Your six blade knife can do anything for you
Anything you want it to
One blade for breaking my heart
One blade for tearing me apart
Your six blade knife-do anything for you

You can take away my mind like you take away the top of a tin
When you come up from behind and lay it down cold on my skin
Took a stone from my soul when I was lame
Just so you could make me tame
You take away my mind like you take away the top of a tin

Id like to be free of it now - I don’t want it no more
Id like to be free of it now - you know I don’t want it no more

Everybody got a knife it can be just what they want it to be
A needle a wife or something that you just cant see

You know it keeps you strong
Yes and it’ll do me wrong
Your six blade knife - do anything for you


He listened the song and swallowed bitter taste it brought in his mouth. Words hit too close to home. He could feel burn of adamantium coated claws inside of his hands. They lay there, now dormant. Only few days ago those claws had taken her life. In the end she had thanked him for it, but it didn’t make it any easier. It didn’t erase memory of her eyes. It didn’t soothe horrible twisting feeling inside of him. Tears he refused to shed sting his eyes. He couldn’t. She had been Scott’s wife. She was dead. Scott was dead. Professor was dead. He was dead. How the fuck you were supposed to go on and run a fucking school when you were dead? And why the fuck he should even try?

Silent footsteps interrupted his pity party for one. He sat up rubbing his face.
“I thought you might be here.” He patted vacant spot on the stone bench beside him. Marie sat there.
“Ororo was looking for you earlier. Something about starting math classes again next week.”
“Yeah. I saw her on my way here.” He hated how weak his voice sounded.
“She was going to hire some new teachers.”
“She can do that. She has to. They are… Professor, Summers and Jean are… They are indisposed.” He didn’t know how long he could keep this up. Keep pretending. Then she laid one bare hand on his shoulder, making him look at her. Really look at her. And he knew it was impossible.

“She was happy! She was fucking smiling when I stabbed her!” Logan held her up from the ground, dangling her from the lapels of her jacket. She didn’t make a move to get free.
“How the fuck she could do it to me? Huh? Why?” She didn’t even blink, just stared at him straight to his face. Logan seemed to get a hold of himself and lowered her carefully back to the ground, letting her loose. He just stood there, head hung low, looking completely lost.
“She chose you, because she knew you would be strong enough to end it.”
“She made a poor assessment of character, then. I can’t make it stop. I keep seeing her face. I can still taste her lips. I can smell her blood. I can feel her heart beat in my hands.”

Last couple of days he had been avoiding people completely, staying in his room, coming out only during nights to raid the fridge. He was on his way to kitchen when he got caught.

Marie stood in the doorway, holding a carton of ice cream. Too late to turn back, she had seen him already.
“What are you doing up this late?” He asked instead, strolling past her, hoping against hope she would have enough sense to leave. Instead she took his less friendly question as an invitation to a longer conversation, and walked in to the kitchen after him, plunking the ice cream to counter and hopping to sit next to it.
“Got hungry. What’s your excuse?” She asked, licking vanilla from her spoon. He didn’t answer, but started pulling out various leftovers, packed to plastic containers, from the fridge.
“Wow! You seriously need some help! Salad and casserole are no comfort food!” Marie exclaimed.
“Who said I was after comfort? I need to eat,” he growled and threw one of the containers to microwave oven. Suddenly she was behind him, hands wrapped around his waist, whole body pressed against his.
“Everybody needs some comfort from time to time,” she whispered and nuzzled her face to his back. And he couldn’t hold back anymore.

He leaned against the counter, tears streaming on his face. Marble surface was cold under his palms. Marie behind him was a warm presence, almost like a cuddly blanket wrapped around him. Memory of her, Jean, was burning inside of him brightly. She was smiling, and suddenly he felt everything would be okay.

“Thanks…” His voice was hoarse, and he tried to wipe his face, fumbling awkwardly with warm container. For some reason lid refused to budge. She took it from him, opened it and poured contents to the plate in front of him. Muscle started to tick next to his eye, and slight smile tried to worm it’s way to his face. Soon they were both laughing out loud.
“I don’t think that coleslaw got any better even when you heated it!”
“All right. I give up. What should I eat, then?” Logan asked, after regaining his composure.
“Well, there’s ice cream, hamburgers, ice cream, chips, ice cream, cakes and cookies, and of course my personal favorite: Ice cream!” She held up a spoon for him, and he took the offered cold treat to his mouth.

“It’s cold.”
“Well, duh! Ice cream. It’s supposed to be cold!” She huffed and dug up another spoonful, feeding it to him.
“And cold is supposed to make me feel better?” Logan asked after swallowing the icy lump.
“I don’t think it’s the coldness. It’s the dough and chocolate.”
“Huh?”
“Usually I eat ice cream with cookie dough and chocolate chips, but we’re all out of it. Hence vanilla. Not quite the same, but…” She shrugged and took a spoonful.
“Go and get dressed,” he suddenly said, taking the spoon and ice cream from her.
“Why?” He was closing the lid of the ice cream carton.
“We’re going to get some real comfort. Wear something warm.”

“I should have guessed…” She sighed.
“What?” He asked. They had taken Scott’s bike. He had driven until sun was rising, and then pulled to the side of the road. They were sitting side by side on a large rock, faces turned towards the rising sun. Miles between them and nearest settlement.
“You’re not ice cream type. This is more you.”
“Nope. Beer is my ice cream. But I seriously doubt any of the places I usually haunt would have taken you in. This was something we both could do.” Suddenly she shivered.
“Cold?” He asked, shrugging open his jacket and pulling her against his side.
“Kind of. It still hurts. What happened with Bobby.”
“It’ll get better,” he said, rubbing her arm reassuringly.
“How can you be so sure?” She asked, knowing he was talking about his own hurt as much as he was talking about hers.
“It has to. I can’t keep going like this. It’s like half of me is missing.” She leaned her head against his side. She started to realize how big impact their meeting with the X-Men and Charles Xavier had made in his life. They had become his family. And then suddenly that family had been torn away from him.
“I know it’s not much, but you still have me,” she whispered. His grip from around her tightened almost painfully.
“It’s more than enough. And you have me, kid. Remember that.”

That was three years ago. When we sat on the side of the road and watched the sunrise. I would like to tell you we both got some big epiphany when first rays hit us. No. No realizations, no wows about eternal love. Come on! I felt like a ton of bricks would have fallen on me, and I don’t think kid felt any better.

I was literally falling to pieces. It was like Phoenix was tearing my mind a part from beyond the grave I put her in. Marie made it stop. Made me wake up. It was one of those nights we sat in the kitchen. We both had our little vices, and indulging to them was easier during the night. I’m not sure at what point exactly it turned from comfort to a habit. Every Wednesday night I would slug in some beer, and she would devour a carton of some god-awful goop of chocolate and cookie dough with some ice cream in the mix. Truth to be told I was starting to get worried about her teeth. That kind of amount of sugar can’t be healthy…

Anyway. There we were. Like every Wednesday. She was unbelievable jittery and skittish. Uncomfortable. Looking like there were hundreds of places where she would much rather be. And her ice cream was all wrong. No sugary goop, just plain vanilla. She fucking never ever ate vanilla after that night when I took her out.

