Rogue seemed a bit - preoccupied - and it was starting to piss him off. She was talkative enough but not relaxed like she normally was with him. He'd taken her to his favorite steak place, but it was by no means stiff and fancy. It was just a steak joint; they had great food and it was a lot less rowdy than his usual haunts, but she was acting...formal. That was it, formal, like every word or action was being very carefully considered. Logan didn't like it one bit.
At times she even looked damned guilty, and her usual playful, flirtatious demeanor was in absence. Even though he knew it was because of what happened between them, he couldn't very well verbalize it. She regretted her hasty actions, just as he knew she would; that's why he'd told her to go to bed. He shouldn't have let it go as far as it did. She'd been drinking and hurt over him being a forgetful prick - so he should have been the reasonable one. He should've been more level headed - but Logan was no good at level headed, especially not with Rogue rubbing up against him. How was a man supposed to think straight under those circumstances? So, it had happened, she wanted to forget it, but no way was he going to let it damage what they had.
"So - you gonna tell me what's bothering you?" he asked, hoping it would make her relax, even if they had to tip toe around the touchy topic.
Rogue sighed and glanced up at him, but only spoke once she was looking past his shoulder.
"You ever do something you wish you could erase? Just go back in time and wipe it clean, but you know you can't and it's always gonna be there, like this big, black ... thing ... that's just there, reminding you of what you did?"
"Hey, I said we could forget it. There's no need to go beating yourself up over it," Logan said, sounding a little perturbed.
She looked at him confused, but then it registered.
"No. No I wasn't referring to ... that. I mean ... I wasn’t talking about what we… I was talking about something else. You know, regret."
Logan nodded but didn't believe her. "Uh, yeah. I think regret is something I can totally understand," he sad with a touch of sarcasm. "But kid, you don't need regret. Just - just let it go, whatever it is. It can't be that bad. What's done is done and you're too young to be carrying any heavy regret around all the time anyway."
Rogue fiddled with her napkin, thinking, then nodded to herself. "You know, you're right. I can't change anything now - so be it. I can't go back and fix it, but I can start fresh from here, right?"
"But Logan," she said, making eye contact, "I wouldn't ever want to hurt you, not really, and I just ... I just want you to know that."
His brow creased in a deep wrinkle. "Okay, stop apologizing. What have you got to be sorry for?"
"I don't know," she said with a shrug, lowering her face. "Just felt like I needed to say it."
"Okay, you've said it. We're both sorry - sorry sacks of shit - so can we relax now and enjoy the steaks and at least act like this is some kinda birthday dinner?" he teased.
********
The rest of the meal went perfectly, Rogue thought. They chatted comfortably for the first time in a long while, and when Logan left the table for the bathroom, she couldn't help but lightly finger the pendant around her neck. She didn't want to read too much into it. As a matter of fact, she wasn't going to allow herself to read anything into it. Rogue also refused to think about the small abrasion that lay hidden underneath her blouse. Creed had left a mark. It was easily hidden and therefore, she wouldn’t acknowledge it. She and Logan were finally getting back to their old selves and for now, she'd just be happy with that and try to forget past ... events.
Everything was actually feeling close to normal. Rogue even toyed with the idea of taking a break from pushing any boundaries and accepting things as they were. Even if she didn't really want it, maybe letting things return to normal for awhile would be for the best.
It was a moment in the parking lot that changed her mind. Looking back, she might wonder how something so small would influence her decision so, but at that point in time it was very significant …
Logan opened the truck door for her.
He had never, not in all the years they'd hung out together, opened a car door, a truck door, not even a house door for her. Logan didn't open doors for anyone. But it wasn't just that he did it; it was how he did it.
Rogue chastised herself for being such a girl, but grinned giddily as he circled around to the other side of his truck.
He'd waited until she was in the seat, even checking to make sure she was completely situated and buckled in, before he served her up one of his rare smiles that could melt snow. He never smiled like that at anyone else! Plus, Logan couldn't be upset with her if he shared a smile like that. A smile like that would forgive her anything, including her poor judgment.
She tried to douse the feelings of false hope and her reoccurring case of the 'what ifs', but to no avail. By the time they reached the mansion, she'd let her mind wander into a full blown fantasy where Logan saw this as a real date-date and she was the most desirable thing he'd ever laid eyes on.
