Jerry: Okay, now it is time for our next series of problems. Many strange occurrences have been going on with the X-Men mutants at Professor Xavier's Institute for The Gifted and Talented. Lets bring out our first couple. Logan "The Wolverine" and Marie "The Rogue".

[They enter and the audience applauds]

Jerry: Now what seems to be the problem?

Rogue: I am pregnant with Logan's child.

Jerry: And why would this be a problem?

Rogue: Because-

Logan:: She thinks that I am having an affair.

Audience: Oh.

Jerry: So you're married?

Rogue: Yes.

Jerry: Well, is it true?

Logan:: Marie, darling, I have something to tell you.

Audience: Oh ...

Rogue: What?

Logan:: I am having an affair.

Audience: Ooooh!!!!!

Rogue: With who?

Logan:: Jean.

Audience: Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

Jerry: Everyone calm down.

Logan:: Marie, please forgive me. I can explain.

Rogue: You lazy son of a -

Audience: Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!.....

Jerry: Calm down!

Rogue: I trusted you and you cheated on me with that stupid Jean *beep*. How dare you?!!

Logan:: I'm sorry. I didn't mean to!

Rogue: I'm expecting your child! What am I suppose to do! We're married! We made vows! I gave you my life! You said you'd take care of me!

Logan:: Please, listen.

Rogue: No, I can't hear you Na-na-na-na-na!

[Audience laughs]

Jerry: Okay, let's bring out Jean Grey!!

Audience: Boo!!!!!!

Jean: (flirting) Hey, Logan. (evilly) Oh, hello Rogue.

Jerry: Is it true that you are having an affair with Logan?

Jean: Well, duh! If anyone saw the first two movies you'd see all the on-screen chemistry that we had.

Audience: Boo!!!!!!

Rogue: Why you little-

Jerry: Settle down, everyone!

Jean: It is obvious!

Jerry: Do you also have something to tell Logan?

Jean: Yes, I do. Logan, we are going to have a baby.

Audience: Oh!!! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

Rogue: You lying *beep* *beep*.

Jerry: Do you know that Rogue is expecting his child?

Jean: So? What's it to ya?

Jerry: Before we go any further there is a catch right?

Jean: Right. Logan, honey, it could be Scott's kid.

Logan:: I hope that it is because I swear that I am not the father. Marie, believe me. I'm the father of your baby. Our baby only.

Jean: We'll just see about that since there is a pretty good chance it is yours.

Jerry: Does Scott know about this?

Jean: Well no ...

Jerry: Well he does now. Everyone please welcome Scott. Scott!!

Scott: I told you to stay away from my girl!!!

[uses visors to attempt to blast Logan but misses]

Jerry: He's trying to blast the place up!

Rogue: Stop it!

Wolverine: SNIKT!

Audience: Oh!!!! (starts to laugh)

Jerry: The freak show has begun! Wolverine has taken out his claws!

Wolverine: Stay out of it bub!

Scott: Why should I bother humiliating you on the radio if you are just going to humiliate yourself? You, Jean-I-I-trusted you. How could you do this to me?

Jean: I didn't mean to. It's not my fault that at times you can be boring.

Scott: What?!

Jean: Look, I said it before and I'll say it again. Girls flirt with the dangerous guys and marry the good guys. Logan is not the good guy. Girls just want to have fun.

Rogue: This is nowhere near fun.

Logan:: I'll take that as a compliment although that does not make sense.

Jerry: Well, we took a test earlier and these are the results. Logan you are not the father of the baby.

Logan:: I knew it. I'm free! Marie will you forgive me?

Rogue: Okay because I know that deep down inside you love me too and will always take care of me. But just promise to never do that to me again, okay?

Logan:: Okay. I love you.

Audience: Awwww!!

Jerry: Scott.

Scott: Yes?

Jerry: You also are not the father of the baby.

Jean and Scott: What?!

Jerry: Beast is the father of your baby.

Jean: It-it just can't be...

Scott: how could you? I'm leaving.

