Standing on the edge of the lake I stare out over the clear blue water and sigh, a cold beer in one hand and my customary cigar clenched between my teeth. I know what they're saying back at the mansion, poor Logan; poor Scott they both loved her. And something in the pit of my stomach turns; yeah I guess you could say it was nausea.

Damn it how had things got so out of hand? How did I go from being a lone to this desperate need to be near her? Yeah, yeah I know. Everyone thinks I had a thing for Jean but deep down inside I know the truth.

I did like her, I lusted after her but I used her as a barrier more than anything. A barrier against the pain I felt knowing that the one woman I'd never be able to have was right there beside me, surrounding me with her caring.

Taking a long drink of the cold beer I swallow and grimace, I need to get away. Need to get as far from Westchester New York and temptation as I can. It doesn't matter that she's twenty years old now, doesn't matter that she's with Bobby -the Ice Punk-, that to her I'm just Logan -pseudo brother and protector. None of that matters when she looks at me in the morning, says hi with a smile and sits next to me.

Instead all that matters is that I'm not afraid. For years I've been afraid of letting anyone in, I'm not exactly what you'd call the `good guy', hell I'm a cage fighter, a bad ass that goes by my own rules, so letting someone in is only setting them up for hurt. But with her it was too easy to surrender to let her in. Everyone probably thinks that I'd did what I did for some reason they don't want to know but the simple truth is I did it because she's mine.

Marie doesn't know, I've never really told her but I know it in my heart, a heart I could have sworn was empty but it isn't. Not since that day years ago when I met the liquid chocolate gaze of a girl with enough pain in her soul to drown my own.

Finishing my beer with one swallow I sigh, I'll go. I'll leave; give her a chance to grow up, to live before she ever knows just how much I care, I'll leave. Somewhere that she isn't, somewhere that no one knows that I'm scared shitless by the thought that I'm in love with a girl whose very skin is toxic, a girl who by all accounts could be my granddaughter - if I knew how old I am that is!

With the decision made I turn away from the setting sun on the lake, the glow shimmering like gold on a bed of blue satin. I can wait; I know that someday when she's ready she'll need me. That she'll understand that I couldn't stay and right now I don't care just what Scooter, or Ro, or even the Professor think. They don't count in my books; the only one who does is currently laughing with her friends over boys, and talking make-up and shit. No she's the only one I've got to explain things to and as I walk back to the mansion I glance at her sitting on the lawn with the other girls her face wreathed in smiles and feel another piece of me fall, another part of my life fill up just a little until I'm almost complete. Almost because I know that I'll never be complete until she's mine for good.


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Laughing softly at her friend's words Marie glanced up as Logan walked by, noting the shadows in his eyes and felt her heart break a little more. He loved Jean so much and now that she was gone there was nothing holding him here. Oh she knew he would be there for her if need be, if she needed anything he'd be there but he wasn't going to stay where the pain he'd never wanted to feel was strongest.

Watching his retreating back she smiled at Kitty and Jubilee's words but inside something shifted, twisted and she knew that if she let him go without telling him she loved him she would regret it for the rest of her life.

Logan wasn't a man of many words, hell he preferred action to talking and she knew that. But sometimes even the tough Wolverine needed to talk about things, to put into words the emotions that threatened to destroy him. Blinking at the burning behind her eyes Marie glanced at her friends and sighed softly.

She had to talk to him, but first she had to talk to someone else. Someone who deserved to know the truth even if it meant causing him a bit of pain. Better now then later. Rising suddenly, ignoring the way the others fell silent Marie headed for the mansion her stride purposeful and filled with determination.

Sharing a glance between themselves the others watched her walk away something had changed and they needed to be in on it but how to do that without budding in was another matter.

The conversation between her and Bobby was one that was stilted, uncomfortable yet Marie knew deep down that Bobby understood. He'd understood more than anyone ever could considering, the realization that he was only a pale second to another man did little for his ego but he'd smiled, and bid her good luck.

