Jubilee pulled a notebook from her backpack and grinned. "Right. Let's get started."

"Jubilee, I don't think this is such a good idea."

The notebook hit the side of Rogue's head with a decided thwack and Jubilee continued. "Title. All good lists need a title. Kitty?"

Kitty groaned and turned over in her bed. "Mother of all Evil! Jubes, I have a... " Kitty's brain was starting to disconnect from her body again. Images of Ewan McGregor in Trainspotting started swimming before her eyes. Before she knew it they were joined by images of Ewan in A Life Less Ordinary. Rogue and Jubilee watched as she giggled inexplicably. Soon, a third set of Ewans made their way into her brain, clad in Jedi-wear. Then, the dancing Ewans merged into one single, perfect Ewan: the epitome of charm, bravery, and nudity.

"Test," Rogue supplied, throwing an annoyed gaze at Jubilee. "We all do. And if I don't get any sleep, I'm flunking."

A remarkably loud snort erupted from Jubilation Lee's mouth. "You're flunking regardless, babe. You're too busy staring at Logan's ass to crack open a book." Hysterical laughter peeled out of her as she realized what she'd said. "Ha ha ha. Crack open! Logan's ass!"

Kitty, pissed at having her Ewans replaced by images of a buttcrack, retorted, "Okay, thanks Jubes. If you have that out of your system now, can we please go to sleep?"

"No! I can't sleep thinking about it, so you two can't, either."

"Don't you think that's rather selfish?" The muffled inquiry came from Rogue, who had pulled her blanket up over her head in an effort to drown out her friend's incessant harping.

Jubilee harrumphed and jumped onto Rogue's bed, bouncing and muttering something about it being in Rogue's best interest to get the list written and put into practice. Sighing as the mattress squeaked and creaked beneath her, Rogue bemoaned the fact that Jubilee probably had more Mountain Dew coursing through her veins than blood.

Grabbing the notebook and taking a pencil from behind her ear, Jubilee cleared her throat and pronounced, "List title: Ways to Get Logan to Notice Me. By Rogue."

"Hey!"

"Shh. I'm thinking."

"I'm not writing that, Jubilee!"

Kitty finally sat up, rubbing her eyes and yawning. "Well, it's obvious no one is getting any sleep," she sighed, then muttered, "Or Ewans."

Jubes hopped from Rogue's bed onto Kitty's. Looking down at her friend, she grinned and asked, "You still caught up on him? I swear, Kitty, you see a guy's peepee one time... "

"Jubilee!"

Glancing over at Rogue, who had also gotten out from beneath her covers, Jubilee replied, "What?"

"Can we get on with it?"

Nodding, Jubilee dropped onto Kitty's bed and sat cross-legged. She licked her pencil and proceeded to write. "Okay. Here's the first one: bat your eyes and tell him you've always found metal skeletons very arousing."

Kitty started giggling. "That's a good one."

Rolling her eyes, Rogue responded, "Don't encourage her, Kitty."

The young Asian girl bowed and laughed. "Thank you, Kitty-san." Grabbing Kitty's teddy bear from her, Jubilee said, "It's your turn."

Kitty's hands reached for the stuffed bear, but Jubilee managed to dodge them. "Oh, take care of little Obi-Wan," she whimpered.

"Obi-wan?" Rogue and Jubes called out together.

Kitty had the good sense to blush. "I... He reminds me of Ewan, okay?"

"He looks more like a Wookiee."

"Or an Ewok."

"Oh, never mind," Kitty almost growled, taking pencil and paper in hand. "Let's see." She paused for a moment, a furrow of concentration etched in her brow. "Ah, yes." She smiled sweetly at Rogue. "Number two: Manage to get yourself stranded in northern Alberta with no money and no food, and then weasel your way into his truck, where you immediately mesmerize him with your wide, nervous eyes."

"Hey!" Rogue exclaimed. "That's not how I told the story!"

"That's how I imagined it," Kitty retorted, taking back little Obi-Wan from Jubilee, who was too busy smirking to notice.

Taking charge of the situation once more, Jubilee said, "Girls, please!" She turned to the girl sitting beside her. "Now, Kitty, if that was a way of getting Logan to notice you, Rogue would be sleeping with him instead of with us." Taking possession of the notebook once more, she added, "We won't give her a turn, since she obviously doesn't know what she's doing."

Rogue sat fuming and Kitty slapped Jubilee against the shoulder. "What? I was kidding!" Jubilee stood and hopped back over to Rogue's bed. She sat next to her and squeezed her arm. "I kid 'cause I love, babe."

The corners of Rogue's mouth twitched upward. "All right. Fine. You two can have your fun but I can tell you right now, it's not going to work."

"It will, too," protested, Jubilee. "Come on. Have a little faith."

Kitty suddenly stood up and began pacing the room, clutching little Obi-Wan closely to her. "Okay, let's get serious. It's one in the morning and we haven't come up with a reasonable way yet."

Jubilee playfully bumped her shoulder into Rogue's and laughed, "Show up naked in his bed?"

Rogue's nose wrinkled as she replied, "That's a way to kill him, Jubilee, not get him to notice me."

"I think if you showed up naked in his bed he'd notice plenty, Rogue," added Kitty, knowledgeable in all things nude since watching Trainspotting.

"Right before he died." Rogue sighed. "He thinks I'm a kid."

Jubilee perked up at the words. "That's it!" Kitty and Rogue both looked over at their friend, confused. "So, we prove to him you aren't a kid anymore!"

"How do you propose we do that, Jubilee?" drawled Rogue. "Show him how mature my friends are?" She nodded towards Kitty who was placing tiny kisses on little Obi-Wan's ears.

A startled Kitty looked up. "What?"

Jubilee raised her eyebrows and replied, "We have to get you a man, too."

Momentarily blustered, Kitty bit back. "I wouldn't talk Jubes. What are those? Smurf pajamas?"

"Hey, I'll have you know these were damned hard to find! They cost me a pretty penny on Ebay."

"I think my point's been made," said Rogue, chuckling

"We're not the point, kid ," Jubilee huffed. "The point, is to get him to see you're older... "

"Wiser. More sophisticated," added Kitty excitedly.

Rogue was shaking her head. "I don't know."

"What could it hurt to try?"

"Let's see. My dignity, my pride, my self-respect... " Rogue began counting off the items on her fingers.

"Oh, come on. It won't be that bad. Will it, Kitty?"

"What?"

"Stop staring at that bear and pay attention." Jubilee was in full leader mode now, and Rogue could see there was no stopping her. "Here's what I propose: We - meaning Kitty and me, because we can't leave this up to you - will write a list of ways for Logan to see you're not a kid anymore." Before Rogue could open her mouth to protest, Jubilee continued. "Everyday, you will try out one of the items on the list. I will come up with three items. Kitty, you'll come up with two."

Rogue was shaking her head and frowning. "There is no way I'm going to follow a list you two come up with. No way, no how."

"Why not?"

"Kitty, do you remember Jubilee's last bright idea?"

"I... "

"She thought it'd be a good idea to go check out what the boys had planned for the talent competition? So, she had you phase into their room?"

Kitty glared at Jubilee with remembered anger. "But we miscalculated and I ended up phasing into their bathroom while John was taking a shower!"

"Well, thank god you shut your eyes then," Jubilee drawled. "Or you'd be sweet on St. John Alderyce's naked behind."

"Jubilee!" Without thinking, Kitty threw little Obi-Wan at Jubilee, whom it hit right on the noggin. Realizing what she had done, she threw herself over the bed and recovered the abused bear. "Look, what you made me do."

"Fine," Jubilee said. "You don't trust me? All right. Rogue, Kitty will be here to make sure my items aren't out of line."

"That makes me feel better," Rogue mumbled.

"And, just as you have to follow our list, we have to do one thing you think of." Jubilee leaned over and hugged an unconvinced Kitty. "Both of us."

Rogue still didn't look quite convinced, but had noticeably warmed to the idea.

"Come on," Jubilee sing-songed. "You know you're wondering about it... "

Closing her eyes, Rogue sighed and replied, "Fine. Fine, I'll do it. God, I know I'll live to regret this."

---

Day 1 - (Dr J's entry) The mutant subject (aka Rogue) is ready to begin phase 1 of the Get Me Wolverine experiment. As per her instructions, she is donning an especially revealing outfit consisting of lace and leather and little else. In order to ensure the purity of the experiment, the experimenters (me and Kitty) will have to keep close tabs on the day's activities without interfering directly. Binoculars will be necessary. Added to the materials section of the lab manual will also be a sound amplifier. Kitty can phase herself into the AV room and ste - that is, borrow the equipment.

(Dr K's entry) We had a bit of problem with the subject this morning as she apparently did not approve of the lab procedure. That is, however, neither here nor there. She must follow the instructions to the letter or face the wrath of little Obi-Wan. The force is strong in that one. Besides, we have to do whatever she thinks of. Boy, I'm really not looking forward to that one. She is going to be pissed, with a capital P.

(Dr J) All right, the subject is now approaching Area A (aka The Rec Room). She seems to be having difficulty walking. Note to self - the subject is not comfortable in six inch heels, although they do make her look quite tall and model-like.

(Dr K) It is unfortunate to see the subject trip in that manner. If experiment fails, it will be because of this incident. No way will Wolverine buy her as older and sophisticated now.

(Dr J) The subject is being helped to her feet by said Wolverine. He seems to be laughing, but not overly so. Perhaps the subject has a future in comedy. Perhaps, that is the way to the gruff Canadian's heart? Will have to note in lab manual.

(Dr K) Older and sophisticated went out the window when subject failed to bat her eyelids successfully. Instead, the fall caused an undue amount of stress. Sweat and makeup do not mix. Remind Dr J to buy the kind of mascara that doesn't run. Raccoon eyes went out in the sixties.

(Dr J) The subject is completely oblivious to the mascara quite liberally dribbling down her cheeks. She does appear to be blinking quite rapidly. Wolverine is watching her rather amusedly, which makes me think the comedy thing may not be such a bad idea. Subject makes a pretty convincing clown.

(Dr K) She's going to kill us, I think.

(Dr J) Subject must have caught her reflection in the television screen because she is running out of Area A quite rapidly. While this researcher believes the subject is not endowed with the gift of super speed, it will have to be looked into.

(Dr K) She's definitely going to kill us.

---

"You!" Uh oh, thought Jubilee. She's got us now. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Us?" squeaked Kitty. She had dragged poor little Obi-Wan to the first run of the experiment and was afraid now he would be terribly injured.

Rogue was angry. She was seething. If not for the fact that she wasn't a dragon, she would have been breathing fire. "Look at me! Does this seem right to you? Does it? I look like a GD raccoon and neither of you helped me!"

"We can't interfere in the experiment," offered Kitty, in an unfortunate choice of words.

Jubilee was smirking. "GD?"

All hell broke loose then and there. It all happened too quickly for words. Rogue, in a fit of anger and disgust and pure rage, grabbed poor helpless little Obi Wan. It was a tragedy of Greek proportions. Euripides would have been proud. He would have cast Rogue as his Medea, had he seen her in her fury. Alas, it was Kitty Pryde who was left to scream out for little Obi Wan, wrenched from her arms, taken at such a young age, for such petty reasons.

"Dude, Rogue, chill. You don't want to do anything you'll regret." Jubilation was watching carefully. In Rogue's hand was an interestingly sharp hair pin. It was aimed right at one of little Obi Wan's eyes. Ironic, thought Jubilee, that it was Kitty who chose that pin.

"No! Not little Obi Wan! Take me instead! Please, Rogue, I beg you! Me!" Kitty was in hysterics, blubbering like a fool over her bear.

Rogue, all powerful now that she had a hostage, glared at her past tormentors. "All right. This is it. You all are going to have to rethink this whole thing."

Hands out in supplication, Kitty whimpered, "Anything, we'll do anything, Rogue."

"Shut up, Kitty!" Dr J was not quite ready to offer 'anything' as a bargaining chip. Hell, she didn't even care about Kitty's stupid bear.

But Rogue had taken Kitty's words and flown with them. "One, no more humiliating outfits. Anymore skin showing and I'd be classified as a lethal weapon."

"That was the point," muttered Jubilee, who promptly shut her mouth under Rogue's withering gaze.

"Two," the subject continued, "there will be no weaseling out of my plan for the both of you. No exceptions."

Kitty was nodding like the fool she was and Jubilee had no choice but to nod grudgingly.

Dr J and Dr K thought Rogue looked a bit too pleased with herself when she declared, "Three: I will personally oversee any item on your list and have final veto power."

