I took another gulp of my margarita, trying to be discrete every time I ordered a refill. I sat in the middle of a loud bar surrounded by rowdy ‘people’ dancing and drinking. Everyone had been invited out for Jubilee’s birthday, now of legal age, she had insured that everyone would come tonight, as though it were some kind of historic event. She had always been that kind of person. I believe there will be another party tomorrow for her ‘closer’ friends, and then a slumber party for her even ‘closer’ friends. I popped a few more pretzels in my mouth as I shook my head to myself, before seeing someone out of the corner of my eye.

“Lemme buy you a drink.” He murmured, his voice the low growl that I had become very accustomed to. He was wearing his usual attire, pair of grease covered jeans from being in the shop too long, a white t-shirt and his favourite leather jacket. I took a deep breath before smirking at his offer.

“Sorry, I’m done after this one.” I shrugged casually with a smile. “I think I’m an alcoholic.” I grabbed another handful of pretzels and popped a few in my mouth. The crunch made it easier to avoid eye contact.
One eyebrow raised as he studied my expression before turning towards my drink and smiling smugly. “Dontcha need liquor in there to be an alcoholic?”

Busted. He must be able to smell the lack of booze in my margarita. I cringed a bit, trying to avoid questions.

“Look kid, if ya don’ wanna drink just tell me.” He shoved a hand in his pocket as he took the empty seat next to me. “Just don’ lie to me.” He pulled out a cigar and lit it, before noticing the way my eyes followed the smoke. He offered me one, and the Logan in my mind growled with anticipation, but I shook my head. He shrugged.

I took another sip of my margarita. “I don’t want to drink.” I answered calmly.
He nodded. “That’s fine.” He glanced towards the dance floor where Remy twirled Jubes around. Then he turned back to me. “Why aren’tcha out there then?”

One more last gulp of my drink. “I don’t feel like dancing.” His head tilted to the side a bit. “I’m just feeling sick.” I said immediately, before realizing that was the wrong thing to say. “Headache.” I supplied as he looked more and more confused.

He gulped down the rest of his beer while looking like he was trying to restrain laughter. “You always were a shit liar.” He commented with an amused grin. I started to defend myself; come up with some kind of good come back to snip him with, but we were interrupted.

“You want to head home soon chere?” Remy asked, his thick Cajun accent coating his words.
“C’mon.” Logan nudged me gently, like a puppy wanting a pat. “Stay for midnight.” He grinned seductively, clearly with indecent thoughts. But those brown eyes of his had too much power over me. I couldn’t resist if I tried. That’s what got me into this jam.

I glanced over to Remy with a guilty smile. He just rolled his eyes at me and started walking away “I’ll see you at home.” But not before I caught the glare he shot at Logan, who simply smirked in response.
“He doesn’t like me much.” Logan pointed out.

“It’s not like you roll out the welcome wagon.” I finally noticed Logan’s complex expression. He seemed more concentrated than usual. Usually he didn’t pay much attention to anything, but the way he stared at me made me very nervous. Ignoring him I ate some more pretzels.

“Hungry?”
“Huh?”
“You’re eating a lot of those.”
“Oh. Yeah.”

He raised one eyebrow, folding his arms across his chest. “You gonna tell me what’s wrong?”
I shrugged casually. “I’m just not feeling well.” I grumbled. “I should go home.”
As I stood he rose with me and took my arm, swiftly pushing a bill across the table to the bartender. “I’ll give you a ride.” With that he started dragging me out.

“I thought you didn’t want to leave.” I challenged darkly.
“I changed my mind.”
I glared and let him drag me out of the bar, trying not to think about how upset Remy would be when he found out I had left so soon after him.

***

I dug my spoon deep into the carton of chocolate mint ice-cream, wondering whether or not my favourite burger place was still open, though I doubted it. Few places were open at 4 am. I took a deep breath, that that would sort my thoughts as I searched the cupboards for something yummy. I finally found a bag of stale chips but munched on them anyways, it was better than the suddenly repulsive smell of leftover meatloaf.

“You’re the loudest—” I jumped, choking slightly on the chips which sent me into a whirl of cough attacks. “—Snack searcher in the entire mansion you know.” Hank paused and watched me hack for a moment. “Sorry for scaring you.”

When I finally got a hold of myself I shot my worst glare at him. “Normal people can’t hear me.” The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them. He had obviously taken offence. With a curt nod he made his way over to the counter by my side.

“That may be true. But how many ‘normal people’ reside here?” A slight smile and he changed the subject. “I’ve never seen you up this late.”
I put the lid on my ice-cream and started rolling up the chip bag to put it away. “I can’t sleep.”
He watched as I failed miserably at distracting myself. “A lot on the mind?”
“You could say that.”

He nodded slowly, before walking over to the fridge door and pulling out the milk, and then a deep pan which he proceeded to place on the stove and heat up. “This used to help me sleep when I was having difficulty.” As he warmed the milk he continued to speak. “Honey is known as a compound made up of fructooligosaccharides.” He started to explain when he saw my confused expression. “They’re fructose sugar molecules linked together in long chains... Also available in milk. The combination of the two is not only calming but aids in digestion as well.” He smiled to himself as he stirred in the honey and poured it into two mugs, handing one to me.

“Thanks.” I murmured.
He nodded. “Some women choose to have the addition of lemon.” He shrugged and leaned against the counter, taking a sip. “But that’s simply because it’s beneficial for unborn children.”
“Hank!” I gasped suddenly, but he just waited. I clenched my teeth and squeezed my eyes closed a moment before glaring at him. “How long have you known?”

“It was just a hunch. And you’re not very discrete with the sudden change in your eating habits.” I moaned slightly trying to think of something to say to fix things in the slightest. He took my hand “When you’re ready to talk, I’m here.” I couldn’t think of one thing to say to him, so Hank simply walked to the fridge, grabbed a lemon and set it on the counter beside me.

