There are some things he wishes he didn’t remember and there are some things he can never forget. But he’d come away with one certainty from all this:

Bobby Drake hated change.

At one point in his life, he was all for it. He’d even laughed when Professor X gave a lecture on change and how to cope with with the stress it caused. Because, after all, the biggest changes he was looking forward to were graduation, college and a little black leather outfit that’d proclaim him part of the team known as the X-Men.

That was then, of course. B.L. Before Logan.

The rational side of him knew it wasn’t Logan’s fault. In fact, he had a lot to thank Logan for, namely the very attractive young woman known as Rogue, currently his girlfriend. If Logan hadn’t come into his life, Rogue probably wouldn’t have either. That doesn’t make him wish that maybe they’d come into his life at different times.

Of course, he really hadn’t paid any attention to Logan the first time the guy showed up at the mansion. Bobby couldn’t even remember if he’d seen the man Jubilee had referred to as “tall, dark and hairy-some” except on the day Logan was walking out of the mansion doors. Even then, he hadn’t paid too much attention, all right, he was in the middle of a foosball game and Rogue smacked him on the arm and ran off to say goodbye.

And that, as they say, was that.

And then Logan came back from wherever he’d gone and everything in Bobby’s life went to hell.

Again, he knew that Logan wasn’t responsible for any of it, well, most of it. He just happened to come back to the school and interrupted the first time Bobby was going to kiss Rogue. That was a coincidence. A sort of an ominous one, if he looked back on it but Bobby tried not to dwell. It wasn’t really in his nature.

But there were certain things that were supposed to happen in his life and this sure as hell wasn’t the way things were supposed to be.

Logan returned and Bobby had to watch Rogue, his girlfriend, throw her arms around him. A little sick voice piped up with the comment that he’d never seen Rogue look quite as happy as she did when she saw Logan. So he’d butted in on their reunion and froze Logan’s hand.

He’d meant for that to happen, a little warning – stay away from my girl or else. Logan just gave him the kind of look that people reserved for, well, reserved for other people who weren’t really a threat. And Rogue just stood there, with this goofy smile on her face. Not for him, oh no, that smile was directed at tall, dark and hairy-some.

Bobby wasn’t supposed to have a rival for Rogue. All right, he knew John kinda liked her, despite what John said; a guy always knows when another guy likes his girl. And he’d seen the way John sometimes looked at Rogue. It didn’t mean anything because Rogue never looked at John the way she looked at him.

But he’d never seen the way that Rogue looked at Logan. Kinda the way Logan looked at Dr. Grey. And Bobby took some comfort in knowing as long as Logan had the hots for Dr. Grey, there wouldn’t be any way he’d turn his attention to Rogue.

Before Logan, Bobby thought of the school as a safe place. Again, it wasn’t Logan’s fault that Stryker and his men attacked the mansion the very night that Logan returned. And Bobby knew he ought to be thankful for Logan for killing those people, making sure that he, Rogue and John were safe. But he’d never had to watch someone die before and never, ever expected to see Logan killing people, especially not in the halls of the school and certainly not in the kitchen, right in front of him.

There were other things that weren’t supposed to happen that did, in less than a handful of days after Logan returned. His family wasn’t supposed to look at him in horror when he showed them his gift. They weren’t supposed to stare at him or his girlfriend or his best friend, or even Logan, like they were some sort of freaks. His family wasn’t supposed to talk to him like he was gay, for god’s sake. “Have you tried not being a mutant?” It was the same fucking thing and they should’ve known; people can’t change the way they’re born. And Bobby hated that he’d been so complacent when Rogue had told him about her parents, how they’d shut her out of their lives when her gift surfaced. He’d been smug in the fact that his family would never do anything like that but they’d proved him just as shallow-minded and unfair as Rogue’s when they called the police.

