"Drop her name
Push it in and twist the knife again
Watch my face
As I pretend to feel no pain"
Heartbreak Warfare - John Mayer

He came to me the night she died. That's what he always did. When he was upset and needed someone to talk to without that person judging him. He came to me. Like the day Scott and Jean celebrated their two-year anniversary. Like that night.

When Jean confided in a newly engaged Ororo and told her that she and Scott had been trying to conceive. He sat on the other side of the room but I could see him stiffen when Jean whispered that sentence. With his excellent hearing, she could have been sitting next to him.

No one noticed the change in his behaviour. Except me. No one noticed that he spent the rest of the meal twirling his foot around his plate. Except me. No one saw him clenching his jaw when Scott kissed his wife and pulled her upstairs. Except me. And no one saw him mount his claimed bike and take off. Except me. I could see the front lights of his bike as he followed me out of the Mansion. He was a considerable distance behind me. Enough for me not to notice him. But I did.

He didn't came straight to me. From all the liquor I could smell of him, he had probably paid a few visits to some bars. That was his ritual. Get drunk and talk. He would start drinking somewhere else and then finish off at my place. And talk. Talk about how stupid she was trying to get a child with Scooter. Talk about how Scott probably wasn't able to conceive because of the stick rammed up his butt. Talk about all the reasons she should dump Scott and take him. And I listened.

He never asked for confirmation or advice and I never gave him that. He didn't needed it. He just needed someone he could talk to. And that person was me.

But that night was different.

Different from the night he came to after Scott and Jean finally had their fairytale wedding. Different from the night he came to me after Scott and Jean had a party to celebrate their two-year anniversary. Different from any other night he came to me.

When I took him to my bed so he could sleep his liquor off, he didn't just fall asleep. That night, he touched me.

He buried his face in my neck after I had finally managed to drag him to my bedroom. I always let him take the bed. I slept on the couch on the nights he came. Before I knew what happened, he had his arms around me and his face buried in my neck. When I tried to put my arms around his waist, he growled. I dropped my arms and stared over his shoulder at the lights outside my window. Suddenly I was on the bed, looking at the ceiling. He stood at the food of my bed and stared at me. I shifted my gaze from the ceiling and looked at him. He growled and I averted my eyes back to the ceiling. He moved onto my bed and began pulling at my shirt. I tried to seek his eyes but he just growled at me and I went back to staring at the ceiling once again. He cupped my braless breast through my shirt with one hand while the other had started to pull my sweats down. I peeked at his face. His eyes were closed and I knew he tried to picture my skin a little less pale, my breasts a little bit fuller and my legs a little bit longer. That was the point I stopped trying to look at him. I didn't look at him when he pushed him inside me. I didn't look at him when he started moving. I didn't look at him when he climaxed deep inside me. I didn't look at him when he said her name when he came.

After he was finished, he rolled of me and fell asleep with his back towards me. I kept staring at the ceiling until I heard him softly snoring. I stood up and walked into the adjoining bathroom. With a wet washcloth, I removed the fluids between my thighs, never noticing the red that smeared the towel. I pulled on some fresh sweats and a different shirt and went to the living room to sleep on my couch. I never went to sleep.

I was still awake when I heard Logan getting up in the morning. I was still awake when he took a shower. I was still awake when he gathered his things and left. He knew I was awake. I knew he knew.

The next morning I got a call from Ororo. Scott was dead. I knew Logan wouldn't be coming that night. I also knew who would be coming to him that night.

The next time I saw Logan was at Scott's funeral. Jean sat in the front, openly crying. Supported by Ororo and Hank. Logan stood in the back, keeping his distance. But after the funeral, he was the first at Jean's side. Taking over from Hank and Ororo, Logan held Jean in his arms while she cried on his shirt. His eyes briefly catched mine as I walked past them. And then he looked away, murmuring soothing words in Jean's ear. I didn't know if he was too busy with Jean to greet me or if he simply was too ashamed.

After that day, he didn't came anymore.

I visited the Mansion regularly even though I didn't live there any more. I did see Logan. And Jean. Never together but never far apart either. And though they never said anything, I knew Jean wasn't sleeping alone at night. As did everybody else. No one saw but everybody knew.

The night she died was the first time he talked to me since the other night. No one told me what happened but I knew the minute I opened the door and saw him standing there. He never greeted me but simply walked past me and sat at my kitchen table. I closed the door, took out the alcohol, poured both of us a drink and waited. Waited for him to start talking. And he did. He told me everything about her. How she smelled, how sweet the valley between her breasts tasted, how she ticklish she was behind her ear. Everything. And I listened. And wondered how he could have spent four months not talking to me. But I knew the answer. He had someone else to talk to.

He drank four of my finest bottles of booze before he collapsed. I helped him into my bed and pulled the cover over him. I cleaned up the kitchen. My glass was still full. It was only for pretence.

I took out the spare pillows and blanket I used whenever Logan was over and curled up on the couch. And while I tried to fall asleep, I wondered if he noticed four months had passed since that night. I wondered if he noticed I had cut my hair. I wondered if he had noticed the small swell of my belly. I wondered if he had noticed the heartbeat of our child.

I never went to sleep.

"We all begin with good intent
Love was raw and young
We believed that we could change ourselves
The past could be undone

But we carry on our backs the burden
Time always reveals
The lonely light of morning
The wound that would not heal
It's the bitter taste of losing everything
That I have held so dear"
Fallen - Sarah McLachlan

The next morning when I woke up, Logan was gone. He never stayed. I stood up and stretched. My shirt hitched up and revealed a little bit of my belly. I smoothed my shirt back in place and unconsciously let my hand linger a little longer on the place where our child grew.

I had never thought about the consequences of that night. When I started feeling sick, I thought I had the flu. When my breasts were feeling tender, I thought it was because I was about to have my period. But my period never came.

When I sat on the toilet seat, holding a pregnancy test and staring at the little plus, that’s when reality set in. I was pregnant. And there was no doubt in who the father was.

Abortion was not an option. Though the baby wasn’t conceived in a moment of love, I loved it from the moment I knew it was there.

I never told anyone at the Mansion. I knew what would happen. People would talk and in the end, Logan would find out. He finally had the woman he wanted and as much as I wanted him to know, I also wanted him to be happy. And I knew he was now. With her.

I threw up a lot in my first trimester. I lost weight. At work, they were concerned. I was 23, single and pregnant. I reassured them. Told them I would be fine. I told them not to worry. I didn’t. As long as I would have my baby, the world around me could burn and fall apart and I wouldn’t care. As long as I could hold my child in my arms.

I was a little worried about his mutation. Both his parents were mutants so there was no doubt, he would be a mutant too. My skin was my main concern. Even though I had learned control, I wasn’t sure what it could do to the baby. I hoped that with his father’s mutation, my poisonous skin would be suppressed by his healing. I didn’t wanted my child to suffer from his mutation the same way I had.

The reaction from the children was something that I would remember for the rest of my life. All the kids jumped on me, screaming that Miss Marie was going to be a mommy. I cried tears of happiness and could almost picture my three-year old running amongst them.

The phone interrupted my daydreams and I walked into the kitchen to answer. On my kitchen table was a steaming cup of tea and a plate with toast and jam. Today’s paper was lying next to it. Courtesy of Logan, no doubt. I raised an eyebrow. I wasn’t even aware Logan knew how a toaster worked. It was the first time he hadn’t left the apartment without erasing his tracks from the night before. He had even made me breakfast. Logan never made breakfast. As far as I knew.

I wondered if he knew. About the baby. About our baby. Would he want me to abort the baby? Would he ackowledge it as his? Would he hate me for letting me get pregnant in the first place?

The phone kept ringing persistently. I picked up and was greeted by the soft voice of Ororo, telling me what I already knew. Jean died last night. Sudden heart attack. She went upstairs to take a nap and never woke up.