“The calcium helps build the bones.” He called over his shoulder as he walked out. He paused in the doorway, turning to look at me with that perplexed expression of his. Genuinely curious. “One question,” He said slowly.

“Whose is it?”

I held my warm milk in my hands a long while after my talk with Hank, stunned. Like actually telling someone had made it clear that I wasn’t dreaming or anything of the sort. I made my way out to the back porch to grab a seat on the gazebo and finish the milk when I saw him standing outside the window. Facing away, having a cigar as usual. A strong part of me said to walk away and not to engage in any form of discussion with him.

But it didn’t make me any less weak.

“You’re awake too?” I said softly as I walked out and sat on the bench next to him. He smiled slightly when he saw me, but didn’t react other than that. I hated the way his one small grin had enough in it to send a whirl of butterflies through my stomach, and I felt it all over again. I forced myself to regain concentration. “What’s keeping you up?”

He glanced away from me a moment, like he was deciding whether or not to tell me, then he shrugged casually. “Thoughts.” He admitted vaguely. I decided not to press, seeing as he would tell me if he wanted me to know. Instead we just sat there in comfortable silence for a moment. “I’m sorry... about the spring fling.”

I blinked. “Please don’t.”
“Kid...”
“No, we said we wouldn’t talk about it.” I felt the anger build inside. That untamed aggression of not wanting to listen to this and not wanting to talk about anything to do with my current predicament. I didn’t want to deal with this right now. I just couldn’t deal with this right now. I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t ready to tell him the truth.

“We’re alone.” He said sternly, his voice with a surprising level of authority. “We can talk.”
I took a deep breath resisting my sudden urge to stand up as I tried to sound like I was joking around. “Well it’s a spring ‘fling’ for a reason ain’t it?”
“You wouldn’t have if I hadn’t pushed you to—” He interrupted easily.
“I think I’m ready to go back to sleep—”
“And you were drinking, so I shouldn’t have let you—”
“I’m gonna go—” He grabbed my arm with a fierce grip and held me in place.
“Let me apologize.” His voice a tired grumble, dark and untameable.

I looked into his eyes, warm as melted chocolate staring into mine with the utmost importance. I ran one hand through my hair. “You didn’t do anything wrong.” He was shaking his head before I finished.
“You were drunk.”
“I was sober enough to know that it was mutual so stop acting like you raped me, I’m not a child anymore.”

That stopped him dead in his tracks. But I had no words for the look on his face when I said that. His eyes had softened briefly before his expression hardened into the mask that I had never seen him wear while looking at me. I had to look away.

I stood, gulped down the rest of my milk and walked back into the mansion desperately trying not to cry. I found my pace faster than normal as I made my way through the dining room, past the fireplace and up the stairs towards my bedroom. I wasn’t going to cry. I simply refused. I rushed down my hall and opened the door to my bedroom with a quiet sigh, closing it gently behind me. I crawled back into bed, clamping my eyes closed determined to fall asleep.

Remy’s warm arm curled around my waist pulling me closer to him, the usual embrace we slept in. “You okay?”
I nodded to myself. “Yeah.” I whispered.

***

May 14th
3 Weeks Prior

My eyes trailed across the empty enclosed tennis court, focussing in on the distant lights and the glistening of the grass after fresh rain. The smell, I’d never forget that lush smell of damp soil and the brisk spring air. Everything was moist, cool, something made it all sparkle a bit. I stretched my legs out in front of me, closed my eyes and tipped my head up to feel a small sprinkle of rain mist over my face.

“How long before Gumbo realizes you’re missing?” Logan asked, as he uncorked a bottle of champagne next to me. I motioned vaguely, not really caring. I heard a small snicker from him after my nonchalant answer and he handed me my glass, and picked up his beer. “Well, here’s to another spring fling.”

I clinked my glass against his, acting overly bubbly. “Whoop dee doo.” I took a gulp and rolled my eyes as I looked down at my white lace sun dress that fell just above my knees, but had gotten wet from the last rainfall. “Why d’ya think Xavier throws these things?” If I mispronounced his name, I didn’t notice. All I was aware of was the fact that my southern accent leaked into my voice when I was tipsy.

Logan smiled down towards the ground, as though to hide his amusement at my lack of weight when it came to holding liquor. Wasn’t my fault Remy kept getting me shots, hoping I would go to bed soon so he could show off his dancing skills without my speculating eyes. “After you finish that, we’re going to bed.”

“We?” I emphasized the word, dragging it out dramatically.
“Not what I meant,” Logan shook his head, chuckling.
I leaned against his shoulder, closing my eyes. “Why not?”
He let out one harsh laugh, but it lacked the humour his voice usually had. “Don’t ask me that.”

I peered up at him from where my head rested, trying to understand the tone he was using. Sober me didn’t understand Logan, who could possibly expect drunk me to? “Ah’m honestly curious Logan.” He looked down at me as I spoke, his eyes smouldering me till I lost my train of thought. Words jumbled in my mind. I couldn’t for the life of me put together a sentence.

He lifted one slow and gentle hand to caress my cheek, pushing a white strand of hair out of my eyes with his thumb. I could hear thunder a small distance away, crackling like the sound of a whip, anticipating Logan’s next move.

I wound my hands into the hair on the back of his head, knotting my fingers through his curls. His lips curved into a little smug smirk, as he leaned his face closer to mine. “If I kissed you right now,” he paused. “Would you kill me?”

I couldn’t help but laugh at that. “Only if you’re into that.” I murmured with a small grin. His smile grew slightly before he pulled me closer, maintaining eye contact with one tender movement his lips caught mine. My heart sputtered and sped as the urgency grew into a heavy passion.

