Summary: Logan and Rogue have never seen eye to eye. when Rogue ends up in a coma, Logan must reevaluate everything in his life, including how he looks at rogue. he must see her for the starving woman that she is.
Categories: Comicverse Characters: None
Genres: Adult, Shipper
Tags: None
Warnings: Not Beta Read, Not Spellchecked
Challenges: Series: None
Chapters: 9
Completed: No
Word count: 13995
Read: 46072
Published: 09/28/2009
Updated: 09/28/2009
Story Notes:
[this is the same story as posted on another site, but this is the unabridged version complete with the -more adult- chapters]
1. Chapter 1 by Fishy
2. Chapter 2 by Fishy
3. Chapter 3 by Fishy
4. Chapter 4 by Fishy
5. Chapter 5 by Fishy
6. Chapter 6 by Fishy
7. Chapter 7 by Fishy
8. Chapter 8 by Fishy
9. Chapter 9 by Fishy
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...
.....
-Simply Electric-
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It had been almost a month.
.
who was he kidding?
.
it had been 26 days.
.
26 days.
And Ten hours.
And thirty four minuets.
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If he didn’t know himself better, he would swear he was quoting rent, had he ever seen that movie?
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Wait.
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Rogue loved it, sang the songs all the time.
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His mind flickered to another time another place-
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...
.....
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
“Logan, ah know you said you didn’t know what ‘ta get me for my birthday, so I was wondering something Sugah,”
.
“what’s that Kid?” Logan looked up at Rogue standing before him, she was no longer a kid, but that didn’t change how he looked at her.
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He didn’t let it.
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“well, Rent is back on Broadway. Maybe you could take me ‘ta see it.”
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Logan smirked, and even chuckled a bit as he watched her squirm under his gaze.
.
“Kiddo, you need to read your mail every once in a while.”
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He had bought her tickets when he was in Canada, had been trying to apologize for running out on her. She had tried to spent time with him on his birthday. A day she had picked for him, he didn’t know his real birthday, so he had let her pick a day for him, exactly one month before hers so they both would always remember it.
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He had run out to go looking for phantoms of his past and she had called him crying, he had missed his birthday, and when he seen they had tickets for rent for sale he had jumped at the opportunity, even thought he knew that hearing the actors sing those songs would be nothing like hearing her half hum, half sing them.
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He had even sat throught the entire musical, her hand nestled within his much larger hand.
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He had almost kissed her that night.
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..
...
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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..
...
He longed to kiss her now.
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Her hand was nestled within his own as he sat beside the bed watching her waiting for her to regain consciousness.
.
Her lips were still swollen, bruised, and mottled with little cuts, she hadn’t been healing very well and he had no idea why.
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26 days.
.
She had been in a coma for 26 days, ever since she had been nearly trampled to death by a reprogrammed sentinel.
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He still thought it was his fault.
It wasn’t.
.
..
...
He looked at her still, even beaten and bruised he was happy she at least lived, took a second to be glad that when he had lifted her crumpled body from the ground that she had reached for him, her hands bare as she ran them over his neck, she had let her lips brush his cheek sending the familiar feeling of static electricity course through him as she leeched some of his healing factor before she lost consciousness.
.
Then there was nothing.
.
For 26 days she had not drained one seconds worth of his healing factor from him.
.
And he had been holding her hand every day.
.
It killed him.
.
..
...
Every day he had sat there watching her, watching her visitors come and go, watching as hank checked her vitals every few hours. Hank luckily had given up telling logan to get some rest.
.
He had been here long after her ’boyfriend’ had stopped coming as often, it had been nearly eight days since gambit had come at all.
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When had time meant so much to him?
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..
...
Chapter 2.
-flash back-
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...
.....
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
They had been on a mission.
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Taking care of a wild mutant.
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The so called wild mutant was just a teenager unable to control their powers, charles had helped calm the kid down and they were loading everyone back into the x-jet when they heard the familiar footsteps.
.
...
.....
Sentinels.
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“party crashers” rogue had said in her southern accent, her hair was curly today, pulled back with a head band.
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Logan had attacked taking two of them down easily.
.
He never saw the third.
.
Gambit had thrown three charged cards at its chest. The sentinel careened backwards, and took a step to catch its balance.
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Rogue saw it, too late to pick up the kid in front of her and fly to safety, so she just reacted.
.
She shoved the kid out of the way, shoved the kid so hard he went flying, ended up with a fractured collarbone in the end of it all, but at least the kid was alive.
.
Logan had grabbed the kid while Colossus made for the sentinel, but they all were too slow, its massive foot crushed her, trampled her where she stood.
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Colossus nearly ripped the sentinel to shreds as he flung pieces of the metal goliath around to dig out rogue.
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...
.....
Logan got there first.
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She was alive and breathing but just hardly.
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In one motion he scooped her up, she had pulled off her gloves and she reached for him, he fell to his knees as he cradled her in his arms.
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Her face was covered in blood and more swolen then he thought it could have gotten. She looked at him, stared at his lips, she wanted a kiss, he could see it in her eyes.
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Well at least in the one that wasn’t swollen shut.
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Her hands found his neck trailing over the bare skin there, and he swallowed nervously.
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He knew she needed his healing factor thought.
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He tipped his head down to her, and her lips brushed his cheek.
.
...
.....
Simply electric.
.
...
.....
It felt like static electricity, buzzing over his skin, charging through his veins when she sapped his powers from him.
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He never once referred to her as a leech.
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He wanted so badly to capture her lips with his, to kiss her exploring her mouth until she had taken everything she needed from him, he didn’t care if she drained him dry he would recover one day.
.
It would be worth it.
.
But she had passed out.
.
Damn.
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He stood sighing softly, worried about her. He knew she didn’t take as much of his healing factor as she needed to heal, but he was hoping she had gotten enough to keep her alive.
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Her steady breathing and her now steady heartbeat told him that she had.
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He had moved to gambit, that was her boyfriend. But there was a look of disgust on gambits face when his eyes landed on rogues trampled face.
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...
.....
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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...
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Boyfriend.
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The looser guy that made you ditch the person you called your best friend so that you could go see some cheesy movie that you had already seen with your best friend.
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Best friends.
.
Every time logan had tried to leave her, really tried to leave her, every time that he wanted to just let go of his humanity she would cry.
She would ask him why he was leaving her.
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Told him he couldn’t leave, he was her best friend.
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And every time he would tell her that he didn’t have any friends.
And she would weep, and bring up something he had done for her.
People who didn’t care wouldn’t let you sleep in their bed when there was a thunderstorm.
.
And each time it worked.
.
He never admited that it worked, but wouldn’t he be dammed if he would promise to come back every time.
She would say “don’t come back to me Logan, come home to me.”
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He knew that Gambit was upset about how logan and rogue got along, nearly freaked out when he found a pijama clad rogue coming out of logans room one morning after a particulary bad storm the night before.
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...
.....
“Come home to me Rogue” logan said to her.
.
His voice was quiet against the sound of the heart monitor, how he ached for the sound of her laughter. Hell he would light himself on fire again just to hear her laugh.
.
He did light himself on fire once didn’t he?
.
He laughed at the thought, rembering how one of the kids was trying to light a fart, holding a lighter behind his butt.
Rogue told him it would be funny to see him light his cigar with the flame the kid was holding.
Sure enough logan did it.
And the kid busted wind at the exact wrong moment, sending a horrid smelling wave of fire over his face, didn’t bother him too much thought, he had caught on fire plenty.
.
But rogue, she laughed.
.
She laughed untill logan was certain that she was gonna fall over from lack of oxygen.
He ached for that laughter now.
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...
.....
Best Friends.
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Its what the stupid key chain she had gotten him said.
His keys, all manly and simple, just three keys on a ring, dirty and smelling like motor oil the way that they should.
Then there was that stupid little keychain, one she had slipped on there the one time he let her borrow his car.
It was plastic and shiny and even glitterey.
.
But it smelled like her.
.
He didn’t know why that was so alluring for him.
