She'd been patient, hell everyone knew she'd been patient but the news hadn't been what she'd wanted to hear, hadn't let it sink in until she'd nearly killed someone.

Her mutation was back.

It had picked the most opportune time too, three days away from 'it'. Several people had told her it could be because of the emotional strain, that she might not be reverting. Thing was she'd seen the trickle of returning students turn into a tide, seen the looks of pain on families faces as they gave their children over once again. At least she hadn't had that pain to add to her own but what she had was enough to cripple her.

Things had been so normal, so happy, the new post McCoy had gotten was doing wonders for them in their own country. His brand of diplomacy wasn't for everyone but he made people really look at what they'd been destroying. Now you were more likely to get help when a mutation occured than being hidden. It was slow work but it helped and it showed that Xaviers dream was achieveable. Logan had always been against it, just as stubborn as the rest of them had hoped it would work.

Logan.

She held herself in check, she wasn't going to cry down there, no she'd stand strong, head held high looking out to the horizon. Where he should have been, instead of where he was. Wiping her eyes with her silk glove she scanned the room once more, everything was as it should be. Settling her breathing she moved slowly, with the grace and dignity that this occassion called for. Picking up the bouquet that lay on her bed, it's wrapping crinkling in the quiet air.

Sunflowers, their yellow shining out against the grey of the sky outside. No one knew they'd been his favourite, the way they'd always turned to the sun. She'd often caught him chewing the seeds outside, he'd said it was because of Ororo not letting him smoke near the kids but she knew the reality. He'd enjoyed the taste of them, the way the seeds popped and cracked inbetween his teeth and the soft pulp always sweet to his taste buds.

Shaking herself free from such thoughts she made her way downstairs, she could hear the rest of the house gathering. Things like this always tended to be informal, the act itself would be witnessed but the preparation would always take place in secret. It had been that way for Jean and Scott and now for him.
Coming down she heard the conversations stop dead as every head turned her way, the looks they were giving her a mixture of pride and pain at her own hurt. It was Ororo who took her covered arm, "You ready?" She didn't speak just nodded as they walked through the rest of the assembled crowds, a small wake opening for the two of them.

The skies were grey, overburdened with snow and the entire area was covered over with a tent. It's faded colour blending into the snow already on the ground. Marie felt her spine strengthen, as if a metal thread had been pulled through her skull, lifting herself up to her full height she entered the tent.
Everyone was there, Kitty and Pete, Jubilee and Bobby, even Hank had made it as well as Kurt who was acting as minister. Ororo supported her all the way down to the front when she took a chair to the side of her as she stood alone up there. The flowers gripped tight in her hands, her eyes searching around for the face she knew she wouldn't be seeing even though she'd had to go through with this, this farce.

Kurt's soft voice began, "We are gathered here today..." he never got to finish the sentence as the back of the tent was torn open. People shifted and moved away from the ripped hole as it widened.

A gloved hand poked through eventually connected to a leather clad sleeve, the blades he'd used to enter the tent were back inside his skin. A wind tousled head poked through cigar sitting in the corner of his mouth and a deep searching gaze ran round the rest of the guests gathered there. Looking everywhere but at her, his face freezing when he saw the empty places where the family should have been. Only then did he look at her, seeing her trying to stand tall around her friends, trying to salvage something from the mess that had robbed her of a husband.

A look passed between them, only Kurt was close enough to see it but he never commented about it. Logan just tore through the canvas pushed Kurt aside and pulled Marie to him. His dirty body messing up the pure white of her dress, what had been a wedding had turned into a funeral. One she should've seen coming but she'd been too proud to admit to, she'd killed him, a touch in the night and she'd killed him. No one blamed her, they blamed the cure, she didn't even have his memories in her head, she had nothing.

Wrapped up in the arms that had never let her fall she could slip a little, she could feel a little. "Ah killed him, Logan ah..." He just held her to him, crushing the words in her throat, picking her up and walking through the crowd that had gathered to mourn the passing of one of their own. He didn't take her inside, instead he took her to the truck he had waiting, the engine idling. She didn't notice much until they were on the road, the flowers she still had in her hand laid in her lap. The petals were drooping in the cold that permeated the cab, her fingers ghosted over them as they fell.
"He wasn't good enough Marie."

The words fell like the snow outside the cab onto her heart chilling her further. Dry eyed she turned to look at the man who'd rescued her again, concentrating on getting her away from the pain she'd nurtured around her. He met her look with one of his own, his mouth tightening when she didn't answer his comment. "You knew that already though." Marie nodded, yeah she'd known about him cheating on her, Remy hadn't been very good at hiding his emotions no matter what he told everyone. She'd smelled the women on him but he'd been there and given her the attention she'd needed, wanted, desired. She'd been a cheap bride, but it had been nice to be one for a while even if her wedding dress had doubled as a mourning suit.

They travelled all day, crossing the border late in the day, the snow piling up with each mile they took. Only when the world was completely white did they stop, there was no motel around and no shelter but the truck. Their journey had become silent after his words to her and she knew she should be grateful but everything was too confusing. It was only when Logan grabbed the sunflowers from her hand that she finally rose from the fug she was lost in. "NO! Please don't." Her hand reached out for the flowers held in Logan's grip, his look dark as he just opened the window and dropped them outside into the intense cold. When he turned back to her the warmth in his gaze was something she hadn't expected.
"Sunflowers don't last in the cold Marie, you know that." She knew what he was telling her, Remy had been a sunflower, always seeking the better light, the better sun to guide him, the better body to warm his bed.

Her tears started in earnest then, the cold finally breaking through to her heart where she could pour it out all molten and heated. The pain able to be quenched by the cold, put into perspective by the silence all around them. Surrounded by pine and cedar, the scent always something she'd associated with Logan, it was mingled with his own even when he'd been in the city for a long time. As if he was part of the forest and it was this scent she breathed into herself, the calm deepness of them so obviously masculine it needed no thought.
Before she fell asleep on his shoulder wrapped up in a blanket her eyes made out the dark line of forest in the darkness. Everywhere here in the middle of winter was green, the trees still filled with life, still vital like Logan himself. Aging slowly, growing against the worst the world pushed at them and she finally understood what she'd needed and it wasn't sunflowers in winter.