My hands shakily found their way up his shirt, his chest warm against my fingers. The heat of his palms slid up my legs, pulling one around his torso so I was straddling him. And almost timidly, his fingers nimbly pushed my dress up my thighs and finally up to my hips. I knew that my breathing was heavy when I started undoing his belt and suddenly he paused with his lips on my neck, close to my ear.

His voice was a small panting whisper. “Are you sure?”
I kissed the nape of his neck gently, breathing hard. In the back of my mind I could hear the Remy in my head hissing dark and devious French swears, but I had gotten used to ignoring him. “Yes.” I breathed against his skin as I felt the air moisten, and the rain began to fall again.

I rolled over in my bed clutching my pillow closer to me and keeping my eyes closed though I most certainly was awake. Remy had already left a good hour ago, he was always doing that. Said he needed to eat early. I rolled my eyes to myself. My room seemed warmer than usual, so immediately I wanted a shower but more than anything I wanted to sleep more. But it was Saturday and I had already hit my alarm to snooze twice. It was time for training with Logan.

More people hated it because he was so ridiculously harsh. I’ll admit that he was more evil when it came to blood and sweat than a Russian ballet teacher. He was all about pushing yourself to extremes and not giving in even when your entire body is screaming, burning. But that’s what I loved about his boot camp. It was always so satisfying after.

I hopped out of bed and threw on my black shorts and black tank tip, pulling my hair messily into a ponytail that I knew looked horrible but I really couldn’t care less. Running shoes, track sweater and I was ready. I glanced at my reflection in the long mirror as I started walking out of my room but paused.

I stared down at my stomach for a brief moment, sucking it in as far as it could go for a second, and then letting it all out the next. I really couldn’t picture myself with one of those giant balloons under my skin. I clenched my teeth and grabbed the most circular pillow I could find and shoved it under my shirt and tried to envision myself with it. I stretched by arms upward as I watched body adjust to having this massive lump there and then suddenly I heard something.

All at once the door opened and there I was caught with this damn pillow under my shirt and absolutely no explanation. I ripped it out immediately but not before Logan saw what I was doing. He said nothing for a moment, suppressing a small smile. “What—” He chuckled slightly. “What are you doing?”

I gripped the pillow tight in one fist. “Nothing.”
“Nothing?” He repeated.
I paused “Yoga.”
“Yoga?”
“Yes. Yoga. That’s what I was doing.”

He raised a simple eyebrow with possibly the biggest smirk I have ever seen on his face. “I didn’t realize yoga had a pose that involved pretending you were pregnant.”
My heart jumped. Caught red handed. I tried to laugh. “A girl can dream.”
“Oh.” He nodded, closing the door behind him and leaning against it. “I was worried you were mad at me.”

“About what?” I tried to act indifferent.
He closed his eyes and rubbed his face. “Can we just have an adult conversation about this?” He muttered angrily. “I didn’t go about talking about it the right way, I get it. But you could try to not brush this off like it was nothing.”

I took in a deep breath. “Do I have to be the one to say it never should have happened?”
His brown eyes flared with sudden fire. “Do you mean that?”
I clenched my teeth closing my eyes. “No I just…” I sat down on my bed covering my face angrily. “I’m just… Fuck it just shouldn’t have happened like that. This is all so damn complicated now.”

I felt the bed move as he sat down and put his arm around me. “It’ll be fine. We can get through it.”
I felt the tears forming in my eyes. “No, you don’t understand… I’m—I”
There was a knock at the door.

I stood, immediately taking a step away from Logan, a knee jerk reaction. I straightened my shirt, my hair and wiped away the tears on my cheek. “Come in.” I called, my voice strong and firm as I folded my arms across my chest.

Hank walked looking down at his tray of food. “I’ve brought you a healthy breakfast. Oatmeal with berries, a glass of orange juice and a glass of water alone with some almonds and pistachios without salt of course.” He stopped dead. “Oh, hi Logan.”

I watched as the confusion in Logan’s eyes slowly turned to something completely different. It was concentrated, focused. He glanced towards me, his expression darkly concerned. But I could see the light in his eyes as he was beginning to connect the dots. His teeth clenched through the silence, and I knew Hank was trying to think of something to say.

“I thought you’d be asleep.” He commented brightly, trying to break the silence.
Logan wouldn’t look at me. “She’s up for training.”
“You’re going to training?” Hank said with disbelief.

He still sat on the bed, but now he refused to make eye contact with neither Hank nor I. He just stared down at his hands which were now twined together, clenched. He cracked his neck and took a deep breath. “When were you going to tell me?”

“I—I don’t know.”
“You don’t know.” He quoted me sourly.
“It’s not really certain yet.” I said immediately.

Logan looked at Hank who walked over and set the tray down on my desk as he spoke. “Most tests can’t pick up hormone levels till the end of the fifth week.” He murmured quietly.

He nodded and ran one hand through his thick mess of hair. “Now.” He spoke slowly, trying to get a hold of himself. He glanced over at Hank for a moment, as though he was deciding whether or not to wait till we were alone. He said only three words when he finally looked at me. “Is it mine?”

I hesitated, my hands shaking even as I closed them into fists at my sides. “I don’t know.”

He didn’t react, he just looked down at the floor retracing his thoughts. He seemed to be trying to decide what to do or what to say. There was some strong unidentifiable emotion in his eyes as he sat there thinking. But I had never heard silence so loud, it brought the ringing in my ears to the surface as I tried to think of what to do for him. After a moment he stood, took one step towards me and took my hand. He squeezed it once, gently before walking towards the door. “You’re dismissed from training today. We’ll talk later.”

Hank watched him go before looking back at me.
He forced a smile. “That went well.”

