Beast was the one that finally noticed Rogue was missing. He’d stayed to help Storm after Logan had left, feeling that his services at the mansion would be of more use than anywhere else for the time being. He had also forgotten just how good it felt to “fight the good fight” as Scott would have said or to “kick the living shit out of someone” as Logan would have so eloquently put it.

He didn’t yet know everyone at the mansion and most of those that he did he would have to say in all honesty that he did not know that well. Logan was on the list of ‘knew the name but did not know that well’ yet he felt a certain understanding of the man known as the Wolverine. Rogue was also on his list but affection for the beautiful young lady was easily felt, she always had a warm and loving smile as well as kind words spoken and was the first to offer help if he needed it. Her skin holding a fascination for him in the scientific sense, it was a most unusual and potentially isolating mutation. She had in his opinion, understandable taken the cure, only to have her mutation return as was the case with many who had taken it, but it did not appear to hinder her daily life too much and she seemed to cope very well.

Not worried so much as curious he began to ask around, Storm who had been so busy lately that she’d hardly had time to notice herself let alone anyone else had not seen her. Bobby it seemed had been avoiding her, no real surprise there especially since his pool table antics had become common knowledge, embarrassment causing him to stay clear of everyone except kitty. Kitty had been doing the same. Everyone he asked had not seen her in fact the last positive sighting of her had been on Tuesday, more than a little odd as it was now Friday.

The mansion was big even without taking into account all the non-public places that it hid within it’s walls and it’s occupants had had a lot to deal with recently, but the sense that something was wrong led Beast to Rogue’s door once again, only this time when there was no answer he turned the handle and gently pushed open the door. Again those keen senses came into play and immediately told him that she had left, not needing the confirmation of the completely empty room. No pictures, no comforts, the bed stripped with neatly folded sheets laid to one of the bottom corners, the wardrobe door which had been left slightly ajar not surprisingly held only empty coat hangers. The bathroom, clean and empty its only occupant a towel folded up on the side. She had packed up and left without it seemed saying goodbye to anyone.

As Beast turned to walk back through the bedroom he noticed her desk and the lone item sitting on top of it. A Diary, it’s outer cover a plain pale blue with just her name written across the front ‘Rogue’ and above it what looked perhaps like ‘Marie’ but it had been heavily crossed out several times. Not the kind of thing usually left behind Beast debated for a while before opening it but hoped that it held some clue as to where or why she’d gone. Unfortunately, all he found was just how good Rogue had been at covering her pain, The young lady who had always smiled at him, was crying inside. It seemed that his earlier assumptions of her coping abilities had been greatly underestimated, though he did not at the time realise that is wasn’t her skin so much that was the problem like he’d thought it would have been. Reading her diary had made him privy to just how much she’d had to go through, certain other people, Jean in particular he noted, had not helped the situation at all, leaving her with the feeling that she was all alone with no-one she could turn to.

It was at Dinner later that day before he saw anyone. Storm sat down opposite him apologising for her abruptness earlier and asking him if he had found Rogue.

“Unfortunately no” he said, and then simply but sadly he added “She’s left”

“Do you know if she informed anyone of what time she would be back?” Storm replied, a slight annoyance in her voice. Everything was so hectic at the moment, common courtesy in Storms opinion would suggest that shopping trips and such like could at least be postponed for the time being – why was she the only one left taking responsibility for what had to be done? Present company excluded she thought.

“I’m afraid you misunderstood me my dear, when I said that she had left, I meant in the sense that I do not believe she is coming back”

“Left? Where has she gone?”

“The short answer to that would be that I do not know, her room was empty, no belongings left at all. From what people have been able to tell me she must have left sometime within the last 3 days, It would seem that no-one noticed so it is hard to say for certain, As to where she’s gone I presume that she would have told someone if she wanted us to know”.

“I don’t understand, I know that I’ve been busy lately but I would have thought she would have approached me if she was for some reason no longer happy here.”
‘if she was ever happy here’ Beast thought to himself
“She did not leave when she took the cure as some of the others did, they all had the choice as does everyone here. I’m sure that most knew of my own, shall we say somewhat strong feelings on the subject of the cure but I made certain to assure all those who took it that my own personnel feelings would in no way jeopardise the Mansion being a sanctuary and they would always have a home and be welcome here cured or not. I assumed that with her mutation returning she would have no reason to want to leave and would stay and help us with the school. She knew how much we needed everyone at the moment.”

“A lot has happened recently, everyone here young or old is dealing with it in their own way. In addition a lot has happened which has been personnel to her – I believe that maybe she could not deal with it all whilst being here, like Logan, she may feel the need to deal with it by being alone. It is not always the best choice but sometimes it is the right choice – the only choice we may feel left open for us.”

