When I opened my eyes I was thankful that the blinds were drawn to the window. But the light peeking under the edges made me wince. My mouth was dry as I tried to swallow, I groaned slightly. It’s something I do the morning after anything. I tried to remember what happened. I was blank, my head ache made it far too difficult to concentrate. I took a deep breath and opened my eyes, finally trying to look around. It took me a moment to recognize where I was.

Logan’s room?
Next to me I heard him sigh the gentle ‘Logan’ sigh of a deep slumber. I’ve slept over in Logan’s room before of course, he always sleeps without his shirt on. I glanced down at myself and stifled a gasp as I clutched the covers to my chest. I however, usually don’t sleep in my underwear.

What happened last night? I felt my heart pounding against my chest loud enough to make my head ache far worse. No... I couldn’t have. I didn’t. I glanced over at him. We did not just...

I stopped that thought dead in its tracks as I quietly lifted the covers off of myself and grabbed the first item of clothing I could off the floor. It was slightly baggy on me, Logan’s shirt. Fantastic... I tiptoed around the room, grabbing my jeans off the ground and carefully clutching my head as though it would make it go away.

I saw my bra hanging off the door knob in the bathroom. Oh right, I remember that now... I pulled my boots on and opened the door, peeking my head out. The coast was clear. My room is only three doors down. It’ll be fine... if I can just sneak out...

“Marie?”
His voice made me jump. I closed the door and spun around to see him sitting up rubbing his forehead looking at me. “Um...” I murmured slowly. I waved one hand and forced a smile. “Hi.”

He lowered his hand from his head and gave me a long hard stare before the corner of his lips lifted. “Are you wearing my shirt?" His smile was painfully charming. I remember that from last night too.

I bit my lip trying to restrain my smile. “I... I can’t find mine.” He rolled his eyes at me and leaned back against his headboard. I stood in silence for a moment holding my jeans against my chest. He started to stand up and pull on his jeans so I spun around immediately out of habit so that he didn’t feel awkward.

“What are you doing?” His voice sounded amused, and suddenly closer. I turned back around to face him and he smiled, standing barely a foot away wearing just his jeans and no shirt. Enticing enough to make me want to run away. I opened my mouth but nothing came out. “It’s nothing you haven’t seen before.” He murmured.

My smile faded and he noticed immediately, changing the subject. “Happy nineteenth birthday kid,” he said with a smile. I took a deep breath and gave him a look.

He looked distracted for a moment before he reached up towards the fan and grabbed something off it. He handed it to me and I realized it was my shirt. “There it is.” I murmured.

My eyebrows pulled together. “I don’t remember that...”
He grinned. “I do.” When I gave him a dirty look he shrugged. “You’re a light weight.”

I shook my head. “Whatever, I’m going to go take a shower.” I put my hand on the doorknob and he laughed at me as I opened it.

I intended on sneaking to my room but there was someone standing at the door. I opened it to find Storm about to knock with a surprised look on her face as she inspected me. “Ororo.” Logan growled. “What is it?”

She didn’t take her harsh gaze off of me. “I need to talk to you.” He nodded and I slipped out the door running to my bedroom as quickly as I could. I slammed the door behind me. Shit. Shit. Shit.

I slept with Logan.

I took a deep breath and wiped the mirror so that I could look at myself. “Well,” I murmured. “You’ve gone and done a number haven’t you?” I clenched my teeth together before grabbing my toothbrush and trying to calm myself down. It’s only 10:00 am. It’ll be fine. Nothing has to change. I can simply act as though nothing happened whatsoever. He can’t argue with that, right? He’s always complaining about the girls he ends up with not being able to keep their mouth shut. It’ll be fine.

I let my wet hair fall down my shoulders, not bothering to do anything with it today. My head was pounding making it even more difficult to think clearly. I walked towards my bed and was about to lay down but I realize my covers were strewn about.

I could have sworn I made my bed when I woke up on my birthday. In fact I’m sure of it. How on earth did this happen? Oh... Wait...

Six hours earlier...

I felt the bed moving and I glanced over to see Logan’s outline standing up. My mind scrambled around. “Noooooo...” I giggled fiercely. “Logan stay here.” He turned around, and grinned down at me, leaning over and mashing his lips against mine. He pulled back and looked into my eyes.

“Darlin, we both know my rooms better.” He sounded drunk, woozy. “‘Sides, I’m aloud to smoke in my room.”

I shook my head overdramatically. “But... But...” I stumbled trying to remember what word I had been wanting to use. “My room... my room has windows.”

“Throw some clothes on, don’t want to give Kitty a scare.” He told me still smiling. I pulled on my jeans slowly, with his gaze on me all the while. I grabbed my loose black t-shirt from a drawer before he came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. “How the hell do you look sexy in a T-Shirt?”

He grabbed my wrist and pulled me around, kneeling over and throwing me onto his back. When I shrieked he laughed that fierce Logan chuckle of his that drives me wild. I can’t begin to explain how happy that one sound can make me.

As we stumbled into his bedroom he landed me on my feet and his hands slipped up my shirt, pulling it off he threw it high over his shoulder with a growl. My arms locked around his neck as he kissed me and we slammed against the bathroom door. We broke apart briefly and I giggled as I pulled my bra off, leaving it hanging off something.

“Do you think anyone can hear us?” I whispered frantically as I undid his belt buckle.
He laughed as we fell to the bed.

“We’re lucky of the entire school doesn’t hear us.”
And his jeans were off.

Present Time...

I started making the bed trying not to remember exactly what happened on every inch of it. I fluffed the pillows slowly before I saw something sticking out from under the bed. A box. Shit, condoms? I looked closer at the box. It was mostly empty. Exactly how many of these did we fucking go through? I threw the rest of them in the nearby garbage. I won’t need them again.

I need a coffee...

Housecoat on, I headed down the stairs with a newspaper. I heard laughter and immediately winced at the sound as though I was Scrooge. It wasn’t the happiness that pained me of course, it was this dreadful hangover of the morning after my birthday. Logan had gone to speak with the professor while I headed downstairs, perhaps for some eggs which I happened to be in the mood for.

I walked into the kitchen and silence swept through like a plague. I paused in the entrance, before I forced myself to continue taking my time as I walked in, pulled out a mug and filled it with coffee. I poured in the cream, one scoop of sugar and finally turned around to look at the people staring at me.

I think the look on Kitty’s face was the most amusing. She had a bright smile, but her eyes were full of frustration of wanting to ask me something. Kurt was next to her, and Bobby sitting at the table pretending he wasn’t paying attention to me when he was, picking at his breakfast. Storm was looking a little... under the weather, no pun intended and Jean was busy talking to Scott who was staring at me with the same look as everyone in the room. Remy simply looked smug.

I leaned against the counter and took a sip of my coffee, ignoring the giant elephant in the room. “And how is everyone doing today?” Kitty laughed at me, while Remy shook his head.

“You tell me chere. Remy thinks you had a fun night.” He had on that look that he was convinced made all the girls swoon. Everyone but me of course.

I shrugged. “It’s what one can expect on her birthday right?”
“Of course.” Scott chuckled under his breath.

My eyes narrowed. “Well.” I mumbled. “I guess I’ll see you all later.” I started to head towards the door, before hearing frantic whispers. I was about to turn around and dramatically point out that I’m still in the room, before I bumped into what felt like a very familiar brick wall.

“Hi Logan,” I heard Kitty say from behind me. However I still couldn’t lift my gaze from the ground to look at him. I took a deep breath and slowly started to raise my head to look at him. Right... This is when he tells me that last night was a mistake in front of everyone.

