped down on Logan's arm.
"Don't."
Logan tore his gaze from where the small Batwing jet landed.
"But…"
Remy snubbed out his third and final cigarette and added his voice to reason.
"The petit will never forgive you, if you do."
Logan looked back at the compact jet as it hovered and landed on the basketball courts. Already, the kids were running to him from every direction. To make things worse, Marie, Jean and Ororo were on their feet and leaning off the porch railing like god himself decided to make a house visit. Feeling Logan's growl increase when the hangar door opened and the hated interloper stepped out, Scott took a deep sigh and straightened out.
"Might as well get it over with."
Logan snapped his head to him with questioning eyebrows.
"Why do you get to go?"
Scott wiped his hands on his coveralls and answered without taking his eyes off the tall man as he approached the Mansion among a throng of crowding students. And he could have been wrong, but the dick was actually signing autographs for the younger kids. Talk about superhero worship.
"I got the keys, fearless leader remember?"
Logan shook his head and tossed his final can of beer.
"Fuck that, if you go, I'm going."
To Scott's non-surprise, Remy stood up and agreed.
"Den let's go."
Scott sighed again and since he knew it wouldn't do any good to argue, he started walking to their most hated rival. Remy and Logan fell into step alongside him and watching them try to plaster on their most fearsome faces, he added.
"Just remember, stay cool and no hurting the little prick or the girls will chew us up over it from here to eternity."
He got grunts of approval and knowing they didn't hear a word he said, since said prick was talking to said girls on the porch already, Scott pulled ahead and approached the interloper with his most phony smile.
"Bruce, how they hanging?"
Too enthralled by Bruce Wayne's luminous smile to have noticed Scott, Remy and Logan approach, Marie, Ororo and Jean looked at their respective companions in surprise. Not missing a beat, Bruce offered his hand to Scott, never taking his eyes off the women.
"Quite well, Scott, I assure you."
Fighting hard not to break his own advice, Scott crushed Bruce's hand in his and to feel a little better, actually smacked his back, smearing grease on the expensive suit. Bruce raised an eyebrow at the ruination of his favorite suit but kept his smile up.
"I see that you've been working on the Blackbird, ever hope to get that thing back in the air?"
Scott grinded his teeth through his smile.
"It'll be up and better than before soon enough, Bruce, it's just that we don't have a little old butler to fix our equipment for us. So thanks for the favor and here are the keys."
Catching them in mid air, Bruce put them into his jacket pocket with a smirk. He was about to respond, but Jean spoke up first. Having countless years to recognize jealousy in her husband, Jean flashed Scott a murdering look and quickly stepped forward.
"Mr. Wayne, would you like to stay for lunch?"
Hanging by her side, Ororo added, "Or just coffee if you wish."
"Please, call me Bruce."
Remy huffed from were he was sprawled out on the porch swing smoking again. Marie was sitting on it next to him, having caught Logan's potential for violence the minute he stepped on the deck. She was fiddling with her gloves, but knew that Logan was staring intensely at her. Bruce, ever observant as always, caught this and graciously stepped away from Scott and offered both Ororo and Jean his arm and a charming smile.
"I have business to attend to in Gotham, but I would be honored. Of course, it would be even better if the lovely Rogue joined us as well."
At the sound of her name, Marie looked up with a blush as all eyes were suddenly on her, but before she could answer, Logan stepped forward from where he was leaning in the far corner and growled out at the dapper, young billionaire.
"Hell no, she's……"
"Lo-gan!"
Logan snapped his heated gaze from the man every criminal in Gotham feared and every woman wanted, to meet Marie's large brown eyes. He took half a second to realize how angry she was. In the background, Remy and Scott rolled their eyes, knowing it was futile to have hoped Logan could behave. Without taking her gaze off Logan, Marie spoke up plaintively.
"Ah'd love to, Mr. Wayne, let's go."
The Batman grinned wider and taking his arm with her gloved one, Marie turned on her heel and walked inside. The other two women gave their significant others disappointed looks.
"Please, call me Bruce."
Logan watched in utter shock as Marie walked into Mansion arm in arm with what he considered a walking, talking threat to his most important relationship in the whole wide world with awe. He kept staring at the door long after it had closed.
"Remy told you, homme, you shouldn't have done it."
Scott settled down on the porch swing next to Remy and threaded his greasy hands into his sandy colored hair.
"And now we all have to put up with the insecurity bit for weeks to come. Thanks so much."
Logan turned to look at his teammates and shuffled over to the bench dejectedly.
"How could she?"
Scott shook his head in amazement. Normally he'd get a kick out of seeing Logan miserable, but somehow they were all in the same boat on this one.
"It's not like she's in love with the guy."
Logan turned and growled at Scott and for the second time that day, the fearless leader did not look impressed. That only depressed him more.
"Yeah, like Remy said before, it's just a crush."
Logan shook his head as if trying to clear the image stuck in it.
"She shouldn't be with anyone but…"
"You? Kinda deep if she's only like a sister……"
"Shut the hell up Scooter, so maybe it's more, but that doesn't mean she could go off and make eyes at someone else, especially that asshole."
To everyone's surprise, Scott burst into laughter.
"He is a jerk isn't he?"
Remy let a perfect circle of smoke escape his lips.
"He is so full of himself."
"And that brooding, loner, playboy image really is tired. And don't get me started on the bat thing. I mean, we have a few X's here and there, but he takes the bat thing a bit too far."
At that, Logan snorted. "Bat-car, bat-phone, bat-cave, bat-bike, what the fuck else?"
The three greasy, sweaty x-men chuckled.
"Tha part Remy don' get is Robin."
