Rogue
Dear Diary,
Sometimes I think it would have been better for everyone if I never would have been born.
The Professor tries to tell me that we cannot help what we are but sometimes I wish I could. Maybe then I could have been what my parents wanted. Instead I have the memory of my father telling me that I wasn't his daughter, that he didn't have a daughter anymore. And I wouldn't remember my momma crying because I was a freak. If I was normal, I would be able to touch without killing. But I am not normal.
I am deadly.
Lethal.
I kill all that I touch. Bobby had just been trying to help me. He knew that I had nightmares. He never learned from my mistake with Logan. So when he heard me calling out in my sleep, he tried to wake me.
And I grabbed him.
I can still remember the feel of his skin touching mine, his memories flooding my mind. I remember screaming when I realised what was happening. But it was too late. He's gone.
And I sit here, alone, no one coming near me because they're all afraid now. I just wish.....
I wish Logan was here. I don't know how much more of this life I can take. The Professor tells me that I have to stop blaming myself, that it was an accident. But I see the look in their eyes when they pass me.
Fear.
Blame.
They all blame me for his death. Poor Bobby, who I now know loved me, that he wanted to be my knight in shining armor. He wanted to be the one to touch me. And he did. And now he's in my head. I'm so cold all the time. The Professor says that it will pass as I learn control. But I don't know if I want it to. As long as I am cold, he's still alive in a way.
Oh, I wish Logan was here. He wouldn't be afraid of me. He survived me. The only one ever to do that. Maybe he would take me from here. Take me north again, where my clothes don't seem so odd. Where no one will look at me with fear.
Please Logan, come back. I don't know how much longer I can hold on to myself.
Rogue
Logan
First off, just saying that I do NOT want to be doing this. It's a sissy thing to do but Wheels seems to think that it will help. Help what I don't know since the kid is dead and Marie's locked up inside herself again.
Dammit!
If only I had been faster! She didn't realise what was happening and if I hadn't gotten soft and paid attention, I would have caught his scent long before he touched her. Now, I get to share a bunk with IcyPop boy in Marie's Rooming House of a brain.
Wheels seems to think that Marie writin' down her feelings is going to help. Well, if it will help Marie, I'll do it. But if Scooter says one thing about this, I'll find a way to gut him!
It's starting to get loud in here. Sometimes I can hardly hear Marie anymore. I try to shut them up but there's only so much I can do. I mean, I know I am not really in here. The real me ran off like a coward after the whole statue deal. But I feel real, and the others talk to me like I am real. Even IcyPop.
Have to say that I would rather not be in here. Even with the great view I get when Marie's in the shower. And kid, since I know you will probably read this later, I got to tell you since Chickenshit never would, you are one hot little number. So hot in fact that I can almost ignore the fact that I feel like some weird tranvestite whenever you look in the mirror. I think male but see female. But what a lovely female at that!
MetalMan is trying to push me out. Wants to have his say. So I am going to end this. But I want to say one more thing.
Marie, you hold on. I'm trying to find you. Trying to get to you. You just hold on.
Logan
Erik
You always did like to get things written down, didn't you old friend? Is that why you have asked us to do this futile exercise? The barbarian is right. There is very little that we can do. The boy is among us now.
She's fragile in many ways. She has so much trouble quieting us since the incident. I don't believe that she is trying very hard though. She seems to prefer the dark recesses of her psyche. And we like it that she does since it gives us more freedom.
The wildman tries to quiet us, tries to get her out of hiding, but he will not succeed. She doesn't want to come out of hiding. And we are getting too loud. Did you know about her young man David?
He reminds me of the camps. He provides a constant background of hate. I rather like him sometimes. If only he had been on our side. But these things cannot be changed.
The one interesting factor is our latest addition. He doesn't seem to realise that he is dead. He seems to be under the impression that he is merely lost. I think it is his voice calling out for help that drives her away the most. She is hiding from her guilt.
Well, I think I have said all that I have to say. I will leave you with this thought. The girl you call Rogue is nearly gone. You are running out of time,Charles.
Erik
David
I know that that Erik guy said that I hate Marie. And I do. I mean, I was only 16 and she nearly sucked the life out of me. Now a part of me is trapped in here. Who wouldn't be mad?
That Logan dude really pisses me off. He comes in here, saying that I got to shut up and stop being mean. Who the fuck is he to tell me how to act? I never asked to be in here.