There she sat, twirling her spoon in a half melted carton, eyes darting between it and the clock on the wall. And I started to have a feeling she was about to say something I don’t like. Like when she told me couple of weeks ago that she had started dating again. I didn’t like it, but in my opinion I hid that little pang of jealousy well enough. I wasn’t jealous about her. I was jealous that she had finally gotten over Bobby. And scared that our tradition would end. What kind of a man would let his girl spent her nights with another man? I sure as hell wouldn’t. She hadn’t told me who it was, and now I started to have a feeling she was going to say those words I had been expecting and fearing these weeks.

“Shit. This is all wrong…” She hissed, threw her spoon to the sink and stuffed her ice cream back to freezer. I nearly cracked the bottle I was holding, and she must have noticed it, because she came quickly back to the table.
“I know this isn’t the best possible time to tell you this…” She said and pried my fingers off from around that bottle, taking a pull from it. Now I started to get real worried. She doesn’t even like beer.
“I’m moving. I bought myself an apartment from the city.”

Not the words I had been expecting. Not even close. And somehow those words sounded even worse than those I had feared. She was really moving on. I snatched the bottle away from her and emptied it.
“That’s nice,” I managed to croak. What kind of a fucking friend does that? All I could think of was, that after she moved there would no more be nights with her in this kitchen. I wasn’t thinking about how much easier life would probably be out there, without every little corner and every person reminding her about what had once been. That’s nice? Fuck. Shows how selfish I can be.
“Yeah. Remy and me... We didn’t work out. I’m not like him. I’m not like any of you guys anymore. I’m a liability. Someone who needs constant protection on missions. No nifty mutation to use anymore. It’s best that I go.” Liability? Was that really how she saw herself?

“Have you talked about this with Ororo?” She was after all the headmaster now. And Marie had few months school left before graduation.
“Yeah. We agreed I would stay long enough to finish my school, and move after that. Gives me time to furnish my place in peace…” For that I had nothing to say, and we just sat there, her fingers brushing mine.
“I didn’t want to tell you this now… Not today. But I don’t think it would have made any difference if I waited.” Today? I started thinking what was so fucking special about today. Not anybody’s birthday as far as I could tell. Suddenly it hit me. Year ago today I had been standing in the eye of a storm, claws buried to knuckle inside of Jean. I hadn’t even thought about it in weeks anymore. My life had been focused around school and Wednesday nights. And now it looked like school was all I had left. She was as good as gone already. Couple months and she would start new life away from us muties. Just an ordinary girl among ordinary people. I forced myself to smile and squeeze her fingers briefly.
“I’m happy for you.” Then I couldn’t take it anymore.

I took off. Stood up, left her there, sitting at that table and walked out. At first I didn’t have a clue about where I would go, but my legs carried me to garage. Waited there for a while, sneaked back to kitchen and luckily she had left. Took that carton of ice cream she hadn’t finished, stuffed it to the saddleback of Scott’s bike with a spoon and drove to that rock we had been sitting on nearly a year ago. Finished that carton, got nearly sick over it. Apparently ice cream and beer don’t mix so well. Waited until the sun had risen and drove back home.

She had been in my room. I could still smell her scent. Brief visit, but long enough to leave a hint of vanilla and peppermint floating in the air. There was a small slip of paper on my desk. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. Friends?” And suddenly I couldn’t breathe. Like somebody replaced my windpipe with a straw. I fell to my knees and that paper floated to the floor in front of me. Friends? Fucking-a-yes! I wanted to go to her. Just walk in to her room, wake her up and tell her yes. Yeah. We were friends. Didn’t do it. Would have been too corny. Like from those cheesy harlequins… What? I do read. Sometimes even those trashy harlequins if I can’t get my hands on to something better. How else you could explain my luck with the ladies? They’re not all after the bad boy, you know…

No. I didn’t go to her. Had to wait until the next Wednesday. She had already finished all my classes, and was kind of avoiding me. Sometimes I would catch a glimpse of her from the corner of my eye while walking to my room, or she would be sitting in the garden with her friends when I went to have a smoke. I let her be. It was quite apparent she didn’t want to talk with me.

Next Wednesday came. It was a busy day. Couple of the teachers Ororo had hired a year ago decided that they had gotten enough. Had to juggle between math, English lit and self-defense, all at once. At the end of the day I was dog-tired. Ready to find a big rock, crawl under it and die. Some of the older students had been helping us, but if you ask my opinion, they had only managed to add chaos on top of otherwise awful day. I would have probably gutted half of the kids if Ororo wouldn’t have taken over my combat class.

I was just going to grab myself couple of beers and go to my room. That plan went to hell when she stumbled in, all wrapped up to her old cloak, carrying a duffel bag and bawling her eyes out. I knew she had been at her apartment; she had taken a day off so she could get some work done in there.
“What’s the matter?” Now I’m not cuddly, huggable type, but something makes me want to hug her at any given opportunity. So I went to her and tried to give her a good, comforting squeeze. She nearly bolted back out.
“Don’t fucking touch me!” That kind of hurt. I pulled back. Couldn’t smell any injuries on her, but she was absolutely terrified. I could tell she had been crying quite some time already.
“What is it? Has something happened?” She threw the duffel to the corner, walked to the freezer and pulled out a carton of ice cream. Laid it on the table. Dug up a small mountain of chocolate bars from her pocket. Placed them next to ice cream. Then she turned and brought out the big guns, putting a kettle of water to boil for a cup of tea.
“It wasn’t permanent. Found out today.”

Uhh… Okey-dokey. What wasn’t permanent? I took my beer and sat opposite her. She was still wearing her cloak, but had pushed the hood down.
“Today, exactly three past twelve cure wore off. I nearly killed my neighbor’s cat. And according to my neighbors not to be I’m not welcome to that building again.” I wanted to laugh and dance with her. I wanted to hug her. I wanted to kiss her.
“So… Does that mean you won’t be moving out anytime soon?” I asked instead. And God, did I hope I didn’t sound too pleased.
“I guess I will be staying. Have to sell that apartment. It’s quite popular building, so there shouldn’t be any problems to get rid of it… Fuck.” She stuffed generous spoonful of ice cream to her mouth and started unwrapping a chocolate bar. I couldn’t help wondering her metabolism. She ate like that all the time. How the fuck did she kept her figure so fucking sexy?

“Good.” And I really wasn’t going to say that out loud. But I said it. And she looked like she was preparing to stab me with that chocolate bar.
“My whole fucking life went just down the drain, and that’s good?”
“You may not need this anymore, but I do. I need these Wednesdays. And somehow I got the feeling we wouldn’t be having Wednesdays anymore once you moved out. So, yeah. This is good for me.” She didn’t stab me. No death by chocolate. Instead she collected her ice cream and candy, stood up and walked out. After couple of minutes I heard the door of her room opening, then closing.
“I need you.” Three little words that I should have said while she was still here with me.