Ororo also asked if I had seen Logan. Said he hadn’t come home since they discovered her body. Ororo knew Logan went to me if he was having a hard time. I told her he indeed came to me but already left. She didn’t tell me but I knew Logan didn’t went back to the Mansion after he left my apartment. I told Ororo I would call her later and started getting ready for work.

When I walked into my bedroom, I was met with another surprise. The bed was made. Even the comforter was on the bed. The curtains were open, letting the sun shine into the room.

I was seriously wondering if I was still asleep. This was not the Logan I knew. I looked around my apartment, nearly expecting George Michael to jump out of a closet and start singing in the middle of my room. But he didn't.

I took a quick shower and put on my clothes for work. Jeans, shirt, sweater and scarf. Even though I didn’t needed it. It was Friday and on Friday, we took the kids to the park. It was cold and with my current condition, I didn’t want to take the risk.

My bump was barely noticeable and I still fit into my old clothes. They were even a little loose. I rubbed my belly. Since I entered my second trimester, the morning sickness had disappeared. I could eat again without my lunch making a repeat performance in the toilet.

I got my keys and closed the door behind me. I never touched the breakfast he made me.

"Do you wanna know, how I feel about you
Do you wanna know,
Do you wanna know, if I'm able to forget
There are times, I wish we'd never met

I'm sorry, it's just too late
To get it all back, get back what we had
I'm sorry, it's just not right.
We both know it wasn't meant to be like
this at all"
Sorry - Lene Marlin

---

I walked to work this morning. I didn't feel like taking the car. I wanted to feel the wind in my hair and the sun on my face. Needed my mind to be clear.

When I walked into the class, my legs were immediately hugged by the children. I smiled down at them and ruffled their hair. No matter what I went through, they always managed to make me smile. The first thing that I did when I mastered my control was taking a job at the kindergarten nearby my apartment. I loved children. When my mutation surfaced, my greatest fear was that I would never be able to touch the soft skin of a child. My child.

Melanie and Kelly, my co-workers and friends, smiled from the other side of the classroom as the children surrounded me and led me to the comfortable couch in the back. I laughed. Since the children found out I was going to be a mommy, they wanted to listen to the baby every morning when I came in. It was our little morning ritual. Wendie even bought the kids a stethoscope so they could listen to the baby’s heartbeat.

“You lay down, Miss Marie and I will get the doctor,” Caroline announced. The oldest of the group at almost four years old. Very straightforward but also very kind and honest.

I lay down and Kristen gave me a pillow so I could get comfortable. I smiled when she timidly stretched out a little hand towards the small swell of my belly. She was fascinated by it. All the children were.

It got a little awkward when Shannon asked us very innocently where babies came from. Hannah and I looked at each other and blushed furiously. How do you explain this to a child without sounding like a pervert? Wendie saved us by telling Shannon her painting wasn’t finished yet and like the three-year-old she was, she immediately forgot her question. Wendie was the oldest of us five and already mother of two older kids. Whenever we had a question or needed advice, we usually turned to her.

Tammy, who was the doctor today, walked over to me. She was wearing a white jacket, which was too large for her and had a pair of fake glasses on her nose. She looked adorable and I saw Melanie quickly getting out her camera.

“Morning, Miss Marie!” Tammy greeted me cheerfully.
“Good morning, doctor,” I answered. They loved it when I played along and called them doctor. Tammy beamed.
“Let’s have a look at the baby,” Tammy lifted my shirt up and bared my belly. She softly patted my belly.
“Nurse, babylistener!” Tammy commanded.

Evelyn stepped forward and gave her the stethoscope. Tammy put the one earpiece in her ear and Summer put the other one in her ear so they were sharing the stethoscope. Moving very carefully, Tammy placed the end on my belly and listened. Within a few seconds, both the girls were beaming as they listened to the baby’s heartbeat.

I knew what the sound was like. The beating that was mostly in sync with my own. I bought a stethoscope of my own so I could listen to the baby before I went to sleep. That was my little ritual.

Tammy took the stethoscope off and proudly announced to the rest of the class that the baby said his name was Sammy and he only liked ice-cream. Hannah and Kelly burst out in laughter while I lay grinning on the couch.

Tammy was the joker of the class. She always made me laugh. I sat up and turned to Tammy.

“I think what the baby meant was that he would like to go to the playground. Who wants to go with us?” I asked the rest of the group.

All the kids cheered and twenty minutes later, we were on our way to the park. I was in the front, holding hands with Amara and Caroline who was telling me she knew every flower and to prove it, she started naming them.

I wasn’t aware of the tall, dark man that followed us.

---

After a long day of work, I was glad to be home. I pictured a nice warm bath and perhaps read a little. Go to bed early and sleep in the next day. Tomorrow was a Saturday anyway. It never happened.

I knew who was standing at my front door before I even opened it. And I was right. He barely looked up when I opened the door. His hands on his pockets, he kept staring at a point on the floor between my bare feet and his shoes. I took one look at him and walked into the kitchen, leaving the door open for him to close as he followed me. I knelt before the cupboard under the sink and was just deciding what alcohol I should give him when he suddenly spoke.

"Let's go out tonight."

Briefly, I wondered if I had heard correctly. He stood motionless in the doorframe, staring at the floor, avoiding my eyes.

"Where?"
"I don't know. Someplace nice. Grab a bite to eat. You in?"

He said it all to me without meeting my gaze. I sighed. He came to me tonight for comfort and I didn't want to let him down. On the other hand, I hadn't slept the night before and was really tired. But then again, I didn't have any

food in my fridge.

He was now looking at me. Not really at me. Someplace right beside my face. He didn't meet my eyes. I gave in.

"Sure."

His gaze flickered to me and then back to the floor.

"I'll drive."

That said, he walked out. I got my keys and followed him, closing the door behind me.

---

He took me to a little grill restaurant downtown. We didn't speak a word in the way there. I didn’t mind. I got to nap a little. The restaurant was nice. Not exactly Logan's kind of restaurant but nice anyway. We were seated near the window and I was able to gaze outside, watching cars pass us by. And then the waitress came to take our orders.

"Hiya Logan. I was wondering when you would show up again," she said in a chipper voice. Logan visibly shrinked a little.
"Hi, Debbie," he grunted. She seemed satisfied by that.
"What can I get you?" she continued in that same chipper voice. She was starting to give me a headache.
"Spareribs and fries," Logan ordered in a gruff voice. She didn't even flinch, I had to give her that.
"What about you, sweetcake?" Sweetcake? We haven't even been properly introduced and she's already giving me nicknames?
"I'll have the same," I answered, wanting to get her away as fast as possible.
"Give her extra fries." I stared at Logan. "You're too skinny. You need to eat."
I merely shrugged.
"Alrighty!" Alrighty? Oh Lord. "What about drinks? We have Ice Tea, Coke, Wine-"
"Beer. And a Coke for her," Logan quickly interrupted her.
"Great. Do you need anything else?" Yes. For you to leave.

Logan shaked his head and Debbie bobbed out of sight. And hearing. Thank God. I rubbed my temples, trying to ease my headache. Neither of us said anything. I watched the cars driving by and Logan stared at the menu, even though he already ordered.

"Saw you at the park today." I turned my gaze to Logan. "With the kids? This morning?"
So Hannah was right. He had been there.
"That was you?" He nodded. "Kelly thought you were some pervert spying on the kids."
"Nope. was me."

I nodded and silence fell over out table once again. And not the nice and quite silences but the uncomfortable silences that make you desperate to say something stupid. Like what colour underwear you're wearing. I was almost happy when the blonde waitress from earlier came with our orders. Until I heard her voice.