.
He sniffed the air.
.
All he smelled were cleaners, he could still smell the sent of the soap beast had used to wash his hands before coming to check up on rogue.
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...
.....
Rogue.
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She was still laying there.
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Silent.
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Kissable.
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He still wanted to kiss her, still wanted to hold her to his chest and comfort her, tell her everything would be alright. He wanted to tell her how he had been sitting here for 26 days. He wanted to tell her about how disgusted gambit was when he laid eyes on her mangled face.
.
Who was he kidding?
He could never tell her.
.
His fingers twitched.
.
Great. He had done it again, got thinking about the way gambit looked at her and got himself all worked up. He needed a few minuets away. He needed to eat something anyways, he would go punch something then grab a bit of food to eat and be back here in less then ten minuets.
.
He stood and looked at her.
.
Kissable.
.
Damn himself to hell. He was going to kiss her, just a little one. He was told to talk to her and all the talking, well he knew it was worthless, he could promise that woman anything and it would mean nothing to her. She didn’t want promises, she just wanted him there. She didn’t want nice things either, she would rather have a night at home, or somewhere to go during a storm then all the pretty shiny things he could afford.
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You know you want to.
.
He hated his inner thoughts sometimes, hated how they pushed him for what he wanted and berated him about them at the same time.
.
He moved to the head of her bed, reaching out to brush the hair from her face.
Funny how this was the first time he had done this without worrying about her sucking every last drop of his very being into her.
His hand caressed her face, and he bent low, pressing his lips to hers, even as swolen as they were, they were soft.
.
...
.....
Static electricity.
.
He could feel it.
.
He was happy. He was so happy he would have done a happy dance had she asked him for one.
He didn’t break the contact, he kept his lips pressed to hers, feeling the swelling in her lips going down. He wanted to smile but her sudden movements caught him off guard.
He stood up looking at her, watching her. He was watching her heal, watching her beautiful face return to its normal state.
Her fingers twitched, mimicking the action that he had just made moments ago.
.
Great.
.
He was inside her.
.
He hated it.
.
When she tapped him, when she took his healing factor, she took other things too.
.
Memories.
.
His eyes went wide as he stared at her.
.
Boyfriend.
.
He knew it, he knew she would see it, knew she would have that memory floating throught her mind.
His chest grew tight.
He took a deep breath and watched her, she flinched and then sat straight up her eyes wide.
.
“Logan!”
.
He reached out for her instinctively, but she flinched away from his hands.
.
Her skin was bare.
.
She looked up into his eyes, there was so much confusion there.
“Sugah, you been here all the time.” she didn’t ask. She simply stated it.
.
“yeah Kid, I have been.”
“wheres Remy?” she used gambits real name. that meant bad news in Logans book.
“I will get him here.”
.
Shit.
.
She knew.
.
She wouldn’t have asked for gambit that way if she didn’t.
.
Logan poked his head outside of the door, hank was sitting there going over some paperwork, probably grading papers if logan had to guess.
“Hank, get gambit down here, its important”
Even thought hank looked at him with utter confusion on his face, he didn’t argue, just moved to grab the phone.
Logan looked back to rogue, she was nearly in tears.
.
“Logan” her voice was shaky “has it really been almost a month?”
He didn’t answer just nodded.
“you didn’t want me to know did you?”
“About what kid?”
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“I can see it Logan, see how he looked at me.”
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Gambit.
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“Ah, know you are trying to protect me, but this one single memory is screaming at me, you must not like it, it must have been really bugging you.”
“you don’t understand kid, I was trying to protect you, I know how fond of him you are.” Logans chest began to feel tight again.
.
Rogues eyes narrowed and she moved so that she was on her knees.
Logan watched her as she reached out for him, his breath caught as her hands met the taut muscles of his stomach.
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Trailing downwards.
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He held his breath.
.
How many times had he imagined her hands on his body?
Not a single time that he would admit.
One of her fingers slipped thought one of his belt loops, grabbing him and pulling him towards her, she was stronger then he remembered.
He closed his eyes, trying to draw up the strength to stop her, just as he lifted his hands to pull hers from his body, her left hand darted into his pocket.
His eyes flew open just as she pulled his keys out of his pocket and sat back on the bed.
.
He suddenly missed her closeness.
.
How many times had she crawled into his bed in the middle of the night?
He never slept with her in his bed.
He would stay awake untill she had fallen asleep, her head nestled on his chest, a sheet a barrier between their bodies. When she would fall asleep he would climb out of bed and sit in a chair next to the bed.
.
He would watch her.
.
Much like he was watching her now.
.
She was staring at the keychain on his keys.
The very thing she had put on there herself.
“ah didn’t think you would have kept it.”
Logan met her eyes taking a deep breath before speaking “ it would have broken your heart if I had just thrown it away darlin”
Rogue looked nearly heart broken as she looked at him, the sound of footsteps drew her attention away.
.
Footsteps.
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Normally she wouldn’t have been able to hear such a soft sound, but she still had most of logans powers floating around in her body. His very sensitive hearing was only one of them.
Gambit entered the room and immediately went to rogue “Mon cherie! You is awake, gambit was getting worried”
It was a subtle movement, but logan caught her nostrils flare.
.
What was she smelling?
.
Logan took a deep breath trying to find his way around the smells of the antiseptic, and the alluring smell of the shampoo kitty had used to wash rogues hair yesterday. Perfume, he smelled perfume, and faintly he smelled women.
He kept himself from saying or doing anything and instead just watched rogue and gambit.
“sugah, how come you aint came and seen me lately?”
“mon cherie, gambit has come to see his woman, came a lot of times to see his woman.”
.
“so who was the girl gambit?”
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She didn’t use gambits real name this time, logan swore that this was getting worse by the second.
“what girl cherie?”
“ah can smell her, do you know how I’m healed? Logan touched me while I was unconscious and I sapped his powers. Did you know that along with his healing power I took some of his memories, and his powerful sense of smell?”
Logan was supprised that the beautiful southern belle sitting in that bed was being so blunt, maybe she had taken some of his personality too.
When gambit didn’t say anything she continued to speak “ah disgust you do ah?”
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“oh non cherie, you do not disgust gambit, very oppisate in fact.”
“bullshit, and if you wont tell me then I will find out myself”
.
She reached for gambit faster then he could move away and she laid her hand full onto the side of his face pulling her hand back after a moment. She looked at gambit wide eyed for a moment before she slapped him with such force that he fell off of the edge of the bed where he was perched.
“twins Gambit?! You don’t visit your girlfriend for eight days because youre busy screwing a pair of twins six ways to Sunday?”
“rogue, calm down” logan said as he took a step forward putting himself between her and gambit.
“Logan, he was disgusted, your eyes didn’t lie.” she looked like she was going to cry “hes been spending the past few days with twins, I can see them logan, I can nearly taste them”
.
She was crying now.
.
When she spoke again her southern accent was nearly gone, she had taken more of his personality then he thought she could have.
“I love him Logan, but he thinks that nothing will ever come of us because I cant control my powers. I cant be intimate with him Logan, because of my powers.”
“Rogue, mon cherie, it aint what it seems” gambit spoke now.
In a split second rogue had used the powers siphoned from gambit to charge the keys she still held in her hand, and she launched them at gambit, striking him square in the chest, right over his heart.
Logan watched gambits face, the range of emotions conflicting over his face, gambits red and black eyes blinking rapidly before gambit spoke again.
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“cherie, youre right, gambit be sorry but he couldn’t help himself. He never could handle that he couldn’t touch and couldn’t kiss the woman he loved. You have to believe this thought, gambit was never disgusted by you. Dis gambit was always disgusted by the way that da mighty wolverine could touch what da gambit couldn’t. you touched him cherie, you touched him and it didn’t even bother him.” gambits voice broke as he spoke “every day when gambit came in here logan was holding your hand. Gambit couldn’t touch you like that, you never let him, you never stayed the night in gambits room when you was scared of the storms, cherie, you never really was gambits woman, your heart never was gambits either.”