Reaching the back steps of the garage entrance, he turned to her and Rogue caught a rushing high like this was going to be some kind of post date, walk to the door kiss. It was silly, she knew; there was no way she'd play the bold flirt tonight. She'd keep her hands and her lips safely to herself. That's when he reached for her.
He put his arms around her, but it could be called completely platonic. It was like their traditional welcome home embrace, but with her head resting against his shoulder and her arms around his lower back. How could he not feel the way she felt whenever they were close like this? Life was so unfair.
"I don't want you to feel bad about yourself over what happened," he said near her ear. "It's not you at all, it's -," he stopped. "I'm not gonna give that speech ... but I just want you to know you're ... exceptional. Don't forget it. No matter what you may regret, don't ever think you deserve less than everything."
*He* was talking in riddles while *she* was about to spontaneously combust, Rogue thought. But when he pulled back to look her in the face, she got to glimpse what few people ever saw. The real Logan, with no masking snarls, scowls, or arrogant eyebrows; and he leaned down and brushed a light kiss against her temple. For a few seconds, neither one of them moved. He didn't remove his hands from around her, and Rogue wasn't about to move. That's when the mask came crashing back into place. As soon as the situation nudged past their shaky line, he squelched it. But for tonight, it was all she needed.
*********
Kicking some bad guy ass was exactly what she needed right now. Her life had been on a relatively even keel for a good 24 hours, but the anxiety of when it might begin to shake like the San Andreas had her keyed up beyond belief. Nervous energy. It made her fidgety, and she was a pill to be around when she got fidgety. Who knew when Creed might pop out from behind a corner? Who knew if the man might take it upon himself to tell Logan about their little … run-in? She and Logan had kind of made up, in that way that non-romantically involved friends do, but something told her it wouldn’t last if he knew the whole truth.
Thinking about it, worrying about it, it was enough to drive a girl nuts, so she’d bribed Jubilee and Peter into running through a Danger Room session with her. If she could only work out the pent up energy, she’d be fine.
She noticed the showers running when she entered the locker room, but didn’t understand why Jubes would be washing up before a work out. The girl had some wild notions though, so there ought to be an interesting reason. Rogue rounded the row of lockers with a smart ass comment on the tip of her tongue.
She had never really been frozen before. Even in all the years of dating Bobby Drake and going on countless missions with him, she’d never actually been frozen in place. When she popped into the shower room, she realized what it must feel like. But it wasn’t Bobby’s mutation that was causing it, and it sure as hell wasn’t Jubilee in the showers.
There was water and naked man flesh - everywhere! She couldn’t move. And she really and truly tried, but her feet were not cooperating. It even took a moment to process exactly what she was seeing. Right in front of her stood not only Logan, but Victor was at a shower along the far wall and her freaking boss, Scott Summers, was by the wall closest to her.
And they were all just ... so ... naked. There was bulky muscle and lean muscle, massive arms and sinewy backs. Rogue wasn't sure if she was blushing or if she'd gone completely pale; she had no motor functions, had apparently lost the ability of speech, and she couldn't even close her eyes. All she was able to do was stare. A lot. It wasn't everyday that a girl stumbled across three naked and fit men taking a shower. She'd fantasized about it - maybe not about her boss, although now she had to admit he was more than easy on the eyes - but standing there she wanted to disappear off the face of the earth. Yet, at the same time run her hands over some of that wet, muscled flesh. Oh god, she thought, what the hell was she thinking?!
Rogue finally regained the ability to move and shifted to get away from Scott, Logan, and Victor before any of them noticed her presence.
"What's the matter darlin', the view too much for you?"
Logan had seen her first. Of course. She should've known; trying to hide from guys with hyper senses wasn't easy no matter how quiet she was. But was he actually being coy about this? She set her features to what she hoped was the epitome of calm then turned slowly to face him, trying her damndest to keep her eyes above chest level.
"Rogue!" Scott admonished rather loudly grabbing for his towel.
Victor chuckled. He eyed her shamelessly and cupped himself. "Is it too much to handle angel? 'Cause if it's the other way round then you should stick around -"
Logan shot Victor an infuriated glare. "Shut the fuck up Goldilocks or this soap is gettin' shoved down your throat!"
"Sure thing," Victor said on a laugh and moved his hands, "but only 'cause I'd rather wake up tomorrow with the taste of something else in my mouth," he added and arched an eyebrow at Rogue.
