Title: Under Thingies

Rating: PG13

Category: Humor

Disclaimer Wolverine and Rogue and all the x men belong to Stan Lee, Marvel Entertainment, and 20th Century Fox.
I own nothing – I just borrow them but I always give them back!

~~~

“Oh for heavens sake Logan it’s just a pair of knickers.”

“But!”

“But what?”

“They’re so..........they’re..........”

“Lets get this over and done with shall we, they’re so what exactly?”

“Small.”

“Small, that’s the best you could come up with?”

“Well they’re not just small, they’re practically non bloody existent.”

“And this is a problem why?”

“Not a problem exactly..........it’s just..........oh hell Marie, what’s the point? You might as well advertise the fact that you’re wearin’ nothin’.”

“And it would be a problem if I was wearin’ nothin’?”

“Marie!”

“What? You wear nothin’.”

“That’s not the point..........and how do you know I don’t wear anythin’?”

“You don’t though do you?”

“No, but how did you know?”

“Logan sugar, it’s usually women that worry about V.P.L. but your jeans don’t exactly leave room for much doubt in that department.”

“What the fuck is V.P.L. and why are you noticing my department?”

“Visible panty line Logan, you know, when the outline of what your wearin’ underneath can be seen through whatever your wearin’ over the top, we women don’t like that, it ruins the look of your clothes. I thought you knew that, aint that why you don’t wear any underwear?”

“No it flippin’ well aint, I don’t give a shit about what I look like or whatever you call it V.L.P. or V.P.L. or whatnot and neither should you. I do it cause it’s..........cause it’s..........well I just do but I aint you and you should be wearin’..........I don’t know, just somethin’. And you aint answered my question, what are you doing noticing my department? I know Drake probably aint got nothin’ worth noticin’ but that ain’t the point, you shouldn’t be noticing mine.”

“Oh don’t be shy Logan, you sure as hell aint got nothin’ to be ashamed of..........”

“I aint ashamed of it!”

“It’s just a bit hard..........”

“Marie!”

“Stop interrupting! It’s just a bit hard not to notice Logan, you’re..........well let’s just say the world and his wife notices your department. It’s a bit too big to go unnoticed!”

“We’ll I aim to please darlin’..........”

“I’m damn sure you would sugar.”

“Stop that.”

“What?”

“The sugar and the eyes and the hip thing.”

“What hip thing Logan? And what about my eyes, don’t you like them?”

“The stickin’ out the hip thing and your eyes are beautiful darlin’ just stop doin’ that thing and distracting me.”

“Didn’t know I was distractin’ Logan, I’ll take that as a compliment sugar.”

“You do that, just..........stop ok..........you keep changing the subject.”

“You want to go back to discussing the size of my knickers?”

“Yes!.......... I mean No!..........just..........you need to cover yourself up Marie. Women should not go around wearing two bits of string claiming them to be adequate undergarments.”

“You don’t like them? They’re black; I thought that was your favorite colour?”

“That’s beside the point, yes I like black, but there’s not enough of them to really notice, I doubt it would make much difference what bloody colour they were and no I don’t like them.”

“Liar!”

“No I’m not, men like..........I’m not telling you what men like Marie, just get some bigger ones.”

“So you’re trying to tell me that men like granny panties is that it?”

“Not granny panties, just something a bit more substantial. They can be lacy, men like lacy, just bigger, covering more of your, you know..........bits.”

“Have you forgotten sugar that I have a number of men rattling around in my head?”

“No, and again with the sugar thing Marie.”

“A number of men Logan, none of which are veering on the side of big panties, one in particular in fact who right at this minute is drooling over the two bits of string version.”

“Well don’t listen to him.”

“Oh there are some times when he’s a complete ass right enough and I do ignore him but I kinda think he knows what he’s talking about when it comes to what he likes in the panty department seein’ as I have some rather graphic pictures of him with women wearing said bits of string. I also know that right now he’s wantin’ to see me in nothin’ but those kind of panties.”

“Well he’s a perv then........... What are these ones?”

“Logan you can’t just go through everyone’s washing!..........They’re Jean’s by the way.”

“Jean’s!?”

“Yep.”

“Well they’re a bit big, we've gone from one extreem to another. I aint suggestin’ you go this far.”

“I should hope not, I don’t need to hold it all in.”

“Huh?”

“See that big panel in the front there?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s to hold your stomach in, so it’s looks flatter than it is.”

“So what happens when you take them off?”

“It all falls back out again!”

“Oh.”

“Dissapointed?”

“No, it’s just..........yuck.”

“Exactly. It’s called vanity sugar, happens to us all eventually, things stick out, begin to droop as gravity takes effect, you know that old saying 'never judge a book by it’s cover' – well don’t, you never know what lies beyond! And they make bra’s that do the same.”

“Bras that hold you in?”

“Well they can hold em in, hold em up, push em together, push em out, and some that claim to do all of that at the same time.”

“Fuckin’ hell.”

“Better than kissin’ on a damp cloud sugar!”

“Huh?”

“A Fuck in Hell is better than kissin’ on a damp cloud.”

“Marie!..........God I actually feel sorry for Scott. He spends all day with one woman and goes to bed with another.”

“Well while I don’t need any of that I’m gonna make the most of it.”

“Marie?”

“What?”

“You know If Drake wants to see you..........If he’s pushing you..........If he’s..........Oh hell you know I’ll kill him if you want me to right?

“I know sugar.”

“Remember what we said about the sugar thing and the hip thing and the eye thing and definitely the checking out of my department thing?”

“Sorry sugar, I mean Logan, but we’re standing in the laundry room talking about me and my lack of knickers and your standing over there looking all..........hard.”

“Oh god.”

“Oh he wont help you sugar, I know you’re thinkin’ about me in my nice little black panties, I know your lovin’ the idea that there’s not much too them, I also know you don’t really want me to trade up to bikinis or minis or hipsters or high legs and you definitely don’t want to see any kind of full briefs covering up my curves.”

“They sell that many types for women? Never mind, irrelevant information that I do not need to know. Marie darlin’ I do not wanna be imaginin’ you in any kind of under thingies, and neither should Drake, you keep your under bits covered with a decent amount of whatever under thingies are not string and if Drake don’t like it, well he shouldn’t be looking and you send him to me.”

“This has nothing to do with Bobby.”

“It doesn’t?”

“No sugar.”

“Then who’s the ass in your head?”

“I’ll give you one more guess.”

“Oh god.”

“Told you he aint gonna help you sugar.”

“Marie what are you doing?..........fuck!”

“I got two pairs Logan; I thought you could just reserve your final judgment until you’ve seen what they look like on, you know, get the full effect.”

“Oh sweet Jesus.”

“That good huh?”

“Just forget everything I said..........Does it come with matching bra?”

The end.

Feedback always welcome!