I've been holding on, it's been holding me back.
I don't want to give in, but I know what you'd say to me.

She wasn't ready to make this decision. At least, not alone. She needed someone to talk to, to confide to, and she had nobody. Everyone would care, if she gave them the chance to, but she didn't trust them. Not enough for her problem.

Only one person, besides herself, knew. The doctor -- Doctor Hank "Beast" McCoy -- knew. She hadn't meant to let anyone know, especially not anyone in the X-Men family, but she had to go to someone when she went into cold spasms in the middle of the night.

She remembered the grave expression on Beast's face when he told her what he had learned. When she had absorbed Ms. Marvel -- a recent scuffle she had gone through, when tagging along with the X-Men in battle -- she had absorbed the disease as well.

"It's the Legacy Virus," Beast informed her.

"The what?" Rogue rasped, obviously startled at his expression. If his fur had been normal skin, it would have been ashen, Rogue suspected. That sent a chill up her spine as she waited for his explanation.

"The Legacy Virus," Beast repeated, his voice low. "It's a fairly new discovery in mutant biotechnology. The disease... There's..."

"No cure?" Rogue asked, her voice flat.

Beast stared at the ground for a long time, then looked up, staring Rogue straight in the eyes. "Not yet. But don't give up hope."

"Hope." Rogue's voice rose, in anger, then laughed bitterly. "We're mutants. The world has never shown us hope."

"Rogue..."

"Sorry," she immediately murmured, her voice contrite. "Ah...sometimes slip into the voices in mah head when Ah'm upset."

"Quite understandable," Beast assured her.

"How long 'til Ah die?" Rogue asked, bluntly interrupting the silence.

Beast didn't answer, and Rogue still knew the answer. It hit like a ton of bricks. It would be soon.

Since that night, she wished she hadn't told him. He started giving her vitamins, and minerals, and anything else he could decipher, that might help her prolong the illness. It wasn't working, not very well. Part of Carol -- Ms. Marvel -- was invulnerability. It was helping, but not like how it should have been. The spasms of pain only came three or four times a day, not five or six like Beast had predicted.

It was a small comfort, but Beast assured her when the final moment came, she wouldn't be in pain. He'd help her.

---

It was a cool December evening when Logan returned. Rogue was laying stretched out on the couch, an open book laying on her stomach. She was asleep, and Logan had to smile when he entered the room. She looked peaceful, something Logan, himself, hadn't experienced in a long time.

The journey, the search, had ended up in a year of bitter pain. He hadn't found much, but found out enough -- to know he didn't want to know anymore -- and had started on his return...home. To his Marie.

He couldn't explain why he felt the way he did, about Marie. She was just a kid...and what was he? He could be an old man, for all he knew. He didn't remember the year he was born, and with his healing abilities... But, despite what his mind reminded him, he liked her. He wouldn't deny the attraction he had developed to Jean Grey -- the fiery auburn X-Man -- but what he felt for Marie was... different. He had this hungry passion to save her from all the world's problems. To save her from herself.

"Kid?" he whispered, gruffly. Her jade eyes flew open, and Logan couldn't hide his grunt when he noticed the pain in the emerald eyes as she tried to sit up.

"Logan," Rogue gasped, as if it was pain to even say his name. "Ah'm... Ah'm glad your back," she said, her task finally complete. She managed a lazy smile as she looked up at him, her hidden joy finally showing on the surface. The eyes, Logan noted, were just how he remembered them. They sparkled when they locked eyes. Eyes only for him... "How are you?"

"The same," he said, absentmindedly. He was staring at her face, but not in the way of a lover or far-away admirer. Light purple bruises danced along her cheeks, her skin pale white. "...How are you?"

"Ah'm," Rogue stilled, a hand coming to her head as a wave of dizziness shifted through her. After a brief cough, she attempted a smile, "Ah'm...fine."

Logan cursed beneath his breath, shaking his head. He could see she wasn't fine.

"Ya jus' went though a coughing spasm," Logan growled, "And I can see you aren't 'fine,' Marie."

"Ah'm--"

"Rogue," an animated voice interrupted, "I have acquired your time for your pharmacon." Logan looked up, staring suspiciously, at the unfamiliar form. He had dark blue fur, wire-rim glasses perched on his face. His smell was unfamiliar, but could detect the musty smell of medications on him.

"'Pharmacon'?" Logan rumbled, looking between the blue beast and his Marie. Logan watched as she quickly, and painfully, took the tablets.

"Vitamins," Rogue quickly replied, before anyone could open their mouth to comment. She felt a pang of...something, as looked at Logan's bewildered expression. She was lying, and she hated it, but she couldn't tell the truth... Not now. Not ever. At least, not to him.

Logan just nodded, accepting the truth for the moment as the furrball gave an apologetic look, leaving. Logan cast another glance back to Marie, and sighed. She was fast asleep, a tired and sad smile on her face. This was not the homecoming he had hoped for.

---

"What's wrong with her," Logan growled, a few hours later as he stood in the doorway of the medical lab. The blue-furred man looked up at Logan, solemnly, as if not surprised by his appearance.
"Rogue?" he questioned. Logan nodded curtly, and the man sighed. "Before I tell you anything," he murmured, absentmindedly, "Let me introduce myself to you. I'm Doctor Henry McCoy, codename Beast. I have been Rogue's physician for the last year."