I hadn’t realized how big impact taking the cure had been. I got tangible proof from that now, while watching Marie interact with other students. She had fallen back to wearing baggy, covering clothing, and she was flat out avoiding other people. Before they had sought her company, but now when her skin was again lethal, they had quite an understandable reaction. They shunned her. Gap between Marie and them couldn’t have been bigger if they were residing opposite sides of Grand Canyon. Of course some amount of interaction was necessary. Ororo had ordered her to help me out during combat classes. Now that her mutation was active again, we really couldn’t afford to keep her in a bench. She had to play.

“What do we do now?” That was Kitty. Well, what do you do in a situation like this? This was supposed to be a basic scenario. Nothing life threatening, just some dodging and stuff. Right. That blast came out of nowhere, so fast that I simply couldn’t get out of the way fast enough. My eyes will grow back eventually, but right now I was blind as a bat. And they were gathered around me. Every fucking single one of them.
“You’re all dead. Class dismissed.” I ended the scenario. Last shot from the lasers hissed past me, scorching a shallow path to my cheek. I heard a surprised gasp from behind me. Kitty. Fuck.
“You all right?”
“Yes! I phased just in time!” Just in time, for that she was right. I could smell burnt leather.
“How bad were you hit?” Shit. Shit.
“She’s all right, Logan. Come on, everybody. Class is over.” Marie. Hand under my elbow. She was steering me out.

“I don’t know if I can do this for real.” My vision was getting better already. I could see outlines of her face. It was blurred image, little like looking a negative.
“What makes you think that?” She had been one of my best students. Never afraid. What ever I had thrown against her group, she had taken it and pushed through. Now a scenario designed simply for an easy warm-up exercise made her shiver like a leaf in the wind.
“I don’t have the stomach to clean up the mess afterward, for starters,” she said, pushing a wad of cotton and a bottle of antiseptic to my hands. It stung, but had to get rid of the blood and unmentionable bits and pieces on my face.
“You have been doing just fine up until now. Has something happened?” I asked, wiping my eyes.
“It could have easily been me. I was right behind you when you got hit. I don’t have enforced skeleton.” Shit.
“It could have been you.” No use to lie. Had I moved an inch right then, it would have been her.
“But for that you got me.” No use to lie about that either. I had done it twice. Borrowed my mutation. Would do it again if she needed it.
“I can’t keep relying you, Logan. I can’t run to papa every time I got an owie,” she said and left.

Papa? Owie? Can’t keep relying me? How about getting back to that friends stage? Friends do stuff for each other, right? She helped me to accept what happened with Jean. Helped me to get over it. Long nights in the kitchen, just listening her rambling made me almost forget nothing bad had ever happened. Maybe she got as much out of it as I did, maybe she didn’t. But I learned one thing. Everybody needs a friend every now and then. For small and little bigger reasons. Why did she keep pushing me off?

It wasn’t Wednesday, but I found her from the kitchen when I went to get a little late night snack. She had found my stash, and was finishing her third beer when I walked in.
“We have combat first thing tomorrow. You better be sober for that.” I sure as hell wasn’t going to let her in DR with hangover. I took the bottle from her and finished it. She snorted, stood up little unsteadily and walked out to the patio. Made myself a sandwich and followed her. I had known she was smoking. Had known from the day she started it. Never said a word. Wasn’t my place. Now it started to feel she was doing this just to get on my nerves. Taking long drags from the cigarette and blowing the smoke to my direction.

“What the fuck is going on? Have I done something to piss you off?” Had to be something. She couldn’t be angry at me about confessing how much those Wednesdays meant for me.
“You haven’t done a thing,” she practically growled. Okay. So why was she preparing to neuter me? Suddenly I didn’t want that sandwich anymore. I fetched a beer instead and lit a cigar. Checked my pockets. Keys to Scott’s bike were there. It still was Scott’s bike to me.

“You really haven’t done a thing, and that pisses me off. How about an apology? It would be a good start.” Apology? This was about my little slip up after all.
“Can’t do that. Because I’m not sorry. I’m glad that things turned out they way they did. I didn’t want you to move out.” She narrowed her eyes, but there was no anger in her posture. Just curiosity. She leaned back in her chair and raked her gaze over me. I mimicked her, and just for a moment we sat there, staring at each other in the eyes. Just for a moment, ten seconds at tops, but to me it felt like eternity. I wanted to look away, but fuck if I gave up in front of her. Never. We broke our little standoff like it started, simultaneously.

“You didn’t want me to move out. You needed those Wednesdays. You. What about me? What about what I need?” She asked.
“Talk to me. Tell me what you need.” Because if she needed the moon, I would get it for her. Not once, never, had she asked a thing. I’m not the kind of guy who keeps giving prezzies just because it’s polite.
“I want to live like normal people. I want to hug. I want to shake hands. I want to kiss. I want to make love. I want to get rid of this stupid, fucked up skin of mine. Can you do that?” For that I didn’t have an answer.
“That’s what I thought. You can’t. But there is one thing you could do…” Anything.
“Assign me to another team. I can’t work under your command.” Fuck. Not going to happen.
“No. How am I supposed to look after you if…”
“Fuck you, Wolverine! How the fuck am I supposed to concentrate and do my best during missions, when every time you get hurt all I want to do is to curl up and hide?” She hissed.

“You have to get rid of that instinct. It’s probably something you picked up from me at the Statue…” And again she didn’t let me finish. She huffed and stood up, flinging her cigarette to the night.
“Residual my ass…” She muttered and marched in. After a few minutes I could hear engine roaring. Her bike. Residual? Hell yeah. Disturbing? No. She would get over it eventually. I fiddled with the keys to Scott’s bike. To go or not to go?
“Fuck. This is going to be a long night…” Better follow her and see that she doesn’t break her neck. I taught her to drive, and I’m not the safest possible driver around here.

Thank God we never did have the time to rig her wheels. Even without extra power she nearly managed to beat me. I had to force her to slow down and stop. With the speed she was going she would have been a wet patch on the pavement if she fell.

“What the fuck do you want now!” She nearly screamed and scrambled off from her bike, shoving it to side like it weighed nothing. I cut my engine.
“I want to be your friend. But it’s kind of hard to do when you keep pulling stunts like this.”
“Have you even considered that I may not want to be your friend?” Fuck.
“I. Don’t. Want. To. Be. Your. Fucking. Friend.” Every word accentuated with a sharp jab to my chest. Might as well have been a knife instead of just a finger.
“I do not need a father or a big brother! I don’t need someone to protect me! I’m so fucking full of this shit!”
“Kid…” I couldn’t fucking breathe. She couldn’t do this. I gave her a promise. She’s the only reason I hadn’t taken off already.
“Kid? That’s what I will ever be to you? A fucking kid?” Well, no. She wasn’t a kid. She was Kid. Marie. My rock. And she was crumbling away from me.
“If you have anything to say, speak up now. After we get back home, I’m going to ask Ororo to move me to another team.” And she would disappear from my life completely. I could tell it from the look in her face. She would make sure there was absolutely no reason to stay in touch with me.
“I’m sorry.”
“What?”
“I’m sorry about everything. I’m sorry that I’m so fucking selfish bastard. I really needed those Wednesdays. I needed you. I still need you. Please, don’t do it. Don’t shut me out.”