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Rogue looked shocked and she peered past logan to get a better view of gambit as she waited for him to finish.
“cherie, gambit dun messed up, he knows that, but when we thought you was dying, you was calling for logan, reaching out for him, to kiss him when you found him.”
Gambit moved past logan, he moved to the edge of the bed and leaned over pressing a kiss to rogues forehead before stepping back “gambit hopes you will see what he wants you to know.”
.
Gambit walked out.
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Rogue was too stunned to speak.
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Her breathing was unsteady.
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...
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Storms.
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...
.....
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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Logan remembered when rogue was younger, when she first had came to the mansion, if he remembered correctly she was just about sixteen, and scared of thunderstorms.
He could hear her crying, muffled throught the door, but it was clear as day to him.
.
“Rogue?”
.
Her name always slipped from his tongue so easily.
“Lo- Logan?” she asked stuttering.
He could smell her tears, smell the fear tainting her sweet scent. He stopped his minds wanderings, the kid was like a little sister to him, he wanted nothing to do with that, if he started checking out girls her age he needed to be shot.
He did care for her thought. Ever since he had met her in that shady bar in Canada he had looked out for her. Sometimes he thought he must be the only one she really spoke to.
.
“Logan, make the thunder go away.”
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He had sat next to her inside the closet where she was huddled behind the clothes hanging there. He had allowed her to curl up to him, let her nestle herself inside his jacket, one of her hands instinctively wrapped around his dogtags.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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...
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Dog tags.
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...
.....
His hand darted up to his neck, he wasent wearing them.
His brows furrowed as he tried to remember what happened to them.
“you looking for these?” rogue said as she grabbed the chain hanging from her neck, tugging it from where it had slipped inside the neckline of her shirt, exposing the dog tags after a moment.
.
Logan was lost.
.
When had she gotten them?
Why did she have them?
His chest tightened again.
.
“Im leaving kid, you need your rest.”
Logan walked out of the room, and he could have sworn that he heard her crying once the door shut.
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...
.....
Three hours.
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...
.....
It had been three hours since he left the med lab.
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Three hours.
.
Nearly three hours that he had been running through the forest, clawing at the trees, chasing squirrles, and trying to keep his mind off the pretty woman that rogue had grown into.
He had watched her grow up.
Made every milestone with her.
.
Her drivers licence.
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Buying cigarettes at 18.
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Bought her a drink at 21.
.
Her first drink.
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He remembered her 21st birthday with a smile.
Then he berated himself for smiling, when she was 21 that’s when she admitted that she was learning to control her powers, that she was practing touching things without taking power from it.
She had kissed him to prove her point.
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...
.....
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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...
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Pina colada.
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Her mouth had tasted like cocnut and rum. There had been no sparks that night, but she had kissed him so eagerly, she had kissed him like her life depended on it.
.
He had taken her to a nice bar, not the usual dives he went to. Wanted to make her 21st birthday special to her.
Bought her a pina colada, and she had opened up to him, told him that she was still untouched because of her powers.
.
Innocent.
.
While the women around her could kiss and love and be loved by men, she couldn’t.
While she drank she had told logan how jelouse she was of the other women, even girls could hold hands.
He was uncomfortable sitting in a fancy bar, listening to rogue tell him how much she wanted to be loved by a man.
.
He asked her to take a walk with him.
.
They walked to a nearby park.
.
They were alone.
.
They had sat upon a concrete picnic table and they talked for what seemed like hours.
She said she had a secret.
Told him she had been practing touching people without taking any of their powers. Admited that she had been working hard to control her powers.
.
Logan asked her what that meant.
.
Rogue had leaned over and kissed him.
.
...
.....
Pina colada.
.
...
.....
He could still taste it as she explored his mouth.
He didn’t stop her.
As much as he wanted to fist his hand in her hair and kiss her untill she was breathless, he stayed still.
Her fingers tangled into his hair, and she moved closer to him.
In one motion she had swung her leg over his and was straddling him, her body pressed to his.
.
He wanted her.
.
It was her 21st birthday and she was drunk from a single pina colada.
.
He wanted her.
.
She pressed up against him, grinding her hips against him.
.
He growled.
.
She nipped at his lower lip and he nearly lost it. Nearly lost all control, he wanted her, and he either had to have her or he had to stop her now.
.
One more kiss.
.
His hands reached out for her, one hand fisting in her hair, the other pressed to the small of her back pressing her body firmly against his.
His mouth moved greedy against hers, exploring it, tasting her.
He smelled her scent spike.
.
He had to stop himself.
.
There was something primal about it, he wanted to take her, to claim her, to have his way with her and then howl to the moon to tell all others that she was his.
He pulled her hair, pulling her mouth from his, pulling her body from his. He stood her on the ground before him, she looked confused, her eyes falling to the physical proof of his desire.
She reached for him again, but she was loosing her concentration, he could feel the static against his skin.
.
“not now Anna, not like this.”
.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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...
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Her scent.
.
...
.....
She had followed him, somehow found him in the forest.
“Logan” she called out softly, she knew he could hear her even thought she was whispering between the trees.
“Im over here” he called out kneeling down next to the meager spring to wash the blood from his hands.
Her scent hit him full force, she smelled like wild flowers, like he would have described sunshine.
.
Long gone was the scent of the med lab.
His eyes lifted to find her moving towards him, gone were her gloves, hell she was hardly wearing anything.
.
Contain yourself.
.
Boyfriend.
.
She hadn’t even broken up with gambit officially and here logan was nearly drooling over the woman before him.
“Logan, can ah talk to you?”
Damn, her voice was like velvet on the wind, the sound caressed his ears.
.
He wanted her.
.
But not now, not like this.
.
“Rogue, why did you come out here?”
“Ah need answers, Logan, I saw what you were trying to keep from me.”
He sighed softly, berating himself for leaving his thoughts so open while he had kissed her earlier.
He didn’t speak, he just let her ask a million questions to fill the silence.
“ah want to know how long it was gonna be before you told me.”
His face was set like stone as she continued to ask her questions.
.
“and why didn’t you ever tell me how you longed for my touch? And why didn’t you ever kiss me like you wanted to? Why didn’t you ever give in to your desires? You stopped yourself so many times logan. Why stop yourself when you knew that I wanted the exact same thing.”
.
Logans chest became tight again, he avoided looking at her, avoided seeing her in her form fitting clothes. He desperately wanted to touch every inch of her flesh, wanted to taste her innocence.
.
“would you feel better if ah told you ah wasent so innocent as you think ah am?”
That got him, he nearly threw up at the thought. Nearly emptied his stomach at the thougth of another man having what was his.
.
...
.....
What was his.
.
Did he really think she was his?
.
When had he become so possessive?
.
“Logan? Are you okay?” her voice was soft again as she moved closer to him.
.
He growled.
.
He wanted her.
.
“god damn it rogue, if I find out that the cajun so much as touched you I swear he will not live to see tomorrow.” he growled against his will his chest still so painfully tight.
She shook her head looking at him.
He was still on his knees, the spring water dripping from his hands, hands now clenched into fists.
.
“he did didn’t he?”
.
The pain loosened as she shook her head again.
“No sugah, ah was just trying anything to make you feel better.”
“rogue, you have always been so innocent in that one way, while you lived this harsh life, you were always nieve in one way. While other women were going around, whoring it up, you were pure.”
He nearly stabbed himself because of the raging emotions pouring from him as he spoke.
“you have no idea what its felt like to kiss you, knowing I would have to pull away before you absorbed my nightmares, how many times have I ignored you for days trying to stay away from you, only to be defeated when you showed up knocking on my door crying cause some storm has you all worked up.”
.
He sighed defeated as he lowered his hands and slumped onto all fours.
.
“you want to know what kind of animal I am anna, then look, touch me and absorb every single thought Ive ever had about you, every dirty thought, every time Ive been touched by a woman and wished it was you. Every time that I wished my hands were yours.”
.
“Logan ah can touch you.”