"Yer..."

"She's dying," he stated bluntly. "I see no reason to dance around her physical state, so I'll be honest. She has the Legacy Virus, which we have no cure for. Her time..."

"Is near," Logan stated, his voice flat. Logan turned on his heel before another word could be uttered.

Logan never told Marie what he had learned the night he had come back, and she never mentioned her failing body to him. She barely left her room, and didn't speak to anyone besides him. Sometimes, when she didn't think he was listening, she'd cry herself to sleep.

---

"Finish this dream."
Can I be more like a river, less like a wall.
Now try to hold back these feelings.

One rainy January evening, Logan approached Jean.

"How long have you known?" Logan wasn't one to have small talk. He wanted answers, and would do anything to get them.

"Since the beginning," Jean admitted. Her eyes were damp with tears as she gazed at the silent X-Man. "We've kept her wishes, though. She doesn't want us to know, but Hank had to warn us..."

"Jeannie," Jean smiled sadly at the usage of his pet name, "how...much longer do ya think..."

"I don't know," Jean allowed. "She's been sick so long... Hank said it was a miracle she's been here this long..."

Logan nodded. He wasn't one to cry in front of someone, but couldn't stop the tear as he turned away. He was intent on finding where Rogue had wandered off to, and left as quietly as he came.

He found her several minutes later, slowly walking around the garden grounds. He couldn't stand to see what she had become... Where was the spirited girl he had left over a year ago?

"Hi, Logan," Rogue said, dully, glancing up at his light steps. Rogue smiled half heartedly at his concerned glance.

She hated it. She hated everything. In the last year... She'd turned into nothing. She was...just there. No emotions, except the flip of her stomach when Logan came near. She hated that, too. She'd always liked Logan, from the moment he'd promised to always watch over her, but...somewhere, along the long, treacherous road, it had turned into something more.

He never stopped looking after her, despite the way she would sometimes act. Rogue inwardly cringed as her thoughts drifted to the previous week... He'd been there, like always. He had, for once, attempted to start a conversation when she snapped at him. Told him to leave, to get out of her face. She didn't know why... But something in his eyes had...freaked her out. They had shown deep love. She couldn't deal with it...

"Darlin'," he began, hesitantly. "How are ya feelin'?"

"Fine," she replied. She started coughing, doubling over as it finally subsided to wheezing. When she looked back up at him, Logan saw the light in her eyes gone. The sparkle, that had always been there for him, was gone. Its flame dead. "Ah'm dyin', Logan," she whispered, tears swimming in her closed eyes. "Ah'm..Ah'm..."

"Shh, darlin'," Logan gently wrapped an arm around her, hugging her tightly. She began to answer, but was stopped as she began to lightly rasp instead. She fell limp in his arms, her face going ash. Going on instinct, and instinct alone, he picked her limp body up into his arms, carrying her swiftly to the medical lab.

Beast was waiting, and Logan wondered if he had suspected that today had been the day. Shrugging it off, he watched as the doctor laid her gently on the bed, inside the lab.

Twenty minutes later, Beast approached Logan, his stride painful. "I'm sorry," Beast's eyes were on the ground, swimming with unshed tears. "There's nothing else I can do for her. She's going to die." Beast left, intent on locating Jean and the Professor, and Logan approached the bed, where Rogue stared blankly out the window.

"Hey, kid," Logan said. His voice caught her attention, and she turned her head towards him, her eyes blank of all emotion. He could smell the lingering aroma of medication, and could see in the blankness that was caused by heavy dosage of painkillers.

"Logan," her voice was soft, and she leaned her head back, closing her eyes. "Ah'm gonna die. An' Ah never tol' ya mah secret."

"What's that, kid?"

Rogue didn't react to his comments of "kid" -- not that Logan was surprised.

"Ah love ya." Her voice was fainter, and she opened up her eyes, long enough to smile at him. "Ah'm sorry Ah never tol' ya before..."

"Shh," he interrupted. "I love ya, too." A small part of him was glad that no one else was around just then. The only times he ever showed this much emotion was around his Marie. He...just couldn't act totally aloof and distant, not when she had captured his cold heart with her youthful energy so long ago.

Rogue's smile brightened, just for a split second, and she reached a bare hand to his face, her fingers brushing light stubble on his face. Logan didn't say anything as he stared down at her. Rogue's eyes fell shut, a sweet smile slipping onto her lips. Despite the circumstance, she was glad. She'd finally told him the truth, and he had told her it back. Maybe she was dreaming after all; her medication was making her feel light-headed, although there was no pain, which she was grateful.

She felt her body stiffen, a few seconds later. She opened her eyes long enough to whisper "Thank you" before her body stilled, and the smile stayed on her face.

Logan didn't say a word, staring down at the body that had fallen apart over time. If only he had been here before... Maybe none of this would have happened.

Without another thought, Logan turned, leaving behind the one chance he'd had at happiness. Maybe he'd find it again, but the chance were small. After all, who had two chances at love when you're a mutant?

'Cuz when I miss you, when I'm dying to kiss you,
I gotta let that flow...
More like a river...

The End