I might have been crying. Maybe even so hard that I couldn’t follow her when she took off.

Okay. I cried. She didn’t say a word. Not to accept or to deny my apology. She just went to her bike, dragged it up and drove away. I sat there, next to my bike and bawled my eyes out. My chest hurt. My head hurt. I wanted a hug. I wanted… I needed Marie. And she wasn’t there. She was on her way to Ororo. On her way to start a new life which didn’t include me.

“Fuck this.” I finally managed to calm down. I dug up my cell phone and called to Ororo. She wasn’t too pleased to hear that I was going to take a couple days off, but what could she do? Swoop in with the Blackbird and drag my ass back to mansion?

She had asked if I could take away her mutation. Most likely this was going to be a futile attempt, but there was a chance. Small chance. Army never cleared up the Alcatraz. They did blow up the bridge Magneto did there, and barricaded the whole fucking island. Closed it down. But there was a chance that I could find cure darts from there. Enough for her to last a lifetime. I could give those to her and leave. She could have the normal life she wanted. White picket fence, 2.5 kids with some accountant, no need to worry over quirks of an overprotective old geezer.

First things first. Something to eat, and few cups of hot coffee. Then I had to find somebody willing to break the law. No sailing and fishing was allowed closer than two miles from the island. It didn’t take too long. Not with the amount I was ready to pay for a ride there and back.

“What are you even looking for?” Matt, old fisherman asked while counting his money.
“That’s not your business. Just take me there, and pick me up after three hours.” Three hours should be more than enough to find what I’m looking for. Those bazookas army used back then spread enough cure to keep whole mansion under control for years. All I had to do was to find intact and clear vials.

Place was a mess. Blown up cars. Torn buildings. Everything covered in thick layer of black dust. Took me a moment to realize it was ash. Remains of those poor bastards that Dark Phoenix tore apart.

I had to look carefully where I stepped. I couldn’t have afforded to get the cure for myself. For what I know, that stuff would probably be my death sentence. I have no slightest idea how poisonous adamantium is. I found several empty clips and broken down vials. Then I hit the jackpot. One loaded bazooka. Never fired. Bingo! Got the vials out from it. If she lived over two hundred years, these would be enough.

Had a better part of an hour left before I was supposed to meet my ride. Not a pleasant hour. It all started to come back to me. When I climbed to Matt’s small boat I was ready to use all cure darts myself. Just push them all in and hope for the best. Hope that they would do the trick and put me out of my misery. Couldn’t do that. Marie needed those more than I.
“Found what you were looking for?” Matt asked. I couldn’t answer. I just sat there, hunched over and kept wishing this was it. That this was what she really wanted. Because if it wasn’t, there was nothing much left for me to do, except to leave and keep praying that she would be okay.

I had originally planned to spend a night in the city, but suddenly it didn’t sound so alluring. I drove back to mansion and sneaked to my room before anybody got a whiff that I had already returned. I needed to sleep and clear my head.

You know how hard it is to think straight right after you woke up? That short moment when you’re not absolutely sure if things happening around you are just a dream, or something real? Not a nice feeling. Took me nearly a minute before I realized it was really Marie, standing at the foot of my bed, hands crossed over her chest. She looked all ready to gut me.
“Morning?” My careful greeting didn’t get an answer. Instead she started tapping her arms with her fingers.
“What’s up?” I sat up.
“Well, I don’t really know. You tell me. I always thought you were my friend. I guess last day was too much for even you.” What the fuck was she talking about?
“You were always the one person I could trust not to flinch when I needed a hug. When I needed to touch somebody. To be close to somebody. Was that all a big fat lie? Or can’t you take that your little kid grew up?” This was getting really confusing.
“My skin wasn’t an issue. At least that’s what you said. Every time. Was it a big fucking lie every time? Were you secretly afraid every time we touched? Wishing you was with somebody else? Somebody with less lethal skin?”
“What the hell are you talking about?” Suddenly she threw something on my bed, and I bolted up and away from it. Handful of green darts jutted from my bedspread. Okay. I guess they were not what she wanted.

“Your skin wasn’t an issue. It isn’t an issue. It’ll never be an issue to me.” And that’s a fucking truth. She should know that. What ever gave her an idea that I had some problems with… Oh. I left those darts to her room. On her night stand. Didn’t leave a note. I fucking thought I wouldn’t need to. I was too tired to scribble down a novel about what and why. Looks like I should have done it anyway. And how the hell she manages to make me feel so guilty every time I screw up something? She tells me to jump and I jump. No questions asked. Why can’t she take things I do for a face value? For what they are really meant for?
“You yourself said that you wanted to get rid of your mutation. Those darts are your chance to do it. I don’t fucking care if your skin drains. Actually I prefer it that way… Have you taken a shot already?” Please. Say no. She didn’t say a thing, but shook her head. Good. This was going to hurt, but I had to shut my mouth. I had to shut her mouth, before one of us said something we both regretted. I yanked her against me and kissed her.

In retrospect that wasn’t probably the wisest possible move to make. When I woke up from the coma week later, Marie nearly put me back under again, and Ororo threatened to kick my ass to the curb for harassing a student. She only threatened. She would have done it if we weren’t already understaffed. I didn’t blame her. Technically Marie was still my student for few weeks more. She never asked that transfer after all.

“Hi.” Christ! Marie nearly gave me a heart attack! I wasn’t expecting anybody to be in my room, but there she was. And she had been staying there for quite some time. Long enough for her scent to rub in to every possible surface.
“Hi.” What did she want? She had left me to med lab about half an hour ago.
“Is that what you really think about me? About us?” She asked.
“If you picked up something from my head, I guess it’s pretty safe to assume that’s how I think.” This was interesting. I didn’t have a clue how I thought about us. If I even thought about us. Maybe she could shed some light in that matter? She looked like she was about to cry again, but then she got it under wraps.
“I’m sorry that I have been such a bitch. I had no idea…” Her voice trailed off. Come on! Not fair to leave me hanging like this! What I was supposed to say? You’re forgiven?
“Umm… It’s okay…” Fuck. She was gone before I had the chance to fish out more information. Quick dash, door opening and closing behind her. It’s okay? What the fuck was the matter with me? Why did I turn to a stuttering idiot every time I had to say something important?