.
“but rogue, if I touch you I cant keep you innocent, I know I cant control myself, you’ve lived more of a life then anyone else, you’ve got hundreds of others peoples memories trapped in your head, remember when you accidently absorbed that hooker? You relived her rape every time you smelled coffee, even now you don’t drink it anymore.”
Rogue was crying now, he didn’t know why but he had done it, he had made her cry, and it wasent probably the first time that he had made her cry.
“Wolverine, ah love you, and if you don’t want me then that’s fine, but ah will be dammed if you hide behind your instincts, ah have seen inside of your head and ah have seen how you look at me, seen it with mah own eyes, and ah have seen it throught yours. Mah innocence be dammed!”
.
She took a few steps forward and leveled her gaze at him, she was hiding something, he could tell. He just didn’t know what.
“what aint you telling me?”
She breathed deeply, letting the breath out with a shudder.
“ah don’t think ah can tell you with out you getting upset.”
“that’s one thing we will just have to deal with then darlin”
.
She took another deep breath.
.
And another.
.
“ah saved myself logan, kept mah innocence for so long. Well because ah used to think that’s what you loved about me most, you always wanted me to be innocent and pure, but when ah found out that ah could touch people, ah could have been ‘whoring it up’ like you said.”
“then why didn’t you? Why save yourself? You had a man who loved you.”
“ah was saving mah self for the only man who cared about mah innocence.”
.
Realization hit him like a brick wall.
.
She saved herself.
.
For him.
.
Her innocence.
.
Was his.
.
...
.....
-
---
-----
Innocence.
.
Her innocence.
.
The prospect thrilled him.
And disgusted him at the same time.
.
He wanted her.
.
That much would always be true, but was it right to take advantage of a woman who he protected and cared for?
Rogue was like his princess.
He would do anything to keep her safe and happy.
.
Lord knows he had put her thought enough heartache to last a life time.
.
Her heart broke every time that he left.
He knew it.
Because she told him.
.
She got him get a cell phone so that she could keep in touch with him.
.
a lot of times all her heard was her crying voice mails because he would go days without even looking at his phone.
-
---
-----
Crying.
.
She was still crying.
Hell they were still in the forest where she had just admitted saving herself for him.
She was his.
.
She was his.
.
He simply couldn’t get over the idea.
.
“kid? You okay?”
He spoke softly watching her dry the tears from her eyes.
She bristled at the term kid.
.
“Logan, when is you gonna see me for the woman ah am?”
.
He messed up again, he knew it now.
.
“Im sorry Anna, you have to believe me”
And she did, she believed him with every fiber of her being.
Part of it was because she trusted him.
Part of it was because she had his memories and his personality roaming around in her brain.
.
He watched the emotions flicker across her face before she spoke.
.
“ah want you to know what its like to see everything inside of mah head, ah see so much of whats in yoah head, but you never seen inside of mine.”
.
Logan said nothing, he knew that something like that couldn’t happen, not with the mess his brain was in after all the experiments from weapon x.
Xavier had described his mind like a maze once.
couldn’t tell what was real and what was fake.
.
He couldn’t put her through that.
.
“rogue, I don’t think that’s such a good Idea.”
He was honest with her, that was a good start.
“you don’t know what youre going to find in there, and who knows if you will remain the same after it all?”
.
“Logan-”
He avoided her gaze, looked anywhere but into her beautiful face.
“Logan! Look at me when ah am speaking!”
He looked up, past the tight material she was wearing.
Past those delectably kissable lips.
.
Beautiful red rimmed eyes.
.
that’s what he was looking into now.
Her big beautiful eyes.
He really could get lost in them.
.
He wanted her.
.
He bit his bottom lip as he watched her lick her lips.
It was torture.
He was all the way over here but her and that ‘leave nothing to the imagination’ outfit was way over there.
Had to be that way though.
Or else he wouldn’t be able to stop himself.
wouldn’t be able to think straight.
He waited for her to speak.
“Logan”
His name sounded like ecstasy when she said it.
“ah know your mind already sugah, ah got a little of you roaming around in my brain most times”
.
She licked her lips again.
.
Fuck.
.
He wanted her.
.
“ah know what youre thinking”
.
“how would you know what im thinking?”
He nearly growled the words as he tried to contol himself.
-
---
-----
“ah, well ah am in your head, I don’t have a conscience anymore logan, its kinda like ah have your voice steering me right from wrong”
.
“Then tell me Kid, what am I thinking?”
.
His voice was rough when he spoke, his fists were clenched and he was down right angry.
.
He didn’t want her in his head!
.
There was too much at stake.
Too many traps.
Too many nightmares and heartaches.
She was too young to have to deal with all that.
She was his princess.
.
She was his.
.
He wanted to protect her.
Knowing that all the evil parts of his mind that tormented him were floating freely in her brain killed him.
.
Did she feel the blood lust too?
Did she ever feel his rage?
Had she ever seen the times he had ached for her?
.
His stomach lurched at the thought that she could have seen his biggest secret.
.
His chest grew tight and his vision blurred.
He thought he was going to be ill.
.
Maybe she had seen it before.
.
He was beginning to sweat.
.
Maybe she had seen the times he had gone home with a woman.
.
He was loosing concentration.
.
Maybe she had seen when he touched those women he imagined it was her skin he was touching.
Maybe she had seen that when he closed his eyes it was her he was seeing.
.
He was scared.
.
He was scared that she would see that no matter how many women he had he was still never satisfied.
He was never satisfied because it was never her.
.
It was never her lips he was kissing.
It was never her skin he was touching.
It was never her scent he was breathing in.
It was never her hands running over his flesh.
.
It was never her.
-
---
-----
Logan doubled over.
He retched violently but could not empty his stomach.
.
He wanted to release everything.
.
He wanted to purge.
.
But it was his mind he wanted to purge.
He wanted to be rid of every impure thought.
Wanted to forget every time that he had thought of her impurely.
.
He wanted her.
.
That was the one thing that he knew would never change.
.
“Logan?”
Her voice was easy on the ears.
Like silk sheets in the summer time.
.
“Go away Kid! You don’t know me and you sure as hell don’t know what im thinking!”
He snapped at her like a wounded animal.
-
---
-----
He didn’t even have time to breath.
.
She was right upon him.
.
She was nose to nose with him.
Her breath was fanning over his face.
She was pissed.
He could feel it.
.
“Logan”
She snarled.
.
She sounded like him.
.
“Logan, I will have you know, I know all about you, I know more about you then even you know yourself.”
He couldn’t quite pin who she sounded like.
.
“and Im telling you. I know what your thinking. I know how you feel and most of all I know all your memories and your secrets. All your secrets Logan.”
.
His hands clenched and he raised a hand to push her away.
.
“you push me away and I swear I am going to rip both of your arms from your body.”
Her brows were furrowed and she was nearly spitting when she spoke.
.
“I know about your little whores. I know its me your seeing when youre with them. And I know that you want me. I know you logan, I know that you wont act on those feelings because you want me to be pure. You don’t want to defile me. But you want to keep me for yourself. don’t you think I could smell your pheremones rise when I told you I was yours? You wanted me logan. Now let me show you inside of my head.”
.
Her hands reached out for his face.
Her fingers felt like needles poking into his skull.
.
This was not the static that he had come to enjoy.
.
This was not his rogue.
.
He could smell it now.
.
Emma Frost.
-
---
-----
Author's Notes:
This chapter is a tiny bit dark, rogue is contemplating ending her life. but being that this is not that dark of a story I did little more then vaguely refrence it. please dont hate me -smiles-
Chapter five-
-
---
-----
He was still staring at her.
.
And she didn’t like it.
.
Moments ago she had grabbed his face
She had done what she only had dreamed she would one day do.
.
She had opened up her mind to him.
.
He could see everything rattling around in her head.
.
She knew he could.
.
But she also knew that he would keep himself guarded.
-
---
-----
“why Emma?”
His words broke into her thoughts.
.