A hand clamped over Kitty's mouth before she could speak. "No way, babe." Jubilee readjusted her hand when she felt sharp little teeth biting at her palm. "This is not going to work if we leave it up to you."

Rogue's eyes widened so much Kitty thought they'd pop out of her head. "This isn't going to work if it's left to me? To me? This is my fault now?"

"You have no proof it wasn't working up to the point you ran away."

Her mouth was open, Rogue knew, but all that was emerging from it was a strange rasping sound.

"Plus," added Kitty, having extricated herself from Jube's grasp, seemingly less concerned about the fate of little Obi Wan's eye, "maybe the whole mascara thing was working for him. He is kinda weird."

Jubilee was nodding. "Dude, babe, he is."

"I cannot believe what I'm hearing."

"Let's just hand over the little Obi Wan," Kitty was saying, "go back up to our room and rethink the experiment for tomorrow. Okay?"

She was reaching for her tribute to Ewan but was blocked by Rogue's voice. "No! We're not through today yet."

Jubes and Kitty blinked. "We're not?"

A decidedly malicious grin crossed Rogue's face. "I believe it's your turn, lab rats."

---

(Dr R's entry) I didn't think this would be quite so much fun but watching Subjects K and J scurry about like chickens with their heads cut off... Well, nothing beats that. Subject K was understandably reticent about parading her pride and joy for St John, but she'll get over it. What she won't get over is the fact that she had to explain just why the dumb thing is called little Obi Wan. This sound amplifier really comes through in a pickle:

"What are you talking about Kit?"

"Um, well, see, Obi Wan was really dashing and stuff..."

"That's a bear."

"Yeah, but, he's really cute and he just reminds me..."

Silence.

"See, Ewan is just about..."

"Ewan?"

"Yeah, Ewan. And, well, little Obi Wan..."

"Who's Ewan?"

"Um, McGregor. You don't know who Ewan McGregor is?"

"Was he that guy who was in Trainspotting?"

"Yes, but - "

"Man, that was so gross, when he had to climb into that toilet? Man."

"Uh huh, as I was saying..."

"And then he was naked. Shit, what was that guy thinking? Did you see that Kit? Did you see that guy's dick in that movie? Damn embarrassing if you ask me."

"I didn't."

(Dr R) Not a note technically found on a lab report but: ha ha ha. Now, on to Subject J. This was a doozey to think of. Yup, this experimenter personally thought about this for a full five seconds before deciding on it. Damn straight. Ah, yes. There's Professor X now. And Jean's with him. Even better. I have got to hear this:

"Jubilee. Good afternoon."

"Woof."

"Jubilee, are you all right?"

"Meow."

Silence.

"Snort."

"Professor, should I probe her mind?"

"I'm concerned for her, Jean. Perhaps she is undergoing some sort of breakdown."

"Grrrr."

"Should I take her to the lab?"

"That may be wise. Let me try communicating with her. Jubilee, can you hear me?"

"Cheep cheep."

"Professor?"

"Perhaps she is trying to tell me something."

"Cock a doodle do."

(Dr R) Well, I think that's it. Maybe we're even now. Subject J is running away from the Prof and Jean, who both look quite confused. This one time, I'll excuse the fact that she isn't flapping her arms like I told her to.

---

"Shit Rogue, that was cold."

Rogue nodded. "Even?"

They were back in their room now and Kitty felt free to stroke little Obi Wan's furry head without garnering strange looks from St John. "I'd say so, Rogue." She paused. "At least until tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?"

Jubes whipped out her notebook and picked up a pencil from her desk. "Yes, tomorrow. You didn't think we were giving up on this, did you?"

"I was hoping," Rogue squeaked.

"No way in hell. Come on Kitty, we have to think up Day 2." She turned and winked at Rogue. "You'll like this one. Trust me."

Trust me, thought Rogue. Yeah, right. "I trust you about as far as I can through you."

Jubilee was already dragging Kitty out of the room. "Tomorrow, Roguey. Tomorrow."

---

"A fight is the next best thing to sex."

Holy crap with whipped cream on top. "What?" Rogue wasn't quite sure she'd heard correctly. She was praying she hadn't.

Kitty was characteristically cheerful, tossing little Obi Wan in the air, and catching him with a small "Weeh." She was demented. "Sure. You can just ask him to teach you."

"He already teaches us."

"Private lessons."

Oh no no no no no. "Oh no no no no no no."

It was midnight and the only illumination in the room was coming from Jubilee's Smurf night lite. Rogue watched as her friend bounced up on her bed. "Why the hell not?"

"Private lessons? That sounds... That sounds like..."

"Fun?"

Rogue snorted. "It sounds like my excuse for getting him to touch me."

"So?" Kitty's light laughter filled the room and both Rogue and Jubilee had to shush her. "What? That's exactly what we're trying to do."

"Rogue. Babe. We're not asking for your opinion. This is on your agenda for tomorrow." Jubilee stood up and padded over to her desk. She grabbed a sheaf of papers, which she dutifully handed over to Rogue.

Sitting up in bed, Rogue leaned over and switched on the lamp on her bed stand. All three girls groaned as the heavy light hit them. Blinking, Rogue took the papers in hand and examined them. "What the - what is this, Jubilee? A diagram? How in the heck am I supposed to follow this?"

Kitty answered for her friend. "It's like a script. You have to follow it to the letter or it won't work."

Raising an eyebrow, Rogue replied, "Is that so?"

The sarcasm was lost on Kitty. "Yeah. And, if everything is done right, then you just follow the little drawings." She pointed at some stick figures on the page. "I drew them myself."

Jubilee nodded and patted Kitty on the head. "You're very talented, Kit. Now, the most important part is the script. I wrote that."

Turning to the next page, Rogue saw what looked like a movie script. Logan's lines had been inserted as well. "How do you know what he's going to say?" she asked incredulously. What was wrong with these girls?

Jubilee smirked. "He's only like the most predictable guy on Earth. Like, just now when I was coming back from the bathroom, I ran into him and said, 'Hey there'. You know what he said?"

Rogue's face remained impassive. "No."

"He said, 'Hiya, kid.' Just like that. That, my friend, is predictability."

"Uh huh." Rolling her eyes, Rogue sighed deeply. "That proves?"

Pride filled her every pore as Jubilee pointed at the writing on the page. "Read."

(Logan enters gymnasium. He is wearing sweats and little else.)Rogue's eyes flew upward. "Jubes..."

Innocence personified batted her eyelids: "What?"

"Nevermind."

(Logan enters gymnasium. He is wearing sweats and little else.) Logan: Hey kid.

Rogue: Hi, Logan. (Rogue stares at Logan with her big, brown eyes) How are ya?

(Logan saunters over to Rogue and flexes his muscles, which has a devastating effect on said Rogue) Logan: Ready for the lesson?

(At this point, Rogue's instinct will be to smile prettily. She will, however, fight this instinct and throw him a sultry look instead) Rogue stopped reading long enough to glare at her friend.

"Stop looking at me like that."

"Jubilee - "

"Keep reading," the young Asian urged.

"And look at the drawings," Kitty chimed in.

Rogue: Sure, sugah. Bring it on!

"Sugah? I don't talk like that, Jubilee. And stop snickering Kitty!"

"Come on. You're ruining the mood. Read all of it, for Logan's sake."

Rogue frowned.

"Well, Logan's like your god isn't he?" Jubilee explained, giving Kitty a high-five in celebration of her cleverness.

Shaking her head, all Rogue could mutter was, "Whatever." Everyone around her was losing her mind. "Weak."

Jubilee crinkled her nose in confusion. "What?"

"This is weak, Jubes. He'll see right through this."

Kitty decided this was the time to chime in. "No he won't, Rogue. Logan is denser than lead."

Rogue groaned and hid her face behind her hands. "Oh, geez. This is like something out of some bad romance novel."

"Exactly the point," Jubilee declared.

Mesmerized by her own drawings, Kitty gestured toward some especially inspired moment in which... Rogue frowned. What exactly was that mess of stick figures depicting? She shook her head while Kitty nodded knowingly. "What?"

Smirking, Kitty replied, "Come on. You don't need me to spell it out for you."

Rogue looked to Jubilee for help. "I think she does, babe."

"Um, well, you know. You know."

Rogue remained genuinely unaware of her friend's meaning.

Blushing furiously, Kitty tried again. She began outlining the figures with her finger. "See? There you are and that there is Logan." She cleared her throat. "You really have to read the script to get the full picture."

The fury in Rogue's eyes shone more brightly than Jubilee's Smurf night lite. "I think I get the picture well enough, thank you."

Sensing a moment of possible retaliation, Kitty ran to her bed and grabbed hold of little Obi-wan. Jubilee just laughed. "Just keep reading, Rogue."

---

She couldn't believe this. She couldn't believe she was doing this. And she couldn't believe her friends were watching by video surveillance.

The door to the Danger Room slid open and Logan strutted in. He was wearing sweats and, oh God, little else. Was a tank top considered little else? Were tank tops considered the male equivalent of the bra? It certainly seemed so.

She resisted the urge to let her eyes widen in innocent guile, instead throwing a look that Jubilee guaranteed would "melt butter".

"Hey, Logan," she purred.

He gave her a smile, confusion etched on his face. "Hey, kid. Something wrong with your eyes? You're kind of squinting."

Uh, oh. This was not in the script. She straightened and gave up on the sultry gaze thing. "No. No, I'm doing fine."

He nodded. "You ready?"

She swallowed, sat on the floor to begin stretching and choked out, "Sure, sugah. Bring it on."

Logan coughed and gave her a strange look. "OK."

The stretching went on a few minutes as Rogue wondered just what Jubilee and Kitty were thinking.

---

Little Obi-Wan sat on Kitty's lap as she munched on Cracker Jacks and stared at the video monitor. Jubilee caught her offering the bear a piece of caramelized popcorn but decided to remain silent. Sometimes, it was just too weird to comment on.

"She's been stretching for a while," Kitty said through a mouthful of Jacks.

Jubes nodded. "Well, maybe she wants to be limber, in case...."

"Gah!" Kitty was choking on her Cracker Jacks. A hard slap on the back brought a chunk hurling out of her mouth. It promptly landed on little Obi-wan. "Gross, Jubilee," she managed.

Rolling her eyes, Jubilee replied. "Yeah. Next time I'll let you choke."

Kitty's sneer disappeared when she caught Rogue getting up. "Ooh. Action time!"

Jubilee smirked. "Good thing she wore that body suit."

Logan's next action made Kitty bounce in her chair and point excitedly at the screen. "He's getting behind her!"

Jubes was right there with her. "Man!"

Gasping, Kitty added, "He's putting his hands around her waist!"

"Shit."

"Is he going to teach her something?"

"Babe, I certainly hope so."

Kitty frowned. "Wait, what's - "

Before Kitty could finish her question, Rogue did something that made both Kitty and Jubilee cringe.

She brought a heel down on Logan's toes so he loosened his grip. Immediately, an elbow was jammed into his midsection. The height achieved by her leg was astounding. The apparent force of Rogue's back kick dropped Logan.

Kitty whimpered. "What's she doing?"

Jubilee scowled and shook her head. "Fighting?

"Why?"

Jubilee's scowl deepened. "This is not what I wrote."

"Did she just grab him by the hair?"

Astonishment: "Yes!"

"Ouch."

"I don't care what kind of healing powers you've got, repeated blows there have got to cause some permanent damage."

Kitty winced. "No little Wolverine's running around, I guess."

Jubilee stood up, ready to turn the monitor off in disgust. "Did she not read the script?"

"Or look at the diagrams?" supplied an indignant Kitty.

"I mean," Jubilee began, pacing the small room, "who exactly is teaching whom here?"

Kitty shook her head angrily. "No one!"

"Right. I mean, look at that. She's got an arm around his throat, gagging him, squeezing the begeezus out of him." She paused, blinking at her apparent naivete. "Oh my God."

"What? What?" Kitty remained puzzled.

Jubilee fetched her bag and pulled out the notebook. She flipped the pages to Kitty's diagram and waved it around her friend's face for a few seconds. "Kitty, you drew that! Look!"

Kitty took the notebook from Jubilee and studied it carefully. "Yes, but I meant that to be a hug, not a violent act of aggression."

Sighing, Jubilee brought a hand down to slap Kitty on the head. She stopped right before hitting her intended target. Instead, she picked up little Obi-wan and began pummeling Kitty on the shoulders. Kitty retaliated by slapping Jubilee across a thigh with the notebook. "Okay, okay. Stop!" Jubilee called it off when the notebook began coming apart. Their work, she thought, must not be in vain.

