In the six months that had passed after he had left Xavier's school, Logan had learned a lot of things. Some from the half-destroyed documents he found at Alkali Lake, others had come to him as realizations, some more welcome than others.

The documents hadn't mentioned his real name - that pissed Logan off. And a pissed off Logan is something one should generally avoid, a lesson which several fighters had learned the hard way.

The documents did mention that he had been used as sort of a remote controlled killer. That also pissed Logan off, and even more fighters learned the aforementioned lesson. (Although it wasn't the 'killing' part that pissed him off. He'd killed people before, and thirty-two more wouldn't be that big a deal. It was more the fact that someone had controlled him that made him want to destroy something.)

The documents also said that he had been born in 1931, which did absolutely nothing to improve Logan's mood. He'd thought that he was around forty-five or fifty...but more than seventy fucking years old? At that point Logan decided he better move on to another town before he accidentally destroyed something important - like the bar or the motel.

So Logan hit the road - not literally, although he was pissed enough to consider it.

He rented a small cabin far away from any other human being and went into seclusion. He spent several months reading and re-reading the documents until he had them memorized. Every sentence, every word, every little letter, until he was absolutely sure there was nothing he had missed.

And then he read them again.

Those documents provided more questions than answers. Yes, he'd learned some things about his past, but it wasn't very much. Most of the important questions still remained unanswered - just who had done it? Were there others? Did he once have a family, now long gone? A wife, a brother...a child?

Those questions returned every time he even looked at those documents and added to his already very bad mood.

After a few weeks where his mood daily went from pissed to sad and back again, Logan began to go on long hikes in the woods, just to get away from it all. It gave him the time to think things through - his life, his past, and most importantly, his future. To Logan, it was a strange feeling to suddenly think about the future. For the last fifteen years he had focused on his past, always searching for any clues to what happened. During those years, he hadn't considered his future - the past was more important as each day would make the puzzle a bit harder to solve. The future was something vague - it was something that really didn't mean anything to him, mostly because he had no one to worry about and thus no real commitments. He had the freedom to go wherever he wanted and he had all the time in the world to do it in.

Now he suddenly had some - although not all - of the answers he wanted, and he suddenly found himself wondering about the usefulness of what he was doing.

It was one of the first realizations that came to him during those hikes and it turned his world upside down. The search for his past had, in some strange way, been his goal, his reason to keep going. Now he suddenly had a pretty good idea of what had been done to him and just how old he way. And it made him realize something: Any family he might have had would be long gone by now.

His parents - and most likely any possible wife as well - would be dead. If he had any children, they could quite easily be fifty years old.

Anyone who knew him before he was captured would be either gone or very old. Was there really any reason to continue his search? That Logan - if Logan even was his real name - had died a long time ago. And did his real name really matter anymore? No one was left to remember it...and no one was left to remember the real him.

And then the second realization hit him like a punch in the stomach.

He had no past. No family, no memories, no roots, no home.

And for the first time Logan knew what it felt like to be completely alone.

---

It took him a long time to accept those first realizations.

The first long weeks, he vented his anger on the surrounding trees, cutting and slashing deep into those ancient giants until he sunk to the ground, exhausted and left with only a feeling of indifference.

Suddenly his main goal in life had disappeared and he found himself wondering why he even bothered to go on. Then he remembered his nightmares and his anger returned with renewed strength and he wanted nothing but revenge. An eye for an eye, a life for a life - blood for blood.

For several weeks he went through an emotional roller coaster, one moment sinking into deep depression, the next, feeling his blood burn in eagerness of the revenge he would get.

The lifeline that finally pulled him in was something he would never have imagined.

One day, he had unconsciously reached up to touch his dog tags and suddenly remembered that they weren't there. They hang around the delicate neck of a teenage girl in Westchester.

And suddenly he remembered that he did care about someone. Not Scooter or Chuck or Storm - not even Jean, desirable as she was. No, the face he saw when he closed his eyes and remembered, was the face of a young woman - girl - who had been dealt as bad a hand as he had. He'd cared enough about her to give her his only link to a now meaningless past, and he had looked into her big, brown eyes and promised to return.

He had given her his word and despite his rather questionable morals, he always kept his word.

She cared enough about him to want him to stay, and he cared enough about her to promise to return.

Logan quite suddenly realized that he had found the bridge that connected his present and his future, and that he already had taken the first, hard steps. The fact that someone cared about him had been the first step. The realization that he cared about her, too, was the second - and equally important - step.

And now he stood at the edge of the abyss and faced his two choices. He could walk back to the mental abyss and continue his current life. It would most likely lead to his destruction, mentally or physically, but at that point he wouldn't care.

Or he could choose to care, about his future, his life, the girl with the tags, and walk across that long and rather intimidating mental bridge.