Jerry: He's left everyone. Let me get him. Scott, Jean needs you at this time so can you please go back and out there and promise to stick by her. This is important. I'm sure that she loves you and is just at a weird state in her life where she is trying to figure it out. You would make a great dad. Go back out there and tell her that you love her.

Scott: Okay. I'll try. Jean I'm sorry.

Jean: Me too Scott. I didn't want things to go so out of hand. Can you forgive me please?

Scott: I will but it'll take some time for me to get over this. I love you.

Audience: Awwww!!!!

Logan:: Hey, bub! Quit copying me!!

Jerry: When we come back Storm and Nightcrawler are in love but will their so-called friend Gambit get in the way? We'll be back soon to Jerry Springer.

Audience: Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!........

Commercial: Are you different? Does the world despise you? Do you want to be accepted? If you answered yes to most of these questions, chances are that you are a mutant. Please call 1-555-I'm-a-mutant-pleace-accept-me. The number again is 1-555-I'm-a-mutant-pleace-accept-me. Professor Xavier's Institute is where you need to be.

Jerry: And we're back. Before the break we were discussing some of the relationship problems among the X-Men at Xavier's Institute. Everyone I will like you to welcome Ororo and Kurt.

Storm: Hello, I'm Storm.

Kurt: And I am Kurt Wagner but in the Munich Circus I was known as the Incredible Nightcrawler and-

Jerry: Aw, save it. Anyways what's happening?

Storm: Well we are very much in love and happy together and are going to be like that for what we hope is forever.

Jerry: So?

Kurt: We are having problems with our friend Gambit.

Jerry: What kind of problems?

Storm: Well he has always had a thing for me but I don't see him as anything more but a friend.

Jerry: And you want to have an end to this?

Kurt: Yes please.

Storm: He keeps threatening to throw his flaming card pack at me and Kurt if I don't choose to be with him.

Jerry: What?

Storm: they can cause explosions since that's his mutant power.

Gambit: Mon, cherie! We belong together!

Storm: Gambit!

Gambit:: Don't make me waste another pack cherie on Kurt here.

Kurt: Nightcrawler. In the Munich circus I was know as "The-

Gambit: "Incredible Nightcrawler". We all know.

Jerry: Why can't you just leave them alone?

Gambit: I could but then it wouldn't be any fun would it? Hahahahahahahaha!!!!

Magneto: Mwahahahaha!!!!

Storm: Magneto? What are you doing here?

Magneto: I am not this Magneto that you speak of. I am Gandolf!!!

Rogue and Logan: Hi.

Magneto: Oh hello. Long time no see.

Jerry: Uh-um. We're still talking to the X-men you know that right?

Magneto: We are?

Jerry: Yeah.

Magneto: You should have killed me when you had the chance!!!!

[audience is silent and a cricket chirps]

Magneto: Alright, then call me when Gollum appears. I must talk sense into that young man and offer him a job in the Brotherhood. Cherio!! Say hi to Charles from me!!

Everyone: Bye, Magneto!!

Magneto: I told you it's Gandolf but anyways in a rush! Aurevoir!!

Jerry: Continuing on...

Gambit: Look, mon cheire. This is my last and final warning. It's either me or him. Please think smart.

Storm: I'm sticking with Kurt.

Gambit: In that case then ...

Jubilee: Stop!!!

Gambit: Jubilee?

Jerry: Ladies and gentlemen, Jubilation Lee! With what appears to be firecrackers coming out of her-ears?

Audience: Oh!!! Ahh!!!!

Jubilee: Gambit, Stop it.

Gambit: Why?

Jubilee: Because I love you.

Gambit: You do?

Jubilee: Always have and always will. Would you rather be with someone who hates you or someone loves you?

Gambit: Oh Jubes ...

Jubilee: Oh Gambit ...

Audience: Awww!!!

Jerry: That's all that we have time for today. Join us again next time on Jerry Springer!

Audience: Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

Commercial: Looking for true love? Go to Yahoo Personals only at Yahoo.com!