What I want to know is, why is it she gets to act like the victim? All of us here... SHE hurt us! She walked away....we didn't. I want to know why I should be made to feel like the bad guy? Christ! I was 16! She put me in a coma for weeks!!!
She's a freak. And I hate her. I HATE HER!! She should have just did the world a favor and ended this long ago. And that Professor guy, the one that gave us this journal to write in, he thinks that I should forgive her. No, actually he said she had to forgive herself since we are actually a part of her.
She doesn't deserve forgiveness. Especially now. She's killed now. What's to stop her from doing it again? Do us a favor, freak. Jump off the roof!
David
Logan's Return
He came back. Logan. Just showed up today. Said "Missed me, kid?" and I fell to pieces. I think I hugged him and cried for about 20 minutes before he managed to get my face out of the front of his shirt. Asked me what happened, and I couldn't look at him.
I tried to blow it off, say that I was just happy he was back. But he knew. And since I couldn't face him, I smiled and said that I had class but would see him later.
I headed toward the classrooms, but once out of sight I went straight to my room, trying to pull myself together. I had to tell him what happened but was afraid to see the same blame in his eyes. As I went down the hall, I heard voices coming from his room.
Jean.
I shouldn't have let it bother me. I should have known that he would find her. I still had the memory of the attraction he had for her. But instead, I stopped in a moment of jealousy, hoping to hear more. Hearing him say that he had come back because he couldn't stand to be away any longer, I felt my heart freeze and break. Wanting only to run, I discovered that my heart wasn't the only thing frozen. The entire hall was covered in frost.
A sudden reminder of the fact that I am a killer. I stared at what I had done, never hearing him open his door. I turned, and saw shock in his eyes. He had expected to see Bobby but instead saw me. I couldn't face any questions, so I ran. Must have more of him in me then I thought.
Later, as I sat on my bed, not bothering to go down to supper, a knock came on my bedroom door. I was set to ignore it when his voice called out to me. I hadn't expected him to find me so fast. I had a new room since the incident with Bobby but he must of followed my scent. Curling up into a ball on the bed, I turned my back to the door.
He kept knocking. Said he knew that I was in there, that he had been looking for me and now that he had found me he wasn't leaving till we talked. I just curled up even tighter. The sound of the door breaking took me by surprise though.
Sitting up quickly, I threw out a hand in defense. I don't know why, I know that Logan would never hurt me, just instinct I guess. A wall of ice flew at him. He managed to move out of the way thanks to his reflexes but I had effectively blocked the door.
His eyes moved from the frozen barricade and me. Then with a smirk, he told me that if I had wanted us to be alone, I could have just said something. Lowering my face into my hands, I refused to look at him. He sat down next to me and just said:
"Tell me"
And for the next hour I did. Everything. About that night, about my diary, and about earlier. And when it was all over, and I had finished crying, he just held me.
Now, I am sitting here, writing this entry. Not sure of what's going to happen next, but suddenly not afraid of it happening. Logan doesn't hate me, doesn't blame me. I can face anything now.
Logan's back.
Rogue
Bobby
They tell me that I am dead. That Rogue killed me the night that I tried to wake her from a nightmare. And even though they all think that I don't realise it, I know that it's true.
I know that when I see my friends, that they are really seeing Rogue. And I know that she blames herself, and that she thinks others do too.
But I don't.
I don't blame you, Rogue. I was the one that was careless. I was the one that reached out to touch you, to wake you. My only mistake was forgetting the lesson you learned with Logan.
I know what you think about when you are all alone. And you're wrong. You do deserve to be loved. And you are. Since I have been in here, I have found that the love I had for you when I was alive is nothing compared to the love that Logan has for you. He would do anything to make you happy, to see you smile again.
I don't want you blaming yourself anymore. Don't listen to David. He's wrong. You are not a killer. Don't ever think that. Please Rogue, for me, please stop hiding and live again.
Your voice is so quiet in here, yet this is your mind. You are the one it belongs to, so tell the rest of us to shut the hell up already, would you? Take control of your mind again. You can start slow if you want. Get rid of David first. Then Magneto. Mr. I know all is really starting to piss me off. Come on. Fight them.
The Professor said at one of our meetings that you have to incorporate each of us with in you. Take our strengths that can help you and throw the rest away. Come on...If you do it, I'll even help you make another ice rose. How about it?
