No Explaining by Star
Summary: Trying to explain your feelings is sometimes harder than just accepting them.
Categories: X1 Characters: None
Genres: Shipper
Tags: None
Warnings: None
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: 675 Read: 1127 Published: 10/22/2003 Updated: 10/22/2003

1. No Explaining by Star

No Explaining by Star
She couldn’t explain it. She’d tried to, more times than she could count. But it didn’t happen. One day she was fine and the next day, it was as if the world had suddenly changed. No one else seemed to understand or wanted to, eventually she stopped talking about it. She cherished her time alone for it was then that she could forget trying to explain and just feel.

She couldn’t understand it. She’d tried, so hard that she was contemplating taking a psychology class just to figure herself out. But it still didn’t happen. She was beginning to face the fact that this thing just didn’t make sense. It was something she could feel with her whole soul, but her mind couldn’t fathom it. She wanted it to make sense. If it made sense, she could understand it better. If it made sense, she could control it. She wanted something that was explanable, something maybe not tangible, but there. You know? It scared her to think that maybe by not understanding it, it would disappear. Maybe the whole thing never existed. If she can’t understand it, how can it exist? Understanding would lead to validity. Maybe then she could explain it.

She couldn’t deny it. She’d tried at the beginning. After the third week of crying herself to sleep, she’d given up. This was part of her. Part of her soul. And so help her, denying it made her feel like she was denying her self. Denying it wasn’t an option. Denying it required either ignorance or understanding. At this point, she had neither.

She couldn’t accept it. She wanted to, God knows she wanted to. Every cell in her body was screaming for it, but it couldn’t happen. She may not be able to explain it or understand it or even deny it, but she could be honest about it. Yes, she wanted someone who was unattainable. Someone who was so different from her that one small slip could render them both dead, figuratively at least. Yes, she dreamt of nights with him coming to her. Telling her that he loved her. Telling her that he wanted her, that he wanted it- both of them together. But they were dreams. She could still tell the difference between reality and dreams.



He couldn’t explain it. He had never needed to. Never wanted to. That was the benefit of people thinking he was stupid. They never were much for actual conversation. It didn’t bother him, he kind of liked being left alone. Gave him time to think without others trying to explain shit to him.

He couldn’t understand it. He understood the wild side of him demanding release, demanding action. He even understood the side of him he saw as his real self wanting it. What he couldn’t understand was why? Why now? Maybe it was the call of the wild? Maybe a residue from horny adolescent fantasies including the untouchable girl? Whatever it was, it was simply there. Just like him, a stubborn feeling that wouldn’t leave.

He couldn’t deny it. Didn’t want to. She was now an adult, a fact she had been broadcasting quite frequently in those provocative outfits. The legally bought cigarettes were another good clue. So, there was no need to deny it. He was willing, hell, more than willing. He was damn close to begging for it.

And so it happened. A newly turned adult, still untouchable in some people’s eyes and an older man, still consumed by his wild side met one night as agreed under the shelter of the trees. In one’s eyes it was a dream come true, in the other’s eyes? It simply was, no more explanation was needed. People from the school soon discovered the new couple and demanded explanations, pleaded for understanding. Some tried to deny it and a few accepted it. And for others? It simply was.
This story archived at http://wolverineandrogue.com/wrfa/viewstory.php?sid=1920