’ve never been one to readily admit defeat but I have had no other choice at times.

Scott and I have been together for years off and on, and there have been more than one really bad fight between us. Thankfully no one here at the mansion has ever discovered the facts of our little ‘relationship’.. I don’t think I could ever explain how unhealthy its been.

Both Scott had I were involved with others when we first got together, and over the years we’ve both used other people to get our sexual needs met and prove some rather stupid points. This time though things were a little more complicated. This time we were dealing with two people who had no idea what was happening.

When Logan and Rogue first arrived Scott and I were going through some really bad times. We may have been living together, sharing the same bed but there was this distance between us that had been steadily growing for some time. It had been months since we’d done anymore than fumble through the motions in the dark.

I have to say I allowed my attraction to Logan to overshadow my attraction to Scott. There have been more than one faux pas concerning those two, times when I’ve almost slipped and called out Logan’s name when I’m with Scott.

Needless to say I didn’t disabuse Logan of his propensities to flirt with me, instead I encouraged them and rubbed it into Scott’s face. Scott of course made a token protest, but the fact remains that he was more inclined to flirt with Rogue than pay attention to Logan’s actions - more as a way of getting to me than anything else.

That started a whole new set of problems, ones that Scott and I are still dealing with. See Rogue didn’t take too kindly to being flirted with, especially since the Logan in her mind kept telling her she belonged to him. Maybe if things hadn’t happened the way they did between them it wouldn’t have been so bad but they did and we will never know what Rogue was like without Logan within her mind.

I still shudder when I think of the confrontation that occurred a month after Logan headed up to Alkali Lake. Scott and I had been getting into bed, me with my medical journal and Scott with the notes from the latest mission. The fury that soaked the room didn’t really bother me, Scott had been more than a little pissed off at me all day so I merely attributed that emotional upheaval to him.


The door opening and slamming shut had both of us glancing up to see a furious Rogue standing glaring at us. Needless to say, talking to her didn’t help, and Scott’s attempts at calming her down only intensified her rage until I knew for a fact that it was Logan who had control.

Needless to say, twenty minutes later, one black eye, a busted lip, and a trashed bedroom were the result of Scott’s attempts at flirtation and my tolerance of Logan’s actions. A shared glance later and I was huddled in the blankets waiting for another shot of Logan’s temper.

It took a week for her to simmer down enough to actually carry on a conversation with and two months before she didn’t growl at us. Of course a month later Logan showed back up and we got round two of the Rogue/Logan temper tantrums. They lasted for weeks, before climaxing in a brutal attack that left me with a broken arm and a serious case of fear.

I was in my lab working on some tests I’d run on Logan when Rogue came in and stood glaring at me. Her arms were crossed over her chest, her toes tapping angrily, and a dark, untamed look in her eyes. I later found out that she’d touched Logan for a few seconds and discovered his memory of my uh attempt at getting Logan into my bed.

I’d thoroughly enjoyed teasing him while I’d taken some blood samples and even given him a few none too subtle hints that I’d be interested in a little more than a blind grope in the supply closet - not that I’d gotten that. For whatever reason Logan had looked at me steadily shrugged and told me that he was taken. I’d merely looked at him, shrugged, offered him a sexy little pout and told him nobody would ever know - for which he’d laughed in my face and asked if I was finished with the sample taking.

After that I kept one eye open for Rogue, and the other for Logan. Why Logan you ask? Simple. See when Rogue attacked me I wasn’t overly careful about where I hit her - in fact we had a no holds barred, take-what-you-get-kinda-fight that resulted in her getting a few bruises and a sprained wrist. Logan came down hard on both Scott and I for it. He knocked Scott across the lab cause he said he didn’t hit women and he slammed me against the wall and used the claws to intimidate.

So both Scott and I took to watching the other’s back to avoid getting blind sided by an attack by the mansion’s pseudo couple. The longer it went on the closer Scott and I got until we actually sat down and talked about the problems we’d had, the ones we felt were so bad that we couldn’t deal with them and eventually we fell back in love.

I guess you could say that we owe Rogue and Logan seriously for what they did for us. After all if it hadn’t been for them we wouldn’t have tried to deal with the issues we had and we’d have lost out on the amazing relationship we have now. Of course it took time, I mean it didn’t happen over night. Matter of fact it was nearly three years before Scott and I were actually trying to work together to keep us afloat.