"All right," Kitty said breathlessly. "What now?"

A nervous Jubilee took the notebook from her partner in crime and said, "Well, Picasso, we have to figure out what comes next." She looked up at the monitor. "I mean, what follows kicking Logan's ass?"

Kitty's eyes went to the action on the screen. Rogue was literally kicking Logan in the behind. "I don't remember drawing that."

"It doesn't matter what you drew, it matters what Rogue saw." She turned her attention to the drawings. "Okay. Here. See? This, I kid you not, looks like stick figure Rogue shoving her foot up Logan's non-existent stick booty." Jubilee's eyes widened. "Oh, shit. Shit shit shit shit."

Kitty grimaced. "What? What happens next?"

Before Jubilee could answer that question, the Rogue on the monitor (for certainly that could not be sweet Rogue, their friend), began using what could only be referred to as patently fake wrestling moves. She ran to the far side of the Danger Room and, to Logan's complete surprise, executed a mean clothesline maneuver. However, considering Rogue's size in comparison with Logan's, it was not Logan who was felled by the move.

"Shit."

"Huh."

"Damn."

"I drew that?"

"There's no chance I didn't just see that, right? I mean, there's no chance in hell I'm having a bad nightmare and Logan is not laughing his freaking butt off right now, is there? She didn't just imitate Hacksaw Jim Dugan on a bad day and take herself out of commission?" Jubilee groaned. This was not good.

Kitty did not respond. She was having to much fun writhing around the floor, laughing hysterically, trying hard not to crush little Obi-wan under her heaving bosom.

Pinching the bridge of her nose, Jubilee tried not to cry. Rogue would not be happy about this. No, she would not.

---

"You!"

Kitty hid behind Jubilee, less than bravely facing a sweaty, angry, and rather worse-for-wear version of Rogue.

"You want action?" Rogue hissed, taking the notebook and picking up a pen. "I will give you action."

Jubilee and Kitty both quaked in their respective boots.

---

Kitty swallowed down the lump in her throat and walked into Jean's lab.

Looking up from her work, Jean smiled and said, "Hi Kitty. What brings you around?"

"Uh, well, you see, I'm sort of worried about Jubilee."

Jean's smile disappeared. "Oh, I see."

"Yeah. Um, have you noticed anything strange?"

"As a matter of fact, I have. Have you?"

"Yes."

"Like what?"

"Like, she waddles around sometimes, pretending she's a penguin."

"..."

"And, uh, she has trouble communicating unless it's in animal speak."

"Animal speak?"

"You know, barking and stuff."

"How long has this been going on?"

"Oh, I'd say about a year."

"A year?"

"Yup."

"And you just came to me know?"

"Well, I didn't think it was serious before."

"Before what?"

"Before today. I think it's mating season, Dr. Grey."

---

"Hey, Jubilee. What's up?"

"St. John."

"Anything the matter? What are you holding behind your back?"

Jubilee shook her head. "Nothing."

"Oh. Have you seen Kitty?"

"No."

"Damn, that girl's weird. Has she shown you her bear?"

"No."

"Okay. Well, I've got to get going."

"Wait."

"What?"

"St. John, will you..."

St. John watched in bewilderment as Jubilee seemed to fight an internal struggle. "Huh?"

"Will you..." She was pulling at her earlobe and twitching now. "Damn it, all right!" She breathed in and shouted, "ST. JOHN ALLDERYCE, WILL YOU GET NAKED WITH ME AND FATHER MY CHILDREN?"

Before John could do anything more than stutter, she ran away.

---

"I don't think I can forgive you this one."

Rogue rolled over in bed. "Did you not see me humiliate myself in front of Logan? I think your little thing with St. John was nothing in comparison. You don't even care what he thinks."

Jubilee snorted. "That's beside the point. Now the whole school thinks I'm a major nut job."

"You are."

"And," Jubilee continued, "why exactly did Queen Amidala over there get off scott free? It was her 'diagram' that got you in trouble in the first place. If you'd just followed the script as written - "

Kitty was snickering under her covers but promptly stopped when she heard Rogue say, "Don't worry about her, Jubilee. Revenge is a dish best served cold. Freezing in fact."

Practically whimpering, Kitty replied, "It was not my fault. Never did I draw a choke hold. That was supposed to be a hug. A hug damn it." She leaned over and embraced little Obi-wan. "Why are artists always so misunderstood?"

---

"You're so gorgeous, you know that? Absolutely delicious! I could just eat you up, yes I could. With a spoon!"

"Kitty?"

"Awww, who's the cutest ever? Huh? Who's just the cutest - "

"Kitty!"

Kitty, busy bestowing all sorts of kisses and caresses and compliments on her stuffed bear, little Obi-wan, looked up to see Jubilee scowling at her. "What?"

"You are wacked."

Little Obi-wan was squeezed tightly as Kitty scoffed at her friend. Rogue sat in her bed, watching the interplay between her friends with amazement. She cleared her throat and said, "You two wanted to show me something?" This was the time of day she had come to dread. She would be scarred for life she knew, and owed it all to her best friends.

Jubilee jumped up and proclaimed excitedly, "Yes! Yes, we do. Don't we Kitty. Kitty, will you please let go of the bear and concentrate for a minute?"

Reluctantly, Kitty sat little Obi-wan on her pillow and stood up. She grabbed the infamous notebook - the one that kept all of Jubilee and Kitty's secret plots for helping Rogue woo Logan - and tossed it in Rogue's direction. Happy to have done her part, she threw herself back onto the bed and grabbed her tribute to Ewan.

Rogue gingerly picked up the notebook and stared at Kitty. "Okay, what now?"

Shrugging, Kitty placed a kiss on little Obi-wan's nose and replied, "I don't know. It was all Jubilee this time."

Rogue sat up straight as a ramrod. "Wait. Just wait. The deal was that you both would come up with something." She looked over at Jubilee, who was busy picking at her fingernails.

"Hey, babe, you're absolutely right. If you don't like it, Kitty and I will both come up with something and I'm sure it will be just as successful as the last two..."

"No!" Rogue smiled demurely and said, "No. Let me just take a look at it. I'm sure it's fine." She opened the book and flipped to the third page which was clearly labeled "Day 3: Jealousy=Logan's Downfall". The notebook was slammed shut in less time than it took Kitty to say "I love Obi-wan".

Before Jubilee or Kitty knew what was happening, Rogue began to laugh. It started as a low chuckle and worked its way into full-scale cackle. Jubilee and Kitty exchanged a worried look. Kitty tiptoed over to Rogue's bed, where her friend was rolling around like a pig in mud, literally laughing so hard she was crying. "Uh, Rogue? Roguey, are you okay?"

In between fits of laughter the words "Jubilee", "jealous", "Scott", and "Oh my God" could be made out.

Jubilee waited, hands on hips, for Rogue to finish her little fit. "Kitty, step away from her. She's gone insane."

That did it. Rogue, tears streaming down her reddened face, sat up and pointed at herself. "I've gone insane?" she asked, eyes wide and, Jubilee thought, sort of psycho looking. "I've gone insane?"

"Uh, yeah."

Hiccups seized Rogue, and she groaned. "Now look what you've done."

Frowning, Jubilee replied, "I haven't done anything."

Before Kitty knew it, the notebook was flying through the air in her direction. She had to drop her precious cargo in order to avoid getting hit in the head. "Hey! Watch it."

"Read," Rogue commanded.

Kitty opened the notebook and turned to the third page. She began to read: Day 3: Jealousy=Logan's Downfall, by Jubilee. Kitty giggled. "Sounds good."

Rogue, holding her breath in order to stop the insidious hiccups that had seized her, gestured for her to continue.

Kitty did.

**Hypothesis: Rogue+Scott=Jealous Logan

Materials: Logan, Rogue, Scott, flowers

Prodecure:

1) Send yourself flowers

2) Tell Logan they are from Scott

3) Get Scott alone

4) Make sure Logan finds out about it

5) Use the time-tested, all-powerful tool of jealousy to get Logan to fall flat at your feet and worship there forever**

Kitty's nose crinkled. "Scott?"

"What? He's hot!"

"Huh. Yeah, I guess he is."

"Sco - " Rogue couldn't even get through saying the name without breaking out into a renewed fit of laughter.

Jubilee sat down and pouted. "What's wrong with Scott?"

After a few moments of deep breathing, Rogue seemed to regain her composure. Finally, she said, "Nothing's wrong with Scott. He is cute." She paused to giggle. "But he's like my teacher, you know? It would be like seeing myself romantically attached to an older brother or father." She made a face and shuddered.

"He's not old enough to be your father," Kitty pointed out.

"You know what I mean."

Jubilee waved her hand about to get her friends' attention. "Hello? I'm not saying go get it on with Scott. Just pretend there's a possibility in order to get Logan jealous."

"What about Jean?" asked Rogue.

"What about her?"

"Jubilee, she's engaged to Scott."

Jubilee rolled her eyes and sighed. "Details, details."

"I don't think she'll notice," Kitty interjected. "She's too busy trying to figure out what's wrong with Jubilee."

"Shut up, Kitty."

"And what about Scott?" Rogue continued. "I don't think he'll just roll over and let us use him as a pawn in our demented little scheme."

Jubilee looked mildly offended. She pulled at her hair and replied, "Okay, first of all: demented? This scheme is pure genius." Kitty coughed. "It is. And, B: Scott doesn't have to know. Nowhere in the procedure does it say 'Go do something dumbass like tell Scott what you're planning'!"

Rogue winced at Jubes sudden huffiness. "Okay, okay, but how the heck is this going to work without Scott knowing about it?"

A smile formed on Jubilee's face. There was an unnatural brightness in her eyes as she pointed at her temple. "It's all in here, babe. Perception." Before anyone could think to point out any more flaws in her plan, she grabbed the phone and tossed it at Rogue. "Call."

"Huh?"

"The florist."

"Oh. Now?"

Jubilee nodded. "Yeah, now. Get a dozen long-stemmed roses."

Rogue raised an eyebrow. "Those are expensive."

Jubilation Lee, best of friends, worst of foes, replied, "Dude, a dozen wilted daisies just won't cut it. 'Ooh, lookie how much Scott loves Rogue. Daisies. Or, gag me with a spoon, carnations. Carnations!" She pointed at the phone. "Call. Kitty will help you pay."

---

The flowers arrived just as Logan was busy explaining the intricacies of a carburetor to a bunch of teenaged mutants.

A tall, lanky delivery boy, dressed in a striped shirt with a patch that read "Linda's Flowers", marched to the front of the class and practically shoved the bouquet into Logan's nose. Logan was not pleased. "What the hell are these?"

Confusion and fear mingled on the boy's face. "Flowers." A glance at the older man's face was cause for an amendment. "Sir."

Not in the mood for smart-ass replies, Logan said brusquely, "I know they're fu - I know they're flowers. Who're they for?"

The delivery boy handed the card to Logan and glanced down at his order sheet. "Uh, a rogue?"

Jubilee pinched Rogue's arm, a movement that caused the girl to squeal and stand up. She quickly moved to take the roses from the delivery boy. "Thanks," she said, handing him a tip. Turning, she swiped the card from a surprised Logan and moved back to her seat.

At the end of the class, Jubilee and Rogue made sure they were the very last to exit. As they did, Jubilee loudly asked, "So, who are they from?"

"Oh," Rogue replied, equally loud, "They're from Scott."

"Scott Summers?" Jubilee asked, continuing the farce. "Cyclops."

Rogue inwardly groaned but managed to sound chipper when she answered, "Yup."

Jubilee gave Logan a sidelong glance and was rewarded with an appropriate glare. She almost rolled her hands in Machiavellian glee then and there.

---

"Binoculars?"

"Check."

"Communicators?"

"Check."

"Audio amplifier?"

"Check."

"Camera?"

"Check."

"Funyons?"

"Check."

---

The plan was simple. Get Logan to walk in on a seemingly compromising interlude between Rogue and Scott. Simple. Very simple. Child's play, in fact.

Rogue followed Scott into the workout room. Jubilee went to track down Logan. Kitty sat, binoculars in hand, communicator ready, and waited.

The Fearless Leader was bench pressing, oh, 150 pounds when Rogue showed up. She got on the machine next to his - an odd contraption she'd never tried before - and thought of things that would be appropriate to say. Things that would - what had Jubilee said? - seem to insinuate something else. Wink, wink. Nod, nod.

"Hi, Scott." Placing one foot on one side of the machine and one on the other, Rogue felt appropriately athletic.

He grunted a hello but he didn't seem to want to converse. Maybe it was all that weight he was lifting.

