The men in my life always abandon me.

I experienced this first with my father and then with my first kiss. Not that I blamed him though. If I could have run away after all that had happened I would have. John left me to be with the man who nearly killed me. Logan left, but he is back, for how long, is up in the air right now. But with all that has happened it seems to be only a whisper away.

Bobby is here but he is already left me. Our kiss scared him, my power scared him. My poisoned skin has poisoned him against me and there is nothing I can do but wait. He is cautious around me now, hesitant in his touch. He is a good man though and he will never leave me, physically.

But he has already left me. He has left me holding the shell of what we were, of what we had. The warmth the Iceman had for me has gone leaving me with only obligation and duty. I hate being pitied like this. I hate what he has made me by staying here with me this way. But I can't ask him to go, for him to leave me completely. And I hate myself for being so weak.

So that's why when Logan leaves I will do nothing.

I love Logan, but I will say nothing as he walks out of those doors and out of my life once again. He is all I have left and he is leaving me.

Logan is leaving me soon I can see it in his every movement. I can see it in his eyes that wander from mine to the horizon. I see it in the ever so tense muscles of his neck and back, preparing, searching for an exit from it all. I can see it in his movements that are small and calculating.

I love Logan, but I can forget. I forgot for a short time thanks to Bobby, but now I will forget thanks to the pause in Logan's voice and the brevity of his answers. Because he is leaving me again, after I thought he would stay. I was a fool for believing something he never promised and I never asked. A fool falling deeper and deeper being lulled to him by the warmth of his embrace and the promise he did make that he never should have. I am forgetting.

I am forgetting his eyes, his smile, and the soft brush of his hand. I am forgetting what I thought he was, what he was, and what he is. Soon I will forget it all. Soon he will only be a shadow of the past. A shadow of what ifs.

I will not have his stay with me just to end up like Bobby.

So that is why now, when I see him at the door, with his bags, I say nothing. I just wait in the shadows watching him leave me. Logan won't let it be that simple. He picks up on my scent and turns to be giving me that oh so famous `deer in headlights' look murmuring, "hey kid."

I can't stop myself from replying, "You're running again." He smiles at our private joke but stops once he notices that I am not. Immediately I regret not playing along in this old tired ritual as he moves closer to me to explain.

"I have to know. I am so close to it all, I just need to know," he whispers softly but I don't listen. His sweet breath warms my face and clouding my mind as he lets his fingers have their way with the white strains of hair that frame my face.

My stomach wrenches in pain from the stifled words I am holding back, from the force of everything I want to tell him. All the words that might keep him here to die behind a forced smile. He places another promise into the palm of my hand.

"You know how this goes," he tells me awkwardly, shutting my fingers around the gift. I nod not trusting my own voice to keep my confidence and wrap my arms around him one last time.

He must have noticed something wrong with me in the way I held him or the quickness to my breath because he pulls back a little trying to puzzle out the problem through my face.

Quietly I put his gift back into the pocket of his jacket unnoticed. I have no use for reminders of this loss and as the door closes behind him I crumble. All the words I had wished to say streamed down my face and fall to the floor.

I now begin the process of forgetting.