Summary: Logan has an argument...with his own conscience?
Categories: X1 Characters: None
Genres: Humor
Tags: None
Warnings: None
Challenges: Series: Advises
Chapters: 1
Completed: Yes
Word count: 790
Read: 2657
Published: 12/18/2007
Updated: 12/18/2007
1. Never Argue with Your Conscience by Sorciere
Never Argue with Your Conscience by Sorciere
Author's Notes:
I've done this kind of thing once before, in another fandom, and decided to try with the X-verse, too. For some reason the thought of Logan arguing with his conscience seemed quite amusing...
*...* Logan's conscience speaking.
"..." Logan speaking.
I am the Wolverine. I am a growling badass who kicks people's asses for fun. I cage-fight for a living. I don't care about anyone but myself. I have one-night stands with random women in bars. I kill without any remorse whatsoever.
And I do fucking NOT have a conscience!
Let me repeat that:
I. Do. Not. Have. A. Conscience!!
*Yeah, right. Of course you don't, old boy,* a voice agreed with him.
"Shut up!"
*You're lying to yourself, you know that? Bad habit, old chap, I'm disappointed.*
For some odd reason the voice actually sounded amused.
"Didn't I tell you to shut the fuck up?"
*Really, if you didn't care about anyone else, why did you pick up Marie?*
"'Cause she would've frozen to death if I hadn't!"
*She could have hitched a hike with another driver.*
"Hey! She could've been hurt! Some of those guys are pretty bad."
*I thought you just said you didn't care about anyone else.*
"I don't! I was just helping her!"
*Riiiight. And almost getting yourself killed on the Statue of Liberty was also 'just helping her'?*
"She's a good kid, an' she's got her whole life ahead of her. She doesn't deserve to die because of that shit-head Magneto or whatever he calls himself. 'Sides, it was a great chance to get back at the junkyard cat for what he did to my camper...Hey, it was!"
*Of course.*
Logan was almost positive that the voice would have smirked, if it could.
"Glad we understand each other."
*Now, back to the subject. 'A good kid?' Logan, Logan, Logan. She's eighteen now. That's legal, you know.*
"She's legal? Hmmm...Ehh...I mean - she's still a kid compared to me!"
*Compared to you, everyone is a kid.*
"Gee, thanks."
*Anytime, old boy.*
"..."
*And besides, if you still think of her as a kid, how come you remember so much about her?*
"Because I spent so much time with her, dick-head. I remember a lot about Jeannie, too."
*You don't remember how Jeannie's ass looks. Or what she smelled like when you said you'd be leaving for a while. Or the look in her eyes when you gave her your dog-tags.*
"I didn't say goodbye to Jean an' Marie's the one wearing the tags."
*My point exactly.*
"You think I'm in love with a girl who's not only young enough to be my daughter - if not granddaughter - but also has lethal skin?? That's the craziest damn thing I've ever heard!"
*You said that. Not me.*
"The fuck I did!"
*Then why do you unconsciously seek out women with Southern accent and auburn hair - or those who wear gloves?*
"She's...I'm no good for her. She deserves someone her own age, someone that doesn't have metal claws and horrible nightmares."
*So you admit that you love her?*
"Fuck you! Okay, if that's what you wanna hear - yes, I love her damnit! She's beautiful, caring, smart - everything that I'm not. I love her more than anything, but it will - never - fucking - happen!"
*I see we're making progress here. Now, why won't it happen?*
"She's too young an' I'm too old. An' I hurt her - almost killed her once. If I stay around her, I'd only hurt her again. And I couldn't live with that. So it's better for the both of us if I just stay away and let her get on with her life."
*They must have implanted that metal into your skull, too. It's not natural to be so thick-headed.*
"Listen, bub, you have a death-wish or somethin'?"
*Logan, I'm your conscience. You can't kill me.*
"Wanna bet?"
*It's days like this where I just don't see what she loves so damn much about you.*
"Why, you little...hey! Who loves me so damn much?"
*If you stopped thinking with you ass, you might have noticed it a lot sooner.*
"Who the fuck are you talking about?!"
*You mean you didn't know? How could you have missed it?*
"I'll ask you one more time: Who. The. Fuck. Are. You. Talking. About??"
*Marie, of course. Who else?*
"Marie loves me?"
*Yes.*
"She really loves me?"
*Is there an echo in here or something?*
"You mean, like in Love? The big L?"
*What else?*
"I mean, I just...I didn't think that...I mean...she loves me?"
*You want me to spell it out for you?*
"..."
*Now, why don't you pull your head out of your ass, get on Scooter's bike and get back home before one of the little dick-heads in Xavier's school try to put the moves on her?*
"If they do, they'll loose a very important part of their anatomy. She's mine!"
*So glad we agree, old chap, so glad.*
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.