His eyes smouldered me, brown and soulful. If I could, I’d spend most my time staring into Logan’s eyes. There’s so much there that I can’t begin to explain. There’s pain but there are so many unidentifiable emotions that I could drown in. “Hi Logan.” I whispered.

He smiled at me, that kind of natural smile that you do without wanting to or being capable of stopping. It slips across your face in one gentle motion. I only know, because he makes me do it all the time. For the life of me I don’t know why he has that power over me. Though, I try to shy away from that subject as much as I can.

“Leaving so early?” He murmured taking a step closer to me, which immediately made me take a step back into the kitchen.

“I think I’ll just go kill some time.” I stuttered “It’s kind of... loud.”
He nodded. “I was about to go out for breakfast, feel like joining me?”
I heard the snickers behind me. “Um, you know I think I’ll just be in my room for a bit, I’m going to take a shower.” I pushed past him and headed out into the hallway away from indecent stares.

“Marie,” he called after me as I got halfway up the stairs. I spun around in time to see him place on foot on the bottom stair as though he was ready to chase me. Fuck, the memories come flooding back. Does it ever stop? “You already took a shower.” He laughed, but I kept walking. “Come on; don’t act like you don’t know me.” He coaxed easily. “You’re not like that.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I murmured, in a hushed voice as I glanced around to make sure that no one was listening.
“You know exactly what I’m talking about.” He challenged. I spun around and continued up the stairs, but he followed me.

“What are you afraid of?” he demanded as I entered my bedroom.
“Look Logan, you don’t have to worry about it okay?” I muttered. “I’m not that kind of girl. I get it. We weren’t sober. It was a mistake.”

“I never said it was a mistake Marie, you said that.” I walked further into my room and into the bathroom before I spun around and looked him in the eyes.

Just then there was a knock at my door. I closed my eyes briefly before I pushed past Logan and walked to the door. Piotr stood there. “Rogue, Storm needs you to accompany Logan on a mission.” Just then Logan came around the corner. “Oh, you’re both here.” He nodded. “Pyro has escaped.”

I took a deep breath. “Sure, I’ll go get ready.”
I grabbed a bag out of my closet and quickly grabbed the essentials. I was about to do it up before I saw Logan reach into the trash and throw the box of condoms into the bag. “You’ll need these.”

I grabbed them and threw them at his head, which he caught a second too soon with a laugh. “Just sayin’”

I cannot begin to explain how difficult it is to not think about what happened the night before when you’re sitting next to them. I tried to keep my eyes on the road, like he was. I tried to distract myself with my cell phone. I tried listening to music, reading a book, looking at the maps and eating gummy bears but no. Logan’s amused smile cannot and will not be avoided.

We were passing through the Rocky mountains in the middle of nowhere on an old dirt road now. He said it was s hortcut and I was in no mood to argue, so I kept my mouth shut as we drove against the mountain, right beside cliff that lead into a valley.

For the millionth time I let my gaze flicker over to him, and I rolled my eyes as I remembered...

10:00 pm the night before; the beginning of the party:

I was standing beside Bobby, we were talking for the first time in forever while the room was filled with people, the lights low and the music high. “So what do you want to do now that you’re nineteen?” He murmured taking a drink.

I smiled, unsure as I raked my brain for something I wanted to do. As I looked around Logan walked by, and the dark part of my brain took over. Just a moment later my head was filled with his amused laughter. The wolverine inside my mind was never taking time off from making fun of me.

I remembered Bobby there waiting for me. “I’m not sure,” I stumbled immediately. “I think I just want to have a good time.”

“We’ll make sure of that!” Kitty chirped from behind me. I laughed and adjusted my dress slightly It went down to just above my knees. It was black, a bit more tight than my usual attire. It certainly didn’t leave much to the imagination, which could be why Logan was avoiding me.

My circle of friends laughed and shared stories at my expense while Remy came up behind me and wrapped his arms around me, resting his chin on my shoulder. I remember telling him I loved it when he did this when we were dating, but it’s different now of course. Now we’re not. As I gentle started to push him off he pulled me closer. “What’re wrong with some fun now and then chere?”

There was a growl behind me, Remy’s arms dropped to his sides and I spun around to see Logan with that look in his eyes. The one he nor I can describe. I ask him what he’s thinking, and all he can say is ‘thoughts.’ He says some thoughts can’t be explained, some things can only be felt. There’s no logic to them, the indescribable emotion simply floods you when they occur.

Logan didn’t meet my gaze. He was staring at Remy. “You’re right,” he grumbled as he walked forward still not looking at me and handed me a beer. “What’s wrong with some fun now and then?” The tone in his voice was part joke part ‘get the fuck out of here Gambit.’

Logan watched Remy walk away before taking a big swig of his beer and turning back to me.

“Having a good time kid?”

Present time...

I snapped back to reality in a moment. “What?” I mumbled, trying to remember what he had just said. Logan smiled. “I said are you having a good time kid?” I rubbed the back of my neck and looked around.

I felt my eyes narrow. “You aren’t allowed to call me kid anymore.” I murmured. “I’m not a kid anymore.”

I watched his grin stretch across his face. “Believe me. I know that.” His voice was overly dramatic as I said that and I suddenly felt like an idiot. I knew he was remembering something about last night. I couldn’t begin to think of what.

“Do you want to talk about last night?” he murmured slowly.
“No.” I answered easily.
“And why not?” He said slyly.
I shrugged. “I don’t remember most of it.”

He chuckled, and glanced away from the road to look at me briefly as he did. “That’s okay. I do.” I folded my arms across my chest not wanting to reply and hoping that he’d shut up. That’s too much to ask of Logan. Keeping his mouth shut is not something he’s good at. “Well where can I start?” he smiled. “I’ll fill you in darling.”

“I don’t want you to fill me in and I don’t want to talk about it. I’d honestly just like to not be in this car.” I hissed darkly glancing away from him. We were in the middle of nowhere, hadn’t passed a car in hours.

He stopped the car and looked over at me. “You’re saying you can’t even stand to be in the same car as me now?”

I took off my seatbelt and got out, slamming the door. “No. I’d just rather not have to go anywhere right now.”

“Grow up Rogue, we fucked. We didn’t decide to go steady. Would you calm down for a minute?” He yelled getting out of the car and walking over to me.

“Don’t tell me to calm down!” I hissed backing away from him towards the cliff behind me. “I’m fine with it! It wasn’t a problem for me.”

“Oh it wasn’t?” he laughed. “Yeah. That explains why you’ve been avoiding me, the subject of it and constantly throwing it in my face that it was a mistake.”

“And I’m not the one going around fucking everyone and then telling me that they meant nothing to you!” I screamed. “I don’t want to mean nothing Logan! I don’t want to be another Emma, Jean, Kayla or Storm!”

I saw his eyes soften for just a moment before his arms wound around my waist, and he kissed me hard. I felt us leaning up against the car, and his hands sliding up my shirt, my legs around his torso. Every part of me was tingling.

I heard the slight crunch of tires on the dirt road and I immediately pushed him off me, thinking that someone was driving towards us. But when my feet landed on the ground, I realized it was the car behind me moving. It was going backwards.

Logan and I watched in shock as it picked up speed and rolled down the road, and then rolled off the cliff.

“Shit.”

I blinked before I glanced over at Logan who chuckled slightly as he stared straight ahead. Finally with a smile on his face he looked over at me. I glared at him and his smile faded. “You think this is funny?” I demanded angrily.

He rolled his eyes. “Come on now, I didn’t do it on purpose.”

I grimaced as I reached into my pocket to grab my cell phone, only to realize it wasn’t there. My eyes widened and he let out another laugh. “This isn’t funny! I left my damn phone on the dash!” I stomped my foot out of impulse as my fists tightened. I looked back to him who was laughing still. “Do you have your phone?”