He left it at that, Storm’s own hostility whether intentional or not being heard by Beast in her words, knowing that Rogue had heard it in the past personally directed at herself, he wanted to stand up on her behalf and correct Storm’s harsh assessment of the situation but he had a feeling that, given time Rogue would be back and would no doubt set the record straight herself. So he neglected to tell Storm or anyone for that matter, of the diary he had found or the words that he had read written inside. It seemed that she was near breaking point and if she was going to fall apart, not doing it in front of everybody here, he thought for her was a good place to start. She was hurting and needed to heal, and as she herself had written – it is the healing that sometimes hurts us the most.

It was 2 weeks later when a familiar sound echoed in the driveway – had she been there Marie would have known of Logan’s arrival before anyone else, as it was Logan made it up the driveway, in to the garage, through the hall and in to the kitchen before anyone noticed he was there.

Storm approached him and gave him a smile followed by a brief hug.

“Welcome home Logan”

A gentle and quick squeeze of her arms and another slight smile before unwrapping herself from him and returning to her hot chocolate sitting on the table.

“Storm”

He added what he considered a polite small nod to his short reply, before heading straight for the fridge in the hopes of finding that no-one had stolen his beer while he’d been away, or if they had, that they had at least had the decency to replace it.
It was late and it had been one hell of a long drive, a cold beer or two was just what he needed to help his heeling factor cope with the lack of sleep.

Thinking that it would be empty, Bobby approached the kitchen only to see the back of a very familiar figure, a confrontation with the Wolverine the very last thing he needed, he decided to make a quick exit.

Sniffing the air, the new scent easily being detected, Logan’s eyebrows came together – confused as to why the Iceprick was exiting quickly and smelling more scared than usual.

Abruptly forgetting his search for his beer, Logan swung around to face Storm

“Where’s Marie?”

Patience was not an expression that Storm was seeing in his eyes or hearing in his voice, she knew the question was coming, his sometimes overly possessive but ultimately protective nature for the girl always at the forefront of his mind, especially on his return anytime he had been away, but she still had come up with no way of softening the blow she knew he would feel when she told him.

“And if he’s hurt her I’ll fucking kill him” he added before she could answer.

“She left Logan”

deciding to be blunt and to the point she watched as his face changed from disbelief to confusion to ‘oh shit, here it comes’ she thought, The Wolverine beginning to show as pure anger took over.

“What exactly do you mean by she’s left? – Where the hell did she go? – And more to the fucking point when in the hell is she coming back? – The fucking prick hurt her didn’t her? - Where is the little shit?”
His knuckles already itching and straining, his claws seconds from release, the need for questions over, the last of his angry outburst being pure statement
“I’m gonna make him wish he’d never been born”.

Not even giving Storm the chance to reply he stormed out of the kitchen, his senses on high alert, intent on killing something, namely the afore mentioned little prick, he hadn’t gotten that far though when he was abruptly stopped by a strong arm. He swung around with his claws already extended.

“Not now beast I’m hunting”

Pinned to the wall by 3 very large, very long and extremely sharp claws Beast wondered briefly exactly how good his diplomatic calm voice would be when face to face with an angry Wolverine.

“If you wouldn’t mind retracting those just a little my friend, I must speak with you” He lowered his voice slightly and added “It concerns Rogue”

At the mention of her name Logan softened his stance slightly but Beast would have to try harder before the claws were going to disappear.

“Logan, I think in private might be best”

Having followed Logan out of the kitchen with the intention of trying to keep the peace, quite how she was going to accomplish that feat she hadn’t exactly worked out but was hoping something would occur to her on the way. Stopped by the conversation going on in front of her, she had heard all of it and although she didn’t know what was going on, Beast had just given her the opportunity to warn Bobby and quite possibly Kitty as well that staying clear of Logan might not be a bad Idea for the foreseeable future. No amount of their apologising would turn an unhappy Wolverine into anything less than a seriously pissed off and still unhappy Wolverine.

Logan followed Beast into the med lab and through to his office. As beast began fumbling with his keys trying to unlock the draws to his desk Logan began to pace, already knowing something was seriously wrong his patience was hitting an all time limit.

“I found this after she’d gone Logan, I saw no reason to tell or show anyone else, I myself only read it to see if she’d left a clue as to why or where she’d gone. I kept it because I think you should read it.”

Logan took the small book from Beast and stared at the name / s on the front.

“I tried to read the other name she had crossed out, am I right in assuming it say’s Marie?”

Beast asked, knowing that now was probably not the best time but his curiosity getting the better of him.

Looking up briefly from the book Logan answered with what looked to Beast like a slight smile.

“To everyone else she is Rogue, but to me she has always been Marie”

“I think what she has written may give you some what of an explanation, and Logan, when you find her, please tell her that if she ever needs me – she knows where I am.”