Being happy with Scott I began watching Logan and Rogue’s interaction and noticed several things. First of all they were attached at the hip, you didn’t see one without the other at any given time. Both were happy, they worshiped each other in a way that was healthier than anything I’d ever seen before but there was something off.

There was love, trust, and faith between them so much that it surprised me that they weren’t married or living together or something. Instead they were best friends who slept in the same bed but didn’t engage in sex at all. Then it hit me, Logan may be a lot of things, asshole, crude, feral even, but when it came to Rogue he was like any other man in love. Rogue was the center of his universe and he would do anything to keep her attached to him even forcing himself to ignore the sexual tension between them.

Of course by then I was deliriously happy with Scott and decided that both Logan and Rogue should be as happy. We tried nearly everything to get them to move past whatever blocks they had from telling little white lies to using other people to make them jealous - with disastrous results.

When Rogue heard a rumor that Logan was sleeping with a pretty brunette that lived at the mansion she shut down emotionally. Two days after she’d heard the rumor she ran again, and Logan being Logan ran after her. I’m still not sure about the details but it was nearly three months before they came back. I was tempted to try and find them but something held me back - I guess it was self preservation.

When they got back everyone noticed the way Rogue kept a careful distance between herself and Logan. So much so that one of the new residents, a crazy Cajun hit on her a few times. It was a bad omen, and like watching a ticking time bomb we all knew sooner or later it was bound to blow.

And it did, Rogue and Logan got into a huge fight - it took Charles months to complete the repairs to the upper floor that Logan trashed before he took off again. The slam of that door echoed in the entire mansion and Rogue fell apart.

It was like watching a cracked mirror shatter, one little piece goes then another until they all fall freely to the floor - only with Rogue it was so much more dangerous. Remy tried to console her and she turned on him, nearly hurt him in her anger. I can still hear the sobs in my head at night as Rogue lay locked within her own misery, her own pain.

It took Charles over a year to get her back to joining in with life at the mansion, but even I could see it was merely a shell that was doing it. It was like a part of her had died that nobody could replace, nobody could find and I was worried.

So worried in fact that I went to her, tried to talk to her. That was useless. She sat by the window and listened while I talked before turning to look at me with this cold, emotionless look in her eyes and told me - quote end quote “Fuck you Red.”


The minute those words left her mouth I knew what was wrong. Logan in her mind had retreated behind a wall that she couldn’t breach. In trying to get them together we’d drove them apart and it was my fault. That night I snuck into Charles’s office and went through his address book, his files, anything I thought that would give me a clue to where Logan was. I’d almost given up when I saw the stick-it note that was taped to a bound leather journal. Picking it up I read it carefully before setting it down. A moment later the copied address firmly in hand I went looking for Scott.

That was a week ago, now I’m sitting in a dingy little bar in the middle of nowhere wrapped in more layers of clothing than any normal woman should and watching Logan beat the shit out of some stupid redneck. Every blow, every move is meant as a punishment to the Cajun, to Scott, to any man dumb enough to flirt with Rogue - including himself. I’ve watched him for three nights now flirt with some woman at the bar but leave alone. No matter how much he flirts, or how much he needs release he goes back to his room alone.

I guess its because he loves her, because he knows it will never be anything but cheap and dirty with anyone but Rogue. Or maybe he just realizes that he needs more than a one night stand can give him.

“Don’t you have someone else’s life to fuck up,” the low, angry snarl makes me jump and I glance upwards to stare at Wolverine.

“Actually I um came to straighten out one,” I reply steadily, hoping against hope he doesn’t pick up on my unease.

The short, harsh bark of laughter sends chills through me and I barely contain my shudder, this man is living agony. There was a time when I thought nothing could hurt him, that he was invincible but he’s not, as trite as it sounds Logan’s as human as we are.

“Yeah tell it to someone who’ll believe you,” he replies and growls out his order for a beer. It doesn’t take me but two seconds to see the blonde bimbo who’d been watching him earlier making her way toward him.

“Rogue needs you,” I start only to get a glare that has me backing up a step.

“Don’t know anyone named Rogue,” Logan growls and downs his beer in one swallow before dropping the empty bottle back on the bar. “Don’t want to either.”

I watch him in amazement as he sidles past me, ignores the blonde and heads for the door. With a half a heartbeat between us I glare the blonde into submission and hurry after Logan. Catching sight of him as he heads for the parked motorcycle I race after him and stop panting next to the bike.

