Don't throw her against a wall to kiss her. It'll leave you both feeling drained-her from head injuries, you from healing her. The next day people will look at you like you beat her every night.(The Notebook)

Do not buy her a dress and leave it for her to find after you've had a fight. It will be either too big or too small. She will be convinced you were thinking of someone else when you picked it out. You'll still be sleeping on the couch.(Simply Irresistible)

Don't think stalking her is romantic. She won't be happy and her friends will try and convince her you are emotionally stunted.(Addicted to Love)

You will always stand under the wrong window with the CD player. Things will get thrown at you.(Say Anything)

Never, ever leave the dog on top of the car when you drive off. She will notice and hit you repeatedly.(There's Something About Mary)

And last but not least, don't try anything from 'Pretty Woman'. Healing factor or not, you will hurt for day's.

This, my son, is the best knowledge I can give you on dating: These movies lie. I'm looking forward to seeing you when you're born. Love, Dad.