Without saying a word Logan turned and left the med lab. Forgetting the Iceprick for the time being, gutting Bobby could wait, finding out where Marie was couldn’t.

2 hours. 2 long hours he had sat in her room staring at the open pages and the words written on them, over and over again he read the lines hearing her anger and most of all her pain, realising now just how much he had ignored, how much he hadn’t understood and how much he’d fucked up.

“Shit”
He had to find her.



It didn’t take him long, he had a feeling he knew where she was heading and he pickled up her trail quite easily. At another point in time he was going to make sure to teach her how not to be tracked so easily, but right now he was glad he hadn’t already got round to it.
So it was no real surprise to him that he was now in Anchorage. He was sat in the shadows across the street just watching for the time being, making sure she didn’t see him, he wasn’t ready for that, what was he going to say? Whatever it was he knew he wouldn’t be able to say it right and he’d fuck up somehow yet again.

4 days – he knew where she was working, where she was living, who she’d spoken to and he even knew where she did her shopping, but the mighty wolverine he who had survived all that every bastard on earth had thrown at him was still sitting lurking in the shadows like a fucking dirty old man, scared stiff of facing the beautiful young woman in front of him. One woman, that’s all she was, hell he’d had women throwing themselves at him as far back as he could remember, he loved it, lived for it, what the fuck was wrong with him?

One woman – Marie – and therein lay the problem – this was Marie, and everything about her was so different to anyone else he’d ever known. This was his Marie, and now he knew exactly what she’d been through and how she truly felt there was no going back. ‘fuck’ He had to sort this out somehow because without knowing it she’d had him right from the start, he didn’t know why that was but at this point it really didn’t seem to matter.

Courage that’s what he needed, he’d always had it in abundance, why the fuck had it deserted him now? He felt like the lion in that fucking ridiculous film the kids were watching at Christmas, the Wizard of something or somewhere. Fucking stupid.

Her diary sat in his lap staring up at him, and he suddenly realized that maybe there was another way to do this, searching his truck he just needed to find a pen.



Dear Marie,

Once upon a time, I wasn’t much of a man, I wasn’t much of anything at all. I was broken, not even living, just existing,

Until the day I met you.

A Sassy little spitfire who stowed away in my trailer, a complication I didn’t think I needed - but one look was all it took for you to open a piece of my heart, a heart I had no fucking clue I had.
One look and you had me doing something I’d never done, something I thought I was incapable of doing:-

Caring.

You sat in the truck and I could feel and smell how scared you were – nothing I wasn’t completely used to, but the look in your eyes hit me like a ton of bricks, you weren’t scared of me like everyone else, you were the first person in my entire fucked up existence to be scared for me.
You were also the first person I’d ever known who showed me concern –
“Do they hurt when they come out”
Do you remember asking me that darlin’? You’re the only one who’s ever bothered.
I wonder if you’ve ever known how much that small question meant to me?
There were a lot of firsts for me that day - You were something else darlin’, totally unique and I knew right then I would do everything I could for you, I may not have understood it, but I knew it.

Didn’t take me long to fuck that up though, Sabertooth took care of that, if it wasn’t for Storm and Scott I would have lost you right then and there. A fucked up Asshole used to looking after number one, a fighter, a damn good and dirty one, but it wasn’t enough. I wasn’t enough.

When we got to the mansion, you seemed happy, content with the other kids, I thought the last thing you needed was the fucked up jerk who couldn’t protect you, taking you to my bed, and I would have darlin’ , you were fucking gorgeous and yes you were young but you were old enough, I knew it even if no-one else would have thought so, except that I told you you’d already opened up my heart – well it introduced me to something else I didn’t think I had – my conscience.
What you needed was a home, a chance at anything resembling a normal life and I already told you I’d made up my mind to give you everything I could, I just knew that it meant not me, a loner, a fighter, an animal. I didn’t think I was capable of giving you any of that. But maybe in hindsight I should have given you the choice. I couldn’t jeopardise your life there, they were willing to help you and they knew how to do it a damm sight better than I could of, or so I thought, they wouldn’t have let me have you and then let us stay, so giving you what you needed meant covering up what I felt. That’s why I flirted with Jean, yes she was good looking and I loved the way it riled Scott,
but she wasn’t you.

That’s why I left.

By the time I came back you were going out with the Iceprick and I thought maybe for once in my life I’d done the right thing, the unselfish thing– I thought you were happy, settled.

I read your diary darlin’ and I’m so sorry, for everything, I never realized how messed up it all was, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that I fucked up again, no happy ever after for either of us.
I never seem to get it right.

You said that writing it all down helped? That’s why I’m doing the same, when all I want to do is see you, I want to hold you, I want to tell you everything’s gonna be all right, just like in your fairytales, I want to explain it all but I don’t know how, I know if I try to tell you the words I’ll just mess it all up again, and this is another first but I’m fucking scared Marie, scared I’ll fuck up so bad that you won’t forgive me, I need to get this right so I thought maybe writing it down would help me explain it better.