Bobby
Erik's Warning
Charles.
Did you know that she dreams of it? That she dreams of being touched? Only to wake up to a cold bed and every inch of her body covered. Enough of that would drive anyone insane. I am only surprised she has held out as long as she has.
You think that you have made progress with her, don't you? But you haven't. The only progress was from the return of her wildman. And even that was mere steps. Quickly regained, thanks to young David.
I am beginning to like that boy more and more everyday. The new one, Bobby, tries to fight David's influence, but his kind words to her are no match for the constant stream of hate David yells. He would have fit in at the camps. He has brainwashing down to an art form.
You didn't listen to my warning. You thought that you were helping her to control us. But we do not exist, Charles. How can you contol that which does not exist?
She's slipping.
I can hear her start to fall. The barbarian brought her forward for a few days but she is slipping again. Slipping right through your fingers, like grains of sand.
Did you know that she has a knife?
Erik
Bobby's Fading
Logan's sniffing around, wondering what's wrong. But how do you explain that you've lost yourself?
As I sit here and read over the other entries, entries that I know I wrote but are not even in my handwriting, I wonder if I will ever be just me again.
The Professor wants to start working on my incorporating the voices. Today we worked with Bobby since he was the one that seemed to be the most willing. And since then he's been so quiet. I kind of miss his voice.
I know that the fact that he is getting quieter means that he is becoming a part of me. But God help me, I don't want him to go. I know that when he is finally gone that it is going to be like losing him all over again.
The Professor asked me about what Erik said, about the knife. I couldn't look him in the eye. Logan was worse. Seeing him look at me like that, with such sadness. I could see that he wanted to hold me, to make things better. But instead, I turned and walked away. I don't want him to pity me. I don't want that to be why he holds me.
So, I sit here. Never alone even though I am the only one here. They never shut up anymore. Their voices are constant. But Bobby....Bobby's fading. And I don't know if I am ready for that.
Rogue
David's Fury
How dare she do this?! The bitch doesn't have the right! I don't care if this is her body, I am not leaving! That fucking Bobby had to go and interfere. Things were find the way they were. Why the fuck did he have to start messing with things?!
I was thinking that she was finally going to do it. I had her within inches of slashing that wrist of hers. When that fucker Bobby went and froze the knife! Little shit had been so quiet that I thought he was almost gone!
But he tricked me and now they are trying to get rid of me. Well, I won't go damn it!! You hear me, you little bitch!?! I won't go! And your beast boytoy can just keep his growls to himself. 'Cause neither of them scare me. The real Logan and the one in here are both helpless really. 'Cause you're just a puppet on a string bitch and I've got the strings!
What the hell?! Bobby, you back the fuck off! I'm not done talking here. Hey, I said fuck off! I'm in control. This is my time!!
Damn little prick tried to get me back but I'm not done writing. Do you know what I did as revenge yet, Marie? Do you know what I did to pay you back for trying to get rid of me? Next time you take a shower, look in the mirror. Actually, from the sound of Logan yelling down the hall he already knows. Can hear him running toward our room. He probably smelt the blood.
David
Logan's Touch
Hey kid,
Hope you don't mind my writing in here but seeing as Jean has you in isolation for observation in the MedLab I figure you are probably going to want to know what happened while you were down there. I don't think the memory of that night will ever leave me. I remember opening the door of my room and smelling blood. I just knew it was your blood and my worse fear was that I wouldn't get to you in time.
I broke your door again. It was locked and I had to get in so I broke it. The sight that met my eyes is one that gave my nightmares a run for their money. You were standing there, your journal held in a limp hand, the pen in your other, with this completely blank look in your eyes.
Then I saw it.
The blood.
It was all over you. David had been pissed when he got a hold of that knife. Your shirt looked like it was falling off of you, it was shredded. I remember grabbing you as you started to fall and calling for Jeannie. I lifted your shirt from your stomach and saw cuts. So many cuts. It looked like the angry slashes of a child with a crayon on paper.
Only this was your blood and skin not a marker and paper.
I remember hearing Jeannie gasp when she saw you. You were getting so pale. There was so much blood I could feel it soaking into my t-shirt and sleep pants. I burned those today. Storm tried to get the blood out of them but I could still smell it. Jeannie told me that we had to get you to MedLab to stop the bleeding. I barely heard her. I was looking into your eyes and saw something.