Hank had asked me immediately whether or not I was worried that Logan would spread the word, but I knew that he wouldn’t. He had never been the type who needed to talk out his problems, and not only that, he was a friend before he was... well something more. I was sitting on the bed staring at the wall trying not to let my emotions get the better of me. Officially the only work outs I was allowed to do, involved swimming, mild walking and yoga.

I shook my head to myself as I turned on the TV and munched on the almonds that Hank had left me. He had also taken the liberty of bringing me prenatal vitamins and a constant supply of water. He also brought up one of my favourite movies, My Best Friend’s Wedding and put it on before I shut it off. It’s hard to relate to Julia Robert’s when I’m so stunningly concerned by the image of myself pushing a watermelon out of my—

Remy opened the door casually without a shirt dabbing a towel to his forehead and fixing his hair. He threw his t-shirt onto a nearby chair as he walked in and looked at me with a surprised expression. “You don’ look sick.” He commented quietly as he made his way into the bathroom to have his afternoon shower before dinner. I clenched my teeth and shrugged, he spoke without looking at me from around the corner in the bathroom. I heard him turn on the tap. “You musta been puking yor guts out this morning for ‘im to let you miss a training.”

“No.” I murmured slowly. “I wasn’t.”
The tap turned off and he poked his head around the corner to look at me. “You alrigh’ chere?” I nodded slowly, but tears were welling up in my eyes too quick to hide from him. “Woah, woah don’ cry. Is alright.” He was on the bed by my side in an instant with his arms around me. He lifted my chin with one hand so he could look at me, brushing away one tear with his thumb. “C’mon. Tell Remy what happened?”

I sucked in a deep breath. “In a sec, if I talk I’ll cry.” I stumbled slightly, attempting to get a hold of myself so that I could finally tell Remy what had been eating me all day. I had been preparing myself all this time that he was gone. He looked into my eyes a moment, waiting patiently. I closed my eyes as I spoke, trying not to think too hard or even breathe. “I slept with Logan.”

Silence. I felt his arms around me go rigid slightly, but he didn’t move. Just said nothing for a long moment. “I know.” He said finally.

“You knew?” I breathed as I looked at him. This is worse than I thought. He nodded, his eyes never leaving mine. They still looked concerned, quiet. Hiding. I paused a moment weighing his expression. “Why are you so calm?” I had expected far more of a reaction I admit. Maybe that was what I had wanted. Maybe I had wanted to fight.

“I have a confession as well.”
Those words hit hard, seemed difficult to even grasp what he was saying at first. But I watched his eyes grow more cautious as they darkened with the weight of what he had to tell me.

“Jube’s an I—”
“No.” I interrupted. Jubilee who had just turned twenty one. My teeth clenched. A full seven years younger than me. I had never felt so goddamn old. I hope that little bitch has something more than fireworks against me. I stood, repulsed and fully aware of how hypocritical I was.“You can’t be serious. You’re old enough to be her father.” I hissed.

“He’s old enough to be your father.” He spat at me, and paused. “Older.”
I glared, wanting desperately to hurt him. “I’m pregnant.” Silence again, but his ruby red eyes bore into mine, penetrating every surface. “I said I’m—”

“I heard you.” He interrupted me, still staring, but his eyes had gotten lighter. “Are you serious?” I nodded slowly. A wide grin spread across his face. “That’s incredible.” His voice so exhilarated as he reached over and hugged me tightly, pulling me against his chest in a wide embrace. But then, like a light dimming, his chest tightened as though he had realized something. He pulled away from me to look into my eyes.

“You and Logan...” He spoke slow, his voice coated with the shakiness of what he was insinuating.
I nodded once more and he glanced away from me, towards the window. After a long while of that he looked back at me and nodded mildly. “What’s done is done.” He told me sternly as he stood up. He leaned over me for a moment. “Remy need some time to think. We’ll talk later.”

***

I made my way down to the danger room, knowing it would be empty. I could still feel the physically draining environment that enveloped this room whenever Logan took charge. Several punching bags were on the ground nearby, creating a rather large looking couch. I sighed and sat down on it, looking around at what Hank wouldn’t let me do for another nine months.

“Hey milf.” Mother I’d Like To—
Never been called that before.

I awkwardly looked over my shoulder to see Logan coming out of the downstairs locker room in just his jeans pulling on a ripped wife beater. My heart stuttered briefly as he sauntered towards me, his awkwardness gone. I couldn’t help but be confused a bit. “Hey.”

“I’ve been thinking.”
I raised my eyebrows. “You have?”
He smirked at my surprise, standing over me now. “Yeah.”
“And?” I pushed him forward a bit.

He sank heavily down onto the space next to me. “If it’s not mine, I’ll still be there for the kid.” He paused as he said the word ‘kid’, like some realization had just hit him. He chuckled quietly, so quietly I almost didn’t hear him. “An’ if it is.” He took that moment to look at me, his eyes a melting chocolate brown. “We’ll figure it out.”

He wrapped one arm around me, pulling me close to him like he had when I was just seventeen. It was an intimate moment, tender and sweet. And then I saw his fist clench.

“But you better tell the Cajun to stay the fuck away from me.”

Things all began to move very fast then. Hank encouraged me to always have a healthy snack packed, seeing how likely I was to stop at a drive thru if I felt the slightest temptation. Now, I was only eating meals prepared by the most health obsessed nut in the world. Five weeks in, the circulatory system was developing. Five weeks in... Also meant it was time for something.

There were six pregnancy tests on the table in front of me. Waiting the necessary five minutes to “identify the hormones” as Hank put it. I was beginning to wonder about his level of commitment to this whole situation since the beginning. He was sitting on the couch next to me, Logan leaning against the wall on one side of the room and Remy was sitting on the pool table on the other.

