The nightmares started coming a few days after he left.

She knew they were his nightmares, but that knowledge was not enough to keep them from returning the next night and all the nights after.

She thought she was going to go mad... but then she'd remember that he'd been living with the same nightmares for over fifteen years, and she would resolve yet again to be strong.

After a year and a half, they stopped coming every night. Then they stopped coming every week. She was smart enough to be grateful when she only had the nightmares once or twice a month. At the same time, she couldn't help feeling sad because she'd lost a bit more of Logan...

And then Remy arrived at the mansion. Ororo had met him in town, and recognized him as a mutant. Even though he hinted at his shady past, he wanted to join the X-Men and it wasn't too difficult for Ororo to convince the rest of the team to admit him.

He was a handsome sweet-talker and quickly won the hearts of many of the females residing at the mansion. But it was Rogue he noticed, and any spare time from X-Men business was spent trying to get Rogue to notice him back.

At first, she refused his charms, not understanding why anyone would want to pursue a relationship with her when she literally couldn't be touched. Remy was persistent, though, and it was just a matter of time before he found a place in her heart.

A few months after she'd met Remy, she started dreaming. Silly dreams where he would scoop her up in her arms, hold her tight, and they would kiss until she woke up in the morning.

But the nightmares still came.

They were always the same. Confusion, fear and pain accompanied the images of the lab, convincing her that she was the test subject, not Logan.

She must cry out when things got intense because sometimes, when she opened her eyes, Remy would be at her side, carefully stroking her hair and murmuring in French.

Once, she tried to describe what she saw in the nightmares to him, but he couldn't understand. The next time she started to tell him about her nightmares, he told her to hush and go back to sleep, which was just as well because she didn't really want to share the frightening images in her head with anyone.

Tonight, what she saw terrified her more than Logan's nightmares ever would again.

When she'd broken free of her nightmare and found Remy beside her, all she could do was gasp, "Get Jean an' the Professor."

Fortunately, Remy recognized the urgency in her words and left quickly to wake the two telepaths.

As she tried to remember what she'd seen in her dream, she hoped it was just that - a dream, and that none of it were true. But the pain had been so real this time and she was so sure...

Rogue was absentmindedly pulling her gloves on when Remy returned. Behind him, the Professor, Jean, and a dishevelled Scott crowded into her room.

Before anyone asked, she blurted out, "Ah had a nightmare. I saw Logan an' he was hurt. Dyin' even!"

Jean stepped forward and sat on the bed.

"Are you sure?" she asked gently, concern in her eyes.

She knew about the nightmares. Rogue still carried Logan's memories and they were enough to manifest in the form of nightmares. They were probably the same ones Logan himself suffered from.

But they were nightmares and that was it. Rogue certainly didn't have a direct link with Logan, did she?

The Professor interrupted Jean's thoughts with his observation. "She believes in what she saw."

Rogue nodded quickly and the words spilled out in a jumble. "Ah do! Ah saw him; Ah know Ah did. He's callin' out for help but he's alone an' he's in so much pain. Ah know it sounds crazy but Ah can feel what he's feelin'. There's so much blood an' he thinks he's dyin'. We have to find him!"

She started crying and Remy came to her side to wipe at her tears with his handkerchief. She tried to smile up at him; he looked so worried for her.

The Professor quietly told Jean and Scott to get ready to leave, and the two X-Men nodded, slipping out of the room.

In a louder voice, the Professor said, "Rogue, I will use Cerebro to locate Logan. Scott and Jean will go to him and bring him back."

"Ah want to go with them," Rogue tried to say firmly, but even she could hear the desperation in her voice.

The Professor shook his head. "No, Rogue, you need to stay here. You're still shaken..."

She knew what he wasn't saying; she would only get in the way if she tagged along. That was the last thing she wanted to do.

"Ok, Ah'll stay here," she said softly.

As the Professor wheeled out of the room, Remy assured her, "They will find him, chere."

He wrapped his arms around her and she buried her head into his chest, praying he was right.

---

hold on
hold on to yourself
for this is gonna hurt like hell

hold on
hold on to yourself
you know that only time can tell

what is it in me that refuses to believe
this isn't easier than the real thing~

~ "Hold On" ~ Sarah McLachlan


Rogue walked into the lab and quietly shut the door behind her. She knew she had some time; Scott and Jean were in town, and Ororo and the Professor had classes to teach.

She went straight to the body lying on the makeshift bed. Machines hummed and blinked around her.

He was covered with a blanket, but she knew he was still heavily bandaged.

She slowly placed a gloved hand on his cheek as her first teardrop spilled over.

"Oh Logan," she whispered.

He looked so calm and peaceful, but she knew he was really fighting to stay alive.

Jean and Scott had found him just as Rogue had described; he was barely alive. He was lying unconscious under the rubble of what used to be an old mine. He had been attacked and left for dead. They found wounds all over his body in spite of his healing ability. If they hadn't gotten to him sooner...

That was five days ago. Five of the longest days Rogue had ever known.

They had only let her see him once since they brought him in.

They thought it would only hurt her to see him this way.

Dying.

No. She didn't believe them.

