This Time Decide by Snooboostoo
Summary: This is me sort of showing the angst in Bobby and Rogue relationship.
Categories: X2 Characters: None
Genres: Angst
Tags: None
Warnings: None
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: 637 Read: 1398 Published: 03/23/2009 Updated: 03/23/2009
Story Notes:
I wrote this after listening to Tori Amos's "Sweet Sangria." Beta: JJ (who I owe a lot because without her my stuff would be unreadable).

1. This Time Decide by Snooboostoo

This Time Decide by Snooboostoo
"Tell me, tell me, tell me. Why does someone have to, have to,
have to lose?" --Tori Amos "Sweet Sangria"




He is the man who will never stay; he is the man endlessly chasing after everyone but me, the man who could never love me. He is the reason fathers buy shotguns and mothers take their daughter to the local clinic. He is the dark tortured soul that every girl tries to fix, only to find him forever scarred. He is a heartbreak waiting to happen and he may not even ever see me as more than that little girl, but if and when he does I will drop you in a heartbeat.

You, the hopeless romantic that holds my hands so carefully as we walk. You, the sweet gorgeous boy with the soft kisses and the endless patience. You are the marrying kind. You are the man my mother would smile over and feed cookies to and my father would trade sports glories with. But they are the same people who tossed me out as soon as I was discovered to be anything but normal, so what do they know about what is good for me? What do they know of my heart? Why should I want you more? You, who make me the envy of everyone else with your endless kind of love.

If I know this then tell me why I am standing so easily here before you, breaking your heart with every breath I take. This is one point of view I have never wanted to see, the broken pieces of my self- indulgence, of my self-destruction. So many times I have been the one to give you the light in your eyes and sent the corner of your mouth into a sweet little smile.

But now I stand here with your heart in my lying hand, begging your forgiveness. I am before you dirtying my knees begging for all that I have thrown so carelessly away.

Can't you see how this is killing me? Scream, yell at me. Name me the whore of Babylon. Anything but this, this coldhearted silence and those broken eyes. That look, that look is destroying me.

If it were up to me I would love you with all of my heart and never look back. But it's not up to me. I cannot forget the way he looks at me and the way his laughter stops my heart. I am weak and I am a fool. I could not stop his touch or even forget the taste of the salt on his skin. I did not push his hands away as they trailed up my legs or even quiet my whimper as I heard your footsteps up the stairs. Or even the little thrill that was sent through my body at the idea of being caught.

Maybe it is my curse to want only that which is forbidden for me to have. Or maybe I need you now only after - after he has run so far and so fast in the other direction. Is this why I need you so now? Maybe that is why my hands are now placating before you, begging forgiveness that I do not deserve. And you will give it all.

You will give until there is no more to give and I will take it all and I will almost love you for it. I will ruin you, I know this. So why can't I stop? Run please, I am too weak to stop the need for the sugar in your kiss and your forgiving touch. Decide to toss aside this train wreck and find another. Because I am poison and I am killing you, slowly breaking you apart.

Forgive me, you are my sin and in this moment you lose.
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