A thought stops him from turning the key and I stare at him for a few seconds, “Yes you do. You know her and you love her.”

“Fuck off Red, I don’t need your advice or anything else you’ve got to offer. Just leave me to hell alone.”

“No,” I can feel his anger, and his pain but more than that I can feel the desperation flowing through him. I won’t let him forget her, forget everything but the need to pulverize someone to make himself pay for loving her. “I can’t.”

“Sure you can. You’re good at it. You’ve been ignoring the men around you for a long time, just pretend I’m like anyone else.”

*She’s not around Logan. Rogue left us again.* I hope its enough to create a pause within him. “Please Logan just hear me out then I’ll leave you alone.”

With an angry snarl Logan shrugs and glances at the hotel a few meters up the street. I nod and climb on behind him. A moment later we’re parked in front of the motel and I’m following him into his room.

“You got two minutes,” Logan growls as he flips on the television to a hockey game.

“Look whatever happened when she ran it wasn’t enough of a reason to shut yourself off from her.”

“You’re talkin’ to the wrong one there,” Logan snarled as he dug out a beer from the small fridge in the room. “I went after her.”

“Look Remy’s a asshole, but he was just flirting.”

“You’re down to one minute.”

I swallow harshly and sighed, staring at my feet as I wonder if this is the right thing to do. “She needs you. Whatever happened, whatever was said or done doesn’t matter anymore. Rogue loves you.”

“Tell me something I don’t know,” Logan muttered under his breath as he twisted his beer in his hand.

“You hid from her you know, in her head. With you gone its like she’s just going through the motions, acting the way she thinks we want her to. Charles spent a very long time just getting her out of her bedroom and she still hides most of the time.”

“It’s her choice,” Logan replied indifferently as he glanced away from me, but not before I caught the pain in his gaze, the longing. “She made it, not me.”

“She’s hurting Logan.”

“So what? Do you think I give a flying fuck about some runaway that hitched a ride? No. She’s not worth a damn thing to me. What’s she good for? Sure ain’t fuckable, now get the hell out! Get out and stay out!”

The coldness in his tone told me more than anything that Logan was painfully aware of the self-induced misery his statement had caused, aware of the agony he’d endure for it. Just as he was aware of the agony he was going through now.

“What happened Logan? When she ran the first time, what happened? Did she sleep with someone else?”

“No!” Logan glared at me, his claws coming out a few inches.

“Did you sleep with her?”

“None of your business,” Logan paled but didn’t back down.

Nodding as realization dawned I stared at him, “You didn’t do anything wrong Logan, she’s loved you as long as you’ve loved her. It was always going to be you.”

The short, brutal steps that took him to the door stopped me as he jerked it open and glared at me, “Get out.”

“If you don’t love her, if you can’t forgive her for loving you,” I inhaled slowly before stepping toward the door. “Then let her go. Call her and tell her she’s free. Don’t keep her guessing about this or that. She deserves to be happy same as you do.”

“She’s got what she wanted,” Logan replied softly before closing the door in my face leaving me standing on a landing staring at peeling paint.

Turning I walk back to Scott and I’s room before slipping inside and walking to the phone.

“No luck?”

“He loves her,” I reply softly. “And he’s killing himself emotionally because he knows he can’t do it physically.”

Picking up the phone I dial a familiar number and listen as ‘Ro picks it up. After a moment I know something’s wrong by what she’s not saying.

“What happened Storm? Did we get attacked?” I question anxiously.

“No,” Storm’s voice holds pain and confusion. “Rogue had a little accident.”

“What sort of accident?” I whisper painfully, my throat closing tightly.

“She uh fell out the window of the fourth floor.”

“Is she okay?”

“Hank’s got her stabilized but it’s a struggle. She keeps slipping further away from him despite the fact that she’s not losing blood..”

“I know what’s wrong,” I whisper and hang up the phone as I drop to the edge of the bed.

“What happened?” Scott demands wrapping an arm around my shoulders and holding on steadily.

“Its Rogue, she’s uh she’s dying.”

“What? How? Why?”

“Storm said she fell out the fourth floor window, but I don’t think she fell,” I whisper looking at Scott through the tears in my eyes. “Without Logan in her life a part of her died. She um she’s not responding too well to treatment.”

“Get Logan,” Scott growled out as he made short work of gathering what few things we’d brought with us. “The damn fool can help her regardless..”

“Scott,” I wait for a moment until he turns to me. “It wasn’t an accident.”