“she was the only one who had so much to hide Sugah”
.
She didn’t need to speak out loud.
Knew he could see the answer if he only looked.
But then again she hadn’t invited him to.
.
“what do you mean Anna?”
.
“Ah needed a telepath, and Ah needed a strong one. I knew Emma be reading tha’ minds of people around her, so Ah knew if Ah came for her she would know, she would know she couldn’t stop mah’ but she would keep her mind locked away.”
.
She paused watching him.
.
She knew he was seeing how she attacked Emma.
. How she had flown right into Emma’s window and threw her to the floor.
.
“Logan, Ah didn’t want her roaming around in mah mind while Ah am trying to show you what Ah am thinking.”
.
She heard his thoughts before he spoke.
She almost grinned.
There was for now, a mental link between them.
.
“you’re a smart kid Anna”
-
---
-----
She hated being called “kid”
.
She was a woman.
.
A full blooded woman.
.
And she needed to show him.
.
Her mind raced through memories until she found the right one.
.
She wished she were a telepath.
The memories so clear.
.
So intense.
.
She could almost smell and taste them
-
---
-----
Rogue was 16 when Logan left.
.
Left to go run down ghosts at alkali lake.
.
Sure he was around here and there.
.
He was at the mansion sometimes.
.
But he was never really there.
-
---
-----
Time changed.
.
It was her seventeenth birthday.
.
She watched Logan hand her a small box.
.
Her heart soared.
She knew that Logan knew her like no one else did.
.
Like no one else cared to.
.
Inside the box was something she didn’t even need.
.
He had gotten her driving courses.
.
She already had her drivers license for almost six months.
.
“I’m sorry kid, I just forgot.”
.
That was all the excuse he gave her.
.
A while later it was Jean Grey’s birthday.
.
He got Jean Grey tickets to her favorite play.
.
Dinner at her favorite resturant.
.
Rogue had been heart broken.
.
Until.
.
Until she had watched Jean hug Logan.
And tell him that her and Scott would have a wonderful evening thanks to him.
.
Rogue caught it.
.
The way that Logan faked a smile.
The way his arms hung limp when he hugged jean.
The way that his eyes clouded when he looked at Scott.
.
For years Rogue had been the kid that Logan forgot.
.
She always wanted to be the woman he remembered.
.
It was her 18th birthday.
.
She could almost taste the birthday cake.
.
Logan had promised to make up her last birthday to her.
.
He gave her a set of keys.
Told her he was taking her for a ride on his bike.
Going somewhere special.
.
That night after the birthday cake.
And the singing.
And buying cigarettes cause she could and not because she smoked.
And dancing until her feet hurt.
He took her out.
.
They drove up a huge hill.
The wind whipping her hair into her face.
At the top there was a spectacular view of the city.
.
It seemed like hours that they sat there on a rock and talked.
.
For the first time Logan told her his true feelings.
.
“Kid” he said.
.
“you ain’t a kid no more, you used to be that kid that tagged along with me. You were like my side kick. But Anna, you were the kid I always forgot about, the one kid that I tried my damnnest not to think about when I was gone. Some days I wonder if you’re the only reason why I’m here, you ain’t got anyone to take care of you, so I had to, and I’m sorry that you got the shitty care that I provided. But Anna somewhere in there you became this wonderful woman. A woman I will never forget.”
-
---
-----
Rogue held her breath as she waited for Logan to speak.
.
She knew he saw the same memories that she did.
.
“what rogue? What are you trying to tell me?”
.
She waited.
She didn’t want to say it.
Her eyes threatened to spill over with unshed tears before he finally spoke again.
.
“you don’t like me calling you kid cause I forgot about you when you were a kid?”
.
She nodded.
.
“or you don’t like me calling you kid cause you are trying to prove you are a woman, and you want me to prove to you all the ways you are a woman?”
.
She blushed hotly
.
She knew that he could see it.
Knew that he could see her embarrassment.
And then she realized that he could see the thoughts running through her head.
.
“tell me rogue, do you want me because you’re lonely?”
.
Her breath caught in her throat.
He was using this against her.
.
He was picking apart her mind and making short work of sorting things out.
.
“rogue, you’re not answering.”
His voice was rough.
“or did you want me because you thought you couldn’t kill me? Or did you just think that I was a man that could prove to you in all ways just how much of a woman you are?”
.
Her breath caught as she thought of something.
.
She knew how to prove it to him.
-
---
-----
There had once been a time where she was fragile.
.
Shortly after turning 18 she had heard of a cure.
.
She could have fixed her poison like skin.
.
Three weeks after taking the cure she was in her room with Bobby Drake.
.
She told him she wanted him to be her first.
.
She was lying.
.
But she knew she couldn’t have the man she wanted.
.
And she really liked bobby.
.
And she desperately wanted to be touched.
.
Bobby had kissed her so fiercely that it lit her skin ablaze
.
Then it was cold.
.
Everything was cold.
.
“rogue!”
.
Bobby had shoved her away and she could see the ice forming at the tips of her fingers.
.
She had sapped his powers.
.
The cure didn’t work.
.
For weeks rogue was a mess.
She had gone through so much to get the cure.
Had worked so hard to convince everyone around her this was the right choice.
.
No one came close to her.
.
They didn’t know if she could still control her powers.
.
No one touched her.
.
People even stopped in their tracks to let her by.
.
The sad part was that she could control her powers better then ever.
.
Some people looked at her like she was a pariah.
.
Others just held sympathy in their eyes.
.
She and bobby had broken up.
.
“Rogue” Bobby had said “I love you, but what we want and cant have is killing us both, every time I kiss you and have to pull away quick, I see it in your eyes, it takes a little bit of you away from me each and every time.”
.
He had stroked her hair and left before he could see her cry.
.
That was the last time she had been touched.
.
She was spiraling downwards into a pit of despair.
.
She wanted to scream.
.
She wanted to beg for even a handshake.
.
She was standing on the libraries balcony.
.
She was watching Jean and Scott.
.
Jean was reading a book on the grass, her feet placed in Scott’s lap.
.
Rogue watched as he grinned and began to tickle Jean’s bare feet.
.
That was when rogue lost it.
.
She was counting to ten.
.
Building her courage.
.
She took a deep breath.
.
She was ending it.
.
She was going to jump over that railing.
She was going to kiss that concrete.
.
She was ending it.
.
Eight.
.
Nine.
.
Ten.
.
“hey kiddo, I heard Bobby broke up with you”
.
Rogue took a step forward.
.
Rough calloused hands gently squeezed her shoulders.
.
Rogue mentally cursed herself.
Of all people to show up.
It was Logan.
Of all people to touch her.
It was Logan.
.
It was always Logan.
.
His hands were firm as he kneaded her shoulders.
.
She nearly melted.
.
She hadn’t had a back rub since before her powers had manifested.
.
It felt like heaven.
.
As his thumbs traced her shoulder blades she had a hard time keeping her balance.
.
Her eyes closed and she stayed still.
She was enjoying this too much.
.
“Anna you’re acting like you’ve never had a massage before.”
.
Her answer was murmured.
“been too long Logan, been too long since anyone’s even brushed against me.”
.
A soft growl was all the response that he gave.
.
His fingers trailed down either side of her spine.
.
She was in for it.
.
This was the first time that she had ached for Logan’s touch.
.
She never wanted this to end.
.
His hands were warm as they worked back up towards her shoulders.
.
“Logan how come you’re not scared of me?”
.
His hands had found her shoulders again.
His fingers trailed feather light down her arms.
When he reached her gloved fingertips he entwined his fingers with hers.
With his fingers linked with hers, he wrapped his arms around her.
His body encompassing her own.
His lips were so close to her ear as he spoke that it gave her goose bumps.
.
“because Anna, you’re my rogue, I’ve seen you at your best and at your worst, seen you happy, sad, angry, hungry, PMS-ing , wounded, heartbroken, crying and even once or twice in love, and you’ve never been scary. You Anna have always been beautiful.”
.
She was crying by the time she found her words.