Wednesday came again. Ever since she bought an apartment from the city these days had been doomed to end badly. Either we fought or didn’t go to kitchen at all after nine pm. And I was starting to get tired of that pattern. It was better. Once I realized it wasn’t those long nights that were so important to me, but her company, it was easier to stay in my room. Just the TV and me. But there’s only so much you can watch it before it gets boring.

I was on my way out. Maybe go and shoot some pool, have a couple of beers. Maybe get laid. Started thinking about when was the last time I got any. Couldn’t even remember the last time. Then I heard Marie’s voice from the kitchen. Couldn’t hurt to check up on her. See that everything was okay. When I walked closer, I heard another voice. Male. Whispering something to her. I could smell sulphur and beeswax. Kurt. I could smell salt too. She was crying. I walked in. she didn’t notice me, but Kurt did. As soon as he saw me, he bared his teeth and hissed to me. Then he bamfed, and took her with him.

I didn’t get laid that night. Didn’t shoot pool. But I got drunk. Very, very drunk. Bartender was very sympathetic. And a good listener. Didn’t even bat an eye when I told him I was a mutie. Only shrugged his shoulders when I told him about Marie. About how lost I was when it came to her.
“Life is a bitch, and then you die,” was his opinion about my situation. Wrong.

Life is a bitch. And I don’t even have a way out of it.

Sun was rising when I staggered back home. I was still drunk, but sober enough to realize I shouldn’t drive, so I had left my bike… Scott’s bike, back to that roadhouse. First time in years I could honestly say I was drunk.

Kurt was sitting in the kitchen when I walked in. Two mugs of coffee in front of him.
“Sit,” he said and pointed a chair opposite him. I was feeling childish.
“No. I’m going to bed.”
“Sitzen Sie, bitte!”
“Jawohl, mein Fuhrer...“ Childish. I told you already. And then he was on me. Sudden black blur, and I was dangling upside down high above the mansion’s front yard. Kurt was standing on the edge of the roof, holding me from my ankles.
“Only thing separating you from a wet puddle down there is my promise to Rogue. I promised not to hurt you. Don’t make me forget that promise…” I couldn’t help it. I started to laugh. It had to be some secondary mutation we weren’t aware of. How else you could explain that a tiny slip of a girl had us all wrapped around her little finger? Another bamf, and we were sitting in the kitchen. Kurt pushed the other coffee to me, and I took it.
“She doesn’t know what to think about anymore. She’s confused.” No shit, Sherlock? And I wasn’t?
“She isn’t the only one. Ever since she got her mutation back, things have gone straight to hell between us. I thought we were friends, but…”
“Do you really think friendship is all she’s after for?” And doesn’t anybody fucking let me finish my sentences anymore?
“I don’t know what she’s after for! She doesn’t fucking talk to me anymore! How the fuck I’m supposed to know what she thinks? I’m not a fucking telepath!”
“You’re a smart guy. Why don’t you figure it out…” Kurt smirked and disappeared, leaving a small cloud of sulphur floating around. Fucking lousy Wednesday. Fucking lousy Thursday.

“Move your ass!” Last time I let Ororo program a scenario. She did this on purpose, I’m sure of it. This is payback from what happened. Reminder of what will happen to dirty old men who dare to lay their hands on little girls. She put Magneto in here, for Christ sakes! Old geezer hasn’t noticed me yet, and kids are trying to keep him busy enough, to buy me time to cook up a plan to get rid of him. Fuck. Marie is on my left. We should find a way for her to get close enough to drain Eric. Only way to keep him from making me a pretzel. This doesn’t look good. No matter what the team throws at him, he just shrugs it off and keeps going. Like a fucking energizer bunny. And from that I know this must be a payback. Real Magneto would have been down already.

“How do we do this?” She asks, inching closer. She is scared. Well, so am I.
“I don’t have a clue. I thought Iceman could keep him down long enough for you to get closer, but looks like Storm gave Magneto some extra powers.” Speaking of the devil… She swoops in and lands between us.
“What are you waiting for? Shouldn’t you fight as a team?” She asks, pointing to the battlefield where kids are trying to subdue the monster she created. I have a snappy retort ready, but Marie beats me to it.
“Fuck off, Weathergirl! You’re not the team leader!” Then she turns her full attention to me.
“I have an idea.”

“I’ll be careful. I try not to take too much,” she says, peeling off her gloves. Careful? Not too much? She’s fucking going to get hurt if she doesn’t get enough! I grasp her hands to mine. It burns. Like I was holding hot coals. For a moment I can see everything double, from my point of view, and her point of view. That burning feeling is crawling up my veins, getting closer to my heart. Have to let go now. Won’t be much use for her later if she needs a refill. She’s leaving, climbing over the hood of the car.
“Kid…” she turns to look at me. She’s angry. Should really stop calling her that.
“Go kick some ass.”

I didn’t see it, but Ororo had a ringside seat. Marie had charged head on to the bucket head, and had practically torn him a part with bare hands, before he even had the time to realize what was happening. That’s my kind of girl. Went to congratulate her after it was over. She nearly ate my head.
“I can be mature and behave during missions. That’s why I have to deal with you in combat class. What I don’t have to do is to deal with you outside of DR!”
“This would be so much easier if I knew what I have done to make you hate me this much.”
“You don’t know? You don’t fucking know? Do I have to draw a picture for you?” She huffed, disbelieving look on her face.
“Please, do. And no puzzles anymore. Something clear, so that even I can understand it.”
“Fine. I love you, Logan.” Okay… And that was a bad thing because…?
“I love you, too, Kid.” And that was something I didn’t confess every day. It didn’t help. She looked at me like I just crawled from under a rock. Something sticky and slimy she would have to scrape off from the sole of her shoe.
“Right. I fucking knew that!” She grimaced and stomped off. Locker room door slammed shut behind her, and I could hear her locking it.

So. At least I knew now we loved each other. And that for some reason she hated me because of it. But that’s one thing I can’t do for her. I can’t stop loving her. I won’t. She’s all I have left. Bright spark smack dab middle of me. Where Jean had been bright flare, nearly eating me alive, she was more constructive kind, radiating light and warmth constantly. She was the one kicking me up in mornings. She kept me going through the day. She tucked me in when night fell. She was in my dreams. Make it stop? Impossible. And she should have known that already. She had taken two hits from me. Two hits of my life. My powers and feelings.

“Marie?”
“Fuck off!” Was she crying?
“Come on… Let me in. Please?” Yeah. Crying. That was a sniffle I heard from the other side of the door.
“Leave me alone!”
“Not until we settle this thing. Let me in.” Uh-huh… That was a growl. I hoped there were no sharp objects lying around in there.
“There’s nothing to settle! Just stay away from me!” Nope. Can’t do that, sorry, darling.
“Eventually you have to come out. I’ll just wait here…” I slid to floor, next to the locker room door. Ororo and other kids had already left, so I could light a cigar. Eventually she had to come out. I had the time to wait. Hadn’t counted in Kurt. I heard a bamf, and scent of sulphur wafted from under the door. Fuck. I was going to strangle him with his own tail next time I saw him.

