”No, Logan. We can’t…” Fucking bitch. Every fucking time, backing away at the last possible moment, leaving me hanging around, staring in to nothingness and drooling like a fucking retard. Serves me right. For I must be mentally challenged somehow. There really isn’t any other explanation to my stupidity. How many times. Fucking too many times. Too many close calls, those soft lips just inches from mine, just before she pulls back and runs to Scott.
“Logan, close your mouth before something crawls in and makes a nest.” Shit. Marie.
“Seriously, why do you let her do this to you? You know she won’t leave Scott.” How the fuck did she got so freaking sensible and adult all of a sudden?
“Yeah? What makes you think so?” Because as obvious as it is, she shouldn’t even have a clue about this our little triangle.
“Come on. This calls for some ice cream and tea…” No. Not really. A beer and a good fuck. But I’ll take that ice cream and tea. Maybe some of that sense she’s lugging around rubs in to me if I spend some time with her…
“Why Jean sticks with Scott?” This is actually nice.
“Enlighten me, oh wise one…” Crap. Didn’t actually mean to sound that bitchy.
“Simple. Women tend to steer to safety. She has been with Scott… I don’t even know for how long, but must be pretty long. You’re the devil she doesn’t know. She’s curious. Tempted. But not ready to abandon her safety-net.”
“You’re telling me she needs a blankie, and Scott’s that blankie?” Christ. I must have understood because kid is smiling. I love that smile of hers. She doesn’t smile too often. Just every now and then. But when she does, it lights up the whole fucking room.
“I wouldn’t go calling Scott a blankie, but you got the hang of it. I think that’s what we all are after at the end of the day. Something safe and stabile…” And there goes the eyebrow. Felt like it shot right over my skull.
“Safe and stabile? You telling me I’m unsafe and unstable?”
“Logan, no! Well, maybe… Just a little?” That smile of hers isn’t bright enough to blast her out of this…
“A little? Kid… Marie… Thanks. Thanks a bunch.” That really hurt. Of all these people… I thought she was the one I could put my faith on. The one person I could trust. Shows how fucked up this world is. How fucked up my life is. Because if you can’t trust to anybody… Fuck this. Fuck ice cream. Fuck tea. Should have gone with that beer and a good fuck…
“Logan!” Nope. Holler all you like. I won’t open that door.
“Please. I didn’t mean it like that. Logan!” Fuck you. I have had enough insults for today.
“Logan… I’m sorry. Really sorry.” Don’t mean a fucking thing. There are some things you just don’t do.
“Logan…”
“Leave me alone!” Was that really my voice?
“Are you alright?” No. I’m not all right. Just get the hell away from me. This is so fucking degrading. Just go away. Why the fuck did I teach her how to pick locks?
“Go away, kid…” I’m really not crying. Nope. Just got something in my eye. In to both of them. Really big and really scratchy something.
“At least shut that fucking door!” Rest of those morons doesn’t have to know how low I have fallen.
“Look, I didn’t mean to insult you. But isn’t it kind of obvious that you’re everything Scott’s not? You’re the exact opposite of him.”
“And what’s… What’s wrong with that?” Great. Can’t even talk properly. This is fucking ridiculous.
“There’s nothing wrong with that. There’s nothing wrong with you… Or maybe something. Here.” A hankie?
“Umm… You might want to blow your nose…” Shit. Is there no end to this humiliation?
“So… I’m no Scott?”
“No, you’re not.”
“Oh, fuck… Why the fuck that doesn’t make me feel better?” Because in all fairness it should.
“You love her. You love Jean.” No shit, Sherlock?
“Yeah.”
“It isn’t easy. To love someone you can’t get…” How the fuck… Why the fuck does she sound so miserable? Like she really knows. Some boy yanking her chain?
“I feel like shit… Come on, I could really use a hug right now…” Not really. But she looks like it could do some good for her.
“Okay… Just be careful, my skin…”
“Don’t worry about it, kid.” And what the fuck did I do now? Why the fuck is she bawling her eyes out?
“You always say that… Why?”
“Say what?”
“Not to worry about my skin.”
“You don’t have to. At least not around me. I’m pretty good covered, and even if something happens, I’ll heal.” Right. It’s freaking me out, to be this close to that pale skin of hers. She has nearly killed me twice. But that’s my fucking problem, not hers.
“Thanks. That means a lot to me.”
“Care to tell me who it is?”
“Who?”
“The guy who made you so miserable?”
“Logan…”
“I promise I won’t claw him. Well, maybe just a little, I am the resident maniac after all…”
“It’s nobody… Just leave it.” It’s kind of hard just to turn around and pretend everything’s peachy when we are both hurting, and I just know I could probably fix at least her problem.
“Marie…”
“No! I won’t tell you his name!”
“Okay.” For now. Sooner or later I will find it out, one way or the other.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Something short that begged to be let out. Maybe couple more chappies coming little later.