“What the hell does that mean?” There’s shock and horror in his voice.

“I think she jumped. She died a long time ago Scott, her body’s merely catching up..”

“Go and get Logan,” Scott snaps at me and turns back to gathering out things.

With a sad sigh I turn and reach for the door handle only to find myself staring at Logan’s chest with a mixture of horror and elation. Swallowing I back up a step as he comes into the room and snarls at me.

“Leaving town so soon?” the low, silky tone only adds to my fear.

“Rogue’s hurt,” Scott shoots back without flinching. “And she’s not responding to treatment.”

“So I hear,” Logan’s cold indifference shakes the foundation of my control and I want to rant and rave at him, want to draw blood instead of ice.

“Look you may not give a damn about her,” Scott starts standing up straight and staring at Logan. “But you can damn well help her. She’s just a confused kid..”

“She’s a grown woman. She doesn’t need you to tell her when she can die. If this is what she wants..”


“Its not,” I whisper and swallow. “She has nightmares you know, and they are so potent, so powerful that they keep her from sleeping. She fears sleep because in her nightmares all she knows is that you’re gone. You’ve left and you aren’t coming back. It doesn’t help that you’ve retreated from her mind behind a wall you won’t let her climb!”

“She’s the one that made that choice! Not me!” Logan yells at me. “You think I want to be here? You think I wanted to lose everything? I didn’t, I don’t. But she’s the one that told me to get out. That she wanted something she couldn’t get from me..”

“She lied,” I shrug slowly. “Please Logan. Just come back and help her. Please. She’s just a kid trying to escape her own nightmares.”

With a sad shake of his head Logan looks at both Scott and I and sighs, “Fine. It won’t do a bit of good but I’ll come back.”

The tension in the Blackbird was so thick the entire time we were flying home that I’m surprised we didn’t all choke. Keeping one eye on Logan, I noticed his posture get more and more rigid the closer to the mansion we got.

After we got back to the mansion he headed directly to the medlab, ignoring me and Scott completely as we followed a little more slowly. I raised an eyebrow when Hank came out of the medlab and the door closed but didn’t say a word.

Leaning against the wall I waited, impatiently for what seemed like hours. I’m not entirely sure what I was waiting for, a scream from her, a roar from him, a crash of expensive medical equipment falling apart something, anything that would give me a clue to what was happening. There was nothing. No loud emotional outbursts, no damage and as the minutes dragged by my worry turned to curiosity to unease and I started for the doors.

I don’t know what I was expecting when I walked into the room but it wasn’t what I saw. Logan sat on the floor with Rogue curled up on his lap sobbing softly as she held onto him. The pain on Logan’s face was almost a living, breathing thing as I stood there.

Opening my mind for a surface scan I sighed softly and focused. The relief they both felt was so intense, so malleably that it brought a tear to my eyes and I slipped soundlessly from the room. I’m not sure what will happen now but whatever it is I’m determined not to interfere at all.


Epilogue

Damn I hate this hair cut, it makes my hair too short to put up, but it looked sexy and cute as hell when I got it done. Oh well, I guess we can’t have everything all the time. You know in the past year I’ve seen a lot of things happen the biggest of course was two days after we brought Logan back both he and Rogue ran again - story of their lives let me tell you.


At first I was concerned, thought it to be a bad thing but then as time pasted I began to realize it wasn’t. They needed time to deal with their emotions, with the reality that they could have what they wanted.

The simple fact is that as much as I don’t like the fact that they keep running, I’m damn proud of the way they always come back. This last time they came back Rogue was wearing a ring and glowing from her pregnancy. Logan even pulled me aside one night and said thank you. When I asked him for what he looked at me and smiled and told me something I was shocked to hear.

“For giving me back my life,” were his exact words. “For giving me my future.”

Of course Charles insisted they do something to celebrate their wedding and Logan had shrugged and said whatever. Needless to say we’re doing an anniversary party tonight which will be fun because tonight everyone will get to meet Laughlin Summers Logan who was born yesterday.

Even now I can feel the happiness that radiates from their room and it helps to ease the burdens on my soul. It took a half starved runaway, a ruthless cage-brawler, and the love they felt for each other to teach me that Scott and I are worth whatever we have to do to keep it together.

You see Rogue and Logan’s love humbles me, and lifts me at the same time. It taught me that sometimes you have to walk through hell to get to heaven - and for once I’m not inclined to change that.