He shrugged and reached into his pocket. After looking at it briefly he smiled. “No signal.” He chucked it at me to prove it.

I glared at the screen that showed no bars, simply the little sign. “No service.” I groaned and looked around. “The last sign we passed, how many kilometres are we from the next gas station?”

“Twenty three.” He answered without hesitation. “We’re better off waiting here.”

“Fantastic.” I muttered under my breath as I started walking down the road towards where the SUV had fallen. The sun was beating down on us and I pulled my hair into a ponytail. These damn black leather suits are not any fun without air conditioning.

As I undid my suit I sighed, as a cool breeze washed across my face. I was suddenly glad I was wearing my jean shorts and a tank underneath. When I got it off completely I met Logan’s gaze for the first time. “What.” I growled.

He held up both hands in surrender. “I’m not gonna complain.”
“It’s hot okay?” I justified myself and kept walking.
He followed quickly behind me. “I know. It’s hot.”

I avoided smiling.

11:00 the night before.

Outside the main hall which was filled with people chattering and partying, I had wandered out to the balcony and leaned over the ledge, trying to breathe deeply. I had no idea why I was having a party. I’m not this kind of person, but of course Professor Xavier had insisted.

“Kid?” Someone said behind me. Logan walked up and leaned his back against the balcony next to me. “Are you alright?”

I shrugged without looking up at him. “What’s the point in counting birthdays Logan?” I sighed.

He chuckled slightly. “Maybe it’s to make us somewhat aware of the passing years...” I knew he was smiling when he used that tone. I looked up at him, and when he met my gaze his smile faded. “But with you... I’m all too aware of the time being lost.”

My eyebrows pulled together. “I’m nineteen. Not ninety.” He shrugged. “I wish I didn’t age.” I murmured slowly.

His eyes narrowed in a flash of white rage. “No you don’t.” He muttered, his tone startling me. I’ve never seen him be this serious. “After a while... everyone dies.” When I didn’t answer him he sighed and looked out at the dark horizon. “People are so naive. No one really knows the value of being able to grow old with someone.” His gaze flickered over to me for a moment.

He shook his head to himself. I took a deep breath before setting my hand on top of his. “Is that what you want?” I asked softly.

Logan muttered something to himself that I didn’t catch. “Come on Marie, your party is waiting.” He took my hand and started pulling me into the hall where everyone was waiting.

“No, Logan, come on.” I muttered just as we were getting into hearing distance of everyone. “What do you want?”

He turned around, his eyes full of the intensity and fire, of words that may never be said aloud.

I looked down the steep drop to see the jeep there, somewhat roughed up with assorted dents that I could see so far, but the frame entirely looked fine. The ‘cliff’ wasn’t too bad. I could make it down there, just grab a couple things and contact Xavier with what little I had been saving of Jean’s power. I adjusted my shorts and started down.

Logan grabbed my wrist and pulled me back. “What’re you doing?”
Isn’t it obvious? I thought sarcastically. “I’m going down to get whatever is still intact.” I answered easily, and took another step forward only to be pulled back again.

“No, Rogue come on. It’s unsafe.” He murmured, taking a glance at the ledge.
“It’s easy, I can just climb down, there’s all sorts of roots and stuff to hang onto.” I folded my arms across my chest, annoyed he thought he could stop me.

“If you fell,” he started glancing over the edge again. “It would be a two story drop.”
“I won’t fall.” I hissed.
“If.” He said again.

I glared at him. “If I fall, I’ll just touch you. Wow! Healing powers! Is that new?”
He met my glare fiercely. “I’m not letting you go.”

“And who put you in charge?” I growled.
“You. Last night.” He grinned darkly. He altered his voice to be imitating a female one. “Oh Logan. Do whatever you want.”

My face flushed with red as my eyes widened with shock and fury. My hands balled up into fists and I tried to restrain myself against my fiery need to kill him. I took a swing at his face. My left hook he caught in mid-air deflecting it. My right fist however, made contact against his cheekbone.

“You overconfident asshole!” I yelled at him as he backed up away from me to avoid being hit again. He’s used to pain, and didn’t satisfy me with buckling over and holding his face in agony. Instead, I watched as the small gash I left there healed and he looked like normal again. “Why do you keep bringing it up?” I demanded angrily. “You like pissing me off?”

He shrugged, folding his arms across his chest. “I’d like to know why you avoid the subject so much.” He told me easily.

“Ah.” I muttered. “I jus’ don’t like the fact that ah slept with you when ah was drinkin!” I yelled. Dammit all. The second I start getting angry that damn southern accent comes back uncontrollably.

He grinned, recognizing the sound of it. I took a deep breath trying to control and prepare myself for whatever he was going to say next. “I don’t know why you work so hard to hide that drawl of yours darlin.” He murmured.

I glared at him and took my time replying. “I don’t want everyone to know what I ran away from.” My voice had softened so I tried to remember what we were fighting about. “We slept together when neither of us were thinking straight. That’s not how I thought our first time would go.”

He nodded, before another grin flashed across his face. “But you did think about it.”
I glared at the incorrigible bastard. “Can I go down to the jeep now?”

Logan’s expression shifted to anger promptly. “I’ll go. I’m a bit more durable.”
I sighed. “Grab the water bottles, we’ll walk to the next town. And grab my backpack, it’s got a bunch of granola bars.”

“Gross.” He muttered under his breath.
I couldn’t help but smile. He never liked granola bars.

He started making his way down. It looked a whole lot steeper now that he was on it, it looked like the drop was almost straight down. “Take your time.” I murmured quietly, but I knew he could hear me.

He didn’t look up. “Healing factor. Remember?”
I could picture what he was doing. And I had started to realize that perhaps the cliff wasn’t as easy to climb down as I had thought. I continued watching has he made it halfway down. There were no slips. Logan was steady, not slow, but he every step closer to the ground he took was certain and stable.

Suddenly, I heard a sickening snap, and I watched as the root Logan grabbed onto broke.

“LOGAN!” I screamed.

And he fell.
He fell all the way down. The thud of his heavy metal body was the worst sound I have ever heard.

I was frozen. Horrified. Unable to think for a moment of what to do. I just stared down the cliff at Logan’s unmoved body. It just laid there, in a twisted position, his arm bents slightly under his body and his leg positioned awkwardly, the wrong way. My breathing was shallow. I was panicking I knew that. I glanced around desperately. I need to get down there. I need to get down there.

Thoughts filled my mind. The panicked thoughts of the ghost powers I had taken. There was only one that ripped through the others, louder with purpose. It was a thick German accent and without thinking I grasped onto that voice, that power, ran and jumped off the cliff.

The adrenaline forced my body to react and I went from two stories above the waiting ground, to just a meter above it. I fell, tumbling over myself, tripping and stirring up sand and dust. Although I had been certain that I had nothing left of Kurt’s power, I had somehow managed to harness enough to get me down here. I had no idea how.

My heart was pounding loudly, in my ears, I couldn’t hear anything but my own loud pulse. I glanced to my left and saw Logan still laying there. “Logan!” I shrieked, my voice hoarse and part whisper. It didn’t sound like my own.

I crawled over to him frantically and gently pulled his arm out from under him, and then put his leg back into a more normal position. “Please wake up Logan, please.” I pleaded close to tears. His eyes remained closed. I set my hands on the sides of his face and stared down at him. “Logan,” I whimpered before I leaned over him, setting my head on his chest as I wrapped my arms around him. “Please.” I whispered, feeling the tears streak down my face now.