The part of Logan she had carried with her ever since he saved her life had faded away over the years he had left the mansion. She thought she had lost him forever, buried him in the back of her mind... But it had all come back the moment she had that terrible nightmare five nights ago. Little pieces of Logan were once again floating around in her head and it was such torture because he was back, but not really; it was all in her mind.

And everyday, his presence grew stronger and stronger. She would be so sure that the Logan lying in the lab would wake up soon, but every time she went to check on him, there seemed to be no change in his condition.

He was going to wake up. It was just a matter of time.

And when he opened his eyes, she wanted to be the first person he saw.

She had to keep coming down to see him. But only when no one was around.

Jean had caught her once, sitting quietly beside Logan in the lab. Rogue had ended up being steered into the Rec room and joining the table tennis tournament going on.

If only it were that easy to get her mind off of Logan. They didn't understand. She wasn't a kid anymore; that had all changed after the incident with Magneto...

She didn't need them worrying about her. So she pretended to be fine, but she obviously wasn't doing a good job because everyone was trying to cheer her up.

Kitty and Jubilee took her shopping, and made her try on every cute outfit they saw. They even bought her the miniskirt she'd been secretly eyeing. When she protested, they threw in a new pair of stockings, informing her that she would have no excuse not to wear the miniskirt now.

Ororo talked her into going flying with her one night. As they hovered between the twinkling stars above and the bright city lights below, all Rogue could think about was how much she wished she were sharing the view with Logan...

She and Bobby went horseback riding almost every afternoon until yesterday. She was tired and she'd foolishly rested a cheek against her horse's neck. At least the horse had reacted instantly, but he practically threw her off.

Then there was Remy.

She'd never told him about Logan, and now was certainly not the time to ask, but he could easily tell how much Logan meant to her. Unlike the others, he seemed to understand why Rogue went down to the lab, and he didn't stop her.

That didn't mean he hadn't been trying to keep her occupied for the past five days. He took her out for lunch. They went to the park. Then he took her out for dinner. They even went to the movies to catch the new romantic comedy she insisted on seeing, hoping he would refuse and back down.

Even now, she was supposed to meet him and Jubilee in the Danger Room for training.

She and Jubilee weren't official X-Men yet, but they were learning to use their mutant powers with the help of the team. The Danger Room's simulations were the perfect way to practise. Scott was sure they would be joining the team soon enough.

Wiping away her tears with the back of her glove, Rogue said softly, "Come back to me, Logan. Ah need you."

She rose to her feet and made her way to the Danger Room.

---

Jean Grey sat at her desk in the lab, trying to study Logan's med charts. As much as she wanted to find a way to revive the man lying unconscious on the other side of the room, she could not concentrate.

She kept thinking about Rogue, the one mutant who had always struggled to fit in at Xavier's. Because of her particular mutant power, Rogue was used to being withdrawn. Rogue kept her thoughts and feelings to herself, under layers the same way she covered her deadly skin under layers of clothes. She had been left behind at the mansion three years ago when Logan went off to look for his past. She hid her depression well; she almost fooled the Professor.

He could not see how he could change her feelings about Logan; instead, he tried to build up her confidence. The Professor realized the potential of Rogue's power, and it was important that she learned to embrace it. The young mutant had a difficult time accepting her mutant ability, in spite of lengthy sessions with the Professor. Jean wasn't sure if Rogue ever would come around, but the Professor would always remind her to believe in hope.

The accident happened a year and a half later.

A deranged Ms. Marvel had infiltrated the mansion. The alarms had gone off, and everyone was running around, searching for the intruder. In the midst of the chaos, Ms. Marvel had faced Rogue, and made the mistake of touching her skin. The X-Men never found out what she was looking for at the mansion, only that she was being controlled by a powerful telepath. The mysterious telepath had cut off the connection the moment that Ms. Marvel came into contact with Rogue, and the double assault was deadly.

Ms. Marvel's body died that night, but her mutant powers were transferred to Rogue, who permanently gained superhuman strength and the ability to fly. Soon, it was apparent that Rogue had also absorbed Ms. Marvel's mind. Rogue fought desperately to keep Ms. Marvel from taking over. The Professor had to intervene, and after a night of pain and anguish on both their parts, he had helped Rogue contain Ms. Marvel deep within her mind. Rogue was herself once again.

The only setback was that Rogue had no memory of Ms. Marvel at all. It was the only way to prevent Ms. Marvel from getting free and taking over again. The Professor had to change Rogue's memories until she couldn't remember how she got her two new mutant powers. Rogue recovered as well as could be expected, and she and the Professor continued their sessions, this time, focusing on ways to control her powers.

Later, Remy had arrived at the mansion, coming into Rogue's life, even if she resisted him at first. It didn't take a telepath to tell that Remy cared about Rogue. Scott, who had always secretly regarded Rogue as a younger sister, confided to Jean that maybe, it was finally time they stopped worrying about her. Jean agreed with him... until five days ago.

When they brought Logan in, he was barely breathing. Rogue had broken down right there in the lab, and went hysterical when Ororo tried to take her away. Eventually, she'd calmed down and fallen asleep, allowing Scott to carry her to her room.

