I let it fall, my heart
And as it fell you rose to claim it
It was dark and I was over
Until you kissed my lips and saved me

You saved my life more than once and even once was enough for me to fall in love with you. If I was being truly honest with myself I was in love with you the moment I set my eyes on you. I fell in love with the muscles that flexed and stretched under the skin of your back. I fell in love with your growled curses and angry roar. I fell in love with your wild hair and the points that not even a shower could get rid of. I loved your long sideburns, your angry scowl and even the stupid nickname you chose for me, kid. I hadn’t been a kid for many months. You grew up fast the way I was living before we met. A few too many times I’d trusted the wrong person had left me wary of everyone. I should have been afraid of you but even then, I knew that we were meant to meet and I was meant to follow you. So I stowed in the back of your trailer and I’m sure it surprised you as much as it did me that you let me stay.

My hands, they’re strong
But my knees were far too weak,
To stand in your arms
Without falling to your feet

I was lost the moment you smiled at me. Lost in the fantasy that you could possibly want someone like me. A fantasy that everyone let me nurture, let me think wasn’t a mere fantasy. I truly believed that you wouldn’t need my touch; I believed that you could live without skin to skin contact as long as you had me. I was a foolish girl at nineteen. A foolish headstrong girl that believed hundreds of years of other people’s experiences could make me as wise as they were. It made me reckless and cocky and sure of something that was merely a game to you. I was secure in the knowledge that you could never stray. Our love was too strong for that.

But there’s a side to you
That I never knew, never knew
All the things you’d say
They were never true, never true,
And the games you play
You would always win, always win

The Wolverine had always made it clear to me that I was his and he was mine. I loved the Wolverine as much as I loved Logan, in many ways I loved him more. He was the one that kept me safe, that would risk anything to keep me safe. Wolverine was the side that Logan hated and feared. I was mistaken in the belief that Logan and Wolverine were on the same page about me. While Wolverine knew I was his, Logan had no such certainty. He felt I was too young, felt that I was too inexperienced. He hated that we were together, but he loved me in his own way. He would never purposely hurt me. He knew that fighting the Wolverine on this was futile and in doing so he would just hurt me. Logan was the one I saw during the day; cool, civilized Logan that did his best not to flirt openly with me nearby. At first I didn’t mind. Flirting was one thing, I myself flirted with Remy on occasion. It should have worried me that Logan seemed not to mind. Sometimes he almost seemed to encourage it. Wolverine hated it and he was very vocal about it at night. I soothed him and reassured him that he was all I could want. I was not all that Logan could want, not everything that he needed. It was my fault that I didn’t realize it sooner. People began to give me sympathetic smiles and began to avoid looking me in the eyes. It wasn’t until St. John made a sniggering remark about the noise that came from my room when I was on a mission that I finally began to suspect. So I asked the professor if I could remain behind on a mission and if he could do me the courtesy of not telling Logan. I had a surprise for him. The professor seemed delighted, but the Erik in my head told me he was worried. That night I covered my scent with perfume and I hid in the closet. I was worried about any movement. Logan’s hearing was very acute and I believed that my unsteady breathing would give me away. I needn’t have worried. They came crashing in the door, tongues shoved down each other’s throats, bodies plastered together, clothes flying everywhere in their haste to get undressed. I made a noise somewhere between a sob and a moan and Logan froze. He dropped Jean on the bed. If I hadn’t been too heart-broken I might have laughed at how abrupt Jean landed or the sound she made when she landed. As it was I could barely see past the tears streaming down my face as I burst out of the closet and ran for the door.

“Jesus, kid! Wait! MARIE!!”

The last word was ripped out of his throat. The last word was roared by Wolverine. She wanted to drop to her knees, she wanted to scream at the pain that was ripping her heart to pieces. And she wanted to turn around and comfort the man she was leaving behind. Wolverine needed her, just as much as she needed him. Logan hated one, and loathed his connection with the other, that much was clear. Logan had ripped them apart. She made it as far as the entranceway in the foyer before Logan caught her. He was shirtless, barefoot and the buttons on the fly of his jeans were undone. His dishevelled hair and the scratches that were already healing on his back left no doubt as to what he’d been doing. Rogue was as ever, covered head to foot in clothing and her tear-stained face made it clear he hadn’t been doing it with her.

But I set fire to the rain,
Watched it pour as I touched your face,
Well it burned while cried
‘Cause I heard it screaming out your name, your name!

“Wait kid!”

She turned at the door, unable to undo the complicated locks in her distress. She ran to the left and Logan caught her quickly, grabbing her by the arms and forcing her to face him. She lashed out at him and scratched his face and kneed him hard in the balls in an attempt to get him to let her go. He shook her roughly and called her name repeatedly in an effort to get her to listen.