.
“but Logan, you’re the only one that touches me, I need it and I crave it, I just wish you needed me as much as I needed you.”
.
“I do need you. But that is a story for another day. One day I will explain.”
-
---
-----
“Rogue!”
.
His voice was urgent now.
.
Her eyes blinked open and she waited for what seemed an eternity before he spoke again.
.
“stop it Rogue, I cant stand seeing this.”
.
She was finally getting to him.
.
She was getting what she wanted.
.
But she wasn’t getting what she needed.
.
She was past wanting Logan, she needed him.
.
She needed him.
.
She needed him like she needed to breathe.
.
Her entire life seemed to depend on him.
.
“Rogue, I cant mean that much to you, you cant let me.”
.
Great, she was crying now.
.
Crying over him again.
.
Again.
.
Again and again she cried over logan.
.
He broke her heart ever time he left her.
.
She always told him to come home to her.
She didn’t want him to just come back.
She wanted him to come back for her.
.
She needed him to come back for her.
.
One day he would realize just how much she loved him.
.
But would it be too late?
.
“Logan, I cant stand this anymore. I think I was better off in a coma, at least I could have you in my dreams.”
.
She stood and did the hardest thing she’d ever imagined.
.
She walked away.
.
Her bare feet crunched the dry leaves on the forest floor as she walked.
.
It was several minuets later when she heard it.
.
A howl.
.
So primal.
So angry.
So hurt.
.
It was Logan’s howl.
.
A long low pitiful sound.
It sounded like a wounded animal.
.
She staggered when she heard it.
.
It was like she could feel his pain.
.
When he howled again it was a much angrier sound.
.
She fell to her knees this time.
.
It felt like her chest was being ripped open.
.
She wanted to go to him.
She wanted to comfort him.
She wanted to kiss away his pain.
.
But she needed to walk away.
-
---
-----
Chapter six-
-
---
-----
It was already dark by the time he found his way back to the x-mansion.
.
His chest no longer hurt.
.
But he ached.
.
His body was stiff.
.
He hadn’t wanted to see everything inside of her mind.
.
He’d hated seeing how she longed for him.
.
He didn’t want to see how a little back rub had stirred her feelings so much.
.
She had been 18.
And so depressed she was going to try to commit suicide.
He had brought her back.
Given her back her life.
.
But now he knew he had caused so much more.
.
He had seen how his touch stirred her body.
.
Made her flesh come to life.
.
And damn himself he had enjoyed knowing that.
Reveled in the fact that he made her feel such things.
.
But he knew he couldn’t let her depend on him that much.
.
But this time, she had broken his heart.
.
She had left.
.
She had walked away.
.
And he realized she had taken his heart with her.
Taken all his hopes of keeping her too.
.
He had tried to protect her.
.
Tried to keep her innocent.
And safe.
.
But nothing could compare to this.
.
He retched again.
.
Nothing.
His body had purged everything hours ago.
If only he could purge his thoughts.
.
He caught her scent as soon as he entered into the mansion.
.
It was faded, hours old.
.
But he followed it still.
.
Straight to her room.
.
Her room smelled like tears.
But everything important was gone.
Every memento of him was notably absent as well.
He sighed looking at her pictures still hanging on the wall.
.
She had left her memories.
.
He followed her tear laced scent.
It led straight to his own room.
.
Sitting upon his bed was a box.
.
His dog tags sitting on top of the lid.
.
His chest felt like an elephant was sitting on it.
.
He knew what was in the box.
.
But he opened it anyways.
.
Inside lay every gift he had ever given her.
.
One particular thing caught his eye.
.
The ticket stub to Rent.
.
He was crying now.
.
Logan.
Was.
Crying.
.
He knew he had lost.
.
Knew she was gone.
.
And he knew that if he looked he wouldn’t find her.
.
She knew him too well.
She had seen inside his head so many times.
She knew how he worked.
Knew how to hide from him.
.
He took a deep breath and prayed.
.
Prayed in several languages.
And to several different deities.
Prayed to ones he had only heard of.
.
He prayed that he would not find one thing.
.
His hands shook as he began to take everything from the box.
.
“Goddamit anna!”
He cried out.
.
Her phone was sitting there.
Right there in the bottom of the box.
.
There was one new message.
.
He stared at it for a long time.
.
Finally he checked that damn message.
.
It was for him.
.
She said not to worry and that she would be safe.
.
And that she would come back one day.
.
That was all he could take.
.
“don’t come back to me”
.
He could hardly finish the sentence.
.
“come home to me Anna.”
-
---
-----
“Logan why don’t you just ask Xavier to locate her?”
.
It had been weeks.
Weeks since his precious Rogue left.
.
He had become a shell of himself.
.
Everyone wondered what was wrong with him.
.
Everyone except for Jean Grey.
.
She had asked him where rogue was.
.
When he didn’t tell her?
.
Well she took a look for herself.
.
She had braved his minds traps.
Just to find what had happened to the woman who had become like a younger sister to her.
.
She had not found everything.
.
But she saw enough.
Saw enough to encourage logan.
Whenever she got a chance.
.
“if you want her. Go get her. If you say she is yours. Then have her.”
.
Jean had been so patient with him.
.
Until today.
.
Today Jean had a rude wakening.
.
One of the students had found logan.
.
Deposited on the doorstep.
.
Bloodied and brusied.
.
He had taken all of this too hard.
.
And now every day he went out looking for a fight.
.
But this.
This was too far.
.
When a student found him.
.
That called for an intervention.
.
“Look Red, I aint gonna ask Charlie for help. I just gotta wait this out. And as much as you dissagree, I gotta do this. I gotta do it for her and I gotta do it for me.”
.
Jean was not happy.
.
Nor was she buying this story.
.
“really now, shes trying to put me in her place. I leave like this all the time. And she? Well she probably feels like this, feels like shes starving.”
.
“Logan you need to find her. You need to bring her back. We don’t even know if shes still alive. How can you go on not knowing? If I were you I wouldn’t have ever let her walk away.”
.
Logan stood up suddenly.
The cup of coffee he had been drinking was slammed onto the table.
His napkin thrown down with as much force as possisable.
.
“Jean you don’t know shit. You don’t know what it was like to see her like that. Youre a telepath, you ever look into scotts brain when hes trying to explain something? Well maybe it was like that. She was like dying to show me how she felt, how she ached to be touched. How she longed to have a man touch her like Scott touches you. And you know what? I could feel it too, I could feel how her body ached, could feel how desperately lonely she felt. And now I can still feel starving feeling. that’s how she felt every time I was gone Jean. She felt like she was starving, poor kid fed off of my affection. I was that womans everything. I was her world, and what did I do? I fucked her over Jean, I trampled over every inch of her soul. And how did I do that you ask? I tried to protect her, I tried to give her what I thought she deserved. But never once ever asked her what she wanted, what she needed. I was too selfish to even care. I was killing her Jean, I was ruining her. Shes a beautiful creature and I destroyed that. She wont be the same if she comes back. She knows that. I know that. You know that. What do I do now? Do I leave and hope that I can find her? She knows how to hide from me, hows how I look and where I will go. She knows me too well jean, so I gotta sit here and suffer, sit here like she used to and play the waiting game. I have to suffer, I have to sit here watching out the window waiting for her to come home and take this pain away. And most of all. I gotta hope that when she comes home. Shes still mine.”
-
---
-----
Chapter seven-
-
---
-----
It was dark.
.
The air was damp.
.
And there was a sad feeling.
.
It was almost as if the air was sad.
.
If the fog was the world crying.
.
There was a battle.
.
And logan was fighting.
He was fighting with every ounce of his being.
.
His claws tore through his enemeys.
.
They had no faces.
They were just ghosts.
Memories of wars long gone.
.
A bomb exploded.
.
And logan ran.
.
Logan ran for the mansion.
He was trying to save the students.
.
There was a war zone right in their back yard.
.
Mustard gas.
.
He could feel the burn in his lungs.
And he dropped heavily to the ground.