One month ago, he would have picked the first and easiest option. Now, though...he had promised to return, and he was sure as Hell gonna keep that promise.

Logan returned to the cabin, put the documents away and slowly prepared to leave his secluded cabin.

---

Six months after he had left Xavier's mansion - and five months after he found the documents - Logan arrived in a small town in northern Canada. Physically, he looked the same - how could he not? - but underneath the hard exterior was a changed man. He was still the immortal fighter and certified badass Wolverine, but that part was now kept firmly in check by the more human side. He was Wolverine, but he was also Logan who'd realized that the past was long gone. Logan, who for the first time in his life knew what it felt like to miss someone. Logan, who suddenly found his solitary life far too lonely.

He spent most of that evening in the local bar, drinking and smoking, and for the first time really noticing the loneliness of the other bar patrons. He watched them for a long time before he finally pulled out the business card Xavier had given him all those months ago. Then he ordered another beer and continued his brooding.

When he looked back on that night in the years that followed, Logan couldn't remember just how it had happened, but several hours - and beers - later, he found himself at his motel-room with a phone in his hand and the business card on the table.

Before he had the chance to change his mind, though, someone picked up the phone in the other end.

"Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters, how may I help you?" a female voice asked.

"I...ehh...is Marie there?" Logan fumbled, suddenly not so sure that this was a good idea.

"Marie?" the voice asked and Logan could almost hear the frown. He sighed.

"Rogue. Ya know, brown hair, white streaks..."

"Oh! Sure, hang on for a moment."

Logan heard her cover the phone and then a yell that was very clear to someone with enhanced hearing.

"Hey, Jubes! Could you tell Rogue that some guy on the phone wants to speak with her?"

The girl then turned her attention to Logan again.

"She'll be here in a moment," she said and put the phone down.

Logan waited impatient for a long minute until he heard the sound of someone picking up the phone.

"Yeah?"

The voice was definitely Marie's, and Logan found himself smiling.

"Hey, Marie."

"Oh, my God! Logan?!"

The joy in Marie's voice was the only proof Logan needed that she really had missed him. It was actually one of the reasons why he'd called her - he wanted, no, needed to know that she really did care about him. He was still standing on that mental bridge above the abyss, and he would prefer to go back voluntarily rather than to feel it crumble beneath his feet.

But Marie's voice proved to him that the bridge was stronger than ever and that he only had to gather the courage to continue his journey.

And with her to guide him, how could he not?

"Yeah, darlin', it's me. Figured I'd give ya a call and find out how yer holdin' up."

"Me? Well...the Professor hasn't figured out how to control my skin, but he keeps tryin'. I'm doin' okay in school and I'm sharin' a room with two other girls. They're kinda cool."

Marie paused and Logan got the distinct impression that she was hiding something.

"But let's find something else to talk about. What 'bout yer search, sugar? Didya find anything?"

Logan sighed.

"Yeah...yeah, I did. Wasn't much, though. Only a few documents and stuff."

"I'm sorry Logan. I know how much ya wanted to find some answers," Marie said in a slightly sad voice.

Logan suddenly realized that she probably really did know. She had him in her head, didn't she? He shrugged, even though Marie couldn't see it.

"'S okay. Not even sure I wanna find out the rest of the answers anymore," he explained.

Marie was silent for a long moment.

"That bad?"

Logan sighed.

"It's kinda complicated."

"Logan, listen to me. Whatever happened...it wasn't yer fault. Yer didn't do anything wrong. If...if ya need someone to talk to, I'm here, okay?" Marie said and Logan could hear her concern shine through her words.

"I know. Thanks, Marie," he said, and for once he actually felt genuine gratefulness.

"Are...are yer gonna come back now?" Marie asked him.

Logan paused.

"I'm..." he began, but trailed off, unable to find the words he was looking for.

"Logan, I...I miss you. Please come back?"

Logan was taken aback by the raw emotions in her voice - sadness, loneliness and not a small bit of longing. And the feeling he'd had that something was wrong returned with renewed strength.

Something had hurt his Marie, and now she was reaching out for his help. And at that moment, Logan decided that he would do everything in his power to make things right again.

"Yeah, Marie. I'm coming home. Should be there in a week or so."

"Thank you."

It was two simple words but with them, Marie had told Logan far more than most people could in a whole day. And he wondered how long it had been since she had last said those words - and meant them. Those speculations made him even more determined to get back to her as fast as possible.

"Anytime, darlin'. Listen, I gotta go now. An' Marie...I miss ya, too."

"Be careful, sugar, okay?"

"I will."

"Good," Marie said with a smile. "See ya soon, Logan. G'bye."

"'Bye, Marie."

For a long moment Logan just stood there and looked at the now silent phone.

Then he packed his things and headed for Westchester.