A flash of sadness. (Bobby?)
A flash of pleasure. (David.)
A flash of cold, uncaring. (Magneto)
A flash of animal type rage. (Me?)
And then...
A flash of love. That I knew was you. I remember reaching a hand out to touch the tear I saw sliding down your cheek. Then it was there. The Pull. And I felt like I was drowning. I heard Jean screaming for Scott to help her. To get me off of you, since I guess I feel over you from the pull. Then hands were pulling me back. But I saw. I saw the cuts start to heal. And I saw your soul so bright behind your eyes.
Now it's been four days since that night and Jeannie only let me in once to see you. She said it was to let you rest but I know that that is bullshit. You're fighting down there. Fighting for control of your mind and body. And I hope to whatever god there is, that the taste of me you got that night helps you. Cause, Darlin', I fight dirty and that's just what you need right now.
Logan
No Man's Land
It is so hard to shut them up now. Erik is just calmly telling me that the whole thing is hopeless. Bobby is just trying to be heard. But Logan. Logan is pissed.
And David....David is screaming.
I don't know what happened to make Logan so strong, so loud. I think that something happened and that Logan... RealLogan had to do something. And now Logan is loud and mad. And he's after David. They are constantly attacking each other. I try to get things under control. To handle what's going on but Logan is just too wild. He keeps yelling at David that he's going to kill him. And when he's not yelling, he's growling.
But I can't let him have the control that he wants. So I fight him. Yes, even Logan I fight. Jean told me to imagine a room, that all the voices are in a room, with me standing in the center. She told me that I would have to fight them. And so I do. In my mind, my body is scratched, bruised and tired. Bobby is at least trying to help by keeping Erik out of things. So that leaves me just David and Logan.
I got between the two of them and grabbed Logan. Threw him across the room into a chair. Stay there, I yell in my mind. I can see that he doesn't plan on listening so I have to manipulate my surroundings. I change the chair he is in so that it has straps holding him in. I can feel David's laughter at Logan's inablity to attack him. That was his mistake. He forgot to keep an eye on me.
My hand snaked out to grab his throat and I pushed until I had him against the wall. I screamed at him that he was to shut up, that I wasn't listening anymore. I told him that this was my body and my mind and that he could shut the hell up. I could hear Bobby laugh at my using his words from his first entry. David's eyes widened and stared at me with such anger. He screamed that if I hadn't touched him then this wouldn't have happened. I let go and said softly, "You kissed me, David. And I didn't know then. And so I am sorry that you got hurt, but it wasn't my fault."
Then he just grew silent. I could see almost a physical change come over him. Then he said something that I will never forget "You're right Marie. I'm sorry that I blamed you. And I forgive you for what happened."
In that moment I knew a peace that I can't discribe and then he was gone. Just like that. But he left something behind. He left me with the gift of life. Because in the instant he was gone, I suddenly wanted to live. That was something I hadn't felt in awhile. I smiled and opened the door to the room. I walked out, done for the day. Logan, Erik, and Bobby would have to wait till tomorrow. Because I had something that I had to do.
When I came out of my trance, Jean wasn't there. I could hear her in the other room and decided to slip out before she could notice. Grabbing a blanket to wrap around myself, I headed up to my room. Seeing that the door still wasn't fixed and noticing that my journal was gone, I headed for Logan's room. Slipping in quietly, I noticed my journal sitting on his nightstand. Reading over what he wrote, I felt a wave of love even stronger then ever before hit me.
He had saved me.
Again.
Slowly I lowered myself to lie beside him, trying not to move too fast to startle him. I heard him sigh and take a sniff of the air, just before I felt his hand flash out and pull me toward him. He held me close to him, his nose buried in my hair, the blankets protecting him from my touch. And so I slept. And now it is morning and I am preparing to enter No Man's Land again. But I know that I can handle it now. Something's changed. I don't know what but something's changed. I just hope that it's changed for the good.
Rogue
Erik's Epilogue
Charles,
The morning dawned bright today. I mourned the passing of young David. He had been a good companion in this mind that we had shared. He reminded me of the old days.
But now he is gone. And I can feel that my time is coming to an end. Perhaps it is time to let go. She is getting strong again.
That boy, Bobby, he is weak too. He used all his strength yesterday to keep me back while she destroyed David. I think that it shall not be long before he follows me out. But for now I thought that I would take this time to say good bye to you.