His body worthless untill his healing factor over came it all.
.
He watched the students fall.
They fell like the petals of a cherry blossom tree.
.
They floated to the ground so delicately.
.
Logan closed his eyes.
.
When he opened them he was alone.
.
The smell of the charred grass burned his nose.
.
He was wearing a suit.
.
And now he watched the x-men.
.
They were all wearing black.
And walking in a single file line.
They stopped right next to the garden.
Next to Rogues garden.
.
She loved that garden.
.
While Storm had been one to plant flowers.
.
Rogue had planted vegtables.
She had something growing for every season.
.
Every day she went out there and tended her plants.
.
Most days there was fresh fruits or vegtables from her garden on the kitchen table.
.
He remembered the year she grew grapes.
.
They never made it to the kitchen table.
.
She knew they were his favorite.
.
So every day she brought them to him.
.
He longed for a fresh grape now.
.
He made his way to the garden.
He searched the faces of the other x-men.
Every face he looked into had a sad pained expression.
.
Logan looked around.
.
that’s when he saw it.
.
It was a tombstone.
.
Hank spoke now.
“and this day we say our last good byes to Anna, she loved this garden, so we have laid her to rest in the one place she could always be found. Goodbye my friend. I will always remember your smile and your beautiful laugh. You were indeed a southern belle, but you will be remembered best as Our Rogue.”
.
Logan fell to his knees.
.
His rogue was gone.
.
Gone.
.
And there was no brining her back.
.
He howled.
.
And suddenly all the faces turned to him.
.
The bitter sadness was gone from each face.
Only anger replaced it.
They all looked at him like he was guilty.
.
It was jean who spoke now.
“I told you Logan, but no you just let her die. Watched her wither away and die.”
.
He could see the anger behind Jeans eyes.
.
He could see what was coming.
He just closed his eyes and waited.
.
They attacked.
.
Clawing, and scratching.
.
They were all just tearing him to pieces.
.
He deserved it.
He knew he did.
If he hurt her.
Well then this was only a portion of what he deserved.
.
Logan opened his eyes to feel his body healing.
.
The night had fallen.
.
The moon shifted from behind some clouds.
The moon shone right on that tombstone.
And logan couldn’t do anything but look.
.
He was crying again now.
.
His tears wetting the soil below his body.
.
His body shook as he did nothing but stare.
Stare at the final resting place of his rogue.
.
And he was helpless.
.
He felt movement underneath him.
.
He stood and ran his fingertips over the cold tombstone.
.
Cold.
.
Just as cold as his heart.
.
He should have taken her.
.
He should have kept her.
.
He knew she was his.
.
Yet he threw her away.
.
All because of what he deemed right for her.
All for his self proclaimed honor.
All because he thought he didn’t deserve her.
All because he was scared.
.
Movement caught his eyes.
.
Grape vines had sprouted up from the very ground he had just wet with his tears.
.
The vines snaked up his legs and begain to pull him down into the soil.
.
And then.
.
It was black.
There was nothing.
It was all over.
But he did not find peace.
-
---
-----
End Notes:
this was a dream sequence so im very sorry if it was confusing!
Chapter 8-
-
---
-----
Logan woke up screaming.
.
His lungs felt like they were on fire.
.
And his entire body ached.
.
He looked at the clock.
Four fifty seven in the morning.
.
“Well never too early to start the day”
Logan murmured to the still air of the room.
.
He stretched as he got up.
.
He wondered if Rogue stretched when she got up.
.
She used to.
.
And he cursed himself.
.
He hated that all he could think of was her.
She consumed all his waking thoughts.
And most of his dreams too.
.
With a deep breath he started his new morning routine.
.
First he checked his phone.
.
Then he brushed his teeth.
.
Then he checked his phone again.
.
Then he got dressed.
.
Then he checked his phone for the third and final time.
.
Then he went to check rogues room.
He knew she wouldn’t be there.
But he still checked several times a day.
.
He could see through the window in the hall.
.
It was storming outside.
.
His chest ached again.
.
He couldn’t comfort rogue from the storm if she wasent here.
.
His footsteps were silent as he made his way to her room.
.
He opened her door and stepped inside.
-
---
-----
Her scent assaulted him.
And he blinked to make sure he wasent seeing things.
But damnit there she was!
.
His very own angel in the flesh.
.
Curled up in her bed.
.
“Sugah’ its storming, you better grab that sheet and climb on in.”
.
Her voice was like music to his ears.
.
When he grabbed the sheet his heart soared.
.
He was used to this.
They used a sheet as a barrier between their bodies.
Just in case rogue couldn’t control her powers while she slept.
.
As he adjusted the covers rogue rolled over.
.
She watched him.
.
And suddenly he felt odd.
.
His palms were sweating.
He was more nervous then he had ever imagined.
And his stomach hurt.
.
Untill she smiled.
.
She lay there on her back.
Looking up at him.
Her hair framing her face.
.
She did look like an angel.
.
Like his angel.
.
He wished he had known she was here.
He could have showered before coming in.
At least put on a clean shirt.
.
So for now he slipped off his shirt.
Climbing into her bed in just his pajama pants.
.
Her body moved for his.
She slipped her arm around his sholders.
And she tilted so he could lay his head on her chest.
.
He longed to caress every inch of her skin.
.
But he knew he had to play by her rules.
.
It had been a long time that they lay like that.
.
Rogue just holding logan.
.
His eyelids were already heavy with sleep before he spoke.
“anna what does it feel like when I leave? When im gone?”
.
Her voice was so soft that hardly heard her.
But he strained to catch everything she said.
And some things that she never said.
.
“like ah am starving Logan, ah feel like something of me is missing, but ah always feel like it’s the best part. Like ah got nothing left when you’re gone.”
.
Logans arms tightened around her instinctively.
.
“Im sorry anna, for all the times I left. It will never happen again. Not like that.”
.
The sound of rouges laughter was like pouring lemon juice into a cut.
.
His heart ached and his chest burned.
.
And he wanted nothing more then to curl up into a ball and just die at that very moment.
.
“logan, do you know how many times ah have wished for you to say that?”
.
His stomach lurched.
.
He couldn’t take this anymore.
.
His arms loosened around her waist.
His body began to slip from the covers.
And he stood in the moonlight streaming in the window.
.
“I said I was sorry, I cant give you any more Rogue.”
.
He took a deep breath and bent down to retrive his shirt.
His fingers coiling around the worn cotton.
His eyes shutting as he braced himself to leave.
To leave this room and leave his angel.
.
It was clear that he was not wanted here.
-
---
-----
A bare palm caught his sholder.
.
He tensed.
.
He was ready for battle.
.
Soon another bare palm joined the first.
.
His breathing sped up.
.
He wanted her.
And he wanted her now.
.
Her tiny delicate hands begain to knead at his sholders.
.
And now he knew how she had felt.
.
His body sang for her.
His flesh seeming to come alive with her touch.
Goosebumps raising on his arms as she ran her nails down his back.
.
He was completely at her mercy.
.
His breath caught in his throat as she begain to trace a scar upon his back.
.
“lift up your arms.”
.
He didn’t even have to think about it.
He lifted his arms resting his palms upon his head.
And if he could have purred he would.
He would have purred as her hands gently ran up his ribs.
.
He realized something.
.
He knew exactly how she felt.
.
He longed for touch.
.
Never before had a woman taken the time to explore his flesh.
Never before had a woman cared to know every inch of his skin.
Never before had he been so content, with so little.
.
And he wanted her.
.
He wanted her more then ever.
.
He wanted her right now.
.
He wanted to just take her.
To have her.
To watch her squirm and writhe underneath him.
He wanted to memorize every inch of her pale flesh.
To kiss every scar.
And worship every beauty mark.
.
He had to control himself.
.
He could feel him loosing control.
He wanted her and he had to have her.
It was killing him.
He needed her.
.
But he knew if he let himself get out of control.
.
Well he could hurt her.
Knew he would take her and have her.
If she were willing or not.