"That's it!" Logan growled and looked as though he was going to toss Victor through the tile wall.
Rogue opened her mouth to speak then closed it again. She should really just close her eyes and back out of there.
"Enough!" Scott yelled and sighed angrily. He turned off his shower, made sure his towel was secure, then stalked over to Rogue, gently grabbing her by the arm.
"Rogue, what are you doing in here?" he said sharply.
She bit her lower lip. "I was looking for Jubes ... and this ... this is the women's side ... and ..."
"Yes, but the other side is out of order. We had to clean up after a short mission and there was a sign posted - so perhaps you could wait outside?" He sounded like such a diplomatic leader, and at the same time it also didn't sound like he believed a word she said. But Scott wasn't the type of guy that would try and drag it out of her Logan-style or embarrass and intimidate her like Victor would.
He was, however, expecting her to notice signs and form coherent sentences when all she could do was notice his upper body. She'd never paid attention, but it was nice. Not really her speed anymore, but admirable nonetheless. Unlike Logan and Victor, Scott was lean, with the body of a professional swimmer - a nice tan, firm muscles, a clean smooth chest and his hips were - no, wait. What the hell was she doing? Apparently her hormones were in overdrive and they had already caused her enough problems.
"Rogue! Are you listening to what I'm saying?" Scott said impatiently.
"Huh?" was all she managed.
"I asked you a que-"
"Hey ... you have to wear your glasses in the shower," she noticed absently.
Scott frowned. "Well yeah ... of course I do. The Professor wouldn't like it if I accidentally blasted a hole in the roof, right?"
"Well it's just that ... you know ... I guess I never really thought about you ... uh, it."
"Okay ... so anything else you want to know?"
Logan was suddenly there, a towel wrapped around his waist. He pushed Scott aside.
"No there isn't Scooter, we already know the name of your favorite beauty salon and that you wax your chest and armpits," he mocked.
Victor sauntered over to them wearing nothing but a smug look. He was enjoying himself royally, and if he and Logan had one thing in common it was their lack of respect towards Scott. They both loved to get him all riled up, but this time Rogue had a feeling it was something more.
"For once I agree with you Wolverine. A baby smooth chest like that can't be healthy," Victor said, sounding amused then turned to Rogue, "Isn't that right angel?"
Rogue backed up a step and found herself somehow trapped between three -more naked than not- men and the concrete wall behind her. She swallowed and fought not to let her eyes wander, because that would be wrong. Really ... wrong.
“That is entirely inappropriate and you know it," Scott reprimanded with a slight nod towards Creed’s nudity. "Do something about it.”
When he didn't move to do a thing about it, Logan added, “Cover it up asshole or lose it.”
Victor still didn't bother fetching a towel; he just covered himself with his hands.
"Better runt?" he said, sounding amused then inhaled slowly through his nose. "Something tells me our squad leader doesn't mind ... all this 'inappropriate nakedness'. I'm right, aren't I 'Roguey'?"
Logan couldn't hide his reaction fast enough - Rogue had seen it flash across his face - right before he became combative again. He'd sensed it too. Oh god, they both knew! Of course they'd recognize her body’s reaction to them being completely naked. Now she really wanted to disappear off the face of the earth. It wasn't just a thought anymore; she wanted to vanish! She was blushing and her heart was racing - it was absolute madness and now she'd be haunted with even more images of them! Naked images - not much imagination required anymore - of arrogant and taunting Logan and Victor; the kind of images that fueled fantasies ... as if she needed more incentive.
Scott sighed loudly and shot Victor and Logan an annoyed glare. Visor or not, it was obvious to Rogue that he was glaring at her team mates.
"What is the matter with the two of you? You're both acting like children, and I'm beginning to think a little discipline would be in order - probably overdue - because this immature behavior has got to stop. This is completely inappropriate and I won't allow it to continue."
Okay maybe it was time to intervene, Rogue thought. She could see where this was leading, and Scott had no idea what he was getting himself into. Not that she was sure how much Logan and Victor knew about each others' ... involvement with her. Either way, Scott didn't need to wander into the middle of it.
“I’m … uhm … I,” Rogue began to stutter. “Uh, Logan? Can I talk to you for a second?” she asked, at a loss for anything else to say. She walked towards the other side of the lockers, needing to get out of her current situation, but maybe not completely out of it.