"Here you go. Spareribs with fries and some extra for you, honey," She said with a something that probably resembled a smile but it was more like she was just showing me her teeth. She gave us our drinks.
"Need anything else? Ketchup, mayo?"
"No mayo. Nothing," Logan said quickly.
"Alrighty! Enjoy your meal and if you need anything, don't hesitate to call me!" She showed her teeth again and walked away.

It wasn't until I had my plate in front of me that I realised how hungry I was. I ate everything, even the extra fries Logan ordered for me. Neither of us spoke during dinner. I didn't mind. I was too tired to care and still recovering from Blondie's voice. I was staring outside again, absentmindedly chewing on some left over fries when Logan stood up and announced, he was going to take a leak. I was still on my first drink but Logan already had five beers and counting.

The minute Logan was out of sight, Blondie popped up at our table.
"Did you enjoy your dinner?" Headache.
I smiled and carefully nodded.
"I'll take it Logan's gonna pay?"
I nodded again.
"I figured. He's such a great guy."

I wondered if Logan knew her. And with knowing her, I meant if his dick had been inside her pussy. I forgot her name again. I checked Blondie’s nametag. Debbie. Her name as fake as her boobs. And her hair. And probably her teeth as well.

"He used to come here all the time with his girlfriend. Such a sweet couple."
I froze. Debbie didn't notice and kept on babbling.
"He was such a gentlemen around her. Holding the door open for her, feeding her and always holding her hand.”

She kept on babbling but I blocked out her voice. Logan had taken Jean here. Regularly, according to Debbie. Her voice drifted away. She was more like background music now.

I should’ve known. I was willing to bet we were sitting at the same table they used to sit. That I sat in the same seat she used to sit. I could feel how this night was changing and I didn’t like the way it went. But I had no choice. I had to be there for Logan. Like I always had been. I felt older then I really was.

I noticed my background music had stopped and I knew the reason. Logan was back. Standing behind me chair, I could feel his eyes drilling small holes in my head. I didn’t look at him. I just kept staring out the window.

“I think someone’s calling for you, Debbie. You should go,” Logan nearly growled. I didn’t knew if she took the hint or not but at least she disappeared. I didn’t look at him when he sat back down. I just kept staring out the window.

“Marie?”
I threw a small smile in his direction, avoiding to look at him.
“Let’s just go home. I’m tired.”

Logan merely nodded and threw some bills on the table. I opened the door myself and walked to his truck. He followed. I climbed into his truck and turned my face to the window, too tired to stay awake for the short drive and not willing to start the awkward conversation that would surely come. He didn’t make any indications that he wanted to talk and I silently thanked him for that.

---

The drive back home was over before I knew it and soon we were standing inside my apartment. I took out two bottles of whiskey for him and put them on the kitchen table.

“I’m gonna change. Back in a sec. Help yourself.”

He hadn’t moved from his place in the doorway. I didn’t know if he heard me or not but decided with his hearing, he must have. He was staring at me but I ignored him. I took out the blankets and pillow I always used and laid them on the couch. I knew where I was sleeping tonight.

I walked into my bedroom and put on my comfortable grey sweats. I was about to put on my shirt when I suddenly felt him behind me. I could feel the heat radiating off his body, warming my bare back. His hands lay heavy on my shoulders and his face was pressed in my neck. He slid his hands down my arms and breathed in deeply. He twirled me around. His eyes were closed. I knew what to do. I closed mine.

His hand gripped the back of my head, holding me in place and the other hand cupped my lace-covered breast. His thumb flicked over my nipple. He pushed me softly on the bed and crawled on top of me. My arms lay by my side. I didn't move.

He pushed the straps of my bra off my shoulder, baring my breasts. His mouth moved from my neck to the swell of my left breast, leaving a slightly wet trail. My breasts were tender, my body preparing itself for the milk our baby would drink. But I didn't feel anything. When his tongue circled my nipple, I didn't push my chest into his face. I just lay still.

He had never been like this before. Not that I could compare or anything. I had only been fucked once. Because that's what it had been. Logan fucked me that night. He didn't make love to, he didn't have sex with me. We fucked. It wasn't about sweet whispers, gently caresses and candlelight. It was about needs. His need to be satiated. His need to be comforted in the only way he knew.

But somehow this was different from that night. Instead of getting right down to business, he took his time. Tasting my skin, playing with my breasts, sucking on my nipple. I should have been feeling good. Isn't this how it was supposed to be? But I didn't. My mind was blank. I didn't feel anything.

He must have noticed because his mouth left my breast. His shirt brushed my nipples as he moved over to me. I knew he was now right above me but I couldn't open my eyes. Knowing if I did, his fantasy would be destroyed when he saw brown eyes instead of green eyes. His breath was warm on my face, his body heavy on mine.

"Marie?"

He whispered. I shook my head. I didn't understand. This wasn't what he wanted. Why couldn't he just get it over with and roll over so I could sleep on my couch?

"Marie."

He whispered my name again. I slowly opened my eyes. I didn't look at him. Instead, I choose to look at his hairline. His hair was too long, I noticed. Some strands of his hair were nearly touching my face.

"Marie."

I lowered my eyes and met his gaze. He was frowning. Was I doing something wrong? I didn't understand. His hazel eyes bored into mine before he lowered his head and brushed his lips against mine. I froze. That was the moment I knew I had to get away. I raised my arms and tried to push him off me but Logan saw it as an act of passion and with a moan, he pried my lips open and pushed his tongue inside.

I bit his tongue. Hard. With a muffled curse, Logan pushed himself up on his arms.

"What the fuck?" My arms finally free, I used them to push him of me and he tumbled on the floor.

"Marie..."
"Get out."
"Marie, I-"
"Get out! NOW!"
“Just let me-”
“I don’t care what you have to say. I want you out of my room now! GO!”

Logan looked at me from his place on the ground. His face full of hurt and pain. I didn’t care. I just wanted him out of my room. If I could see myself, I would probably laugh. My breasts were bare, I didn’t feel the need to cover them up. Small bump peeking out from above the waistband of my sweats. Yelling at the gruff man sitting on the floor. But I didn’t laugh.

Slowly, he stood up and with a last look at me, closed the door of my bedroom behind me. I stormed into the bathroom and looked at the furious woman in the mirror that resembled me. I didn’t feel like crying. I was just angry. I took off my small amount of make-up and put on my shirt. I slipped into bed and pulled the covers over me. I didn’t know where Logan would sleep tonight. I knew he hadn’t been home since Jean died but I doubted he would return now. He was probably on his way to a bar right now. He could sleep on the floor of that bar, for all I cared. Those were my last thoughts before my dreams claimed me.

Logan slept on the couch that night.

"It was so like you to visit me
To let me know you were ok
It was so like you to visit me
You always worried about someone else"
Signs - Bloc Party

---

I went to the Mansion the next morning. Ororo called. Today was Jean's funeral. I may not have liked Jean Grey but I felt obligated to go. A bonus was that Logan probably wouldn't go. I didn't wanted to see him. Not after last night.

I was wrong. He did go.

---

His truck was parked in front of the Mansion. I parked mine next to it. His keys were still in the ignition. As I walked into the foyer, I was pleasantly suprised to see the resident doctor just coming out of the kitchen, dressed in a dark suit. Hank's face lightened up when he saw me.

"It's good to see you again, my dear Rogue. We've missed you," Hank said while he hugged me.
"I've missed you too," I said while she hugged Hank back, my small frame looking even smaller compared to the giant blue man. He curiously sniffed the air and I saw his eyes drop to my stomach. I gave a sad smile and apparently, he sensed I didn't wanted to talk about it because he didn't say anything. I quickly changed the subject.
"Were is everyone?" I asked Hank, looking around. It was considerably quiet for the Mansion, which was always filled with laughter and noise for as long as I could remember. Hank's smile faltered.
"Most of the students are getting ready for the funeral. The younger ones who have family are home for the weekend."
I nodded. Jean had been a teacher here. Her students probably wanted to pay their respect. Hank's cellphone ringed, the tones of AC/DC filling the foyer.
"I apologize, Rogue but I'm afraid I have to answer this call. Ororo is in her room if you want to see her," Hank said while getting out his cellphone.