Walking down the hall to pause outside of Logan's door she took a deep breath; luck was something she'd need in abundance. Raising her hand to knock she jumped slightly when a deep, gravelly voice called out.

"It's open kid," I growl softly, grabbing a shirt and tossing it into the duffel bag in front of me. What could Marie want right now? God I was glad she was here but to have to face her was going to be hard. I doubted she'd understand that some things made little to no sense, even when you loved that person.

"You leaving soon?" Marie whispered closing the door and leaning back against it to watch me pack.

"Yeah," I grunted. "Couple of minutes. Can't stand Scooter any more," I fibbed. God I was angry with myself, with fate, with everyone and everything including the need I felt to walk over and pull her into his arms and hang on until she realized I love her, and not as my sister for fuck's sake.

"You don't have to go," Marie whispered. "I know you loved Jean Logan but you have friends here, family if you'd just let us in."

Smiling sardonically I turn to face Marie who stood by the door, her eyes large in her pale face as she stares at me. The faint coppery tang of fear striking me like a blow. "You scared of me?"

"No," Marie replied. "Scared of you leaving."

"I'll be back," I promise as I picked up my bag and walked toward her, it's never been this heavy before, never felt like an anchor dragging me down. Stopping before her I trail my finger down the side of her face over her hair. "I promise."

Smiling at him Marie nodded; this was harder than anything she'd ever done. "Please stay Logan. We need you. I need you."

"You got the Ice Punk Marie, you don't need me," I reply softly, dropping a kiss on her head. "I'll call."

Stepping out of his way she watched him walk out the door, closing it slightly and listened to his retreating steps as he made his way to the staircase. Frozen she glanced at the room, taking in the disheveled bed, the pillows that were tossed about and noted the glint of light on metal. Moving forward she stared.

Sitting in a tangled heap was a pair of familiar tags, tags she'd given back when he'd come back. He'd sworn he'd never take them off again, never be without them again and yet he'd left them behind. Left them the one place she'd never imagined he'd ever want them to be. Smiling slightly she picked them up the cold metal sliding through the satin of her glove and glanced at the door.

Slipping them over her head she welcomed the cold touch between her breasts before she whirled to run toward the door, jerking it open and nearly running Scott down in the process.

"Rogue!" Scott growled stumbling back.

"Can't talk now," she panted as she ran toward the stairs. He cared! He had to, she couldn't be wrong. Logan really, really cared about her! Ducking past Storm who'd stepped onto the landing Marie tore down the stairs her boots pounding on the hardwood as she headed for the garage. With any luck she could catch him, could find him before he left.

This time I knew that if I left I couldn't, wouldn't really be coming back and the thought gave me pause. Could I really leave her, leave the only good thing in my life? If I stayed she'd know and didn't want to stop her from living, I just want her to be happy. Staring at Scott's bike I growl and dropped my damn bag on the ground.

Damn it I don't want to go, I don't want to just leave her like that and yet part of me knows it's the only way. With a self-depreciating shake of my head I straddle the bike, and crank it over, stowing my gear I roll out of the garage and glance once behind me at the house, my hand going to the base of my throat where my tags used to rest. I've left them behind, for her. Someday when she's forgiven me maybe she'll think about why I did it, why I left her the only thing I ever had that was something I could give her.

Listening to the roar of the bike I swear, I envy those pieces of scrap, they'll get to do something I'll never be able to do, never be able to experience and it hurts. Revving the engine I head down the drive ignoring the way the gates open as I rolled through them. Stopping on the other side I check for traffic, check to make sure that there aren't any roadblocks in my way and feel my shoulder's slump. I can't do it.

Sitting there with the engine purring beneath me, with the darkness of the night swirling around me I stare at the cast of the light as I wait for my senses to regain control. I need to get out of here before everyone knows that I'm a perverted bastard and yet I can't hit the accelerator. I can't just leave her.

Hearing something I tense, maybe Scooter decided he didn't want me taking his bike. I think as I shift, my muscles bunching only to breath a sharp sigh of relief hidden beneath a growl as my eyes fasten on a pair of silvery tog tags nestled between a pair of pale, creamy breasts.