I leaned back on the couch, awaiting the inevitable. One pink line meant not pregnant. Two pink lines meant pregnant. So basically, everyone in the room was focussed on the small birch coffee table in the centre of the room. I glanced around, my arms folded across my chest as I tried to find something to occupy myself with. “So.” I said awkwardly. “How bout them Yankees?”

Logan rolled his eyes at me, and Hank just took my hand. A mild suggestion to just keep my mouth shut. Not that it was necessary much longer. The first test was finished. And like dominos, the rest formed quickly after. I have never seen a more menacing pair of pink lines on a little pee stick in my life. Logan didn’t move, he knew from Hank’s reaction which was a bright grin. Remy kneeled next to us and looked carefully, and with a nod, kissed me on the top of the head and left the room claiming he had an errand to run.

Logan watched, his glare not fading till Gambit was a good distance away.
“When can we find out who the father is?”

Hank hesitated answering a moment. Clearly thinking about it. He took a deep breath and looked at me. “There’s a test we can do when you’re between eleven and thirteen weeks I believe. It is usually used to check for Down Syndrome and other genetic disorders and I have heard of a few cases where they can use this to determine paternity.”

“Sounds good to me.” I said getting up, wanting to get out of this room.
“What is it?” Logan mumbled. His voice a thick monotone, but demanding.
“It’s chorionic villus sampling; CVS.” Hank explained. “It takes cells from tiny finger like projections on the placenta called the chorionic villi and sends them for genetic analysis.”

He wasn’t convinced. “Is it safe?”
I was surprised to hear him ask so many questions. He wasn’t the type to show concern in anything.

“I’ll research the risks.”
“You do that.” With that Logan upped and left, but not without me excusing myself from Hank’s presence and following him out.

“You alright?” I asked cautiously behind him.
He took his time turning around to look at me. “I’m fine.” My eyes narrowed, so he just shrugged. “I’m trying to picture this play out is all,” he smiled down at the ground. “S’not like the kid’ll lack some male role models.” His posture said he was talking about Remy, his insinuating glance pointed to Hank.

I caught the underlying tone in his voice. “Hank’s just trying to help.”
“I know.” He murmured. “So how are you?”
I shrugged, imitating him slightly. “A little nauseous, Hank says it’s normal.”
Logan shook his head, taking a step towards me, he leaned over me. Looming. “No, I mean how are you?”

I couldn’t help but giggle a bit. “I’m fine. Ask me again when I’m fat.”
It was interesting to watch his expression change so quickly. Automatically from understanding to confusion and absolute amusement. “I forgot about that. Pregnant women think they’re fat.” He folded his arms across his chest with a small smile. His amusement was a little irritating to me, I simply couldn’t help but feel the desire to dish out a string of profanities.

“I won’t be sexy when I’m round Logan.” I muttered.

He sensed how agitated I was, and grew smug at that as well. But his hands found my hips and pulled me up against him as he leaned in, his chest puzzlingly perfect to press mine against. “We’ll see.” He murmured under his breath, like he didn’t want me to hear him. With that he leaned in slightly, his eyes focussed on my mouth. All my thoughts were focussed on one fact alone. The depressing fact that since I was no longer drunk, it wasn’t the alcohol’s influence that had sent those feelings through me making it so hard to resist him. It was me and me alone. So, like any awful unfaithful girl with a sexy hunk leaning in to kiss her, I succumbed.

“Oh! You two are still here.” Hank interrupted making Logan and I leap apart faster than two teenagers caught on their parent’s couch. He smirked a bit, but chose not to comment on it. “I’ll need some blood from both of you, I’m going to run a few tests.”

***

I had just swam twenty lengths in the outdoor pool, attempting to get some form of work out this week. It was depressing thinking about no physical exercise for nine months, but seeing as I was already exhausted... I had difficulty imagining myself doing this much when I was a balloon belly. I sighed lightly as I climbed onto the ledge of the pool trying to soak up some sun. I laid out my towel on a lawn chair and lay on my stomach, taking this time to tan my back.

I had only been there for a few minutes before I was interrupted. Jean walked by with that irritatingly flawless and toned body of hers, set out her towel and sat next to me, leaning back with sunglasses and a small smile.

It was difficult to feel sexy in my favourite olive green bikini with her in that skimpy red one, a little too revealing around the bottom and a little too perky in the front. I was pale, she was tanned. Her hair fell halfway down her back in long perfect auburn curls. My hair only just past my shoulders, was messy and still dripping from my swim. I felt like a duck next to Cinderella.

“So Rogue,” She said sweetly. “How are you?”
This was strange, considering Jean and I never honestly spoke. “I’m fine.”
“Missed you at training.” She commented quietly. “Logan doesn’t often excuse anyone.”
I felt myself go a little rigid, she can’t know anything. “Guess it’s just my charm.”
“He said it might be a while before you’re back.” She continued as she lathered suntan lotion onto her legs. “I was wondering why.”

I clenched my teeth slightly. Something told me she already knew. Taking a deep breath I glanced over at all the exposed skin on both of us, and considered the damage I could do touching her, trying to figure out what she knew. Instead, I tried to be diplomatic. “Did you read my mind or did you trick it out of someone?”

Her smile grew, a small agitating gesture. “I don’t have the same self restraint as the professor.”
I glared at her whole heartedly. “Obviously.” I hissed, thinking about her ‘other side.’
She clearly understood what I was referencing, and her eyes grew red with fire. “So when’s the happy announcement?” Her voice was taunting.
I stood, grabbing my towel off the chair so that I was above her. “I don’t know. When’s the happy announcement that you’re not a natural redhead?” Okay not my best insult but the fury in my stomach was beginning to make me sick with anger.