I know that I am not really going to be gone. That I am really inside of a prison that you can visit everyday if you wish. However, I am not him. That man in the prison never got to know this side of you. The side that you show the children here. And that man could never believe that war could be avoided.
This time inside of young Rogue showed me that it can be. That perhaps it is the best way to fight, to avoid the war. And so I say this to you, old friend. I was wrong. Goodbye, Charles. Never forget the times we shared before I grew twisted with hate. When we both were brothers.
Erik
Shattering Ice
I sat in the corner on a chair, waiting for her to return. Logan's pacing was driving me crazy but I understood it as well. We were both on borrowed time. Rogue was finally taking control of her mind back, and although I was happy for her, I was sad aswell.
I had gotten to know her better then I ever did before. She was such a sweet and gentle person. But she also had her hellcat inside. She was no longer the innocent girl that most people believe. After all, she had all of us in here.
Logan's pacing has stopped. I know she was on her way now. It is only a matter of time. I only hope that I have the courage to let go like Magneto did in the end. But I have to admit that I am afraid of that final dark. The door is opening now.
She looks so sad and tired. I can tell that she doesn't want to do this. And so I will save her the pain of begging. I stand and walked toward her.
"It's ok. I know why you're here." I tell her softly. I can see that she is fighting tears. Reaching out, I wipe them away. I saw her flinch just before my hand touched her cheek, but in here her mutation can't hurt me. I marvel at the feel of her soft skin beneath my fingers. She is so beautiful.
I let my hand drop and moved a step back. "I can go now. I got the one thing I always wanted. I got to touch the woman that I love." She cries harder at my words, and I am sorry that they hurt her.
"Do you have to go?" she questioned softly.
"This is your mind, Rogue. I don't belong in here." I tell her, the words cutting me with their truth.
"Marie."
I look at her, confused.
"My name....It's Marie."
A smile spreads across my face at this trust from her. She never told anyone here her real name. She told Logan I know but she had never even thought about telling the rest of us. "Thank you for telling me."
I turned to walk out the door, when I felt her hand on my arm. "You don't have to go." she said softly. "I want you to stay."
The joy I felt at that moment was more then I could ever say. "You sure?" I asked, hoping that she was.
"Yeah. Ah want you to stay, Bobby. Ah want to keep you with me."
And so, here I am. Here to stay it seems. Logan seems happy with the thought that I am staying. Maybe he realises that with me here, and all my love for her, she will be stronger. I hope he's right. All I know is that I am here, and I touched her....and she shattered the ice that kept me apart from her.
Bobby
Taming the Wildman
She came in here and let Bobby stay. I know that it will be good for her for him to stick around. David did a lot of damage while he was here and it is going to take a lot of good thoughts to fix it. And he loves her. And I don't blame him for it. She is very easy to love.
The girl can get me purring like a damn cat with just a word! She just has to look at me with those eyes of her's and I would do anything for her. So when she came in here after the whole thing with Bobby, I was prepared to leave. I was ready to go if that is what she asked me.
Instead she shocked the hell out of me when she touched my lips.
"Always wondered what they felt like." She said softly. And though I know deep down that in away this is the most messed up, perverted thing, I kissed her. She gave that soft sigh and I was lost. I would do anything for her.
"Logan. We need to talk." she said, trying to be serious.
"Uh-huh...sure..." I answered, not really hearing her, just intent on tasting those lips again.
"Logan!" she said sharply, slapping my hands away from her body. "Would you pay attention?"
I was paying attention. Paying attention to what her skin felt like on my hands, and how her lips were bruised looking because she had been chewing on them nervously. I reached out a hand to stroke my thumb across them, trying to soothe the worried bit of flesh. Again she did that little soft sigh.
She pushed away from me, stepping back to put some space between us. I noticed and growled at the lost of contact. I tried to reach out toward her but she just slapped my hands back again.
"Logan. I don't want to lose you either but I can't let you stay if you are not going to behave."
Well, dammit! The girl knew how to twist me up around her little finger. I would do anything to stay near her. So I nodded and swore that I would behave. And she looked skeptical but I kept trying to convince her. So finally she just smiled.
"Ok Logan. You can stay. But one step out of line and I will have to kick your ass, you know that right?"