I nodded and said a quick goodbye as Hank answered his phone. Giving Hank some privacy, I walked up the stairs, intending find Ororo. As I walked down the hall, I thought about the time I had lived here as a student.

I knew Kitty and Jubilee stayed, just like Bobby, St. John and Piotr. Jubes had told me Piotr and Kitty were getting serious, recently moving in together. I was happy for them. They might seem like an odd couple, the giant Russian with the petite brunette but I knew Piotr had a good heart and Kitty obviously held the key to it. Jubes was happily singly and St. John and Bobby were still dancing around each other.

I hadn't noticed that my feet had atomatically taken me to a room I had spent more time in then in my own room in the past.

Carefully, I opened the door. I didn't expected Logan to be there. He wasn't.

As I stepped into the room, I noticed it hadn't been just Logan's room anymore. Womanly little things were everywere. A romance novel on one of the nightstands, candles in the window, a perfume bottle on the desk. Jean's things, I realized.

The sheets were still crumpled, as If they had just gotten up this morning. I moved a little closer to the bed. The sheets helt the mixt scent of Jean and Logan and I suddenly felt sick to my stomach.

"He's downstairs in the Danger Room if you're looking for Logan," sounded a soft voice from behind me.

Ororo stood in the doorway, calm and serene as always. Her engagement sparkling in the sunlight. She gave me a motherly hug and I almost felt the urge to cry on her shoulder. Almost.

"How are you doing, Rogue? I mean really doing?" Ororo asked me with concerned eyes.
"I'm fine, Ro. Really," I tried to reassure her with my most convincing smile.
She didn't buy it, I could see that, but she didn't pressure me. Instead, she just looked around with a sigh.
"The Mansion is quiet without them."
I didn't know if she was talking about Scott and Jean or Logan and Jean. I didn't ask. I didn't want to know. Ororo walked over to the bed and stroked a hand over the sheets, smoothing it a little. She smiled sadly.
"They said she had a sudden heart attack but I know better. She died of the broken heart syndrom. She couldn't live without him."

I didn't say anything. If she was so in love with Scott, then why did she jumped in Logan's bed right after her husband died?

"Logan was a great support for her when he died. He changed for her. But in the end, it wasn't enough. He wasn't Scott and she knew it."

I wondered if Ororo had a second power she never told us about. Like telepathy. Ororo turned to look at me.

"I know what you're thinking but I don't think they had that kind of relationship. She was lonely and needed someone to hold onto. He was there."

I couldn't meet her eyes. I wanted to believe her. Wanted to believe Logan and Jean had been nothing more then just friends but part of me whispered that Ororo would never speak bad about the dead, especially if they had been their best friend. Ororo sensed my uneasiness and hugged me one last time before disappearing.

I soon followed the Weather Goddess, searching for the person who was currently occupying my thoughts.

When I got downstairs, I knew what to expect. He didn't disappoint. The Danger Room was on it's highest setting and from the Observation Room, I witnessed Logan tearing Sabretooth apart with a primal roar. His chest was bare, singlet long discarded. His sweat mingling with blood. His jeans were soaked with blood and he was barefoot.

Sabretooth's carcass lay at his feet before the robotic voice of the computer announced the completion of Level 10. Logan sank down on his knees. Worried, I leaned over to have a better look. Was he wounded? Did I have to get him to the sickbay?

It wasn't long before I realized he was crying. I hurried out of the Observation Room and headed for the Danger Room. No matter what may have happened the night before, he was my friend and right now, he needed me.

---

He was on his knees on the floor, broken and battered. Bruises and wounds healed but his scars visible to my eyes. His fists clenching and unclencing. The claws slipping in and out.

Carefully, I strode over to him. He did't respond, keeping his eyes firlmy shut. I reached out one hand, when he suddenly lunged for me. Firm arms clasped around my waist as he drew me closer, his head pressed into my stomach. His hair just stroking the underside of my breasts.

His shoulders heaving with sobs as I soothingly stroked his hair, murmering comforting words in a language only known to me. A white patch formed on my shirt where his tears met fabric.

I realised my mistake when I felt a small fluttering in my stomach, right where Logan's head rested. I froze and tried to pull away but Logan kept me firmly in place, his arms like a steel cage around me. His ear pressed against the place where our baby had moved. It was like the baby knew his parents where waiting for him to make a move because I felt another small flutter in my belly. It was very small but there was no doubt that with Logan's senses, he was able to feel it well enough.

He looked up at me. Arms still around my waist, refusing to let go. I stared down in shock. He changed. He was no longer the broken man I found in the Danger Room minutes ago. He was still crying but they were no longer tears of pain.The selfloathing and anger in his posture had vanished. I could clearly see the love and adoration in his eyes at the proof that our son was growing in my belly.

In a movie, we would have embraced and forgiven each other. We would have tored off their clothes and made love right there on the floor of the Danger Room, careful of the life growing between us. But this wasn't a movie. This was real life.

Not able to look Logan in the eyes, I turned around and fled.

"But it was not your fault but mine
and it was your heart on the line
I really fucked it up this time
didn't I, my dear?"
Little Lion Man - Mumford & Sons

---

Logan was nowhere near seen when the funeral started. I was glad. I couldn’t face him yet. Everyone else was there. Charles, looking older then I had ever seen him. Kitty, holding onto Piotr’s massive frame. Jubilee, hands folded neatly in her lap. Bobby and St. John, sitting next to each other. No physical contact but they were closer then ever. Ororo, holding Hank’s hand in hers, her ring reflecting the sunlight.

No clouds in the sky. The weather, and the Goddess that controlled it, ignoring that it was almost December. The sun shining on the two marble stones that stood side by side. Husband and Wife. Apart but now together.

Charles rolled his wheelchair in front of the crowd. Speaking of how great a student Jean had been, how kind a person she had been, how she would be greatly missed. I wringed my hands in my lap, my black jacket hiding my belly. The belly were the child grew of Jean Grey’s last lover and the kid Jean always told her I was.

I tried to focus her attention back on the man that took me into his home years ago. I was no longer a child but in the presence of all her former classmates and most of her teachers, I felt like one again. Like that time we raided the alcohol cabinet and got drunk on top of the roof. Or like that time we were caught putting condoms on bananas.

People were moving around me. The funeral was over. Kitty and Jubilee came over to me and took turns in hugging me. I leaned a bit backward so my belly wouldn’t pressed into them. I wasn’t ready for all the questions. Only two people knew and for now, I was planning on keeping it that way.

I recognized a couple of people as they passed me by. Little Artie, who wasn’t so little anymore. Jones, glasses replaced by contacts. Autumn, her once short hair now long and floating in the wind, her power to influence the seasons slightly showing. And many others.

I sat back on my chair for a few moments, collecting my thoughts. I needed to be alone for a while. Slowly, everybody disappeared inside. No one came to get me, leaving me alone in the now empty garden.

I should probably visit Hank, getting a check-up on the baby. On my son. I stroked my belly slightly. I hadn’t seen a doctor since I got pregnant but I had a feeling I was going to have a son. I dreamed about him. A little boy with hazel eyes and black hair. Energetic and cheerful. Happy.

I sighed and stood up. Giving Jean and Scott one last look, I turned around and stared straight into the hazel eyes of my son’s father. His face showing no emotion but his eyes betrayed his pain. Almost like he knew his father was there, I felt another flutter in my belly. His eyes immediately dropped to my stomach.

Little traitor. Whenever I was alone, the baby didn’t do anything. And now Logan was there, he decided to make his presence known.

“You should probably see Hank,” he said, not taking my eyes of my belly.