John wasn’t supposed to leave. Bobby admitted to himself that John’s defection hurt almost as much as his family’s betrayal. He still couldn’t think about it without his chest tying up in knots. They’d been friends for years. Best friends. Their powers complemented each other. John wasn’t supposed to go over to the bad guys. They were supposed to be a team and fight together. They were supposed to be the ones kicking the asses of people like Magneto and Mystique. John wasn’t supposed to be on their side, he was supposed to be on Bobby’s. He was supposed to be there to watch Bobby’s back and Bobby was going to watch his.

Bobby wasn’t sure what he’d do the next time he saw John. Somehow, he knew it wasn’t over between them. It made him sick to his stomach but he couldn’t help but think about it. They’d practiced together. They knew each other’s weaknesses and strengths. When it came time, he’d be the one who’d have to take John down. And that was something he’d never even thought would be a possibility, B.L.

And then there was Dr. Grey. She wasn’t supposed to die. That was another thing. That was a huge thing, even though he really didn’t know Dr. Grey well. She was the one you got sent to when you broke an arm or needed stitches and she was the one who gave the sex talk. Man, that’d been embarrassing. Bobby remembered all the guys squirming in their seats, watching Dr. Grey roll a condom down a banana. John had complained later of having a hard-on watching her do it. Bobby kept his mouth shut but he’d had the same problem. He’d be willing to bet every guy in the class had felt the same way. And then he remembered she was a telepath and oh, god, that made it that much worse.

But Dr. Grey was cool. She’d smile in the halls and remembered your name and made you feel like you really counted.

And now she was dead.

Bobby hated seeing Mr. Summers walking around looking like he’d been gutted but he couldn’t think of anything to say or do. He thought maybe he ought to tell Mr. Summers about Dr. Grey and her classroom full of horny students but he just couldn’t get the nerve to do it. Rogue, on the other hand, had gone up to him and sat with him on the steps one day. Later, she said she told Mr. Summers about what it was like, having Logan in her head and how she’d found herself hitting on Dr. Grey. Rogue had blushed when she was telling Bobby and he’d thought it was cute. And he remembered that Mr. Summers had smiled and shook his head when he saw Rogue again later that week, like her story had really cheered him up.

“You could talk to him,” Rogue said, nudging Bobby with her shoulder while they were watching TV one Saturday afternoon. “He’d probably like to hear how all you guys were wanting Jean.”

And he noticed her slip on Dr. Grey’s name and realized it wasn’t the first time. He’d heard Rogue call Mr. Summers ‘Scott’ and Ms. Monroe ‘Storm’. And they let her. It was like that uniform. When they’d been at the White House, Rogue wore hers like it was her right to, even if Professor Xavier said, almost tiredly, that they shouldn’t get used to it. Bobby had just felt like he was standing there in a goofy suit but Professor X had practically introduced Rogue to the President.

Yes, Bobby Drake hated change. And he hated knowing certain things, like his girl had been out with Logan, riding behind him on a motorcycle. Rogue had mentioned it to him in the most off-hand way possible, telling him as she slid into the chair next to his at dinner that she wasn’t hungry ‘cause Logan had taken her into town and they’d eaten there. And Kitty had coughed and Jubilee pounded Kitty’s back and Rogue just looked at their friends like they were nuts.

But Bobby dredged up a smile and draped his arm around the back of Rogue’s chair because he wasn’t going to go forcing a change in the status quo. Not while Rogue was sitting next to him. Not even after seeing her and Logan ride up on that bike, the way she’d let him take her helmet off and ruffle her hair. The way she’d leaned into his touch, so trustingly. The way they’d hugged each other, like maybe they were both afraid the other one would suddenly disappear.

There’re certain things he’s not prepared to deal with yet. Not John’s defection or his family’s betrayal nor Dr. Grey’s death nor Rogue leaving him for Logan. He knows he can’t hide from it forever, knows he’ll have to actually deal with it instead of hiding it away and letting it fester.

But until then, Bobby Drake can hate the change.