This is getting real old, real fast. I have to get her cornered and make her talk. But first I have to confiscate her cell phone. Can’t have Kurt bamfing to the rescue at the wrong moment. And I already know how to do it. Every Saturday she goes swimming. Alone of course, now that her skin is “an issue” again. All I have to do is to keep my head together for couple more days. Shouldn’t be that hard. Shouldn’t. Fuck. It’s a miracle I haven’t blown the gasket already. I just want to make sure she’s all right, and she has everything she needs, but every time I manage to sneak close enough she bolts away like I have a leper or something. Kurt isn’t helping much. He seems to think he’s her personal watchdog. Fucking Nightcrawler… Back the fuck off. She already has one mean mutt covering her ass. Mean and pissed off.

Logan, do this. Logan, do that. Logan, don’t do it. Logan, must you every time… Yackety-yackety-yack! I nearly skewered Weathergirl today. I had erased that nightmarish scenario with Magneto in it, and wrote a new one. Replaced Bucket head with Sabretooth. Kids get their fair share of action, and I don’t have to worry over early arthritis. Was testing it when she stormed in. Told me I shouldn’t squander resources for my personal use. Fuck, if I were doing this just to get my rocks off, I would have programmed the playmate of the month instead of Vic! Not so pleasant as one might think. Tried it once. No need to try again. Anyway… There was I, claws buried to knuckle to good old Vic when Ororo froze the whole fucking scenario and left. I would have probably been there for a while if Pyro wouldn’t have gone past on his way to the gym. He melted Vic just enough that I could get loose. Then he ran off and locked me in before I managed to get after Ororo. Have to thank the kid some day. As soon as he stops running away every time he sees my face. And it’s only Thursday evening. Two whole days before I can kick back and relax. Because I’m not letting Marie out of that pool house until we have cleared this fucked up mess once and for all.

Danger Room is now off limits for me. Ororo took away my clearance there, and told me to go and find some other place to act out my aggressions. Fucking unbelievable. Is that woman insane? I know I will be, soon enough. I can’t go to gym. Those frilly gadgets they have in there… Wouldn’t stand a chance with me now. Better just sit out here and grit my teeth. At least those will grow back if I break something. And if that Weatherbitch knows what’s best for her, she will keep away from me. Oh, is that sulphur I smell…?

What the fuck are they doing? Why is she crying? I swear if that blue bastard has done something to her…
“Marie?” Shit. That came out all wrong. Wasn’t going to sound so angry. Well that got her attention. And Kurt is backing off. Good. What were they doing out here anyway? It’s past curfew already.
“You have my number if you need a lift,” I can hear Kurt whisper to her. She nods and clutches the phone in her hand when he disappears.
“Has something happened?” I really try to sound worried. I am worried. But the best I can muster is something between plain angry and total berserk.
“We have to talk, Logan.” Finally! Give the lady a prize!
“Yeah. We have to. Because I’m splitting from the seams already. Talk to me, Marie. Tell me what you want from me, because I don’t have a fucking clue what’s going on!” Should stop screaming. I don’t want nosy audience busting in right now. Not when she’s about to spill her beans.
“I don’t have the right to ask you what I want.” That doesn’t sound right. If she wants something from me, she can have it. Anything.
“Ask anyway. I can’t take this anymore. I want you back.”
“I told you I love you…”
“And I love you. So what’s the problem?” She flinches and turns her gaze to the ground, plucking grass with her fingers.
“It’s not the same. Not the same. And it hurts…” Oh, for fuck’s sake… She can’t possibly mean…
“When I touched you, I saw you. Saw your mind. You don’t look at me like you looked at her. Like you looked at Jean. You love me, that I know. But you just love me, and that’s not enough.”
“Kid, I don’t…” She tries to hush me.
“Shut up and listen.” And that sounded really angry. Well, at least she shut her mouth.
“You don’t want it. You don’t want me to see you like I saw Jean. Ever. Maybe what I feel for you isn’t enough, but what I felt for Jean… What do you think it was?”
“At least you saw her as a woman. You look at me, and all you see is a kid!” Crap. Fuck. Shit. I knew this day would come, sooner or later. I was hoping later.

I really, really would like to say I handled it like a mature adult. Sat down and talked it through with her. Starting from fucking bees and flowers, ending to the point where protection was needed. Tossed in couple warnings and big talk about feelings, responsibility and stuff. Told her about me. What I was. What I did. Why she should stay away from me and be fucking grateful I didn’t want to fuck with her.

That was the big talk we were supposed to have. I chickened. As soon as I realized she was actually talking about why I wanted to fuck Jean, but not her, I run off. Took Scott’s bike. Here I am now. At the same roadhouse I was in last week. Bartender does his best, trying to drown me to the strongest booze this place has to offer, but it isn’t working.

I fucking lost her.

It’s kind of hard to drink when you cry so hard you can barely see the shots in front of you. Why the fuck he can’t just leave the bottle?

This really isn’t working. I’m not as think as you drunk I am. That line must be older than me.

Fuck. Better go and clean up my face. Can’t sit here puffy eyed and drooling.

Better… What the fuck? Who the hell took my bottle?

“Kid?” Now I know I must be drunk. It’s Marie. She stole my booze. And it looks like there are two… No. There’s three of her. Which one is the right one? Why is she taking that bottle away? Aww, come on, woman! It’s your fault I’m in here. In this state. Don’t you start nagging at me now…
“Come on, Logan. I came to take you home.”
“No. I’m not coming. Not with you. Ever. You don’t want that…”

“Logan? Logan! Wake the fuck up!”
“Easy, missy. I’ll help you there… Where’s your car?”
“Just around the corner. Jesus! How much did he drink?”
“Apparently enough.”

Don’t you fucking touch me. Keep your paws off from me. Let me go! Let me go!
“Stop that, before you break something. It’s just a seatbelt.” Seatbelt? Might be. Might very well be. Marie wasn’t in the lab. Never. Never in there. Now, if I can only crack my eyes open… Just a little… Oohkay… In a car. No bright lights. Just car. And Marie. Good. Can sleep now…

“Wha…”
“Logan? Wake up. I can’t carry you. You have to walk to your room.”
“Stop shaking. I think I’m going to be sick if you don’t stop…”
“No wonder. Well, get up now…” Oww. I can’t even see. Does she really expect me to walk straight? All those stairs? Fuck.
“Just take me to rec room. I’ll sleep this off there…”
“Can’t do that. Ororo’s still pissed at you. Wouldn’t want her to freeze your jewels like she threatened to do earlier.”
“Of course you wouldn’t want that. You want to have a go with me and my jewels…”
“Fuck. Can we talk about that in the morning? When you’re sober?”
“I think we can. Hey, why are we whispering?”
“Because it’s five am, and I don’t want to wake up the whole mansion.”
“Why we shouldn’t wake them up? Do you have something in your mind?”
“I just want to get you in bed…”
“I knew it! But you really, really don’t want it, Kid!”
“Shut the fuck up, already. There. This is your room. Can you make it to the bed if I leave you here?”
“Which door it was again?”
“Fuck.”