I nodded. Logan nodded as well, waiting for me to make a move. I stepped past him, not meeting his gaze and started to walk to the Mansion. When I dared to look around, he was gone. Typical.

---

I found Hank in the medlab. Shocker. I wouldn’t be surprised if Hank insisted on having his wedding down here so he could continue to work during when Ororo said her vow. I smiled. Hank had two great loves in his life, Ororo and science. I wasn’t sure which one he loved more.

Hank looked up from his project when he noticed my presence and smiled at me. He had shrugged his jacket off and was only in black trousers and white blouse which collared nicely with his blue fur.

“My dear Rogue, how are you doing?” he asked me, while motioning me to take a seat.
“I would like you to do some check-ups on the baby, if possible.”

His smile widened even more and he motioned me to follow him. He took me to one of the smaller rooms and informed me he was going to get his instruments. I sat down on the stretcher, my back to the door, and took off my jacket, revealing my white blouse. The stain of Logan’s tears had dried up.

I heard the door open en close behind me and turned around, expecting to see Hank. It was Logan. He hadn’t bothered with neat clothes. Wearing his usual jeans and flannel shirt, he stood in front of the door. Hands in his pockets, leaning at the door and staring at the ground.

He looked like he was about to say something when the door rattled behind his back. He stepped aside and let Hank in. If Hank was surprised to see Logan, he didn’t show it. He simply greeted him and Logan grunted something back. Hank pushed a cart with some medical equipment on it I vaguely recognized and sat down on a chair near me. He asked me to lie down and unbutton my shirt. Logan inched forward.

I unbuttoned my shirt, revealing the small bump and I saw Logan’s eyes widen slightly. Hank warned me the gel might be a little cold. I only flinched a little when the cold fluid hit my belly. Hank spread the gel, moved the handle over my stomach and a moment later, I was able to see my baby for the first time.

I felt the tears burn behind my eyes but I didn’t let them escape. I could see my baby. I could see my son. My baby had never been more real until I could actually see his little heart beating on the monitor.

Logan had moved to stand behind Hank and was now staring at the monitor. His eyes scanning the baby’s body on the monitor, memorizing the picture. Hank fumbled at the monitor and suddenly, the baby’s heartbeat filled the small room. A tear escaped and trailed down my cheek.

“Would you like to know the sex?” Hank asked, his voice down as if he was afraid to disturb the baby if he spoke too loud.
“Yes,” Logan whispered, his eyes never leaving the monitor.

Hank moved the handle a little and my baby’s imaged on the monitor changed. Hank leaned close to the monitor. He pointed at something on the monitor and smiled at me.

“Congratulations, it’s a boy.”

I just nodded. I couldn’t trust my voice. I had been right. A little boy. I was going to have a little boy. Logan swallowed hard and I could see tears shimmering in his eyes. Hank stood up and muttered something to Logan, who nodded, his eyes never leaving the monitor. Logan’s hand replaced Hank’s and Hank left the room, discretely closing the door, giving us some privacy. I never noticed. I followed the movements of my baby as he moved a little in my belly.

Logan took Hank’s place and together we watched our son on the screen. His hand keeping the handle in place, his arm resting lightly on my belly. We almost looked like any other couple. Except we weren’t. Logan’s slight movement alerted me that something was wrong. I ripped my gaze from our son and looked at him. His eyes full of pain and anger. His next question shocked me.

“Does your boyfriend know you’re pregnant?”

"As a new door opens
we close the ones behind
And if you search your soul
I know you'll find
You never really knew me"
Not Me, Not I - Delta Goodrem

---

"Does your boyfriend know you're pregnant?"

I blinked. And blinked again. Was he joking? His face was serious and his eyes demanded an explenation. No jokes here. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe him.

"I don't have a boyfriend."
"You mean, he left you when he found out you were pregnant?"
His eyes were blazing with fury now and his hands tightly gripped the handle resting over my belly, turning his knuckles white.
"I mean, I don't have a boyfriend. No one left me."
Logan looked even more upset.
"You got pregnant from a one-night-stand?!"
Logan nearly roared. He smashed the handle in his anger and the image of our baby on the monitor disappeared. I jumped of the stretcher, anger clouding my vision.
"No!"

I was now yelling too. The door behind us opened and Hank stood in the doorway. We didn't noticed him but just kept yelling at each other.

"Do you even know who the father is?"
"Yes, I do! And I didn't have a one-night-stand! There has only been one person who fucked me!"
"Who was it, Marie? I'm gonna gut him for doing this to you!"
"You did, Logan. You fucked me!"
His anger faded immediately and his face paled. His eyes searching my face for any sign of a lie.
"It can't be. That's impossible."
His voice a mere whisper now. I, on the other hand, kept screaming at him.
"It is possible. I'm carrying the living proof of it."
"You're lying, Marie. I never slept with you. I can't be the father."
I closed my eyes in frustration. How could he be so thickheaded?
"Yes, you are! You fucked me the night Scott Summers died. Remember him? Whose WIFE we just buried?"

Logan suddenly pulled me forward, bringing my body flush against his. My bare belly pressing against his flannel shirt, my breasts crushed against his chest. Logan had a deathgrip on my wrists and pulled my face close to his.

"Don't you dare talk about her like that," he hissed. His eyes were nearly black with anger.
"You came to me that night when Jean Grey-Summers wanted a child of her husband. You fucked me that night. And then he died and you didn't needed to pretend I was her because you had finally had the real thing! You replaced me."
What I said was true. He had replaced me. I was replacable. The anger in his face turned into by pain and hurt. His hands slid from my wrists to my face to cup my cheeks.
"I could never replace you, Marie."
I pulled my face away from his hands.
"But you did. You replaced me the minute Jean jumped into your bed."
Logan shook his head softly.
"Marie, It's not what you think."
"I don't care what you think. I know what happened. Jean chose Scott and you couldn't handle that so you came to me. And because you couldn't get what you really wanted, you took the second best thing you could get."
"You were never second best."
He tried to take my hands but I ripped them from his grip. I closed my eyes and sighed.
"Just leave, Logan. I don't wanna hear it. I don't care! Just go."

His face full of regret and his eyes a plea of understanding but I didn't care. I turned my back on him and with a tissue, I wiped the gel from my belly. I heard Logan's footsteps as he slowly retreated and walked out of the room. I pulled my shirt down, retrieved my jacket and walked to the door, where a still silent Hank stood. I paused as I walked by him.

"Thanks, Hank. And sorry about the machine."
Hank smiled carefully.
"The door is always open, Rogue."
I smiled a smile that didn't reach my eyes and walked away, leaving a stunned Hank behind to process the information he just received.

"Don’t tell that it’s over
Please I’m on my knees
I’m beggin you to stop"
Don't Tell Me That It's Over - Amy MacDonald

---

I spent the rest of the day in Jubilee's room. Partly because I wanted to chat up with her but mostly because I was hiding from a certain Canadian. I couldn't face him. He had just refused to accept our son as his. Kitty and Jubes were very understanding and made sure I didn't starve. I told them I was pregnant but I didn't tell Logan was the father. That was something between me and him. And Hank but Hank couldn't tell because of doctor-patient confidentiality. We were safe.

Dinner came closer and closer and I noticed how Jubes and Kitty started fidgeting. Clearly bored out of their mind but refusing to leave me out of sympathy. I practically shoved them out of the room and told them to go to dinner. Kitty brightened up when Piotr arrived to take her downstairs and Jubes vanished with the promise to bring me some food. I waved them goodbye and shut the door.

I was quite bored myself but the prospect of meeting Logan at dinner kept me in the room. I decided to take a long hot shower to clear my mind and come up with an escape plan that included avoiding Logan and changing the locks of my appartment. Not that it would help. He would probably slice through the locks but maybe he'd get the message.