The next morning, it was decided that Rogue would not be allowed to go to the lab while Logan stayed there. It had been Scott's idea, and even though it seemed harsh, Jean could understand his reasoning. He thought he was doing what was best for Rogue, saving her by not allowing her to see Logan.

Of course, Rogue had ignored Scott's wishes, and after lunch, Jean had found her sitting in the lab, watching Logan forlornly. Jean felt terrible as she pulled Rogue away from the lab, leading her to the Rec room to join the other students.

Jean had underestimated Rogue's attachment to Logan, and she decided to disregard Scott's orders. She was the only one who went to the lab anyway. As long as she didn't see Rogue in the lab, she didn't have to remove her. If she sensed Rogue in the lab, she'd simply keep away until Rogue left. So, yes, Jean did know about the secret visits to the lab when no one was around.

There was no sense in depriving Rogue of the one thing she wanted, which was to visit Logan... five times a day.

Ok, so maybe that wasn't healthy...

A soft groan from the back of the lab interrupted Jean's thoughts. She rushed to Logan's side to find him in the process of regaining consciousness. The wave of relief she felt was put on hold as the doctor in her went to work to ensure that Logan stayed awake.

"Logan...?" She ventured, clicking on her mini flashlight.

If she weren't so worried for him at the moment, Jean would have been hiding a smile. Logan's unfocused eyes were blinking under the white light of her flashlight and the look of helpless confusion on his face was priceless.

Logan groaned again as he tried to sit up, and mumbled, "Jean... Where is she?"

---

"Rogue! Watch out!!!"

Rogue had barely heard Jubilee's shrill warning before she was shoved aside by Gambit.

She watched blankly as the Cajun pulled a handful of playing cards out of his trenchcoat and threw them at the Sentinel that was coming their way. The simulated robot burst into smithereens, filling the air with smoke. Rogue coughed as Gambit helped her back up.

"Chere, you alright?" Gambit asked, his voice full of concern.

"What? Oh, Ah'm fahn, shugah. Don't worry 'bout me."

Rogue cursed herself as her accent slipped out the way it always did when she was nervous or scared. Now, it was a dead giveaway that she was lying.

She wasn't fine. A moment ago, she was smashing Sentinels with Jubilee and Gambit in the Danger Room, when suddenly, she was overcome with confusion. She didn't know where she was, what she was doing. All she could think of was Logan, wondering whether he had regained consciousness. Everything had felt so strange until Gambit spoke to her, pulling her back into herself.

Having found her bearings once again, she didn't want to worry Gambit. She leaped into the air before he could question her again.

"Now, if you don't mind, Ah've got some things to take care of down there," she announced, gesturing at the blasters on the wall at the other end of the room.

"Rogue!"

She ignored Gambit's call and floated up to the computer generated blasters mounted on the wall. The weapons were motion activated, set to fire on anything that moved. Before they could turn and target her, she had easily snapped all five of them in half.

Rogue was brushing herself off when she felt a slight prickling run through her body. She swore that she was being watched, and it wasn't Jubilee or Gambit; they had their hands full dealing with the Sentinels on the ground.

They were running a regular program for a standard training session. The Danger Room had been transformed into a "warehouse" with fully automated Sentinels and weapons. The threat level was a moderate 5.0, so neither the Professor nor Scott needed to supervise from the Control Room.

But someone was watching her.

"Logan?" Rogue murmured as she hovered in the air, oblivious to the buzzing noise behind her.

There was a sudden explosion above her head, catching her unaware and throwing her from the air.

Rogue landed in a pile of wooden crates. She could hear Gambit yell in the distance.

A low hum emanated from the walls as the computer recognized Gambit's command to freeze the simulation.

"Ah'm ok!" she called out weakly as she struggled to get up.

When Jubilee and Gambit found her, she had already forced herself onto her feet.

"Hey girl, that was a nasty fall. Are you sure you're ok?" asked Jubilee, regarding Rogue's visible wincing.

Gambit reached out to steady Rogue and she leaned against him carefully.

"You're scaring me, petite," he said quietly. "What's come over you? I've never seen you so unfocused during a training session."

Rogue closed her eyes as she scrambled for an excuse.

"Ah'm sorry, Remy. Ah'm feeling tired, that's all. If it's alright with you and Jubilee, can we call it a day?"

It was the first thing she came up with, and she hoped it would be enough.

She tried to look as innocent as she sounded.

"Of course, chere..."

"I don't mind, Rogue. We can train another day," Jubilee piped in, interrupting Gambit.

Rogue flashed her friend a look of gratitude, and Jubilee looked back at her, not quite understanding.

"Ah'll be in my room then," she said a bit more confidently.

"Let me help you," Gambit started, as he followed her out of the Danger Room and into the narrow hallway.

Rogue shook her head, "No really, Ah can make it by myself."

"Chere..."

She pressed the button for the elevator at the end of the hallway before turning around to face him one last time.

"Ah know what you're going to say; we have reservations for dinner tonight, but how about you take Jubilee instead? Ah need some space tonight."

That stopped Gambit in his tracks, and Rogue took the opportunity to make her escape just as the elevator door opened.