The chuckling turned into outright laughter as the image of Bruce Wayne and his sidekick sprung to mind. With tears in his eyes, Scott added,
"And that damned rubber suit! I mean, it even has ears and nipples."
The laughter increased enough that a few of the kids still looking at the Batwing on the courts looked up to the three X-men as if they had lost their minds.
"You know One-eye, I always hated our leather suits, but shit, at least they're cooler than the bat-freaks."
The men laughed a little more at the expense of Gotham's resident hero until a disturbing thought occurred to them. It had escaped them until now, but highlighting what was wrong with the guy, begged the question, was he still better than them? The laughter died slowly and after a minute of dead silence, Scott spoke up.
"If he's so corny, then why does every woman out there like him so much?"
Remy flicked his ashes thoughtfully and Logan grumbled deep in his chest.
"More importantly, why do our women like him so damn much?"
That statement preceded several more moments of silence.
"Maybe we need to pay more attention to the belles, no?"
"Maybe." Scott picked at the black under his fingernails tiredly, "Some of us may even want to acknowledge our belle to begin with, huh Logan?"
Logan rolled his eyes and picked at a bit of chipped paint from the porch swing armrest.
"Fuck you, One-eye. I don't like to rush things. I don't need to loose Marie over a fucked up relationship."
Logan thought that over and wondered if he was losing her already. She never put on a dress and lipstick to eat with him. And why the hell would she if he never took her out to begin with? For once it occurred to him that she might need more than chips and beer on the couch with him.
"I guess, Remy don' make things easy on de goddess neither."
Scott snorted ruefully.
"Well, duh. You practically hit on anything that moves. She's bound to get tied, I just don't see what Jean can complain about, we've had a great relationship for the past twelve years an……what?"
Logan and Remy smirked at each other and shook their heads. Scott looked from one to the other on either side of him.
"What?"
"Well, that's it homme. It's been many years. Things get dull after so long. A little atten……"
"Yeah, you're one to talk, Remy, maybe I should flirt with everyone I see that way……"
"The Cajun's right."
Both Scott and Remy turned to look at Logan, who was still fascinated by the swing paint.
"It's attention. That's what they see in that jerk. He doesn't stop looking at them for a second and that's what we don't do. You, One-eye, don't bother romancing Jean anymore, and you, Gumbo, charm everyone but `Ro, and I, well I`ve taken advantage that Marie's always there for years. They need to be recognized and appreciated and that jerk knows it."
Shocked that Logan said something so insightful and shocked that it actually made sense, Remy and Scott stayed silent while they processed what it all meant. The three stood on the swinging bench in silence until the voices from inside caught their attention. Logan heard better than anyone else, so the other two looked at him for clarification.
"He's leaving. Something about Joker. But he's lying. I could tell."
Scott thought that over.
"We should go too. We have work to do."
Logan and Remy caught his meaning and immediately turned their thoughts to how they could win back their women.
"What about the Blackbird, homme?"
Scott shrugged, stood up and stretched his arms.
"It could wait. I'll just tell the batfreak we need to keep his spare jet an extra few days. No big deal since he has our hovercraft anyway. I just know he probably plastered it with bats or something. The guy has a serious problem."
"That'll only mean he gets to come back, homme."
Logan stood up and raised an eyebrow at Remy.
"Then I'll make sure by then Marie won't even remember his goddamn name."
Both Scott and Remy smirked and for a brief moment all differences were forgotten between the three friends. With silent, mischievous understanding, they all headed in different directions intent on showing their partners exactly how much they were loved.
Scott went to find Bobby and Kurt, his best mechanics students, to finish polishing the pieces of the Blackbird in an exchange for an exemption from the next surprise test. Confident they wouldn't screw up with an incentive that tasty, he then went to ask the Professor for a week long break for him and Jean for an impromptu vacation to the Caribbean. Scott typically planned itineraries for weeks, but for once he was going to be impulsive. Jean always wanted to go and when better than when she wasn't expecting it?
Remy went straight to the Batwing and stole the bat emblems off it before Bruce came out. Paying the small kids $20 to delay him with autographs and adoration, he made it just in the nick of time. Someone that rich could afford it and he really did take the bat thing too far anyway. Next, he went to call his bookie friend who owed him a favor. No one was more romantic than Rembrant Lebeau and with his friend's sailboat, five dozen roses and a string quartet, he was going to prove it to his goddess with a sunset cruise once and for all.
That left Logan and romance was not his specialty, sex was and he figured it was high time he and Marie were having it. Stopping off at his room to take a quick shower and put on the closest thing he had to a decent looking shirt, he went up to Ororo's rooftop garden and picked a flower. He wasn't sure which Marie liked best, but he chose one that smelled like the perfume she wore and that was good enough.
Going straight to her room, where she was informing Jubilee that Scott had apparently gone mad and whisked Jean away, he gave her the flower and grabbed her hand to lead her out. Still pissed at him, Marie resisted, but he was much bigger so she really had no choice. Once in the hallway, Logan told her he loved her, that she was his and he was going to stop being a dick and show her how much. Taking advantage of her shock, Logan kissed Marie through her scarf and asked if she was hungry.
Marie was too numb to respond, but they ended up on his bike on their way to a five star restaurant which allowed Logan to dine without a jacket once he showed them his claws and later a hotel where they kept the other residents up all night with all sorts of growling and moaning.
As promised, none of the X-women could remember Bruce Wayne's name that night.
The Wolverine & Rogue Fanfiction Archive
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Dedicated to those that liked '24' and wanted more lunchtime ficlets to nibble on. To BW fans - I apologize in advance. Serious warpage of your hero lies ahead.