Then I heard a groan, and my head snapped up to look at his face. He coughed and groaned again. “Fuck that hurt.” He said, his voice matter of fact as though he was talking about playing scrabble. I breathed for the first time in what felt like forever as he turned to look at me. His expression was so shocked at seeing me I realized I must have looked a lot worse than I thought. “Hey,” He murmured, his voice kinder now. “Healing factor. It’s not new.” He was trying to make a joke out of it, but a sob escaped my lips.

His arms were around me in a second, and we stayed like that for a moment, before I felt him lift my chin up with just one finger to look at him. With his thumbs he wiped away my tears. “It’s okay.” He murmured to me softly. I took in a deep shuddered breath and made myself calm down. “Are you alright?” I had intended my voice to sound calm and firm. It came out in a broken mumble.

He didn’t break my gaze, just stared into my eyes full of concern, and he nodded. “I’m fine.” He assured me. “Good as new.” I forced myself to nod, and dragged myself to my feet. He stood up as well, still staring at me.

“Good.” I said, my voice steadier now. I looked down at myself and realized I was completely covered in dirt and dust. My face and hair must be just as bad. I looked over at the Jeep and started to walk towards it, but I was dizzy, and I nearly fell down with the first step.

Suddenly Logan was beside me, and he had my arm. “Why don’t you take a moment to calm down huh?” He suggested, but I could see he was still consumed in his thoughts. I nodded, and he helped me over to a shady tree. I sat down, and he walked over to the car, grabbing two bottles of water before joining me.

I took a long gulp. I felt sick to my stomach now. Calming down was out of the question. I sat in silence for a while, unable to think. I was just, completely out of it. Finally, Logan spoke.

“Wow.” He murmured.
“Wow what.”
“All this time, I thought you didn’t give a shit.” He chuckled “But it’s the opposite, isn’t it?” His voice didn’t make it sound like a question. Almost a statement. But he was right. He was definitely right. I’m the biggest hypocrite around. But I won’t say it. I can’t tell him. I could never say it out loud.

When the professor sent Storm and Remy to pick us up, I was certain that the silence between Logan and I was deafening. The quiet scared me. The speechlessness was scarring. Wordlessly, I walked onto the Jet, dodging the glare from Storm. The last time I saw her was when I had left Logan’s room. She had obviously been avoiding me since then.

I stared out the window at the passing clouds, three seats away from Logan who I knew was looking at me from the corner of my eye. It was foolish of me to worry for just a moment about Logan; the indestructible man. Unbreakable, resilient, unstoppable Logan. He has lost everything he has ever known time and time again, yet he still is open. While I, who have lost nothing can’t even let him in.

I’m just a foolish girl, a brainless girl who at one point believed in love. But somehow, in the crossfire of running from everything and leaving hopes behind, that belief had been lost. How had I changed from that sorry seventeen year old that Logan found in the bar?

I had Jean in me.

I was waiting for the cure, waiting in the long line up of mutants who hated themselves for being who they were. I was waiting for the hope to become someone better. Or perhaps I was waiting for someone to stop me. But no one tried. I had neared the front of the line, looked around for Bobby to stop me. Bobby to tell me I didn’t have to change for him. Instead no one came. And I left alone. No one tried to stop me.

Not even Logan. Not that I blame him. He had been torn up about Jean. And that was probably why, when he saw me standing on what was left of the Golden Gate Bridge, he had taken my hand and dragged me towards her. “Just weaken her a bit, and she’ll calm down.” He had kept saying over and over again. I knew he was out of it. I could feel it in my mind. He was lacking sleep, running on pure adrenaline and fear of losing Jean again.

When we had reached her, every part of me felt torn, like my skin had been chewed off. I fell to the ground in front of them, vaguely aware that Logan was trying to coax the real Jean back. I didn’t believe it was possible. Before I heard her voice. I was drifting in and out of consciousness. And I looked up at Logan, standing in front of her begging for her to come back. I dragged myself closer to them, pulled off my glove, and latched one hand onto her bare leg. I felt the power soaring into me, but somehow the Phoenix remained upright. “You would die for them?” I heard her hiss while she drained into me.

Logan’s face was terrified, and heartbreaking as he shook his head, his eyes filling with tears. “Not for them.” He had yelped brokenly. “For you.” I watched Jean surface in the body I was clutching. The body that would soon be empty of its power. But I couldn’t let go. I couldn’t make myself. There was too much to leave, too much to handle.

Tears streamed down Jean’s face. “Kill me.” She whimpered. Logan’s claws stabbed through her chest, and she died in his arms, a peaceful smile on her face. What Logan doesn’t know, is that he wasn’t the one who killed her.

I was.

*

When we arrived at the mansion I knew why I had a problem with Logan wanting anything to do with me. It was because I had far more Jean in me than he believed. And I couldn’t help but believe that was what he was attracted to. The part of me that was her. She was loyal and noble. The only reason I noticed that I had her traits in me at all was because when I thought of Scott, my views on him had completely changed. That. And the Phoenix side; savage, animalistic and short tempered. I had become all of them.

Sleeping with Logan may not have even been my decision. That may be what worries me the most. The Wolverine in my head chuckled at the thought.

{Don’t be stupid girlie.} He told me. {You know you wanted it.}

Jean was a part of me I always tried my best to hide. I didn’t want it, and I had been able to mostly suppress it with methods the professor had given me to suppress my own abilities. But Jean was strong and I did catch glimpses of minds I wasn’t supposed to see. The telepathy was another matter. I had no control of that, not that it surfaced often. But when it did, no one would think of me. Without a telepath in the mansion it was difficult for the now in charge Storm to determine a common factor.

When I was finally in my room pulling off my shirt I remembered a glimpse of Logan pulling off his. I nearly smiled, but stopped myself as my hand suddenly felt sticky. Without thinking I pressed it to my stomach, intending on taking a shower later to wash off all the dirt and grime. I had just about collapsed on my bed before I happened to look at my hand. Blood?

I was confused. Must be Logan’s. I walked a bit too calmly to the bathroom and looked at myself. My face had scuffs of dirt on my cheeks, nose and forehead, while my hair was in a tangled pony tail. But I realized as I glanced down to my stomach, that there was blood all over me that had been concealed by my black tank top. I gasped as I looked at the gash extending over my skin. I hadn’t even realized how much my hands were shaking; covered in blood.

I sucked in a ragged breath to stop myself from screaming. Just a cut. Just a cut. I washed off my hands and grabbed my plaid housecoat , sneaking into the hallway. Just make it to the med-bay. It’ll be fine. But I now felt dizzy. Nauseous. Why hadn’t I noticed this before? No need to attract attention. I swayed as I walked, unaware of the motion.

My arms were wrapped around myself as I heard his voice. “Kid?” then again, closer but somehow more quiet. “Kid, are you alright?” I saw his face, staring down at me in concern, and then I blacked out.

*

No sound. No silence. There was only the indescribable faint buzzing the back of my mind, and the gentle hum of the people talking around me. “How did you let dis’ happen?” the thick Cajun accent demanded.

“There’s no need to rush to conclusions Remy.” I heard Storm’s authority cut through like a knife. “Rogue is not weak, and does not always need his protection.”

“Dis’ proves otherwise, no?” Gambit muttered darkly.
“Shut up mop top,” Someone growled. The last person I wanted to be here and the first. He was closer than the others. “before I make you.”

“Logan, she’s going to be fine. You haven’t had a solid meal in days, go get some food and come back.” Storm suggested gently.

“I know another way she’ll be fine.” He mumbled in a deep rumbled growl.
“That’s counterproductive.” Storm pointed out.
“I don’t give a shit.” Logan muttered. “This is my fault. I smelled blood on the Jet, I didn’t put it together.”
“We all had a long day, you can’t blame this on yourself.” Storm soothed, but he didn’t answer.

