Everybody saw me bolting out from the rec room. Everybody saw me running after Logan, like a desperate teenager that I was. Everybody saw how he tried clumsily handle the situation. Everybody saw him practically fleeing from me, getting out of the door faster than it should have been possible for a man of his physique.


Nobody saw me sneaking out through the kitchen door.

Nobody saw me climbing on Scott’s bike.

Nobody saw us, me and Logan, driving along the driveway and opening the front gates.

Nobody saw us.


For a while we just drove around. Just an ordinary couple, enjoying the last rays of the autumn sun. Wind on my hair and face was cold, but it didn’t matter. I knew it must have been even colder for Logan. I knew it would be hell of a lot colder at where he was heading later, so I bit my lip and took it. I let the coldness seep through my skin. I welcomed it, held the doors open for it and let it settle in, make a nest.


I knew he was doing the same.

I knew it from the tense posture of his shoulders.

I knew it from the setting of his jaw.

I knew it.


We were both cold by the time we reached the gates of the mansion again. Good and ready for the long winter.


“It’ll take a while before I’ll get back.”
“I know.”
“I won’t be calling you.”
“Yeah.”
“I’m not much of a writer.”
“Really?”
“Yeah… So. Anything you got to say, you better spit it out now.”
“Nah. I think it can wait until you get back.”
“Okay… Take care, kid.”
“You too, big guy.”

----------------------------------------------------------

Everybody saw me running through the hallways. Everybody saw me discarding the boy they had thought to be the man for me. Everybody saw how I held Logan, and how he held me. Everybody saw us greeting each other like long lost friends. Everybody saw Logan dismissing me as soon as Jean came around.


Nobody saw me sneaking through the kitchen door later that day.

Nobody saw me climbing on Scott’s bike.

Nobody saw us, me and Logan, driving along the driveway and opening the front gates.

Nobody saw us.


For a long while we just drove around. The weather was getting warmer already. Ground was warm and dry, small clouds of dust rose from the pavement to chase after us. I took it all in, opened the doors for the spring, let it cleanse out ice and frost. Let it find a home in me.


I knew he was doing the same.

I knew it from the relaxed way his muscles shifted under his jackets.

I knew it from the way he let the warm breeze embrace him while we drove.

I knew it.


We were both ready for the spring, long and warm season that were to follow by the time we reached the gates of the mansion again.


“I didn’t miss you, kid.”
“I didn’t miss you.”
“And now?”
“…”
“I miss you.”
“But I’m right here!”
“Yeah. Doesn’t matter.”
“…”
“You’re too far away.”
“What do you mean?”

----------------------------------------------------------

Everybody saw us parting in front of the garage. Everybody saw me walking slowly towards the front door of the mansion. Everybody saw Logan carting Scott’s bike in. Everybody saw him walking slowly round the mansion and entering to a small gazebo at the furthest corner of the back garden.


Nobody saw me sneaking out through the window of my room.

Nobody saw me all flustered and flushed.

Nobody saw how nervous I was.

Nobody saw me kissing Logan in the gazebo.


We just held each other. It felt good. His lips on mine thawed the last traces of the frost from me. His hands held me so close that I could feel the warmth of his skin through our clothes. We had to be careful, each kiss a stolen moment of bliss.


I knew they wouldn’t approve.

I knew it long before.

I knew it from the moment we accepted their invitation.

We both knew it, but it really didn’t matter.