I'm not in love.

No way, now how. I'm the fuckin' Wolverine for shitssake. I am the walking, talking, fighting, fucking definition of the term 'Badass'. Bein' in love ain't in the job description, bub. Got a reputation to uphold, y'know?

That ain't to say that I don't believe the Big 'L' exists. Hell, I'm not blind or stupid. No matter what Scooter might say behind my back. I mean, just take a look at him and Jeanie. Those two are so lousy with love, it makes you wanna puke. Spend too much time around them, hell, even my pancreas goes into shock! They're so friggin' happy and - shit, what's the word? oh, yeah - comfortable. Attached at the hip, those two. Like a goddamn incestuous, mutie version of Cheng and Eng.

Cheng and Eng. Y'know, those Siamese twins from like China or Mongolia or some shit - eh, forget it. It's beside the point.

Whadya mean 'so I actually had one'? Yeah, I had a fuckin' point! Dumbass. Lemme spell it out for ya real simple-like. Four words, all one syllable. Easy to follow.

I'm not in love.

So I've called her a few times since I've been gone. I get the urge once in a while. Nothin' special 'bout that. Just like to keep tabs on Marie is all. See how she's doin'. Ask her if the geeks and her classmates are treatin' her right. I like to know what's new with her, if she's makin' any friends and shit like that. It's not like what she says has any real influence on my...Okay, so I might've gotten a little irked yesterday. It's just that I knew from the start that jambalaya jackass would hurt her - I mean, what hell kinda name is Remy anyway? Damn shiesty if ya ask me - and hearin' my Marie fuckin' cry over that punk was just...So, the phone booth got some new ventilation. Soon as I get back to New York, so will Gumbo.

Figure with Cyke's bike, I'll get there by the end of the week. That leaves that rat bastard Cajun about seventy-two hours to live. Give or take an hour.

What? What's with the look?

Fuck you.

I'm not in love. How many times I gotta tell ya 'fore you can wrap your brain around it?

Just figured it was about time for me to head back to Westchester. And if a little ass-kicking should happen to coincide with my visit, so much the better. It's not like I'm goin' back just to comfort Marie...just to see her. Hell, I can look at her anytime I want.

I got her picture in my wallet.

Not like it's a big fuckin' deal or anything.

She sent it to me when I was holed up in some armpit of a town for a few weeks. It was from some kinda dance or somethin' at the school. Didn't wanna hurt her feelings by throwin' it out so I stuck it in my wallet. Hey, that's what those annoyin' little plastic things are for, right? Might as well use 'em. 'Course, I had to trim it down a bit. Not like that was any hardship. I'm tellin' ya, powder blue and traffic-sign-yellow do not belong on the same spectrum, let alone in the same photo. So I just sliced off her two buddies - Jules and Kat, or Jody-Lee and Katy or somethin' - and slipped Marie right in next to my motel receipts.

I gotta say, she looks pretty. Black velvet dress and matching gloves. Hair all piled up in curls, with those big brown eyes and sweet smile. Face of an angel and - shit, she went and grew up while I wasn't lookin' - a body just built for sin.

Would you stop with that shit already?

I ain't in love!

But, hell, I ain't dead either. I hate to admit it, but Marie...Damn. Why is 'bangable' the only word that comes to mind? I mean, she's no Jeanie but...Huh. That's fuckin' weird. I can't quite seem to get a clear picture of Jean in my head anymore. When I close my eyes, all I get is an impression of red hair and sharp angles...Immediately overlapped by brown and white hair, sweet curves, dark eyes, shy smile, honeyed voice, lightly teasin'...

Y'know, I'm about two seconds from carvin' it into your forehead so you don't forget.

I. Am. Not. In. Love.

I'm not.

...

Am I?

---

I'm Not In Love
Sung by Olive
I'm not in love
So don't forget it
It's just a silly phase I'm going through
And just because
I call you up
Don't get me wrong
Don't think you've got it made
I'm not in love
No, no
It's because...
I like to see you
But then again
That doesn't mean you mean that much to me
So if I call you
Don't make a fuss
Don't tell your friends about the two of us
I'm not in love
No, no
It's because...
I keep your picture
Upon the wall
It hides a nasty stain that's lying there
So don't you ask me
To give it back
I know you know
It doesn't mean that much to me
I'm not in love
No, no
It's because...
Ooh, you'll wait a long time for me
Ooh, you'll wait a long time (2x)
I'm not in love
So don't forget it
It's just a silly phase I'm going through
And just because
I call you up
Don't get me wrong
Don't think you've got it made
I'm not in love
I'm not in love