Rogue took the towel she was carrying and ran it across her forehead. "Boy, it sure is hot today." Had that been sultry enough? She didn't seem to have a good track record with sultry.

Scott dropped the bar and the resulting clang echoed through the room. "You need help there, Rogue?"

"Huh?"

Pointing to the odd contraption Rogue was sitting on, Scott replied, "With the machine."

Quick, what's the sultry, flirtatious reply to that? "Yes, please."

Smiling, he stood and walked next to her. Seeing how she was sitting turned that smile upside down. "Your feet go up here."

"What?" Where?

"Here."

Oh. It seemed one leg would go a pedal on one end of the machine, and one went on another other. This sort of reminded her of...

She almost scrambled to get off the hellish device, but Scott was holding her feet in place. "See?" he asked. "And then you just push up."

Oh God. Oh God. Oh God. Where the hell was Jubilee? "You know what? I think I'll try the next thing. I kind of already did my leg exercises for the day." She managed a small chuckle.

Scott nodded and smiled. "Okay, sure. Now, this one is tricky. It's really easy to do it wrong." Uh oh. He was in full leader mode now and there'd be no stopping him. Wait, wasn't this what she wanted? Well, she certainly had his attention now.

A crackling noise in her ear almost made her fall over. "Rogue," Jubilee's static-filled voice said. "He's on his way. Make sure it looks good."

Scott was pulling her over to the next apparatus. "Lie down," he instructed.

Rogue stared back blankly.

"Go on."

She did as she was told but had a sinking feeling things were going to go very wrong. She wasn't sure she wanted to be on her back when Logan came in to see them.

"Okay, good. You're going to hold on here." He guided her hands to the grips on the sides of the bench. "Right. Now lift your hips."

Rogue propelled her hips and legs upward. This was not a good exercise.

"No," Scott corrected. "You don't want to use any momentum from your legs. You're using your abdominal muscles."

She almost cringed when he placed his hands on her hips and asked her to do it again. When she heard a gasp coming from the doorway, she just about died.

Apparently too busy teaching, Scott was still saying, "Right, that's right. Good" when Logan ambled over to the weight bench. Jubilee had followed him like a lost puppy and looked about ready to spot him if he decided to start lifting.

Scott and Logan usually gave each other the evil eye, but this time there was a bit more bite in Logan's snarl. "One-Eye, you exercise with little girls now?"

Fury shot through Rogue like a lightening bolt, but before she could say anything Jubilee spoke up. "That actually looks like a lot of fun."

Three voices responded in unison: "Oh?"

"Yeah, uh, you know, firm up and stuff. You seem to know your stuff there, Scott. And you're teaching Rogue. That is so rad. I wish I had some older, cool guy to teach me stuff."

Logan looked like he wanted to say something derogatory, but he kept his mouth shut. Rogue was still on the bench, and Scott's hands were still on her hips. It appeared to be a rather sordid tableau.

To which walked in Jean Grey.

However, her eyes did not immediately connect to her boyfriend's hands on Rogue's hips, or to Logan's decidedly unstable demeanor. "Jubilee! I've been looking for you."

"Me?" Damn. She was going to kill Kitty! What kind of a look-out was she anyway?

Telepath Grey had blinders on, decided Jubilee, if she thought the most interesting thing going on in the room was her.

"Yes. I need to speak with you about your condition."

Rogue's let out a sharp bark of laughter, but quickly sobered when the other mutants in the room turned to look at her. Jean glanced mildly at Scott, took no notice of his hands, and said, "Hi Scott." Without waiting for a response, she turned back to Jubilee. "We should really make an appointment for you. We can have Professor X there too, if you'd like."

Jubilee was sure that her beet red face clashed horribly with her yellow jacket. "Uh. Let me get back to you on that," she muttered.

"Okay," Jean replied, although she didn't look entirely convinced. "Don't wait too long." With those words, she exited the gym without another glance at Logan, Scott, or Rogue.

Scott finally shook himself from his apparent trance and let go of Rogue. He smiled sardonically at Logan and said, "Just helping out a teammate." He looked to Rogue. "Let me know if you need any more help with that." Jubilee watched in amusement as Rogue continued lying uncomfortably on the bench while Scott grabbed his bag and made his way out of the room. Logan was glaring at no one in particular. Then, he too left the room.

Rogue closed her eyes and rolled off the bench, landing with a thud on the hardwood floor.

Jubilee was at her side instantly, grinning and saying, "Babe, that worked so well."

"Did it?"

"Are you kidding me? Logan was furious."

Sighing and shaking her head, Rogue replied. "That doesn't mean anything. He just really doesn't like Scott."

"Well, we'll have time enough to find out tomorrow."

Rogue grimaced. She almost didn't want to ask. "What happens tomorrow?"

"The experiment continues."

---

Flopping down on her goose-down comforter, Rogue let out a loud sigh. "I do not have the energy to dole out your punishments."

"Kitty should be the only one punished."

"What? What'd I do?"

"Exactly, braniac. You did nothing."

"Is it my fault junk food makes me sleepy?"

"Funyons aren't junk food."

"Guys, please shut up. I have a headache."

Jubilee shook her head. "Oh, no you don't. My punishment is never ending and she gets nothing." Rogue snickered. "It's not funny! They think I'm insane."

"You are."

"I demand Kitty be punished!"

---

"Hey, Kitty!"

"Oh, John, hi."

"Why so blue?"

"Uh. No reason. Have you seen Bobby?"

"Yeah, I think he's in our room. Why?"

"Can...can you give him a message please?"

"Sure."

"Tell him...God. Tell him: 'Kitty's come down with mono and will be unable to date ever again. Furthermore, her love is reserved for little Obi-wan the bear who shares her bed and makes love to her nightly.' Can you tell him that please?"

"...."

"John?"

"Uh huh."

"Thanks."

---

She thought she was in an earthquake until she fully awoke to screams of “I’ve got it! I’ve got it!”

Rogue cringed and shielded her eyes from the sudden light flooding the room. She heard Kitty mumble, “What in blazes…? Jubilee, turn that off.”

A sigh of relief escaped from Rogue when Jubilee actually complied. The peace lasted only a few seconds before the bouncing on her bed resumed.

“I have a feeling,” Rogue grumbled, “that if I don’t ask right now just what it is you’ve ‘got’, I’m not going to get any sleep.”

“Right you are, babe,” came the gleeful response.

“Oh for crying out loud,” Kitty exclaimed from beneath her blanket. “Just ask already! I need my beauty sleep.” A beat. “And dreams of Ewan.”

Rogue sat up in bed and rubbed her eyes. She didn’t bother stifling the yawn that escaped her lips. “Okay. What is ‘it’?”

So excited was Jubilee that tiny little sparkles were lighting up her face. “Well, I’ve been thinking - ”

“God save us all.”

“I’ve been thinking,” Jubilee emphasized, “and I have figured out what the next thing you have to do is. This is sure-fire!”

Rogue remained silent. She was actually a tiny bit frightened.

“Tell us!” Kitty sounded scared too, probably because if Rogue was sufficiently humiliated, she and Jubilee would be, too.

“Karaoke night!”

A toilet flushing on the other side of the mansion could be heard, so silent was the room inhabited by the three girls. Finally, Rogue broke in with an inhaled, “What?”

“KAR –EE – OH - KEE!”

“What does that mean?” Kitty half-mumbled through little Obi-Wan’s worn fur.

“It means,” Jubilee explained slowly, as to a couple of half-witted mutants bent on making her life miserable, “that Rogue gets to serenade good ole Wolverine.”

The sound of Rogue gagging on her own saliva made Jubilee giggle. She bounced over to her erstwhile friend and slapped her on the back.

“Are you serious?” Kitty asked. “You’re going to have Rogue sing her love to Logan? You are sick and twisted and this time… Hey, you may have something there.”

Rogue fell back onto her mattress and covered her face with her pillow. The muffled scream was all too audible.

“And,” Jubilee added, unaware that she was perilously close to losing her precious little head, “I’ve picked out the songs!”

Kitty’s enthusiasm was growing, as her shout of curiosity evidenced. “Oh, which ones? Which ones?”

Only too willing to comply, Jubilee began counting her choices on her fingers. “Well,” she began, “I was thinking ‘Lady Marmalade’ because, heck, it just makes sense.”

“Of course,” replied Kitty, mesmerized. A whimper barely made its way through Rogue’s pillow.

“And then I thought she could follow that up with ‘Sex-o-matic Venus Freak’. Another given.”

“Yeah. Then what?”

Jubilee looked like she was about to continue, then shook her head suddenly. “Then,” she poked Rogue’s blanketed shoulder, “I thought I’d let her pick one.”

“Really? You trust her that much? I’m impressed, Jubes.”

“Yeah, you know, I thought it was only fair.”

Rogue sat up suddenly, sending Jubes tumbling off the edge of the bed. “Fair? This is fair to you? Singing ‘sex’ anything to Logan is not my idea of a fair deal.”

“Rogue,” Jubilee explained patiently, “this is an easy way to confess your feelings to the big lug without actually saying anything, you dig? You’ll just sing it.”

“I have a terrible voice,” Rogue said wearily, hoping against hope that she could engender some mercy in her once-best friend’s cold, barren heart.

“Who doesn’t?” was the yellow-clad one’s casual reply.

“Ewan has a rather lovely singing voice,” came Kitty’s dreamy reply. She was clenching little Obi-Wan so tightly its head looked like it had the stuffing transferred up from its poor little body.

An idea entered Rogue’s head like a heaven sent message. Surely they’d need permission to organize such an event. “I don’t think Professor Xavier will approve of a Karaoke Night, Jubes,” she said primly.

“Oh?” Jubilee smirked and then smiled broadly. “He already has. We had one last year with little or no notice. Didn’t we Kitty?”

“Hmm. But that was just us whipping out the machine for St. John’s birthday. I wouldn’t call it a ‘Karaoke Night’, per se.”

“Nevertheless,” Jubilee interjected, “he saw no problem with us singing for fun.” She jumped up from her position on the floor and ran back to her own bed. “Tomorrow, luckily enough, is Friday. A Friday night Karaoke fest is perfect. I’ll tell the Prof in the morning and then Kitty and I will round up the usual suspects for the fun. Who shall we invite? Uh, Bobby and St. John are givens.” She laughed. “As is Logan. Who else? You think the adults will want to come?”

“I think,” Kitty mused, “that if we want Logan –an adult – to show up, we’ll have to make the others come, too.”

Rogue was all over that idea like lint on a wool coat. “Wait! Wait, stop right there. You want me to make a fool of myself - not just in front of Logan - but also in front of the entire X-Men team? Do you think I am insane, Jubilation Lee?”

“What’s a good way to answer that, Kitty?”

“I’d say ‘no’, Jubes.”

“No, Rogue, I do not think you are insane. That is why you will merrily go along with my little plan. We will have a good time, you will have your man, and all will be wonderful. Fun for all!”

Rogue rolled her eyes and decided she was having a bad dream. “Oh, joy,” she mumbled, as she prayed sleep would claim her once again. Or prove that she was in fact just having a nightmare of epic proportions. She pinched herself just to make sure. Ouch. No such luck.

---

“Testing, testing.” Jubilee slapped her hand against the microphone and winced when the feedback became unbearable. “Turn it down, Kitty,” she shouted.

“All right.”

Jubes put the mike back up to her lips and whispered, “This is for all the fans out there. Without you, I’m nothing.” When Kitty giggled, she broke out into her once famous, now legendary Supremes routine. “Stop,” she belted out. “In the name of LOVE. Stop! Think it oh, OH-OH-VER.”

“Is that what you’re doing tonight? I thought you had new material.”

“Ugh. If only. Actually Kitty, I have bad news.” Kitty held her breath. “I’ve promised Rogue we won’t take our turns until after her. Which means…”

“Which means,” Kitty exclaimed, “that we are once again at her mercy! Jubes, how could you?”

Jubilee chuckled. “Hey, babe, a deal is a deal. We promised that if she does what we want, we do what she wants. Hopefully, it’ll go well. If she and monkey-man are making googly eyes at each other, she won’t have the inclination to punish us, right?”

“I guess.” Kitty sounded unsure.

“You doubt the Jubilee’s plan?”

“Uh…”

“Don’t answer that.”

“It’s not so much doubt, Jubilee, as a sinking feeling way down deep in my belly. Like life as I know it will be over once Rogue lets loose ‘I am the automatic easy freak all over you’. That’s all.”