This isn’t my room. Isn’t my bed, either. Too short and narrow. Too many stuffed animals staring at me from the shelf above. Shit. Too much Marie wrapped around me. Absolutely too much. Well, at least I have clothes on. She didn’t have her wicked ways with me after all. Damn. Should wake her up. Should talk with her. We should both take turns in talking and listening. Maybe we could get this mess sorted out. But where to start?

“Hi.”
“Hi.”
“How do you feel?” Well, I feel like somebody drove me over with a truck and stuffed a turd to my mouth, but…
“I’m okay. I’ll just go… I’ll go and wash up a bit. Get something to eat. Wait here. You want some breakfast?”
“I’ll have what you’re having…” Dear God she’s cute. Cute as a kitten, curling under those blankets. I could get used to waking up like this. Waking up with her. That’s not the part that worries me. Not even close. This is actually something I have wanted to do for a long time now. What worries me is the part that comes before this.

She’s going to have what I’m having? Roast beef sandwiches it is. Made from white bread. What a rebel! Fuck. Who am I kidding? She’ll lop off my head if I make them from this shit. Where’s that… There. Come on. Rabbits, birds and hamsters eat seeds. We learned to grind them to flour ages ago. Well, she likes this health-crap, so health-crap she gets. Coffee for me, tea for her. Not that Ororo’s herbal stuff. That crap smells god-awful. Nope. Besides Marie likes peppermint more. What else? Cookies. Cookies… Where the fuck they are?
“Are you looking for these?” Sulphur and beeswax. Black cloud, and a plate with cookies appear out of nowhere. Then he’s gone. Our very own Casper.
“I’m still not through with you yet…” Another bamf and he’s sitting on a counter, next to the tray.
“Breakfast for two? Things are starting to… Looking up?”
“You could say that. But do me a favor. Do not answer to your phone if Marie calls.”
“Does she have a reason to call me?” I never thought a blue, skinny guy with a tail could look threatening, but I knew all I had to do was to give her a reason to call, and Kurt would be there within a second from that call. First he would take her out from there. Then he would try to take me out for good.
“I hope not.”

“So…”
“You or me first?” She asks.
“Me. I already made an ass out of myself last night. I have nothing to loose.” Except the shreds that are still left from my dignity, but if giving up them helps to sort this through, it’s worth it. So, here goes nothing…
“I have never made love. Not that I recall.”
“But Logan… What about… I have seen your memories. What about those women…”
“Easy lays. One cheap fuck after another. Absolutely too long list, and I don’t want to add your name and face to that list.” That would be a new low even for me.
“Every one of them…? Didn’t they mean anything to you?” Shit. Don’t cry. Don’t you fucking cry now. I can’t keep talking if you start to cry.
“They meant something when it happened. But when it was over… Heck, none of us wanted to stick around any longer than it was necessary. They had husbands and boyfriends waiting at home, I had more miles to cover.”
“That sounds…”
“Awful. I know. I’m really just a big bastard.”
“No. That sounds lonely. And sad. How could you go on like that? Day after day? I would have… I don’t even know what I would have done!” I knew. I knew what to do. Tried it enough times to realize I couldn’t take my own life. At least not permanently. Kept waking up, no matter what I did. But that’s something she doesn’t need to know. That part of my life is locked up so deep she would need a fucking bulldozer to dig it up and rifle through.

“What about Jean?”
“She was different. Probably mainly because I had no chance to nail her. And I actually had the time to get to know her. Know the person.”
“Would you have done it? Fucked her?” Wasn’t this supposed to be me talking, she listening? How the hell this turned to a “twenty embarrassing answers”?
“Yeah. I would have.”
“But you wouldn’t do it with me?” Shit. Back to square one. What part of my rambling she missed?
“No.”
“Why?”
“I don’t want to loose you. I need you in my life.”
“And I want you in my life. All of you. In case you haven’t noticed, I haven’t needed a guardian for a long time now. I need a man. And I want you to be that man.” Fuck. Should have asked Kurt’s number. I could use a lift right now…
“What you need, and will soon get if you don’t stop this, is a good spanking. Kid… Marie. Sorry, I try to remember to call you that… I don’t want to fuck you. I want to make love to you. I want to wake up next to you every morning so bad it fucking hurts, but I can’t. I don’t know how to do it. How to make it work. I have never done those things before.”
“So? I haven’t done those things either! Why can’t we try and learn together?”

Have I already told you she’s a genius?

Heh. Bet you all were waiting for a hot and steamy tale of our little sexual adventure… Nope. Not going to kiss and tell. It was good. It is good. Have been together a year now. At first it was quite awkward… Oh, what the heck! Might as well share this one, too.

There we were, sitting on her bed. Finally on the same page. Almost. I was still trying to get over the fact that I was going to get to know a completely new side of her. She was already planning what to wear for that occasion.
“We have to go shopping. I need something to wear when… Well, I can’t be naked. I don’t want to kill you.”
“Hush. We do this properly.” She looked at me like I suddenly grew a second head to my shoulders.
“First we date.”

I’m a fucking moron. We weren’t at the same page. We weren’t even on the same fucking book. Where I was going to sweep her off from her feet like some freaking knight in shining armor, she was planning how to get me between her legs as fast as possible.

I knew she was up to something, when I came back to her room later that evening. We were going out. Had a table from a nice, romantic restaurant. I was expecting something from those old movies, well, not literally, but something long and flowing, elegant. You know. Long dress. Maybe with a little daring cleavage. I had to back out and rub my eyes when I saw her. Since when had my little Marie grown those legs and boobs? She looked absolutely edible. Short, clinging dress, ending at her mid thigh, bare shoulders and back. Bare hands. Lots of creamy, bare skin.
“Didn’t you say you didn’t want to kill me?” She just smirked and wrapped a sheer scarf around the whole, delicious package.
“Are we going?”

I can’t even remember what we ate that night. Could have been steak. Could have been a washrag. All I could think of was Marie. Something in her scent had changed from this morning. Looks she kept throwing at me were … quite scary actually. Like she could see me naked.
“I have a surprise for you later…” She whispered to my ear, and that voice made my skin prickle. At that point I started to have a hunch this was going to be our last official date.

“What’s next?” That restaurant had been my idea. Now it was her turn to pick what we could do. And hey, stop fucking laughing. Either of us had earlier experience about this dating business…
“I know a great place…”

Should have guessed. She hailed a cab, and soon I was sitting in that roadhouse, in front of the same bartender, as I had been the night before.
“Didn’t have enough yesterday?” He asked. I pointed at Marie. She was standing at the jukebox, swaying her hips and choosing a play list.
“She brought me here. No matter what she orders, only non-alcoholic for us tonight.” I shoved a wad of cash to the man. He took it and nodded.
“For both of you?” It was my turn to nod.
“And she isn’t supposed to know she’s sipping soda only?” Again I nodded.
“Listen, buddy… Are you sure you have understood this correctly? Usually men that come here try to get their girls drunk for a little action afterwards.”
“She fucking doesn’t need to get drunk for that….”