In the bathroom, I stripped and put my neatly folded clothing on the counter. I looked in the mirror. I wasn't as thin as I was before. My breasts were fuller, my nipples nearly brown. My small bump protruding from between my hips. I rubbed my belly gently and smiled to myself. I would love our son enough for the both of us. I stepped in the shower and closed the curtain, which was Jubilee's favorite color. Yellow.

I stepped under the warm spray of the shower and turned to grab a shampoo bottle. There was none. I looked around and groaned. Jubilee kept her collection of shampoo bottles under the sink. I heard the door of the bathroom open. Jubes was back.

"Jubes, could you hand me one of your shampoo bottles?" I yelled at her. No comment but I heard her rummaging through her drawers and waited patiently. I couldn't see anything through the curtain. I heard her stepping closer to the cabin and I turned to her, waiting for the shampoo so I could start washin my hair.

"Here you go," said a voice that didn't belong to my yellow friend. A flannel encased arm held out the bottle of shampoo and attached to that arm, was the man I had been trying to avoid all day. For a moment, we just stared at each other. Then I ripped the showerhead from the wall and pointed it straight at Logan.

"Fuck!"

He cursed as the water hit him straight in the eyes. The shampoo bottle dropped to the floor of the cabin and slid to my feet. I kept the water pointed at Logan and within seconds, his front was completely drenched. I was hoping to scare him away with my action but it had the exact opposite effect.

He pushed the showercurtain aside and stept into the cabin. I screamed and dropped the showerhead. My arms quickly covering my breasts as I backed into the wall. Logan simply closed the curtain and bend to pick the showerhead up, his hair brushing my lower private parts. I tried to push myself even further away from him but my back was already completely against the wall. Logan bend over me and attached the showerhead back against the wall. Once he was finished, he didn't move from his position, making him towering over me.

We were both soaked now. His flannel shirt open, his jeans plastered to his legs en the white wifebeater underneath now transparent with water, making it possible for me to see his nipples through it. With reminded me to keep mine covered with what I had. Which wasn't much. He put his hands on either side of my head, effectively trapping me.

"I do remember that night, Marie," he said, hazel eyes boring into mine.
"Where's Jubes?"
"Around."
"You need to leave."
"We need to talk."
"No."

Logan sighed and took of his wet flannel shirt and wifebeater which he tossed on the floor outside the cabin. My eyes widened and I briefly wondered If he was going to take more clothes off. He bent down to retrieve the shampoo bottle that was lying at my feet. I crossed my legs in a vague attempt to keep my feminine parts from his view. Like the gentlemen I never thought he would be, he didn't even blinked. Instead, his eyes rested a little higher, on my belly that I couldn't hide.

"Lean over," he instructed.

I stubbornly refused. He put the bottle in an opening behind me and leaned over me to adjust the showerhead so the water was now only on my lower back. He squirted some shampoo in his hands and stepped closer to me. I had nowhere to go. i wanted to stop him but didn't wanted to flash him so I kept my hands in front of my breasts. I tried to freeze him with my glare only but he just kept coming closer until he was flush with my body. His hands went into my hair and started washing my hair. His hands gently massaged my scalp. I closed my eyes and a sigh of pleasure unknowingly escaped me.

"I do remember, you know," he whispered, his hands still in my hair.
"Hmmm?" My brain had stopped functioning and my hands had slipped from my breasts and settled on Logan's naked hips, just above the waistband of his jeans.
"That night. When I came to you. When our son was conceived."

I opened my eyes. Logan had just acknowledged that he was indeed the father. His eyes were on my hair, where his hands were still massaging my scalp. He didn't try to meet mine so I stared at his naked chest. His naked chest where his nipples were standing out from the cold. Fascinated, I lifted one of my hands and circled his nipple. His muscles contracted and he sucked in a deep breath. I immediately dropped my hand and put them back on my breasts.

Logan seemed to notice I was feeling uncomfortable and gently twirled me around. He took the showerhead and carefully started rinsing my hair. I closed my eyes to prevent soap from slipping into them. My back was crushed against his chest, our bodies in sync with our breathing. I could feel something pressing into my lower back and I was sure It wasn't his beltbuckle.

"I was ashamed. Ashamed of how I treated you. Ashamed of how I behaved. Ashamed of how I took advantage of you," Logan said, while his massaging hands slowly dropped from my hair to my shoulders. As he kneaded my shoulders, I involuntarily stepped even closer to him, if that was possible. I groaned as he worked away the knots in my back. His hands went to my front and cupped my breasts, making my nipples tighten. Surrendering myself to the pleasure he brought me, I used my hands to pull him flush against me, his growing erection pressed into my bottom. His hands slipped lower and rested on my belly where our son grew. He rubbed my stomach and the baby fluttered.

"I want to be a part of his life. But only if you want me too, Marie," his mouth by my ear, sending shivers down my spine. I crashed back to earth. Logan wanted to be a part of our son's life. I couldn't forgive him yet but how could I deny my son the right to know his father?

"So stay there
Because I'll be coming over
And we won't stop until it's over
Won't stop to surrender"
Sweet Disposition - The Temper Trap

---

I tried to turn around, my naked thighs brushing his denim covered erection. He groaned softly but wouldn’t let me face him. I realised he was scared. Scared of me turning him down. Scared to never really know his child. I leaned back against him, relishing in the feeling of his arms around me. I turned my face in his chest. I imagined this was what it felt like to be loved.

“Of course you can be a part of his life, Logan. You’re his father,” I whispered softly.

His hands tightened momentarily on my belly before he let out the breath he had been holding. He twirled me around and before I could protest, his mouth had descended on mine. This time I welcomed it. The kiss was gentle at first but quickly turned into passionate.

I inhaled sharply through my nose as Logan crushed my body against his, one hand on the back of my neck and one hand on my back. My hands acted as if they had a mind on their own and disappeared in his hair, holding his mouth against mine. His erection was insistently pressing into my belly and I gasped. Logan took the opportunity and with a groan, delved his tongue inside my mouth to tangle with mine.

In the back of my mind, I registered the soft rush of clothing and the wet splash his jeans made as they hit the bathroom floor. I sighed of pleasure when I felt the naked skin of Logan pressing against mine. I’ve never felt this much skin against mine since my mutation surfaced. I relished in the feeling of it and wrapped my arms around his neck as he attacked my neck with soft wet kisses. We were pressed into the shower wall, the warm water crashing over us, his hot erection throbbing between us.

Logan pulled back a little and I opened my eyes a little to stare at him from under my lashes. He was looking at me like a man looked at water after years in the desert, his eyes silently devouring my body. I flustered under his gaze and Logan smiled a lusty smile. His entire body was relaxed, a playful smile on his face. He looked years younger then he really was.

He was about to kiss me again when the door of the bathroom flew open. My yellow friend stormed in, completely oblivious of our situation in the shower.

“Get out before you turn into a prune, Roguey. I brought you some food and…”

Jubes stopped talking. My guess was that she had spotted Logan’s wet clothing just outside the shower. Logan and I looked at each other. I could see Logan was wishing Jubilee just left so we could continue our make-out session. The shower curtain was abruptly pushed aside and Jubes head popped into the shower to come eye to eye with Logan’s naked behind.

“Nice,” Jubes grinned and winked at me. I blushed and Logan positioned his body so mine was shielded from her gaze.
“Do you mind?” He growled at Jubes, who didn’t even blinked. Jubes shook her head and kept staring.
“Please, don’t stop on my account. It’s been long since I got laid so I don’t mind a little show,” she said with a mischievous smile.
“Jubes!” I protested.
“Fine.”

The shower curtain was pushed back in place and I heard Jubes retreat. Before the door had even closed, Logan’s mouth was on mine again. I slightly pushed him away from me. Logan gave and let my mouth go but didn’t release me from his hold.

