As I looked down at Logan who was on his knees begging me to start over with him and to give him one more chance I couldn’t help but feel helpless. I was at a huge crossroad with my self. This was the only man I had ever loved, the only one I wanted to be with for the rest of my life, the father of my child. He was also the man who cheated on me with another man’s wife.
“Logan how can Ah ever trust you again? How can you say you love me one day and then the next day fuck another woman? How do Ah know you won’t do this to me again? Ah have a child now and Ah have to place him first when it comes down to it. You are no longer the number one priority in my life. Ah’ve moved on and have created a wonderful life. What can you say or do that will change the fact that you hurt me more than any one else in the world. You hurt me worse than when my parents asked me to leave and to never come back. At least they had a valid excuse to ask me to leave. You, you were just afraid of your self.” I looked down at him then with disgust. How dare he ask me to come back now after all these years?
“Ah don’t know if I will ever be able to forget what you’ve done Logan, even if Ah do decide to forgive you in the end. You ruined me on that day Logan, you took that small flame of hope that Ah had left and burnt it out without a second glance at what it might do to me. And for what? So you could fuck someone else’s wife, how pathetic. I’m sorry Logan but an apology just isn’t going to cut it this time. Ah mean what kind of mother would Ah be to allow a man back in her life that cheated on her? How will Ah look in my son’s eyes when he finally finds out the horrible truth about what his real dad did to me? Tell me that Logan? Tell me how I’m going to explain it?” Hatred dripped from my voice as I asked him these simple questions I new he wouldn’t be able to answer. All those years of hiding out because I never thought I would be able to face him like this seemed to be so pointless.
“I know you will never be able to forget about what I have done to you. I should have been the person I promised you I would have been. Even if you were pregnant or not and I know that and apology wont be the only thing that will fix this mess that I have created, but I was hoping it would be a start.” He spoke softly to me as if I had broken every last part of his being. He stood up slowly as if in defeat which I had never seen him do before I all the time we had been together. He looked at me then his eyes showed me that he really did want to start over. But deep down I knew I was just plain scared out of my wits.
“Visits,” I said abruptly not even realizing I was saying it at first. But I don’t think I could handle him walking out of my life for a second time.
“What did you say?”
“Visits, you can make visits. Tristan needs a father even if he is a jerk,” I got a smile and a huff from that comment.
“You can visit one weekend a month until Ah say other wise, you got it?” I wagged my finger at him with a raised eyebrow I know I got from having him in side of my head for so long. “And seeing as how we come here every summer and you will probably being staying here now. Because you now have a son and need to have a permanent residence and job, you can see him for the whole summer with conditions to the activities in which you two will do, okay?”
“Anything you say darling,’ but what about you and me?”
“Logan you don’t even have a chance with death with me at the moment. You just need to worry about your son for awhile okay?”
“I understand, parent first and foremost,” he said with a smile.
“Now will you excuse me Ah have to go and break it to my son that the man who made him cry is actually his dad.”
I finally found Tristan eating a hot dog with Scott and Storm under a big oak tree in the shade. He didn’t even notice me coming up to him until I was almost there. When he did take notice of me however he ran to me and hugged my legs.
“Hey honey did you miss Mommy while she took her nap?” I asked picking him up into my arms and swinging him over to one hip.
“Yea, Uncle Scott and Aunty O made me hot dogs and red cool aid, and Uncle Scott threw me into the water like five times and then we played tag around that tree over there,” he told me pointing to the tree that Scott was now standing under and Ororo still sitting under. I smiled at Scott and mouthed a thank you which Scott nodded to and sat back down next to Ororo.
“Sounds like you had a great time sugar. But hey Mommy needs to tell you something really important okay?” I looked at my son with my ‘serious face’ as Jubilee so pleasantly put it.
“Okay Mommy.” I looked around and notice Logan standing off in the distance staring at us with great intent. I knew he was probably listening to our every word but it really didn’t matter.
“You know how you always ask me about your Daddy?” He nodded at me the same way Logan always did slow and understanding.
“Well do you remember that big scary guy who growled at you this afternoon?” He nodded again this time looking up at me.
“Well you see that big scary guy really isn’t that big and scary. He only looks that way, and anyways, I just wanted to tell you that, that man is actually your Daddy,”
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Author's Chapter Notes:
This chapter is kinda short only because I still haven't figured out what's going to happen next. Well, I have an idea I just haven't thought of whats exactly going to happen.