“Are you sure they don’t water down their booze?”
“I’m quite sure, honey. Why?” Glad I did that little deal with the bartender. Pace she kept drinking she would have been under the table under half an hour.
“I don’t feel drunk. Not even tipsy.” Good. Wasn’t even my intention. We had couple glasses of wine when we ate, and I thought that was enough. I paid the cab and we walked in. First obstacle reached. Her door.

“Umm…” I wanted to get in there. I wasn’t sure what she wanted. She was suddenly awfully jittery and nervous, fumbling with the sleeves of my jacket, eyes darting between floor and mine.
“Oh, fuck this. Come on.” I propelled her to my room instead. We would both need a drink. Just one. But we would both need it.

“Here.” I gave her a shot of whiskey. She threw it back, grimaced and coughed. Poured little bigger one to me. My hands were trembling, but I noticed hers were too.
“You said you have a surprise for me?” I asked. She blushed and stood up from the chair she had been sitting. I leaned my back to the windowsill when she approached. I had a sudden feeling I was going to like this surprise of hers. She stopped in front of me. I held my breath when she brought her bare hands to my face. I didn’t know what she was planning, but the look on her face told me I was really going to like it. Warm skin touched my own. Palms caressing my cheeks, pulling my head lower, and she kissed me. Just a chaste kiss to my forehead. Long enough for her skin to react, and nothing happened.

“Cure?” because if she fucking did it just for me I was going to strangle her. And Kurt. Because she sure as hell didn’t have the guts to go through it on her own. She shook her head.
“I have been working with Kurt. He’s been teaching me to meditate. Well, not exactly meditate, but some of those prayers work wonders when you have to focus your mind. I found the switch just few hours before we went to city.” Okay. I wasn’t going to gut Kurt. Naming our first child after him was closer to the truth.

I’m not going to lie. To some extent her skin was an issue to me. Not because it was lethal, but because what it did to her. It made her so unsure and made her clamp up. Now that it was off, she was still nervous, but she let her curiosity show. She wanted to undress me. I let her do it.

“Last time you wear something this stupid!” I was laughing so hard my stomach hurt. She was behind me, trying to pull off my shirt. I don’t usually dress up, but tonight I had worn a real dress shirt, and she had forgotten to open the cuffs.
“Honey? Let me help…” Quick flick with my claws and shirt fell off easily. Pants and the belt left. But it looked like she was a bit distracted. I got distracted, too. She wrapped her hands around me from behind and started planting small kisses to my back, hands trying to unbuckle my belt simultaneously. I had to brace my arms to the wall. Nobody had never ever done something like this to me. My knees were about to give up, and she just kept going, covering my whole back. It felt so good that I couldn’t breathe anymore. She managed to open my belt and pants.

Ta-dah! Fanfares! Lengthy description about how big, veiny and throbbing I was! Not. Okay, I’m hung like a horse, but at that moment all the blood that should have been down there had gathered somewhere around my heart and brain. I could practically smell her surprise.
“We have to work for it, darling…” I said and turned around, shrugging pants off from my ankles. I turned her around and opened buttons of her dress. Peeled it off from her and turned her around again. Much better. All naked. She hadn’t even worn panties. I sat down to my bed and pulled her between my thighs. And fuck I was so nervous I had to twirl her around again. I lay down, taking her with me, her back against my stomach, my face buried to the back of her neck. We lay there for several minutes. I tried to calm down, and she was probably wondering what the hell was going on.

“We don’t have to do this if…” She started to get up. Crap.
“But I want to. Just… We don’t have to hurry. There’s no rush, right?” God, I sounded desperate. Well, I was. Desperate and horny and so fucking scared that I would screw the whole thing up and she would decide I wasn’t worth it after all. She turned around and pulled my head against her chest.
“We don’t have to hurry. We can take this slow. I just thought that…” She was combing her fingers through my hair, nails scraping my scalp lightly.
“What ever you may think of me, you’re basing it to my memories. My past. And that doesn’t mean a thing. It’s something that has been. This is now. This is us. Stop rifling through that filth and open your eyes. You won’t get to know me if you walk with the memory of mine.”

Big words. Well, they were only thing big that night. I was too fucking nervous. Couldn’t get it up. But she took it well. In the end we just fell asleep, my head cradled to her lap, hands around her waist.

Next morning I woke up to a pleasant feeling. During the night we had moved and turned a bit. She was behind me now, breasts pressing against my back, hand thrown around my waist. And that hand wasn’t idle. Oh, no. Not idle at all. Nails scraping lightly my sack, fingers curling around my shaft, teasing the head… For a moment I pondered weather I should pretend sleeping and let her finish, or join the game. When scent of her arousal tickled my nose, game won.
“Good morning…” I rolled on my back and pulled her on top of me.
“Good morn…” Sorry, darling. Just had to kiss you. I felt great. Little groggy and dizzy, lazy even. She was there, soft and warm, hair tousled, eyes still sleepy. Suddenly she started to squirm and giggle.
“Let go!” She slid away from me and crawled back under the covers.
“It’s cold out there…” She whispered and cuddled against my side.
“I’ll warm you up…” I rolled on top of her, between her thighs and kissed her again. Never been a big fan of kissing, but with her it was different. She tasted so good I could have spent hours just devouring her, lips, neck breasts, stomach… You get the picture. Pretty soon I was resting my head on her lower abdomen.

“Don’t…” I wanted to taste her down there, but she was too squeamish for that. Had to settle to lick my fingers clean. Even that made her blush.
“I think I found something better than beer…” Couldn’t resist that remark. And it was the truth. Believe me, there’s not many things in life I rate above it. Marie might be the only one.
“Could you just…” She was tugging me closer, wrapping her legs around my waist. Happy to oblige. Thank God she wasn’t a virgin. Would have been a slaughter. It had been quite a while when I last got laid.

She wasn’t a virgin, but might as well have been. She was so fucking tight I was scared I would break something. I pushed in, and then I had to stop. She was cramping around me, whimpering and scratching my back.
“Did I hurt you?”
“Don’t… Don’t fucking stop!” Okay. I won’t. I won’t…

I seriously thought I was going to die when she came. Whole body trashing and convulsing under mine, teeth lodged to my throat and nails digging in to my back. Learned something interesting about myself. Little pain has always been welcome, but she managed to find a spot from my neck that made me come instantly. Not as pleasant as it might sound. I screamed. Me. Screaming during sex. I was fucking mortified afterwards, but she promised not to do it again. Riiiight. Fucking little minx…