She rolled her eyes at me, as she got up off her seat with model like form. “Y’know Rogue. There’s a word for girls like you.”
I folded my arms across my chest. “Fertile?”
She just continued to glare at me, placing one fragile hand on her hip with a light laugh. “Let’s see how this all works out for you.” She said smugly and started to walk away. “Oh right,” she said over her shoulder. “Remy’s looking for you.”

I was watching My Best Friend’s Wedding with Hank when Remy finally found me. It’s no secret that when I’m told anyone is looking for me I automatically take cover and hide from whatever is so important that they’re trying to hunt me down and can’t simply wait until they run into me. So of course the most logical place to hide out was in the basement watching a movie.

I was allowed to eat popcorn. Without butter anyways. I knew Hank was taking my nutrition a little too far but since I had yet to decipher why he was so obsessed with my pregnancy I wasn’t able to confront him with my desire for a cheeseburger. It wasn’t pregnancy cravings I swear. I just freaking love cheeseburgers.

“Rogue, can I talk to you?” Remy murmured from the door. His voice shook.
Remy nervous was a very weird thing to see, it made me edgy. “Yeah, sure.” Hank eyed me for a second before turning back to the movie, not bothering to pause it for me since I had seen it so many times I could literally perform a scene by scene. Remy and I walked out into the hall, closing the door behind us.

“Want to go out for dinner?” He asked, looking like he wanted to continue walking upstairs. I caught on and continued walking. He walked a small distance behind me, a hand on the small of my back like a guide.

“I’m not hungry.” I admitted, unwilling to also say the fact I had no intention of leaving the mansion with my hair like this. He nodded slowly, his eyes on the floor. In silence, he led me outside onto the porch. It was getting dark out, the sun about to set on the horizon. The sky was on fire with all the different colours of orange and pink and red, while directly above us I was able to make out a few stars.

He leaned against the balcony, facing me while I looked out at the sunset. “We’ve been dating for two years.” He began. My heart dropped. Shit. I knew where this was headed.
“On an off.” I corrected quietly.
“We’ve had our problems, but I think it’s made us stronger...” He continued as though I hadn’t spoke.
“I think it’s kinda cold out here...” I whispered, out of breath. I started to walk in but he grabbed my wrist to hold me there, his gaze burning into mine.
“Please chere.” He murmured. “I love you.” His voice was strong, certain of everything he was saying. He held my hand in both of his as he lowered to one knee. “And I want to marry you, so...” Remy smiled a smile I had never seen before. It was a cheerful boyish smile. Like all his hope was placed in his next few words. “Will you marry me?”

The box he presented me was deep blue velvet, and when it snapped open it revealed a simple elegant diamond ring.

I clenched my teeth as the silence fell through me. I suddenly felt empty. I sucked in a breath and kneeled to the floor so that I was at eye level with him. “Remy...” My voice was almost a whimper. “Is this because I’m pregnant?”

He glanced away. “I’ve wanted to for a while, but now it just seems like the right time.”
I shook my head. “I’m sorry.” I whispered. “I can’t.” I pulled him to his feet and tried to hug him, but he stopped me.

“Is this because of Logan?”
“It’s because of a lot of things.” I murmured. I didn’t want to bring Logan into this conversation. “I think we need to take some time to think about things.”

Remy nodded, and pulled me into his arms. “When you’re ready chere, I’ll be waiting.”

***

I had been sitting on the porch for a long time reading, trying to get some air. Remy had left over an hour ago but I couldn’t bring myself to go inside. Jean had known that he was going to propose of course Which meant everyone knew. I didn’t want to have to deal with that, so I stayed outside, counted the stars and started rereading Persuasion.

The door opened behind me.

He sat down on the seat next to me, lit a cigar, took a puff and exhaled loudly. It was excruciating. He took a long time to speak, but I could feel him watching me. I just refused to look up from my book. I could hear the smile in his voice. “I hear you turned gumbo down.”

I still didn’t look up. “Oh did you?”
“He’s getting some good sympathy attention.” Logan commented, glancing back towards the mansion.
“That’s nice.”
“Jubilee sure is great at comforting. I had no idea she cared about him so much.”

I slammed my book closed. “Okay why’re you doing this to me?”
A sick grin spread across his face. “Just trying to get yur attention.”
I rolled my eyes at him, clutching my book to my chest. “Well you’ve got it. What do you want?”
He shrugged. “I can’t just want to spend some time with you?”
I clenched my teeth. “Oh.”

He laughed. “C’mon. I was just kidding. Cut me some slack. I’m a bit out of it.”
“You’re a bit out of it?” I demanded.
Logan sighed. “I’ve just been doing a lot of thinking.”
“About?”
“I’ll tell you when I know.” He grumbled. He took another puff of his cigar and noticed the way I followed the smoke. Suddenly it seemed like he realized something and jumped like it had scared the shit out of him. He pounded out his cigar into the ash tray and moved it as far away from himself as he could manage, all the while I was watching him.

He had reacted like a bee had been attacking him.

“What was that?” I demanded when he settled back into his chair and tried to pretend nothing had happened.
I saw his jaw tense. “Nothing.”
“Logan.” I growled.
He rolled his eyes at me with a smirk. “I forgot, shouldn’t smoke around you.” He shrugged as though it was stupid. Was he honestly embarrassed for caring? An overwhelming feeling of respect came over me. Warmth like a blanket. I smiled at him, the way his bad boy persona was beginning to fade.

He finally made eye contact and smiled back at me. “Want to go shopping?”

Wandering through the maternity section of a store with Logan is sort of like shopping with an eight year old. He’d sort of look at something, inspect my reaction to it and then try to say something I’d agree with. Although I noticed he actively avoided pink, either because it might burn his skin or because he know’s I’d never touch the stuff. Only two months along now, I wasn’t showing in the slightest. “Logan, come on, this is silly.”