“What’s wrong?” He whispered. I gave him, what I thought was a reassuring smile and laid my head on his chest. He wrapped his arms around me and rested his head on mine. Jubilee’s interruption had given me time to think. As much as I had enjoyed our shower session, and I wouldn’t mind a repeat performance, I didn’t wanted to rush into things. I wanted Logan in our son’s life but I wasn’t ready to welcome him back into mine yet. At least not completely. I needed time. And so I told him.

“I’m not ready. I need time,” I whispered against his chest. I could feel Logan nod slowly against my head. Anxious, I awaited his response.
“It’s okay. I understand,” Logan said into my hair.
“It’s not that I don’t want you in my life, Logan. It’s just too soon.”
“I know. It’s alright.”

I raised my head to look at him, to make sure he understood and was surprised to see him looking back. I could see the relief and understanding in his eyes and I knew things would be alright between us. It might take some time but we would be alright. He slowly lowered his head and pressed a soft kiss to my lips. I pulled away before we would be too far gone to stop.

Logan smiled and stepped away from me. Self-consciously, I crossed my arms in front of my chest as we were now completely revealed to each other. Logan threw me a lustful gaze before he stepped out of the shower. A second later, he came back with a white towel around his middle and another one in his hands. He looked ridiculous with his still erect penis poking out from under the small towel and I had to stifle a giggle.

He motioned me to step out and I had to let go of one breast to stabilize myself. Logan’s smiled widened as I bared a boob before he enfolded me in the towel and his embrace. He carefully dried my skin, his hands lingering a little longer on my belly then necessary but avoided all my other feminine parts with care. When I was completely dry, he pulled me into his arms.

We just held each other and savoured the moment. With a last kiss, he gathered his clothes, held them strategically in front of his crotch and walked out of the bathroom. I could hear Jubes wolf whistling at Logan as he stepped into the bedroom and smiled to myself. She could whistle all she want, he was mine.

As I walked to the door, I saw a brown movement out of the corner of my eyes. I bent down and saw Logan’s wallet lying hidden under the counter. I picked up his wallet and smiled as water streamed out of it. I opened his wallet and took out his money to lay it on the heating when I saw the edge of a photograph from a hidden pocket. Curious on who he had a picture of in his wallet, I took out the photo. My smile quickly vanished as a pair of green eyes framed with red hair smiled back at me. He carried a picture of Jean Grey in his wallet.

"Slower slower
We don't have time for that
All I want is to find an easier way
To get out of our little heads

Have heart my dear
We're bound to be afraid
Even if it's just for a few days
Making up for all this mess"
Run - Snow Patrol/Leona Lewis

---

That night, Logan was called away on a mission. His first mission in a long time. Four months to be exact. Logan stopped by my room right before he left. His body encased in leather and a weary smile on his face. Told me he was leaving on a mission but that he would be back soon. He touched my belly softly before he turned around and left. I watched the Blackbird fly into the distance from behind my window.

In my pocket, I could feel Logan’s wallet. I hadn’t given it back yet. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to know why he carried Jean’s photo everywhere he went. Was it worth knowing why? He had chosen for me, hadn’t he? My mind drifted back to our “conversation” in the shower. He had asked me if he could be a part of our sons life. But he hadn’t asked if he could be a part of my life as well.

I took Logan’s wallet out of my pocket and turned the material in my hands. Rough, like Logan’s hands. Battered, from all those years it had been used. The photo had obviously been in his wallet for quite some time. The edges were torn and the picture slightly faded. Maybe it didn’t mean anything. Maybe he just forget he had it?

I sighed and looked at the sky that was starting to turn dark. The Blackbird long disappeared from view. My hand that wasn’t holding Logan’s wallet, drifted to my belly, comforting my son and myself in the only way I knew.

I put his wallet back in my pocket and walked out of the room, in search for my best friends in times like these. Ben & Jerry’s! As I walked by the Professor’s study, I noticed the door was slightly open. Ice-cream forgotten, I decided to talk to the Professor. I hadn’t seen him in a long time.

He wasn’t in his study. The lights were on, though. The Professor was probably still downstairs, telepathically guiding the team. Not able to resist, I walked into his study. The lights threw a soft light on the serie of pictures on the wall.

I studied the photos. There was one of my graduation class from 5 years ago. Me, Jubes and Kitty making weird faces. I wasn’t wearing gloves. I had just learned to control my mutation and traditionally burned most of my gloves that day. The fire in which they burned representing my newfound freedom.

Next picture was from Jean and Scott's day. Scott and Jean were standing in the garden, eyes locked on each other, their eyes full of adoration and love. Their marriage only lasted four years. Until the day Scott died. Logan was nowhere nearby that day.

Next picture was suprisingly a picture of me and Logan. We were sitting on Logan's bike. Me in front of Logan, him behind me, arms around me, lookig over my shoulder and both of us smiling. I touched the picture, my fingers following the line of Logan's smile. He was really smiling in this picture. Not a grimace, not a grin but an actual smile. I hadn't seen that smile in a long time.

Suddenly, I didn't feel like talking to the Professor and I fled from his study before he returned. Blindly, I walked though the empty halls of the Mansion, letting my feet chosing the way. It was close to midnight already and all the students were already asleep. At least, they were supposed too. Not paying attention to were I was going, I didn't realised where my feet had taken me until I stood in front of his door. The door to Logan's room.

After a brief moment of hesistation, I opened the door and walked inside. The combined smell of Jean and Logan hit me full force and a wave of nausea swept through me. I resisted the urge to throw up and closed the door behind me, trying my hardest to ignore the smell, breathing through my mouth. Everywhere I looked were reminders of Jean. Her white blouse on the chair, a Cosmopolitan on the desk, high heels near the door.

I took Logan's wallet out of my pocket and laid it on one of the nightstands. A sparkle from the other nightstand caught my eye. Curious, I walked around the bed to look at the sparkle. A golden band with a circular diamond on top. Jean's engagement ring. Another golden band beside it. Her wedding ring. I picked them up, studying them. Had she recently taken them off or the first night she was in Logan's bed? I knew Logan couldn't stand the sight of those rings around her finger but had Jean really taken them off as soon as Scott was out of the picture?

Rough hands suddenly pulled me backwards and I dropped the rings. My back collieded with a hard chest and a laboured breath blew in my ear. Logan was home.

He was murmering something to me. His hands roaming over my body, cupping my breasts, fingering my nipples through my bra. I strained my ears, trying to hear what he was saying.

"I'm sorry, Jeannie. I never meant to hurt you. It just happened. I'm sorry, Jeannie. Please, forgive me. I'm sorry."

I tried to block the sound of his voice from my mind but he kept on murmering. My back was starting to feel wet. He turned me around, his eyes desperately seeking mine. His eyes so painfully intense and full of emotions, I just wasn't able to look at him. I lowered my gaze and noticed all the gashes and slices in his uniform, where fresh blood was still oozing out of him. I remembered the wet feeling at my back.

He closed his eyes and wrapped his strong arms around me. I didn't resist him. I felt another wet feeling spreading on my front. He buried his face in my hair and inhaled deeply, his arms tightening even more around me. His face moved from my hair to my face and warm lips met mine.

He was shaking. I didn't know what had happened at the mission and right now, I didn't think I wanted to know. His lips became more persistent and I closed my eyes, surrendering myself to him.

He slowly lowered me on the bed and moved his face to my collarbone, nipping gently. I could feel his mouth moving against my skin, murmering the same words again.

"I'm sorry, Jeannie. I didn't mean for it to happen. I'm sorry. Forgive me. I'm sorry, Jeannie."

I clenched my eyes shut, willing myself not to hear his voice. He opened my blouse and pulled up my top, bearing my breasts to the world. His lips locked on my nipple, softly biting the tender flesh. I couldn't help the slight thrust of my hips. Logan kept on murmering but I couldn't hear him, intending on focusing on the pleasure he was bringing me.

