The setting: A hole in the wall bar that’s moderately friendly to mutants (and apparently clones).

The scene begins with Engines Logan ordering a whiskey. Because whiskey. He’s mostly alone in the bar save a few scary looking lowlifes. The bar could be anywhere. Westchester. Edmonton. Miami. Who fucking knows. Reality is not our main goal here. Enter Fray Logan, looking somewhat older with greying hair, also looking fucking pissed. We will learn why…

Fray Logan: *enters bar* There you are, you fucking idiot.

Engines Logan: What the hell?

Fray Logan: I have a mind to throw you through the window over there, save that I like this joint and don’t wanna put the owner out a couple grand.

Engines Logan: Who the fuck are you?

Fray Logan: Probably your older, wiser self, from a canonical universe and not some shit alternative one.

Engines Logan: The fuck?

Fray Logan: Why the hell are you fucking around with a seventeen year old girl?

Engines Logan: The fuck?

Fray Logan: I waited years, fucking years, bub, until she was old enough.

Engines Logan: Whoa hold on a fucking second. That’s a goddamn lie.

Fray Logan: And how the hell would you know?

Engines Logan: Obvious, yeah? You got a few fucking movies about it. Ya left her, like the sorry asshole you are. Went and cried yerself to sleep every night for a few years in Canada or Japan or whatever over Jean…

Fray Logan: Don’t you dare bring up Jeannie.

Engines Logan: Right. We can’t fucking do that. This is a Rogan fic. Technically.

Fray Logan: What the hell are you talking about? I’m the one that found you.

Engines Logan: *sighs* I don’t fucking know. You want a drink? You look like shit.

Dimension 2 Logan: *enters bar* What the fuck is going on here? Where the fuck are we? Why are there three of us? This some Stryker bullshit?

ALL: Fuckin’ Stryker.

Flash Point Logan: *enters bar* Four

Dimension 2 Logan: The fuck? Where did you come from?

Flash Point Logan: The woods. I was much happier there. Get me a fuckin’ whiskey.

Engines Logan: Get yer own, bub. *sniffs and narrows eyes dangerously* why do you smell like Rogue?

Fray Logan: You assholes need to calm down. And you *pointing at Engines Logan* you don’t even fucking know you’re a mutant. So shut the hell up.

Engines Logan: What’s a mutant?

ALL: *sigh*

Dimensions 2 Logan: Ya know, I’ve had more than my fair share of this alternate universe bullshit. What the fuck is going on? Any of you fucks have a clue?

Striking Dissonance Logan: *enters bar* I think this is the fuckin’ AU to end all AU’s, bub.

Dimension 2 Logan: The fuck is “AU”? I just toldja I had enough of this alternate universe shit. Need to get back to Rogue, make sure she’s still in bed…

Engines Logan: You’re fuckin’ that one up real good, by the way. Do you even know what the hell you have? A fucking second chance. And yer fuckin’ around like some goddamn childish idiot, giving that beautiful woman the cold shoulder just because yer feelings got hurt.

Dimension 2 Logan: I just said I had to make sure she was still in bed, asshole. Don’t you think I got over myself?

Engines Logan: Oh sorry. Wasn’t sure where we were at in your story.

Striking Dissonance Logan: Story?

Engines Logan: Shut the fuck up. Don’t get me started on you. Ten years?

Striking Dissonance Logan: What?!

Fray Logan: Ten. Years. Fuck. Just get over it already.

Engines Logan: Yeah. I’m about to hop in bed with Rogue and I’ve known her four days.

ALL: Four days?!

Engines Logan: ….. Yer all fucking stupid if you wait longer than that.

ALL: *silence* *whiskey* *whiskey* *silence*

Fray Logan: Ya know. I had to deal with the fuckin; canon over here. Don’t see any of you assholes havin’ to put up with that problem.

Flash Point Logan: Watch it there, bub. I was on yer path too ya know. But I got my head out of my ass way sooner. Didn’t need to travel through time or whatever bullshit you did.

Fray Logan: Wasn’t my fucking fault I had to save the goddamn world. Chuck put me up to it. And besides, you try keepin’ those timelines straight in yer fucking head then come talk to me. You had to deal with three measly fuckin’ chapters. I was put through the torture of 23 of ‘em, plus another 11, plus an epilogue, and maybe even another sequel, even though I’m technically fuckin’ dead. 255,251 words and counting. And I’m as tired as fuck. So shut the fuck up.

Flash Point Logan: *grumbles*

No Sanctuary Logan: *enters bar* Hey. Who the fuck are you guys?

ALL: Jesus fuck!

Fray Logan: Shit. Forgot about this one.

Striking Dissonance Logan: Fuck off out of here. You got your happy ending.

No Sanctuary Logan: Oh. Yeah. Real happy. Had to watch Rogue tortured before my eyes, had to watch that fuckin’ cat -

Fray Logan: Don’t start, you fuckin’ asshole. Tortured for like what? Four weeks? I watched Marie die. Twice. Then I died.

Engines Logan: Technically she didn’t die either time. And you can’t die.

Fray Logan: All of you assholes are eventually going to die. Fucking shitty ass telomeres, man.

No Sanctuary Logan: Someone had better explain what the hell is goin’ on here. And what the fuck are teflomers?

Engines Logan: We probably are already dead and in fuckin’ hell. Feels like hell.

Flash Point Logan: Or some lame AU.

Dimension 2 Logan: No more fuckin’ AUs!

Fray Logan: You wanna deal with canon some more? Be my goddamn guest.

No Sanctuary Logan: *mumbling something about using a canon on somebody right now*

Flash Point Logan: Let’s go, you spoiled dick.

Engines Logan: Happy to oblige anyone lookin’ to get their asses kicked.

Fray Logan: For chrissakes…

Dimensions 2 Logan: Hey. Why the fuck am I “Dimensions 2 Logan?” That mean there’s another fuckin’ Logan out there?

ALL: Umm. *whiskey*

Fray Logan: ……#spoilers

ALL: *All the whiskey*