"Logan"

Closing my eyes I slump over the handlebars, I can hear her heart pounding, smell the sweat that clings to her and know she's ran to catch up with me. She wasn't suppose to find them until later, wasn't suppose to know what they mean this soon.

"Marie." The word is a plea, a plea for something I'm not sure I'll ever be able to have and yet I can't make myself take it back. "Go inside." The soft command is hollow, as hollow as I am as I sit there listening to the night sounds come alive, to Marie's soft breathing and the echoes of my own fear in my mind.

"Don't go Logan. Please," Marie whispers as she moved toward me, her hands covered with the dark satin she wears and I growl low in my throat.

She has no reason to wear them around me; I don't care about her skin, about the threat. I've already been exposed, been touched by her and the feel of satin isn't nearly as soft as her skin. I'd die for her in a heartbeat, that much is clear; I've proven it twice now. Twice I've touched her without worrying about it, without a thought to myself and I'm still alive. The last time put me in a coma for a few days but hell that's okay, I don't care, never did. Not since I let her take a ride in my battered camper instead of dumping her in the middle of the Alberta winter.

"I can't stay," I whisper back and glance at her in this strange, silent standoff. There's more at stake than just pride, more at stake that just easing her fears. If I stay I'll take what's mine, what I'm not willing to share and be damned. I know it, hell she knows it, she's got me in her head and that in itself scares me.

"Please." The soft whisper, softer than satin and yet it struck me like a blow from Sabretooth or even Magneto. Deep down I know that I can't refuse her anything, but I also know that I can't ease her pain this way. I can't help her with this, because I know that I'm not letting go. I'm just stepping back to watch from a distance until she's safe and then I'll let myself feel the pain, let myself release her.

"Marie I can't."

"Then I'm coming with you," she replied shivering slightly as the night cools.

God the need to pull her to me is so strong, and yet I resist it. I can't let her know this is costing me big time, can't let her see that I want more than she's ever going to give. So I close my eyes, shift on the bike and put my hand on the accelerator. I have to go.

I jump slightly when I feel her shift, when her arms come around my waist and I tense like she's hit me. Not that she'd ever be able to hurt me physically but still.. "Marie go back inside."

"No," Marie whispered softly in my ear. "There isn't anything there for me without you. I know you loved her Logan, I know you don't need me like that but I want to be where you are. If you run, I'll follow." The threat was real she knew it, knew that out there she was unprotected, and she knew he'd never allow it.

"Kid you gotta stay.."

"I'm not a kid," Marie replied shifting, moving so she was closer to him. "I'm a grown woman capable of making my own decisions. You go. I go."

Turning slightly on the bike I stare at her in the faint glow of a streetlight that comes on. Like the proverbial light that comes on over your head when you get an idea I stare at her in shock.

Maybe she does know, maybe she does need more from me than just a burly protector - even if I'm not so sure I've ever been that good at that. "Marie."

The soft satin on my lips stops me from speaking. "I know," she whispers to me, her eyes clear; yet shimmering as she reaches up to touch the dog tags. "These are all you've ever had, what you've never really let go willingly. Yet you've left them for me twice now. Perhaps its time we stopped fighting what we are?"

"What are we?"

Smiling, her eyes twinkling she looks at me. "Friends and maybe someday more than that, but for always we're together."

Nodding I swallow. "If I stay Marie, its gonna mean some changes."

"I know," she replies and I know. She has always known, that no matter how much I've run, how far I've gone I've always held her in my heart, in my head and if I stay, its gonna be us against them, and by them I mean anyone else but her and I - not just the Brotherhood.

With a resigned sigh I turn the bike around and head back up the drive, the feel of Marie pressed against me easing the pain I've never really allowed myself to admit to feeling! God sometimes I hate the way life works, and other times, times like these I'm very glad my girl understand me the way she does. Because down deep, this is one revelation that's been a long, long time coming.