“No, it’s great, Kit, don’t you see? Rogue has to speak Man Talk. Men are extremely dense when it comes to these matters. Mutant men even more so. It’s a genetic thing.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. The most important thing to remember when speaking Man Talk is to be absolutely clear about your intentions. None of this pussy footing about that usually goes on. That’s been our problem all along, babe – we’ve tried to hide our intentions. Well, I say, no more! Let us be bold! Let us step forward and announce: Yes, Wolverine, Rogue wants you. She wants you badly!”

A throat cleared behind her and Jubilee nearly fell over.

Kitty’s eyes were wide as she whispered, “Oh, Jubes, you are so damn lucky that wasn’t Logan.”

“Jubilation Lee,” Rogue proclaimed, “you had best shut that trap of yours if you don’t want me sticking my boot where the sun don’t shine.”

For the first time in forever, Jubilee refrained from speaking and merely nodded.

Rogue sighed. “How long before the show?” She asked it in the same manner one might ask, “How long before the execution?”

“Let’s see.” Kitty checked her watch. “About thirty minutes. I was just about to round up the crew. Bobby and St. John promised to sing a duet.”

“Great.”

“Oh, I very much doubt it.”

“I meant, it’s great that I won’t be the only one making a complete jack-ass out of myself.”

“Oh.”

“Speaking of which,” Jubilee interrupted. “I need to set a couple of ground rules.” Rogue raised an eyebrow and just about bared her teeth. “This is for your own good, babe. First, you must perform at least one of the songs I have chosen for you. Sexomatic or Marmalade, it’s your choice. The other one is your choice too. I just hope it’s not too syrupy.” She winked. “Okay. Now. Rule numero two, and most important: you must make eye contact with the Wolvster. By eye contact I don’t mean a glance. I mean, at least ten seconds.”

“Ten seconds!”

“Yes. I know it seems like forever, but it’ll be cool. You must be bold!”

“You said that already, Jubes.”

“Yes, but I must reiterate my stance. Very important.”

“Right.”

Jubilee smiled again and put a comforting arm around her lovelorn friend. “It’ll be great, Rogue. Really.” She looked over to Kitty. “Go grab Hall and Oates, will you? Let’s get this show on the road.”

---

“Wow, nice turn out, huh? I guess mutants really don’t have anything better to do on a Friday night.” Jubilee snickered and ribbed Rogue. “You’ll have quite an audience.”

“Shut up.”

“Yup.”

St. John and Bobby walked up together, looking like a pair of Ken dolls. They were wearing a cop uniform and cowboy outfit, respectively. “We’re doing ‘Y.M.C.A.’,” announced Bobby.

Kitty, Rogue, and Jubilee merely stared.

“What?” asked St. John.

“Nothing. Just, uh, step right over there.” She pointed. “You’re after blue boy over there.”

The duo marched over to their spots. When they were out of earshot, Jubilee said, “Why don’t they just sing ‘I Know What Boys Want’? I’d get a kick out of that.”

Kitty frowned. “What do you mean?”

“She means,” Rogue responded, “that those two are queerer than a two dollar bill, that’s what.”

“What? Don’t say that! St. John’s so cute!”

“Not saying it isn’t going to make it any less true,” a rather amused Jubilee replied. “You’ll just have to find a hetero mutie to pine over. But not Logan - he’s taken.”

“Speaking of Logan,” Kitty said, “I haven’t seen him. Is he here?”

“Of course he is. He’s standing in the corner, drinking beer, and looking sullen. You know, typical Wolverine behavior.” Jubilee looked over to the youngster performing. “Shit. He looks like he’s going to pass out if I don’t help him. How hard is it to sing ‘La Vida Loca’?”

Kitty stood on tiptoe and looked for Logan. “Oh. There he is. Oh. He’s talking to Scott.”

That got Rogue’s attention. “What?”

“Gosh, I hope they aren’t discussing what went on in the gym.”

“Bite your tongue, Kitty.”

“Well, we still haven’t experienced the fallout from that.”

Rogue groaned.

“Have you decided what you’re singing?”

“Kit, I wasn’t given a great choice, was I? Of the two, I guess I’d rather do ‘Lady Marmalade’. I can sorta fake my way through it and pretend it’s not about what it’s about.”

“Sounds good,” Kitty said dubiously.

“Yeah.”

“What about the other choice?"

"Oh, I'm not sure about that yet."

“You want help?”

Rogue frowned. “From you?”

“Yeah. You want me to cue up a song for you? I’ve got the perfect one.”

“No. This is my choice, remember?”

“But you haven’t made one,” Kitty pointed out.

“Still.”

“Come on. I won’t pick anything bad. I promise” She held up two fingers. “Scout’s honor.”

“You were never a Scout.”

“It’s a figure of speech.”

“I don’t know…”

“Please?”

Kitty had mastered the sad, puppy-dog face and Rogue was not immune to it. “All right. Fine. Yeesh. You just better not pick any of that weird stuff you listen to. Half the time, I can’t even understand the words.”

Jumping up, Kitty exclaimed, “I promise,” and ran off to find her CD.

Rogue looked around and trembled violently. She’d never seen the rec room quite so full of people. They were all looking towards the far wall where Jubilee and Kitty had set up the Karaoke machine. A screen faced the brave performers. At that moment, Jubes was grinding up against a pimply newcomer singing ala Ricky Martin. When the song was finally over, the boy bowed and left the makeshift stage. Jubilee, working as emcee, bowed too, and introduced Bobby and St. John. The crowd cheered wildly as the intrepid duo made their way over to the microphone. Then the singing began and it was so God-awful Rogue had to laugh. She glanced over to where Logan stood and noticed he was wrinkling his nose in disgust. But he was smiling, too. She felt her lips turn up in response. At least he was having a good time. But for how long? Her stomach flip-flopped and she suddenly felt quite sick. How had she gotten herself into this particular mess?

She closed her eyes and listened to the familiar refrain. “YMCA,” she sang along. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. The crowd seemed to be enjoying itself. Maybe they’d all see it as a big joke. Maybe.

Before she knew it, the song was over and she heard Jubilee say, “Okay, folks. Next up, our very own Patti LaBelle is going to delight us with two songs! Give it up for Rogue and ‘Lady Marmalade’!”

She was fairly sure she would fall over if she tried to walk. Jubilee walked over to her and pushed her in the direction of the microphone. It was a few seconds before she could collect herself enough to look at the monitor. The song was starting without her. “Hey sister, go sister, soul sister,” she half sung, half mumbled. She repeated the words on the monitor numbly, very aware that Jubilee and Logan were staring at her, albeit for completely different reasons. Jubilee was waiting for the eye contact. Logan was probably amused beyond belief.

The chorus came up on her before she knew it and she thought it was as good a time as any. She was starting to get more and more into it, despite the fact that her voice had cracked at several inopportune moments. Rogue swallowed and turned to look at the object of her affection. She felt drunk on the power of the spotlight. “Voulez vous coucher avec moi,” she crooned, “ce soir?”

She heard Jubilee cackling in the background.

Promise kept, Rogue thought, as the music wound down. Out of the corner of her eye she caught Kitty running excitedly towards her. She was waving a CD in her hand. Crap. Why had she agreed to two songs?

The crowd – especially Logan – was still staring at her during the break in music, so she felt she had to say something. “Uh,” she uttered. “This next one is,” she looked at Kitty, who just grinned, “a surprise, I guess.”

Suddenly, a strange techno mixture filled the room and Rogue’s memory strained to place the song. Oh, no. Not this. Had Kitty really done this to her?

Not Björk. Anything but that.

Rogue closed her eyes. Okay, she thought, I can do this. Kitty has played this a million times. I just have to concentrate. God, of all the songs…

She opened her eyes and began singing the words on the monitor. “I wish: I want to stay here,” she began, voice trembling. The music was getting ahead of her. “I wish: this be enough. I wish: I only love you.” She opened her eyes to see Logan staring back at her. Oh goodness. Her legs felt weak. The song was getting ahead of her again. “How can I ignore? This is sex without touching. I’m going to explore,” she sang. What had Jubilee said a million times? Oh, yes: Be bold! “I’m going to explore. I’m only into this to enjoy.”

People started applauding rather lukewarmly. It was over. That was it. The song was actually over. And Logan was still looking at her…

“Babe?”

“Huh?”

“Kitty and I were sort of wondering what you were going to make us sing?”

Rogue was in a daze. “Oh. That. Uh. What was it you were going to do?”

“Supremes.”

“Okay. Do that.”

Kitty and Jubilee watched as Rogue ambled away, seemingly lost in her thoughts. Jubilee brightened. “See? See, Kitty?”

“What?”

“Monkey man made her forget about our torture!”

Kitty giggled. “That’s great.” Then, “She can’t hold it, can she?”

“What?”

“Our torture? She can’t hold it for another day, can she? ‘Cause if she can, we’re screwed.”

Jubilee looked puzzled. “Why would we be screwed? It worked out great.”

Kitty blinked. “It may have, but you didn’t here what Logan said to Scott during Rogue’s rendition of Marmalade.”

Jubilee’s eyes went round. “What did he say?”

“I only heard something like ‘You’d better be careful, One-Eye.’ It sounded hostile.”

“Why would he say that?”

Kitty grimaced. “Because he thought Rogue was looking at Scott?”

“What?”

“Well, they were standing right next to each other and… he got the wrong idea. He thought Rogue was looking in Scott’s direction.”

“Shit.”

“Yeah.”

“We’re deep in it.”

“Possibly. Maybe.”

“Definitely.”

---

Rogue woke up before she opened her eyes. In the dream she’d been having, she’d been suddenly overwhelmed by a bright light, as if she were a deer about to be struck by a semi. Now, she knew why. “Jubilee! Get that damn flashlight outta my face,” she growled.

Jubilee didn’t giggle as expected. Nor, in fact, did Kitty. When Rogue opened her eyes, it was to find a scarily dark, sinister male form standing before her. The light he held on her made it hard to see. Before she had a chance to scream bloody murder, the intruder said, “It’s not the brat, Rogue, it’s me. Just doing a bed check.” The sinister male sounded a lot like Logan.

“Oh,” Rogue found herself saying. Then, squinting, she added, “Bed check?” She didn’t think she’d had a bed check since arriving at the school. Did they even do those?

“Yeah,” Logan replied, still flashing that godforsaken light in her face. “Your buddies are AWOL.”

That got Rogue’s attention. She sat up in bed and nearly slapped the lantern out of Logan’s hands. “They’re what?”

“They’re gone.”

Something was very, very wrong. Rogue thought she might be dreaming, except for the fact that in her dreams, Logan in her room would not be standing around like an idiot, blinding her. “I don’t get it,” she said dumbly.

“Well,” Logan replied oh so slowly, “they aren’t here.”

Rogue frowned. “I know they’re not here, I just don’t understand why they would be gone.” A horrible thing occurred to her just then. “God, Logan. What if they’ve been kidnapped?”

The snort he emitted was answer enough for Rogue, but he went ahead and said what he was thinking anyway. “Who’d want those two?”

“That’s not funny.”

“Sorry,” he replied, but he sure didn’t sound it.

---

“Ouch!” Kitty grabbed her shin and grimaced.

“Shh!”

“You, shh!”

“Shut up, Kitty!”

Kitty could see the outline of Jubilee’s figure, but not much else. Wolverine’s room was dark…and scary. “I don’t get why we have to do this now. If we get caught, we’re as good as shish-kabob.”


“We have to do this now because the Wolvster roams the mansion at this time of night and his room is empty.”

“What if he comes back? We’re - ”

“Shish-kabobed. Yeah, Kitty, so you said.”

“This is incredibly dangerous and stupid, Jubes, and I don’t know why I let you talk me into this sort of thing.”

“Because I threatened to chop up little Obi-wan and feed him to the fishes?”

Silence.

“I’m kidding, Kitty.”

Kitty was nonplussed. “And why no flashlight? How are we supposed to see whatever it is we’re looking for?”

“If you don’t shut up, the only thing found will be us.”

Ignoring the threat, Kitty kept talking. “It’s not like the Wolverine keeps a diary…”

That made Jubilee giggle. She immediately placed a hand on her mouth in order to stifle the increasing laughter. “That would really be something,” she managed.

Kitty laughed, too. “What would it say?”

“Oh, let’s see. ‘Dear Diary: Today I beat me up some bad guys. It felt good.’”

Chortling, Kitty added, “ ‘Dear Diary: Rogue is so cute. Do you think she has a crush on me?’”

“Ha ha ha.” Jubilee’s laughter echoed through the room.

Kitty put a finger to her mouth. “Shh!”

“Shut up, Kitty.”

“You started it.”

“Never mind,” Jubilee said, sighing. “We’re looking for something we can use. Like, I don’t know…”

“That’s helpful, Jubes.”