My mind was filled with the image of Marie getting a differnet kind of physical with me. Growling and giving my head a shake to clear the image, I nodded to tell her that I understood. So I sit here, knowing that I've been fucking tamed and all because I want to touch that skin again. The girl is like a drug that I am addicted to.
Logan
Last Words
Dear Diary,
It has been an interesting couple of days. First off, it's been about 3 weeks since I finally got control of my mind back. I've been hanging out a lot with Logan and had finally started to think that I was done with any shocks or surprises. Boy was I wrong!
It started 2 days ago. I was in Logan's room again. We were just laying on his bed, talking about everything that had happened lately. We had been doing that a lot lately. I thought he would hate it but he told me that he liked it when I hung out with him. Anyway, we were laying there talking, when the phone rang. Since it was on my side of the bed, Logan reached across me to answer it. I don't know how it happened but he touched my skin by accident. Now here's where the big shock comes from.
NOTHING HAPPENED!
That's right. Me. The girl with the untouchable skin, and Logan was touching it and nothing was happening. He just looked at me, the phone completely forgotten, as he reached out and stroked my cheek so softly.
STILL NOTHING HAPPENED!
I remember thinking that my heart was going to burst from happiness. Logan. The man that I loved more then I thought I could love someone, was touching me. He bent his head and kissed me so gently. His lips were so soft. I think I sighed at the sensation. It was much better then what my mind had ever imagined what kissing Logan would be like.
I reached up and placed my hands on his cheeks and he pulled back. He growled and grabbed my hands. For a moment I was confused and thought that I had done something wrong. But then I saw him ripping my gloves from my hands.
"I don't want to feel them between us. I want your skin touching me." he growled in frustration. I think tears must of filled my eyes at the tenderness and love I could hear in those words. He looked at me and became so still. His fingers reached out and wiped the tears from my lashes. Then he placed kisses on my eyelids. "Don't cry, Marie."
I told him that I was crying because I was so happy.
The smile that spread on his face is one that I will never forget and no one will ever believe. I told Jubilee and she said that she couldn't imagine Logan smiling. But he did. His smile was beautiful to me.
He kissed me again. So gentle that it surprised me. I knew that he could be gentle of course but it always surprises me. I guess I still see him in that cage, tough and mean, a man that gentleness just didn't seem likely. But here he was, kissing me so softly. I think he didn't want to scare me because the Logan in my head was screaming to devour me. And when he pulled back, I could see that passion reflected in his eyes.
This time when he bent to kiss me, again. I left my mouth open a little and I felt more then heard the growl that he gave before thrusting his tongue in my mouth to taste me. My hands were moving in his hair, stroking down his neck and to the front of his shirt to undo the buttons of the flannel shirt he was wearing over his T-shirt. He drew back at my clumsy attempts to undo them and looked deep in my eyes, before ripping the shirt up and over his head, T-shirt and all.
I lifted my hands and moved them shyly over his chest. My fingers were memorizing every inch of him. My inner Logan told me to scratch his chest and abs gently. When I did, Logan's head fell back and he gave that growl that I now know is one that means he likes what I am doing. The next thing I knew, he was kissing me and rolling us over so that I was lying over him. I could feel his hands at my waist and knew that he was wondering if he should remove my shirt or if that would scare me. So deciding to take the decision out of his hands, I sat back on my heels and stripped my shirt off the same way he had.
When I leaned back down to kiss him, I could feel this rumbling start in his chest which I call his purr. It made me tingle everywhere. His hands were on my back stroking me and I knew that he wouldn't do anything without my initiating it since he didn't want to rush me or scare me. So when my hand reached down to touch him on the outside of his jeans, I think he almost jumped out of his skin. He pushed me back and held me at arms length.
Looking deep into my eyes he asked me. "Are you sure you want to do this?"
My answer was to reach out and undo his button and zipper. With a growl he had us flipped again and was undoing my pants. Pulling them down, I was left in just my underwear. I teased him that he better not think of joining me until he got rid of his own jeans and he practically ripped them in his rush to remove them. Then he was beside me, touching my side and hips, whispering that I was beautiful. I remember him kissing me again and then trailing kisses all the way down my body, removing my bra along the way, until he got to my panties. There he looked into my eyes again and asked me if I was sure. I told him I was and then he said the thing that I think ruined any chance of my not loving him.
