Wolverine was having a very pleasant dream - one he most likely shouldn't've been having seeing as it entailed a very naked Marie and an equally naked him, but hey - it was his dream and he couldn't stop his subconcious anyway...

"Oh My Gawd! I LOVE what you've done with your backyard!"

The harsh nasel voice of his new neighbours friend cut through his dream, waking him up.

"So uh.. Janice... how nice of you to drop by..Oh and what nice..um... what are these again?"

"Rhodendendrons. They'd look good next to your ferns."

"And Oh My GAWD! Isn't Jack the cutest!"

"Um... Janice... Thats Erica."

Rolling onto his side, Logan debated going out there and kicking some ass. A voice like this - Jancice -had should NEVER be foisted upon any population in the world. Not even Magneto should have to deal with this chick. Then the worst started.

"Oh - O.K. Chandler... So I was watching the news -and they had an expo on the X-Men. That Wolver-wolf guy is so HOT. Like OH My GAWD! So I got your kiddies this little tape that they were selling - all the proceeds go of course to help little freak kids in need right? - and its got this song - "If you -AAA!"

Apparently no one had warned the new neighbors that most of the Middle Salem subburb was full of mutants. Making a mental note to thank 'Ro for zapping that nosiy bitch, he started to go back to sleep.

*****
Next Day
*****

"If yoo wike Wol-we-ween cwap yoo hands! If yoo wike Wol-we-ween cwap yoo hands! If yoo wike him an' yoo know it, an' reawy wanna show it - cwap yoo hands!"

Christ in crotchless blue panties ridding a seatless bycycle! Logan KNEW he shouldn't've consented to that song... But Marie had just batted her big brown eyes at him and of COURSE he melted. And who knew he was going to have to listen to it everyday when he was back at the Mansion? It's why he had moved out.... that and to get away from the sight of Remy and Marie all schmoopy on the couch.

Turning up the hockey game in hopes of drowing out the sounds of a couple toddlers mangeling what was in the first place a poor excuse of a song, Logan took another gulp of his beer.

While he had been able to tune out the children's singing apparently Jubilee couldn't. The sputtering *pafft* follwed by the scent of burnign plastic -probably the cassette player - and then the high pitched wails of two small children did reach Logan. Making another mental note - Get Jubilee a new discman, she's a good kid - Logan emptied and subsequently crushed his beer can.

*****
Next Day
*****

Blessed Silence.

*****
Next Day
*****

*KNOCKKNOCK*

The pounding on Logan's door, woke him from yet another pleasent dream - this time he was gutting Remy and playing cat's craddle with his intestines. Getting up and shuffling towards the door while scratching his hairy stomach, then yanking the door open uncaring that he was giving those on the otherside of it a floor show he grunted.

"Whaddya want?"

Looking down at the Girl Scout who had just passed out - probably from shock, maybe hormones; who knew who cared? - Logan bent down to pick up three boxes of Thin Mints. Tucking a twenty into the kid's hand he slamed the door shut, then stomped off to munch on the sweets. Hey - chocolate didn't just work for women.

*****
Next Day
*****

*RingRing*

Yanking the phone off it's craddel he grunted into the mouth piece, "Wolverine. What the fuck you want bub?"

"Logan - *sniffle* Remy cheated on me!"

"I'll be there in a sec."

*****
One Hour Later...
*****

Remy - now in the Medlab due to his need to get a busted testicle removed, was out of the picture.

Grinning to himself, as Marie packed her bags to stay at his house until she 'calmed down', Logan knew he still had one box of Thin Mints left - hopefully it'd be enough to get Marie soothed and into his bed.... Hey - guys give chicks chocolate for one reason, and one reason only...

*****
Next Day
*****

Heard at Chandler and Monica's house....

"OH MY GAWD! LOOOOOGAAAN!"

"Well - at least it's not Janice."

"How could that NOT be Janice, Chandler?"

"She says 'OH my OUCH! Not right THERE!' everytime we did it...."

The End