Jubilee ignored the sarcasm. “Something…” She had moved to a plain dresser and was rifling through a drawer.

“Animal, vegetable, or mineral?”

Jubilee pulled something wrapped in a small handkerchief from inside. “Interesting,” she mumbled.

“It is?”

“Well, it is until I get a good look at it.” She stuffed the item in her jacket pocket. “It’ll have to wait until we’re out of here.”

“Amen. Out of here and back to the safety of our own room.”

Meanwhile, back at the ranch…

Sheriff Logan was just about ready to alert the cavalry and Miss Rogue was doing her best to stop him. “Logan, this is stupid.” Logan raised an eyebrow. “I mean, they’re probably just getting something to eat or something.”

“They eat in tandem?”

“They do everything in tandem,” Rogue replied, nodding furiously.

Logan sneered, but decided not to make any more derogatory comments. “If something’s wrong, the professor should know about it,” he pointed out.

Rogue chewed on her lip. “I know, but we shouldn’t make a fuss until we make sure.” If Kitty and Jubilee had gone on some joy ride, she didn’t want to alert Professor X. They’d be in enough trouble for having gone off without her.

Rogue thought she saw Logan snarl. “So,” he began. “Did you have fun tonight?”

“Tonight?” she asked, mortified. She had been hoping that the whole episode would be forgotten and that no one would mention the word ‘karaoke’ in front of her ever again. Ever. “I guess so. But who remembers, right? Just stupid…” The words trailed off as Logan’s eyes flashed in anger. It could have been the reflection of Jubilee’s Smurf night lite, though.

“Summers seemed to like it.”

Huh? “Huh?”

Just when Rogue was about to pursue Logan’s nearly inexplicable non-sequitor, the door to the room flew open and the objects of the manhunt appeared. They’d been conversing rather loudly for two prowling mutants, but as soon as they spotted the large silhouette of a man in their room they froze. They looked like they’d been caught with their hand in the cookie jar.

A squeak escaped Kitty’s lips. Jubilee merely said, “Hi.”

Logan wasn’t impressed. “Hi? Where the hell have you two been?”

As Kitty said “Bathroom”, Jubilee simultaneously responded “Eating.” Kitty grimaced at the mistake, but Jubilee kept going. “We went eating and then, later, to the bathroom.”

Rogue sat in her bed, astonished by her friends’ incompetence. Usually, they were much better liars. “I told you, Logan,” she said quickly, trying to help her sorry roommates. “They do everything together.”

Looking like he’d had quite enough of explanations for one night, Logan merely shook his head. “Fine,” he said, raising his hands in exasperation. “Whatever. I just don’t want to see you guys out of here after your curfew again. Got it?”

“Sure.”

“Definitely.”

“Uh huh.”

Logan stalked out of the room and slammed the door shut behind him. When his footsteps were no longer audible, Rogue turned to the hapless miscreants who stood before her. “So,” she said, “where were you knuckleheads?”

Kitty eyed Jubilee for a cue. Jubilee smiled. “In Wolver-weenie’s room.”

Kitty giggled at the new moniker. Rogue wasn’t half as amused. “What? Why?” she asked, concerned her friends had truly, finally gone completely bonkers. “You could have been killed,” she added seriously.

“That was what I said!”

“Shut up, Kitty.”

Rogue’s head shook in confusion. “Hello? What were you doing in Logan’s room?”

“Looking for something,” Jubes replied indignantly.

“For what?”

“Stuff,” Kitty said. “We weren’t really sure.”

Rogue crossed her arms and waited.

Jubilee shrugged. “We were looking for something we could use, you know...for our list.”

“Brilliant.”

“It might have been,” Jubilee replied, reaching into her pocket. She pulled out the small object she had purloined from Logan’s dresser.

Rogue’s eyes widened. “What’s that?” she asked, frightened of the answer. “You didn’t take that from his room. Tell me you didn’t take that from his room, Jubilee.”

“I didn’t take that from his room.”

“Jubilee!”

“Um, ok, I took it from his room,” Jubes said. When Rogue opened her mouth to protest, she interrupted. “But, I did it for you, babe.”

Rogue buried her face in her hands, nearly crying. “Oh, God,” was her muffled exclamation. She peeked out from between her fingers. “Kitty, why in the world didn’t you stop her. What were you thinking?”

Kitty was already sitting on her bed, looking for her prized bear, little Obi-wan. She held him up for inspection. “She threatened him,” she mumbled darkly.

The thought of throttling both her friends passed through Rogue’s mind. “Okay,” she said, exhaling sharply. “What did you steal?”

Jubilee passed the object from one hand to the other. “I don’t know,” she replied honestly. “I just took it ‘cause I couldn’t find anything else.” Playing with the handkerchief, she added, “Should I check?”

“Considering you’re risking your very life for it, I’d say ‘yes’.”

Carefully unwrapping it from the hanky, Jubilee produced what looked like… “A hunk of metal?”

Rogue rolled out of bed so she could get a closer look at what Jubes was holding; Kitty wasn’t far behind, a little Obi-wan in tow. “I think that’s a piece of adamantium,” Rogue whispered.

Jubilee crinkled her nose. “Why would Logan keep a piece of metal in his sock drawer?”

Kitty shrugged. Rogue looked pensive before answering, “Maybe he found it during his latest trip to Canada. A clue to his past?”

You could almost see the light bulb going on over Jubilation Lee’s head. “That’s it,” she exclaimed.

“What’s it?” asked Kitty, half preoccupied with picking imaginary lint off little Obi-wan.

“His freaking past! Rogue, this is so going to work.”

Rogue stepped back, afraid. “What is?”

“You want to win Wolvie over? Show him how mature you are? You help him find out about his past!”

Rolling her eyes, Rogue sighed. “Not if it works as well as all your other schemes.” She sat on her bed and frowned. “Logan was being weird before you guys showed up.”

“He’s always weird.”

“No, I’m serious. He said something about Scott liking karaoke tonight.” Kitty and Jubilee were oddly quiet. “Why would he say something like that?”

Kitty stretched and yawned loudly. “I am so tired,” she said loudly, pulling her blanket over her head. “I think I’m going to go to sleep now.”

Subtlety, thy name is Katherine Pryde. Rogue looked from Jubilee to the shrouded Kitty and back again. She stood up and walked over to Kitty’s bed, poking her with an index finger. “Kitty, do you have something to tell me?”

“No,” came Kitty’s reply, almost a whisper.

“Kitty?”

Jubilee was uncharacteristically silent. When she too crawled into her bed, Rogue knew something was up. “One of you is going to tell me what’s up or you will both be very, very sorry. Kitty?”

“Yes?”

“You care for that bear of yours, don’t you?”

“Yes.”

“Kitty, listen to me. If you don’t tell me right now why you and Jubilee suddenly became conveniently sleepy, I will take that sorry excuse for a teddy bear and you will never see him again.”

“Why is everyone down on little Obi-wan?” cried Kitty.

“That’s harsh, Rogue.”

Rogue glanced over to Jubilee’s still form, also covered by a blanket. “I wasn’t talking to you, Jubilation, but if you want we can discuss what sort of torture I can inflict on you.”

“Enough,” Kitty shouted, extricating herself from her sheets with a bit of difficulty. When she had successfully uncovered her head, she said, “Fine, Rogue, you want to know the truth?”

“Kitty, don’t.”

Kitty took a deep breath. “Rogue, Logan thinks you were serenading Scott. Heck, he probably thinks you love him or something.”

“He what?”

“At karaoke night,” Jubilee added dryly. “When you were looking in Wolvermeister’s direction and Scott was standing right next to him? He sorta thought you were gazing longingly at Cyke.” When Rogue looked like she was about to faint, Jubes quickly added, “No big deal, though.”

Rogue walked slowly back to her bed and plopped down on the mattress. “You two should get a good night’s sleep,” she murmured.

Worried, Kitty asked, “Why? Are you all right?”

“Oh, I’ll be fine, I’m sure. But I just remembered that I forgot to give you guys my list tonight. Guess you’ll just have to do it in the morning, won’t you?”

A shock wave rippled through the room. Kitty hugged Obi-wan tightly and Jubilee stared longingly at her Smurf night lite. Neither felt much like sleeping.

---

The dining room, Rogue surmised, was busiest for breakfast at about 8:30 in the morning. At that time, Jubilation Lee made her entrance wearing her Smurf pajamas and a strange look on her face. She walked to the center of the room and loudly proclaimed, “I LOVE CHICKEN.”

The roomful of young mutants became eerily silent. Jean Grey, resident doctor, telekinetic, and sometime psychic, nearly dropped her non-fat yogurt. Poor Jubilee, she thought. Such suffering, such sorrow has finally led to a breakdown.

“WHAT DO I LOVE? CHICKEN!”

Dr. Grey watched as Jubilee strutted about like farm fowl, flapping her arms as though they were wings and clucking. It was too much to bear. Jean used her telekinetic powers to immobilize the poor soul. She rushed over to Jubilee and calmly said, “Don’t worry, honey. It’ll all be fine.”

Jubilee’s eyes went wild with fear. Why the hell couldn’t she move? Before she knew it, Professor Xavier had rolled into the room. “We should take her to the infirmary,” he said solemnly. “Then, we’ll probe her mind.” All this happened while dozens of would-be superheroes gaped at the spectacle before them.

The only cool part, Kitty thought as she watched through the viewer of the camera (Rogue had insisted the entire event be Memorexed), was when Jubilee had been carted off, á la Hannibal Lecter. That had been cool.

---

“Your turn.”

“Oh, please Rogue, I’m begging you!”

“Go.”

Kitty lowered her head and whimpered. She walked to Bobby’s room and knocked. “Hey, Kit. What’s up?” he asked upon answering.

Music suddenly filled the hallway. Bobby looked around, confused. Then, Kitty began to sing. “Johnny, er, Bobby are you queer boy?” she wailed, like a good 80s pop girl. “Bobby, are you queeeeeer?”

Bobby looked dumbfounded. Kitty just kept singing, prodded by the thought of Rogue holding little Obi-wan hostage. She even got up the courage to do a little shimmy. Before long, St. John poked his head out of the doorway and watched the show. He and Bobby exchanged a look.

Before either could say a word, Kitty stopped singing and took off. “She can really run,” observed St. John.

Bobby scratched his head. “What do you suppose that was all about?”

Johnny shrugged. “I dunno. She’s just weird I guess.”

A few minutes later, back at the three stooges room…

Kitty huffed and puffed as Rogue snickered over her torture. “It wasn’t funny, Rogue.”

“Yeah, it was.”

“Where’s Jubilee?”

“I thought she’d been with you. Didn’t you get her out of the infirmary?”

“No. Was I supposed to do that?”

“Oh, God, Kitty, we weren’t supposed to leave her there! The professor was going to probe her mind!” Rogue jumped up and ran out of the room.

Kitty blinked, shook her head, and followed.

---

“I don’t care how many times you apologize, Rogue Whatever-your-last-name-is. I got probed!”

“Well, at least now Professor X and Jean know you’re not crazy.”

Jubilee glared at Kitty. “That’s not the point. I got probed!”

Rogue swallowed. She said the following with great difficulty: “It should make you feel better to know that I still have to do whatever you say with regard to the Logan list.”

That seemed to cheer Jubilee up a bit. She smiled. “Don’t worry, Roguey. I won’t retaliate. ‘Sides, I sort of had it coming. Now we have to fix this thing with Cyke and Wolverine.”

Shoulders slumped, Rogue replied, “Yeah.”

“Don’t worry, though. I have just the thing.”

“You do?”

Grinning, Jubes said, “Totally. But, it’ll have to wait until tomorrow. I’ll need some time to get over my mind probe. Come on, guys. Let’s go to the mall.”

---

Rogue awoke. There was nothing really remarkable in that except she had not been pulled from a deep slumber during the night, Jubilee had not jumped on her bed or yelled in her ear, and Kitty had not prattled on about little Obi Wan. No, indeed. It was morning and Rogue had slept a full eight hours, uninterrupted.

What gives? she thought.

Before she could enjoy the silence a large, yellow envelope caught her eye. She rolled over to her nightstand and nervously picked it up. There, written in small, neat handwriting were the words “Rogue’s List”.

Without a thought, Rogue slammed the cursed object back onto the table and rolled to the other side of the bed. She could feel her heart race as she thought about the envelope and its contents, all sitting but a few feet from her.

“Those rats,” she mumbled churlishly. They’d obviously been scared to tell her just what they were up to. Otherwise, why go to the trouble of leaving the list and disappearing before she woke up?