I opened my mouth to say it was no big deal but ended up coughing instead. “Rogue” I heard storm say and put a glass of water in front of me with a straw. I lifted my arm to take it, I felt weak, but I wanted to show that it didn’t matter. I took a drink. “How long have I been out?”

“Two days.” Storm answered. I looked at her and was glad that she wasn’t glaring at me anymore. I wonder if she has a thing for Logan.
I looked over at Logan. “And how long have you been here?”

“He hasn’t left.” Remy muttered annoyed.
Logan was staring at me, like he was trying to force a smile. There was a look in his eyes that was tortured. “You collapsed right in front of me.”

“Sorry.” I muttered. I was vaguely aware that Remy and Storm left.
“For?”
I took a deep breath, and stuttered as I spoke. “Falling in front of you.” And falling for you.
He shrugged, looking a bit less tense now.

“I guess now I know how it feels.”

When I got out of the med-bay Remy was waiting for me outside, leaning against the wall with a cigarette. His eyes black and frustrated, he projected every emotion he was feeling. There was annoyance, jealousy, anger and most of all worry. As he took a long puff he stared at the ground before looking at me and concentrating on my face for a long time. I had done my best to appear less pale, less ghostly as Logan described it when he tried to convince me to take his powers. Somehow, I knew I certainly didn’t look any less sallow.

We were outside, there were a few trees but mostly park benches and an empty field. We stood at the door, and I stared out at the sports equipment that had been left there. There were footballs and soccer balls left lying around and a couple sports mats. I was thinking about how it was probably here for Logan’s defence class when Remy spoke.

“You slept with Wolvie, no?” He stated quickly, desperate to get the foul tasting words out of his mouth. He met my gaze briefly when I nodded, and he did the same in response. “Remy was dere when you left chere.” He told me fiercely. “You were drunk.”

I vaguely remembered him trying to stop me, and I had assured him that I was just showing Logan my moves on the pool table... Consequently in more ways than one. Either way, I didn’t understand what he was getting at. “So?”

He took another puff of his cigarette and blew it away from me. “How much do you remember?” he murmured slowly.

My eyes narrowed. “Why?” My tone was no longer questioning, it was on the verge of dangerous demanding.
“Did he...” It seemed like he couldn’t finish his sentence.
“Did he what?” I demanded.

“Did you want to—”
I felt the glare shift across my face instantly as I interrupted. “You mean did Logan take advantage of me??” I spat incredulously, close to furious laughter. “Of course not you stupid Cajun! Disappointed I didn’t go to your bed that night?”

Fire flickered across his dark ruby eyes briefly. “No.” He snarled.
“Then what’s your problem.” I growled, my fists tingling, I realized I wanted to hit him.
He smirked. “Remy had two theories ‘bout why my chere was actin dis way for de last lil’ while.” I glared at him, but he continued. “Either you regretted it.” His gaze shifted, and the corner of his lips curled upwards. “Or chere has some serious feelings for dah wolverine.”

“You stupid cocky Cajun!” I yelled and tried to hit him. He caught my fist in midair and then the other. He held them there, far stronger than I was, but I struggled angrily trying to pull my hands free. “If you ever say anything like that again I swear I’m going to neuter you with a rusty jackknife.”

He pushed me backwards and swung my legs out from under me, lowering me gently to the ground aware of my bandages and pinned me there. “Tell me de truth den chere,” He murmured, unfazed by what I said. My arms were pinned to the ground beside me and he was sitting on top of me, making it impossible to move. “Tell me you’re in love with dah wolverine.”

I stared up at him, into his eyes for a moment, not wanting to admit it to him. How dare he? I felt the anger coursing through me. And then I felt strained, weakened and sore. My blood was boiling, and all I could hear was my own pulse. “No...” I whimpered softly.

Before I knew what was happening, Remy was leaning over me pressing his lips to mine, his lips parted and lightly traced over mine, still pinning me to the ground.

I heard a growl. “Get off of her Cajun.”

He sat straight up just as I realized. “Logan?” Just as I said his name, out of the corner of my eye I saw the park bench nearby topple to the ground, and all the sports equipment bounce down as well. I had been levitating everything within a three mile radius. I looked around and saw what I had done before I watched Remy get off of me and met Logan’s dark gaze.

Busted.

Logan had grabbed my wrist and was dragging me down the hallway, not gently whatsoever. I had long since realized that he had no intention of stopping, all I could do was hold on for the ride as he pulled me towards Xavier’s office. Well... Storm’s office now. We walked in and the second Storm looked at my face and then to Logan’s she spoke. “What’s this?” she asked, only interested because she had clearly never seen Logan treat me this way before.

“The kid had been hiding something from us.” Logan growled fiercely. His gaze never met mine as I watched his fists clench and unclench. I couldn’t help but wonder if he was angry about me keeping this from him, or what he had just seen me do with Remy. Just then the door opened and Remy walked in, his expression just as pissed.

“Chere is not wrong for doing dis.” He snarled furiously. “Dere are reasons dat she wouldn’t want to tell us.” His gaze flickered to mine briefly before back to Storm who looked confused, but a mixture of anger with that confusion. “It makes sense dat she would want to keep it to herself a while, before exposing herself.”

A silence fell over the room, and slowly Storm turned her gaze to me. “Well Rogue?” she murmured, her voice thundering with frustration. “Tell me what they’re talking about.”

I looked at Logan, who still refused to return my gaze. I never thought that something so simple could hurt so much. But I knew why he was doing it. He had realized that if I had Jean in my mind, she wasn’t gone. Not completely. I took in the way he was standing there, broken, but his body positioning somehow still on the defence mode. The wall he put up to keep his true feelings out, was in place.

I took a deep breath. “That night at Alcatraz... I had decided not to take the cure.” I kept my gaze on the floor, worried that what I said might break me into the sorry bundle of tears that I really was. “I planned on running away,” Logan’s head snapped up. “and I was in a bar when I saw what was happening on the news.”

I remember it all too clearly. The sight of so many mutants being punished for something they couldn’t control; for fighting for their share of the world. “I crossed the golden gate bridge and when I saw what was happening... to Jean, I didn’t know what to do.” My teeth clenched. “Logan helped me get to her.” Storm was staring at me in absolute shock. “And when I did. I killed her.”

“Gambit, you knew about this?” Storm hissed angrily, and I shrunk backwards a little.
He glared at her. “Chere never told me.” He admitted. “If you had paid enough attention to dah girl, you would have seen what I saw.”

Storm took a deep breath before turning to me once more, her face softened a little. “Rogue, you knew we needed a telepath.” She murmured. “Why would you keep this from us for so long?” I kept my head down, and tried not to think, not to breathe.

“I was scared.” I whispered slowly. I felt the tears welling up in my eyes as I admitted the truth. “I don’t know how to control it.” I realized that my arms were wrapped around myself as I forced myself to continue. “Jean had more control than I did, and she had the professor.” I squeezed my eyes closed for a moment and tried to say more, but the words stopped flowing.

“Dere’s no wonder why she didn’t tell you.” Remy spoke up, his voice coloured with recent frustration. “She could lose control. Remy don’t want what happen to Jean to happen to Rogue.”

At that I heard Logan growl something along the lines of “Enough Cajun.” And stormed out, not saying anything else, but simply slamming the door behind him.

I opened the door to hurry after him, desperate to explain myself. I wanted to tell him I was sorry... for everything. “Logan,” I gasped out after him. But he ignored me and continued. Just before he rounded the corner at the end of the hall, I saw his claws come out.

