If I fall along the way
pick me up and dust me off.
and if I get too tired to make it
be my breath so I can walk

He's back and I have never felt better. He's been here for two weeks and we have spent every minute we could together. I missed him so much that now that he is back I don't want to be away from him for fear that he will leave again. He's promised that he won't, but I'm still scared. We haven't talked much about this connection that we have. I think we're scared too. Maybe if we talk about it we would lose it or it wouldn't be as special. I don't know. I'm just glad he's back so we can talk about everything or nothing. It doesn't matter. We're both just broken people. We are the only two that can understand each other. I know that sounds romanticized and everything, but it's the truth. We know each other inside and out. We share the same loneliness, the same need that can never be fulfilled and we understand that.

If I need some other love
give me more than I can stand
and when my smile gets old and faded
wait around I'll smile again

I think he thought when he first got back that I would be mad at him or something. A lot of what he did was very tentative. Like she was walking on glass or something. After a week of that though, I sat him down and forced him to listen to me as I explained how I felt. That I wasn't mad and that I understood. If he had to leave tomorrow I would understand. I wouldn't like it, but I wouldn't begrudge him it either. He promised me that night, though, that if he ever left again I was going with him. I cried when he said that.

shouldn't be so complicated
just hold me and then
just hold me again

He touches me. Not skin to skin or anything. Through my clothes, but it's still touching. He strokes my hair and holds my hand. No one else will do that. Even Bobby and Remy never tried to touch me more then a brief pat on a covered shoulder or something. Maybe I wouldn't let them, maybe they were scared or maybe it was a combination of both. I don't know. All I know is that Logan touches me and he isn't afraid.

can you help me I'm bent
I'm so scared that I'll never
get put back together
you're breaking me in
and this is how we will end
with you and me bent

While he was gone I didn't realize how truly lonely I felt. Sure I had people all around me, but it wasn't the same thing. Logan understands things about me that even I'm not sure about. He and I were talking the other day about the whole touch thing and how people just refuse to talk to me about it. Like if it isn't mentioned I don't think about it. Anyway, Logan brought up a great point that I hadn't thought about. One of the first things people are told about babies is that they need to be touched. You can talk to them all you want, but it's more important that you touch them. I didn't quite know where Logan was going with this idea till he explained how he thought that people probably figured that it wasn't as important for older people. But you're told to touch babies because they need the touch and can't get it. When you grow up it isn't that you need touch any less it is that you can seek it out yourself. It took me a few minutes to really get what he meant, but when I did I realized how much he really did know and understand me.

If I couldn't sleep could you sleep
could you paint me better off
could you sympathize with my needs
I know you think I need a lot

Bobby cornered me earlier today. He was being very mean. Accusing me of leading him on and the like. He wouldn't listen to me at all. He just ranted on and on about how I used him and Remy until Logan got back. That isn't true. I never used them. I told them that nothing would ever happen. That nothing ever could happen even if I wanted it, which I never did. He was just so mad.

I started out clean but I'm jaded
just phoning it in
just breaking the skin

I'm afraid to tell Logan about my talk with Bobby. Bobby's already tried to pick a fight with Logan more then once, but Logan has resisted because I asked him too. If he knew about this... But I don't want to lie to him either. We've both been lied to enough in our lives. Maybe I'll talk to Jean or the Professor about it. See what they say.

start bending me
It's never enough
I feel all your pieces
start bending me
Keep bending me until I'm completely broken in

Logan is taking me out to dinner tonight. To an actual restaurant. I haven't been to a restaurant since, well, my trip north. I even went shopping to get something new to wear. Jubilee and Kitty went with me and we bonded over dresses. He'll be here soon. I hope everything goes okay. I'm a little nervous.

shouldn't be so complicated
just touch me and then
just touch me again