She peeked at the envelope again, curious and frightened at once.

“If I open it,” she thought, “I’ll have to do whatever’s on that list. If I don’t, I’ll be accused of backing out on our deal. Either way, I’m a big, fat loser.”

She gazed at the envelope once more. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. Maybe Kitty and Jubilee weren’t trying anything funny. Maybe they’d just gone on an errand. Maybe...Hell had frozen over.

Because the anticipation was killing her, Rogue jumped up from bed and grabbed the envelope, ripping it open. She pulled the list out and sank back on her bed as she read.

Dear Rogue,

You’re going to think we’re the biggest cheats this side of “Temptation
Island”. But we’re not. Honest. It was just that Jubilee and I thought it
best to let you try this one on your own. No outside interference – that
means us. So…

Here it is: What we want you to do next is simple. A child could do it
(though that’d be weird). We want you to stroll up to Logan and ask him to
go to the movies with you. That’s it. No elaborate plot, no Machiavellian
scheme. Just go ahead and ask him. And if he says no (though why would
he???), we’ll bring you back cookies from wherever it is we are (Jubilee has
sworn me to secrecy).

Good luck, babe. Break a leg and all that.

Love,
Kitty

Rogue stared at Kitty’s teddy bear stationary for several long moments. She blinked and re-read the letter. There had to be some mistake. Her crazy friends had suddenly disappeared and been replaced by clones. Defective clones, at that. Maybe Jubilee’s mind probe had affected her brain. Maybe Kitty had inhaled too much of little Obi Wan’s careworn fur.

How was she supposed to go up to Logan and just ask? Weren’t there rules about that sort of thing? And what if he did say no? All of this time she ‘d been trying to get him to notice her she hadn’t thought of what would happen if he finally did. Or didn’t. If Logan rejected her, Rogue didn’t think a cookie would mend her broken heart.

Sighing, she folded the letter and put it back in its envelope. Maybe Jubilee and Kitty had finally hit upon something she refused to do.

---

Kitty and Jubilee walked side by side as they slowly approached the area known, quite ominously, as the Danger Room. St. John had told Kitty he had seen Wolverine head towards it. And if anyone noticed handsome, manly mutants heading anywhere, it was St. John Allderyce.

They reached the plain sliding door simultaneously, turning to look at the keypad next to it almost in sync. “Now what?” asked Kitty. “We don’t have access, and Professor X would kill us – well, probe us… me, you again maybe – if he found out we were trying to get in.”

Jubilee mulled over the idea for a bit before responding, “I know who has access.”

“Who?”

“Scott.”

Kitty shook her head. “Scott who?”

“Summers!"

Confounded, Kitty turned to leave, muttering, “You’re insane in the membrane.”

Jubilee caught her friend’s arm and sighed dramatically. “Kitty. Kitty, look at me.” Kitty did so, grudgingly. “Kitty, Kitster. When have I ever done something that actually endangered our well-being?”

Kitty gasped, surprised. Her eyes went wide at Jubilee’s bravado. “Uh, let’s see –discounting oh so many other times – how about the time you made me sneak into a highly deadly clawed mutant’s room? And then you got yourself mind probed. In the same day. Which was yesterday, by the way.”

Shrugging, Jubilee waved a hand, dismissing Kitty’s claims as “minor setbacks.” Instead she proclaimed, “We have to find Scott and we need to get to Logan, otherwise Rogue might get to him first, and that won’t work at all.”

“I thought you said we were going to let her deal with that herself?”

Jubilee blinked.

“Well, you did!”

Jubilee giggled at her friend’s apparent naiveté. “I was lying, Katherine. There is no way I’m just going to let Rogue do that. We have to help her. That’s what friends do.”

There was a moment of brief silence in which Kitty seemed to ponder that. Then: “Jubilation Lee, I don’t know why I listen to you! Nothing we’ve done so far has helped Rogue one iota, and you know it!”

That outburst caught Jubilee off-guard. She took a stepped back and held out her hands. “Whoa! Shadowcat, hold your horsies. We have no conclusive proof that what we’ve done hasn’t had an effect.” She wrapped an arm around Kitty’s shoulders. “ ‘Sides, it can’t hurt, can it?”

“I don’t know,” responded Kitty, dubious. “I doubt that’s what Rogue would say.”

“Darling, do you remember the time you broke your leg when you fell out of that tree because you’d been too busy staring at Bobby’s ass?”

Kitty’s face reddened and she nodded slowly.

“Who carried you?”

Kitty pointed at Jubilee.

“That’s right. And when Ororo caught me looking at your test paper, who made sure she didn’t think you had anything to do with it?”

Kitty again pointed at Jubilee, though somewhat less enthusiastically.

“Exactly. Yours truly. And who, dear heart, is going to make sure one of her best friend’s gets the man of her dreams, because she damn well deserves it?”

By now, Kitty was prepared to answer, and she proudly proclaimed, “We will!”

Jubes grinned widely and hugged her friend. “Yes, that’s the spirit! Now, let’s go find Scottie.”

“Why do you need to find me?”

Kitty and Jubilee jumped as one, shrieking as they went. They turned to see Scott Summers, aka Cyclops, aka Resident Hottie, staring back at them, expectation written on, well, his mouth.

“Uh.”

“Um.”

“…”

“Well?”

“Rogue’s in love with Logan!”

Jubilee nearly dropped dead as the words left Kitty’s mouth. “Kitty!”

“I mean… uh… that’s not what I meant.”

Scott was by this time tapping his foot against the floor. “What did you mean?”

“I meant…”

“She meant,” Jubilee interjected, “that we’re looking for Logan, because Rogue needs to talk to him. Not about love or anything. That’s silly. I don’t know why Kitty would come up with something like that. I mean, Rogue has never given indication… And Logan, I mean Logan…. You know. And, does any of that make sense to you? Logan’s… you know. And Rogue, well, again, that’s a given. That Kitty is a little, you know,” Jubilee swirled her index finger as she pointed at Kitty, “and barely makes any sense when she talks. Look at her, does she look stable to you? I don’t think so. And Professor X had my mind probed so you know I know of that which I speak.”

Scott looked more confused than ever. He turned to Kitty. “So, you need to get into the Danger Room?”

“Could we?”

“Follow me. I’ll tell Logan you want to talk to him.” He glanced briefly at Jubilee but said nothing. He instead leaned close to Kitty and whispered, “Now I know why she was probed. I’d heard things, but this takes the cake.”

Kitty nodded. “I know, I know.”

They followed him silently until they reached the Danger Room. There, he stopped and said, “Okay, I’ll tell him you’re waiting for him.”

“Tell him that it’s about Rogue, otherwise he won’t come out.”

Jubilee nodded. “I don’t think he likes us too much.”

Scott raised an eyebrow but wisely stayed silent on the matter. He punched in his secret code and disappeared behind the sliding doors in a few seconds.

Kitty sighed and leaned against the doors as they shut. “What are we going to tell him, Jubes? I don’t know if I like this idea of yours. It sounded better on paper.”

Reaching into her jacket pocket, Jubilee produced the object they had covertly removed from Logan’s room. Kitty jumped at the sight of it. “This is our only choice, babe. I’m going to give it back to him. God help me.”

“What?” Kitty bit nervously at her thumbnail.

Jubilee nodded. “It’s the only way.”

“The only way to what?”

By now, Jubilee had begun pacing, a few feet in either direction of the doors. She dragged her feet as she walked, producing a squeaking noise with her tennis shoes. “Listen, Kitty. I think that if we’re honest with him he might open up about his feelings for Rogue. What do you think?”

Kitty stopped chewing on her fingernail long enough to cast a look of doubt in Jubilee’s direction. “I think you’re batty and I don’t know what’s gotten into you. What happened to subterfuge?”

Shaking her head, Jubilee replied, “I think I’m out of ideas.”

Kitty just stared.

“I really do!”

Straightening, Kitty said, “But that’s impossible.”

Jubilee shrugged “Apparently not.”

Kitty tried to assimilate the gravity of the situation. If Jubilee was out of ideas, what did that mean for the plight of humanity everywhere? Jubilee couldn’t be out of ideas. Ideas – bad, good, and strange – were Jubilee’s forte. This couldn’t be right, she thought. It had to be a mistake. “Something wacky involving lipstick, gum, and a piece of rope?”

Jubilee shook her head.

It was becoming clear that Jubilee’s problem was more serious than Kitty could imagine when she got no response to: “How about something to do with locking them into a closet and surrounding them with scarves and pretty flowers and candy and candles and romantic music?”

Silence.

“Jubilee, I more or less handed you that idea!”

“Well, how would we get them into a closet?”

Kitty looked panicked. “That’s what you’re supposed to figure out!”

“I can’t think of anything.”

Moving quickly, Kitty grabbed Jubilee’s arm. “We have to get out of here. We can’t do this now.”

“Huh?”

“Well, you’re not thinking straight.” Kitty paused and her eyes widened. “It was that probe! I just know it was. We have to leave, Jubilee. You’re in no condition to face Wolverine.”

Jubilee sighed and shook her head. “No, I told you, I think the honest approach might really work this time.”

“Oh, Jubes, you’re just not yourself. I’m really worried this is going to backfire. If Rogue catches wind of this we’re in deep, deep trouble. And I’m not talking mind probe now. I’m talking losing a friend kind of trouble.”

A moment passed while Jubilee sorted out what Kitty had said. She then responded, “I think that this will work. And I think Rogue will kiss the ground we walk on after it’s all over.” She flashed a smile that belied her nervousness. Kitty just swallowed hard, hoping against hope that whatever happened, Rogue didn’t kill them.

---

“So?”

Logan was standing before them, sweating and breathing deeply, looking annoyed and wary of whatever they’d come to tell him.

“Hello.” Beyond that word, Kitty really had no idea what to say.

Logan just raised and eyebrow and wiped his forehead with the bottom of his t-shirt.

“We have to talk to you, Logan.” Jubilee looked very serious when she said it, and Kitty thought it must have been the first time she’d referred to Wolverine by his given name.

Logan still wasn’t saying anything.

“It’s important,” added Kitty, thinking she should add to the flow of the conversation. Logan’s general non-participation was starting to worry her.

“Oh?” Logan asked, looking bemused. “What’s so important it can’t wait for me to finish my training exercise?”

Jubilee said, “It’s about Rogue.”

That certainly seemed to perk Logan’s interest. “What about her? Did something happen?”

“Yes.”

Kitty looked at Jubilee, surprised. She almost covered her ears; she didn’t want to hear what Jubilee came up with. She didn’t want to be an accessory in her demented scheme. But then, it was probably to late to think about that.

Reaching into her coat pocket, Jubilee produced the hanky-covered piece of adamantium they had purloined from Wolverine’s bedroom the previous night. She held it out for him.

“What’s that?” he asked suspiciously.

“It’s yours,” replied Jubilee, more calmly than Kitty would have thought possible – considering the circumstances.

Quickly, Logan snatched the object from Jubilee’s hand and unwrapped it. Angry eyes were cast on the two mutant teens. “Why the hell did you have this?” he practically growled.

“Uh,” Kitty sputtered, figuring she should at least make a show of responding.

“We stole it,” Jubilee said, again much too calmly for Kitty’s liking.

“You what?” The question was yelled out for the mansion to hear.

“We stole it, Logan. But,” she added before he could start yelling again, “it was for a good cause.”

It was obvious Logan was trying to contain his rage; the vein at the side of his neck was throbbing and he looked about ready to pop his claws right then. “Good cause?” he asked, jaw clenched.

“Yes, it was all for Rogue.”

Some of the anger dissipated, replaced by confusion and doubt. “Rogue,” he said.

“Yes, our friend Rogue. Everything we’ve done, we’ve done for her,” Jubilee said. Kitty nodded her assent. It was the one thing she could wholeheartedly agree with.

“I’m listening,” he said.

---

Rogue was still wondering if getting out of bed was a good idea when there was a knock at her door. She frowned. It couldn’t be Kitty and Jubilee. They wouldn’t knock to enter their own room. “Who is it?” she called out, afraid to answer without knowing just who was on the other side.

“Logan.”

Her heart nearly stopped. Why was Logan there? What on Earth did he want? “Just a second,” she said weakly. The large, yellow envelope caught her eye and she had the good sense to hide it before she opened the door.

Freshly showered, and smelling delicious, Logan was standing on the other side of her door, looking worried.

“What’s going on?” she asked.

“You have a moment?”

She nodded and stepped aside, letting him into her room. This was the second time in three days he’d been in her room, and both situations she had not envisioned when thinking of him anywhere near her bed.