.
And he couldn’t do that to his angel.
.
She was his.
.
But only if she wanted to be.
.
Both of her arms were wrapped around him now.
He could feel the cool silk of her night gown trapped against his back.
.
Her hands were playing over the muscles of his chest and stomach.
Causing his body to react to her in ways he couldn’t control.
He tried to calm his breathing.
.
It wasent working.
.
A shiver ran through him as her lips found his neck.
Her lips leaving a trail of soft wet kisses down to his sholder.
.
His body stirred.
.
It was like she lit him on fire.
And the shaky breath he let out did nothing but encourage her.
Her lips moved to the other side of his neck.
Trailing another path to his sholder.
His body had been set ablaze.
.
It was now or never.
.
“Rogue, you gotta stop, I wont be able to control myself if you don’t.”
.
He felt her body stiffen against his.
And he closed his eyes.
He had hurt her.
He knew it.
.
In only a second she had pulled away from him.
He heard her settle heavily back into her mattress.
.
He felt cold.
He missed the warmth of her body pressed against his.
And the longer she was away the more he ached for her.
.
“you should just go logan.”
Her voice was soft and almost sad sounding.
“Ah shouldn’t have invited you in, ah knew this would happen. Hell ah shoulda never came back.”
.
He bit his lip.
And he stayed just standing there.
.
“Ah knew it cause ah know how you are, but Ah kept telling myself that you would show me wrong. Ah kept wishing that you would take me, you would have me.”
.
His chest ached again.
He felt like he was dying.
Felt like he was empty.
.
“ah don’t blame you Logan, ah know you love me, ah know you want me to be safe, and you don’t wanna ever hurt me. So now you wont have to.”
.
His voice was shallow and cracked.
It sounded so far away when he finally spoke.
“what do you mean Anna?”
.
“Logan, Ah wont be here in the morning. don’t bother looking for me, ah ain’t commin’ back.”
-
---
-----
Chapter nine-
-
---
-----
Logan was currently in Rogues room.
.
He had upset her.
.
Again.
.
His back was to her as he spoke.
“Anna, tell me, what do you really want?”
.
He listened to her sigh.
.
How he hated that sound.
.
He heard her move around a bit rustling in the sheets.
.
“Ah want you at’ touch me Logan, touch me, take me, have me. Ah am leaving tomorrow and never coming back its not like you would hav’ ta’ live with what you did.”
.
His body bristled.
.
He didn’t want her to leave
.
“Anna, I want a straight answer, and I want it now.”
.
He took her silence as a good thing for once.
.
“I want you to tell me what I have to do to get you to stay.”
.
He waited.
And waited.
And waited even longer.
.
Then the rustle of the sheets.
.
Her tiny hand slipped into his.
And she pulled his arm to turn him around.
Ever so slowly he turned until he took her in.
.
The moons light streamed in the window behind her.
The light illuminating her like a beautiful pure white aura sourrounded her.
Her hair was tousled from sleep.
She looked at him like he was the most important person in the entire universe.
And he watched as her plush pink lips parted to speak.
.
“Logan, you should know, ah shouldn’t have to tell you what ah really want.”
.
He reached out with his free hand to cup her cheek.
He tilted her head back.
He watched as she closed her eyes.
.
He could hear her pulse speed up.
.
“Anna, I want you to tell me, I don’t want to guess, I don’t want to do whats right. I want you to tell me what you want, tell me what you need, and I need, desperately need you to tell me what I need to do to keep you here with me.”
.
He could see her eyes move under her closed lids.
.
He could smell her anxiety.
.
Her hand slipped from his.
And her face pulled away from his hand.
.
He didn’t know why he did it.
But his hand slid back to tangle into her hair.
He pulled her head back roughly as he pulled her to him.
His face was inches from her when he spoke.
.
“Tell me Rogue, tell me what you need.”
.
Her breath fluttered over his face.
.
She was shaking.
.
She was scared.
He could feel it.
He could smell it.
And he wanted it.
.
When she didn’t answer he pulled her hair just a bit more.
.
He knew she had to be uncomfortable.
.
But her comfort be damned.
He was not about to just let her walk away.
.
She was his god-dammit!
-
---
-----
“Logan”
.
Her voice was shaky.
But at least she was talking.
.
“Logan ah want you, Ah wanna touch you. Ah want you ta’ take me and show me how a man loves a woman. Ah want you ta’ show me everything.”
.
She had more to say.
He could see it in her eyes.
.
But her hands tentatively reached out and touched his hips.
He took a deep breath.
He only had to control him self for a little while.
.
“and Ah need yoah love Logan, Ah need you not ta’ walk away. Ah need you Logan, how else you want me ta’ tell you. Ah don’t need you to marry me, ta’ make a honest woman outta me. Ah just need ta’ be yours”
.
Logan sighed.
.
She sure was asking a lot of him.
.
“Kid you know I cant give you all that, you're asking me to let you inside, I cant subject you to that.”
.
Tears welled up in her big beautiful eyes before she spoke.
“did you know, every night Ah have the same dream, ah dream that there is a war here, and you is trying to save meh, people is dying left and right and you cant get to me. Ah die and they have a funeral, they bury me next to my garden, then, then they attack you.”
.
His chest tightened.
But he waited for her to go on.
.
“And all you can do is silently mourn me, the seasons change and youre still lying there. Then one day when you finally get the strength ta’ stand. The grapes, they take you down into the ground, they take you to me. But im dead so I cant touch you.”
.
She was crying harder now.
.
The mornings first rays of sunlight began to light her room.
.
And that ethereal angelic quality the moonlight had added was gone.
The grey of the dawn made the entire room look sad.
Rogues face looked so hollow.
.
Her eyes looked so empty.
Like someone had extinguished her life's light.
.
“I had that same dream last night.”
.
There was something about that knowledge that just clicked for him.
It was like she was finally in his head.
Maybe that bonding she had done when she stole emmas powers had kept them linked just a little bit.
.
“Anna think you can keep up with me? Youre gonna have to be patient cause I cant change who I am, not for any woman. You gotta handle the fact that im an animal, I may hurt you sometimes on accident.”
.
“Ah can Logan.”
.
His body stirred.
He knew now that she was his.
And he was going to have her.
.
“but you gotta know this now anna, you let me have you, and im never gonna stop wanting you. Ive got a bloodlust when I fight, and this, well this is just as bad.”
.
She giggled.
.
He didn’t know if this was good.
.
Or bad.
.
“so the almighty wolverine is a sex god with an insatiable appetite?”
.
And all his stirring stopped.
.
He didn’t know what to say.
.
It was like she was poking fun at his very manhood.
.
“As long as you understand that ah am a delicate young woman, one who bruises easily. Ah am gonna be stealing your healing a lot.”
.
She grinned.
She grinned like she was the damn Cheshire cat.
.
And that made him happy.
.
The sadness was gone from her eyes.
.
“rogue, youre mine. Aint no doubt about that.”
.
Her face lit up like she just seen Santa on Christmas morning.
.
And he just had to wipe that grin off of her face.
.
He tightened his grip in her hair.
And his other hand found its way to the small of her back.
In a second he had her pressed against him.
His mouth was hot on hers.
Her lips were soft.
And cool.
.
His mouth explored hers.
.
And she writhed against him.
.
It was now or never.
.
He pulled away from her roughly.
Her eyes flying open as she gasped to catch her breath.
.
“are you gonna agree kid? Or do I have to sway your thoughts?”
.
She moved faster then he thought she could.
Her hands were hot on his skin.
Greedy hands.
Touching all that she could.
Her fingertips trailing over his stomach.
.
As the breath caught in his throat she spoke.
.
“Ah am yours logan, and Ah promise Ah am not as fragile as you think.”
.
Then those roaming hands pulled him into the bed with her.
-
---
-----
End Notes:
and this is where the story leaves off on the other site, I have yet to make a conclusion to either but will post one there sooner or later... as far as this one goes... im gonna keep writing till I think ive had my fill.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.