"I want you to be happy, Marie. Everything I do is for you. And if at any time....ANYTIME.... you don't want this, you tell me and I'll stop. Because I would never do anything to hurt you. I would rather die then ever hurt you, Marie. I ...I love you."
I think I cried again because he looked a bit scared and I just told him that I loved him too and that I was just crying because I was happy. He smiled that smile again and told me that he hoped that I would always be happy. Then he slowly eased my panties down and kissed his way up my legs, pressing a kiss to the inside of my knee and then my thighs before finally placing a kiss there....in that spot that was hot and aching for him. I remember my legs moving shut a bit and his hands pressing them back as he teased me with barely there touches. He kept doing that till I was practically shaking and then he slipped his tongue inside of me.
I can't begin to describe the feeling. It was like I was floating. He stroked me with his tongue and rubbed with his fingers till I started feeling this tight sensation in my stomach. And just when I thought that I couldn't get tighter it just sort of exploded and I felt like I was drifting on clouds. I had the faint thought that this must be what it was like to fly for Storm and then he was kissing me again.
I wrapped my arms around him and kissed him back hungrily, wanting more. He chuckled saying, "Definitely a southern firecracker. " I quickly shut him up when I flipped him over and straddled his waist. Deciding that turn about was fair play, I trailed kissed down his throat and chest, nipping at him occasionally since I knew, thanks to my inner Logan, that he liked that. Moving down more, I grasped the band of his underwear and was about to pull them down when he stopped me.
"You don't have to so that, Marie."
I told him that I knew but that I wanted to make him happy. His answer...
"Just being with you makes me happy. I don't need you to do that."
So I let him pull me back up to him, but made a note to at least try it next time and let him kiss me again. Removing his underwear and rolling us back over, he reached down a hand and checked to see if I was ready for him. When he was sure that I was, he moved down a bit between my legs and got me to bend my knees more. "Are you sure, Marie?" he asked one more time and I smiled and told him yes. Then he slowly moved, pressing himself into me. I am not going to say it didn't hurt. It did. But just for a second. Logan didn't move, just let me get use to him, kissing my face gently and saying over and over how much he loved me and that I was beautiful. When I was finally use to him, he started to move, slowly at first but slowly thrusting faster.
I wrapped my legs around his waist and gripped his hands, listening to his growls of passion. I could feel that tightness starting again and started to moan. He stopped, listening with a smile at the sounds that I was making.
I practically growled at him, told him that if he stopped now I would kill him myself. He laughed and started moving again, thrusting faster and faster, till I felt that sensation of an explosion and then seconds later he roared and then collapsed on top of me. Even in that state he knew that I couldn't handle his body weight and rolled us so that we were side by side. And we fell asleep like that, still joined.
For the next two days, all we did was sleep and make love. Occasionally, Logan would raid the fridge and bring us up something to eat. I think the Professor contacted him once to ask where we were cause Logan growled at him to ?get out of his head and to leave us alone" right in the middle of my first attempt at pleasing him orally.
So now, it's been two days since I first found out that I could touch. Once Logan and I finally left his room, I talked to Jean and the Professor, who couldn't meet my eyes at first so I think he knows exactly what he interrupted. They think that it was my finally merging David that did it. They figure it was David because of my entry after that day, when I had noted that I felt different. Which is probably why I was able to sleep safely with Logan that night even though our skin probably touched with the way he sleeps.
They think that with David's hating me for what I did to him and feeling that I should be punished on top of the trauma of the whole thing happening, my 'switch' just kinda got stuck on in a form of self-protection/punishment. See, if I couldn't be touched I wouldn't have to worry about an accident like what happened with David happening again because I would know not to let anyone near me. So now that David's at peace so to speak I can finally touch. I only wish I had figured it out that day, rather then waste 3 weeks. But Logan assures me we are going to make up for that missed time. He's already talking about going on a trip to this cabin he has up in Canada. Really secluded, no one around for miles. No one to hear us or see us if we decide to really get wild. *G*
So, I think this is going to be my last entry. I am happy, things are good. Logan loves me and we are together. I need a new diary for my new life. One that will be filled only with happiness. So. Good-bye Diary. Thank you for helping me heal.
Rogue
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Author's Chapter Notes:
First a little bit about what I am posting. Since I seem to have so much trouble with longer works...or really finishing things....I have decided to take my 'little bits' and do them up as diary entries. Let me know what you think? Warning: Character death. You've been warned.