LOGAN

The things I fear most tend to haunt me. Losing the people I love most is a reoccurring factor. But there is a difference between being helpless to help those you love, and being the one who put them in danger in the first place. Jean, had been an old soul, and we both had our share of demons; that was why we had clicked so easily, like magic. But my fear of losing her had driven me to put the girl I had sworn to protect in the same danger as the one I could not help. Once again; I was helpless.

But the girl was different from the one I had picked up in Canada that day.

This one had built walls, to keep everything out. Walls, to make sure that she couldn’t be hurt again. But I had done this to her. My own selfish demands to not put myself through pain again, I had put Rogue through so much more than an eighteen year old girl should have to go through. But, she takes on personality traits of those she absorbs. That was why she had sat around with me a while drinking beer and watching sports after I saved her from Magneto’s machine.

That would have to mean that Jean was in there somewhere, and perhaps the part of her that wanted to break free, was the part that went to bed with me on the night of Rogue’s birthday. It’s possible, that Rogue never wanted me in the first place.

Anger and frustration was building in me. I wanted to hit something. This was why I had got into cage fighting. It let me tire myself out on people who wanted to fight as much as I did. But instead I was sitting in the danger room, the only place I could actually think. It wasn’t on. I just sat there, staring at the wall waiting for answers to emerge across the steel. Only a few lights were on, spread around the warehouse sized room. I had a beer in one hand, three empties were beside me as I twisted the lid off to this one. If Jean was in there, I may never have even wanted Rogue.

This was all my fault.

Just then I heard the door open, two people walked in. I took a deep breath. The scent of cigarettes, leather, pine needles and sickly cinnamon was first, meaning the Cajun was coming. I took a swig of my beer and inhaled again. It was a gentle mixture of peach shampoo, freshly washed clothing, lilacs, and her favourite vanilla lotion. Rogue. She was wearing her favourite pair of jeans and a black tank top, but I could see the bandaging of her stomach underneath. I took a look at her desperate face as she pleaded to Remy to stop, and damn well knew that I wanted her.

I sighed and chugged the rest of my beer.

*

ROGUE

“Please Remy,” I cried. “Please don’t do this.”
Gambit ignored me, fully armoured and holding his staff in one hand. I stood close and we watched Logan sitting there, finish the rest of his beer and get up.

“You gonna hide behind the girl or are you gonna throw down like you’ve got a pair?” Logan growled throwing his empty bottle to the side where it broke.

Gambit grinned darkly, and gently pushed me backwards to stay out of the way. “I’ll dance with you little man.” He taunted easily walking in the other direction to keep the fight as far away from me as he could. “But if you’re bringing dem knives...” he held up his staff “I’m gonna have to even up de score.”

Remy ran and launched himself at him, through the air and kicking Logan in the face. Logan flew backwards across the floor, his white wife beater with a new pattern of blood on it. I had screamed, without realized it and watched as Logan got to his feet and cracked his neck before he walked menacingly towards Gambit.

“Take your best shot bub.” Logan snarled angrily. “We’ll see who’re left standing.” He launched his fist across Gambit’s face and then into his stomach.

Gambit slid across the floor but quickly pushed himself back onto his feet in a defensive stance and watched Logan’s claws come out. “You come at me with them claws,” he threatened “I’ll light the rest of your shiny skeleton up like a Mardi Gras float.”

Furious laughter emerged from Logan now as he let his claws shoot back into his fists. “Claws?” He chuckled darkly. “Bub I don’t need fists to beat you.”

With that he grabbed Remy’s shirt and slammed his forehead against his, leaving Gambit disoriented, collapsing on the floor, but clearly still trying to get back up. “Logan no!” I gasped out desperately.

I saw the animal in Logan’s eyes, and knew that he was lost the in fury. “Run for it darlin,” he growled. “You don’t want to see what comes next.”

“Please don’t do this Logan.” I whimpered brokenly.

I saw him peer down at Remy’s face, only a few gashes across it, but now Gambit had gotten a hold of himself as he stared up at the Wolverine. Logan, who may have lost himself in the animal. “Go on den mon ami.” Gambit ushered him on. “Do it.” Logan let go of the collar of his shirt, and he fell uselessly to the floor. “Too afraid to kill me ah Wolverine?”

Logan paused, not looking at me or Remy, but his gaze trapped on the floor. “What I am Cajun, is too smart for it.” His fists clenched and unclenched. “There’s still a part of me left, which can say no.” He looked up at me, and for the first time I saw the sadness in his eyes, rather than anger or annoyance. His gaze never left mine as he spoke. “I haven’t given in. Not now. Not yet.”

He started to walk away, and I thought I’d burst into tears right then, but I saw Gambit out of the corner of my eye, getting up and charging a card. I opened my mouth to scream at him to stop, but it was already flying through the air towards Logan.

He dodged it to my surprise, easily, like he saw it coming even though he was facing away. “LACHE!” Gambit yelled at him. “COWARD!”

Logan turned around to look at him for the first time since the fight. “Don’t push your luck boy.” He muttered. “Next time you try tossin psyche charged knives at me... You better be prepared to back it up with a lot more than grin.”

Gambit glared at him angrily. “Be a sure bet homme.”

Logan almost smiled, before his gaze flickered to mine and then away. “Nothing’s a sure bet boy.” He walked to the door. “You’ll learn that someday.”

Sitting in my bedroom I stared at the wall trying to think of why it was happening, and why I felt nothing but anger in response. Remy had admitted that he had feelings for me, they hadn’t faded since the summer when we dated. He tried to convince me to stay away from Logan a while. He claimed that all that ‘dah wolverine’ wanted with me was sex.

“He don’ love you like Remy do, chere.” He murmured, his dark ruby eyes staring into mine as we sat outside in the gazebo.
“I know that.” I murmured slowly in response. “We’re just friends.”
“We both know very well dat Wolvie want more, no?” His voice was almost amused at my ignorance.

“No we don’t.” I muttered immediately. I paused thinking it through. “I don’t, anyways.”
“You jus’ take a couple drinks an’ if he provokes you,” he shook his head annoyed. “You do what he wants.”
I glared at him. “You’re wrong, if that was the case we would have done something sooner than my birthday.” I told him sternly.

Remy shrugged. “Now may happen more often, no?” He rolled his eyes “You wouldn’t cave if I said what he says to you. Wolvie has something you like.”
“Fuck off Remy,” I growled angrily. “You have no idea what I like.”

He stood up and leaned into me, but I pulled away from his lips this time. I watched him, as he smiled and put his hands on both sides of my face. “I know what you like chere.”

*

I had been putting off getting my bandages rewrapped for a long time. I knew why as she pulled the ones wrapped around my torso off, and I looked at the damage in a mirror. It was a cut right across my stomach, and there was going to be a scar. It was too deep to not leave one. I took a deep breath and started rewrapping myself up. I was standing there in the med-bay in just a bra and jeans when Logan walked in.

He sat down looking at me at first, before he muttered a sorry and shifted his gaze to the ground. I would have rolled my eyes, and what I said was meant to come out as a joke but it somehow sounded sad. “It’s nothing you haven’t seen before.”

He looked at me again, in the eyes. I felt my fingers numbing from being cold as I finished wrapping the gauze around myself and finally turned to him. He got up, his gaze not leaving mine was he walked closer to me, and I felt his fingertips trace lightly along my new bandage. He looked down at it, and I could see in his eyes exactly what he was thinking.

Like he had failed in protecting me.

I caught his hands in mine, and he opened and closed his eyes slowly before pulling me into his arms gently. His faded pale red shirt was soft, as I leaned my face against his chest and sighed. He spoke for the first time.

“I’m sorry.” He murmured gruffly. His voice not harsh but still using that strong Logan tone of his. He took in a deep breath. “I’m so sorry.” This time when he spoke it sounded very different. It was broken, and disheartening to think that three words could be filled with so much pain, sympathy and hope at the same time.

