Rogue sat in the shadows of the huge oak that bordered the edge of the ball field. She hated feeling so out of place especially now that she knew she loved Logan for real. Knowing that, feeling that love for him had given her a new level of control, a means of trying to turn her mutation off. Still, seeing that blonde he’d been talking to had brought home to her that she wasn’t even close to what he could have, what he’d had before.

Hell they weren’t any more than close friends so how could she expect him to understand that she cared so much about him. She wouldn’t pressure him for more than he was willing to give but at the same time it killed her that she couldn’t give him more than her friendship.

“Bad day?” Jean’s soft murmur drew her attention to the tall red-head.

“Yeah,” Rogue sighed and pulled her knees up her chin, wrapping her arms around them to cling to something other than her misery. “Bad day, bad week, bad life.”

Jean smiled sadly and wrapped a sisterly arm around Rogue’s shoulders. “Seeing the bimbo today kinda hurt huh?”

“Just another reminder of what I will never be,” she replied sadly blinking to rid her eyes of the tears. “I knew that it wouldn’t be easy, hell I’ve been his best friend forever - I just I never thought it would hurt so much when I realized I wanted to be more.”

Jean sighed and leaned back against the tree. She could understand where Rogue was coming from, she’d gone through the same thing with Scott when they’d first gotten together as an official couple and it had stung every time she’d seen him talking to one of his ex-lovers. It was worse for Rogue because the opportunity to have Logan as a lover would never happen. The tough cage brawler was a lot of things but he wasn’t an asshole to Rogue and he was too careful with her, too protective of her to engage in a no-strings- as-long-as-it-lasts-or-until-I-move-on fling.

“You know, you’ll get through this,” Jean whispered softly. “Logan cares about you enough to try not to rub salt into the wound. He knows how much it bothers you when his uh..”

“Trollops,” Rogue snarled angrily.

“Yeah. He understands it bothers you, that’s why he tries to keep them away. Sometimes though they aren’t very smart and show up anyway.”


“Yeah well I’d touch ‘em but I don’t want them in my head. Don’t want to know just how he..” Rogue paused and sniffled, “I don’t want to know anymore about his sexual abilities than I already know.”

Jean smiled sadly, “Is it so important to you that you don’t know?”

“What do you mean?”

“If you knew that you had a chance to have him forever would it matter what was in his past?”

“I still don’t know what you mean.”

“I mean its not like he’s the first for you,” Jean stated softly, she’d heard all about Remy and John.

Rogue sighed sadly and looked at Jean, “I heard all about what both John and Remy said and I don’t care. I know differently, I know what I did with them and it wasn’t what they said.”

“I’m not saying you’re anything,” Jean placated gently. “I’m just saying does it matter that he’s experienced? Is it so important that you be the first if you were the last?”

“No!” Rogue rose sharply. “If I knew beyond a doubt that I would be the last woman in his bed I wouldn’t care about anyone he’s had before me! Just as long as I *am* the last!”

Jean sighed, she doubted Rogue really understood what being Logan’s last lover meant. Tilting her head she smiled softly, on second thought Rogue probably had a better idea than anyone else did. “Maybe you should tell Logan this.”

“Ha, he’d just laugh at me and say ‘I love you to kid, lets go for ice cream or something,” Rogue replied tiredly as she kicked at a stone by her foot. “I’d rather not suffer that embarrassment. Or worse have him run because I’m too much of a bother to him with my emotional needs.”

Jean sighed and nodded, “I’d better get back inside. I’ve got to get these color schemes figured out for the Professor’s birthday party. Try not to stress out about it too much Rogue, things have a way of working out for the best.”

“I’m just gonna sit here for a few more minutes,” Rogue declared sinking back onto the soft grass.

“Okay, just don’t sit out here all night,” Jean replied before heading back inside the mansion.

Long after Jean had disappeared Rogue sat there humming softly, sadly until it was almost too dark to see. Rising she shuffled back inside without seeing the dark shadow leaning against the tree she’d been sitting against mere moments before, or the eerie red glow of a cigar as it was puffed on before it was crushed out.

The soft evening breeze stirred his dark hair but Logan didn’t even notice. Instead his attention was focused on the retreating figure’s hunched shoulders and depressed air. The flash of white as he smirked the only break in the darkness after he stubbed out his cigar.

It was definitely time, he thought as he started back for the mansion. He didn’t care about being her first lover, he was no virgin and it didn’t bother him that he wasn’t her first. He didn’t really care about that, as long as he was the last and it looked like she was finally ready for that.

Slipping past the students, the instructors, he glanced once briefly at Cyclops who appeared to be engrossed in other things before he snickered and headed up the stairs. He had a call to make - one that would mean the difference between solitary confinement or life with the one who made his heart beat faster, who made him come alive.

The end.