Trying to muster a smile was difficult, considering the morose expression on his face. “Logan?”

He looked sick, really. She thought that maybe something was definitely wrong, if Logan, aka Wolverine, looked as if he wanted to throw up. Very definitely wrong.

---

Kitty and Jubilee walked in silence for a while, each too afraid to speak, too frightened to voice what had just transpired.

They walked until they reached the gardens; they sat side by side on a wooden bench and sighed.

Jubilee spoke first, of course. “It’s done,” she said.

“Yup.”

“What do you think is going to happen?”

“I’m not sure. I don’t think I ever thought we’d get this far.”

“Me neither.”

They both sighed again and looked at each other warily. “If this works,” Kitty said, picking again at a fingernail – a dirty habit that expressed itself when she was nervous, as she had been so much lately – “we’ll be heroes, don’t you think?”

Jubilee brightened at the thought. “Yeah,” she concurred. Then, crestfallen, added, “And if it doesn’t, we’re dog meat.”

Standing up to stretch, Kitty walked a few steps from the bench and laughed. Jubilee’s eyes narrowed at the sight and she cautiously asked, “Kitty, are you all right? You want me to fetch Xavier? He can probe you.”

Kitty only laughed harder at that and found herself lying on the grass, clutching at her stomach as the fit of laughter continued. “Oh,” she said, trying to catch her breath, “I was just picturing what their children would look like.”

“Yeah?” Jubilee grinned. “They’ll either be absolutely precious or hairy little monsters with bad tempers.”

“God, I hope it works.”

Looking considerably more cheerful, Jubilee stood up and joined her friend on the grass. She clutched a handful and tore it from the soil, giggling as she threw it and watched it fall in Kitty’s hair. “I think,” she said, “that the best thing we can do now is sit back and wait.” She paused for a second, adding, “But we should do that from the comfort of the other side of our door.”

Kitty gasped. “You mean, go spy on them? Aren’t we in enough trouble?”

“Don’t you want to know how it turns out?”

“I think we’ll know, one way or another.”

“I mean now. I want to know now!”

It seemed that Jubilee wasn’t going to stop until she got her way, so Kitty capitulated, as she was often prone to do. “All right,” she muttered. “But I think we have to be very careful."

“Careful,” Jubilee exclaimed, “is my middle name.”

Kitty’s eyes rolled so far into her head that she thought she might lose them forever.

---

“I know the truth,” Logan said quite simply and directly.

Rogue felt faint. Whatever truth it was Logan knew, it couldn’t be good. “Truth?” she echoed weakly.

“Yes.”

“Oh.”

No one said anything and the silence was weighing down on Rogue’s head, making it ache. What truth did Logan know? Did he know that Jubilee and Kitty had stolen from his room? Did he know about their cockamamie plans to get him to notice her? Did he know now just how much she loved him? Rogue’s eyes went wide at the thought. She loved him. For maybe the first time, she admitted it to herself. She’d always known she had a crush, that she was very willing to have him notice her. But love was something else altogether. Love was a big bad scary word. And Logan was standing in her room, looking big and scary. And she loved him. Rogue sat down, dizzy.

Logan moved to stand beside her. He was looking down at her, still looking worried and somewhat confused. Where had he learned “the truth”? Rogue was afraid to ask almost as much as she was afraid to know just what secret truth Logan was now privy to.

“Do you know what I’m talking about?” he asked slowly.

Rogue had to admit she did not. “No,” she replied in a small voice.

Logan closed his eyes and dropped down beside her. “God,” he groaned. “I was hoping I wouldn’t have to explain myself.”

“That’s all right,” she said, half hoping he would go away. “I don’t really want to hear an explanation.”

Shaking his head, Logan smiled for the first time since he’d entered her room. A big weight seemed to rise off Rogue’s shoulder, and she was glad for the respite. She was afraid of what was to come, but it couldn’t be that awful if Logan took the time to actually smile. “I think I really do have to explain.”

“If you have to.”

“Your friends are involved,” he said, as if that somehow explained all of it.

Rogue practically cringed. “I was terribly afraid of that.”

“They had something important to tell me, so they went and interrupted my session in the Danger Room.”

Frowning, Rogue said, “Must have been important.”

“It was.” Logan cleared his throat. “Or so they thought.”

Rogue’s train of thought was beginning to leave without her. “Wait,” she said, “so maybe it wasn’t important after all?” It was all unraveling, and making less sense than ever. Did he or did he not know “the truth”? And if he did, wasn’t it important? Pouting, Rogue added, “Why not?”

Logan leaned back, looking smug. “Because I already knew.”

---

The a/v room properly raided for listening devices, Kitty and Jubilee approached the door to their room – currently occupied by one Rogue and one Wolverine. They gingerly set down their equipment and sat down beside it. Kitty took up one set of headphones, Jubilee the other. They listened:

“You knew?” Rogue’s voice was filled with dread and something else… Was it hope?

“Yes, I knew.”

“And, uh, why didn’t you tell me?”

“Why should I?”

There was a long moment of silence.

“Don’t you think I should know?”

“Not necessarily.”

Jubilee looked taken aback. She glanced at Kitty and mouthed: “Huh?” Kitty shook her head and shrugged.

“You don’t?”

“I don’t see why.”

“Wait a second. What are we talking about here?”

“Don’t you know?”

“I already said I didn’t.”

“But your friends - Jubilee and Kitty went looking for me, afraid to tell me something very important, something important about you.”

“Yes?” Rogue sounded expectant, as Jubilee thought she should be. What was Logan carrying on about?

“They told me that, well, they said that you had certain ideas. About us.”

Jubilee was waiting but Rogue didn’t say anything. Suddenly, Jubilee threw her headphones off and cursed. Kitty followed suit. “What’s taking so long?” Kitty asked. “What did we do?”

“I don’t know, but I can’t listen to any more. It’s driving me nuts. I feel dirty, like maybe we shouldn’t be listening in. It’s so…” Jubilee searched for the word.

“Personal?”

Jubilee nodded. “I never thought I’d say it, but yes. This is just way beyond our control. I just hope we’re not in too deep already.”

Kitty smiled and said, “You know, Jubes. I think no matter which way this goes, we did a good thing. At least it’s out in the open, right?”

“I hope so, Kitty. For Rogue’s sake, I really hope so.”

---

Rogue was beginning to get a headache. She could feel it, starting behind her left eye, waiting to attack her entire body. “Us?” Her eye was beginning to throb; she put her hand over it, hoping to alleviate some of the pressure. And to hide the fact that an old nervous tick was about to manifest itself.

“Yeah,” Logan was saying. “You and me. Us.”

It was difficult to pay attention. Rogue was interested in what he was saying, definitely, but it was hard to concentrate when she only wanted to disappear.

“You do know what I’m talking about,” Logan said loudly, as though he were repeating himself.

“Yeah, sure,” Rogue replied absently.

Frowning, Logan asked, “You sure?” He didn’t look like he believed her.

“Yeah, yeah. Sure.” She could feel the muscles on the left side of her face begin to twitch beneath her hand.

“You all right?”

“Uh huh. Never better,” she answered half-heartedly. “Please, continue.”

“Well,” he murmured before stopping to look at her with a newfound interest. “What’s wrong with your face?”

Rogue’s heart was beating a mile a minute. “What?” she asked anxiously. “What do you mean?”

“Why do you keep your hand over your face?” His tone reflected genuine curiosity rather than concern.

“I’m resting.”

“Your face?”

“Yes,” she bit out, becoming annoyed with his line of questioning. Couldn’t she hold her face without facing an inquiry?

“It just seems strange…”

“It’s fine!” It was said a bit more loudly than she meant, and Logan seemed somewhat taken aback. “Sorry.”

“Maybe I should come back later?” Logan stood up. Rogue wondered if she should let him go, then figured that would only prolong the agony.

“No, stay. I’m okay, really.” She uncovered her face, which was still twitching violently. Logan started.

“You’re - ”

“It’s a nervous tick. I’ve had it for a long time. Funny how it hasn’t surfaced in years, and now… Well, let’s just say I didn’t get it when Magneto kidnapped and threatened to kill me.”

“You’re nervous?”

Rogue had to smile. “A little bit, yes.”

Logan relaxed considerably and sat down again. “Your friends, they told me about… things. And it explained a lot about what’s been going on around here lately.”

Rogue could feel the burning in her cheeks. That couldn’t possibly help the tick.

“They told me about karaoke, about Scott and the gym, and that ridiculous outfit you wore that one day. Did they pick that out?”

Rogue could only nod.

“Yeah, it figures.” Logan shook his head and smiled. “You didn’t have to do all that, you know?”

A question marked formed on Rogue’s face.

“No,” Logan continued. “You didn’t. You already had my attention.”

Rogue was too involved in Logan’s words to notice her tick had gone.

“It might not have seemed that way, because I didn’t want to give you the wrong impression. That is, I didn’t want to give myself ideas, I guess. Does this make sense?”

Rogue wasn’t moving.

“What I mean to say is, if I had friends like yours I’d probably have made a fool of myself too. And,” he added, “It’s a damn good thing you have those two around. Because as much attention as I was paying, I wasn’t really doing much about it, was I?”

Rogue shook her head, just to make sure she wasn’t paralyzed.

“What do you think?” he asked.

Swallowing – her throat had become very dry during Logan’s speech - she replied, “About what?”

Logan frowned. “About the New York Rangers. What do you think?”

“I’m not sure what you’re asking,” she said in all honesty.

Face crinkled in disgust, Logan said, “I’m not going to ask you to be my ‘girlfriend’, Marie. I’m not in high school.”

“We live in a school,” she answered, breathless with anticipation.

Logan sighed and stood up, pacing the room for a few seconds before mumbling, “She can’t make me say it.”

Rogue stood on trembling legs. She grabbed a hold of Logan’s sleeve so he turned and faced her. He looked as nervous as she’d felt a few minutes before. My, how the tables turned. “You don’t have to say it.”

“No,” he said, reaching to stroke her hair. “I love you, you silly brat.”

They fumbled into an embrace, both wondering why they had bothered waiting so long. Rogue sighed into Logan’s ugly paisley shirt. “I love you, too.”

---

“How old is she?”

“Eighteen.”

“And he’s…”

“As old as the hills? Sixteen, as far as he knows.”

“He’s lived a hard life then.”

Jubilee choked back laughter. She said, “I’m sure he has. Besides, no sixteen year old I know has that body.”

Kitty nodded in appreciation. “She’s lucky she has us.”

“She most certainly is.”

“We’re pretty smart.”

“We’re geniuses.”

Kitty frowned. “I don’t know if I’d go that far.”

“I would. They should name their first child after us.”

“Kitjube?”

“Jubekat.”

“Terrible name.”

“And Kitjube was good?”

“I hope it works out for them.”

“Don’t be a pessimist.”

“After all this, for them to break up in a week would be a disaster.”

“We wouldn’t allow it.”

“Right.”

“We wouldn’t! We’d be all over it. Like a cheap suit. Like white on bread. Like chicken on pot pie.”

“You know, it’s kind of boring now. Without having to do all that planning. I miss it.”

Jubilee leaned her chin onto a closed fist. She looked not a bit unlike Rodin’s “Thinker.” “I know!”

It took about one second for Kitty to stand up and say, “Good bye.”

“What?”

“It worked out this time, but I don’t want to be around when it doesn’t.”

Jubilee ignored her. “They aren’t married, are they?”

“They just started going out!”

“They’re meant for each other.”

“He’s like a million years older than her. Don’t you think she’s a little young to be married, tied down?”

“Are we projecting?”

“No!”

“You need a man, Kitty.”

“No I don’t!”

“You need something.”

“I will not be an experiment, Jubilation Lee.”

“We’ll see.” She turned excited eyes on her friend. “You know, I think St. John and Bobby may very well not be gay.”

“Really?” Kitty didn’t sound all that convinced.

“I’ve caught them looking at us. With interest.”

“Or morbid curiosity.”

“I’m going to find out, either way.”

“You’ll get yourself probed.”

“I certainly hope so.”

The both laughed so hard they didn’t see Rogue and Logan walk by, holding hands in perfect contentment.

“I don’t like that shirt, Logan.”

“You don’t?”

“No.”

“Oh.”

“I will help you.”

“All right.”

He looked so dejected, she hastened to add, “I love you; if you love the shirt I’ll try to love it too.”

“No, I’ll get rid of it. It’s only a shirt. But I’m keeping my belt buckle.” A gleam of light brightened his teeth as he smiled. Rogue felt herself swoon. It was all much too romantic for any one girl.

FIN