I pulled back, only to look at him, but after he looked me in the eyes he glanced down, unable to hold my gaze. This was not the Logan I knew. This Logan was regretful.

He walked over to the chair nearby and picked up my shirt, handing it to me. I had a brief moment of Déjà Vu to when he had handed me my shirt that morning in his bedroom. But he was so different now. This Logan wasn’t beaming with the overconfidence of having slept with his best friend, and amusement of her embarrassment.

This Logan was crushed and desolate. Pained by seeing harm come to me, and grieved by seeing something he believed he could have stopped, even when he couldn’t have. He didn’t look at me as he walked over to the nearby bed, and sat down. “I want you to take my power.” He folded his hands together, clenched tightly, before he looked at me. “I want you to heal.” I shook my head as I walked to his side, but he gave me a look that made me keep objections to myself. “Please Marie.”

I took a deep breath and held out my hand to him, trying to focus on only taking his power. He shook his head at me carefully and the corner of his lips only slightly pulled up. He was having difficulty smiling. He took my hand and pulled me to my feet, before leaning in to trace my lips with his.

It wasn’t hard to lose control when he was kissing me, holding me close in his arms. Without realizing it, my arms wound their way around his neck, pulling him closer, intertwining my fingers into his hair. I felt him moan against my lips, and I inhaled the scent of cigars, engine oil and pure arousal. It was that moment when the pull started to drain him.

His lips did not grow still as I had expected. He was fighting it, with everything he had, mashing his lips against mine savouring every moment. Finally I pulled away from him, and he collapsed on the bed. It hurt me so much that I knew it meant far more to me than it ever could to him. He only wanted me because of Jean.

And I loved him. I knew I loved him. But love is supposed to feel good, this is so far beyond agony I cannot begin to explain. A sob escaped me as I backed away from his unconscious body laying on the bed, and I tried to make my ragged breaths stop but they wouldn’t.

The pain might be worth it, it reminds me he was there.

I wrapped my arms around myself, and began to tear off the bandages angrily. The scar was gone, but there was a deeper one within me that could not be erased by Logan’s kiss. I fell into the chair behind me, pulling my knees against my chest. My gaze quickly shifted to where I saw movement at the doorway, where Remy was standing.

“Just friends chere?” He shook his head, and walked away.
That was when the tears wouldn’t stop.

The clock brings no good news when you’re waiting for time to pass. So by the time that Logan woke up, I had already left. After convincing four nurses and two doctors to check on him, they all assured me the same thing. He’d be fine. And they’re right. Logan is always fine. He heals. But it still amazes me what advanced durability cannot cure, mend or repair. I was like Logan now. I was fine, on the outside.

Sitting in the kitchen, drinking a beer I glanced out the window when I saw Remy walk in. I didn’t want to listen to him right now. I didn’t want to hear him tell me what was wrong with Logan and what was right about him. So when he sat down with his black coffee in front of me, I kept my gaze sternly away from his.

“Don’ be like dat chere,” he murmured slowly, before taking a glance out the window himself. I kept my mouth shut as he continued. “I tell you before, I know de truth ‘bout you an wolvie.” He took a sip of his coffee, and I could imagine how it tasted. Course and bitter. “You don’ give me de credit of observance. An’ I see de way you act.”

I made the mistake of letting my gaze flicker to his for a brief moment, and I scanned his face. His eyes were sad despite the appearance of being strong. The skin against his cheekbones was slightly bruised, and a few cuts were noticeable around his face. Logan had no evidence of the fight, Remy however had to wear it.

I took a deep breath. “You want me to admit it?” I said slowly.

The corners of his lips lifted only slightly, like that would please him. But I knew what was really going on. The truth would hurt him far more than my denial. But Remy wants to know even the worst information. “To yourself first.” He clarified. “I don’ need to say I told you so.”

“How would that help anything?” I demanded, feeling Logan’s anger course through my words. I couldn’t help it.

I heard him exhale and he leaned into me, setting his elbows on the table and shifting his gaze away from mine. He stayed like that for a long while before looking up at me again. His black eyes with red tint flickered darkly but he reached out to take my hand. Out of reflex, I wanted to pull away, but somehow our hands were intertwined before I could.

“When you love someone chere,” He began slowly, taking his time with his words and trying to keep a steady voice. “You want dem to be happy,” I tried to pull my hand away from his, but he held it tighter, and forced me to look directly into his eyes as he spoke. “No matter what de cost.”

My stare fell to the table as I tried to keep my voice stern. “Will you be okay?” I asked finally.
He snorted, squeezing my hand for just a moment before letting them go. “Remy be jus’ fine chere.” He assured me easily, though I wasn’t convinced. He smiled at me, that rough smile of a thief. “Nothin’ a kiss couldn’t fix no?” I rolled my eyes at him and stood up, before leaning in and kissing him gently on the forehead.

“Thanks Cajun.” I murmured into his hair before I grabbed my beer and started to walk out the door. At the entrance I leaned against the doorframe and I was vaguely aware that this was something Logan would do. I chugged my beer. “You’re right. I love him.” I tossed my empty at him and he caught it easily. “Recycle that, would you?”

*

{Don’t do it.} Logan’s voice growled at me as I looked around the mansions garage at the collection of motorcycles he had here. This one was a pretty nice Harley. In the back of my mind he was explain all the mumbo jumbo about it. He kept going on about the four-cycle gasoline engine and the number of cylinders, the piston displacement and on and on. He was saying something about the air cooled engine when I interrupted him.

“Yeah.” I muttered “But is it fast?”
I heard him growl, and grabbed the keys.

I wandered into a bar a fair distance away, taking my time as I walked in. The sound of people cheering a yelling at the fighters in a cage reminded me of something. I slowly, approached the cage, just in time to see a fighter get knocked down. Granted it wasn’t my favourite fighter who had put him there.

I listened to the announcer, trying to rile up the crowd enough to make someone volunteer. I looked around, everyone remained silence. I glanced at the fighter in the cage. He was tall, muscular, wearing a tight black t-shirt and cargo pants. He had a couple bruises on his face but nothing serious. I clenched my teeth against the words rising up my throat. No, I wouldn’t do this. Would I?

I pulled my hair into a pony tail, letting my white bangs fall out. The announcer was yelling now. Finally I yelled. “I’ll fight him.” The crowd fell soft except for a series of mumbles and quiet objections. I walked around to the entrance of the cage, with everyone watching me.

The guy in the cage laughed. “I can’t fight a girl man,” He chuckled.
“Don’t worry sugah,” I told him as I pulled off my jacket. “I’ll be easy on you.” I glanced down to make sure my bandage wasn’t showing before I remembered it was gone. I glanced over to the announcer who was staring at me dumbfounded.

“Come on, isn’t there some rule against this?” He muttered to the announcer.
He shook his head slowly. “It’s up to both fighter’s discretion Todd.”
I glanced over at ‘Todd’ and smiled, as girly as I could. “I’m just here for a little fun.”

He grinned at me. “Don’t be afraid to tap out kid.”
My heart clenched, and I knew the danger that flushed through my face. “Don’t call me that.”

He raised his fists in a defensive position, a gesture for me to take the first shot. I snickered to myself, as I let Logan take over.

LOGAN

I had followed her scent through the mansion before it led to the garage. I don’t know what I expected to find there. Perhaps her, sitting there as upset as she had been looking before, trying to make herself feel better. I knew her usual routine. She’d find a quiet place and listen to sad songs when she was upset. She was the type that pretended she wanted to be alone, out of a desperate need to make the vulnerable side of her go away. She was afraid of needing anyone.