He ignored me entirely, picking up a navy blue shirt with light blue horizontal stripes. “How ‘bout this one?”
I folded my arms across my chest. “Stripes make people look fat.”
“You’re gonna have a tough time findin’ somethin’ that doesn’t,” he paused “chere” He added in a depressingly horrible attempt at a Cajun accent. I try not to acknowledge him. “Where’s lover boy anyways.”

He set down the shirt and wandered over to another blouse while I felt the material of a simple black shirt. “Probably still with Jubilee.” I mutter. “Getting comforted.” I pick up a pair of jeans and hold them up, knowing they look to big but still wondering if I’d ever fit into them. “I’m going to be the fat mom and he’s around sleeping with twenty one year olds. There’s no justice.”

Logan looked down at the ground to hide his grin. “C’mon. He’s not actually…” He paused and looked at me to gage my reaction, and a light sparked in his eyes. “Him and Jubes? When?”

I shrugged as though I didn’t care. “Could have been the same night as us for all I know.” The words were out before I could stop them, and there I was looking down at the ground while Logan cleared his throat shifting awkwardly from one foot to the other. “Point being. I don’t even know if it was just the once for them.”

Logan was silent a while, so I grabbed more clothes to try on till I was loaded. “What did he say,” Logan hesitated. “Bout us, I mean.”
I spoke calm and collected. “He told me about Jubilee.”
His brow furrowed. “Never pictured him to be okay with sharin.’”
“Logan!” I smacked him with a hanger, he got a small amused smile on his face. “It’s not sharing. It happened once, end of story.”

Logan smirked. “No kid,” He picked up a sweater and tossed it into my arms. “I spend time with you when he’s not around, and he get’s you when I’m not around.” He winked, making my blood heat. “That’s sharing.”

Nausea raised in my stomach making me want nothing more than to lay down considering how exhausted I was. Problem was, I was worried Logan was right, and I wasn’t comfortable being the chew toy that exchanges owners now and then. So that was that. I must have had a rather interesting expression on my face because a moment later Logan muttered. “Not that you’re property or anything.”

I smiled to myself as I watched him saunter through racks of clothing. “You don’t have to do this you know.”
He shrugged nonchalantly. “I’m your friend first, kid.” He said, his voice little more than a low growl. “I’d be here even without the… y’know. Mix up.” I felt my face flush with his eyes on me again, making me instantly glance away only to notice the sales clerk a small distance away watching us. He noticed and spoke up. “Don’t worry. Probably thinks I’m your father or something.”

At that I had to laugh. “My father?” I choked out between giggles. “Logan, how old do you think you are?”
He only seemed amused by my reaction, so he shook his head and looked at the ground. “Old enough to deserve the looks she’s giving me.”
I rolled my eyes at him, unable to think of even one way to make him feel better. Wearing that silly motorcycle jacket, ripped and over worn jeans, and the plaid didn’t help much on top of the usual scruff of his stubble and the messy hair. If he knew how I viewed him though, the man would have enough ego to last him into the next century. Hell, he might even explode.

I walked over till I was beside him, and I could tell he was trying not to look at me. “Hey,” I murmured softly. “You’re not too old for me. So quit acting like that.” A look I’d never seen on his face flashed across just then, one I wasn’t sure I was even ready to see or describe. Soft, pained, unsure even. I felt his hand grip my one free one with a quick squeeze before he let go like it had never even happened.

***

When Logan and I got home with a few shopping bags and one particular baby shirt I tried to convince him not to buy. Remy was sitting on the couch staring at the fire with a drink in his hand when he stopped me.

“Chere.” He called quietly.
Logan took the bags from me with a small growl that he’d take them to my room. “Yeah?”
“Can we talk?” I nodded, not wanting to say anything, just wanting to fade into the darkness so that I didn’t have to do this. “How was your day?” He asked, faintly.

“It was good, Logan and I went shopping, grabbed me a bunch of fat clothes.” I said, trying to keep things light sitting next to him. Trying to ignore the scent of scotch on his breath.

Remy nodded slowly, and then made eye contact with me for the first time. “Rem’ thinks it’s best I move out for de while. We can both take time. I just,” he paused, looking at me again. “I don’ think I can handle de wolverine anymore.”

I stared at his drink, which in any normal situation I would have taken, and gulped down by now. Instead I just swallowed, and took a deep breath. “You’re breaking up with me?”
“Jus for now chere,” He tried to console. “Jus till we… know.” He reached out to tough me but I was already standing.

“Where are you moving Rem.” I hissed, my temper flaming. “Who are you moving in with.” I couldn’t muster up enough to make it sound like a question. Not when I already knew who. My jaw tensed, and I felt my skin tingling, the way it does when it wants to take really bad. When it wants to absorb. When it wants to kill.

“Jubilee, just for a while. But it’s not what you think chere, I—”
“Call me chere one more time.” I growled, standing firmly with my fists clenched. “Try. I dare you.”
“Rogue,” He murmured “Please…” I had wound up and punched him in the face before I could even think. Which doesn’t happen to me. I’m not a randomly violent person, but I was being dragged away from a Cajun with a bloody nose within the second, and I recognized the muscular arms around me, despite how gentle they were currently.

I ripped myself from his arms and trudged away without looking back, I made my way up the stairs ignoring all the eyes that were watching me on this pathetic walk back to my bedroom. I fell face first onto my bed with my face in a pillow for barely a minute before my door opened. I didn’t bother saying anything for a minute, because I knew who it was. The weight of him sitting on the bed next to me was even recognizable. An adamantium skeleton isn’t exactly light.

He didn’t say anything either, but he was fiddling with something, distracting me. When I looked up he wasn’t looking at me, he was pulling that ridiculous baby shirt out of the bag. “It’s not that clever you know.” I grumbled into my pillow. He smiled, holding it up in his Logan way, so amused by something that was just ironic alone.