"Please forgive me."

His bloodied body covered mine as he lowered himself on me and sought my lips again. I put my arms around his neck and pulled him as close as I could. One hand drifted to the zipper of his uniform and I lowered the zip, bearing new healed flesh to my view. I ran my hands over his chest, checking for open wounds. There weren't any.

I felt him smile against my mouth as I lowered the zipper even more. He stood up and shrugged of his leather uniform, his eyes never leaving me. He wasn't murmering anymore. I didn't know if I should be glad or worried. I kicked off my own jeans and underwear. His eyes sparkled as I layed bare in front of him. Blushing, I lowered my gaze to his massive erection. I had never seen him in his full glory. My eyes swept over his body, taking in every ripple and muscle on his body.

Logan patiently let me stare until I couldn't take it anymore and beckoned him to come closer. He was on me in a second, his cock nudging at my entrance, his mouth on mine. I pulled him closer and he sank halfway in. I gasped and Logan took the oppertunity to thrust his tongue into my mouth. Exploring every corner in my mouth, he slowly embedded himself to the hilt. We both groaned when he was completely inside me, his sack resting against my thighs.

He pulled out and pushed back in, his balls slapping against my legs. A flash of pleasure shooting through my system as he did it again, a little harder this time. The flashes became a thunderstorm as Logan continued his assault on my body. He was getting closer as well. I could feel him growing harder and larger inside me. He pushed on hand between our bodies, stopping for a moment on my belly as to greet his son, before circling my clit. I clamped my muscles around him as he pressen down and it became too much for me to handle, I fell over the edge. Logan kissed me, swallowing my scream.

Logan thrusted three more times before reaching orgasm, emptying himself in me. He collapsed on top of me. Slightly suffocating me but I welcomed the feeling. He was making me feel safe, lying like this, shielding myself from the world.

After a few moments, Logan was getting heavier and I had a feeling he was about to fall asleep. Not wanting to be crushed, I slightly nudged his shoulder. He groaned and tightened his grip around me. I smile and nudged again.

"Logan, I can't breathe."

He looked up, eyes full of confusion. The lust haze had disappeared from his mind, shock replacing it. I frowned. I didn't like what was happening.

"Marie?"

He sat up quickly, pulling out. I hissed at the soreness and emptiness that replaced the warm feeling of his cock sheated deep inside me. His eyes quickly darting back and forth between the now limp organ between his legs and my body. I sat up as well and he jumped off the bed.

"Logan?"

I reached out my hand towards him but he shrank back like I had just thrown something at him. He grabbed one of his jeans off the floor, put it on and ran out of the room. The room shook as the slam of the door vibrated through the entire room. I pulled the sheets, that now smelt like me and Logan, around me and walked to the window. I could just see his back retreating through the trees.

"The truth is hiding in your eyes
And its hanging on your tongue
Just boiling in my blood,
But you think that I can't see
What kind of man that you are
If you're a man at all
Well, I will figure this one out on my own"
Decode - Paramore

---

I wasn't able to go to sleep after Logan left. I couldn't stay in that room, so I moved to Jubes' room, but every time I closed my eyes I could see his eyes, full of confusion and shock. His back swallowed by the trees.

I stared at the ceiling of Jubes' room. I tried to analyse what happened earlier. I remembered his murmering. What was he talking about? Or against whom? Was he talking to me or did he think he was talking to Jean?

"I'm sorry, Jeannie. I never meant to hurt you. It just happened. I'm sorry, Jeannie. Please, forgive me. I'm sorry."

It was Jean's name he said. No doubt about that. His nickname for Jean had always been a stab in my back. She belonged to another man. A man who loved her dearly. Who loved her more then anything in the whole wide world, and she equally loved him back. Until he was gone and she needed someone else whose world evolved around her. And that person had been Logan.

And why would he refuse? She had been the object of his affection since he met her. She was the woman where I was the child. I couldn't compare to her. He finally had what he was after and then she was taken away from him. I was the substitute for him when she was gone. Did he come to me tonight for comfort? Just like he did the night she died?

But tonight was different from that night. While I was giving him comfort, he was giving me pleasure. Unlike the night our son was conceived. Where the only pleasure was the one he was receiving. I didn't even orgasm. It was almost funny. I lost my virginity that night and I didn't even orgasm!

A giggle started in my stomach and for a minute, I was laughing. My laughter bounced off the walls into the darkness of the room. Suddenly frustrated, I threw the covers away and stood up. I couldn't stay here any longer. The scent of sex was heavy in the empty room and made me feel trapped. Silently, I walked out of the room and went downstairs. Maybe some tea would help me.

The lights in the kitchen were on, and for a moment hope flared in my chest, mixed with fear. I took a deep breath and stepped into the kitchen. Hank and Ororo were sitting at the counter, steaming mugs in front of them, hands intwined, foreheads touching. Quitely whispering with each other. They looked up as soon as I walked in and I felt like an intruder. I was about to step out of the kitchen when Hank called me.

"Rogue?"

I turned around again and let a small smile touch my lips. Hank and Ororo smiled back and eased away from each other a little, but their hands remained entwined. Ororo poured me a cup of tea and set it on the counter for me. I murmered a quick "thanks" and reached for the cup. I gripped it with firm hands, trying to let the tea warm my whole body, instead of just my hands.

"What happened? On the mission?"

I had to know. Because what happened on the mission, obviously had quite the impact on Logan. Hank and Ororo shot each other a quick look, obviously not expecting the question. My gaze darted between the two of them. Finally, Ororo sighed and looked at me.

"We came across the Brotherhood during the mission. Apparently they heard about Scott and Jean's death and thought we wouldn't show. Logan was assigned to deal with Sabretooth, but instead he ran into Mystique."

Mystique was there? With Logan? I could almost guess what happened next. She had changed into Jean and Logan had been unable to fight her.

"She changed into Jean."

I sighed and closed my eyes. I was right. Jean had always been his weakness.

"What happened next?"

Ororo firmly gripped Hank's hand and he saw it as a sigh to take over from his fiancée.

"He just stopped fighting as soon as he saw her. He let her beat the hell out of him. None of us were able to help him. We were all having our own problems. I lost sight of him, but when it was all over Mystique was dead and Logan wasn't any better."

By now, I was holding my cup so tightly, I was afraid it would break. It was now clear to me. Logan had to kill Mystique while she was still disguised as Jean. He had watched himself kill the love of his life. His murmering suddenly made sense to me. He was apologising to Jean for killing her. Even if it hadn't really been her.

I set my cup on the counter and looked outside to the woods were Logan had disappeared. He came to me after the mission for comfort. For proof that he was still alive. For proof that he hadn't really killed her. Only to find her gone and me in his bed. But what happened tonight was different from all those other times. He wasn't just thinking about his own pleasure but also about mine. He had responded to me where before, he didn't. He had ackowledged it was me, not her. He had looked into my eyes.

I didn't understand. And the only person who could make me understand was out there. Once again, all alone. I opened the kitchen doors and walked towards the forest, towards Logan.

Hi everyone,

Sorry to disappoint you but this is no new chapter. Now put the pitchforks down slowly. I thought I'd just post something you should probably know about this story since I got some reviews asking me to update.

First, I will continue and finish this story. I have already worked out what's gonna happen in the next chapter, I just need to put it on paper. Fortunately, I'm having a little writer's block so I don't know when the next chapter will be up but I won't be anytime soon.

Second, I'm having a crazy time right now. I recentely became a wife. I got married a month ago and me and my husband (I love saying that, husband) have been enjoying our post-honeymoon bliss.

Finally, My due date is in less then 2 months (I'm due July 7th) so we're extremely busy preparing for the little guy and enjoying the final moments of my pregnancy.

Thank you for your patience and support. This story and the other ("Her Achilles") will be continued when I got the time again.

Love, Sophie