He sat at the front porch of the mansion. It was well past midnight. Everybody else was asleep. He leaned his back to the railing and took a long drag from his cigar. Sky was clear and stars were bright. His mood was dark. Darker than the night surrounding him. He wanted to scream and lash out, but he knew nobody would understand, so he opted to fume in silence.

She had come to him again today. Smiling, looking up at him. Reaching her small, delicate hands, wrapping her arms around him, talking a mile in the minute about big sale at the mall. He couldn’t bring himself to answer her embrace. Didn’t dare to. She didn’t belong to him. No matter how badly he ached for her.

Bitter tears burned behind his lashes. He told himself he got smoke in the eye, but that was a lie. Yeah, lie to me some more.

He knew she slept just few floors above him. She was sleeping right now, curled under her covers. His tags around her wrist. Only piece of him she had ever truly accepted. Sure, she said she loved him. Every day. Several times in a day. Yeah. Her scent told him she didn’t lie. But it told him something else, too. It wasn’t the kind of love he felt for her.

He reached in his breast pocket and pulled out a soft piece of fabric. It was torn and dirty. Dark green. His most guarded possession. Piece from her old cloak. The one she had worn when they met. His fingers smoothed it over his knee. She didn’t even know he had it. He had cut it when she had thrown her cloak away. On a day she learned to touch.

“Logan?” He didn’t turn to look. He knew what he would see.
“Yeah?” He asked gruffly.
“I can’t sleep.” He could hear it from her voice. As desperately as she craved for his company, she was scared. Scared of him. Scared of the image nightmares painted in her mind. Nightmares he had planted himself.
“Come here.” She shuffled her feet nervously. Like always.
“It’s not you,” she said firmly. He wasn’t sure which one she tried to convince more, him or herself. He didn’t have the strength to argue anymore.
“Right.” Suddenly taste of the cigar turned stale and bitter. He threw it away and turned to look at her. She walked to him and put her hands on top of his head, rubbing his scalp with her fingertips. He could feel her hands trembling. Scent of her fear hitched up a notch, then settled and started to evaporate.

“What’s that?” She asked, pointing at the piece of cloth on his knee. He folded it and put it back to his pocket.
“Nothing. Want me to carry you back to bed?” She shook her head, retreating back inside, leaving him alone in the porch. He lit up another cigar. One day he would have courage enough to ask her not to love him. Now he had that piece of cloth.


DON'T

You look at me like you always do
You don't have a clue
You smile at me
You hug me
But you don't know I want you.
You play with me, you lay with me,
You tell me all your secrets
I'm always the one you run to,
But to you I'm just your friend

Don't say "I love you"
Don't say you need me
Don't say I trust you
My heart can't take it
Don't say you want me
Don't say you miss me
Don't hurt me
Don't say you love me.

I try my best to rid these thoughts
Of you and I, it's so hard
When you come to me, I fall back on my knees
I've learned to hate love
You kiss me on the cheek, you say,
"You'll never make it without me."
It's getting harder every day
Please don't say to me;

Don't say "I love you"
Don't say you need me
Don't say I trust you
My heart can't take it
Don't say you want me
Don't say you miss me
Don't hurt me
Don't say you love me.

Don't say you love me.
Don't say you love me.
Don't say you love me.
Don't say you love me.

My heart can't take it
I love you so much
but you don't see me
I hate love!

Don't say I love you
Don't say you need me
Don't say I trust you
Or that you mean it
Don't say you want me
Don't say you need me
Don't hurt me, no.

Don't say "I love you"
Don't say you need me
Don't say I trust you
My heart can't take it
Don't say you want me
Don't say you miss me
Don't hurt me
Don't say you love me.