“NOOO!!!” She screamed. “DON”T TOUCH ME!!” She couldn’t bear the thought of him touching her with his hands, hands that had just been touching, squeezing, fondling Jean.

He dropped his hands immediately and jumped away as if burnt. She put her hands in front of her and backed away from him. “Don’t you dare touch me. Don’t you ever touch me again!”

“Marie?” The hurt in his eyes almost broke her.

“No! No, Logan. You don’t deserve to call me that.”

Her heart was threatening to shatter. She could hear Wolverine pleading in her mind, pleading for her to forgive them, to give them another chance. Marie wanted so badly to believe that Logan could be faithful that he could remain true to her and their relationship but she’d just been proven wrong. And every single person in this mansion had known. Marie was soft and loving and warm, trusting and so in love with Logan that she was blinded to his faults. She’d known he’d been cheating on her. She’d known when she could smell Jean on their bed, in their sheets. She’d known when Jean had laughed at her weak attempts at dressing seductively. She’d known when Jean had told her that she could never satisfy Logan. The unspoken words ‘like I can,’ were always left hanging in the air. She’d known but shoved the knowledge deep down where it couldn’t haunt her.

And the Rogue in her knew that Marie would never be able to let Logan go. So she hid Marie in the farthest corner of her mind, shielded her from the pain and the heartbreak. And she lived up to her name in that moment. Marie was gone, Rogue was left to fill the void. Rogue could face facts, and the fact was that no matter how much the Wolverine wanted her, Logan could not accept her. Logan did not love her, Logan did not need her, Logan would never want her. So she hardened her heart, forced away any feeling of softness towards Logan and the Wolverine and she made the decision she needed to, a decision that would let her survive Logan’s betrayal.

“Just go Logan.”

“Marie, please…”

“No! I didn’t deserve this! I loved you! I LOVED YOU!!” She gestured at the door. “Go Logan. And take your whore with you.” With that she turned her back on Logan. As she walked up the steps she passed a smug looking Jean. She slapped Jean with her glove off and took satisfaction in the feelings of pain and horror that she siphoned off her before she fell down the stairs. There were gasps of disbelief but those that mattered to her were smiling at her triumphantly. Logan called her name one more time.

She turned back and walked back to him. For a moment she touched his face with her glove on. She smiled up at him. “Logan, sugah…get the fuck out of my face. I don’t need you, you don’t deserve me and I’m better off without you. And ah told you once, I won’t tell yah again. Don’t you evah use that name again. Mah name’s Rogue.” She turned and walked away.

Everyone’s eyes were on her as she made her exit. She was glad that no one could see her face or the tears she’d failed to keep inside. Her heart called out for him, her body shook from the hold she held tightly to it. So tightly so she wouldn’t turn back around and beg Logan to love her like she’d loved him. No one saw the tears that slid down Logan’s face, or the fists that he clenched so hard to keep from reaching for her. No one saw his lips mouth her name silently or heard the whimper that escaped weakly from his throat. He turned his back on the urge to run after her and fix the empty look in her eyes. She was right, she was better without him in her life and she’d made it very clear.

He walked out the door and closed the door on his past with a quiet click.

Two days later…

When I lay with you
I could stay there
Close my eyes
Feel you here forever
You and me together
Nothing is better

Sometimes I wake up by the door,
That heart you caught must be waiting for you
Even now when we’re already over
I can’t help myself from looking for you.

Marie was dreaming. Logan was holding her after the first time they made love. He’d stayed the night and her head was now resting on his chest. He was comfier than her pillow which probably didn’t make any sense. His skin would be soft, she knew, even if she couldn’t feel it. His chest was covered in hair and his muscles were firm under her head. She loved the sound of his heartbeat and loved the gentle movements of his chest as he breathed in and out. She could stay here forever.

She breathed in deeply expecting to breathe in Logan’s scent. Instead she breathed in the scent of pine sol. She groaned and rolled from her stomach onto her back. Rogue opened her eyes and looked around blurrily. Where the hell was she? She groaned again when she tried to stand. She was lying on the cold tiled floor in the foyer, right in front of the door. Marie had been dreaming. Rogue did her best to shield her weaker side from the reality of Logan leaving them but she was most vulnerable at night. Marie dreamed of the past and was prone to sleepwalking. Many mornings Rogue found herself awaking in front of the door. Marie was telling her in her own way that she wanted to go after Logan. Rogue shoved Marie back in annoyance. Logan was gone. Marie would learn to deal.

I set fire to the rain,
Watched it pour as I touched your face,
Well, it burned while I cried
‘Cause I heard it screaming out your name, your name!

I set fire to the rain,
And I threw us into the flames
Where it felt something die
‘Cause I knew that that was the last time, the last time, ohhhh!

Oh nooo
Let it burn, oh
Let it burn
Let it burn