At the end I thought I loved Jean. I guess I’d just been playing the game so long that I’d convinced not only everyone else but myself too.
but you were right when you said that part of me should have died with her – It didn’t – It wasn’t love.

I was playing the game, I just didn’t realise until I read your words that she was playing it better. You were right, I should have seen her, I should have known.
She used me just as much if not more than I used her, but she hurt you and if she wasn’t already dead I’d kill her again for that, for the things she said and the things she did. Without knowing it, I hurt you too, and believe me that’s the last thing I ever wanted to do.


I watched you at the funeral, holding the Icepricks hand, I thought you had what you wanted, I tried to be happy for you but it hurt. You’re skin never bothered me, I’d known you for 5 minutes and already come up with 20 different ways around it (and darlin’ I’ve been adding to the list ever since). I knew the Iceprick was scared of you, he acted all blasé about it, but I could smell it coming off him in waves every time he was with you – I knew he wouldn’t go too far but the thought that when you came back and he could touch you – I couldn’t be there for that.

That’s why I left…..

But coming back and finding you gone, that’s what killed me.

You were never an obligation, you were never an embarrassment and I’m glad you will never be sorry for loving me, I wanna make sure you never will be, And you always were and will be Marie to me. My Marie.

You’re the only one darlin’, from that first look you opened up my heart – It always was yours, always will be.

There’s something else I need to tell you, but I won’t be writing it down.

Open your door.



He’d been stood by her door for hours, What the fuck was taking her so long? Had she read it? Would she forgive him? What the fuck was he going to do if she didn’t? What in the hell was she doing in there? he’d watched as she’d come home to find her diary propped up against her front door, watched as she’d picked it up, confusion on her face as she quickly glanced around to see if she was still alone or if the sender was still here, and he’d watched as she’d taken it inside. The minute the door had closed he’d come out from the shadows and waited. He could hear her quiet steps as she approached, and finally she was there in front of him, her eyes streaming with tears, her hair no longer in the pony tail it was earlier, she had it down now, falling around her face, her white streaks like a sliver frame around a perfect picture, for a few seconds he just stood there completely mesmerised by the beautiful pair of eyes staring up at him, watching each tear as it fell, he couldn’t help but slowly raise his hands to her face and gently wipe them away.

“You left”

He bowed his head slightly, stating the obvious was not in the practiced version of what he wanted to say. He couldn’t believe he was already fucking this up.

“I had to”

“I know”

“I can’t go back Logan, not yet, maybe never, there I’m just Rogue, but I need to be Marie too.”

“Anything you want darlin’ you got it, anywhere you wanna go we’ll go, just as long as it’s you and me Marie. Please tell me it’ll be you and me, I came to collect that fairytale you wanted for me, and hopefully give you yours too”

As each word left his mouth he drew closer and closer to her.

“Logan?”

“Shush, trust me, let me show you the rest”

His hands gently cupping each side of her face, he closed the small gap remaining and gently pressed his lips to hers, wanting it to last as long as possible but knowing he wouldn’t have that much time he quickly deepened the kiss letting the connection of her skin and the actions of his mouth and tongue tell her everything else she needed to know before he slowly pulled back. Opening his eyes and taking in every detail in her face he leaned forward again and placed a chaste kiss on her forehead before wrapping his arms around her. Slightly drained he leant on her a little for support but it was nothing he couldn’t handle and was determined to do it again and again if he needed to. He sure wanted to.
He leant over and whispered in her ear

“Do you understand? Please forgive me Marie”

But she didn’t say anything, Logan noticed she was shaking trying to stop the tears that were once again falling but she wasn’t pulling away from him so he presumed that that was a good thing, now or never he thought, it was time.

“I love you”

In-between sobs he strained to hear her words being muffled by his shirt.

“I love you too.”

He couldn’t help the wide grin that suddenly appeared on his face, reading it and hearing it were definitely worlds apart and he knew he could easily get used to the feeling that it had just given him.

“I want it all Marie, I want that happy ever after you were talking about’”

“Maybe we need to get started on it then. - I think you’ve just shown me how much you’re not afraid of my skin but I seem to remember you mentioning a few ways round my particular mutation you’ve thought of that might not get you killed. I think that might be a good place to start this happy ever after thing”

His eyebrows lifting in surprise at her last statement, he pulled out of his embrace slightly and was watching her face intently - there were no more tears, those eyes were now sparkling with a glint of mischief, they had a smile all of their own, a man could get lost forever and not give a damn

“Hell yeah”

With a huge grin on his face he watched as Marie dropped her hand into his and began to lead him inside.

“Hell yeah,” he repeated “A damn good place to start”

The end.