Instead her scent lingered in the garage, but she was gone, and so was my favourite Harley. I realized in that moment, that she hadn’t done what she usually did when she was upset because of me. She was out doing what I’d do when I’m angry.

“Shit.” I muttered under my breath as I grabbed the keys to my truck. She was going to be riding back with me. Stupid, reckless, idiotic girl.

I had rushed into the bar I saw my Harley parked outside of. Rushed because I was worried. Rushed because I was certain that damn girl was getting into a shitload of trouble in my part of town. When I walked in to the too loud room that smelled like beer and sweat I was prepared to beat the shit out of someone if they had touched her.

Inside the cage was some guy, and across the ring from him was Rogue. She had done a number on his face. The look in her eyes was that dark look of determination. Her hair tied back in that adorably messy way she does when she’s not looking in a mirror. She was wearing her dark blue jeans that had been cuffed up to just below her knees, and a black v-neck t-shirt.

I realized with a moment of sudden shock that this was the way we had met. But the tables had been turned. I suppose a lot can change. I had been close to running up and getting between the two when I saw him raise his fist to her. But she had dodged under his arm, elbowed his stomach and then spun around and punched him in the face. Just like that, he was down.

I went and got a drink.

*

ROGUE

I was sitting at the bar and had just chugged a beer when some guy walked up behind me. I could smell the liquor on his breath as he spoke. “That there was some good fighting girly.” I turned around to look at him on my bar stool with my beer. “Where’d a girl like you learn to fight like that?”

“A friend of mine.” I answered him as I met his gaze for the first time. He was rough looking, scruff on his face from not shaving and he was wearing a T-shirt that was dirty from a day of construction work. I couldn’t tell what colour it was supposed to be.
He sat down next to me and I avoided looking him in the eyes. I didn’t like the way he was looking at me. A dark sense of pleasure lurked in his eyes as he looked me up and down. “I like strong girls.” He murmured under his breath. “I’m Jack.”

I nodded slightly and ordered another beer when the bartender came around. The guy next to me said “Make that two, hers is on me.”

I shook my head. “No hers is on her.” I interrupted.
“What, you think you’re too good for me?” He teased, but I could hear the danger in his voice.

“No, not at all.” I called the bartender. “Never mind about that beer.”
Jack raised an eyebrow as he pushed a bill across the bar and followed me as I walked out the door. I turned around as soon as I was outside to confront him out of annoyance but he was closer than I thought. He was standing there just a few inches from my face. “Come on girly, have a little fun.”

“Just leave me alone.” I growled. “Before I make you.”
“Using those moves your friend taught you?” He laughed, amused and his eyes stared into mine as he reached around for something that had been tucked into the back of his pants. When his hand returned, he had a gun. He showed it to me, his voice now calm as though he had the upper hand. I kept my eyes on it, as he spoke. “Now let me tell you how this is going to go.”

He had started to walk towards me, but suddenly out of nowhere something hit him. I heard the familiar sound of a metal cling and before I knew it he was being held against the wall. Jack’s face was between Logan’s outer two claws, and slowly the third claw emerged. “No I’ll tell you how it’s gonna go bub.” He snarled, his voice a tone I’d never heard.

Jack’s voice was shaky. “Who the hell are you?!” He sputtered anxiously.
Logan’s claws shot back into his fist as a gruff noise sounded from his chest. “I’m the friend.” Then he punched him in the face with an adamantium fist.

He let go of Jack’s body as it sagged to the floor and he slowly turned around. I glared at him fiercely. “I could have handled that Logan.” I muttered angrily.

“I know.” He admitted, his voice slightly calmer now. “But I wanted to hit at least one fuck who tried to hurt you.”

I felt my face flush and I folded my arms across my chest glancing down. “Thanks.” I murmured. “Asshole.” I thought to myself. The wolverine in my head chuckled loudly.

He gestured to his truck, where I noticed the bike had already been put in the back of. I sighed and walked around to the passenger side and got in. As he pulled out of the lot I saw him smile. “What?” I demanded. Logan shrugged before the wolverine in my head laughed. {Drunk enough to fuck again?} I felt a glare shift across my face.

I don’t need to be drunk to sleep with Logan.
{You just need to be able to blame it on the booze. Worried about getting hurt bub?}

My teeth clenched and a felt the anger and frustration fly through me.

“Shut up.” I hissed angrily.
“What?” Logan said surprised.
“Oh!” I gasped. “Sorry. Talking to... myself.”

The wolverine in my head howled with laughter.

Logan rolled his eyes and pulled over. For the first time I realized we were on a completely quiet road and it was dark out. Not a soul in sight. He glanced over at me, his gaze hard. “Look, we’ve got to talk.”

I stayed silent. It was the safest thing to do.
“I’m sorry to say this,” he murmured slowly. “But I... regret what happened that night on your birthday.” Pain shot through me like a bullet. I nodded slowly. Now I wanted to go home. Desperately. He glanced away a moment, before looking back at me. “I should have had more self control.”

I glanced out the window and sucked in a deep breath as I looked at the pitch black night sky. “I know.” I whispered.

He sighed. “I’m sorry. You should have known this a long time ago.”
“You want to stay friends.” I murmured, surprised my voice was so calm. “It’s okay. I get it.”

He was silent a moment. “... What?” I glanced up at him, and I practically saw the light bulb go off in his head. He smiled and shook his head to himself, before he slowly, adjusted his seat and leaned over to take my face in his hands and kiss me.

It was a different kind of kiss. It was the kind of kiss that felt like there was no boundaries. He smiled against my lips and he pulled back, chuckled, still holding my face in his hands. He stared into my eyes. “I want to stay friends.” He murmured amused. “But I don’t want to stay... just... friends.” He laughed and kissed me again.

I stared at him dumbfounded, my heart beating a thousand times a second. “I'm in love with you.” He whispered to me gently. He took my hand. "I love you."

I opened my mouth, my words not coming out as I stared into those smouldering eyes of his.

And I smiled. That natural smile. A unstoppable smile that spreads across your face with no reason. It was the kind of smile that only he could make me do.

“I love you more.”
And he kissed me again.

I was in his arms, like I’d always imagined it. Just sitting there watching a movie. His arms were wrapped around my waist, and mine overtop of his as we sat there watching the daily news. In the daily news they were still fighting for a mutant registration act, and there was a new debate over whether or not mutants should be allowed to participate in the Olympics.

There was also a story about some teens who had broken into a school, a few car crashes and a weather report. Ororo always snickered at the inaccuracy.

But of course, the mutants surrounding us were not watching the news, they were watching us. We ignored them. I let my head turn slightly so that I could look at Logan who smiled at me, a content smile of amusement.

“So chere,” I heard Remy begin, along with Logan’s light growl. “You two dating now.”
I opened my mouth to speak but Logan interrupted. “I’d like to think it’s a bit more serious.”

Gambit’s expression shifted into a glare as we all heard a young mutant who couldn’t have been more than fourteen shout “FINALLY!”

I couldn’t help but giggle, just like everyone else. I took Logan’s hand and got to my feet, pulling him up as well. We were about to walk out of there when we realized that everyone was staring at us still.

Logan pressed his nose into my hair, whispering something into my ear. “Looks like they’re waiting for something.”

I felt him spin me around, and he leaned into me, tracing his lips gently against mine before letting it become deeper. As we parted, we ignored everyone’s quiet chatter of “aweee” and walked away.

“Let’s go get drunk.” He suggested casually, his voice excited.
I elbowed him in the stomach. “Logan!”

He held up his hands in surrender. He flashed that unbelievably charming grin to me. “Come on. It can lead to good things too. We’re living proof.”