“Back off, I’ve got claws?” He chuckled. “It’s hilarious. Come on.” I rolled my eyes. “Toldja gumbo wasn’t one for sharing.”
“Gumbo ain’t one for being faithful neither.” I hiss. “In fact Marie thinks it’s best that Remy is out of the picture for a while.” I couldn’t help but mock the way he spoke in the third person. “Marie is going to be really happy and really fat and couldn’t care less what he’s doing with younger thinner women.”

“Logan’s happy for Marie.” He leaned back against my headboard. He looked around the room briefly. “So all that artwork was his, huh?”
I force myself to sit up. “It wasn’t artwork. It was dogs playing poker and a map of New Orleans that he probably stole. I hated both.” Silence followed. Neither of us said anything for a long time. Just sat, staring at the wall hoping for something to happen that would make all of this make sense. Something that would explain how my life turned into this catastrophic thing.

I sighed. “Do you think it’s because I wouldn’t marry him?”
He shrugged. “Don’t make me your girlfriend, Marie.” He took a sip of a beer I didn’t notice he had. “I’m here for you, but if you want some gal to complain bout men with ya, I won’t be much help.” I leaned against his shoulder.

“Okay,” I whispered.

I sat on the cool granite of the kitchen counter guiltily reaching into the bag of McD’s value burgers to my left. Finishing one, I reached for another. I sipped on my water to make myself feel a bit better about what I was eating, but I knew it wouldn’t be long until Hank found me here, stuffing my feelings down my throat. My tummy was starting to show now in the fifth month. I still hadn’t switched out of my old clothing so my slender black tank top was climbing up my stomach enough to kindly display my belly button with the sexiness of Santa.

My Jane Austen books had been replaced with “What To Expect When You’re Expecting” and my life had begun to feel like I had no idea what to do with anything or anyone. This downward toxic spiral known as my pregnancy had led to me losing any idea of what to think of my future as. Surprisingly, the books didn’t mention what the hell to do when I was in this state of mind.

What didn’t help how I was feeling was seeing Jubilee in the halls with my Cajun Thief. She was giggling and she was pretty, and she was skinny and there was no part of her stretching past what skin would allow. And I hated her for it. I hated her for her useless firework power. I hated her for the fact she slept with his arms around her the way they used to be around me. And more than anything I hated the way I was within the same proximity as anyone when I felt like I just wanted to be alone.

I was quite emotional.

“Hank is going to kill you.” I heard a slight chuckle of amusement from the entrance to the kitchen.
I didn’t look at him. I didn’t want to. I swallowed the bite I had in my mouth and shrugged, mostly to myself. “He can try.” Logan’s footsteps came closer and closer to me till he was leaning his back against the counter I was sitting on. “Careful,” I warned “I’m really not a nice person right now.”
He shrugged, just reaching into my bag of heaven and grabbed a burger for himself. “Nothing I can’t handle.” He started unwrapping a burger and took a mouthful, starting to speak through his food. “Plus, a man did this to you. You might as well have a man around for when things get messy.” He walked around the counter till he was in front of me, pushing my legs apart so he could lean his belt buckle against the counter between my thighs. He gave me a charming look and took another bite of his burger.

I couldn’t help but smile. But with my heart pounding like a school girl I could feel the throbbing ache of wanting him to be that much closer—I looped my legs around his hips to pull myself towards him—my one hand had already reached forward to grab that big metal belt buckle of his, with my fingers skimming over his abs and slipping into the top of the waistband of his boxers—he started to lean in until his lips were just about to graze mine—

Stop stop stop. Damn hormones.
I looked down, pulling away from his kiss I let him go, pressing one hand to my mouth to conceal my desperate heavy breathing. “We shouldn’t,” I choked out finally. I couldn’t even bring myself to look at him.
And at that moment I had happened to glance towards the door.

His expression was dull and masked, taking in what he had just seen as though he was assessing how to handle this amount of pain. It was like deciding where to hide this fresh batch of agony. His lips curled into an almost disgusted expression of absolute repulsion as he turned away. The girl he was with of course followed along like some stupid puppy with little to no understanding of what was happening.

“Remy wait,” I gasped out pushing myself off the counter, Logan stepped out of my way. I still hadn’t seen his face. “Please, Remy, no, you don’t understand.” I had finally reached him, and grabbed a hold of his hand but he pulled away as though my tough had burned him.

“What don’t I understand,” he demanded, his voice desperate with untamed fury. “That you choose him over me, always? Over and over again it is all you do. I thought you would just get him out of your system because you had wanted him so long and I got that. I understood that. But it isn’t going away, is it? It won’t go away because there is only one reason to do that, and that’s because you wanted it. You want him. Just fucking say it.”

I could feel myself crumbling under his words.
“What do you want from me, Remy?” I choked out as tears started to roll down my face. “You left me alone. For her.” I shot a glare at her only to notice the spark of fire in her eyes as though she wanted to lunge at me. “Stay out of this.” I hissed at her in the same second I felt a familiar hand grab mine as if to pull me away. “You too,” I cried at him. I turned back to Remy with sudden fire. “You left me alone and you went to her. Do you know what that means? It means that we aren’t together anymore.” My words were direct and clear now, as I calmed. “And we never will be. I don’t care if this is yours. You will never be a part of my life.”

I could see people gathering around the entrance of the kitchen to see what all the commotion was about. I didn’t wait for an answer from him, I just pushed past him and left, unable to wait any longer. The tears kept steaming down my face as I went to my room and threw my suitcase on the floor, throwing things messily into it. I barely noticed when my door opened and he had is arms around me. I fought against him, but finally we crumpled to the floor.

I woke up to him lifting me into the bed.
“Hey, kid."