Logan followed her around to the other side.
“You should probably pay more attention to signs next time, huh?” he teased.
“Yeah. Uhm …, she tried. “I wanted to … uh … ask you … something.” Rogue was trying to find a topic or a question that might come across as at least semi-reasonable, but her mind was only repeating two words. Naked. Logan. Naked Logan.
“You’re stalling, darlin’,” he smiled.
Smug bastard. He knew she was at a total loss.
“Right. Well, I really thought Jubilee was in here, but … uh … since you’re here ... and … um. I’ve - uh, been meaning to tell you …” Think Rogue, she demanded of herself. “I had a really nice time the other night at dinner,” she finally finished breathlessly.
“Me too.” He casually crossed his arms and Rogue spotted a trickle of water as it dropped from his hair and made a line down his shoulder. She was pretty sure that Logan was continuing to talk about how he too had enjoyed their dinner, but the belligerent little trickle of water was now making its descent. Down across his chest, and into that little dent between his pecs, and as if consorting with the trickle, Logan uncrossed his arms so it could continue its merry way down his abdomen. Slowly, slowly, trickle, trickle until it reached the dark line of hair that dipped underneath his towel. Oh man, she thought. The towel.
All she could think about was him dropping that towel and pushing her up against the lockers. He’d still be all warm and wet from the shower and his hair probably smelled clean and would feel slick in her hands. Unconsciously, Rogue wet her lips. Was it wrong to want to catch that trickle with her tongue?
Logan cleared his throat, loudly.
“Okay, well — you should go. I better get … uh, changed,” he said as he moved away, suddenly anxious for her to leave.
“What?” she asked, her brain still a little fuzzy. “Oh, right.” Rogue began to laugh nervously. “Okay … then … right. Later.”
******
Logan threw on his jacket with a foul oath. The girl had *no* idea what she was doing! How was he supposed to just stand there, his senses full of her, and be a good man? It had started out harmless enough; he couldn’t resist testing her reaction or feeling a bit of smug satisfaction about it. But then he saw the want written all over her face, and if that weren't enough, his head was full of her erotic scent. God she wanted it and it felt so good, but it couldn't. He’d lied to himself. Told himself that he couldn’t be with her because he was a one night stand kind of man and she deserved better. Maybe he’d even believed the lie for awhile, but that wasn’t even the half of it.
It could never happen, not even one time, because that wouldn't be enough, ever. But what would be enough? To what end? Anybody else! Any other woman! Any other fucking circumstance in the entire goddamn world and he would have fucked her by now and been over and done with her and probably split town like hell was at his heels - but not with Rogue! Logan had fantasized about crossing that line, the animal finally taking what he wanted. The few times he let the fantasy run free, he’d felt the Wolverine explode into a greed filled rage. Not simple lust like he might feel for any woman he was attracted to, this was something his feral side felt only for her. She sang to it. It wasn’t the generous and warm, fuzzy feeling of love either. It was covetous and possessive, and Logan knew if that line was crossed, the animal would turn desperate, unwilling to yield to anything but absolute dominion over her. How could he control it if that happened? How could he reign in something that primal?
It wasn't bad enough what he felt, but now Rogue was feeding it and she had no idea what she was encouraging. Her birthday had been a nice reprieve, but she’d become bolder of late, pushing their very shaky boundary. She probably had notions of lust and love and happiness, but all he'd ever been good for was quick and painless because it kept things simple. There would be *nothing* quick, painless, or simple about them if he let it go too far. The man in him did care about her. Logan didn’t explore it enough to call it love, but she mattered more than anyone; enough to need protection because he wouldn’t let that side of him rule the both of them. He knew what it would lead to and she’d be hurt, destroyed. He’d destroy anyone that ever hurt her so he would not be guilty of it himself. Surely he had enough self control for that.
Damn it, he thought. It would be easier if he could shut her out completely, but he couldn’t. Still - delicate balancing acts? Not his fucking forte! If he could just forget that look on her face, just forget the way she smelled; forget how she'd tasted when they’d kissed; forget how she felt. The animal needed a release. He had to forget - because that was one line that he was not crossing!
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Author's Chapter Notes:
She didn't want to read too much into it. As a matter of fact, she wasn't going to allow her self to read anything into it. They were getting back to their old selves and for now, she'd just be happy with that and try to forget past ... events.